1. - Father... I must speak.
- Eh?Copy !req
2. I can be silent no longer.Copy !req
3. All day long, you mutter to yourself,Copy !req
4. gibber, dribble, moan,Copy !req
5. and bash your head against the wall
yelling, "I want to die!"Copy !req
6. Now, you may say I'm leaping
to conclusions, but...Copy !req
7. You're not completely happy, are you?Copy !req
8. It's mother, isn't it?Copy !req
9. No, it's not!Copy !req
10. You're brooding over her death,
aren't you?Copy !req
11. Kate, for the final time,
your mother is not dead!Copy !req
12. She's run off with your Uncle Henry.Copy !req
13. Dear father, I know
you only say such things to comfort me.Copy !req
14. Your mother is alive and well
and living in Droitwich!Copy !req
15. It's not her I brood over.Copy !req
16. I'm sad because, my darling,Copy !req
17. our poverty has
now reached such extremesCopy !req
18. that I can no longer afford to keep us,Copy !req
19. and must look to my own dear,Copy !req
20. tiny darling to sustain me
in my frail dotage.Copy !req
21. - But, Father, surely...
- Yes, Kate...Copy !req
22. I want you to become a prostitute.Copy !req
23. - Never, Father!
- Do you defy me?Copy !req
24. Oh, indeed I do!Copy !req
25. For it is better to die poor
than to live in shame and ignominy.Copy !req
26. No, it isn't!Copy !req
27. I am young and strong and clever.Copy !req
28. My nose is pretty.Copy !req
29. I'll find another way
to earn us a living.Copy !req
30. Oh, please, go on the game!Copy !req
31. It's a steady job.Copy !req
32. And you'd be working from home.Copy !req
33. Goodbye, Father.Copy !req
34. I shall go to London, disguise myself
as a boy and seek my fortune!Copy !req
35. Why walk all the way to LondonCopy !req
36. when you can make a fortune
lying on your back?Copy !req
37. Oh! Very good shot, my lord.Copy !req
38. Thank you, Baldrick.Copy !req
39. Sorry I'm late.Copy !req
40. Oh, don't bother apologising.
I'm sorry you're alive.Copy !req
41. Ah, good, I see the target's ready.Copy !req
42. I'd like to see the Spaniard
who could make his way past me.Copy !req
43. Go to Spain, there are millions of them.Copy !req
44. I'd advise them to stay there, then.Copy !req
45. Keep their hands off our women!Copy !req
46. Oh, God! Who is she this time?Copy !req
47. I don't know what you mean.Copy !req
48. Ow!Copy !req
49. Ah! And who is Jane?Copy !req
50. I am sworn to secrecy.Copy !req
51. Torture me, kill me,
you shall never know!Copy !req
52. Ow!Copy !req
53. Jane Harrington.Copy !req
54. - Aah.
- We are very much in love, my lord.Copy !req
55. - This is the Jane Harrington?
- Yes!Copy !req
56. Jane "Bury me
in a Y-shaped coffin" Harrington?Copy !req
57. I think, maybe there are
two Jane Harringtons.Copy !req
58. - No. Tall, blonde, elegant?
