1. - Hey, Lacie!
- Hey!Copy !req
2. Ryan?Copy !req
3. Ryan!Copy !req
4. - I was holding a bomb!
- Come on!Copy !req
5. Sorry, guys.Copy !req
6. Landlord is sending buyers over today
so... put your pants on.Copy !req
7. Maybe if I don't,
it'll scare 'em off and we can stay here.Copy !req
8. Not an option, Ryan.
Lease is up in four weeks.Copy !req
9. Hey, I'm thinking of you.
I've got somewhere to go.Copy !req
10. Nate's roommate took a job in Phoenix
so I get his place.Copy !req
11. - Okay.
- Now who's the slow poke?Copy !req
12. I'm... seeing some places over lunch.
Catch you later.Copy !req
13. Sorry, that was my sister.Copy !req
14. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you'd love to.Copy !req
15. Jasmine tea?Copy !req
16. And that's one Brushed Suede.Copy !req
17. You want a cookie with that?Copy !req
18. - It's on the house.
- Sounds awesome.Copy !req
19. - See you tomorrow, JJ.
- See you, Lacie.Copy !req
20. Oh, I saw your boy
in the fire hat just now! So cute!Copy !req
21. Yeah, he's really something.Copy !req
22. Hmm.Copy !req
23. Hey, Lacie!Copy !req
24. - Bets, it's great to see you!
- You too.Copy !req
25. How's Pancakes?Copy !req
26. He's hilarious.
Such a funny cat. Just the best.Copy !req
27. - Are you still at Hoddicker?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
28. - Yeah. It's going pretty great.
- Good to hear.Copy !req
29. - So what brings you back here?
- New job, first day.Copy !req
30. - First day?
- At Blankman-Harper.Copy !req
31. Whoa! Top floor! That's...Copy !req
32. - Well, good luck.
- I know, right?Copy !req
33. It's great you're still happy
at Hoddicker.Copy !req
34. - Well, maybe not forever.
- No, not forever.Copy !req
35. - But for now...
- It's OK for now.Copy !req
36. It's great for now, yes. Yes, it is.Copy !req
37. Lacie, I got you a smoothie.Copy !req
38. Got one for everyone, actually.
Still a bunch of them for grabs.Copy !req
39. They're from the organic stall
at the farmers' market.Copy !req
40. Sure. Okay.Copy !req
41. Mmm!Copy !req
42. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
43. We're kind of not talking to Ches.Copy !req
44. - 3.1? What happened?
- Him and Gordon split up.Copy !req
45. Oh...Copy !req
46. - Poor Ches.
- No, no, no, we're all on Gordon's side.Copy !req
47. Sure! Obviously.Copy !req
48. Ches is kissing ass.
Trying to scrape himself back.Copy !req
49. Of course, if it drops below two-five,
then it's... bye-bye.Copy !req
50. Hello?Copy !req
51. - Yo, they're taking it.
- Who?Copy !req
52. The couple the landlord sent over.
I heard them talking.Copy !req
53. Okay.Copy !req
54. So,
now we move into the light space area.Copy !req
55. Ideal for special times with loved ones.Copy !req
56. - Great food, great company.
- Mm-hmm!Copy !req
57. Whoa!Copy !req
58. Sampled your photo stream to make her.Copy !req
59. Great hair!Copy !req
60. Styled free of charge
at the members' salon.Copy !req
61. Oh, my God.Copy !req
62. It's hilarious!Copy !req
63. You like him?Copy !req
64. - He's okay.
- He doesn't come with the apartment.Copy !req
65. But there is a bar and restaurant
on site, tenants only.Copy !req
66. We have unparalleled metrics
on romantic geneses.Copy !req
67. Uh-huh.Copy !req
68. I gotta say,
these places are going like "that."Copy !req
69. - So don't delay if you're interested.
- Oh, I'm more than interested.Copy !req
70. Standard occupancy
on a minimum six-month contract,Copy !req
71. we're talking... this much.Copy !req
72. - How often are the payments?
- That's weekly.Copy !req
73. Okay.Copy !req
74. - A little more than expected?
- Yeah.Copy !req
75. There's options.Copy !req
76. You know our Prime Influencers Programme?Copy !req
77. - Do I qualify for that?
- No. No, you don't.Copy !req
78. We'd need you around a 4.5.Copy !req
79. 4.5?Copy !req
80. Hit 4.5 and there's a 20% discount.Copy !req
81. - 4.5.
- That's right.Copy !req
82. Pelican Cove? What is this?
A eugenics programme?Copy !req
83. - A lifestyle community.
- No one is this happy.Copy !req
84. A two-year-old with a fucking balloon
isn't this happy.Copy !req
85. It's actually a pretty cool place.Copy !req
86. Like you'd even qualify.Copy !req
87. There's nothing I can do, sir.Copy !req
88. Well, it's not hopeless,
you're clearly a tryer.Copy !req
89. That's the sense you get just from... me?Copy !req
90. From your rep report analytics.Copy !req
91. If we drill down into the numbers,
you've got a solid popularity arc here.Copy !req
92. Strong overall trajectory.
Let's just look at the last 24 hours.Copy !req
93. You see, even—Copy !req
94. What's that? 8:40 a.m.
You're working hard on your socials.Copy !req
95. - Great little uptake there.
