1. Dying...Copy !req
2. My Lords. Am I dying?Copy !req
3. - Never!
- Never!Copy !req
4. Yet, my son, to pass away
the idle hours till your recovery...Copy !req
5. Let us imagine you yourself
were to pass away.Copy !req
6. To whom would you leave your lands?Copy !req
7. To me, of course!Copy !req
8. Yes. To my beloved King.Copy !req
9. May your filthy soul
be prepared for Hell, my son.Copy !req
10. Hell? Yes, Hell,Copy !req
11. where Satan belches fire and enormous
devils break wind both night and day...Copy !req
12. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
13. And where the mind is never free
from the torments of remorseCopy !req
14. and your bottom never free
from the pricking of little forks.Copy !req
15. No! Spare me the little forks!Copy !req
16. Oh!
What is this nonsense?Copy !req
17. Hell, where the softest bits
of your nether regionsCopy !req
18. are everybody else's favourite lunch.Copy !req
19. Oh, Christ!Copy !req
20. Forgive me, sire,Copy !req
21. I will change my will...Copy !req
22. and leave my land to the Church.Copy !req
23. What?Copy !req
24. Blessed be thy stainless soul!Copy !req
25. Ah, you will change your mind later.
I know it!Copy !req
26. I think not.Copy !req
27. Now, Baldrick, what news?Copy !req
28. Well, My Lord,
an informed source tells meCopy !req
29. that the Duchess of Gloucester
has given birth to twin goblins.Copy !req
30. No, no, no, about
the Duke of Winchester.Copy !req
31. Oh, he's still hanging on.Copy !req
32. He must be on his last legs
by now, My Lord.Copy !req
33. Yes, but how many sets of legs
has that man got?Copy !req
34. I wish he'd make up his mind,
either he dies or he lives forever.Copy !req
35. It's his shitty-shallying
that's so undignified.Copy !req
36. My Lord, I come with tragic news.Copy !req
37. - What, died at last, has he?
- Who, My Lord?Copy !req
38. Oh, I see!Copy !req
39. Now the idea is that you ask me what
the message is before you tell it to me.Copy !req
40. Quite brilliant!Copy !req
41. I must say, I was referring to
the Duke of Winchester.Copy !req
42. Who, My Lord?Copy !req
43. Right, let's try to sort this out
in words of one syllable, shall we?Copy !req
44. - Someone has died, yes?
- Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
45. Who is it that has died?Copy !req
46. The Archbishop
of Canterbury, My Lord.Copy !req
47. - Are you a cretin?
- Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
48. The Archbishop of Canterbury?Copy !req
49. Oh, no! The King has done it again.Copy !req
50. That's the third this year!
How did this one die?Copy !req
51. 'Orribly, My Lord.Copy !req
52. - Any details?
- 'Orribly is all I was given.Copy !req
53. - There you are.
- My Lord, I come with tragic news.Copy !req
54. I've heard it. Will you go away?Copy !req
55. Oh, dear!Copy !req
56. Edmund, the Archbishop of Canterbury
has met with a most tragic accident.Copy !req
57. There seems to be some confusion,Copy !req
58. but I think
I've fathomed out how it came about.Copy !req
59. Yes, I think I've got
a pretty shrewd idea myself.Copy !req
60. You see, Archbishop Godfrey was coming
out of the Duke of Winchester's room.Copy !req
61. Who had just died
leaving all his lands to the Church?Copy !req
62. Well, as a matter of fact, yes.Copy !req
63. And so the King was really
after his blood, presumably.Copy !req
64. Well, I daresay,
but the point of the matter is,Copy !req
65. that at that moment, round the corner
came Sir Tavish Mortimer.Copy !req
66. The King's hired killer?Copy !req
67. No, no, no, Mortimer, that tall
rather striking fellow with no ears.Copy !req
68. - Yes, that's him.
- Well, he came round the corner,Copy !req
69. saw the ArchbishopCopy !req
70. and rushed towards him
with his head bowed,Copy !req
71. in order to receive his blessing and...
