1. Man, I tell you,
Pops outdid himselfCopy !req
2. when He created catfish.Copy !req
3. I mean, some people refer
to them as bottom-feeders,Copy !req
4. but I refer to them
as down-bottom delicacy.Copy !req
5. Mmm, mmm, mmm!Copy !req
6. Hey, all I know is
His arch rival LuciferCopy !req
7. outdid hisself with this
"That Damn Devil" hot sauce.Copy !req
8. He — he came up with this,
babe. Boom.Copy !req
9. You do know that's just
a company and a mascot, right?Copy !req
10. I mean, "That Damn Devil"
ain't makin' no hot sauce.Copy !req
11. It was made with plants created
by Pops on the fifth day.Copy !req
12. All I know is this is the most
delicious, hottest sauce ever.Copy !req
13. And you can't find it
everywhere.Copy !req
14. That's why a nigga
keeps his own bottle with him.Copy !req
15. - Exclusive.Copy !req
16. Boy, is it.Copy !req
17. Hey, you notice Lloyd
been acting funny lately?Copy !req
18. Oh, he's just mad 'cause
he can't get drunk no more.Copy !req
19. I told him
it wasn't even on me.Copy !req
20. Over there mad-doggin'
and stuff.Copy !req
21. He know I still love his ass.
Ain't that right, Lloyd?Copy !req
22. Did my ex-Lord
and no-longer-my-saviorCopy !req
23. say something?Copy !req
24. Oh! Boon! My P.O.Copy !req
25. You got Shalinka's keys?Copy !req
26. - Oh, yeah. I'm on it.
- Come on, come on!Copy !req
27. I got to go!
I got to go!Copy !req
28. Oh. Hold up.Copy !req
29. Hey. Where that Devil?Copy !req
30. I don't know. I think
you put it in your pocket.Copy !req
31. Probably fell out
them baggy-assCopy !req
32. track pants you got on.
Heh, heh.Copy !req
33. Come on, Boon!
We gonna be late, dawg! Come on!Copy !req
34. Damn.Copy !req
35. Why you wearin'
track pants, anyway?Copy !req
36. That's for runnin' niggas,
not no damn wobblin'-ass niggas.Copy !req
37. Heh, heh, heh.Copy !req
38. Mmm!Copy !req
39. Man. That Damn Devil
ain't shit.Copy !req
40. Ah. It's all right.Copy !req
41. I am here
to make a difference.Copy !req
42. To help people.Copy !req
43. I can make a difference.Copy !req
44. My job is a privilege,Copy !req
45. and I am so grateful
for my profession.Copy !req
46. People pray every day
to have a job like mine.Copy !req
47. Today's gonna be a good day.Copy !req
48. Man, you just
a punk-ass P.O.Copy !req
49. You violatin' me? Why?Copy !req
50. The assault charge.Copy !req
51. I know where you
and your boy band live, bitch.Copy !req
52. - Where do I live?
- 112 North Roscoe.Copy !req
53. Okay, that's —
that's where I live.Copy !req
54. You tested positive for...Copy !req
55. everything.Copy !req
56. I... have...Copy !req
57. AIDS?Copy !req
58. I — No.
Or I don't know.Copy !req
59. How did I get AIDS?Copy !req
60. Fuck this list!
"Think positive" bullshit.Copy !req
61. Who the fuck decides
to be a parole office, anyway,Copy !req
62. you fucking nerd?Copy !req
63. You ain't even a real cop,
homey.Copy !req
64. Hope you choke on a bowl of
dicks and die, motherfucker.Copy !req
65. Okay. Well,
thank you for the feedback.Copy !req
66. Fuck you.Copy !req
67. Oh, God.Copy !req
68. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
69. You called?Copy !req
70. Uh, no. I didn't.
Uh...Copy !req
71. Are you smoking?
No, um... never mind.Copy !req
72. Uh, please.
Please, take a seat.Copy !req
73. Um, Mister, uh...?Copy !req
74. Christ.
As in Jesus Christ.Copy !req
75. But you can call me Jee,Copy !req
76. big dawg in the robe,
the light supreme,Copy !req
77. Mister Turn-One-Fish-Into-5,000-
And-Feed-A-Whole-Family.Copy !req
78. It don't even matter
what you call me,Copy !req
79. just as long as you call me.