- Aye, that's right.Copy !req
59. Goes like a privy door
when the plague's in town?Copy !req
60. My lord!Copy !req
61. Come on, get on with your shot.Copy !req
62. You'll get over her.Copy !req
63. I did.Copy !req
64. So did Baldrick, actually.Copy !req
65. Damn!Copy !req
66. You see, she's got this thing
about beards, apparently.Copy !req
67. Well, in that case, I'm going to shave.Copy !req
68. Bad luck, Balders.Copy !req
69. Not to worry, my lord,
the arrow didn't in fact enter my body.Copy !req
70. Oh, good.Copy !req
71. No, by a thousand to one chance,
my willy got in the way.Copy !req
72. Extraordinary!Copy !req
73. Yeah, I'd only just put it there,
but now I will leave it there forever.Copy !req
74. Quite so, Baldrick.
It can be your lucky willy.Copy !req
75. Yes, my lord. Years from now,
I'll show it to my grandchildren.Copy !req
76. Baldrick, having the grandchildren
may now be out of the question.Copy !req
77. Poor old pea-brain, eh?Copy !req
78. Ha, never catch me falling in love.
That's for damn sure.Copy !req
79. Come in!Copy !req
80. Good day to you, Lord Blackadder!Copy !req
81. Ah. Good day to you.Copy !req
82. Boy.Copy !req
83. What is it brings you here?Copy !req
84. I'm an honest, hardworking lad,
but poor,Copy !req
85. and I must support my father
who is stark raving mad.Copy !req
86. Therefore, I come to London
to seek a servant's wage.Copy !req
87. Well, yes, indeed.
Unfortunately, I already have a servant.Copy !req
88. The word is that your servant
is the worst servant in London.Copy !req
89. Hmm, that's true.Copy !req
90. Baldrick, you're fired.
Be out of the house in 10 minutes.Copy !req
91. Well, young man,
you've got yourself a job.Copy !req
92. - What do they call you?
- Kate.Copy !req
93. Isn't that a bit of a girl's name?Copy !req
94. Oh, it's short for, erm...Copy !req
95. Bob.Copy !req
96. - "Bob"?
- Yes.Copy !req
97. Well, Bob. Welcome on board.Copy !req
98. Sorry, Baldrick,
any reason you're still here?Copy !req
99. Er, I've got nowhere to go, my lord.Copy !req
100. Oh, surely you'll be allowed to starve
to death in one of the Royal Parks.Copy !req
101. I've been in your service
since I was two and a half, my lord.Copy !req
102. Well, that must be why
I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you.Copy !req
103. Couldn't I just stay here
and do the same job but for no wages?Copy !req
104. Well, you know where you'd have to live.Copy !req
105. - In the gutter?
- Yes.Copy !req
106. And you'd have to work
a bit harder, too.Copy !req
107. Of course, my lord.Copy !req
108. All right, go and get Bob's stuff in,Copy !req
109. and chuck your filthy muck
out into the street.Copy !req
110. God bless you, sweet master!Copy !req
111. Now, Bob. Oh... Bob, this is Percy,Copy !req
112. a dimwit I don't seem
to be able to shake off.Copy !req
113. Ah! Hello there, Bob!
You young Roister Doister, you!Copy !req
114. Ah, you look a likely sort of lad
for tricks and sportsCopy !req
115. and all sorts of jolly,
rosy-cheeked caperings, eh?Copy !req
116. 'Course you do, and more besides,
I'll warrant, you young scamp!Copy !req
117. Thank you so much
for letting me stay, Lord Blackadder.Copy !req
118. Oh, not at all, Bob.
I'm looking forward to having you.Copy !req
119. Er, having another man about the house
instead of that animal, Baldrick.Copy !req
120. Excuse me,
I'm just going to the lavatory.Copy !req
121. How little he knows!Copy !req
122. And how much I would have him know!Copy !req
123. I say, Bob, I think
this calls for a celebration.Copy !req
124. How about a game of cup and ball,Copy !req
125. and a slap-up tea
at Mrs Miggins' pie-shop?Copy !req
126. Get lost, creep!Copy !req
127. Ha-ha! I like you, young Bob!
You've got balls!Copy !req
128. Nice try, Melchie,
but it's no use. I'm still bored!Copy !req
129. I'm very sorry, madam.Copy !req
130. Your royal father used to be very amused
by my impersonation of Columbus.Copy !req
131. Doesn't surprise me.Copy !req
132. He used to laugh at...Copy !req
133. You know, those people
with the funny faces and the bells.Copy !req
134. Ah, jesters, madam.Copy !req
135. No... Lepers.Copy !req
136. Where's Edmund, these days?Copy !req
137. Ah, well...Copy !req
138. The whisper
on the underground grapevine, ma'am,Copy !req
139. is that Lord Blackadder is
spending all his timeCopy !req
140. with a young boy in his service.Copy !req
141. Oh.Copy !req
142. Do you think he'd spend
more time with me if I was a boy?Copy !req
143. Surely not, madam.Copy !req
144. You almost were a boy,
my little cherry pip.Copy !req
145. - What?
- Yeah!Copy !req
146. Out you popped,
out of your mummy's tumkin,Copy !req
147. and everybody shouted,
"It's a boy! It's a boy!"Copy !req
148. Then someone said,
"But it hasn't got a Winkle."Copy !req
149. And then I said,
"A boy without a Winkle?"Copy !req
150. "God be praised, it's a miracle,
a boy without a Winkle!"Copy !req
151. And then, Sir Thomas More pointed out
that a boy without a Winkle is a girl.Copy !req
152. - And everyone was really disappointed.
