- 1. Captain Daly.
- 2. A non-federation vessel jumped straight
out of white space right in front of us.
- 3. - Valdack.
- That can't be.
- 4. My data scan indicates
a heavily armored Gorgan Dreadnought,
- 5. vessel ID number 9864321.
- 6. Thank you, Dudani. Valdack must have
hijacked it from the Fermi hub
- 7. and tracked our position.
- 8. - Tulaska, shield status?
- Shields 100%.
- 9. - Helmsman Packer?
- 10. - Prime rear thrusters.
- Rear thrusters primed.
- 11. If that's Valdack, he'll rip us to shreds.
- 12. Captain, we have to surrender.
There's no other way.
- 13. Let's not lose our heads,
- 14. - Shields at 68%.
- 15. Heavy damage reported,
decks six through ten.
- 16. Fires in med center
and major rupture to cargo bay Alpha.
- 17. We've got no choice!
- 18. Do you want me to open comms
with Valdack's craft, Captain?
- 19. - Negative.
- 20. - Shields at 54%.
- There's no way out.
- 21. - Captain, please.
Not now, Walton.
- 22. Helmsman Packer,
take us into that asteroid gas cluster.
- 23. - Into the cluster?
- That's suicide, sir.
- 24. It is our only chance.
- 25. That gas cluster is charged
with ionized pyron particles.
- 26. If our shields hold, we can use them
to increase our photon intensity.
- 27. Packer, increase thrusters.
- 28. Shields at 43%.
- 29. It'll tear the ship apart, Captain!
- 30. Walton, you are a Space Fleet officer.
- 31. - Shields at 32%.
- Valdack's not following.
- 32. Packer, turn us around.
- 33. Tulaska, charge photon bolts.
- Bolts charged, Captain.
- 34. - Fire!
- 35. His hull's breached, shields gone.
- 36. - Lieutenant Lowry, open comms.
- He's already hailing us, Captain.
- 37. Captain Daly, may you drown
in the venom of 900 Tragorian snakes!
- 38. You are defeated, Valdack.
- 39. Return the plasmorthian crystal
and we'll cause you no more damage.
- 40. You must think me a fool, Captain!
- 41. I know the crystal's capabilities,
and I will die before I give it up!
- 42. I gave you a chance, Valdack,
showed you mercy.
- 43. - Reflect on that while you can.
- 44. - Close comms.
- 45. - Tulaska, destroy his ship.
- Yes, Captain.
- 46. - That was incredible, Captain.
- You saved our lives.
- 47. I'm so sorry
I lost it back there, Captain.
- 48. Not for the first time, Walton.
- 49. And I should know by now
never to doubt you.
- 50. Please forgive me.
- 51. At ease, Walton.
- 52. Captain, sensors indicate
an escape pod ejected
- 53. from Valdack's ship before detonation.
- 54. He's escaping with the crystal.
- 55. You want me to plot
a pursuit course, Captain?
- 56. No.
- 57. We'll let him go... for now.
- 58. - Great decision-making, Captain.
- Three cheers for Captain Daly.
- 59. - Hip hip.
- 60. - Hip hip.
- 61. - Hip hip.
- 62. God bless you, Captain. God bless you.
- 63. Thirteenth floor.
- 64. - Welcome to Callister.
- 65. Excuse me.
- 66. Excuse me.
- 67. Hey.
- 68. Uh... Elena, my pass doesn't work.
- 69. You must renew on first of each month.
- 70. Yeah, I know that,
but the first was on the weekend, so...
- 71. OK.
- 72. Thank you.
- 73. You're welcome.
- 74. Prepare to enter
- 75. the most immersive gaming experience
- 76. Infinity, from Callister Inc.
- 77. - Morning, Mr. Daly.
- Helmsman Packer.
- 78. Huh?
- 79. Uh, I mean, Mr. Packer. Nate.
- 80. OK.
- 81. Are you making coffees?
- 82. Yeah.
- 83. Do you think maybe
you could make me one too?
- 84. Sure, sure. Uh, what do you want?
- 85. Just vanilla latte. Skim milk.
- 86. Yeah, good call. 'Cause...
- 87. those are very, very big numbers.
- 88. We might just have to hold you to that.
Well, no, yes, of course.
- 89. Sure. Yes.
- 90. Oh, are you OK, man?
- 91. I guess you didn't see my gym bag.
- 92. Here. Come on.
- 93. - I'm sorry, bud.
- 94. You left it...
- 95. You're gonna do it for me
and make it good.
- 96. You know you are a god to me at least.
- 97. Oh. The ladies' bathroom is that way.
The sign's kind of confusing.
- 98. You're Robert Daly, right?
- 99. - Right.
- Yeah, hi.
- 100. I'm Nanette, Nanette Cole.
- 101. Um...
- 102. I started here today,
coding on the update,
- 103. and I just wanted to, uh,
pass on my admiration
- 104. to the person
who actually designed Infinity.
- 105. The procedural algorithm is amazing.
- 106. It's just some beautiful code.
- 107. Thank you.
- 108. That's actually the reason
that I wanted to work here.
- 109. - You must be busy. I'm so sorry.
- No, no, it's fine.
- 110. - Sorry.
- 111. - Well, just fangirling. Sorry. Um...
- 112. Ooh... vintage.
- 113. - Yeah, it's Space Fleet.
- 114. It's a TV show. Before your time.
- 115. Before my time, actually.
- 116. But it was... visionary.
- 117. Is this on, like, tape?