And unfortunately killed him stone dead.Copy !req
72. How?Copy !req
73. Mortimer was wearing
a Turkish helmet.Copy !req
74. Oh, I see, yes, one of those with
a two feet spike coming off the top.Copy !req
75. Yes, one of those things
they normally useCopy !req
76. for butting their enemies
in the stomachCopy !req
77. - and killing them stone dead.
- Stone dead.Copy !req
78. Yes, so, presumably
he'd forgotten he was wearing it?Copy !req
79. How do you know that?Copy !req
80. That's exactly what
the poor fellow had done.Copy !req
81. A tragic accident. Tragic.Copy !req
82. Ah, yes, almost as tragic as
Archbishop BertramCopy !req
83. being struck by a falling gargoyle
while slipping off Beachy Head.Copy !req
84. Quite. Quite. And nearly
as tragic as poor old Archbishop WilfredCopy !req
85. slipping and falling backwards
onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral.Copy !req
86. Oh, Lord, you do work
in mysterious ways.Copy !req
87. I just don't know how I'm going to
break it to his catamite.Copy !req
88. What a tragic accident, My Lord.Copy !req
89. Accident, my codling!Copy !req
90. Who do you think
will take over?Copy !req
91. Oh, I don't know, every one
of the bishop fellows, I should imagine.Copy !req
92. They tend to go for religious types.Copy !req
93. Rumour has it, My Lord, that the King
wants to choose Prince Harry.Copy !req
94. - Really?
- Prince Harry Archbishop, My Lord?Copy !req
95. Good Lord!
Prince Harry Archbishop!Copy !req
96. And we all know what happens
to archbishops, don't we?Copy !req
97. Yes, they go to Canterbury.Copy !req
98. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
99. Oh, yes!Copy !req
100. Are you sure about
your source, Baldrick?Copy !req
101. Yeah, it was Jane Smart,
you know, she was the one who told meCopy !req
102. about the Duchess Of Kent
and the chocolate chastity belt.Copy !req
103. Oh, yes! Blimey!Copy !req
104. Well, with Harry gone...Copy !req
105. The Black Adder will be...Copy !req
106. - King!
- King!Copy !req
107. - Next!
- Next!Copy !req
108. Yes, today could be one of the most
important days of my life so far.Copy !req
109. Percy, I shall require my most splendid
garments for the ceremony.Copy !req
110. - Certainly, My Lord. Hat, My Lord?
- Trojan, I think.Copy !req
111. - Boots, My Lord?
- The Italian.Copy !req
112. And codpiece, My Lord?Copy !req
113. Well, let's go for
the black Russian, shall we?Copy !req
114. It always terrifies the clergy.Copy !req
115. - Any news, Baldrick?
- Not really, My Lord.Copy !req
116. Apparently, Lord Wilders
is keeping his sheep in his bedroom,Copy !req
117. - but nothing on the appointment, no.
- Fair enough.Copy !req
118. - Why are you dressed like this, Edmund?
- Like what, sorry?Copy !req
119. Well, this enormous nonsense here.Copy !req
120. Fingers crossed!Copy !req
121. Members of the court and clergy,Copy !req
122. I have, at last, after careful
consultation with the Lord God,Copy !req
123. his son, Jesus Christ,Copy !req
124. and his insubstantial friend,
the Holy Ghost,Copy !req
125. decided upon the next archbishop.Copy !req
126. May he last longer in his post
than his predecessors.Copy !req
127. Fat chance!Copy !req
128. I appoint to the Holy See of Canterbury,
my own son,Copy !req
129. Edwin, Duke of Edinburgh!Copy !req
130. Archbishop, we salute thee!Copy !req
131. - Congratulations!
- Don't!Copy !req
132. Oh.Copy !req
133. Use both hands. Very good, very good!Copy !req
134. Ow!Copy !req
135. Well done.
Well done, Harry!Copy !req
136. Enter!Copy !req
137. Ah, Your Majesty!Copy !req
138. Ah! My Lord Archbishop!Copy !req
139. There were just a couple of pointsCopy !req
140. about my appointment
before things are firmed up.Copy !req
141. - Yes?
- Firstly, could I...Copy !req
142. - No, you couldn't.