And you just did.Copy !req
80. What's happening, pimp?Copy !req
81. Well, gee... zus.Copy !req
82. Um... my name's Tyler.Copy !req
83. Praise be to you.
Um...Copy !req
84. Let me find your file.
- Hey, look, look.Copy !req
85. How about we put that on hold
and we talk about your file?Copy !req
86. My file?Copy !req
87. Man, I know somebody
got that shit, man.Copy !req
88. Nothing got turned in.Copy !req
89. That phone's not coming back,
Boonie.Copy !req
90. Damn.
I liked that phone, man.Copy !req
91. That was the Kuba Flip 4.Copy !req
92. I can't figure out nothing
after the Kuba Flip 4.Copy !req
93. Psh, eBay.
Here.Copy !req
94. Look.Copy !req
95. That's my phone!Copy !req
96. Oh, yeah. They got a bunch
of Kuba Flip 4's on here.Copy !req
97. Nah, look what I'm saying.
That's my actual phone.Copy !req
98. Look.
That's my wallpaper.Copy !req
99. Is that a bottle
of Darby?Copy !req
100. Lloyd!Copy !req
101. and I keep reaching out,
but it —Copy !req
102. it feels like
no one's listening.Copy !req
103. Like this last guy, okay,
he wanted me to choke to deathCopy !req
104. on a bowl of dicks.Copy !req
105. Some people need more
motivation, man.Copy !req
106. But at the end of the day,
all that countsCopy !req
107. is what's in your heart.Copy !req
108. And as long as that's right,
Pops is with you.Copy !req
109. He riding with you,
and he gonna lead your way.Copy !req
110. But, uh,
this New Compton Gardens,Copy !req
111. at this number, that's the best
place to reach you?Copy !req
112. That's the homeboy Boonie.Copy !req
113. Call that number any time.
I'm always with Boone.Copy !req
114. He know how
to get ahold of your boy.Copy !req
115. So, uh, Jesus has a son
named Boonie?Copy !req
116. No!
No kids for Jesus.Copy !req
117. Naw,
Pops would kill me... again.Copy !req
118. And, for real, that wasn't
no fun the first time, pimp.Copy !req
119. How 'bout we just say this —
next time, fuck that kiosk.Copy !req
120. I'm just gonna come up in here
and holla at you.Copy !req
121. Cool?Copy !req
122. All right.Copy !req
123. Ooh! Okay.Copy !req
124. Hey, Louis! What's up, pimp?Copy !req
125. Hey, you better get that
cholesterol downCopy !req
126. or you gonna die, dawg!Copy !req
127. Damn, fool!Copy !req
128. - Huh?
- Hey fuck you!Copy !req
129. Christ lives matter,
motherfucker.Copy !req
130. Ohh, man.Copy !req
131. I shoulda known.
I shoulda known.Copy !req
132. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm.Copy !req
133. Yep.Copy !req
134. Oh, this fool here...Copy !req
135. He's stealing stuff!Copy !req
136. Man, what the hell?Copy !req
137. What's this? This...Copy !req
138. Oh, this motherfucker
This mother...Copy !req
139. Tyler!Copy !req
140. What's happening, pimp?Copy !req
141. I mean, that's a dedicated
P.O. right there,Copy !req
142. you know
what I'm talkin' about?Copy !req
143. The boy making house calls
and things.Copy !req
144. Hey, so to what do I owe
the honor, pimp?Copy !req
145. Uh, look...Copy !req
146. I believe you.Copy !req
147. What you talking about,
pimp?Copy !req
148. I believe you're Jesus.Copy !req
149. I-I-I saw you get hit
by that carCopy !req
150. when you were leaving
the office.Copy !req
151. Oh, snap!
You saw that, huh?Copy !req
152. - Yeah.
- You saw that, right?Copy !req
153. - Yeah.
- Pops is dope, right?Copy !req
154. Yeah, I...Copy !req
155. Actually, I kind of feel
like this changesCopy !req
156. the course
of my life forever.Copy !req
157. It does, home-bolio!Copy !req
158. And your afterlife,
too, pimp.Copy !req
159. This here is cause
for celebration.Copy !req
160. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
161. Smoke yours, man.
You got some weed?Copy !req
162. Oh, no. Uh, not, uh —
not on me. I'm at work.Copy !req
163. - You got some cash?
- Yeah. Yeah, I got cash.Copy !req
164. Come on.
Let's get some weed.Copy !req
165. Uh, okay.Copy !req
166. Are you sure
this is all right?Copy !req
167. Like, just socializing
with your clients like this?Copy !req
168. Who knows?Copy !req
169. It's fine. Uh...
I don't know.Copy !req
170. I just...
I really want you to meet him.Copy !req
171. Okay.Copy !req
172. Okay. I just...Copy !req
173. I'm still wrapping
my head around this.Copy !req
174. But I love you,
and if it's important to you,Copy !req
175. then I want to explore
it with you. Thank you, sweetie.Copy !req
176. - Okay?
