- 1. - Hey, Lacie!
- 2. Ryan?
- 3. Ryan!
- 4. - I was holding a bomb!
- Come on!
- 5. Sorry, guys.
- 6. Landlord is sending buyers over today
so... put your pants on.
- 7. Maybe if I don't,
it'll scare 'em off and we can stay here.
- 8. Not an option, Ryan.
Lease is up in four weeks.
- 9. Hey, I'm thinking of you.
I've got somewhere to go.
- 10. Nate's roommate took a job in Phoenix
so I get his place.
- 11. - Okay.
- Now who's the slow poke?
- 12. I'm... seeing some places over lunch.
Catch you later.
- 13. Sorry, that was my sister.
- 14. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you'd love to.
- 15. Jasmine tea?
- 16. And that's one Brushed Suede.
- 17. You want a cookie with that?
- 18. - It's on the house.
- Sounds awesome.
- 19. - See you tomorrow, JJ.
- See you, Lacie.
- 20. Oh, I saw your boy
in the fire hat just now! So cute!
- 21. Yeah, he's really something.
- 22. Hmm.
- 23. Hey, Lacie!
- 24. - Bets, it's great to see you!
- You too.
- 25. How's Pancakes?
- 26. He's hilarious.
Such a funny cat. Just the best.
- 27. - Are you still at Hoddicker?
- 28. - Yeah. It's going pretty great.
- Good to hear.
- 29. - So what brings you back here?
- New job, first day.
- 30. - First day?
- At Blankman-Harper.
- 31. Whoa! Top floor! That's...
- 32. - Well, good luck.
- I know, right?
- 33. It's great you're still happy
- 34. - Well, maybe not forever.
- No, not forever.
- 35. - But for now...
- It's OK for now.
- 36. It's great for now, yes. Yes, it is.
- 37. Lacie, I got you a smoothie.
- 38. Got one for everyone, actually.
Still a bunch of them for grabs.
- 39. They're from the organic stall
at the farmers' market.
- 40. Sure. Okay.
- 41. Mmm!
- 42. Thank you. Thank you.
- 43. We're kind of not talking to Ches.
- 44. - 3.1? What happened?
- Him and Gordon split up.
- 45. Oh...
- 46. - Poor Ches.
- No, no, no, we're all on Gordon's side.
- 47. Sure! Obviously.
- 48. Ches is kissing ass.
Trying to scrape himself back.
- 49. Of course, if it drops below two-five,
then it's... bye-bye.
- 50. Hello?
- 51. - Yo, they're taking it.
- 52. The couple the landlord sent over.
I heard them talking.
- 53. Okay.
- 54. So,
now we move into the light space area.
- 55. Ideal for special times with loved ones.
- 56. - Great food, great company.
- 57. Whoa!
- 58. Sampled your photo stream to make her.
- 59. Great hair!
- 60. Styled free of charge
at the members' salon.
- 61. Oh, my God.
- 62. It's hilarious!
- 63. You like him?
- 64. - He's okay.
- He doesn't come with the apartment.
- 65. But there is a bar and restaurant
on site, tenants only.
- 66. We have unparalleled metrics
on romantic geneses.
- 67. Uh-huh.
- 68. I gotta say,
these places are going like "that."
- 69. - So don't delay if you're interested.
- Oh, I'm more than interested.
- 70. Standard occupancy
on a minimum six-month contract,
- 71. we're talking... this much.
- 72. - How often are the payments?
- That's weekly.
- 73. Okay.
- 74. - A little more than expected?
- 75. There's options.
- 76. You know our Prime Influencers Programme?
- 77. - Do I qualify for that?
- No. No, you don't.
- 78. We'd need you around a 4.5.
- 79. 4.5?
- 80. Hit 4.5 and there's a 20% discount.
- 81. - 4.5.
- That's right.
- 82. Pelican Cove? What is this?
A eugenics programme?
- 83. - A lifestyle community.
- No one is this happy.
- 84. A two-year-old with a fucking balloon
isn't this happy.
- 85. It's actually a pretty cool place.
- 86. Like you'd even qualify.
- 87. There's nothing I can do, sir.
- 88. Well, it's not hopeless,
you're clearly a tryer.
- 89. That's the sense you get just from... me?
- 90. From your rep report analytics.