- Fine. And secondly...Copy !req
143. Don't be mistaken about
this appointment, Edmund.Copy !req
144. I've always despised you.Copy !req
145. Well, you are my father, of course.Copy !req
146. I mean, you're biased.Copy !req
147. You, compared to your beloved
brother Harry...Copy !req
148. are as excrement
compared to cream.Copy !req
149. Oh, My Lord, you flatter me!Copy !req
150. And me, also.Copy !req
151. So now, my boy,Copy !req
152. when I've at last found a use for you,
don't try to get out of it.Copy !req
153. No, no, no. No, certainly not.Copy !req
154. I just wondered whether
perhaps another manCopy !req
155. equally weak-willed and feeble
might do just as well.Copy !req
156. Ha! There's no such man!Copy !req
157. Oh, no. No, of course not.
Silly me!Copy !req
158. I thought, though, perhaps,
someone who believed in God?Copy !req
159. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
160. If I needed someone who believed in God,
I'd have chosen Harry.Copy !req
161. Not an embarrassing
little weed like you.Copy !req
162. Oh, well, I think that's
everything cleared up.Copy !req
163. Goodness! It must be almost time
for evensong. Must be going.Copy !req
164. Edmund!Copy !req
165. Come here.Copy !req
166. A word of advice.Copy !req
167. If you cross me now, or ever,Copy !req
168. I shall do unto you
what God did unto the Sodomites.Copy !req
169. Oh, My Lord, I don't think
that's a very good idea.Copy !req
170. You understand?Copy !req
171. Well, I shall make myself available
for all eventualities.Copy !req
172. Thank you so much.Copy !req
173. Flee!Copy !req
174. Now, we've got
the thumbscrews, the foot-crusher,Copy !req
175. the nose-hooks,
those long rods you ram...Copy !req
176. - Where's the dwarf?
- Here, Me Lord.Copy !req
177. - Right, let's go.
- Archbishop!Copy !req
178. Uh...Copy !req
179. - Hail.
- Going somewhere?Copy !req
180. Um...Copy !req
181. - Yes.
- Where?Copy !req
182. Canterbury.Copy !req
183. Oh, good!Copy !req
184. Harry here will accompany you.Copy !req
185. I would hate to see you murdered
before your investiture.Copy !req
186. Chiswick! Fresh horses!Copy !req
187. My Lord, if we're going to catch
the boat for France,Copy !req
188. you'll have to hurry.Copy !req
189. - The boat to France?
- Um, you off to France, Percy?Copy !req
190. I thought we all were.Copy !req
191. No, no. Harry and I are
off to Canterbury, aren't we, Harry?Copy !req
192. Oh, I see.
You've changed your plan.Copy !req
193. No. No, not really.
The only change is if you could goCopy !req
194. and put your face in some manure at a
reasonable distance, that would be fine.Copy !req
195. Coming?Copy !req
196. And another thing
bothers me, Your Grace,Copy !req
197. suppose my right hand
offends me and I cut it off,Copy !req
198. well, what if my left hand
offends me as well?Copy !req
199. I mean,
what do I cut if off with?Copy !req
200. Ah, yes.
Yes, that is a knotty one.Copy !req
201. Yes.Copy !req
202. Here, who's that?Copy !req
203. I don't know, but that tall fellow,
he had a face full of manure.Copy !req
204. That's what I call style!Copy !req
205. Do you, Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh
believe in God the Father,Copy !req
206. God the Son
and God the Holy Ghost?Copy !req
207. - Yes.
