1. Oh, noble Prince, your secret note
of love has won my heart.Copy !req
2. The castle of my body is yours
by right of conquest.Copy !req
3. Come, let your tongue dive
into the moat of my mouth,Copy !req
4. and let your hands take possessionCopy !req
5. of the ramparts of my plumpies,Copy !req
6. for I am yours, and yours alone!Copy !req
7. - And I'm yours!
- Ugh! Edmund!Copy !req
8. I thought you were your brother!Copy !req
9. - We need a big piece of wood.
- Yes.Copy !req
10. The Swiss are always cowards.Copy !req
11. My Lords, news!Copy !req
12. The Swiss have invaded France.Copy !req
13. Excellent!Copy !req
14. Wessex, while they're away,
take 10,000 troops and pillage Geneva.Copy !req
15. But the Swiss are our allies, My Lord.Copy !req
16. Oh, yes. Well, get them
to dress up as Germans, will you?Copy !req
17. Chiswick, remind me to send flowers
to the King of FranceCopy !req
18. in sympathy for the death of his son.Copy !req
19. - The one you had murdered, My Lord?
- Yes! That's the fellow.Copy !req
20. Father!Copy !req
21. - My Lord...
- Will you get away from me?Copy !req
22. Ah, Harry, the gentle art of diplomacy.Copy !req
23. But you know where real secret
of diplomacy lies? Don't you, my boy?Copy !req
24. Well, actually, I don't, Father,
but I would like to know.Copy !req
25. There.Copy !req
26. Are you sure? I can't imagine anything
of any real interest down there.Copy !req
27. Let me explain. What's that for?Copy !req
28. Well, a couple of things.Copy !req
29. Correct! And one of those things is...Copy !req
30. - Best not mentioned, really.
- Right!Copy !req
31. And the other is fornication!Copy !req
32. And without fornication,
there is no marriage,Copy !req
33. and without marriage,
there is no diplomacy.Copy !req
34. Oh, I see!Copy !req
35. Very good.
Come on, let me explain further.Copy !req
36. You see, my boy, I have decidedCopy !req
37. to ally to a nation
most threatening to France.Copy !req
38. The answer, of course, is... Chiswick...Copy !req
39. Spain.Copy !req
40. And the best way to cement an alliance,
of course, is marriage.Copy !req
41. Therefore, I have decided that
you shall marry the Spanish Infanta!Copy !req
42. - Oh, congratulations, Your Majesty!
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
43. Actually, I don't think I can.Copy !req
44. What? Why not?Copy !req
45. Well, I am already engaged.Copy !req
46. What? Who to, boy?Copy !req
47. Princess Leia of HungaryCopy !req
48. and the Grand Duchess Ursula
of Brandenburg,Copy !req
49. and Queen Beowolfa of Iceland,Copy !req
50. and Countess Caroline of Luxembourg,Copy !req
51. Bertha of Flanders, Bertha of Brussels,Copy !req
52. Bernard of Saxe-Coburg,
and Jezebel of Estonia.Copy !req
53. No, no, no, sorry, that should be
Bertha of Saxe-CoburgCopy !req
54. and Jeremy of Estonia.Copy !req
55. Damn, damn, damn, damn!Copy !req
56. But if I haven't got a son to marry her,Copy !req
57. then the whole plan falls apart!Copy !req
58. - Your Majesty...
- Yes?Copy !req
59. You do have another son, My Lord.Copy !req
60. What?Copy !req
61. By God, of course!Copy !req
62. You're right. The slimy one...
What's his name?Copy !req
63. - Edmund, My Lord.
- Yes, Osmund.Copy !req
64. Osmund can marry the Infanta!Copy !req
65. Excellent!Copy !req
66. Then with the Spanish alliance,Copy !req
67. we can massacre both the Swiss
and the French...Copy !req
68. Huzzah!Copy !req
69. - ... by dividing their forces into two...
- Huzzah!Copy !req
70. Preferably their top halves
from their bottom!Copy !req
71. Huzzah!Copy !req
72. Ow.Copy !req
73. - 'Morning, My Lord.