- 91. If we drill down into the numbers,
you've got a solid popularity arc here.
- 92. Strong overall trajectory.
Let's just look at the last 24 hours.
- 93. You see, even—
- 94. What's that? 8:40 a.m.
You're working hard on your socials.
- 95. - Great little uptake there.
- 96. Couple of minor dings there.
You cut someone off in traffic?
- 97. Oh, just a workplace thing.
- 98. Okay.
Let's check on your sphere of influence.
- 99. Let me zoom out here.
- 100. Great peripherals.
Strangers like you, that's a plus.
- 101. - Healthy inner circle. It's good.
- Thank you.
- 102. There's a ways to go,
but 4.5 is certainly achievable.
- 103. How long do you think?
- 104. - To hit 4.5?
- 105. Well, barring a major setback,
- 106. a public disgrace kind of deal,
I'd say 18 months or so.
- 107. Oh, I need more short term.
Like... much more.
- 108. Then you'll need a boost.
- 109. - What kind of a boost?
- 110. Most of your interactions are confined
to your inner circle
- 111. and they're largely, pardon the term,
mid- to low-range folks.
- 112. Same with your outer circle.
- 113. You've got a ton of reciprocal five stars
from service industry workers,
- 114. but there's not much else.
- 115. At least as far as I can see.
- 116. So in terms of quality,
you could use a punch up right there.
- 117. Ideally,
that's up votes from quality people.
- 118. - Quality people?
- High fours.
- 119. Impress those up-scale folks,
you'll gain velocity on your arc
- 120. and there's your boost.
- 121. - Oh, hi, JJ!
- Hey, Lacie!
- 122. - Keith! Hello.
- 123. - You look great today.
- Thank you!
- 124. - Door won't open. I'm on 2.4.
- Sorry, Ches. I'm late.
- 125. I just need some stars, please!
- 126. Fuck!
- 127. - Oh, hi!
- 128. - How's it going at Blankman?
- Just great.
- 129. - Well, I bet you work... good there.
- Thank you.
- 130. Would you like a croissant?
- 131. They gave me an extra at the coffee place.
- 132. - Oh, no, I already ate.
- Okay, sure. All good. Yes.
- 133. Yeah.
- 134. Well, here's me, so...
- 135. Don't try too hard.
It's impossible to respect.
- 136. High fours can smell it a mile off.
Just be you.
- 137. Authentic gestures, that's the key.
- 138. - That's time up, I'll catch you later.
- Oh, could I just ask—
- 139. "Mr. Rags."
- 140. Shit!
- 141. - What the fuck is that?
- Tapenade. Want some?
- 142. Who even are you?
- 143. It's just something I wanna eat, Ryan.
- 144. Oh, my God.
- 145. - What is it?
- 146. Shit!
- 147. Old school, el perfecto Naomi?
You guys keep in contact?
- 148. Ryan, just go! Go!
- 149. - Oh, my God!
- Nay-Nay, how are you?
- 150. I was just fixing myself a snack.
- 151. Oh, Lace, could I just say
I am so happy to see your face?
- 152. - Me too. It's been...
- Too long.
- 153. - Way too long.
- And that's my fault.
- 154. - No, it's mine. Everything is just so...
- Everything's just so...
- 155. Crazy! Oh, it's so good to see you.
- 156. When you posted that Mr. Rags photo...
- 157. I know, Mr. Rags!
- 158. I just had to call
- 159. and talk to you because...
- 160. Whoo-hoo!
- 161. Wow! That's a... big ring!
- 162. Congratulations! Who's the, um... Paul?
- 163. He is great. So smart. Just sweet.
- 164. I know you're gonna love him.
- 165. Uh-huh.
- 166. So, anyways, the big day...
- 167. Yes, when is it?
- 168. So, we're getting married in a month
- 169. on his family's estate
- 170. up here on the island.
- 171. This place outside Port Mary, Honeysuckle.
You heard of it?
- 172. No, but...
- 173. Well, it's a private island.
- 174. Take a looooook!
- 175. Oh, wow! That is...
- 176. I know, right? So... can you make it?
- 177. Are you kidding? Of course.
- 178. Great, cool, cos I was wondering if...
- 179. Lace, do you think...
- 180. Would you be my maid of honour?
- 181. Seriously?
- 182. Oh, my God.