- Okay.Copy !req
96. Couple of minor dings there.
You cut someone off in traffic?Copy !req
97. Oh, just a workplace thing.Copy !req
98. Okay.
Let's check on your sphere of influence.Copy !req
99. Let me zoom out here.Copy !req
100. Great peripherals.
Strangers like you, that's a plus.Copy !req
101. - Healthy inner circle. It's good.
- Thank you.Copy !req
102. There's a ways to go,
but 4.5 is certainly achievable.Copy !req
103. How long do you think?Copy !req
104. - To hit 4.5?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
105. Well, barring a major setback,Copy !req
106. a public disgrace kind of deal,
I'd say 18 months or so.Copy !req
107. Oh, I need more short term.
Like... much more.Copy !req
108. Then you'll need a boost.Copy !req
109. - What kind of a boost?
- Well...Copy !req
110. Most of your interactions are confined
to your inner circleCopy !req
111. and they're largely, pardon the term,
mid- to low-range folks.Copy !req
112. Same with your outer circle.Copy !req
113. You've got a ton of reciprocal five stars
from service industry workers,Copy !req
114. but there's not much else.Copy !req
115. At least as far as I can see.Copy !req
116. So in terms of quality,
you could use a punch up right there.Copy !req
117. Ideally,
that's up votes from quality people.Copy !req
118. - Quality people?
- High fours.Copy !req
119. Impress those up-scale folks,
you'll gain velocity on your arcCopy !req
120. and there's your boost.Copy !req
121. - Oh, hi, JJ!
- Hey, Lacie!Copy !req
122. - Keith! Hello.
- Lacie!Copy !req
123. - You look great today.
- Thank you!Copy !req
124. - Door won't open. I'm on 2.4.
- Sorry, Ches. I'm late.Copy !req
125. I just need some stars, please!Copy !req
126. Fuck!Copy !req
127. - Oh, hi!
- Hi!Copy !req
128. - How's it going at Blankman?
- Just great.Copy !req
129. - Well, I bet you work... good there.
- Thank you.Copy !req
130. Would you like a croissant?Copy !req
131. They gave me an extra at the coffee place.Copy !req
132. - Oh, no, I already ate.
- Okay, sure. All good. Yes.Copy !req
133. Yeah.Copy !req
134. Well, here's me, so...Copy !req
135. Don't try too hard.
It's impossible to respect.Copy !req
136. High fours can smell it a mile off.
Just be you.Copy !req
137. Authentic gestures, that's the key.Copy !req
138. - That's time up, I'll catch you later.
- Oh, could I just ask—Copy !req
139. "Mr. Rags."Copy !req
140. Shit!Copy !req
141. - What the fuck is that?
- Tapenade. Want some?Copy !req
142. Who even are you?Copy !req
143. It's just something I wanna eat, Ryan.Copy !req
144. Oh, my God.Copy !req
145. - What is it?
- Naomi!Copy !req
146. Shit!Copy !req
147. Old school, el perfecto Naomi?
You guys keep in contact?Copy !req
148. Ryan, just go! Go!Copy !req
149. - Oh, my God!
- Nay-Nay, how are you?Copy !req
150. I was just fixing myself a snack.Copy !req
151. Oh, Lace, could I just say
I am so happy to see your face?Copy !req
152. - Me too. It's been...
- Too long.Copy !req
153. - Way too long.
- And that's my fault.Copy !req
154. - No, it's mine. Everything is just so...