- 'Morning, My Lord.Copy !req
74. 'Morning.Copy !req
75. My God, what's happened to your neck?Copy !req
76. Um... Well, well, well, well,
they're love bites, actually!Copy !req
77. Look more like dog bites to me.Copy !req
78. Well, yes, yes, she was,
a bit of an animal.Copy !req
79. - Really, My Lord.
- Oh, yes!Copy !req
80. - Fight to the death, eh!
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
81. Well, as my tutor, old Bubbleface,
used to say,Copy !req
82. "Make love and be merry,Copy !req
83. "for tomorrow you may catch
some disgusting skin disease."Copy !req
84. Actually, I'd be prepared to
swear they were dog bites.Copy !req
85. They are not dog bites!
She was very attractive.Copy !req
86. Yes, shiny coat, wet nose, clear eyes...Copy !req
87. No, Baldrick! It was a woman!Copy !req
88. Fair enough, My Lord.Copy !req
89. Right. Now that's sorted out.Copy !req
90. Percy, what are we up to today?Copy !req
91. Well, My Lord, first,
I thought that you and ICopy !req
92. might get out a couple of prisoners,Copy !req
93. and actually I think Baldrick
may have a point there,Copy !req
94. they do look rather like dog bites.Copy !req
95. Yes, yes, all right, all right!Copy !req
96. They're dog bites!
They're dog bites!Copy !req
97. I've got bitten by a dog!
A woman pushed me off a rampartCopy !req
98. because she thought
I was so hideously ugly,Copy !req
99. and I got ravaged by a raving dog!Copy !req
100. - Does that satisfy you?
- Yes, My Lord, yes!Copy !req
101. Good! Excellent! Good! Right!Copy !req
102. Yes, Percy, you were saying?Copy !req
103. Right, My Lord.Copy !req
104. Well, I thought that we might...
So it wasn't a woman?Copy !req
105. No! It was a dog!
It was a dog!Copy !req
106. It was a bloody great dog!Copy !req
107. Right, My Lord.Copy !req
108. Of course, Harry gets all the women,Copy !req
109. - doesn't he?
- Yeah.Copy !req
110. Shut up! I never want to hear women
mentioned in my company again.Copy !req
111. - What about dogs?
- Or dogs...Copy !req
112. Shut up, Baldrick.Copy !req
113. I never want to see a woman again.Copy !req
114. If any woman wants to talk to me,Copy !req
115. you can warn her,Copy !req
116. the Black Adder is a venomous reptile,
and women are his prey.Copy !req
117. Enter!Copy !req
118. Unless you're a woman, in which case,Copy !req
119. prepare to be thrown out of the window!Copy !req
120. With your dog...Copy !req
121. My Lord, I bring a message.Copy !req
122. Yes, obviously, you're a messenger.Copy !req
123. You are engaged to be married
to the Infanta Maria of Spain.Copy !req
124. - What?
- My Lord, I bring a message.Copy !req
125. - You are engaged...
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
126. Ah...Copy !req
127. Go on, get out. Get...Copy !req
128. Get out! Out, out, out!Copy !req
129. - Well, boys, did you hear that?
- Mmm.Copy !req
130. I am to marry the Infanta of Spain.Copy !req
131. - Yes, My Lord. Shall I go and tell her?
- What?Copy !req
132. "The Black Adder
Is a venomous reptile... ”Copy !req
133. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
134. This is no ordinary woman, Percy.Copy !req
135. This is a beautiful royal princess.Copy !req
136. Just imagine what
the Spanish Infanta must be like.Copy !req
137. Hmm?Copy !req
138. It's Spanish. It means,
"Welcome to our castle.Copy !req
139. "I hope you find the drains
to your satisfaction.”Copy !req
140. Well, here you are,
I've jotted it down for you.Copy !req
141. It should help to break
the ice with the Infanta.Copy !req
142. Oh, by the way, I don't think you know
the Countess Caroline of Luxembourg.Copy !req
143. No. How do you do, young lady?Copy !req
144. Well, good luck.Copy !req
145. Luxembourg, hah!Copy !req
146. My God, have you ever seen anyone
so obviously seething with jealousy?Copy !req
147. No, I haven't!
Seethe, seethe, seethe.Copy !req
148. If he goes on seething like that
much longer,Copy !req
149. he'll turn into a seethe.Copy !req
150. Baldrick, what are you talking about?Copy !req
151. - My Lord...