- Mm-hmm. Okay.Copy !req
177. Oh. I'll get it.Copy !req
178. - Cassandra! So nice to —Copy !req
179. - Oh...
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
180. - So nice to meet you!
- Yeah.Copy !req
181. Well, I already know you,
'cause I am Jesus, you dig?Copy !req
182. Tyler, what's happening?Copy !req
183. I see you up in here
living like a boss, pimp.Copy !req
184. Come here. Give it to me.
- Okay.Copy !req
185. - Give it to me.
- Oh-kay! Oh, yeah.Copy !req
186. What's up?
How you been, playboy?Copy !req
187. I'm good. Right, hon?Copy !req
188. - Yeah.Copy !req
189. The Kuba people
of the Congo!Copy !req
190. That one is sweet.Copy !req
191. You got so many
dope African artifactsCopy !req
192. and souvenirs in here —Copy !req
193. Ooh, I really dig thatCopy !req
194. from all your
travels to our Africa.Copy !req
195. 'Cause I know you went down
there, and you fed the hungry,Copy !req
196. you dig, and you also helped
feed and clotheCopy !req
197. the homeless brothers
and sisters down there.Copy !req
198. I really appreciate that.
Girl, give me some.Copy !req
199. Give me some. Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
200. And that's why I knew you
wouldn't trip if I broughtCopy !req
201. one of my poor,
unfed partners with meCopy !req
202. to celebrate
this occasion with us.Copy !req
203. Tyler, Cassandra,
this is Boonie.Copy !req
204. Boonie, this is my parole
officer, Tyler,Copy !req
205. and his girl, Cassandra,
who's really into theCopy !req
206. whole Africa,
feed-the-world thing.Copy !req
207. Good lady.
- Anyway, hey. What's up.Copy !req
208. Can you point me
to the bathroom?Copy !req
209. 'Cause I got to take
a shit real bad.Copy !req
210. I mean, I know we just met,
and I hate to walk right upCopy !req
211. into your house
and hit you with this bad newsCopy !req
212. about tearing up
your bathroom,Copy !req
213. but you know how it is.
You know.Copy !req
214. Unless Jesus can make the shit
go away for a couple of hours,Copy !req
215. then I don't have
to use they bathroom?Copy !req
216. That's on Pops.Copy !req
217. Nope.
I still got to shit.Copy !req
218. How long
has he been in there?Copy !req
219. Is he ever coming out?Copy !req
220. Boonie's a big-ass man.Copy !req
221. I mean,
big man mean big turds.Copy !req
222. Plus, his diet
is all messed up.Copy !req
223. He been eating
a lot of fish sandwichesCopy !req
224. and gummy worms lately.Copy !req
225. That can't come out easy.Copy !req
226. Boy, hey.Copy !req
227. Well, y'all bathroom
like a damn resort.Copy !req
228. I couldn't just throw
these back onCopy !req
229. and contaminate a clean ass
with some dirty drawers.Copy !req
230. Can I — Can I put these
in your washer? Ours is broke.Copy !req
231. Damn. Y'all got
a lot of African shit.Copy !req
232. Well, I lived in Nairobi
for two years,Copy !req
233. and I have such a strong
interest in the culture.Copy !req
234. So — so we have
all this stuff.Copy !req
235. Hey, so tell me something —
Does Africa stink?Copy !req
236. I'm just saying,
like, I always imagined AfricaCopy !req
237. to be mustier
than a motherfucker.Copy !req
238. That is really offensive.
Africa is so beautiful.Copy !req
239. Oh, well, you know,
you can have it if you want it.Copy !req
240. Motherfucker like me,
I need some pavementCopy !req
241. to walk on
you know?Copy !req
242. I can't — I can't fuck
with all that dirtCopy !req
243. and monkey shit.Copy !req
244. Hey, Tyler, I think it's cool
that your girlCopy !req
245. is into the negroid arts.Copy !req
246. You know, she gonna help me
find a white bitch.Copy !req
247. White bitches
don't stress you outCopy !req
248. like Black women, you know?Copy !req
249. Man, you ever had
any Black pussy?Copy !req
250. Uh...Copy !req
251. I — Well, I-I —
I have, um, datedCopy !req
252. an African-American woman
before.Copy !req
253. Hey, so look,
which one you likeCopy !req
254. going down on?