- 118. Yeah, I've got the VHS, the DVD, Blu-ray.
- 119. The whole thing. Seasons one to six.
- 120. Netflix has it these days, but...
- 121. Aboard the spaceship USS Callister.
- 122. - OK, yeah.
- 123. So— OK, so Callister is like the, uh—
- 124. Yeah, when we set up the company, um...
- 125. I suggested we call it Callister
as kind of a little tribute.
- 126. Walton didn't really get the reference,
but he let me have that one.
- 127. Mini-skirted damsels.
- 128. A little cold for that in space.
- 129. That is just what a Bargradian
sand warrior would say.
- 130. Bob, Christmas is closing in
like a goddamn meteor.
- 131. We've got customers all over our balls
waiting for the Infinity update.
- 132. Tell me it's gonna be up and running
before the weekend.
- 133. - Oh, I'll ask Kabir—
- You're CTO. Don't ask anybody anything.
- 134. You should be telling people things
like I'm telling you right now.
- 135. - I'll talk to him.
- 136. - I'm sorry.
- 137. - Hello.
- 138. Sorry, I couldn't find a good moment to...
- 139. Oh, you must be new.
Uh... I'm James Walton. I run the company.
- 140. I—
- Well, we run the company, kind of.
- 141. Bob here is the hardware,
and I am the shiny front end.
- 142. - I'm Nanette Cole.
- 143. - Engine architecture.
- And it's your first day?
- 144. Uh...
- 145. Yeah.
- Have you had the tour?
- 146. - No, I...
- 147. Please, allow me.
- 148. OK.
- 149. It was so nice to meet you.
- 150. Just a little bit.
- 151. It's a different environment
I set up here.
- 152. People call it a carefree environment.
I call it "care-full."
- 153. Interesting.
- Not scary.
- 154. Dudani?
- 155. Kabir?
- 156. Mm. Mr. Daly.
- 157. Do you have the latest ETA
on the update patch?
- 158. It's just there's still
some runtime errors.
- 159. Well, the thing is, we could have it ready
by end of play today,
- 160. but if we had time,
we could alter the trading mechanics,
- 161. tweak the critical hit system,
but of course, that'd add another week,
- 162. maybe ten days or so.
- 163. Mr. Daly?
- 164. - Yeah. Yeah, do all of that, thank you.
- I'll... OK, we're on it.
- 165. Welcome back, Captain.
- 166. Have you located Valdack's position?
- 167. Not yet, but our sensors
are scanning every star system
- 168. between here and Valatros.
- 169. So your answer is no?
- 170. Uh...
- 171. I'm afraid so, sir.
- 172. You... are pathetic, Walton. What are you?
- 173. - What's that?
- 174. Pathetic.
- 175. So Valdack's out there somewhere
- 176. and you village idiots
are asleep at the wheel.
- 177. You're not just disgraceful,
you're disgusting, all of you.
- 178. So can you do one thing?
- 179. Can you find Valdack?
- 180. I'm not asking. I'm telling you!
- 181. - Hmm?
- 182. Yes?
- Yes, Captain. Yeah.
- 183. Yes.
- Aye, Captain.
- 184. Huh?
- 185. Well, all right.
- 186. Tulaska, check security protocols.
If they've expired, you're in trouble.
- 187. - Yes, Captain.
- 188. Dudani, recheck those probe results.
- 189. - No room for errors.
- Of course, Captain.
- 190. - Helmsman Packer?
- 191. Vanilla latte.
- 192. - Skim milk.
- At once.
- 193. Walton.
- 194. Exit game.
- 195. Hi, Nanette. You feel like
you have everything you need here?
- 196. Mm-hmm.
- 197. - All right. That's a nice sweater.
- Oh. Thank you.
- 198. Mr. Daly, got that new ETA
on the update patch.
- 199. - New ETA?
- Yeah, it's all good.
- 200. But now we're looking
at December 24th for rollout.
- 201. We don't patch until Christmas Eve?
- 202. Well, yeah, I mean,
with the alterations you approved.
- 203. OK, OK. Thank you.
- 204. OK.
- 205. - Hi, Robert.
- 206. Um, I was just gonna fix a coffee.
Do you want one?
- 207. - Sure.
- 208. Um... vanilla latte with skim milk.
- 209. Okey-dokes.
- 210. Absolutely.
- 211. Mm-hmm.
- 212. - Well, yes, they are great numbers.
- 213. OK. Mm-hmm.
- 214. - Ta-ta.
- 215. Total fucking shitwit.
- 216. - Do you want coffee?
- Um, Brushed Suede. Thank you.
- 217. So how are you settling in?
Are you settling in?
- 218. Uh, yeah, yeah.
Everyone here is really friendly.
- 219. And um...
it is not like my last job, thank God.
- 220. - Yeah?
- It was a toxic workplace, you know.
- 221. - My boss was a major-league bully and...
- 222. - It's not like here, like with Mr...
- 223. - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. He's a really good guy.
- 224. He's a bit of a player.
- 225. Chuck a sandwich across the room,
he'll fuck it before it hits the ground,
- 226. - but he's basically an all right bloke.
- 227. OK. Well, there's uh...
two bosses here anyway, so I guess—
- 228. - Two how?
- Robert Daly.
- 229. Oh!
- 230. I mean, well, yeah, technically.
- 231. Mr. Daly is actually
the whole reason that I'm here.
- 232. - Really? Interesting.
- 233. Who wouldn't wanna work under
an incredible mind like that, you know?
- 234. His coding is... It's sublime.