- Yes, what is it?Copy !req
152. You know, they do say that
the Infanta's eyes are more beautifulCopy !req
153. than the famous Stone of Galveston.Copy !req
154. Mmm! What?Copy !req
155. The famous Stone of Galveston, My Lord.Copy !req
156. And what's that, exactly?Copy !req
157. Well, it's a famous blue stone,Copy !req
158. and it comes from Galveston.Copy !req
159. I see. And what about it?Copy !req
160. Well, My Lord, the Infanta's eyes
are bluer than it, for a start.Copy !req
161. I see. And have you
ever seen this stone?Copy !req
162. No, not as such, My Lord,Copy !req
163. but I know a couple
of people who have,Copy !req
164. and they say it's
very, very blue indeed.Copy !req
165. And have these people
seen the Infanta's eyes?Copy !req
166. No, I shouldn't think so,
My Lord.Copy !req
167. - And neither have you, presumably.
- No, My Lord.Copy !req
168. So, what you're telling me, Percy,
is that something you have never seenCopy !req
169. is slightly less blue
than something else you have never seen.Copy !req
170. Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
171. Percy, in the end,
you are about as much use to meCopy !req
172. as an hole in the head, an affliction
with which you must be familiar,Copy !req
173. never actually having had a brain.Copy !req
174. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
175. Here I am awaiting the arrival
of the most beautiful, ravishing...Copy !req
176. Hello!Copy !req
177. Look, leave me alone,
will you, I'm trying to talk to someone.Copy !req
178. While you're wittering away
like a pox-ridden...Copy !req
179. "You are the true love
of my life, my love, my love!"Copy !req
180. What? Percy,
is he a friend of yours?Copy !req
181. Someone you...Copy !req
182. "You are the only one for me.Copy !req
183. "I merely want to hug and kiss you!"Copy !req
184. Oh!Copy !req
185. "T am the Infanta!"Copy !req
186. What? No-one told me
you had a beard! Ha!Copy !req
187. - Must be Jeremy of Estonia!
- Ah...Copy !req
188. Well, absolutely...Copy !req
189. What?Copy !req
190. "I have waited
for this moment all of my life!"Copy !req
191. "Your nose is smaller
than I expected.”Copy !req
192. I have suffered
no similar disappointment.Copy !req
193. "My love, my love."Copy !req
194. Oh!Copy !req
195. "Your lips I like."Copy !req
196. It is the rest of your body
I wish to find out more about!Copy !req
197. I'll slit their gizzards!Copy !req
198. - My Lord, news...
- What?Copy !req
199. - The Spanish Infanta has arrived.
- Ah, good news!Copy !req
200. Soon we will have Spain in our grip.Copy !req
201. - My Lord, news...
- What?Copy !req
202. The King of France sends his greetings.Copy !req
203. Ah, good news!
My diplomacy triumphs.Copy !req
204. - My Lord, news...
- What?Copy !req
205. Lord Wessex is dead.Copy !req
206. Ah...Copy !req
207. This news is not so good.
Pardon, My Lord?Copy !req
208. I like it not.
Bring me some other news.Copy !req
209. - Pardon, My Lord?
- I like not this news!Copy !req
210. - Bring me some other news!
- Yes, My Lord!Copy !req
211. - My Lord, news...
- What?Copy !req
212. Lord Wessex is not dead.Copy !req
213. Ah, good news!Copy !req
214. Let there be joy and celebration,
let jubilation reign!Copy !req
215. - Yes, My Lord.