- 183. I mean, you've got such cool friends now.
Are you sure?
- 184. Remember when we used to plan our
dream weddings when we were, like, 11?
- 185. - I know but we haven't s—
- I don't know, just seeing Mr. Rags...
- 186. All the memories.
It just brought things home.
- 187. Oh, Nay-Nay.
- 188. I know we haven't kept in touch
as much as I'd have liked
- 189. and that is totally my fault,
but this is a big day.
- 190. A big life day and I want my oldest
friend with me, my oldest friend.
- 191. I want you by my side.
- 192. Oh, my God. Thank you.
- 193. What do I have to...
- 194. Not much to it. A speech, mainly.
- 195. Speech? Of course!
- 196. Mm-hmm. How big's the crowd?
- 197. Oh, my gosh, like... hundreds!
- 198. It's a crazy guest list. I'll send it now.
- 199. Paul's invited so many,
I don't want to call them big deals,
- 200. but they're all, like,
4.7 or above.
- 201. Uh-huh.
- 202. Nay-Nay, I will not let you down.
- 203. Don't sweat too much!
Just talk about old memories.
- 204. - Sure.
- How we were, any old things.
- 205. - Gotcha.
- I'll ping you some anecdotes.
- 206. - That would be great.
- And what's your dress size?
- 207. Oh, um...
- 208. I'll tell you what,
I'll just send you a four.
- 209. - Perfect.
- We got matching bridesmaids dresses.
- 210. Well, anyway...
- 211. Love you, Lay.
- 212. You too, Nay-Nay!
- 213. Oh!
- 214. Bye.
- 215. What was that? The F-word?
- 216. You two pussy pals now?
- 217. Shut up.
- 218. - She was always mean to you.
- No, she wasn't.
- 219. - She had that rhyme about you.
- That was a game.
- 220. - What about when she cut your hair?
- I asked her to.
- 221. She fucked Greg.
- 222. She... did not fuck Greg.
- 223. She looked hot. I'll give her that.
- 224. Okay.
- 225. Impressive.
- 226. - Uh-huh. Jesus. Yeah, that'd do it.
- 227. Pelican Cove.
- 228. Carole, it's Lacie. Saw the place yesterday.
I wanna take it.
- 229. That's fantastic!
- 230. Uh... Oh, I see you're still on a 4.2.
Is that, um...
- 231. Yep, I'm on it,
just gonna transfer the deposit now.
- 232. - Well, okay.
- 233. In this world,
we're all so caught up in our own heads.
- 234. It's easy to lose sight of what's real.
- 235. But as I stand here today...
- 236. seeing the joy Paul has brought
to Naomi's life,
- 237. I know she's someone
who truly matters to me.
- 238. Nay-Nay,
- 239. the little girl who, when we were just
five-years-old in art camp,
- 240. started talking to me
because she saw I was scared.
- 241. - The girl who helped me make Mr. Rags.
- I still have him.
- 242. He sits on my desk and...
- 243. every day, he reminds me of Nay-Nay.
- 244. What she meant to me then and now.
- 245. I am so honored to be here
- 246. and I wish you all the happiness
this stupid world can muster.
- 247. I love you, Nay-Nay.
- 248. Is the tear too much?
- 249. You fucking sociopath.
- 250. - Ryan, my car's here. Was it too much?
- What, the tear, the photo, Mr. Rags?
- 251. I do keep him on my desk.
- 252. There's sugary
and then there's fucking diabetes.
- 253. I just wanna make her happy
on her wedding day.
- 254. The captive audience of 4-point holies
five-starring your ass off,
- 255. that's just a bonus.
- 256. - Naomi and I were best friends.
- Come on...
- 257. I wish her well
and wanna express it the best I can.
- 258. And, yeah, if I nail a speech
and get five-starred
- 259. by hundreds of primes, so what?
It's a win-win.
- 260. What are you hoping for? Like, 4.3, 4.4?
- 261. Unh-unh.
You get points from your gaming buddies.
- 262. It's the same thing.
Don't shit on me for aiming higher.
- 263. Pelican Cove higher?
- 264. What's wrong with Pelican Cove?
They're great apartments!
- 265. They are fake-smile jail cells.
- 266. Great. Car cancelled.
- 267. And he marked me down so now I have
to book another, and I took a ding.
