1. Hey, what's up, bitch?
Get the fuck out
of the car, bitch!Copy !req
2. Get the fuck out of the car!Copy !req
3. You know what time it is,
bitch. Get out the car.Copy !req
4. Fuck!Copy !req
5. Oh, shit!Copy !req
6. Whoo! That's what
I'm talking about!Copy !req
7. We got her, baby!Copy !req
8. The fuck
is that, man?What the fuck
are you talking about?Copy !req
9. Are you
dragging something? No, I didn't
fucking hit anything.Copy !req
10. Man, I don't know.
I hear something. Wait, I hear
that shit, too.Copy !req
11. What the fuck is that?
- All right, man. Well, just...Copy !req
12. What the hell?Copy !req
13. The hell was that?Copy !req
14. Man.
He fucked y'all up.Copy !req
15. Wow!
I mean, God damn.Copy !req
16. Y-Y'all look like you did
10 rounds with Adonis Creed.Copy !req
17. And y'all didn't
see nothing, huh?Copy !req
18. Man, I told y'all,
it was dark.Copy !req
19. He had a mask.
He had body armor and shit.Copy !req
20. Man, the nigga looked like
Batman, all right?Copy !req
21. Batman? LEGO Batman.Copy !req
22. Does that make you
the Joker and the Penguin? Huh?Copy !req
23. Compton Crusader. Damn.Copy !req
24. You know, they already
had a Compton Crusader
up on Hollywood Boulevard,Copy !req
25. posing with tourists
like all those other
bootleg-ass superheroes.Copy !req
26. Yeah, well, people need
heroes, too. Come on.Copy !req
27. They do.Copy !req
28. You know,
whoever this guy isCopy !req
29. has basic knowledge
of tactics, surveillance.Copy !req
30. He hasn't made any mistakes
on this one.Copy !req
31. None. Hmm?Copy !req
32. Well,
well, well.Copy !req
33. Detective!Copy !req
34. Look like you got a little
competition around here.Copy !req
35. Finally got somebody
to keep the people safe.Copy !req
36. You wouldn't know anything
about this, would you, Lloyd?Copy !req
37. I know
about everything.Copy !req
38. I keep my ear to the streets,
but I need my hearing aid.Copy !req
39. Lloyd, please. I don't
walk around with a fifth
of Darby in my purse.Copy !req
40. Can you believe this guy?Copy !req
41. Darby?Copy !req
42. Darby can
kiss my ass.Copy !req
43. Okay.Copy !req
44. No Darby?Copy !req
45. W-Word is
Jesus performed a miracleCopy !req
46. and Lloyd
can't get drunk.Copy !req
47. Probably saved his life.Copy !req
48. He ruined it.
That's what he did.Copy !req
49. Darby was the only friend I had
in times of trouble.Copy !req
50. Now my only friend I got now
is my boy Benjamin.Copy !req
51. Benjamin?Copy !req
52. Yeah, the nigga
that fly that kite.Copy !req
53. For crying out loud.
I can't...Copy !req
54. I got it.
Oh, no, partner.Copy !req
55. Mnh. Sss.Copy !req
56. Think this'll help your hearing
a little better?Copy !req
57. $5?
No, no, no.Copy !req
58. I said "Benjamin",
not "Lincoln".Copy !req
59. That mulatto-ass
son of a bitch ain't
gonna get you nothin'.Copy !req
60. Well, if you
don't want it...
Ah!Copy !req
61. Ehhhh...Copy !req
62. I-I'll take it.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
63. All right.
Y'all ready?Copy !req
64. - Hold on.