- Everything's just so...Copy !req
155. Crazy! Oh, it's so good to see you.Copy !req
156. When you posted that Mr. Rags photo...Copy !req
157. I know, Mr. Rags!Copy !req
158. I just had to callCopy !req
159. and talk to you because...Copy !req
160. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
161. Wow! That's a... big ring!Copy !req
162. Congratulations! Who's the, um... Paul?Copy !req
163. He is great. So smart. Just sweet.Copy !req
164. I know you're gonna love him.Copy !req
165. Uh-huh.Copy !req
166. So, anyways, the big day...Copy !req
167. Yes, when is it?Copy !req
168. So, we're getting married in a monthCopy !req
169. on his family's estateCopy !req
170. up here on the island.Copy !req
171. This place outside Port Mary, Honeysuckle.
You heard of it?Copy !req
172. No, but...Copy !req
173. Well, it's a private island.Copy !req
174. Take a looooook!Copy !req
175. Oh, wow! That is...Copy !req
176. I know, right? So... can you make it?Copy !req
177. Are you kidding? Of course.Copy !req
178. Great, cool, cos I was wondering if...Copy !req
179. Lace, do you think...Copy !req
180. Would you be my maid of honour?Copy !req
181. Seriously?Copy !req
182. Oh, my God.Copy !req
183. I mean, you've got such cool friends now.
Are you sure?Copy !req
184. Remember when we used to plan our
dream weddings when we were, like, 11?Copy !req
185. - I know but we haven't s—
- I don't know, just seeing Mr. Rags...Copy !req
186. All the memories.
It just brought things home.Copy !req
187. Oh, Nay-Nay.Copy !req
188. I know we haven't kept in touch
as much as I'd have likedCopy !req
189. and that is totally my fault,
but this is a big day.Copy !req
190. A big life day and I want my oldest
friend with me, my oldest friend.Copy !req
191. I want you by my side.Copy !req
192. Oh, my God. Thank you.Copy !req
193. What do I have to...Copy !req
194. Not much to it. A speech, mainly.Copy !req
195. Speech? Of course!Copy !req
196. Mm-hmm. How big's the crowd?Copy !req
197. Oh, my gosh, like... hundreds!Copy !req
198. It's a crazy guest list. I'll send it now.Copy !req
199. Paul's invited so many,
I don't want to call them big deals,Copy !req
200. but they're all, like,
4.7 or above.Copy !req
201. Uh-huh.Copy !req
202. Nay-Nay, I will not let you down.Copy !req
203. Don't sweat too much!
Just talk about old memories.Copy !req
204. - Sure.
- How we were, any old things.Copy !req
205. - Gotcha.
- I'll ping you some anecdotes.Copy !req
206. - That would be great.
- And what's your dress size?Copy !req
207. Oh, um...Copy !req
208. I'll tell you what,
I'll just send you a four.Copy !req
209. - Perfect.
- We got matching bridesmaids dresses.Copy !req
210. Well, anyway...Copy !req
211. Love you, Lay.Copy !req
212. You too, Nay-Nay!Copy !req
213. Oh!Copy !req
214. Bye.Copy !req
215. What was that? The F-word?Copy !req
216. You two pussy pals now?Copy !req
217. Shut up.Copy !req
218. - She was always mean to you.
- No, she wasn't.Copy !req
219. - She had that rhyme about you.
- That was a game.Copy !req
220. - What about when she cut your hair?
- I asked her to.Copy !req
221. She fucked Greg.Copy !req
222. She... did not fuck Greg.Copy !req
223. She looked hot. I'll give her that.Copy !req
224. Okay.Copy !req
225. Impressive.Copy !req
226. - Uh-huh. Jesus. Yeah, that'd do it.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
227. Pelican Cove.Copy !req
228. Carole, it's Lacie. Saw the place yesterday.
I wanna take it.Copy !req
229. That's fantastic!Copy !req
230. Uh... Oh, I see you're still on a 4.2.
Is that, um...Copy !req
231. Yep, I'm on it,
just gonna transfer the deposit now.Copy !req
232. - Well, okay.
- Yes!Copy !req
233. In this world,
we're all so caught up in our own heads.Copy !req
234. It's easy to lose sight of what's real.
What matters.Copy !req
235. But as I stand here today...Copy !req
236. seeing the joy Paul has brought
to Naomi's life,Copy !req
237. I know she's someone
who truly matters to me.Copy !req
238. Nay-Nay,Copy !req
239. the little girl who, when we were just
five-years-old in art camp,Copy !req
240. started talking to me
because she saw I was scared.Copy !req
241. - The girl who helped me make Mr. Rags.
- I still have him.Copy !req
242. He sits on my desk and...Copy !req
243. every day, he reminds me of Nay-Nay.Copy !req
244. What she meant to me then and now.Copy !req
245. I am so honored to be hereCopy !req
246. and I wish you all the happiness
this stupid world can muster.Copy !req
247. I love you, Nay-Nay.Copy !req
248. Is the tear too much?Copy !req
249. You fucking sociopath.Copy !req
250. - Ryan, my car's here. Was it too much?
- What, the tear, the photo, Mr. Rags?Copy !req
251. I do keep him on my desk.Copy !req
252. There's sugary
and then there's fucking diabetes.Copy !req
253. I just wanna make her happy
on her wedding day.Copy !req
254. The captive audience of 4-point holies
five-starring your ass off,Copy !req
255. that's just a bonus.Copy !req
256. - Naomi and I were best friends.
- Come on...Copy !req
257. I wish her well
and wanna express it the best I can.Copy !req
258. And, yeah, if I nail a speech
and get five-starredCopy !req
259. by hundreds of primes, so what?
It's a win-win.Copy !req
260. What are you hoping for? Like, 4.3, 4.4?Copy !req
261. Unh-unh.
You get points from your gaming buddies.Copy !req
262. It's the same thing.
Don't shit on me for aiming higher.Copy !req
263. Pelican Cove higher?Copy !req
264. What's wrong with Pelican Cove?
They're great apartments!Copy !req
265. They are fake-smile jail cells.Copy !req
266. Great. Car cancelled.Copy !req
267. And he marked me down so now I have
to book another, and I took a ding.Copy !req
268. - Great job.