- Ah, yes.Copy !req
153. Well, you see, he was
a very perceptive man, Sir Thomas More.Copy !req
154. Oh, what has happened to Edmund?Copy !req
155. There's something very odd about someoneCopy !req
156. who spends all their time
with a servant.Copy !req
157. Well, Bob. We're a couple
of fine lads together, aren't we?Copy !req
158. Let's get ratted
and talk about girls, eh?Copy !req
159. Ha!Copy !req
160. Yes, we could sing
some really dirty songs and...Copy !req
161. Oh, God! I... I find you curiously
pleasant company, young Bob.Copy !req
162. I am honoured and, for my part,
want nothing more than to be with you...Copy !req
163. old man.Copy !req
164. Well, absolutely, I mean,Copy !req
165. there's nothing more healthy
and more normal than having a good...Copy !req
166. chum.Copy !req
167. What think you, my lord, of love?Copy !req
168. You mean rumpy-pumpy?Copy !req
169. What would you say, my lord,
if I were to say, "I love you"?Copy !req
170. Erm...Copy !req
171. Well, of course it depends
entirely on who you said it to.Copy !req
172. If you said it to a horse,
I'd presume you were sick.Copy !req
173. Erm, if you...Copy !req
174. If you said it to Baldrick,
I'd presume you were blind and...Copy !req
175. - If you said it to me, well...
- Yes, my lord.Copy !req
176. Well... Well,
I'd naturally assume we were having a,Copy !req
177. a big lads' joke about back-ticklers
the way we healthy fellows often do.Copy !req
178. And I'd probably grab you
for a friendly wrestleCopy !req
179. and then we'd probably slap each other's
thighs like jolly good chums,Copy !req
180. and laugh at what it would be like
if we really did...Copy !req
181. fancy each other.Copy !req
182. In that case, my lord...Copy !req
183. I love you.Copy !req
184. Don't worry, Bob.
He used to try and kill me, too.Copy !req
185. Boy, am I glad to see you!
What do you want?Copy !req
186. Well, I was wondering
if I might sleep on the roof, sir?Copy !req
187. The town bailiff says
if I lie in the gutterCopy !req
188. I'll be flushed into the Thames
with all the other turds.Copy !req
189. Yes. Certainly, Bald rick.Copy !req
190. Help yourself.Copy !req
191. I was just off to bed, anyway.Copy !req
192. Erm, good night, Baldrick.Copy !req
193. Good night, Bob.Copy !req
194. Good night, my lord.Copy !req
195. Yes...Copy !req
196. Oh, God...Copy !req
197. Now then, what seems to be the trouble?Copy !req
198. Well, it's my manservant.Copy !req
199. I see. Well, don't be embarrassed.Copy !req
200. If you've got the pox,
just pop your "manservant"Copy !req
201. on the table and we'll take a look.Copy !req
202. No, no, no, no. I mean,
it's my real manservant.Copy !req
203. Ah-ha. And what's wrong with him?Copy !req
204. There's nothing wrong with him.
That's the problem.Copy !req
205. He's perfect, and last night,
I almost kissed him.Copy !req
206. I see, so you've started
fancying boys then, have you?Copy !req
207. - Not "boys", a boy.
- Yes, well, let's not split hairs.Copy !req
208. It's all rather disgusting
and naturally you're worried.Copy !req
209. - Of course I'm worried.
- Well, of course you are.Copy !req
210. It isn't every day a man wakes up
to discover he's a screaming benderCopy !req
211. with no more right to live
on God's clean earth than a weasel.Copy !req
212. - Ashamed of yourself?