- Um, yes.Copy !req
208. I then name thee
Archbishop of CanterburyCopy !req
209. and primate of all England.Copy !req
210. His investiture over,Copy !req
211. Archbishop Edmund the Unwilling,Copy !req
212. swiftly adopted the ways of the cloth.Copy !req
213. But ever the shadow
of his father's threat hung over him,Copy !req
214. until, at last, one day...Copy !req
215. Tell me, Brother Baldrick,Copy !req
216. exactly what did God
do to the Sodomites?Copy !req
217. I don't know, My Lord.Copy !req
218. I can't imagine it was worse
than what they used to do to each other.Copy !req
219. Oh, my God! This is it!Copy !req
220. Baldrick, go and get me
Lord Bishop of Ramsgate.Copy !req
221. Get Percy! Get Percy!Copy !req
222. My life is hanging by a thread.Copy !req
223. And if I don't leave my lands
to the Church, then what?Copy !req
224. Then, Lord Graveney,
you will assuredly go to Hell.Copy !req
225. Alas!Copy !req
226. Hell, where the air is pungent
with the aroma of roasted behinds.Copy !req
227. No, no!Copy !req
228. I place my lands
in the hands of the Church.Copy !req
229. And so bid the world farewell!Copy !req
230. What? The Archbishop not yet arrived?Copy !req
231. Not yet, and even if he did arrive...Copy !req
232. - Wait!
- Too late!Copy !req
233. Get out of my way!Copy !req
234. I'll kill the pair of you!Copy !req
235. Like I killed you brother.
I'll abolish the Church!Copy !req
236. My Lord! My Lord! Argh!Copy !req
237. I said, out!
Get out! My Lord! My Lord! My Lord!Copy !req
238. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!Copy !req
239. Am I in paradise?Copy !req
240. No, no. Not yet.Copy !req
241. Then this must be Hell.
Alas! Spare my posterior!Copy !req
242. No, you're all right, it's England.Copy !req
243. And you are not Satan?Copy !req
244. No, I'm the Archbishop
of Canterbury.Copy !req
245. Oh, Your Grace, Your Grace,
I have left all my lands to the Church.Copy !req
246. Am I to be saved?Copy !req
247. No, you treacherous swine!
I'll kill you!Copy !req
248. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!Copy !req
249. Let's... Let's just take this
through in stages, shall we?Copy !req
250. Erm, you know, the Church
doesn't really need your lands.Copy !req
251. No, what it needs is
a damn good thrashing!Copy !req
252. But if I do not gain its blessing,
I will surely go to Hell!Copy !req
253. - Hell, where tiny tweezers...
- Get out!Copy !req
254. Someone like you go to Hell?
Never! Never!Copy !req
255. But I have committed many sins.Copy !req
256. Yeah, well, haven't we all?
Haven't we all?Copy !req
257. I murdered my father.Copy !req
258. I know how you feel.Copy !req
259. - Alas!
- Hurry up, Egbert!Copy !req
260. And I have committed adultery.Copy !req
261. Well, who hasn't?Copy !req
262. More than a thousand times.Copy !req
263. Well, it is 1487.Copy !req
264. - With my mother.
- What?Copy !req
265. You see, I will go to Hell.Copy !req
266. Hell, where growths like turnips
sprout out the nose and the ears.Copy !req
267. Kill that bishop!Copy !req
268. Um, well, let's take Hell.Copy !req
269. Um, you know, Hell isn't as bad
as it's cracked up to be.Copy !req
270. - What?
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
271. No, you see, the thing
about Heaven is that HeavenCopy !req
272. is for people who like
the sort of things that go on in Heaven,Copy !req
273. like, well, singing,
talking to God, watering pot plants.Copy !req
274. Whereas Hell, on the other hand,Copy !req
275. is for people who like
the other sorts of things.Copy !req
276. Adultery, pillage, torture...Copy !req
277. Those areas.Copy !req
278. - Really?
- Leave your lands to the CrownCopy !req
279. and once you're dead,
you'll have the time of your life.Copy !req
280. Adultery, pillage, through all eternity?Copy !req
281. Yep!Copy !req
282. Struck with large sticks
against your tender portions...Copy !req
283. Well, then...Copy !req
284. - Your decision.
- Very well.Copy !req
285. I leave my lands to the Crown.Copy !req
286. And my soul in the hands of the Lord.Copy !req
287. May he treat me
like the piece of refuse that I amCopy !req
288. and send me to Hell
where I belong.Copy !req
289. - Amen!
- Amen.Copy !req
290. You're a very lucky man.Copy !req
291. I wish I could be coming with you,Copy !req
292. but, you know, being Archbishop...Copy !req
293. - I'm so sorry.
- No, no, it's all right.Copy !req
294. Oh!Copy !req
295. - My son!
- Father!Copy !req
296. - Father!