- 268. - Great job.
- I am sorry, but I miss the normal you.
- 269. Before this obsession,
when we had conversations, remember?
- 270. I need my charger.
- 271. This whole ranking thing,
just comparing yourself to people who—
- 272. - Have you seen my charger?
- ... only pretend to be happy.
- 273. I said don't borrow this!
- 274. High fours like Naomi,
I bet they're suicidal on the inside.
- 275. My car is here. Again.
- 276. Your Pelican Cove deposit,
is it refundable?
- 277. Like, what if this doesn't work?
- 278. - Can't you just stay out of my shit?
- You're my sister!
- 279. Yes! And if you cared about that,
maybe you would've noticed
- 280. living with you hasn't been
one big rainbow sandwich for me.
- 281. Do you know why
I never brought any guys back here?
- 282. Because I didn't want them
to know I was sharing a skanky-ass cave
- 283. with Mr. Three Point Fuck.
- 284. Good luck with your performance!
- 285. Oh, hi, hi! I'm coming. I'm coming.
- 286. - Jesus Christ!
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- 287. That's great. Just great.
- 288. Oh... Hi.
- 289. Nay-Nay!
- 290. Hey, Lace! Just checking in.
- 291. I'm on my way to the airport right now.
- 292. Okay, cool, and you're all good
for the rehearsal dinner?
- 293. Oh, yeah. The flight's, what, an hour?
That restaurant looks so cool.
- 294. - Uh-huh. And you got the dress okay?
- Mm-hmm. In my case.
- 295. - I love the pink.
- 296. So the latest draft
of the speech is great.
- 297. Going handwritten's so cool.
- 298. Those scans of the page,
my God, I welled up just at that.
- 299. - Oh, thank you!
- Um... just one thought.
- 300. That whole bit where I help you
with the eating disorder thing...
- 301. - You think that's a little...
- A little over-sharing, yeah.
- 302. You're so right. It's gone.
- 303. Okay. Cool.
Well, I'll see you in a few hours!
- 304. And here's your tip. Thank you.
- 305. Oh, come on.
- 306. May I have your attention, please...
- 307. - Hi there, how are you doing?
- I am wonderful.
- 308. I am so sorry, that flight is cancelled.
- 309. - No. No, no, no.
- Customer incident at the other end.
- 310. But... So when is the next flight?
- 311. Yeah, they're all kind of full.
- 312. Uh... I booked this weeks ago.
It's my best friend's wedding.
- 313. - I'm sorry.
- I have to get there. I have to.
- 314. Okay— let's see what we can do.
- 315. Thank you. Thank you so much.
- 316. I see there's one standby seat
on another plane leaving tonight.
- 317. Uh...
- 318. That's reserved for members
of our Prime Flight Programme.
- 319. You gotta be a 4.2 or over to qualify.
- 320. - Oh, I'm... I'm a 4.2.
- 321. I'm afraid you're actually a 4.183.
- 322. Oh. Well, that's not my fault. Um...
- 323. Some woman dinged me down in the...
Can't you just—
- 324. I'm sorry, it won't let me book it
without the correct ranking.
- 325. - But it's so close.
- There's just nothing I can do.
- 326. - Christ, I mean, surely.
- I'm gonna have to ask you
- 327. to moderate your language there.
- 328. Sorry. It's just...
- 329. I'm maid of honour.
I cannot miss this wedding.
- 330. And I am so sorry about that.
- 331. - Can you call the supervisor?
- I cannot do that.
- 332. - Can you just call the supervisor?
- I cannot do that.
- 333. - Call the fucking supervisor!
- Okay, that's profanity.
- 334. - We're zero tolerance on profanity.
- I'm sorry. It's just—
- 335. - I have to serve the next customer.
- No, no, no, no.
- 336. - Can you step away, ma'am?
- God, just fucking help me!
- 337. Ooh.
- 338. I'm so sorry.
- 339. - I've called security.
- Oh, no, no, no. Please don't do that.
- 340. I'm, uh... five-starring you. Five stars.
- 341. - What's the issue here, Hannah?
- Intimidation and profanity.
- 342. - Oh, no, no. I was not intimidating.
- Don't speak, ma'am.