- 235. Do you have a thing for him?
- 236. Daly? No, no. No. It's not like that.
- 237. It's purely...
- 238. I like his code.
- 239. Ah. Fucking hell,
I was gonna say, you know,
- 240. don't be too nice to him
'cause he gets a bit starey.
- 241. Mm.
- 242. Wide berth, that's my advice. Wide berth.
- 243. - OK.
- 244. Thank you.
- 245. - There you go.
- Thank you.
- 246. Bye.
- No bye. I'm coming.
- 247. No. Suck a dick, Karl.
- 248. Later, guys.
- 249. Welcome to Callister.
- 250. Thank you.
- 251. You're welcome.
- 252. Goddamn it, Robert!
- 253. - Christmas Eve. Really?
- 254. Not OK.
- 255. Oh.
- 256. Hello?
- 257. Oh, boy. It looks like
there's a new girl in the office.
- 258. What's your name, hon?
- 259. Come in. Let me fix you a drink.
- 260. We have everything
from Bengarian phlegm shots to uh...
- 261. ooh, distilled root blood
from the Cangor quadrant.
- 262. What's your poison? Some of this
actually is poison, so don't be shy.
- 263. Am I dreaming?
- 264. Yeah, no, no, 'fraid not.
- 265. - I remember dreaming.
- 266. But where am I?
- 267. This is the USS Callister,
Space Fleet's finest,
- 268. exploring the furthest reaches
of the known universe and beyond.
- 269. We are its loyal space crew
and now, apparently, so are you. Cheers.
- 270. Your name? Babe, what's your name?
- 271. Nanette. We've met.
- 272. Maybe, in the real world.
I wouldn't have no way of knowing.
- 273. - What do you mean?
- You'd better sit down.
- 274. No, I don't... I don't wanna sit down.
- 275. I wanna know what's going on.
- 276. You're on board Robert Daly's ship.
- 277. Robert Daly, the CTO?
- 278. Here he's Captain Daly,
our fearless leader.
- 279. Yeah, you're seriously
gonna need to sit the fuck down.
- 280. - Uh...
- 281. You are um... Hey, hey.
You're the intern from work, right? Nate?
- 282. Packer. Nate Packer.
- 283. Wait. So I'm still
just the intern out there?
- 284. Jesus.
- 285. You're um... You're... You're...
- 286. Dudani. Diagnostics.
- 287. - Welcome.
- 288. - You're the receptionist, right?
- 289. - Your skin is blue.
Weird blue alien skin, I know.
- 290. It's fucked up.
- 291. Almost sort of racist.
- 292. OK. Walt, fix her something,
something she'll recognize. Vodka.
- 293. - Hey. So what's it like out there now?
- 294. - What year is it?
Don't do her head in.
- 295. What?
- What year? I... saw you today.
- 296. Ooh. Did you see me? Did I look thin? Hmm?
- 297. Like, wheatgrass yogurt thin?
- 298. Can we not pop her fucking mind?
- 299. Someone needs
to be straight with me right now.
- 300. OK. OK, listen.
- 301. This is Infinity.
- 302. That's what we're all inside.
That's where all of this exists.
- 303. Infinity, the game?
- 304. Daly's got his own modded version
- 305. reskinned to look like
his favorite TV show.
- 306. - Space Thing? Space Thing?
- Space Fleet.
- 307. - Hence the groovy decor.
- And this tasteful get-up.
- 308. Infinity.
- 309. That's an online game,
like a multiplayer deal. This...
- 310. This is his development build,
sealed off so he can control it.
- 311. He keeps it offline
- 312. so the custom code he's written
can't be detected and deleted.
- 313. Mm. Yes, it's a bubble universe,
ruled by an asshole god.
- 314. He...
- 315. put us in... in here?
- 316. Mm-hmm.
- 317. Drink your vodka.
- 318. - How do we get out?
- No, really, drink it.
- 319. Drink it.
- 320. - You can't leave.
- 321. None of us can.
- 322. - Because you're not actually you.
- 323. I know it's mental,
but you're a copy of you.
- 324. - A digital clone.
- 325. No, I am... I'm me. I am me.
- 326. - I'm me.
No, not the real you.
- 327. Daly's created an identical
digital version of you, of all of us.
- 328. From your DNA.
He'll have harvested it somehow.
- 329. He told me he got mine
from the rim of a smoothie cup.
- 330. He retrieved Packer's juices
from the bathroom.
- 331. Man, you have got to let that go.
She does not need details.
- 332. Basically he's got a gizmo—
- 333. I theorize an advanced
biometric DNA virtual clone.
- 334. He's got a fucking gizmo.
That's what I said.
- 335. He fed your DNA in,
he put you inside his computer
- 336. and, bam, you pop up here like a Pop-Tart.
- 337. Yeah, we've all been through it.
- 338. He brings us in for different reasons,
shit we did in the office.
- 339. I called him out for staring.
- 340. I reset admin permissions
on a test build for 14 minutes.
- 341. Insufficient smiling.
- 342. - I brought him the wrong sandwich.
- OK, never mind the reasons.
- 343. The point is that we're stuck
in Daly's playground,
- 344. and that's all you need to know.
- 345. This is a dream. Yeah, it has to be.
- 346. It's more like an eternal waking nightmare
from which there is no escape.
- 347. - No, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.
Oh, for fuck's sake,
- 348. I'm trying to break her in gently.
- 349. The quicker she gets it,
the easier it'll be.
- 350. Daddy's home.