- I am sorry, but I miss the normal you.Copy !req
269. Before this obsession,
when we had conversations, remember?Copy !req
270. I need my charger.Copy !req
271. This whole ranking thing,
just comparing yourself to people who—Copy !req
272. - Have you seen my charger?
- ... only pretend to be happy.Copy !req
273. I said don't borrow this!Copy !req
274. High fours like Naomi,
I bet they're suicidal on the inside.Copy !req
275. My car is here. Again.Copy !req
276. Your Pelican Cove deposit,
is it refundable?Copy !req
277. Like, what if this doesn't work?Copy !req
278. - Can't you just stay out of my shit?
- You're my sister!Copy !req
279. Yes! And if you cared about that,
maybe you would've noticedCopy !req
280. living with you hasn't been
one big rainbow sandwich for me.Copy !req
281. Do you know why
I never brought any guys back here?Copy !req
282. Because I didn't want them
to know I was sharing a skanky-ass caveCopy !req
283. with Mr. Three Point Fuck.Copy !req
284. Good luck with your performance!Copy !req
285. Oh, hi, hi! I'm coming. I'm coming.Copy !req
286. - Jesus Christ!
- Oh, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
287. That's great. Just great.Copy !req
288. Oh... Hi.Copy !req
289. Nay-Nay!Copy !req
290. Hey, Lace! Just checking in.Copy !req
291. I'm on my way to the airport right now.Copy !req
292. Okay, cool, and you're all good
for the rehearsal dinner?Copy !req
293. Oh, yeah. The flight's, what, an hour?
That restaurant looks so cool.Copy !req
294. - Uh-huh. And you got the dress okay?
- Mm-hmm. In my case.Copy !req
295. - I love the pink.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
296. So the latest draft
of the speech is great.Copy !req
297. Going handwritten's so cool.Copy !req
298. Those scans of the page,
my God, I welled up just at that.Copy !req
299. - Oh, thank you!
- Um... just one thought.Copy !req
300. That whole bit where I help you
with the eating disorder thing...Copy !req
301. - You think that's a little...
- A little over-sharing, yeah.Copy !req
302. You're so right. It's gone.Copy !req
303. Okay. Cool.
Well, I'll see you in a few hours!Copy !req
304. And here's your tip. Thank you.Copy !req
305. Oh, come on.Copy !req
306. May I have your attention, please...Copy !req
307. - Hi there, how are you doing?
- I am wonderful.Copy !req
308. I am so sorry, that flight is cancelled.Copy !req
309. - No. No, no, no.
- Customer incident at the other end.Copy !req
310. But... So when is the next flight?Copy !req
311. Yeah, they're all kind of full.Copy !req
312. Uh... I booked this weeks ago.
It's my best friend's wedding.Copy !req
313. - I'm sorry.
- I have to get there. I have to.Copy !req
314. Okay— let's see what we can do.Copy !req
315. Thank you. Thank you so much.Copy !req
316. I see there's one standby seat
on another plane leaving tonight.Copy !req
317. Uh...Copy !req
318. That's reserved for members
of our Prime Flight Programme.Copy !req
319. You gotta be a 4.2 or over to qualify.Copy !req
320. - Oh, I'm... I'm a 4.2.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
321. I'm afraid you're actually a 4.183.Copy !req
322. Oh. Well, that's not my fault. Um...Copy !req
323. Some woman dinged me down in the...
Can't you just—Copy !req
324. I'm sorry, it won't let me book it
without the correct ranking.Copy !req
325. - But it's so close.
- There's just nothing I can do.Copy !req
326. - Christ, I mean, surely.
- I'm gonna have to ask youCopy !req
327. to moderate your language there.Copy !req
328. Sorry. It's just...Copy !req
329. I'm maid of honour.
I cannot miss this wedding.Copy !req
330. And I am so sorry about that.Copy !req
331. - Can you call the supervisor?
- I cannot do that.Copy !req
332. - Can you just call the supervisor?
- I cannot do that.Copy !req
333. - Call the fucking supervisor!
- Okay, that's profanity.Copy !req
334. - We're zero tolerance on profanity.
- I'm sorry. It's just—Copy !req
335. - I have to serve the next customer.
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
336. - Can you step away, ma'am?
- God, just fucking help me!Copy !req
337. Ooh.Copy !req
338. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
339. - I've called security.
- Oh, no, no, no. Please don't do that.Copy !req
340. I'm, uh... five-starring you. Five stars.Copy !req
341. - What's the issue here, Hannah?
- Intimidation and profanity.Copy !req
342. - Oh, no, no. I was not intimidating.
- Don't speak, ma'am.Copy !req
343. - I was just trying to—
- Ma'am.Copy !req
344. Okay. So, in order to restore calm,Copy !req
345. I'm invoking my authority
as airport securityCopy !req
346. to dock you one full ranking point
as a punitive measure.Copy !req
347. - This is a temporary measure.
- No!Copy !req
348. - Your score reverts to normal in 24 hours.