- Oh yes, and tell OsmundCopy !req
216. that to further strengthen ties
with Spain, he marries tomorrow.Copy !req
217. Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
218. Chiswick, fresh horses!Copy !req
219. Oh, my God! In 24 hours,
Tl be married to a walrus!Copy !req
220. But, My Lord,
you can't just lock her out, you know.Copy !req
221. Well, you may be right.Copy !req
222. That should hold her
for at least a minute!Copy !req
223. Wait a moment, My Lord.Copy !req
224. I think I may have a plan
to get you out of this marriage.Copy !req
225. Yes, but it's a stupid plan,
Percy, let's face it!Copy !req
226. Oh, well, yes, yes,
maybe you're right.Copy !req
227. But tell me what it is anyway.Copy !req
228. No, actually I don't
think I'll bother, My Lord.Copy !req
229. Oh, please, please tell me
what your plan is.Copy !req
230. Please tell me, please tell me.Copy !req
231. All right.Copy !req
232. I go along to the Infanta's roomCopy !req
233. and tell her that you've gone mad.Copy !req
234. She comes to the door,Copy !req
235. and you meet her
disguised as a little pig.Copy !req
236. Then...Copy !req
237. And this is the cunning bit...Copy !req
238. Instead of saying, "Oink, oink,"
you say, "Moo."Copy !req
239. Then?Copy !req
240. Well, then she'll know
you're mad, and leave!Copy !req
241. Oh!Copy !req
242. You were right, Percy,
you shouldn't have bothered.Copy !req
243. - My Lord...
- What?Copy !req
244. I also have a plan.Copy !req
245. Yes?Copy !req
246. Why not make her think
you prefer the company of men?Copy !req
247. - But I do, Baldrick, I do!
- No, no, My Lord. I mean...Copy !req
248. The intimate company of men.Copy !req
249. You don't mean
like the Earl of Doncaster.Copy !req
250. I mean just like
the Earl of Doncaster.Copy !req
251. That great radish?
That steaming great left-footer?Copy !req
252. The Earl of Doncaster, Baldrick,Copy !req
253. has been riding side-saddle
since he was 17.Copy !req
254. Mmm! And who would marry
the Earl of Doncaster?Copy !req
255. Well, no-one would...Copy !req
256. Brilliant! Of course!Copy !req
257. No-one would marry
the Earl of Doncaster!Copy !req
258. Except, perhaps,
the Duke of Beaufort.Copy !req
259. Well, what are we going to do?Copy !req
260. Well, first we've got to get you
looking right.Copy !req
261. - Right.
- Just need to drape something effeminateCopy !req
262. round your shoulders.Copy !req
263. Either of the Beaufort Twins should do.Copy !req
264. Right, perfect.Copy !req
265. Now all you need to do
is practise with Percy.Copy !req
266. Practise what?Copy !req
267. - Presentation, My Lord!
- Oh, I see.Copy !req
268. You stand over here,
and, My Lord, just there.Copy !req
269. Right. Now, Percy,
Lord Edmund is going to tryCopy !req
270. and make himself attractive to you.Copy !req
271. - Attractive?
- Mmm.Copy !req
272. You know, like the Earl of Doncaster.Copy !req
273. Good lord! Well, fair enough.Copy !req
274. No, you act normal!
I'm the Earl of Doncaster!Copy !req
275. - Oh, I see.
- It's me...Copy !req
276. - Right.
- Right.Copy !req
277. Go!Copy !req
278. Oh, my God,
this is impossible! I can't do this!Copy !req
279. Never mind. I have a couple more things
that might help.Copy !req
280. Percy, Percy, what am I going to do?Copy !req
281. Well, perhaps we could try
and strike up a conversation.Copy !req
282. Ah, right. Um...Copy !req
283. Hello there!Copy !req
284. Uh, hello.Copy !req
285. - How are you?
- I'm fine.Copy !req
286. Have you heard?Copy !req
287. Prince Edmund's going to marry
the Spanish Infanta.Copy !req
288. No, he damn well isn't!
And anyone who...Copy !req
289. Do you hear me?Copy !req
290. Yes, that's the kind of thing.Copy !req
291. Look out, here she comes.Copy !req
292. 'Morning, Doncaster!Copy !req
293. Chiswick, take this
to the Queen of Naples.Copy !req
294. - What is it, My Lord?
- The King of Naples.Copy !req
295. Immediately, My Lord.Copy !req
296. Right. Quick, quick!Copy !req
297. Oh, my God!Copy !req
298. Ah, some lark
for the stag party, what?Copy !req
299. Um, yes, yes, that's right.Copy !req
300. I don't think you've met
the Grand Duchess Ursula of Brandenburg.Copy !req
301. No.
How do you do, Ursula?Copy !req
302. Actually, I wanted to have
a word with youCopy !req
303. about my speech at the wedding feast.Copy !req
304. I thought perhaps
I'd go for a fruit motif.Copy !req
305. - Yes...