- Not really, no.Copy !req
213. Bloody hell! I would be.Copy !req
214. Still, why should I complain?Copy !req
215. Just leaves more rampant totty
for us real men, eh?Copy !req
216. Look, am I paying
for this personal abuse or is it extra?Copy !req
217. No, all part of the service.Copy !req
218. I think you're in luck, though.Copy !req
219. An extraordinary new cure
has just been developedCopy !req
220. for exactly this kind of sordid problem.Copy !req
221. And it wouldn't have anything
to do with leeches, would it?Copy !req
222. I had no idea you were a medical man.Copy !req
223. I've never had anything you doctors
didn't try to cure with leeches.Copy !req
224. A leech on my ear for ear ache.Copy !req
225. A leech on my bottom for constipation.Copy !req
226. They're marvelous, aren't they?Copy !req
227. Well the bottom one wasn't.
I just sat down and squashed it.Copy !req
228. You know the leech comes to us
on the highest authority.Copy !req
229. Yes, I'd heard that.
Dr Hoffman of Stuttgart, isn't it?Copy !req
230. That's right. The great Hoffman.Copy !req
231. Owner of the largest leech farm
in Europe.Copy !req
232. Yes.Copy !req
233. Well, I can't spend all day gossiping.
I'm a busy man.Copy !req
234. As far as this case is concerned,Copy !req
235. I've now had time to think it overCopy !req
236. and I can strongly recommendCopy !req
237. a course...Copy !req
238. Of leeches.Copy !req
239. Just pop a couple down
my codpiece before I go to bed!Copy !req
240. No, no, no, no! Don't be ridiculous.
This isn't the Dark Ages.Copy !req
241. Just pop four in your mouth
in the morningCopy !req
242. and let them dissolve slowly.Copy !req
243. In a couple of weeks,
you'll be beating your servantCopy !req
244. with a stick just like the rest of us.Copy !req
245. You're just an old quack, aren't you?Copy !req
246. I'd rather be a quack than a ducky.
Good day!Copy !req
247. Anything to follow, my lord?Copy !req
248. There's a lovely fat spider
I found in the bath.Copy !req
249. I was saving it for myself, but if...Copy !req
250. Shut up, Baldrick. I don't eat
invertebrates for fun, you know.Copy !req
251. This is doctor's orders!Copy !req
252. Oh, I don't hold with
this new-fangled doctoring.Copy !req
253. Any problems, I go to the wise woman.Copy !req
254. Baldrick, I'm long past
entrusting myself to some deranged druidCopy !req
255. who gives her professional address
as 1, Dunghill Mansions, Putney.Copy !req
256. Tell me, young crone, is this Putney?Copy !req
257. That it be. That it be.Copy !req
258. "Yes, it is", not "That it be".Copy !req
259. You don't have to talk in that
stupid voice to me. I'm not a tourist.Copy !req
260. I seek information about a wise woman.Copy !req
261. The wise woman? The wise woman?Copy !req
262. Yes, the wise woman.Copy !req
263. Two things, my lord,
must ye know of the wise woman.Copy !req
264. Yes?Copy !req
265. First, she is...Copy !req
266. a woman!Copy !req
267. And second, she is...Copy !req
268. Wise?Copy !req
269. - You do know her, then!
- No!Copy !req
270. Just a wild stab in the dark,Copy !req
271. which is incidentally
what you'll be gettingCopy !req
272. if you don't start being
a bit more helpful.Copy !req
273. - Do you know where she lives?
- 'Course.Copy !req
274. - Where?
- Here.Copy !req
275. - Do you have an appointment?
- No.Copy !req
276. Well, you can go in, anyway.Copy !req
277. Thank you, young crone.
Here is a purse of monies.Copy !req
278. Which I'm not going to give to you.Copy !req
279. Hail, Edmund, lord of adders black!Copy !req
280. Hello.Copy !req
281. Step no nearer,
for already I see thy bloody purpose.Copy !req
282. Thou plottest, Blackadder.Copy !req
283. Thou wouldst be KingCopy !req
284. and drown Middlesex in a bath of wine!Copy !req
285. No, no, no.
No, it's far worse than that.Copy !req
286. I'm in love with my manservant.Copy !req
287. Oh, well, I'd sleep with him
if I were you.Copy !req
288. What?Copy !req
289. When I fancy people, I sleep with them.Copy !req
290. Oh, I have to drug them first,
of course,Copy !req
291. being so old and warty.Copy !req
292. But what about my position,
my social life?Copy !req
293. Very well, then.Copy !req
294. Three other paths are open to you.Copy !req
295. Three cunning plans to cure
thine ailment.Copy !req
296. Oh, good!Copy !req
297. The first is simple.Copy !req
298. - Kill Bob!
