1. Aw, yeah!Copy !req
2. Wake your
punk asses up.Copy !req
3. Let's go, y'all. It's time
to go spread the Good Word.Copy !req
4. Pops was real specific
when he spit that shit, dawg.Copy !req
5. He wanted us to cut the
bullshit, make some legit breadCopy !req
6. and get out here
and spread the Word.Copy !req
7. And the first step to spreading
the Word is getting out hereCopy !req
8. and finding people
who want to hear the Word, pimp.Copy !req
9. Man, niggas got other shit to doCopy !req
10. than going to church
all day, though, Jee.Copy !req
11. Ah, but we in
the big leagues now, Fish.Copy !req
12. Think about it—Copy !req
13. you got to scope out
the competition to see howCopy !req
14. they getting down, right?
So we gonna go check outCopy !req
15. that bangin'-ass church
on the corner.Copy !req
16. You know the one
I'm talking about. Oh, man,Copy !req
17. that church on the corner,
man, they got a lotCopy !req
18. of weird stuff
going on down there.Copy !req
19. That's Vic's
uncle church, man.Copy !req
20. The one who had
the teeth reduction.Copy !req
21. You can't judge the man
by his nephew.Copy !req
22. He might be a good dude.Copy !req
23. Now, we need to find
Jason and Tray,Copy !req
24. and we going to church.Copy !req
25. ♪ Amazing graceCopy !req
26. Amen!Copy !req
27. Amen. All right,Copy !req
28. y'all have a seat, now.Copy !req
29. Now, you know...Copy !req
30. last Sunday a sister stopped me.Copy !req
31. She said, "Reverend, MEN: What'd she say?Copy !req
32. "I can't give to Jesus,Copy !req
33. I'm short on rent." I said,
"You got it all backwards.Copy !req
34. You're short on rent because
you can't pay Jesus."Amen!Copy !req
35. Don't pay your bills first,Copy !req
36. pay Jesus first.Copy !req
37. Then maybe you'd be able
to pay them bills.Copy !req
38. Nigga said,Copy !req
39. "I got to pay
for my diabetes medicine.Copy !req
40. I said,
"If youCopy !req
41. paid Jesus, maybe you wouldn't
have diabetes, nigga."Copy !req
42. Then you drag your
ingrate asses in this churchCopy !req
43. and come with that,
"Here, Jesus, uh,Copy !req
44. "take this little ol'
bullshit ten percentCopy !req
45. I got left over
from the week."Copy !req
46. And you got the nerve to wonder
why your life sucks,Copy !req
47. why you ain't
got shit. Amen!Copy !req
48. Keep your ol' funky,
bullshit ten percent.Copy !req
49. That's a tip!Copy !req
50. Jesus don't want no tip—
Jesus want it all!Copy !req
51. I didn't... I didn't say that.Copy !req
52. He gave you
all his love,Copy !req
53. gave you all
his divine grace,Copy !req
54. gave you all his salvation. Glory, glory!Copy !req
55. And he deserves all your money.Copy !req
56. [congregation exclaiming,
applauding]There you go, man.Copy !req
57. Damn, brah.
I feel terribleCopy !req
58. I've been holding out on you
like that, man.Copy !req
59. Here you go— two dollars and
three cent, you can have it.Copy !req
60. Man, that's some bullshit.
That dude's speakingCopy !req
61. with the devil's tongue,
man. He tryingCopy !req
62. to rip all these
poor people off.Copy !req
63. I hate this shit. REV.
That time you lost your wallet?Copy !req
64. That was Jesus
getting his money. Ow.Copy !req
65. Jesus ain't supposed
to elbow niggas that hard. That child support?Copy !req
66. Shh! Jesus
took that.Copy !req
67. Bitch, sit
the down. The funny thing is...Copy !req
68. That mysterious
parking ticket?Copy !req
69. That wasn't the city.No, it wasn't.Copy !req
70. That was Jesus
taking what's his.Copy !req
71. Man, I ain't wrote a
ticket in my life, man.Copy !req
72. This dude is some... with
some piracy, man. He out hereCopy !req
73. trying to rip folks off,
man. That's real, man.Copy !req
74. REV.
Now, you can'tCopy !req
75. hide money from Jesus.