- No, no, no. But I need it now.Copy !req
349. During this period, all down votes
are subject to a times two multiplier.Copy !req
350. Times two?Copy !req
351. We recommend you avoid negative feedback
at this time.Copy !req
352. I'm on double damage?Copy !req
353. Please, remove yourself
from the airport immediately.Copy !req
354. Okay, well, due to your ranking...Copy !req
355. Hi there. Chuck! Great name.Copy !req
356. - Thank you.
- Hope you're having a great night.Copy !req
357. - It's pretty good.
- So I need a car.Copy !req
358. - You got a vehicle in mind?
- Anything, really.Copy !req
359. Well, due to your current ranking,Copy !req
360. you're restricted
to our super saver fleet.Copy !req
361. - Yep. That's... Yeah.
- I-Cruiser 2?Copy !req
362. They still have the 2?Copy !req
363. Oh, God.Copy !req
364. Oh, come on.Copy !req
365. Uh...Copy !req
366. Damn it!Copy !req
367. The little girl, who when we were both
five years old in art camp,Copy !req
368. started talking to me
because she saw I was scared.Copy !req
369. The girl who helped me make Mr. Rags...Copy !req
370. Teardrop. Crowd goes wild.
You can do this.Copy !req
371. - Sorry, okay, I swear I'm on my way.
- How far away are you?Copy !req
372. Uh... Quite a ways. I missed my flight.Copy !req
373. - What?
- Well, not missed it but...Copy !req
374. So you're not gonna make
the rehearsal dinner?Copy !req
375. - No.
- Lacie!Copy !req
376. I am so sorry. It's been...Copy !req
377. I got a rental car. I'm driving.Copy !req
378. Driving? That's like nine hours.Copy !req
379. I'm making good time,Copy !req
380. gonna go through the night,
make a road trip out of it.Copy !req
381. Is everything okay?Copy !req
382. I can find a replacement
if something's wrong.Copy !req
383. No. No. No. I'll be there.
I swear on Mr. Rags.Copy !req
384. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
385. Okay, just drive safe!Copy !req
386. You bet. I'll just—Copy !req
387. Come on.Copy !req
388. Come on.Copy !req
389. Please.Copy !req
390. Okay.Copy !req
391. What do you want?Copy !req
392. Oh, shit.Copy !req
393. Hi. Sorry.Copy !req
394. Your charger doesn't fit my car.Copy !req
395. - Don't see those around much these days.
- It's a rental.Copy !req
396. Ours chargers are Q2Z, yours one's a K1.
They didn't give you an adapter?Copy !req
397. No. Do you have one?Copy !req
398. - Not in here. Ask around.
- Thanks, anyway.Copy !req
399. You're super helpful.Copy !req
400. Two stars?Copy !req
401. Two stars?Copy !req
402. Wasn't a meaningful encounter.Copy !req
403. Sir, excuse me.Copy !req
404. Excuse me, sorry.Copy !req
405. Do you have a K1 adapter, by any chance?Copy !req
406. Ma'am, how about you, a K1 adapter,
perhaps, in the trunk of your car?Copy !req
407. Sure.Copy !req
408. Great.Copy !req
409. Oh, ma'am, hi. Do you have a K1 adapter?Copy !req
410. I have a rental car. It's...Copy !req
411. - Slow down. Let's give her a ride.
- She's, like, 2.8.Copy !req
412. Come on!Copy !req
413. I didn't even do anything!Copy !req
414. You look like you need a ride.Copy !req
415. Um...Copy !req
416. Actually, I'm okay.Copy !req
417. Don't look it. Come on. I don't bite.Copy !req
418. Luther, Mrs. Coffee, reds, whiskey.
Help yourself.Copy !req
419. I'm okay. Thanks.Copy !req
420. Where are you headed?Copy !req
421. Uh... Just as close as you can get
to Port Mary would be great.Copy !req
422. Checking my feed for danger signs?Copy !req
423. I get it a lot.
1.4 gotta be an antisocial maniac, right?Copy !req
424. - You seem...
- Normal?Copy !req
425. - Yeah.
- Thank you.Copy !req
426. It took some effort.
What happened to you?Copy !req
427. I mean, you're a 2.8,
but you don't look 2.8.Copy !req
428. That's not— This is temporary.Copy !req
429. - I'm gonna turn it around.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
430. - I'm going to a wedding. Maid of honour.
- Nice.Copy !req
431. Wanna hear my speech?Copy !req
432. No.Copy !req
433. So how come you're a 2.8?Copy !req
434. Well, I got marked down
at the airport for yelling,Copy !req
435. and they put me on double damage.Copy !req
436. - How did it feel?
- Awful.Copy !req
437. I meant the yelling.Copy !req
438. I don't know. I was mad.Copy !req
439. Look at where it got me.Copy !req
440. But as long as I get to the wedding,
do the speech,Copy !req
441. they'll overlook the 2.8.