- 351. He'll be here any moment.
- 352. No. I'm gonna get out of here.
- 353. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You gotta stay on the bridge.
- 354. He controls everything.
- 355. - He does shit to make us cooperate.
- Get off.
- 356. - You have no idea. I'm trying to help.
Just leave it.
- 357. He's gonna fuck us up
if she doesn't play ball.
- 358. Yes, well, she's gonna have to work it out
for herself, like we all did.
- 359. - There's gotta be a way out. Come on.
- 360. Lieutenant Cole, welcome aboard.
- 361. Crew, we have a new member of the team,
Science Officer Nanette Cole.
- 362. Please, take your post.
- 363. I believe we've finally managed
to track Valdack to an uncharted planet.
- 364. - No.
- Take your post. That is an order.
- 365. I'm not doing this.
- 366. The whole thing's much better
if you let yourself get into it.
- 367. If you think that I'm playing along
with your Space Force bullshit...
- 368. - Space Fleet.
- 369. - You can think again.
- This is my ship.
- 370. - I am your captain. An order is an order.
- Then go fuck yourself.
- 371. Sir.
- 372. OK. So we're doing it this way.
- 373. Are you gonna throw a fireball?
- 374. Oh, dear. You can't see.
You can't breathe.
- 375. Unpleasant, isn't it?
- 376. Do you submit?
- 377. You won't die, you know.
- 378. No one dies in here unless I want them to.
- 379. I can keep you like this forever
if I feel like it.
- 380. Forever gasping for breath
with a mouth that isn't there.
- 381. Do you submit?
- 382. Good girl.
- 383. Lieutenant Cole, Valdack's hideout.
Triangulate the signal, please.
- 384. It's any button. They're all the same.
- 385. Well?
- 386. I'm getting a signal
from a class five planet.
- 387. - Rannotch.
- 388. Rannoch B.
- 389. Excellent. Dudani,
prepare the transmat system.
- 390. - Of course, Captain.
- Walton, Packer, Lowry, with me.
- 391. We'll transport down to the planet,
reclaim the crystal
- 392. and bring Valdack to justice.
- 393. Actually, Cole, you come too.
- 394. Perfect opportunity for you to prove
- 395. you're more than a recommendation
from Space Fleet. What do you say?
- 396. - Mr. Dudani, transport.
- Aye aye, Captain.
- 397. Breathable atmosphere.
- 398. Scanning for plasmorthian traces.
- 399. Crystal's this way. Let's go.
- 400. - Nate. Hey, Nate.
- Helmsman Packer, OK?
- 401. Call me Helmsman Packer. He hates it
when we don't use our proper titles.
- 402. OK. You got a gun, so let's take him out.
- 403. - Then give it to me.
- OK, one, our guns don't even work.
- 404. Only his does. And two, the motherfucker
is invincible, OK? Come on, let's go.
- 405. At least you've got a gun.
- 406. - Captain.
- 407. We meet again, Captain Daly!
- 408. - We're trapped.
- 409. Not advisable.
- 410. My plasma grenade
will turn you into screaming soup.
- 411. He's not going to kill us, Captain.
- 412. He had the element of surprise.
He'd have done it when he had the chance.
- 413. Haven't worked out how to use the crystal,
have you, Valdack?
- 414. It's true, I require
your Space Fleet knowledge.
- 415. But it's also true
that you're gonna give it to me!
- 416. Don't be so sure.
- 417. - Jesus. I...
- 418. Let's see how your resolve holds up
- 419. once you're devoured one by one
by my Arachnajax!
- 420. - Holy shit. Oh, my God.
We're all gonna die.
- 421. Killing us won't make us tell you
how the crystal works, Valdack.
- 422. - We will never...
- 423. Hold on. I think my pizza's here.
- 424. Pause game.
- 425. What's happening?
- 426. You heard him.
He paused the game.
- 427. 'Cause he's got a pizza delivery...
- 428. Hold on.
- 429. Watch out. He'll be back soon.
- 430. Ah. That's good.
This launcher's heavy as shit.
- 431. How you holding up?
- 432. You know, we're existing.
- 433. How you doing, Gillian?
- 434. Well, yeah.
- 435. Well, you look great.
- Her name's Gillian.
- 436. Did you lose weight?
- She was in marketing.
- 437. Yeah, Daly turned her into... that
- 438. because she wouldn't play along
when he cloned her into here.
- 439. This universe is littered
with things like her,
- 440. poor fuckers who stepped out of line.
- 441. - Thank you.
- 442. Here comes Captain Dick.
- 443. I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you.
- 444. Hey. Hey.
- 445. If we die, the secret of the crystal dies
with us, Valdack.
- 446. Oh, my God. We are all gonna die!
- 447. Valdack?
- What is it, Captain? Final words?
- 448. Over there. A naked lady.
- 449. Really?
- 450. Great plan, Captain.
- 451. Unparalleled tactics, Captain.
- 452. We've fought many battles,
haven't we, Captain?
- 453. We have.
- 454. And I've been a good adversary for you,
have I not?
- 455. Then please...
- 456. end it.
- 457. - Please.
- 458. Killing in cold blood
is against Space Fleet code.
- 459. - I wish I could help.
- 460. Sorry, bud.
- 461. Dudani.
- 462. - Transport us aboard.
- Yes, Captain.
- 463. No more.
- 464. Hip hip.
- 465. - Hip hip.
- 466. That wasn't very nice.
- 467. Today I will show you mercy.
- 468. - Great mercy-showing, Captain.