- 343. - I was just trying to—
- 344. Okay. So, in order to restore calm,
- 345. I'm invoking my authority
as airport security
- 346. to dock you one full ranking point
as a punitive measure.
- 347. - This is a temporary measure.
- 348. - Your score reverts to normal in 24 hours.
- No, no, no. But I need it now.
- 349. During this period, all down votes
are subject to a times two multiplier.
- 350. Times two?
- 351. We recommend you avoid negative feedback
at this time.
- 352. I'm on double damage?
- 353. Please, remove yourself
from the airport immediately.
- 354. Okay, well, due to your ranking...
- 355. Hi there. Chuck! Great name.
- 356. - Thank you.
- Hope you're having a great night.
- 357. - It's pretty good.
- So I need a car.
- 358. - You got a vehicle in mind?
- Anything, really.
- 359. Well, due to your current ranking,
- 360. you're restricted
to our super saver fleet.
- 361. - Yep. That's... Yeah.
- I-Cruiser 2?
- 362. They still have the 2?
- 363. Oh, God.
- 364. Oh, come on.
- 365. Uh...
- 366. Damn it!
- 367. The little girl, who when we were both
five years old in art camp,
- 368. started talking to me
because she saw I was scared.
- 369. The girl who helped me make Mr. Rags...
- 370. Teardrop. Crowd goes wild.
You can do this.
- 371. - Sorry, okay, I swear I'm on my way.
- How far away are you?
- 372. Uh... Quite a ways. I missed my flight.
- 373. - What?
- Well, not missed it but...
- 374. So you're not gonna make
the rehearsal dinner?
- 375. - No.
- 376. I am so sorry. It's been...
- 377. I got a rental car. I'm driving.
- 378. Driving? That's like nine hours.
- 379. I'm making good time,
- 380. gonna go through the night,
make a road trip out of it.
- 381. Is everything okay?
- 382. I can find a replacement
if something's wrong.
- 383. No. No. No. I'll be there.
I swear on Mr. Rags.
- 384. Ha ha ha!
- 385. Okay, just drive safe!
- 386. You bet. I'll just—
- 387. Come on.
- 388. Come on.
- 389. Please.
- 390. Okay.
- 391. What do you want?
- 392. Oh, shit.
- 393. Hi. Sorry.
- 394. Your charger doesn't fit my car.
- 395. - Don't see those around much these days.
- It's a rental.
- 396. Ours chargers are Q2Z, yours one's a K1.
They didn't give you an adapter?
- 397. No. Do you have one?
- 398. - Not in here. Ask around.
- Thanks, anyway.
- 399. You're super helpful.
- 400. Two stars?
- 401. Two stars?
- 402. Wasn't a meaningful encounter.
- 403. Sir, excuse me.
- 404. Excuse me, sorry.
- 405. Do you have a K1 adapter, by any chance?
- 406. Ma'am, how about you, a K1 adapter,
perhaps, in the trunk of your car?
- 407. Sure.
- 408. Great.
- 409. Oh, ma'am, hi. Do you have a K1 adapter?
- 410. I have a rental car. It's...
- 411. - Slow down. Let's give her a ride.
- She's, like, 2.8.
- 412. Come on!
- 413. I didn't even do anything!
- 414. You look like you need a ride.
- 415. Um...
- 416. Actually, I'm okay.
- 417. Don't look it. Come on. I don't bite.
- 418. Luther, Mrs. Coffee, reds, whiskey.
- 419. I'm okay. Thanks.
- 420. Where are you headed?
- 421. Uh... Just as close as you can get
to Port Mary would be great.
- 422. Checking my feed for danger signs?
- 423. I get it a lot.
1.4 gotta be an antisocial maniac, right?
- 424. - You seem...
- 425. - Yeah.
- Thank you.
- 426. It took some effort.
What happened to you?
- 427. I mean, you're a 2.8,
but you don't look 2.8.
- 428. That's not— This is temporary.
- 429. - I'm gonna turn it around.
- 430. - I'm going to a wedding. Maid of honour.
- 431. Wanna hear my speech?
- 432. No.
- 433. So how come you're a 2.8?
- 434. Well, I got marked down
at the airport for yelling,
- 435. and they put me on double damage.
- 436. - How did it feel?
- 437. I meant the yelling.
- 438. I don't know. I was mad.
- 439. Look at where it got me.