- Listen to me.Copy !req
65. All right. This is gonna
blow the case wide-open.Copy !req
66. The Compton Crusader
is...Copy !req
67. an African-American
male.Copy !req
68. Thank you, kindly.
Have a mighty nice day.Copy !req
69. H-Hey! Hey!Copy !req
70. Many believe
that the Compton CrusaderCopy !req
71. is more hero than villain.Copy !req
72. Neighborhood advocates
are concernedCopy !req
73. that innocent residents
may be harmed.Copy !req
74. See, my guess is,Copy !req
75. them Compton Crusaders
ain't packin' no real heat.Copy !req
76. Why you say that? I bet he has
a bunch of guns and ammo.Copy !req
77. No, I'm not talking
about that kinda heat.Copy !req
78. I'm talking about
in the bed.Copy !req
79. I took a psych class.Copy !req
80. And it said that dudes
that like to beat people upCopy !req
81. and wear costumes
are just overcompensatingCopy !req
82. for small genitalia
and erectile issues.Copy !req
83. Look here.Copy !req
84. My — a-and by "my",
I mean —Copy !req
85. I'm pretty certain my man
the Compton Crusader's packageCopy !req
86. is damn big
and hella functional.Copy !req
87. Right, Boonie?Copy !req
88. Nigga, how the hell
should I know?Copy !req
89. I know I'd give
the Crusader a chance.Copy !req
90. I see a fine man in uniform,
and my panties get so humid,Copy !req
91. it's like taking off
a wet suit.Copy !req
92. "Wh-khh! Wh-khh!"Copy !req
93. But what if his stuff
is really small, though?Copy !req
94. Even the small stuff
can get the job done.Copy !req
95. All they got to do
is a little flick,Copy !req
96. and from what I hear
about the Compton Crusader,Copy !req
97. he can flick up in my stuff
any damn time.Copy !req
98. You done?Copy !req
99. Suddenly, I'm not
as hungry as I thought.Copy !req
100. Hey.Copy !req
101. I'll give it a flick.Copy !req
102. So, Ms. Tudi got y'all out there
slanging that low budget, huh?Copy !req
103. Man, I'm so glad I still
ain't out there doing that shit.Copy !req
104. It sure feel good to
kick it with the homie
one more gear, man.Copy !req
105. Shit feel like old times.Copy !req
106. Look at you, man —
you all settled,Copy !req
107. responsible and things,
you know what I'm talkin' about?Copy !req
108. Handling business, got your life
on track and shit.Copy !req
109. Well... I guess
it ain't like old times.Copy !req
110. But it's cool, anyway,
though, pimp.Copy !req
111. Hi.
Sorry it took so long.Copy !req
112. Hey, Jesus!
- What's happenin', pimp?Copy !req
113. - Hi, baby.
- Hi, baby.Copy !req
114. Mwah!Copy !req
115. So, Jesus, now, I know
you know who it is, don't you?Copy !req
116. Who?Copy !req
117. The Compton Crusader.
Come on.Copy !req
118. Girl, I'm Jesus Christ.
Of course I know.Copy !req
119. Baby, look, that ain't
even really, like,
no divine knowledge.Copy !req
120. I mean,
that's right in our face.Copy !req
121. Everybody know
who that is.Copy !req
122. You know who
the Compton Crusader is?Copy !req
123. Yeah.Copy !req
124. Crazy-ass AmBro.Copy !req
125. - AmBro?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
126. AmBro?Copy !req
127. Gun-obsessed,
over-testosteroned,Copy !req
128. always looking
for a fight?Copy !req
129. AmBro that does security
at the apartment complex?Copy !req
130. That AmBro?Copy !req
131. Oh, my God.Copy !req
132. He does
dress like Batman.Copy !req
133. A broke-ass Batman.Copy !req
134. Baby, I didn't even know
you was working that case.Copy !req
135. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just got assigned.Copy !req