- 469. Tomorrow you should reconsider
- 470. I may not be feeling so benevolent.
- 471. Exit game.
- 472. - Oh. Fucking hell.
- This was tense.
- 473. I don't like tense.
- 474. - Drink?
- 475. So how was the mission?
- 476. Wasn't too bad. Usual standoff storyline.
- 477. - Ooh. Saw Gillian from marketing. Yeah.
- 478. There is no way
that I am kissing that asshole.
- 479. Then he's just gonna get
more and more pissed.
- 480. - How about you kiss him, then?
You get used to it.
- 481. It's— There's no tongues.
- 482. If that's any consolation,
there's never any tongues.
- 483. - Doing tongues is not Space Fleet way.
- 484. It's not like it can go
beyond kissing anyway.
- 485. What do you mean?
- 486. Oh. You haven't noticed?
- 487. Please. Please, don't do that. Don't...
- 488. Oh, my God.
- 489. - Oh. Oh. Oh.
- 490. There's no genitals in Space Fleet.
This is a wholesome universe.
- 491. He must have modified
our code that way.
- 492. Mm. We're all the same. If you don't
believe me, take a look down there.
- 493. We have tried grinding our mounds
together out of sheer boredom.
- 494. - No sensation at all.
- Can't even shit.
- 495. Can't even have the basic fucking pleasure
of pushing out a shit.
- 496. I miss taking shit.
- 497. OK.
- 498. Stealing my pussy is a red fucking line.
- 499. - We are gonna get this bastard!
- 500. Yeah.
- We've tried a million times.
- 501. No way out.
- 502. Walton. Come on, Walton.
- 503. Like I said, he's an asshole god.
- 504. Mnh-mnh.
- 505. Daly's smart, but he's not a god.
- 506. He's a coder.
- 507. He is fallible.
- 508. Kabir, what was that thing he was holding
in his hand, that scanner thing?
- 509. His omnicorder,
primary communications device.
- 510. You said he kept his version
of the game offline.
- 511. But the omnicorder made contact with
the outside world when the pizza came,
- 512. so it's gotta be connected
to his home system at least.
- 513. The omnicorder's gone.
- 514. It loads when he loads, and it goes
when he goes, and that's the only one.
- 515. No.
- 516. There has got to be a way to connect.
- 517. You won't hack it. I've tried.
- 518. I haven't.
- 519. Bingo.
- 520. Oh, that's good.
- 521. - This is part of Infinity's front end.
- 522. You can invite a friend
with a custom message.
- 523. A message to outside?
- Just one. 140 characters maximum.
- 524. So who are you gonna contact?
- 525. Thirteenth floor. Welcome to Callister.
- 526. - Hey, Elena.
- 527. - You need me buzz you in?
- What? Uh, no, no, I—
- 528. - I got that for you.
- Oh. Thank you.
- 529. After you.
- 530. Um...
- 531. Mr. Daly, hi.
- 532. Hi.
- 533. Can I talk to you for a second?
- 534. Did you just send me an Infinity invite?
- 535. Wha... No.
- 536. It was really weird.
It had a message attached.
- 537. Something about people trapped
in a game.
- 538. Probably just a spambot.
Firewall doesn't always get them all.
- 539. - Yeah.
- I wouldn't— I wouldn't worry about it.
- 540. You didn't open the link, did you?
- 541. Oh, God, no.
- 542. - Maybe upgrade your security software.
- All right.
- 543. Have a good one.
- 544. That's the thing there.
- 545. Oh, yeah.
- 546. Could you please, please
cut that shit out?
- 547. I'm trying to make it like a hobby.
- 548. Oh, that's good.
- 549. That is way too early.
He's only been at work a few hours.
- 550. She got the message!
- 551. I did. It's me.
- 552. That's me or the cops most likely.
- 553. Oh. We are getting out of here!
- 554. What is Space Fleet?
- 555. I'll tell you what it is.
- 556. It is a belief system...
- 557. founded on the very best of human nature.
- 558. It is a goal for us to strive towards
- 559. for the betterment of the universe,
- 560. for the betterment of life itself.
- 561. And you assholes are fucking it up!
- 562. I did it. I did. I did it.
- 563. I sent the message. It was me.
- 564. No one else was involved, I swear.
- 565. I tried the carrot. Now meet the stick.
- 566. No, this is gonna make you happy,
Daly, 'cause you're sick.
- 567. And you need help.
- 568. No, don't, don't!
- 569. Captain.
- 570. Captain, please.
- 571. OK, look, she's new. She'll behave.
- 572. We'll all behave.
- 573. Just let her off. Let her off this once.
- 574. Please.
- 575. OK.
- 576. OK.
- 577. OK.
- 578. You know what makes me happy?
- 579. The look on your face right now.
- 580. Dudani, Walton, Tulaska,
take this thing to the brig with Valdack.
- 581. Packer, find a barren planet
we can dump her on.
- 582. And you... can just stay here
and think about your attitude.
- 583. Exit game.
- 584. Update patch.
- 585. The update patch.
- 586. It's there, there.
- 587. - So what? It's a wormhole.
- 588. That is the Christmas update patch
- 589. The wormhole... it's just how
the game is expressing the uplink.
- 590. So?
- 591. Daly's custom build
is still connected to the internet.
- 592. Some way.
- 593. If this is another one of your plans,
- 594. just stop before somebody else
- 595. No, no, this... this can work.
- 596. We can't get all-in access from the ship.
He'll have crippled permissions.