- 440. But as long as I get to the wedding,
do the speech,
- 441. they'll overlook the 2.8.
I'm with the bride.
- 442. And if I do well,
well, they're all high fours
- 443. so that velocitates my arc.
- 444. And once they lift the point penalty,
well, my average goes way up,
- 445. and, yeah, it's gonna be okay.
- 446. God, you remind me of me.
- 447. - Hmm.
- Not now.
- 448. I was, uh... 4.6 once.
- 449. - 4.6?
- Used to live for it.
- 450. All the work I put in...
- 451. Eight years ago,
Tom, my husband, got cancer.
- 452. It was pancreatic. It was a real bitch.
The symptoms showed up late.
- 453. I'm so sorry.
- 454. You don't know me
so you're not really sorry.
- 455. You're just mainly awkward
cos I have sprung some cancer talk at you.
- 456. Anyway, I five-starred every doctor,
- 457. every nurse, every high-four
consultant that we had.
- 458. Ding. Ding. Ding. Thank you so much.
- 459. The cancer didn't give a shit.
It just kept growing.
- 460. A couple of months in, we heard
about this experimental treatment.
- 461. It was very expensive. It was very exclusive.
- 462. I did everything I could
to get him a spot there.
- 463. Tom was a 4.3.
- 464. They gave his bed to a 4.4.
- 465. So when he died I thought, fuck it.
- 466. I started saying what I wanted,
when I wanted.
- 467. Just drop it out there.
- 468. People don't always like that.
- 469. It is incredible
how fast you slip off the ladder
- 470. when you start doing that.
- 471. It turned out a lot of my friends
didn't care for honesty.
- 472. Treated me like I had taken a shit
at their breakfast table.
- 473. But, Jesus Christ, it felt good.
- 474. Shedding those fuckers.
- 475. It was like taking off tight shoes.
- 476. - Maybe you should try it?
- Oh, come on.
- 477. Why not?
- 478. I can't just kick off my shoes
and walk the earth or whatever.
- 479. - You won't know unless you try.
- Oh, that's just...
- 480. Look, you had something with your life,
- 481. real things, good things,
and you lost it all, and I'm sorry.
- 482. So now you've got nothing left to lose.
- 483. But I don't even have the something
worth losing, not yet.
- 484. You know,
I mean, I'm still fighting for that.
- 485. - And what is "that"?
- I don't know. Enough to be content?
- 486. Like, to look around and think,
well, I guess I'm okay.
- 487. Just to be able to breathe out,
not feeling like... like...
- 488. Like just...
And that is way off, like, way, way off.
- 489. And until I get there,
I have to play the numbers game.
- 490. We all do, that's what we're in.
That's how the fucking world works.
- 491. Look, maybe you don't remember,
you know, you're just too old to get it.
- 492. I do not mean that how it sounds.
- 493. Don't worry. I'm not voting you down.
- 494. - Sweetheart.
- What time is it?
- 495. I'm heading east from here so I think
you need to get yourself another ride.
- 496. - Where are we?
- About 30 miles from Port Mary.
- 497. A lot of buses stop here
so you should be fine.
- 498. - Well, thank you.
- Good luck with your speech.
- 499. I put a little something in there
- 500. - You did?
- Emergency escape hatch!
- 501. Bye.
- 502. In this world,
we're all so caught up...
- 503. in our own dramas.
- 504. - So, Dad was like...
- It's easy to forget what matters.
- 505. He'd never even heard of the show.
- 506. I'm like, "You never heard
of Sea of Tranquillity?"
- 507. Like, the number-one sci-fi fantasy,
- 508. and he's all like, "What the fuck?" Whatever!
- 509. I think I'm allergic to this purple.
- 510. So I'm like, "Well, I'm going
to Tranquillity Con in Port Mary.
- 511. That's why I'm dressed
like Lieutenant Duster."
- 512. He's all like, "Uh... Port Mary is
frickin' miles away."
- 513. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
- 514. He one-stars me. Like, thanks, Dad.
- 515. - See you back on there.
- 516. Are you guys headed to Tranquillity Con?
- 517. - You're into Sea of Tranquillity?
- 518. I was all set to go.
- 519. My friend, who is there already,
has my costume, but my car broke down.
- 520. Well, there's some space in the RV.
- 521. - Hi.