- My son!Copy !req
297. Who's that?Copy !req
298. Looks like the kind of pair who would
kill the Archbishop of Canterbury to me.Copy !req
299. Typical!Copy !req
300. Die, you Turkish dog!Copy !req
301. You Turkish pig!Copy !req
302. - Father, it's me! Pax!
- Oh, yes of course.Copy !req
303. Sorry, Harry.
You're improving.Copy !req
304. Yes. Well, thank you, Father.Copy !req
305. Good night, Mother.Copy !req
306. He's gaining on me!
He's gaining on me!Copy !req
307. And how was Edmund?Copy !req
308. Oh, well, well, very well.Copy !req
309. Chiswick! Fresh horse!Copy !req
310. And how are his dear little sheep?Copy !req
311. - Whose sheep?
- Edmund's sheep.Copy !req
312. What sheep?Copy !req
313. Well, the ones at Canterbury.Copy !req
314. His flock that
he was talking about.Copy !req
315. Oh, my God!Copy !req
316. I can't understand it.
Edmund doesn't even like religion.Copy !req
317. That's impossible.
He's the Archbishop of Canterbury!Copy !req
318. Yes, and the Archbishop
of CanterburyCopy !req
319. is also a naughty little boy
whose bottom I had to smackCopy !req
320. for relieving himself in the pond.Copy !req
321. Oh! But that was a long time ago.Copy !req
322. It was last Thursday.Copy !req
323. Well, the boy's turned out well.Copy !req
324. A long and healthy life to him!Copy !req
325. Ah!Copy !req
326. I'll find God with him in my lifetime.Copy !req
327. Never again shall I have to say,Copy !req
328. "Who will rid me
of this turbulent priest?"Copy !req
329. And what is that?Copy !req
330. Something that my ancestor,
Henry II, once saidCopy !req
331. when he was having trouble
with Thomas a Becket.Copy !req
332. He was sitting at a table like this
with two drunken knightsCopy !req
333. and he yelled out, "Who will rid me
of this turbulent priest?"Copy !req
334. What?Copy !req
335. Oh, God save us.Copy !req
336. I said, "Who will rid me
of this turbulent priest?"Copy !req
337. Meaning who?Copy !req
338. The Archbishop of Canterbury, of course!Copy !req
339. Well, they went straight off
and killed him, of course.Copy !req
340. Right. Now, let's get down
to business, shall we?Copy !req
341. Business, My Lord?Copy !req
342. Yes, Baldrick's been looking
at some of the waysCopy !req
343. we can actually make
a bit of money on this job.Copy !req
344. Basically, there appear to be
four major profit areas.Copy !req
345. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
346. Curses, pardons, relics and selling
the sexual favours of the nuns.Copy !req
347. - Selling the sexual favours of the nuns?
- Yeah.Copy !req
348. Do you mean that some people
actually pay for them?Copy !req
349. Foreign business men,
other nuns, yes.Copy !req
350. Let's start with pardons.Copy !req
351. Right. Well, this is a fair selection.Copy !req
352. Basically you seem to get
what you pay for.Copy !req
353. They run all the way from this one,Copy !req
354. which is a pardon for talking
with your mouth fullCopy !req
355. signed by an apprentice curate
in Tewkesbury.Copy !req
356. - Ah. How much is that?
- Two pebbles.Copy !req
357. All the way up to this one,Copy !req
358. which is a pardon
for anything whatsoever,Copy !req
359. including murder, adultery,
or dismemberment...Copy !req
360. of a close friend
or relative.Copy !req
361. - And who is that signed by?
- Both Popes.Copy !req
362. Ah! That's a good one.Copy !req
363. Curses are pretty much the same, really,
I got this one for half an egg.Copy !req
364. Ah. Curse.Copy !req
365. "Dear Enemy, I curse youCopy !req
366. "and hope that something
slightly unpleasant happens to you,Copy !req
367. "like an onion
falling on your head."Copy !req
368. Yeah, well,
that's the bottom end of the market,Copy !req
369. they run all the way
to this one for four ducats.Copy !req
370. "Dear Enemy,
may the Lord hate you and all your kind.Copy !req
371. "May you be turned orange in hueCopy !req
372. "and may your head fall off
at an awkward moment."Copy !req
373. - Does this work?