- Something like...Copy !req
306. "It is with extrawberry pleasure
that we welcome you.Copy !req
307. "May you be the apple
of your husband's eye,Copy !req
308. "and may he, in turn,
cherries you..."Copy !req
309. - "Cherish," you see.
- Oh.Copy !req
310. "Even though it's an oranged marriage.”Copy !req
311. Good, eh?Copy !req
312. Brilliant. Quite, quite brilliant.Copy !req
313. Yes, I thought it was rather good.Copy !req
314. I'm hoping to squeeze in
a "banana” by the end of the day.Copy !req
315. - Okay, My Lord, this is it.
- Right...Copy !req
316. Oh, Mother, for Christ's sakes,
what do you want?Copy !req
317. Oh! Nothing, nothing...Copy !req
318. It's working. It's working.Copy !req
319. "Oh, I embrace and love you utterly.”Copy !req
320. What?Copy !req
321. "Oh, what a love this must beCopy !req
322. "that you dress as a Spanish man
to delight me!"Copy !req
323. Oh, Baldrick!Copy !req
324. "What love, what love, what love."Copy !req
325. Baldrick, you fool!Copy !req
326. Look at the two lovebirds!Copy !req
327. One lovebird and one love-elephant!Copy !req
328. It's almost as if
they were married already.Copy !req
329. What did you say?Copy !req
330. It's almost as if
you were married already!Copy !req
331. That's what I thought you said! Oh.Copy !req
332. - Boys...
- Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
333. I think I have another plan.Copy !req
334. Hyah!Copy !req
335. Percy, is she the best you could do?Copy !req
336. I mean, I am marrying the woman!Copy !req
337. Yes, I know, but it's only
for a couple of days, isn't it?Copy !req
338. Yes, that's true.
Come on, hurry up, Father!Copy !req
339. Yes, very well.Copy !req
340. We are gathered here,
O gracious Lord,Copy !req
341. to bear witness, at very short notice...Copy !req
342. to the marriage of these
two God-fearing Christians,Copy !req
343. Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh,
and Tally Applebottom.Copy !req
344. - Is that right?
- Yes, that's right.Copy !req
345. Whoever would have thought it?Copy !req
346. The Duke of Edinburgh, consumed
with passion, whisks away little Tally.Copy !req
347. Shut up!Copy !req
348. Come on, get on with it,
Father, will you?Copy !req
349. Yes... Yes, very well.
Are you Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh?Copy !req
350. No, I'm a bowl of soup!Copy !req
351. Come on, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up...Copy !req
352. And are you Miss Tally Applebottom?Copy !req
353. - Missus.
- Missus.Copy !req
354. Ah...Copy !req
355. Ah...Copy !req
356. Well, never mind, get on with it,
Father, come on!Copy !req
357. Yes, but surely if she's...Copy !req
358. Look, the Church is never
going to progressCopy !req
359. if it isn't just a bit adaptable!Copy !req
360. But this is most unusual!Copy !req
361. Well, mind you, hasn't the Church
always dealt with the unusual?Copy !req
362. The miracle with the fishes,
for example.Copy !req
363. We'll continue.Copy !req
364. So, no-one knows any cause
or just impedimentCopy !req
365. why these persons may not
joined together in holy matrimony.Copy !req
366. - No.
- No.Copy !req
367. - No.
- No.Copy !req
368. - No.
- Yes!Copy !req
369. - Ah. And you are...
- Mr Applebottom.Copy !req
370. Then you are the father of the bride...Copy !req
371. No, I'm the husband of the bride.Copy !req
372. Oh, this is my husband, Thomas.Copy !req
373. Thomas, this is my fiance,
the Duke of Edinburgh.Copy !req
374. Prince Edmund, this is Thomas.Copy !req
375. Thomas, this is Father O'...Copy !req
376. Smith! I called about
the ducking-stool you found.Copy !req
377. Mr Applebottom, I was just wonderingCopy !req
378. whether I could possibly haveCopy !req
379. a temporary arrangement
with your good lady.Copy !req
380. I only need her for
a very short stint...Copy !req
381. Get out!Copy !req
382. Look... Look, you stupid peasant,Copy !req
383. all I want to do is marry your wife!Copy !req
384. Get out of here!Copy !req
385. Oh!Copy !req
386. That was the Duke of Edinburgh,
you know!Copy !req
387. No, that'll be the Earl of Doncaster.Copy !req
388. - "Well, this is nice."