- Never!Copy !req
299. - Then try the second.
- Hmm?Copy !req
300. Kill yourself!Copy !req
301. Hmm... And the third?Copy !req
302. The third is to ensure
that no one else ever knows.Copy !req
303. Ah, that sounds more like it! How?Copy !req
304. Kill everybody in the whole world!Copy !req
305. Now, look here, Bob. I've got something
very important to say to youCopy !req
306. and I want you to listen very carefully.Copy !req
307. Yes.Copy !req
308. Look, Bob. I've decided that
you are to leave my service.Copy !req
309. Oh, no, my lord!Copy !req
310. My father will starve,
and I'll have to become...Copy !req
311. a male prostitute.Copy !req
312. Besides, I thought we were friends!Copy !req
313. But we are friends, Bob,
of course, of course, of course,Copy !req
314. of course, of course,
of course, of course...Copy !req
315. Of course, of course!Copy !req
316. In fact, that's the reasonCopy !req
317. I want you to leave my service.Copy !req
318. And become my live-in chum.Copy !req
319. Oh, my lord!Copy !req
320. Now, I want to make it very clear
that I am in no way interestedCopy !req
321. in the contents of your tights.Copy !req
322. You might be, my lord,
if you knew what I kept in them.Copy !req
323. Ah-ha. I think I know what a gentlemanCopy !req
324. keeps in his tights,
thank you very much.Copy !req
325. But, my lord, I have a great secret.Copy !req
326. What?Copy !req
327. Prepare to be amazed!Copy !req
328. Oh, no, you haven't got
one of those birthmarksCopy !req
329. shaped like a banana, have you?Copy !req
330. No.Copy !req
331. Or a tattoo saying,
"Get it here"?Copy !req
332. No.Copy !req
333. Oh, God, you've got
one of those belly-buttonsCopy !req
334. that sticks outwards, haven't you?Copy !req
335. No, my lord.Copy !req
336. Well, what can it possibly be?Copy !req
337. Ah! Good lord!Copy !req
338. So, what was that "Bob" stuff
about then?Copy !req
339. Because you'd have used me
and cast me asideCopy !req
340. like you have so many women before.Copy !req
341. Ha! Would I?Copy !req
342. Yes.Copy !req
343. But now you've had a chance
to grow to love me for what I really am.Copy !req
344. Yes, that's true.
And now, I want to marry you, Bob.Copy !req
345. Kate.Copy !req
346. Then come! Kiss me, Kate!Copy !req
347. I bring grave intelligence of your
former favorite, Lord Blackadder.Copy !req
348. Oh, good!Copy !req
349. It appears he wishes to marry
a girl called "Bob".Copy !req
350. That's a very odd name
for a girl, isn't it?Copy !req
351. Girls are normally called
Elizabeth, or Mary.Copy !req
352. And Donald.Copy !req
353. Mouthy's open, Nursie. Should be shut!Copy !req
354. But it's true, sweet one!
I had three sisters,Copy !req
355. and they were called
Donald, Eric and Basil.Copy !req
356. - Then why's your name Nursie?
- That ain't my real name.Copy !req
357. - Isn't it?
- No.Copy !req
358. - What is your real name, then?
- Ah!Copy !req
359. Bernard.Copy !req
360. Suits you, actually.Copy !req
361. - Your majesty!