Them or white bitches?Copy !req
255. You know, 'cause I'm just
trying to figure it out,Copy !req
256. 'cause let me tell you,
them white bitches,Copy !req
257. they throw it back at you.Copy !req
258. Right in your mouth.Copy !req
259. What the fuck
is your problem?Copy !req
260. Can you please stop saying
the word "white bitch"?Copy !req
261. Uh, Caucasian bitch.Copy !req
262. - Just stop saying "bitch."Copy !req
263. You know what, Cassandra,
I don't like that word, either.Copy !req
264. Don't like it.
Really don't.Copy !req
265. It's actually deplorable.
- Oh.Copy !req
266. Well, you didn't seem
to have a problem with itCopy !req
267. when he said it about 18 times
in the last 31 seconds, so...Copy !req
268. I'm Jesus. I hear that type
of language all the time.Copy !req
269. Don't phase me, though.Copy !req
270. Oh, so blatant sexism
doesn't phase you?Copy !req
271. Saying an entire continent of
people stink doesn't phase you.Copy !req
272. You're supposed to be Jesus,
and you hang outCopy !req
273. with lowlifes like this?Copy !req
274. Exactly!Copy !req
275. Much love, brother.Copy !req
276. Good folks right here.
Good people.Copy !req
277. I'm finna just go ahead
and roll this blunt.Copy !req
278. Ooh, twist a fat one.Copy !req
279. You are a disgusting,
contemptible,Copy !req
280. deplorable, racist,
misogynist piece of human filth.Copy !req
281. Do you say that because
I'm Black or —Copy !req
282. Tyler, I want these people
the fuck out of my house!Copy !req
283. - So no white bitches?
- Go!Copy !req
284. Okay, Cassandra.
God bless y'all.Copy !req
285. You got a beautiful home,
though.Copy !req
286. No, no, no!Copy !req
287. My ill-gotten gains
are gone!Copy !req
288. No! Oh, boy.Copy !req
289. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
290. Thou shalt not steal,
Lloyd.Copy !req
291. You mean the way you stole the
joy of my drunken inebriation?Copy !req
292. Huh? Lookit, Jesus.
Look at this.Copy !req
293. Look at this.Copy !req
294. No buzz.
I can drink all I want.Copy !req
295. And that little petty-ass
thievery for re-sale,Copy !req
296. at least I felt I was trying
to do something for people.Copy !req
297. And my eBay
merchant ratings,Copy !req
298. oh, it's really
gonna eat shit.Copy !req
299. Eat shit!
Eat shit!Copy !req
300. You know what that means?
Eat shit!Copy !req
301. Eat shit, Jesus!Copy !req
302. Eat shit!Copy !req
303. So his grimy ass
was flipping it all on eBayCopy !req
304. and making a killing.
That's messed up.Copy !req
305. My stupid ass
out here stealing rims.Copy !req
306. This must be where
the money really is.Copy !req
307. If dumb, drunk Lloyd can do it,
I can.Copy !req
308. So, what you
gonna do with it?Copy !req
309. Uh...
finders, keepers.Copy !req
310. Hey, you want a jPad?Copy !req
311. Oh.Copy !req
312. Aren't you going to work?
Do you need to take a shower?Copy !req
313. I was just thinking, um...Copy !req
314. Maybe that job isn't for me.Copy !req
315. Is this about
your "hood" Jesus?Copy !req
316. What the fuck
is your problem?Copy !req
317. Of all the made-up Jesuses,
you had to findCopy !req
318. the most fucked up
one of all.Copy !req
319. And where's the proof, huh?
I didn't see any miracles.Copy !req
320. He is not a fake.Copy !req
321. And you know what, maybe —
maybe you are racist.Copy !req
322. Huh?
Denying the Black son of God?Copy !req
323. You know what, I'm not gonna
force this on you any more.Copy !req
324. I will explore it
on my own.Copy !req
325. I know what I saw.Copy !req
326. I saw a miracle!Copy !req
327. Fellas.Copy !req
328. Hey, Jesus,
the white boy here, man.Copy !req
329. Hey, uh, I would offer you
something,Copy !req
330. but we don't have things
like food.Copy !req
331. Uh, you want a jPad?Copy !req
332. - Uh, yeah. Sure thing.