136. Wow! AmBro?Copy !req
137. Look, Jesus,
can you handle this?Copy !req
138. Just... make it go away.Copy !req
139. Oh, for sho'!Copy !req
140. I'll go down there,
hollah at him.Copy !req
141. It ain't nothin', girl.
I got this. Thank you!Copy !req
142. You got some weed?Copy !req
143. AmBro!Copy !req
144. What's happenin',
pimp?Copy !req
145. Hey! No drugs
to sell today?Copy !req
146. You scarin'
all the customers offCopy !req
147. with your military tactics
and regimes and things and...Copy !req
148. Hey, why you got to protect
the neighborhood so well, AmBro?Copy !req
149. Uh-huh.Copy !req
150. Hey, look, bruh,Copy !req
151. I know we don't really
know each other that well —Copy !req
152. Well, I know you,
'cause I'm Jesus,Copy !req
153. but I know you don't
really know me like that —Copy !req
154. Look, bruh.Copy !req
155. I don't need to know you
like that, a'ight?Copy !req
156. I don't know what spell
you got over everybody else,Copy !req
157. but bullshit
bounces off my brainCopy !req
158. like greased ass
on rubber sheets.Copy !req
159. Look, bruh,Copy !req
160. I know the military sent you
through hell and back.Copy !req
161. They fucked you up,
but have you ever wondered,Copy !req
162. how did you make it back
and so many others didn't?Copy !req
163. God got your back.Copy !req
164. He lookin' out for you, bruh,
even if you don't know it.Copy !req
165. And that's why I'm here —
to save you from yourselfCopy !req
166. and all this bullshit
you're creatingCopy !req
167. as this Compton Crusader
character.Copy !req
168. Me —
the Compton Crusader?Copy !req
169. No, no, no.Copy !req
170. That's flattering,
and while I do thinkCopy !req
171. that that guy is great
at what he does and everything,Copy !req
172. but, nah,
it ain't me.Copy !req
173. I know, bruh.
I know.Copy !req
174. Look, man,
I know you thinkCopy !req
175. you doin' the right thing
and all,Copy !req
176. but stay in your lane,
man.Copy !req
177. This ain't
your purpose.Copy !req
178. And I sayeth
there ain't no Lord,Copy !req
179. so vengeance is mines.Copy !req
180. I don't care
what you sayeth.Copy !req
181. Where it at? Where it at?
Throw this stuff up in here!Copy !req
182. Man #2:
Look over there, man!Copy !req
183. Where's the drugs?Copy !req
184. Hurry up!Copy !req
185. You won't believe the shit
that just happened here.Copy !req
186. Oh, Lord, Jesus!Copy !req
187. Unh!Copy !req
188. "Jesus," my ass.Copy !req
189. What up, pimp?Copy !req
190. Where you get
your sunglasses at?Copy !req
191. I know
exactly who you are.Copy !req
192. Ms.
Come on. That ain't real.Copy !req
193. This is real, Ms. Emma.
I took the picture.Copy !req
194. I saw this happen.
- Look, I told you.Copy !req
195. What probably happened is
that boy got ahold of some weedCopy !req
196. that was laced with some PCP
or some shit.Copy !req
197. You know that shit
make you feel superstrongCopy !req
198. and you can't feel no pain.
- I don't know, man.Copy !req
199. We know dudes
who are into hard drugs,Copy !req
200. and he doesn't seem like
that kind of guy.Copy !req
201. You don't believe in Jesus,
Ms. Emma?Copy !req
202. I only believe
in some money in my pocketCopy !req
203. and for something hard
in bed...Copy !req
204. to chew on.Copy !req
205. Mmm!
- Damn, woman!Copy !req
206. Would you please stop
talking about your sexual needsCopy !req
207. around people food?Copy !req
208. Now, anyway, I will
agree with you on this —Copy !req
209. this dude is not
the son of God.Copy !req
210. But what if he's a son
from another planet?Copy !req
211. You mean like an alien?
Like E.T.?Copy !req
212. No!Copy !req
213. His fingers
are too short,Copy !req
214. and they don't light up
at the tip.Copy !req
215. I'm saying
this fake-ass JesusCopy !req
216. might be Superman
in disguise.Copy !req
217. Superman?Copy !req
218. Okay, AmBro.
I'm gon' go with PCP.Copy !req
219. Oh!Copy !req
220. Black Batman!
Look out!Copy !req
221. Holy nick of time,
Batman!Copy !req
222. I've come to save
your black ass!Copy !req
223. Submit to the will
of your lord and master.Copy !req
224. Nooooooooo!Copy !req
225. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
226. AmBro! Don't sneak up
on an old black man like that.Copy !req
227. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
228. Hey, I'm gonna need
to disappear for a while.Copy !req
229. What's wrong, AmBro?Copy !req
230. There are some things
happening — crazy things.Copy !req
231. Like what, AmBro?Copy !req
232. Jesus.Copy !req
233. You know he's not
who he says he is, right?Copy !req
234. - Jesus isn't Jesus?