I'm with the bride.Copy !req
442. And if I do well,
well, they're all high foursCopy !req
443. so that velocitates my arc.Copy !req
444. And once they lift the point penalty,
well, my average goes way up,Copy !req
445. and, yeah, it's gonna be okay.Copy !req
446. God, you remind me of me.Copy !req
447. - Hmm.
- Not now.Copy !req
448. I was, uh... 4.6 once.Copy !req
449. - 4.6?
- Used to live for it.Copy !req
450. All the work I put in...Copy !req
451. Eight years ago,
Tom, my husband, got cancer.Copy !req
452. It was pancreatic. It was a real bitch.
The symptoms showed up late.Copy !req
453. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
454. You don't know me
so you're not really sorry.Copy !req
455. You're just mainly awkward
cos I have sprung some cancer talk at you.Copy !req
456. Anyway, I five-starred every doctor,Copy !req
457. every nurse, every high-four
consultant that we had.Copy !req
458. Ding. Ding. Ding. Thank you so much.Copy !req
459. The cancer didn't give a shit.
It just kept growing.Copy !req
460. A couple of months in, we heard
about this experimental treatment.Copy !req
461. It was very expensive. It was very exclusive.Copy !req
462. I did everything I could
to get him a spot there.Copy !req
463. Tom was a 4.3.Copy !req
464. They gave his bed to a 4.4.Copy !req
465. So when he died I thought, fuck it.Copy !req
466. I started saying what I wanted,
when I wanted.Copy !req
467. Just drop it out there.Copy !req
468. People don't always like that.Copy !req
469. It is incredible
how fast you slip off the ladderCopy !req
470. when you start doing that.Copy !req
471. It turned out a lot of my friends
didn't care for honesty.Copy !req
472. Treated me like I had taken a shit
at their breakfast table.Copy !req
473. But, Jesus Christ, it felt good.Copy !req
474. Shedding those fuckers.Copy !req
475. It was like taking off tight shoes.Copy !req
476. - Maybe you should try it?
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
477. Why not?Copy !req
478. I can't just kick off my shoes
and walk the earth or whatever.Copy !req
479. - You won't know unless you try.
- Oh, that's just...Copy !req
480. Look, you had something with your life,Copy !req
481. real things, good things,
and you lost it all, and I'm sorry.Copy !req
482. So now you've got nothing left to lose.Copy !req
483. But I don't even have the something
worth losing, not yet.Copy !req
484. You know,
I mean, I'm still fighting for that.Copy !req
485. - And what is "that"?
- I don't know. Enough to be content?Copy !req
486. Like, to look around and think,
well, I guess I'm okay.Copy !req
487. Just to be able to breathe out,
not feeling like... like...Copy !req
488. Like just...
And that is way off, like, way, way off.Copy !req
489. And until I get there,
I have to play the numbers game.Copy !req
490. We all do, that's what we're in.
That's how the fucking world works.Copy !req
491. Look, maybe you don't remember,
you know, you're just too old to get it.Copy !req
492. I do not mean that how it sounds.Copy !req
493. Don't worry. I'm not voting you down.Copy !req
494. - Sweetheart.
- What time is it?Copy !req
495. I'm heading east from here so I think
you need to get yourself another ride.Copy !req
496. - Where are we?
- About 30 miles from Port Mary.Copy !req
497. A lot of buses stop here
so you should be fine.Copy !req
498. - Well, thank you.
- Good luck with your speech.Copy !req
499. I put a little something in there
for you.Copy !req
500. - You did?
- Emergency escape hatch!Copy !req
501. Bye.Copy !req
502. In this world,
we're all so caught up...Copy !req
503. in our own dramas.Copy !req
504. - So, Dad was like...
- It's easy to forget what matters.Copy !req
505. He'd never even heard of the show.Copy !req
506. I'm like, "You never heard
of Sea of Tranquillity?"Copy !req
507. Like, the number-one sci-fi fantasy,Copy !req
508. and he's all like, "What the fuck?" Whatever!Copy !req
509. I think I'm allergic to this purple.Copy !req
510. So I'm like, "Well, I'm going
to Tranquillity Con in Port Mary.Copy !req
511. That's why I'm dressed
like Lieutenant Duster."Copy !req
512. He's all like, "Uh... Port Mary is
frickin' miles away."Copy !req
513. Yadda, yadda, yadda.Copy !req
514. He one-stars me. Like, thanks, Dad.Copy !req
515. - See you back on there.
- Okay.Copy !req
516. Are you guys headed to Tranquillity Con?Copy !req
517. - You're into Sea of Tranquillity?
- Totally.Copy !req
518. I was all set to go.Copy !req
519. My friend, who is there already,
has my costume, but my car broke down.Copy !req
520. Well, there's some space in the RV.Copy !req
521. - Hi.
- Hey!Copy !req
522. - You're a Trank head, huh?
- Sorry?Copy !req
523. Trank head. Sea of Tranquillity fan?Copy !req
524. Oh, yeah.
We say Tranksters where I'm from.Copy !req
525. - Who's your favourite character?