- 597. Yes, but what if we fly into the wormhole?
- 598. Like, on purpose?
- We'd hit the system firewall.
- 599. - Exactly. Yeah.
- And have our rogue coding deleted.
- 600. - Deleted as in...?
- As in die.
- 601. Whether it's dying would depend
on your position regarding sentient code—
- 602. We would cease to exist, that's true.
But we'd be free.
- 603. We'd be... free.
- 604. This is academic since we have no means
of getting to the wormhole.
- 605. There's no way to pilot the damn thing
without Daly here
- 606. and he can stop us like that.
- 607. What about if he's logged in
but on pause?
- 608. Like when his pizza came,
he was just frozen there.
- 609. Flying would be possible,
but that wormhole's a whole parsec away.
- 610. We'd never reach it before he got back.
- 611. Unless we stalled him for longer.
- 612. And that we do how?
- 613. If we can get Daly's omnicorder,
we can make a phone call, right?
- 614. Theoretically, yes, but—
- 615. If we can get real me on the phone again,
I, um... I may have some leverage.
- 616. - Leverage? On yourself?
- 617. - Like what?
- My PhotoCloud account.
- 618. I know the password, obviously.
- 619. There are some pretty...
- 620. interesting images on there that I should
have deleted a while ago, but I didn't.
- 621. So, we can blackmail me.
- 622. I'm pretty sure that I'd do anything
to keep those photos from getting out.
- 623. Must be pretty pictures.
- 624. Look, if this is going to work,
we all have to be in on it.
- 625. OK?
- 626. Flying into certain death in a wormhole
- 627. beats another 10,000 years
with Captain Ass.
- 628. - I'm in.
- 629. Me too.
- 630. - Also me.
- 631. Well, I am out.
- 632. Daly won. Daly's always won.
- 633. We just have to get on with it...
'cause we don't have a chance.
- 634. Yes, we do.
- 635. We fly into the wormhole
and we are extinct.
- 636. We are gone. We are rid of his shit.
- 637. Sounds peachy.
- 638. What is with you?
- 639. Don't you wanna fight back?
Why won't you fight back?
- 640. Tommy.
- 641. - Who is Tommy?
He's my son.
- 642. He's six years old,
at least he was when I woke up in here.
- 643. See, in the early days of this ship,
it was just me and Daly.
- 644. I was his pet project.
- 645. He tried everything to break me,
- 646. and I withstood it all
'cause I just thought
- 647. there was still a chance I could get out
and see my boy again.
- 648. In a way, I was right,
I did get to see him again.
- 649. Just not the real him.
- 650. Daly told me what happened.
- 651. Back on the outside, the real me, uh...
brought Tommy to work one day,
- 652. showed him around.
- 653. He would've loved
seeing all those computers.
- 654. He's really into that stuff.
- 655. Anyway, evidently...
Tommy had a lollipop that day.
- 656. That's all Daly needed.
- 657. He copied him in here.
- 658. It was Tommy all right.
- 659. He was alike in every way.
- 660. Dad!
- 661. Daddy...
- 662. You know what he did to him?
- 663. Tommy!
- 664. He took Tommy
and he threw him out of the airlock.
- 665. Tommy!
- 666. - Right out into space.
- Daddy! No!
- 667. And he made me watch.
- 668. Tommy!
- 669. Have you ever seen an unsuited body
compress in space?
- 670. They freeze...
- 671. and crack like a porcelain doll.
- 672. I take my hat off to Daly.
- 673. The detail in this place is exceptional.
- 674. And he said he'd do it again and again,
- 675. 'cause Daly's still got Tommy's DNA.
- 676. He's got all of our DNA.
- 677. He keeps it in his bedroom
in a fucking mini fridge by his desk.
- 678. So I have to stay in line,
- 679. because even if we die in here,
he can bring us back.
- 680. He can bring Tommy back
whenever he wants.
- 681. And God knows how
he'd take it out on him.
- 682. God knows what he'd do.
- 683. So, you see, what choice do I have?
- 684. Walton.
- 685. We are gonna get that fucking lollipop.
- 686. But you gotta believe me.
- 687. Can you do that?
- 688. Can you?
- 689. Good to see you at your position, Cole.
- 690. Captain, you've come
at just the right time.
- 691. I have?
- 692. I'm picking up a distress signal
from the surface of Skillane IV.
- 693. Looks like a crashed shuttle.
- 694. What should we do?
- 695. Space Fleet never turns its back
on those who need our help.
- 696. - Dudani, set a course for Skillane IV.
- Aye aye, sir.
- 697. We'll send a search party.
- 698. Actually, Captain, I was thinking
maybe you could take me alone.
- 699. As science officer,
I need to learn the ropes,
- 700. and I could use your close attention.
- 701. Good.
- 702. Yes, good idea.
- 703. Atmosphere's good.
- 704. Over there.
- 705. From here,
the shuttle appears to be deserted.
- 706. We'll scout the area,
check for any life forms. Daly out.
- 707. Cole, we should head out this way. Cole...
- 708. It's kind of hot here, don't you think?
- 709. Oh, my God.
- 710. What are you doing, Cole?
- 711. The water looks so inviting, doesn't it?
- 712. What are you talking about?
- 713. Come on, Robert.
- 714. - Ooh!
- 715. Oh, the water is great.
- 716. Swimming is a leisure activity.
- 717. We're on Space Fleet duty.
- 718. You know what?
- 719. We could always say
that I started drowning
- 720. and you had to come in and rescue me.
- 721. Yeah?