Cheap bastards.Copy !req
76. Jesus gonna get his
one way or another,Copy !req
77. so you might as well
give it up now.Copy !req
78. Preach!Copy !req
79. Preach! Preach! Preach!Copy !req
80. Hey, yo, Jee,
I don't thinkCopy !req
81. this the place God
wants us to be, man.Copy !req
82. Nah, Fish. This is exactly
where he want us to be.Copy !req
83. So what are
you degenerateCopy !req
84. niggas doing here?Come on, Vic, man,Copy !req
85. you better than this, man.
Y'all trying to rip people off.Copy !req
86. Look, y'all ain't here
to hear the Word,Copy !req
87. get the out.Copy !req
88. Hold on,
there, Vic.Copy !req
89. W-What's going on, here?
Who is that?Copy !req
90. Sound
like youCopy !req
91. teaching people
to worship money.Copy !req
92. With all due respect, Reverend,Copy !req
93. that sound like
some bullshit to me.Copy !req
94. Ooh.Copy !req
95. Reverend Otis,Copy !req
96. this is a aboriginal
con man from Australia.Copy !req
97. Nigga just got out the
mental institution,Copy !req
98. think he's Jesus.Copy !req
99. Jesus!Copy !req
100. Well,
is that right?Copy !req
101. Well, if you're gonna
be a crazy fool,Copy !req
102. you might as well
go all the way with it.Copy !req
103. Look, I don't want your money.Copy !req
104. Neither does Pops.Copy !req
105. You can't buy God's blessings.Copy !req
106. It don't work like that. Sit down!Copy !req
107. Says the man who obviously
ain't got no blessings.Copy !req
108. People...Copy !req
109. People, don't give
this dude your money.Copy !req
110. He ripping you off.
Vic, come on, man,Copy !req
111. you better than that.