- Gotta be Lieutenant Duster.Copy !req
526. - She's awesome.
- She?Copy !req
527. He! I misspoke.Copy !req
528. Lieutenant Duster has no fixed gender.Copy !req
529. I know, and that's why
it's so hard to remember, right?Copy !req
530. Excuse me. Gotta get this.Copy !req
531. My friend, at the convention.Copy !req
532. Hi, Nay!Copy !req
533. So, oh, my God,
insane night, but I am so close now.Copy !req
534. Don't come.Copy !req
535. What? No. No. I'm, like, an hour away.Copy !req
536. Don't come. I don't want you here.Copy !req
537. I don't know what is up with you,
but I cannot have a 2.6 at my wedding.Copy !req
538. Oh, no, that's temporary!
That's temporary.Copy !req
539. Well, the wedding's today so...Copy !req
540. - But it doesn't change anything.
- Lacie...Copy !req
541. - I can still do the same speech.
- Lacie...Copy !req
542. - And there's Mr. Rags!
- No!Copy !req
543. But... But you invited me.Copy !req
544. You've seen the guest list.
They are all, like, 4.5 or above.Copy !req
545. They are going to freak at a 2.6,
and I am not taking that kind of damage,Copy !req
546. plus I haven't dipped under
a 4.7 in, like, six months.Copy !req
547. You said you wanted your oldest friend.Copy !req
548. When I asked you to speak,
you were a 4.2, okay?Copy !req
549. And the authenticity of a vintage bond
low four at a gathering of this calibreCopy !req
550. played fantastically
on all the stimulations we ran.Copy !req
551. Forecast was a prestige bounce
of.2 minimum.Copy !req
552. But now you're a sub three. Sorry.Copy !req
553. That just puts the stink on things
a little too much.Copy !req
554. That just plays badly for us.Copy !req
555. So it was just about numbers for you?Copy !req
556. Oh, cut the shit!
It was numbers for both of us.Copy !req
557. You wanted those primo votes,
don't deny it.Copy !req
558. It's not like you could get them
on your own. Let's not kid ourselves.Copy !req
559. Oh, I'm... I'm getting those votes.Copy !req
560. What? You're just gonna roll up here
and make people like you?Copy !req
561. - That's right. I'm doing my speech.
- No, you're not.Copy !req
562. Yes, I am. And they are gonna vote me
through the roof when they hear it.Copy !req
563. - Weep their fucking eyes out!
- Go home!Copy !req
564. Hello?Copy !req
565. Fuck!Copy !req
566. I have never seen
your stupid fucking show.Copy !req
567. Hope they cancel it!Copy !req
568. I need a ride!Copy !req
569. Fuck!Copy !req
570. Jesus!Copy !req
571. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
572. Hey!Copy !req
573. - Can I borrow your bike?
- What?Copy !req
574. Can I borrow your bike?Copy !req
575. Do you, Naomi Jayne Blestow,
take this man to be your husband,Copy !req
576. to live together with him
in the covenant of marriage?Copy !req
577. To love him, comfort him,Copy !req
578. honour and keep him,
in sickness and in health...Copy !req
579. and forsaking all others,
be faithful unto him...Copy !req
580. To my best mate, Anthony.
Let's hear it for him.Copy !req
581. You've been there from day one.
I love you, man. I appreciate you.Copy !req
582. Hilarious speech, by the way.
By your standards.Copy !req
583. - Pow! Pow! Pow!
- Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
584. He's still got a few bullets left.
Oh, man.Copy !req
585. Oh, gosh, well, um...Copy !req
586. Shit!Copy !req
587. We have so many people to thank.
Our beautiful bridesmaids.Copy !req
588. But, of course,Copy !req
589. my most heartfelt thanks,
my warmest thanks,Copy !req
590. are to someone who's my best friend,Copy !req
591. my lover and now,
I'm honoured to say, my wife.Copy !req
592. Naomi!Copy !req
593. One, two, three! Naomi!Copy !req
594. The A Team!Copy !req
595. I love you so much, darl.Copy !req
596. Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!Copy !req
597. Congratulations, sir.Copy !req
598. - Thank you.
- No, thank you.Copy !req
599. Get over here!Copy !req
600. Get your ass over here.Copy !req
601. Get in here, big boy.Copy !req
602. You're beautiful!Copy !req
603. Yeah! Gimme five! Good choice!Copy !req
604. You fucking earned it, man.
You fucking earned it.Copy !req
605. Everybody, hello!Copy !req
606. - Oh, my God.
- I love you.Copy !req
607. Can everyone be quiet for a moment?Copy !req
608. Thank you.Copy !req
609. - Get rid of her.