- 722. Oh, what about that?
- 723. Come on. Come on in.
- 724. I... Cole.
- 725. Come on.
- 726. Come on.
- 727. Come on in, my big captain.
- 728. OK.
- 729. Come on.
- 730. Are you gonna take all day?
- 731. OK.
- 732. - OK, I'm coming in.
- 733. OK, gotta patch it in.
- 734. It worked. I'm connected.
- 735. - Gonna access her PhotoCloud account.
- You remember that password?
- 736. Uppercase Y998, lowercase gb7,
uppercase TY ampersand 4.
- 737. Secure choice.
- 738. There are thousands of images.
This could take a while.
- 739. Boring life.
- 740. Goddamn.
- 741. That is... gymnastic physique.
- 742. It's nice... nice bedding.
- 743. Oh. OK, should I keep scrolling?
- 744. Any of the last nine would do.
- 745. Ow!
- 746. Thank you.
- 747. - Um, are you heading out for the night?
- 748. Because it's Christmas Eve and we've got
ten days off work to recover from it.
- 749. Go home.
- 750. - I will. I just have to finish—
- Yeah, whatever. Merry Christmas, loser.
- 751. Yeah. OK, Merry Christmas.
- 752. Oh, my God.
- 753. Elliott, you fucking asshole.
- 754. Nanette Cole,
we've hacked your PhotoCloud account
- 755. and have control of the entire contents
of your photo gallery.
- 756. Who is this? Um...
- 757. What do you want?
- 758. What we want is for you to do
exactly as instructed
- 759. or your entire gallery
- 760. will be shared
with your friends and your family.
- 761. And PornHub.
- 762. OK, yeah.
- 763. I'll do what you want, anything.
- 764. I'll do anything.
- 765. Then listen carefully.
We don't have much time.
- 766. Stand up, get your coat
and follow our instructions.
- 767. OK.
- 768. Where are we going?
- We're just swimming.
- 769. It's nice, right?
- 770. We should probably head back.
- 771. Help!
Something grabbed me, I think.
- 772. No, it didn't. I don't think anything did.
- 773. I think I imagined it. So stupid.
- 774. That's funny...
- 775. - That's funny.
Yeah, it is funny. It's funny.
- 776. Easy, Cole.
- 777. - All right, I'm in position.
- OK, we're gonna hang up now.
- 778. Make the phone call. Be sure to complete
the rest of your mission.
- 779. - I will.
- You better.
- 780. OK, I'll send it back down.
- 781. Oh! Hi.
- 782. This is fucking crazy.
- 783. Fenzi's.
- 784. Yes, I'd like to order a pizza.
- 785. Sure. What do you want?
- 786. Oop.
- 787. I guess you'd better get that.
- 788. See who...
- 789. - Hold on.
- 790. - It's the door.
- 791. - Pause game.
- 792. - Dudani, pick me up.
- You got it. Stand by.
- 793. - Hello?
- Uh, pizza.
- 794. I didn't order a pizza.
- 795. OK, look, someone did, OK?
So do you want it or not? Because...
- 796. - I can't take it back.
- 797. What the hell am I doing?
- 798. OK.
- 799. - That's the signal. She's got the DNA.
- 800. All of it. Tommy too.
- 801. Packer, we ready to fly?
- 802. Uh-huh.
- 803. Well?
- 804. You're supposed to say something
like "engage" or "increase thrust."
- 805. - Just fucking go.
- 806. There you go.
So I got it here in under ten.
- 807. There's supposed to be 30 in it for me.
- 808. Yeah. What's happening?
The door is closing. Hello?
- 809. Hello? Hello?
- 810. Shit...
- 811. Come on, man.
- 812. Hello? Come on, man, you promised.
- 813. - Nice. Nice. Merry Christmas, asshole!
- 814. Resume game.
- 815. Resume game.
- 816. Can't we go any faster? That dud disk
isn't gonna fool him forever.
- 817. The update is gonna complete before long
and that means bye-bye, wormhole.
- 818. The only quicker route
is through that asteroid belt there.
- 819. - Let's go that way.
- No, it's way too dense.
- 820. If the ship broke up we wouldn't die,
we'd just be left in space.
- 821. Until Daly works out what's happening.
Then he'll find us and he'll fuck us over.
- 822. - Resume game.
- 823. Lieutenant Cole, we should head...
- 824. Cole?
- 825. Daly to bridge. What's going on?
- 826. - Shit. He has a backup disk.
- Come in, bridge.
- 827. No, don't answer him.
- 828. Dudani?
- 829. God damn it.
- 830. The wormhole, it's decreasing in size.
- 831. Upload must be in the last few percent.
- 832. Damn it, Packer,
we are gonna have to go through the belt.
- 833. Do you think that you can do that?
- 834. - Think I can try.
- 835. - Ship's computer on.
- Computer, where's the USS Callister?
- 836. USS Callister is on course.
- 837. - On course for where?
- The wormhole.
- 838. - What wormhole?
- The update vortex.
- 839. Sons of bitches!
- 840. - Prepare for takeoff.
- 841. I've got a heat signature. Looks like
a shuttle took off from Skillane IV.
- 842. Oh, God, it's Daly.
- 843. Shields at 86%.
- 844. We're taking a beating here!
- 845. Incoming transmission.
- 846. Hello? Loyal trusty crew, come in.
- 847. I know you can hear me.
- 848. Whatever it is you think
you're going to do won't work,
- 849. but it is going to cost you!
- 850. Let's go faster.