- Yes.Copy !req
374. - Really?
- Yes!Copy !req
375. - Really?
- No.Copy !req
376. Moving on to relics,
we've got shrouds from Turin,Copy !req
377. wine from the wedding at Cana,
splinters from the cross.Copy !req
378. And of course there's
all the stuff made by JesusCopy !req
379. - in his days in the carpentry shop.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
380. Got pipe racks,
coffee tables, cake stands,Copy !req
381. book ends, crucifixes,
a nice cheeseboard,Copy !req
382. fruit bowls, waterproof sandals.Copy !req
383. I haven't finished this one yet.Copy !req
384. But this is disgraceful, My Lord.
All of these are obviously fake.Copy !req
385. Ha! Yes.Copy !req
386. But how will people be able
to tell the differenceCopy !req
387. between these and the real relics?Copy !req
388. They won't. That's the point.Copy !req
389. You won't be able to fool everyone...Copy !req
390. Look!Copy !req
391. I have here a true relic.Copy !req
392. What is it?Copy !req
393. It is a bone from
the finger of our Lord.Copy !req
394. It cost me 31 pieces of silver.Copy !req
395. - Good Lord! Is it real?
- It is, My Lord.Copy !req
396. - Baldrick, you stand amazed.
- I am.Copy !req
397. I thought they only came
in boxes of ten.Copy !req
398. - I could've given you one of mine.
- What?Copy !req
399. Yeah, fingers are really big
at the moment, mind you.Copy !req
400. For a really quick sale,
you can't beat a nose.Copy !req
401. This is the Sacred Appendage
Compendium Party Pack.Copy !req
402. You get Jesus' nose, St Peter's nose,Copy !req
403. couple of St Francis' nose and...Copy !req
404. Oh, no. They're Joan of Arc's.Copy !req
405. You bastard verger!
I'll show him!Copy !req
406. I'll show him!Copy !req
407. Oh, no!Copy !req
408. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
409. Good evening.
And what can I do for you?Copy !req
410. Well, we're here to murder
the Archbishop of Canter...Copy !req
411. - ... bury's enemies.
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
412. - We fear he may be in danger.
- Really? How?Copy !req
413. Well, let me see.Copy !req
414. Perhaps, good King Richard,Copy !req
415. angry with the Archbishop
for some reason.Copy !req
416. - Don't know why.
- Might well send two drunken knightsCopy !req
417. - freshly returned from the Crusades...
- The Crusades...Copy !req
418. on a mission to
wreak vengeance on him.Copy !req
419. That's a good point.
It has happened before.Copy !req
420. - Quite.
- Yes indeed.Copy !req
421. I'm sorry, I didn't
quite catch your names.Copy !req
422. George de Boeuf.Copy !req
423. How do you do?Copy !req
424. Justin de Boinod.Copy !req
425. Two drunken knights
freshly returned from the CrusadesCopy !req
426. and here on a mission for
good King Richard.Copy !req
427. - God bless him!
- Amen.Copy !req
428. And your mission?Copy !req
429. Well, as I said, we're here to kill...Copy !req
430. - A bit of time before our next Crusade.
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
431. Oh, right, yes.
Well, I'll just go and get him.Copy !req
432. Ah, Baldrick, a couple of knights here
to see the Archbishop.Copy !req
433. Oh, my God!Copy !req
434. Monks!Copy !req
435. My Lord, I've got something to say
that's going to shock you.Copy !req
436. If it's the one about the nuns
of Uppingham and the candelabra,Copy !req
437. don't bother, I've heard it.Copy !req
438. No, the fact is, there's two men outside
who've come to kill you.Copy !req
439. What?Copy !req
440. I'm tired.
I'm terribly sorry about this.Copy !req
441. I'll just see what the delay is.Copy !req
442. - Please do.