- Oh, hello, stranger!Copy !req
362. I seek your permission to wed.Copy !req
363. So I hear.
Melchie, what do you think of all this?Copy !req
364. Oh, well,
I must preface, madam,Copy !req
365. I am astonished that BlackadderCopy !req
366. could possibly have eyes
for any other woman than yourself.Copy !req
367. Good point! Though slightly grovelly.Copy !req
368. Ha! But when I fell in love, ma'am,
I didn't know she was a woman.Copy !req
369. I thought she was a boy.Copy !req
370. Oh, well, of course that makes it
perfectly acceptable then.Copy !req
371. Oh, all right. Go on and marry her.Copy !req
372. Thank you, ma'am.Copy !req
373. Just tell me one thing.Copy !req
374. Is her nose as pretty as mine?Copy !req
375. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ma'am.Copy !req
376. Oh, good!Copy !req
377. Because otherwise,
I would have cut it off.Copy !req
378. And then you'd have had to
marry someone without a nose.Copy !req
379. And that wouldn't be
very nice, would it?Copy !req
380. No, ma'am.Copy !req
381. I mean, imagine the mess
when she got a cold! Yuck!Copy !req
382. Well, quite, ma'am.Copy !req
383. All right. Off you go, then!Copy !req
384. Everyone seems to get married except me.Copy !req
385. And me, ma'am.Copy !req
386. Oh, shut up, Bernard!Copy !req
387. You'll make a lovely bridesmaid,
Baldrick.Copy !req
388. Pity me that I have
no actual girl-chums,Copy !req
389. because we were so poor in our house,
we couldn't afford friends.Copy !req
390. It is strangely in keeping
with the manner of our courtshipCopy !req
391. that your maid of honor
should be a man.Copy !req
392. Thank you very much, my lord.Copy !req
393. Well, I use the word "man"
in its broadest possible sense.Copy !req
394. For as we all know,
God made man in his own image.Copy !req
395. It would be a sad look out
for Christians around the globeCopy !req
396. if God looked anything like you,
Baldrick.Copy !req
397. Ignore old Mr Grumpy!Copy !req
398. There you are, Balders.Copy !req
399. You look sweet as a little pie.Copy !req
400. Kate, he looks like what he is.
A dungball in a dress.Copy !req
401. Oh, Edmund.Copy !req
402. Hello there.Copy !req
403. Edmund, you didn't tell me
we were expecting guests.Copy !req
404. And such a pretty one, too.Copy !req
405. Oh, God.Copy !req
406. Well, you're a little cutey to be hiding
yourself away all these years.Copy !req
407. Tell me, gorgeous, what's your name?Copy !req
408. He's called Baldrick!Copy !req
409. Bald rick...Copy !req
410. That's a pretty name.Copy !req
411. Edmund used to have a servant
called Baldrick.Copy !req
412. But anyway, away with such small talk.Copy !req
413. - Lady, a kiss!
- What?Copy !req
414. And so modest, too!Copy !req
415. Come on, you little tease.
You know you want to.Copy !req
416. - Give us a kiss!
- All right, if you say so.Copy !req
417. Dear! What an original perfume!Copy !req
418. That is our Baldrick.
He's wearing a dress.Copy !req
419. Anyway, what do you want?Copy !req
420. Well, there's been
some discussion around the courtCopy !req
421. on the subject of who's
going to be your best man,Copy !req
422. and I thought it might be the moment
to bring the subject to a conclusion.Copy !req
423. Ah, yes, Percy. I would like you...Copy !req
424. Oh! I'm so proud!Copy !req
425. Please, let me finish. I would like you
to take this letter to Dover,Copy !req
426. where is recently docked the galleon
of my old school friend and adventurer,Copy !req
427. Lord Flashheart.Copy !req
428. He shall be my best man.Copy !req
429. - Lord Flashheart?
- Hmm.Copy !req
430. The best sword,
the best shot, the best sailor...Copy !req
431. And the best kisser in the kingdom.Copy !req
432. Even he! To Dover at once.Copy !req
433. Yes.Copy !req
434. Actually, I was going to suggest
Lord Flashheart for best man myself.Copy !req
435. Oh, really?Copy !req
436. Edmund, I can't believe
it's really happening.Copy !req
437. It is, my sweet.Copy !req
438. Before we go in,
I want you to meet my father.Copy !req
439. Oh, fine!Copy !req
440. Excuse me, could you move along, please?Copy !req
441. Look, I'm waiting for my father-in-law.Copy !req
442. Last thing I want is some scruffy old
beggar blocking the corridor,Copy !req
443. smelling of cabbage.Copy !req
444. I am your father-in-law.Copy !req
445. Oh, no!Copy !req
446. All right, how much do you want
to clear off?Copy !req
447. Edmund, how could you?
He's my father, my only living relative!Copy !req
448. Ten pounds should do the trick.Copy !req
449. - Father!