- No, of course not!Copy !req
235. You don't seriously believe
he's Jesus, do ya?Copy !req
236. Yeah.
Who else can he be?Copy !req
237. I'm serious, Lloyd.Copy !req
238. I've seen him do things —
crazy things.Copy !req
239. Yeah,
because he Jesus.Copy !req
240. I'm serious, man!Copy !req
241. I'm confused.Copy !req
242. Look at this.Copy !req
243. - Yeah, that's Jesus.
- Yeah.Copy !req
244. Don't you see what this is?
It's proof of aliens.Copy !req
245. You think
Jesus is an alien?Copy !req
246. Yes! From Krypton!Copy !req
247. I've heard a lot of shit
in my day...Copy !req
248. There's no other
explanation.Copy !req
249. Yes, it is!Copy !req
250. He's Jesus.Copy !req
251. Ooh! Goodness.Copy !req
252. I saw him
lift a car, Lloyd.Copy !req
253. A car!
By himself!Copy !req
254. What kind of stuff
is that?Copy !req
255. I'm not crazy!Copy !req
256. - So?
- "So"?Copy !req
257. Someone with that kind of power
is too dangerous to live.Copy !req
258. Jesus isn't dangerous.Copy !req
259. He's just a meddling
goody-two-shoe, divine beingCopy !req
260. who ruin lives
'cause he wanna heal everybody.Copy !req
261. Everybody don't wanna
be healed!Copy !req
262. Okay, but what if he decides
to turn against us?Copy !req
263. What if he decides
to use that power for evil?Copy !req
264. If there's even just a 1% chance
of that happening,Copy !req
265. then we got to kill him!Copy !req
266. - Kill Jesus?