- All right.Copy !req
333. Last night was, uh, fun.Copy !req
334. But did Cassandra
have a good time, though?Copy !req
335. Hey, she a solid
young lady, man.Copy !req
336. You better keep her
on your team.Copy !req
337. Plus, she know all about
the motherland.Copy !req
338. Yeah. Um...
matter of fact,Copy !req
339. I might need
to crash here a few nights,Copy !req
340. if that's all right
with you guys.Copy !req
341. Oh, man, for sure.Copy !req
342. You already know, man,
that's nothing, man.Copy !req
343. Check it out.
It be like that sometimes.Copy !req
344. Look,
mi casa es su casa.Copy !req
345. Well,
Boonie casa is su casa.Copy !req
346. You get it, pimp.Copy !req
347. Uh...Copy !req
348. Listen, Jesus.Copy !req
349. I was thinking, and...Copy !req
350. I'm ready to commit.Copy !req
351. To — To this.
To you.Copy !req
352. I want to love life, too.Copy !req
353. That's what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
354. Well, let's find it,
then, pimp!Copy !req
355. Hey, look, me and Boonie was
just about to go to the storeCopy !req
356. to get some more blunts
and libations.Copy !req
357. Man, we about to light
this motherfucker up!Copy !req
358. Smoke! Take it in.Copy !req
359. Feel God's love
all through your lungs.Copy !req
360. Breathe in love.
Breathe out the hate.Copy !req
361. Feel it. Hit it.Copy !req
362. You feel God's love?Copy !req
363. Pass me my shit, man.
You holdin' it too long.Copy !req
364. Sorry.Copy !req
365. - Morning, pimp!Copy !req
366. - What's happenin'?Copy !req
367. Morning.Copy !req
368. I had this dream
we were dodging gunshotsCopy !req
369. in a car chase
with the cops.Copy !req
370. For some reason,
they only let us goCopy !req
371. after they took my pants.Copy !req
372. Them cops, they really dug
them trousers, dawg.Copy !req
373. I'm telling you, pimp,Copy !req
374. this life ain't
for everybody.Copy !req
375. But we did get to save
some souls last night —Copy !req
376. Yes, we did —
in a major way.Copy !req
377. Hey, new guy!
Feel like making a coffee run?Copy !req
378. You stole my jPad,
fucker.Copy !req
379. What? Whoa! I did not!Copy !req
380. Get him!Copy !req
381. Stop! Stop!
I'm sorry!Copy !req
382. Jesus!Copy !req
383. Why did you guys give me
a stolen jPad?Copy !req
384. That "find my phone" app
nearly cost me my life.Copy !req
385. Man, you just scared
this condom off me.Copy !req
386. And I didn't steal it!Copy !req
387. I-I got the stash of the person
who did steal it.Copy !req
388. And where's my coffee?Copy !req
389. Coffee? No. No, no, no, no, no.
This is crazy.Copy !req
390. I-I don't get it.
Why do you guys do this?Copy !req
391. What is the point?Copy !req
392. We ask ourselves that
all the time.Copy !req
393. But it's supposed
to pay off one day.Copy !req
394. And it will.
It paid off for Fish.Copy !req
395. It paid off for Maggie.
It paid off for Trayvon.Copy !req
396. They all went on
to better lives through me.Copy !req
397. It pays every day
for eternityCopy !req
398. to stay down with your
Heavenly Father, pimp.Copy !req
399. Basically,
when you're dead.Copy !req
400. I can't wait that long.Copy !req
401. Tyler, Pops works through us all
in mysterious ways.Copy !req
402. And, by the way,
He told me He already gave youCopy !req
403. the tools it takes
to be great at that jobCopy !req
404. and change the world.Copy !req
405. All you got to do
is trust your instincts.Copy !req
406. Baby, if the Black Jesus
has helped you seeCopy !req
407. that you can make a real
difference at your job, then...Copy !req
408. I guess I was wrong
about him.Copy !req
409. Meghann, send in my first.Copy !req
410. Hey, hey.
Hold up, cuz.Copy !req
411. Let me at him real quick.Copy !req
412. Hey, Tyler.Copy !req
413. I was all wrong, homey.Copy !req
414. All that
"think positive" nonsenseCopy !req
415. landed my Black ass
a job, homey.Copy !req
416. It did?Copy !req
417. That's great!Copy !req
418. Uh, what are —
what are you doing?Copy !req
419. Beating up motherfuckers
at the Glam Gam Bikini BarCopy !req
420. if they fuck
with the girls.Copy !req
421. Bitches really
appreciate my ass now.Copy !req
422. 'Cause of your ass!Copy !req
423. Hey, come here, homey.Copy !req
424. Hey.Copy !req
425. You see this white —Copy !req
426. this dude right here?Copy !req
427. Listen to him.
He'll set you straight.Copy !req
428. All right.Copy !req
429. You're still
a fucking nerd.Copy !req
430. Thanks, Jesus.Copy !req
431. The name's Jesus.Copy !req