- 522. - You're a Trank head, huh?
- 523. Trank head. Sea of Tranquillity fan?
- 524. Oh, yeah.
We say Tranksters where I'm from.
- 525. - Who's your favourite character?
- Gotta be Lieutenant Duster.
- 526. - She's awesome.
- 527. He! I misspoke.
- 528. Lieutenant Duster has no fixed gender.
- 529. I know, and that's why
it's so hard to remember, right?
- 530. Excuse me. Gotta get this.
- 531. My friend, at the convention.
- 532. Hi, Nay!
- 533. So, oh, my God,
insane night, but I am so close now.
- 534. Don't come.
- 535. What? No. No. I'm, like, an hour away.
- 536. Don't come. I don't want you here.
- 537. I don't know what is up with you,
but I cannot have a 2.6 at my wedding.
- 538. Oh, no, that's temporary!
- 539. Well, the wedding's today so...
- 540. - But it doesn't change anything.
- 541. - I can still do the same speech.
- 542. - And there's Mr. Rags!
- 543. But... But you invited me.
- 544. You've seen the guest list.
They are all, like, 4.5 or above.
- 545. They are going to freak at a 2.6,
and I am not taking that kind of damage,
- 546. plus I haven't dipped under
a 4.7 in, like, six months.
- 547. You said you wanted your oldest friend.
- 548. When I asked you to speak,
you were a 4.2, okay?
- 549. And the authenticity of a vintage bond
low four at a gathering of this calibre
- 550. played fantastically
on all the stimulations we ran.
- 551. Forecast was a prestige bounce
- 552. But now you're a sub three. Sorry.
- 553. That just puts the stink on things
a little too much.
- 554. That just plays badly for us.
- 555. So it was just about numbers for you?
- 556. Oh, cut the shit!
It was numbers for both of us.
- 557. You wanted those primo votes,
don't deny it.
- 558. It's not like you could get them
on your own. Let's not kid ourselves.
- 559. Oh, I'm... I'm getting those votes.
- 560. What? You're just gonna roll up here
and make people like you?
- 561. - That's right. I'm doing my speech.
- No, you're not.
- 562. Yes, I am. And they are gonna vote me
through the roof when they hear it.
- 563. - Weep their fucking eyes out!
- Go home!
- 564. Hello?
- 565. Fuck!
- 566. I have never seen
your stupid fucking show.
- 567. Hope they cancel it!
- 568. I need a ride!
- 569. Fuck!
- 570. Jesus!
- 571. Hey! Hey!
- 572. Hey!
- 573. - Can I borrow your bike?
- 574. Can I borrow your bike?
- 575. Do you, Naomi Jayne Blestow,
take this man to be your husband,
- 576. to live together with him
in the covenant of marriage?
- 577. To love him, comfort him,
- 578. honour and keep him,
in sickness and in health...
- 579. and forsaking all others,
be faithful unto him...
- 580. To my best mate, Anthony.
Let's hear it for him.
- 581. You've been there from day one.
I love you, man. I appreciate you.
- 582. Hilarious speech, by the way.
By your standards.
- 583. - Pow! Pow! Pow!
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- 584. He's still got a few bullets left.
- 585. Oh, gosh, well, um...
- 586. Shit!
- 587. We have so many people to thank.
Our beautiful bridesmaids.
- 588. But, of course,
- 589. my most heartfelt thanks,
my warmest thanks,
- 590. are to someone who's my best friend,
- 591. my lover and now,
I'm honoured to say, my wife.
- 592. Naomi!
- 593. One, two, three! Naomi!
- 594. The A Team!
- 595. I love you so much, darl.
- 596. Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
- 597. Congratulations, sir.
- 598. - Thank you.
- No, thank you.
- 599. Get over here!
- 600. Get your ass over here.
- 601. Get in here, big boy.
- 602. You're beautiful!
- 603. Yeah! Gimme five! Good choice!
- 604. You fucking earned it, man.
You fucking earned it.
- 605. Everybody, hello!
- 606. - Oh, my God.
- I love you.
- 607. Can everyone be quiet for a moment?
- 608. Thank you.
- 609. - Get rid of her.
- That would play awful.
- 610. She's a fucking 1.1.
- 611. Now for those of you who don't know me,
which is... all of you...