- Oh, feel free.Copy !req
443. Look, what's going on?Copy !req
444. Those two men have come to kill us!Copy !req
445. Oh, come on! Honestly, Baldrick,Copy !req
446. just because a couple of people
have a bit of breeding,Copy !req
447. you assume they're bound
to be mindless killers!Copy !req
448. Oh, my God!
There's no way out!Copy !req
449. Help! Help!Copy !req
450. Oh, my God, help us!Copy !req
451. They've dropped off!Copy !req
452. Damn! They must have gone down
the secret passage to the nunnery.Copy !req
453. Little sisters of indolence,
three men came in.Copy !req
454. Which way did they go?Copy !req
455. Er, I think they went that way.Copy !req
456. God bless you!Copy !req
457. Wait a jiffy!Copy !req
458. They'll be watching out for us
dressed like this. Quick! In here!Copy !req
459. Pray, sister, have you
seen two burly knights pass this way?Copy !req
460. No, sister. More's the pity!Copy !req
461. Why don't you try that way?Copy !req
462. - Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
463. And yet, Mother Superior,
as God said to Paul in the Ephesians,Copy !req
464. "A woman is like a bat,
often heard but never seen."Copy !req
465. No, I don't think so, Sara.Copy !req
466. - Shall we check the dormitory?Copy !req
467. Oh, yes, Mother Superior.
What a good idea!Copy !req
468. Help!Copy !req
469. Girls! Girls! Girls!Copy !req
470. If I've told you once
I've told you a thousand times,Copy !req
471. fighting in the dormitories
is completely forbidden!Copy !req
472. Who is the ringleader here?Copy !req
473. You! Yes, you, the plain girl!Copy !req
474. Oh, my God!
It's the Archbishop of Canterbury!Copy !req
475. And a man!Copy !req
476. I think I can explain.Copy !req
477. And that, sweet lady,
is the whole story.Copy !req
478. Let us go over the facts again.Copy !req
479. Having been appointed archbishop,Copy !req
480. you found that all your interests lay
in the beauty of your vestments.Copy !req
481. Ah, the fine embroidery!Copy !req
482. Unable to resist the slide
into depravity,Copy !req
483. you began to dress up
in the habit of a nun.Copy !req
484. I could not resist the texture
of the hessian under things!Copy !req
485. Oh, I can understand that.Copy !req
486. Then you forced
the Bishop of RamsgateCopy !req
487. and one Brother Baldrick
to do so also.Copy !req
488. Oh, may I be cursed for it!Copy !req
489. And finally, you got two knights drunkCopy !req
490. and invited them to come
and wrestle with you inside the nunneryCopy !req
491. in an orgy of heathen perversity.Copy !req
492. That's it, yes.Copy !req
493. It's shameful to tell
there's an unmistakable ring of truthCopy !req
494. and I must therefore tell youCopy !req
495. that this morning I have
written urgently to all three PopesCopy !req
496. recommending your
immediate excommunication.Copy !req
497. Never more may you be
Archbishop of Canterbury!Copy !req
498. - Oh, dear!
- That's enough, Sister Sara.Copy !req
499. I think he's learnt his lesson.Copy !req
500. Sorry?Copy !req
501. Oh. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
502. Go, sinner, and meet thy doom!Copy !req
503. Quick! The nunnery's on fire!Copy !req
504. The sound of hoof beats
cross the gladeCopy !req
505. Good folk
lock up your son and daughterCopy !req
506. Beware
the deadly flashing bladeCopy !req
507. Unless you want
to end up shorterCopy !req
508. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
509. He rides a pitch black steedCopy !req
510. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
511. He's very bad indeedCopy !req
512. Black, his gloves of finest moleCopy !req
513. Black, his codpiece made of metalCopy !req
514. His horse is blacker than a voleCopy !req
515. His pot is blacker than his kettleCopy !req
516. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
517. With many a cunning planCopy !req
518. Black Adder! Black Adder!Copy !req
519. You horrid little man!Copy !req
520. Alas! The corruption of the world!Copy !req
521. Yes, alas, Mother Superior.Copy !req
522. I'm tired and weary.Copy !req
523. - You may leave me now.
- Very well.Copy !req
524. Alas!Copy !req
525. So, presumably you won't be
needing the unicorn tonight?Copy !req
526. No. No, not tonight, Sara.Copy !req