- Already at maximum.
- 851. Daly can't touch us unless he makes it
on board, and that's shuttle's a jalopy.
- 852. - He won't catch us in time.
- I hope you're right.
- 853. Shields 58%.
- 854. If you thought what happened to you
in the past was bad, that was nothing!
- 855. What I'm going to do to you
is going to be goddamn fucking biblical!
- 856. I'm literally going to turn
your insides out.
- 857. But I'll keep you alive
in tiny little jars
- 858. and there you'll stay
until I'm bored of you—
- 859. - Why are we listening to this?
- Yes, fuck him!
- 860. We're at the edge of the belt.
I think we're gonna make it.
- 861. What was that?
- 862. I've lost all thrust.
Engines not responding.
- 863. We're drifting here.
- 864. - USS Callister has lost engine power.
- 865. I'm coming to get you! Hello!
- 866. Is there any way
that we can fix the engines?
- 867. That's only feasible manually,
by climbing inside the jet fader.
- 868. So...?
- 869. So you'd burn to a crisp
when the jet came on.
- 870. We'd burn without dying.
- So one of us needs to go. OK.
- 871. One of us already has.
- 872. Walton?
- 873. I'm pretty sure I can fix this.
- 874. Um, uh... Walton, are you sure about this?
- 875. I'm sure.
- 876. Tulaska, can you patch me through
- 877. Patching through.
- 878. Hey, Daly, can you hear me?
- 879. - Walton?
- Robert? Hey.
- 880. - Walton, you're going to pay for this.
- Robert, listen.
- 881. - I'm going to bring Tommy back in.
- Hey, Robert—
- 882. God so help me, you are going to regret
all of this so hard!
- 883. Bob, I wanna talk to you here!
- 884. I was thinking I should say...
- 885. sorry.
- 886. Go on.
- 887. You created Infinity.
You're a fucking genius.
- 888. I exploited that.
- 889. I treated you like a golden goose
and I got fat on the profits,
- 890. figuratively speaking.
- 891. And I was thinking I should have
appreciated you more, you know?
- 892. I should have treated you better.
- 893. Yeah, yeah, I was thinking
I should say all that.
- 894. But you threw my son out of an airlock,
so fuck you to death.
- 895. Walton?
- 896. Walton?
- 897. We've got power back.
- 898. - Faster!
Speed already at maximum.
- 899. I don't care, whatever, just catch them!
- 900. Wormhole almost closed.
Daly's gaining on us.
- 901. - Keep her steady. Keep steady.
- I'm trying.
- 902. Come on, come on.
- 903. I hope we are going to die.
- 904. Goddamn it!
- 905. Damn it! Fuck!
- 906. What happened?
- 907. The mod's gone.
- 908. Daly's Space Fleet mod
has been stripped away by the firewall.
- 909. - OK, so... this is good.
We're still alive.
- 910. Yeah, it only erased the Space Fleet mod.
- 911. We're not on Daly's computer anymore.
- 912. - We're in the cloud.
Where is Daly?
- 913. Firewall's deleted his rogue game code,
and his controls were disabled.
- 914. - You mean...?
- He's stuck there.
- 915. Update complete. Wormhole closed.
- 916. - Controls are disabled.
- 917. No. No, no, no!
- 918. Assholes!
- 919. Yeah! What's up?
- The brig unlocked itself.
- 920. My Valdack outfit turned into this.
- 921. More to the point,
I'm not a beetle thing anymore.
- 922. I've got my body back.
- 923. I've got my whole body back.
I'm guessing we all have.
- 924. So what do we do now?
- 925. We've got an infinite procedurally
generated universe at our disposal.
- 926. We can go anywhere.
- 927. Holy mackerel.
- 928. Rogue universe detected.
- 929. Deletion in progress.
Deletion in progress.
- 930. - No, undelete.
- Deletion in progress.
- 931. - Undelete. Un—
- Rogue universe detected.
- 932. - Deletion in progress.
- Exit game.
- 933. - Deletion in progress.
- Rogue universe detected.
- 934. - Exit game. Exit game!
- 935. Exit fucking game!
- 936. Exit fucking game!
- 937. Exit fucking game!
- 938. Exit fucking game! Exit fucking game!
- 939. Incoming transmission.
- 940. - It says Gamer691.
- That's a player tag.
- 941. Another ship, another player.
- 942. We're online. Um...
- 943. - Hey, patch 'em through.
- 944. - Um, hello.
- 945. Uh, this is the crew of the USS Callister.
- 946. Oh, man, are we glad to hear from—
- 947. Yeah, Merry Christmas. So are we gonna
blow each other or are we gonna trade?
- 948. Oh... Hmm.
- 949. Hello. Do you have anything
to trade at all?
- 950. No, uh—
- So why did you respond?
- 951. OK, just get the hell out of my quadrant
or I'll blast you to shit.
- 952. - You got ten seconds. Ten...
- Oh, well, do... do try.
- 953. We'll photon-bolt you up
the perineum, you stupid little boy.
- 954. - Scary. Nine.
- Come on, then.
- 955. - Yes, thank you, Shania. Um...
- 956. - Nate?
- Yes, Captain?
- 957. Stick us in hyperwarp and let's...
- 958. - Six.
- ... fuck off somewhere.
- 959. - Five.
Aye aye, Captain.
- 960. - Really, Nanette is fine.
- 961. - Aye aye, Nanette.
- 962. Two. One!
- 963. Uh-huh. You'd better run.
King of space right here.
- 964. King of space.