- All right, there we go.Copy !req
450. Edmund, you mustn't!Copy !req
451. Oh, don't worry. I'll get Baldrick
to beat him up after the ceremony.Copy !req
452. We'll get the money back.
Come on, we're late.Copy !req
453. Ah, Edmund.
Could we get on, do you think?Copy !req
454. I want to get to the reception
so I can get squiffy and seduce someone.Copy !req
455. Yes, erm, unfortunately,
my best man still has not arrived.Copy !req
456. Well, get another one!Copy !req
457. Well, there's no one else
I can really think of.Copy !req
458. Sorry, Percy?Copy !req
459. Nothing, my lord,
just clearing my throat.Copy !req
460. Good.Copy !req
461. Don't want you coughing
all the way through the ceremony.Copy !req
462. Oh, come on, Edmund.Copy !req
463. You must be able to think
of another best man!Copy !req
464. Well, I suppose
I could ask Percy. Percy!Copy !req
465. My lord!Copy !req
466. Can you think of another best man?Copy !req
467. Well, my lord,
one name does spring to mind.Copy !req
468. Yes, but I can't ask Baldrick.
He's a bridesmaid.Copy !req
469. Besides, I need a friend,
an equal, an old and trusty companion.Copy !req
470. I think there is one person
in the room who fits the description.Copy !req
471. Of course! Nursie!Copy !req
472. How do you fancy putting on a pair
of hose and being my best man?Copy !req
473. Edmund, don't be so naughty.Copy !req
474. You know perfectly well
who Percy is referring to.Copy !req
475. All right, I'm sorry.Copy !req
476. Melchett.Copy !req
477. All right, all right! Ashamed as I am
and contradiction in terms though it is,Copy !req
478. Percy, you can be the best man.Copy !req
479. Oh, my lord! Noble coz! What an honor!Copy !req
480. I brought along a ring...Copy !req
481. I really did think
old Flash would have turned up.Copy !req
482. It's me!Copy !req
483. Flash!Copy !req
484. Flash by name. Flash by nature!Copy !req
485. - Hooray!
- Hooray!Copy !req
486. Where have you been?Copy !req
487. Where haven't I been? Woof!Copy !req
488. But I'm here now! And...Copy !req
489. Who is that?Copy !req
490. I don't know, but he's in your place.Copy !req
491. Not for long!Copy !req
492. Hold that.Copy !req
493. Thanks, bridesmaid! Like the beard!Copy !req
494. Gives me something to hang on to!Copy !req
495. So, me ol' mate Eddie's
getting hitched, eh?Copy !req
496. What's the matter?
Can't stand the pace of the "in" crowd?Copy !req
497. Hi, Queenie, you look sexy!Copy !req
498. - Woof!
- Woof!Copy !req
499. But listen, wear your hair long.
I prefer it that way!Copy !req
500. I've got such a crush on him!Copy !req
501. And Melchie!Copy !req
502. - Still worshipping God?
- My lord.Copy !req
503. Last thing I heard,
he started worshipping me!Copy !req
504. Woof! Nursie...Copy !req
505. I like it, firm and fruity!Copy !req
506. Am I pleased to see you,
or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?Copy !req
507. Down, boy, down!Copy !req
508. And now, where's this amazing bird,Copy !req
509. the one who stopped my old pal EddieCopy !req
510. doing exactly whatever he wants,
10 times a night?Copy !req
511. Ah, yes, erm, Flash.
Let me introduce my fiancée, Kate.Copy !req
512. Hi, baby!Copy !req
513. Ah! She's got a tongue
like an electric eelCopy !req
514. and she likes
the taste of a man's tonsils!Copy !req
515. You don't want to marry this jerk, baby.Copy !req
516. Meet me on my horse in eight seconds.Copy !req
517. I can't run in this frock.Copy !req
518. You see, I find I actually prefer
wearing boys' clothes.Copy !req
519. Weird! I always feel
more comfy in a dress!Copy !req
520. I've got a plan.
And it's as hot as my pants!Copy !req
521. What a man Flash is, eh?Copy !req
522. Things'll certainly liven round here
now he's back, won't they, Fla...Copy !req
523. Flash?Copy !req
524. So long, suckers! Next time you get
bored of your lives, give me a call!Copy !req
525. And I'll come round and kill you.Copy !req
526. Goodbye, Edmund!
And thanks for everything!Copy !req
527. Hooray!Copy !req
528. Erm...Copy !req
529. It is customary on these occasions
for the groom to marry the bridesmaid.Copy !req
530. I presume you intend to honor this?Copy !req
531. I do.Copy !req