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
389. "... to have a little talk about
a lady's things."Copy !req
390. - Just the two of us.
- Oh, yes, yes.Copy !req
391. "So tell me, Mrs Queen,
about Englishmen.”Copy !req
392. Well, they spend most of their time
with animals,Copy !req
393. you know, and with other men.Copy !req
394. But, oh, when they do come
to the women, they only want one thing.Copy !req
395. "And what is that?"Copy !req
396. Well, it's a kind of pudding
made of bread and butter and raisins,Copy !req
397. oh, and, of course, the other thing...Copy !req
398. "And what is the other thing?"Copy !req
399. Oh, well, custard!Copy !req
400. Crema!Copy !req
401. "Edmund, what's he like?"Copy !req
402. Well, I told you, this pudding...Copy !req
403. - No, no, no
- No?Copy !req
404. No. What's he like in bed?Copy !req
405. Oh. Well, in bed, he likes hot milk,Copy !req
406. with just a little touch of cinnamon.Copy !req
407. No, no, no, no, no. What is he like?Copy !req
408. Oh.Copy !req
409. Well, he's like a little rabbit, really.Copy !req
410. "Mummy, Mummy, how much I love him!"Copy !req
411. I would never have believed
that my stag party would be like this...Copy !req
412. The most depressing night of my life.Copy !req
413. Well, My Lord, at least
you can take solace from one thing.Copy !req
414. What's that?Copy !req
415. You can be pretty sure
your wife's a virgin.Copy !req
416. Or at least there are
no living witnesses to the contrary.Copy !req
417. If she wasn't,
we might still stand a chance.Copy !req
418. Officially, you've still
got to be a virgin.Copy !req
419. Right.Copy !req
420. What, My Lord?Copy !req
421. Oh!Copy !req
422. Oh, no.Copy !req
423. No.Copy !req
424. No!Copy !req
425. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
426. Please, My Lord,
I beg you to reconsider.Copy !req
427. Baldrick, if there was any other way,
you know I'd take it.Copy !req
428. But I'll die in there.Copy !req
429. Don't worry, we'll give you
a hero's funeral, bury you at sea,Copy !req
430. say you died in combat
with an enemy vessel.Copy !req
431. That's it. There we are.Copy !req
432. Go on, in you go.Copy !req
433. Little boy with big job to do.Copy !req
434. Come on, Percy, let's get the King.Copy !req
435. Infanta...Copy !req
436. Infanta...Copy !req
437. "Oh, Edmund, my love!"Copy !req
438. - My Lord, Your Majesty...
- What?Copy !req
439. I bring the gravest of news.Copy !req
440. What? Have the armies of the Rhine
been slaughtered to a manCopy !req
441. and their heads cut off,Copy !req
442. and melted cheese
poured down their nostrilsCopy !req
443. in the traditional Swiss manner?Copy !req
444. No, My Lord.Copy !req
445. "Don't hold back,
please, my little one.”Copy !req
446. Do you bring me news
of the Russian royal familyCopy !req
447. mistaken for bison
due to their excessive winter clothing,Copy !req
448. and hunted down, chopped to piecesCopy !req
449. and eaten as little sweets
by Mongolian bandits?Copy !req
450. No, My Lord.Copy !req
451. Well, what then?Copy !req
452. My Lord,
the Spanish Infanta is not a virgin.Copy !req
453. Oh, yes, I know that!Copy !req
454. Her uncle told me.Copy !req
455. "Again please!"Copy !req
456. We took 500 off the dowry because of it.Copy !req
457. But I thought that...Copy !req
458. Only one of you has to be a virgin!Copy !req
459. Anything else?Copy !req
460. Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together,Copy !req
461. here in the sight of our Lord,Copy !req
462. to witness the marriage
of two God-fearing Christians.Copy !req
463. Are you Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh?Copy !req
464. Yes, I am...Copy !req
465. And are you
Maria Escalosa Fiona Infanta?Copy !req
466. "Yes,
you stupid person, hurry up...Copy !req
467. "I wish to entwine him again
in my broad thighs."Copy !req
468. Marriage is an holy state,
conceived by God.Copy !req
469. If any man here knows just cause
why they may not be married...Copy !req
470. OA, dear Lord,
please help me now!Copy !req
471. let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.Copy !req
472. Now's your chance!Copy !req
473. So be it.Copy !req
474. Oh, thanks a lot!Copy !req
475. Come on, hurry up!Copy !req
476. Do you, Edmund Plantagenet,
take Maria Escalosa...Copy !req
477. Oh, do shut up!Copy !req
478. - Silencio!