- Yeah!Copy !req
267. You probably not the only person
who's had that brilliant idea.Copy !req
268. Your job is to keep
this building secure.Copy !req
269. I'm sorry, Lloyd.Copy !req
270. Time to do
my own thing.Copy !req
271. Everybody know
it's you, AmBro.Copy !req
272. You got
responsibilities here!Copy !req
273. Wow.Copy !req
274. That's some sober shit
for me to say that time.Copy !req
275. "You got
some responsibilities here."Copy !req
276. "You got responsibility here."Copy !req
277. I can't wait anymore,
Jesus.Copy !req
278. Yeah. This is clearly
the sign of a disturbed mind.Copy !req
279. Can't believe I got to
write a report on this.Copy !req
280. Dianne, look, I just need
a little more time.Copy !req
281. I promise I'm-a get it right.
I got it.Copy !req
282. "More time"? No.Copy !req
283. The man is going to
kill somebody soon,Copy !req
284. and that's going to be
on me and you, huh?Copy !req
285. If you can't stop him,
I'm gonna have to.Copy !req
286. Yo lo entiende
que hacer.Copy !req
287. He's a good dude.Copy !req
288. He just didn't get
the psychological helpCopy !req
289. he needed after the war.Copy !req
290. I mean,
his is the storyCopy !req
291. of so many underserved veterans
in this country.Copy !req
292. You know that, Dianne!Copy !req
293. I try my best to help out,
but it's like —Copy !req
294. it's like
he's scared of me.Copy !req
295. Dude don't even believe
I'm Jesus.Copy !req
296. And who's he think
you are, huh? Superman?Copy !req
297. Superman.Copy !req
298. iPerfecto!Copy !req
299. ¿Qué?Copy !req
300. Can we get a paramedic over here
for this guy?Copy !req
301. Jesus.Copy !req
302. Next time,
bring your sister, man.Copy !req
303. You know I always give her
something extra.Copy !req
304. Yeah.Copy !req
305. ♪ BoonieCopy !req
306. AmBro?Copy !req
307. AmBro, is that you?Copy !req
308. No. It's not.Copy !req
309. I don't know
who you're talking about.Copy !req
310. Man,
it's obviously you.Copy !req
311. Hey, man, don't be
coming over here with
that crazy, man.Copy !req
312. I'm just selling my weed.
I ain't messing with nobody.Copy !req
313. Man, don't come over here
fucking with me.Copy !req
314. It's not the weed,
Boonie.Copy !req
315. It's him.Copy !req
316. You think I'm playin'.Copy !req
317. Look, you better
get your ass away from meCopy !req
318. 'fore I shoot
your crazy ass!Copy !req
319. You know the truth.
He's got to be stopped, Boonie.Copy !req
320. Nigga, what is
you talkin' about?Copy !req
321. Nigga, what the —Copy !req
322. Now, if I'm right,Copy !req
323. your savior should be here
right about...Copy !req
324. Black Jesus: AmBro!Copy !req
325. Jesus! Get this crazy nigga
up off me!Copy !req
326. Boonie,
be quiet, man.Copy !req
327. AmBro, I'm not an alien
from outer space, man.Copy !req
328. It's your boy!Copy !req
329. I know what —Copy !req
330. I know what I saw!Copy !req
331. They can call me crazy
all they want,Copy !req
332. but I know what I saw!Copy !req
333. I'm not crazy!Copy !req
334. Crazy people
always say that, AmBro.Copy !req
335. - Boonie, stop! Please!Copy !req
336. AmBro, AmBro, bud.
You're not crazy, dawg.Copy !req
337. I'm Jesus Christ,
the son of God.Copy !req
338. You're no God.Copy !req
339. You're just a Negro
with silky hair from Krypton!Copy !req
340. And this...Copy !req
341. a little thing
I invented in my laboratory,Copy !req
342. called the Krypto-Star.Copy !req
343. Hey, this nigga
got a laboratory?Copy !req
344. Real stars
dipped in kryptonite.Copy !req
345. Where do niggas
get kryptonite from?Copy !req
346. From a website called
This Is Real Kryptonite.Copy !req
347. Of course.Copy !req
348. This thing is guaranteed
to seal your fate.Copy !req
349. Prepare to die,
Superman!Copy !req
350. Hey! Fuck him up,
Jesus!Copy !req
351. Come on, man!
Give him that holy beatdown!Copy !req
352. Kick him with
that hard-ass foot, Jesus!Copy !req
353. Toss his salad,
Jesus!Copy !req
354. Get your little ass off me!Copy !req
355. I knew it.Copy !req
356. I knew it!Copy !req
357. AmBro, you are right.Copy !req
358. I am...Copy !req
359. Black Superman.Copy !req
360. Jesus Christ is
my mild-mannered alter-ego.Copy !req
361. I mean no harm
to the people of Earth.Copy !req
362. I knew it.Copy !req
363. I knew I wasn't crazy.Copy !req
364. So, you see,
we on the same side.Copy !req
365. We all got to have
our secret identities.Copy !req
366. I knew it. Wow!Copy !req
367. O-Okay. Okay.
I'm just glad I'm not crazy.Copy !req
368. No, bruh, you not crazy,
but you do need some help.Copy !req
369. You been through
a whole lot, AmBro,Copy !req
370. but right now, I'm gonna need
the Compton CrusaderCopy !req
371. to disappear
for a little while —Copy !req
372. you know,
'til this thing blows over.Copy !req
373. You feel me?
- Got it.Copy !req
374. Yo, but when the
Compton Crusader comes back,Copy !req
375. we need to team up.Copy !req
376. We could be like
the 'hood Justice League, man.Copy !req
377. We'll run this shit.Copy !req
378. But remember
those secret identities.
Shh!Copy !req
379. This spot is piping-hot
right now, man,Copy !req
380. so we got to lay low
while you go get
some super-therapy.Copy !req
381. Got it, got it —
lay low, super-therapy.Copy !req
382. All right.Copy !req
383. Then we send
our message.Copy !req
384. I like the way you think!Copy !req
385. Sorry, Boonie.Copy !req
386. Crusader — out.Copy !req
387. Hey, so, uh, should I call you
"Jesus" or "Superman"?Copy !req
388. Come on, man.Copy !req
389. Let's get back on this corner
and peddle this weedCopy !req
390. 'fore your mama
kick your ass.Copy !req