- That would play awful.Copy !req
610. She's a fucking 1.1.Copy !req
611. Now for those of you who don't know me,
which is... all of you...Copy !req
612. my name is Lacie PoundCopy !req
613. and, believe it or not,
I am one of Naomi's oldest friends.Copy !req
614. Hi, Nay-Nay!Copy !req
615. It's great to meet you too, Paul.
I've heard a lot about you.Copy !req
616. He's a pretty big deal, that Paul.Copy !req
617. Pretty big deal.Copy !req
618. He makes his own tapenade! Yeah.Copy !req
619. Uh...Copy !req
620. Anyway, um... I...Copy !req
621. have looked up to Naomi
pretty much my entire life.Copy !req
622. We met when we were five years old,Copy !req
623. and right up through to our
teenage years, we made quite the pair.Copy !req
624. We'd talk about all the things
girls talk about,Copy !req
625. you know, boys, hair, products,
uh... more boys.Copy !req
626. I mean, I tried sometimes
to expand our range a littleCopy !req
627. and talk about climate change,
but she found that kind of boring so...Copy !req
628. Go on.Copy !req
629. She was probably right.
I mean, fuck the planet, right?Copy !req
630. Whoo!Copy !req
631. Yes, thank you! Come on.
Let's have a little fun here.Copy !req
632. You know, fuck the planet!Copy !req
633. Fuck the planet!Copy !req
634. Anyway...Copy !req
635. I... looked up to Naomi
pretty much my entire life,Copy !req
636. which meant she was looking down on me.Copy !req
637. Always with a smile though.Copy !req
638. In high school,
she was my shoulder to cry on.Copy !req
639. She seemed to enjoy that.
Guys and me never worked out.Copy !req
640. They'd see Naomi and just...
Whoo! You know, that was it.Copy !req
641. She had this tight ass,Copy !req
642. like two fists.Copy !req
643. Uh-huh.Copy !req
644. I was all like...Copy !req
645. I was like...Copy !req
646. through the hallways in high school.Copy !req
647. And she was there for me.Copy !req
648. Holding my hair back...Copy !req
649. as I knelt,
vomiting, in front of the crapper.Copy !req
650. Thank you for that, Naomi.Copy !req
651. I always wished I was you.Copy !req
652. And...Copy !req
653. I guess that's why you kept me around
so long?Copy !req
654. Until you got your new jobCopy !req
655. and your fancy new friends.Copy !req
656. And that...Copy !req
657. fucking... jackhole!Copy !req
658. And you didn't need me.
You probably got another me.Copy !req
659. Guess there's some other "yeth Beth"
you moved on to like a succubus.Copy !req
660. I'm getting to Mr. Rags, okay? Jesus!Copy !req
661. Stay back.Copy !req
662. Stay the fuck back! I'll kill him!Copy !req
663. I'll cut his head off
and stick it up my ass!Copy !req
664. Time's nearly up!Copy !req
665. - Hey! Calm down.
- I...Copy !req
666. I just wanted to say, in this world
so caught up in our own shit,Copy !req
667. - let's not forget what matters.
- It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
668. Happiness, fucking Paul and Naomi,
and she's...Copy !req
669. She... She fucked Greg!Copy !req
670. I know she did.Copy !req
671. - I know you did.
- No...Copy !req
672. Don't even try to deny—Copy !req
673. The little girl who, when we were
just five-years-old in art camp,Copy !req
674. started talking to me
because she saw I was scaredCopy !req
675. and helped me make Mr. Rags.Copy !req
676. He reminds me of you
and what you meant to me then!Copy !req
677. And I'm so honoured to be here
to see this shit!Copy !req
678. I love you, Nay-Nay!
I've always loved you!Copy !req
679. I love you!Copy !req
680. What the fuck are you looking at?Copy !req
681. Just what I was wondering.Copy !req
682. Well...Copy !req
683. Don't!Copy !req
684. Don't? Don't wonder?Copy !req
685. Uh-huh.Copy !req
686. - It would be a dull world without wonder.
- I don't give a shit about your world.Copy !req
687. I don't like your brassiere.Copy !req
688. I don't like your moustache.Copy !req
689. I don't like your aura.Copy !req
690. - My aura?
- Yeah.Copy !req
691. I don't like your... head.Copy !req
692. Your entire head is just ridiculous to me.Copy !req
693. Really?Copy !req
694. You look like an alcoholic
former weatherman.Copy !req
695. You sound like a lost little lambCopy !req
696. that just got told there's no Santa Claus.Copy !req
697. What sort of cartoon character
did your mum have to fuckCopy !req
698. to brew you up in the womb?Copy !req
699. At least I look like I was born,Copy !req
700. not shit out by some tormented
cow creature in an underground lab.Copy !req
701. You got tossed out of that lab.Copy !req
702. - Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah, flushed out.Copy !req
703. - Ooh!
- In the trash!Copy !req
704. - Your face is a fucking...
- Fucking.Copy !req
705. Fucking biological car crashCopy !req
706. that made Picasso screw his eyes up
and say,Copy !req
707. "Well, that just don't make sense."Copy !req
708. - You're a fucking asshole.
- Fuck you!Copy !req
709. - Fuck you next Wednesday.
- Fuck you for Christmas!Copy !req
710. - Fuck you!
- Fuck you!Copy !req