- ... to be your lawful wedded wife,Copy !req
479. to have and to hold,
to cherish and to delight,Copy !req
480. to chastise and to beat until death?Copy !req
481. Until death do you part?Copy !req
482. Speak up, can't hear a thing back here!Copy !req
483. I do.Copy !req
484. Still can't hear!Copy !req
485. I do, I do, I do!Copy !req
486. Do you, Maria Escalosa Infanta...Copy !req
487. take Edmund Plantagenet
to be your lawful wedded husband?Copy !req
488. - "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
- Oh no!Copy !req
489. - I then pronounce you...
- Stop!Copy !req
490. Christ!Copy !req
491. I bring absolutely unbelievable news
that must halt the wedding.Copy !req
492. What? Have the Swiss and French
made sudden peace with each otherCopy !req
493. at a mountain-pass rendezvous,Copy !req
494. then forged a clandestine alliance
with Spain,Copy !req
495. thus leaving us
without friends in Europe,Copy !req
496. unless by chance we make
an immediate pact with Hungary?Copy !req
497. - Yes.
- As I thought!Copy !req
498. Are there any Hungarian princesses
in the castle?Copy !req
499. Oh, yes, Father, I think I've got one.Copy !req
500. Yes. Princess Leia of Hungary.Copy !req
501. What's she like?Copy !req
502. Leia is, "Young and beautiful,Copy !req
503. "her eyes are like opals and her hair
a cascade of perfect chestnut.”Copy !req
504. Oh, well!
That sounds all right, doesn't it!Copy !req
505. "Excuse me, what is happening, please?”Copy !req
506. Call her into the court!Copy !req
507. And as for that great
Spanish dumpling there...Copy !req
508. Get her out of my sight at once,
or I'll eat her!Copy !req
509. "My love! Beside me! Beside me!”Copy !req
510. Sorry, what can I do. Politics!Copy !req
511. Come on, come on, come on!Copy !req
512. Where is she?
Where is she? Where is Princess Leia?Copy !req
513. Ah, good, good!Copy !req
514. Osmund, meet your new wife...Copy !req
515. Hello, Edmund.Copy !req
516. Hello...Copy !req
517. Are we getting married now?Copy !req
518. Yes, yes, I believe we are...Copy !req
519. Come on, then.Copy !req
520. Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...Copy !req
521. "... and so it came to pass
that the big bearCopy !req
522. "had to leave all his friendsCopy !req
523. "and go to live in a land far away,Copy !req
524. "where the elves and the fairies
would look after himCopy !req
525. "until the day that he died.”Copy !req
526. Oh, that was lovely, Edmund.Copy !req
527. What a happy story.Copy !req
528. Isn't it time to put the light out?Copy !req
529. Yes, my dear, I think it is.Copy !req
530. It must be at least 6:00...Copy !req
531. The sound of hoof beats
cross the gladeCopy !req
532. Good folk
lock up your son and daughterCopy !req
533. Beware
the deadly flashing bladeCopy !req
534. Unless you want
to end up shorterCopy !req
535. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
536. He rides a pitch black steedCopy !req
537. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
538. He's very bad indeedCopy !req
539. Black, his gloves of finest moleCopy !req
540. Black, his codpiece made of metalCopy !req
541. His horse is blacker than a voleCopy !req
542. His pot is blacker than his kettleCopy !req
543. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
544. With many a cunning planCopy !req
545. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
546. You horrid little man!Copy !req
547. Can I have
a drink of water, please?Copy !req
548. Yes, yes, yes, all right.Copy !req