- 612. my name is Lacie Pound
- 613. and, believe it or not,
I am one of Naomi's oldest friends.
- 614. Hi, Nay-Nay!
- 615. It's great to meet you too, Paul.
I've heard a lot about you.
- 616. He's a pretty big deal, that Paul.
- 617. Pretty big deal.
- 618. He makes his own tapenade! Yeah.
- 619. Uh...
- 620. Anyway, um... I...
- 621. have looked up to Naomi
pretty much my entire life.
- 622. We met when we were five years old,
- 623. and right up through to our
teenage years, we made quite the pair.
- 624. We'd talk about all the things
girls talk about,
- 625. you know, boys, hair, products,
uh... more boys.
- 626. I mean, I tried sometimes
to expand our range a little
- 627. and talk about climate change,
but she found that kind of boring so...
- 628. Go on.
- 629. She was probably right.
I mean, fuck the planet, right?
- 630. Whoo!
- 631. Yes, thank you! Come on.
Let's have a little fun here.
- 632. You know, fuck the planet!
- 633. Fuck the planet!
- 634. Anyway...
- 635. I... looked up to Naomi
pretty much my entire life,
- 636. which meant she was looking down on me.
- 637. Always with a smile though.
- 638. In high school,
she was my shoulder to cry on.
- 639. She seemed to enjoy that.
Guys and me never worked out.
- 640. They'd see Naomi and just...
Whoo! You know, that was it.
- 641. She had this tight ass,
- 642. like two fists.
- 643. Uh-huh.
- 644. I was all like...
- 645. I was like...
- 646. through the hallways in high school.
- 647. And she was there for me.
- 648. Holding my hair back...
- 649. as I knelt,
vomiting, in front of the crapper.
- 650. Thank you for that, Naomi.
- 651. I always wished I was you.
- 652. And...
- 653. I guess that's why you kept me around
- 654. Until you got your new job
- 655. and your fancy new friends.
- 656. And that...
- 657. fucking... jackhole!
- 658. And you didn't need me.
You probably got another me.
- 659. Guess there's some other "yeth Beth"
you moved on to like a succubus.
- 660. I'm getting to Mr. Rags, okay? Jesus!
- 661. Stay back.
- 662. Stay the fuck back! I'll kill him!
- 663. I'll cut his head off
and stick it up my ass!
- 664. Time's nearly up!
- 665. - Hey! Calm down.
- 666. I just wanted to say, in this world
so caught up in our own shit,
- 667. - let's not forget what matters.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- 668. Happiness, fucking Paul and Naomi,
- 669. She... She fucked Greg!
- 670. I know she did.
- 671. - I know you did.
- 672. Don't even try to deny—
- 673. The little girl who, when we were
just five-years-old in art camp,
- 674. started talking to me
because she saw I was scared
- 675. and helped me make Mr. Rags.
- 676. He reminds me of you
and what you meant to me then!
- 677. And I'm so honoured to be here
to see this shit!
- 678. I love you, Nay-Nay!
I've always loved you!
- 679. I love you!
- 680. What the fuck are you looking at?
- 681. Just what I was wondering.
- 682. Well...
- 683. Don't!
- 684. Don't? Don't wonder?
- 685. Uh-huh.
- 686. - It would be a dull world without wonder.
- I don't give a shit about your world.
- 687. I don't like your brassiere.
- 688. I don't like your moustache.
- 689. I don't like your aura.
- 690. - My aura?
- 691. I don't like your... head.
- 692. Your entire head is just ridiculous to me.
- 693. Really?
- 694. You look like an alcoholic
- 695. You sound like a lost little lamb
- 696. that just got told there's no Santa Claus.
- 697. What sort of cartoon character
did your mum have to fuck
- 698. to brew you up in the womb?
- 699. At least I look like I was born,
- 700. not shit out by some tormented
cow creature in an underground lab.
- 701. You got tossed out of that lab.
- 702. - Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah, flushed out.
- 703. - Ooh!
- In the trash!
- 704. - Your face is a fucking...
- 705. Fucking biological car crash
- 706. that made Picasso screw his eyes up
- 707. "Well, that just don't make sense."
- 708. - You're a fucking asshole.
- Fuck you!
- 709. - Fuck you next Wednesday.
- Fuck you for Christmas!
- 710. - Fuck you!
- Fuck you!