You really gonna just stand byCopy !req
112. and rip these people off?Copy !req
113. That's blasphemy.
He's blaspheming. If Jesus,Copy !req
114. the realJesus, didn't want me
to have this money,Copy !req
115. then Jesus would take it away!Copy !req
116. And... and-and look
at your ankles.Copy !req
117. Ankles
so ashy,Copy !req
118. they look like they're about
to be dropped in a deep fryer.Copy !req
119. I've been walking
a lot of miles. So what?Copy !req
120. And-and that wig you got on,Copy !req
121. you better find whatever meth
addict you stole that hair fromCopy !req
122. and give it back.Copy !req
123. Your mama should be arrested
for littering.Copy !req
124. Come back when you can afford
God's love, nigga. Save up.Copy !req
125. Get them bums on out of
here. Put 'em in the trash.Copy !req
126. As a matter of fact,
put 'em in the recycling bin.Copy !req
127. Maybe-maybe God can do better.Copy !req
128. REV.
Everybody needsCopy !req
129. to be saved,
and we need some money!Copy !req
130. A robbery? You're telling me,Copy !req
131. you, Jesus Christ,
you want to rob a church.Copy !req
132. Never ceaseCopy !req
133. to amaze,
boy.Copy !req
134. See, dude,
that man said one thing right,Copy !req
135. which was, if Jesus didn't want
him to have that bread,Copy !req
136. then Jesus would take it back.Copy !req
137. And that's exactly what
I'm gonna do.Copy !req
138. Hey, man. Look, man.
I know you're mad, man.Copy !req
139. They went in on you pretty bad
at the church,Copy !req
140. but this isn't very Jesus-y.Copy !req
141. Man, that.Copy !req
142. Pops sent me here on a
to take backCopy !req
143. the city for on the side
of righteousness. We can'tCopy !req
144. keep letting these suckers
steal the hearts and the mindsCopy !req
145. and the money
from the poor people's pockets.Copy !req
146. Come on, Boonie.
That's some bullshit.Copy !req
147. Hey, Jesus, man,
I agree with you.Copy !req
148. We don't like what he doing,Copy !req
149. but you're always talking
about free will, right?Copy !req
150. That's what you're always
preaching. And it's free will.Copy !req
151. The people are giving him
the money.Copy !req
152. He's not stealing it from 'em.Copy !req
153. It isstealing, Fish.Copy !req
154. Tray, tell these fools
something.Copy !req
155. Yeah, low-key, the minister
has been actively engagedCopy !req
156. in stealing from the church.Copy !req
157. His own church, though.
His own church.Copy !req
158. The church takes its donations
after it's been collected,Copy !req
159. and they put them
in their money room,Copy !req
160. which is located next
to his personal green roomCopy !req
161. backstage at the church.Copy !req
162. Later, after the service,
two guardsCopy !req
163. from L.E.G. Security arriveCopy !req
164. to transport the money.Copy !req
165. The official count begins
with Vic,Copy !req
166. with the two guards present.Copy !req
167. $4,735.23.Copy !req
168. Give or take a few bucks, it's
almost the same every week.Copy !req
169. From that point, it goes
with the security guardsCopy !req
170. directly out the door to theCopy !req
171. Fourth National
Southwest Compton Bank.Copy !req
172. Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.
Did I miss something?Copy !req
173. Damn right, dude.
Tray, sprinkle these cats.Copy !req
174. Now, after the church service
is overCopy !req
175. but before the money is counted and taken away,Copy !req
176. Reverend Cleveland enters the room for exactly 11 minutesCopy !req
177. to pray over the money.Copy !req
178. He jams the Wi-Fi.Copy !req
179. Now, for exactly 11 minutes,
the Internet goes dead,Copy !req
180. and the Dropcam in the
money room goes dead as well.Copy !req
181. Word is, the power of his prayerCopy !req
182. literally disconnects
the Internet, but that's B.S.Copy !req
183. Whatever.Copy !req
184. And that's when he steals half
of the week's take,Copy !req
185. before anyone even knows
it's there.Copy !req
186. How'd you find out
this information?Copy !req
187. Jesus
told me.Copy !req
188. Oh. All this
divine vision.Copy !req
189. I just like the way
Trayvon break it downCopy !req
190. all Mission:
Impossiblelike.Copy !req
191. All right. So, the key isCopy !req
192. to get into the money room
and stealCopy !req
193. the half of the money that
he's going to steal beforeCopy !req
194. the minister goes in
and prays over it.Copy !req
195. Okay. So, how we gonna do that?Copy !req
196. It all comes down
to one lady.Copy !req
197. I tell you one thing,
if you had a giant bedCopy !req
198. with some giant sheets
in AfricaCopy !req
199. and you try to make that bed,
them lions will jump aroundCopy !req
200. on that bed
just like little kitty cats.Copy !req
201. Shut the up, Lloyd.Copy !req
202. MS.'Cause I don't
want to, that's why! Yeah. Well...Copy !req
203. Hey. Hey, you hear that? Hear what?Copy !req
204. That's why!
You're going too far. That sound like Ms. Tudi.Copy !req
205. MS.'Cause I don't want
to, that's why! Shh!Copy !req
206. Ms. Tudi, keep your voice down.Copy !req
207. Why you acting all bougie
and shit, like you some kindCopy !req
208. of angel or something? How many
times I looked away with my holyCopy !req
209. and infinite gaze when you
was doing janky shit yourself? Because it's wrong,Copy !req
210. that's why!
It's going too far.Copy !req
211. You don't do this for me,Copy !req
212. then I think you don't needCopy !req
213. Jesus in your life no more.Copy !req
214. MS. Okay, I'll do it.
But don't youCopy !req
215. everask me to do anything
like this again. I mean it.Copy !req
216. Ms. Tudi, come back. Why you got
to be like that? Come here.Copy !req
217. VIC:
Yes, welcome, welcome.Copy !req
218. Welcome. Welcome.Copy !req
219. Welcome. Welcome.
Welcome.Copy !req
220. Ah. Well, well. What a
pleasant surprise.Copy !req
221. To what do I owe
the pleasure? Good morning, Vic.Copy !req
222. I, um, just had a need
to hear the Word.Copy !req
223. A different word,
if you know what I mean.Mm-hmm.Copy !req
224. That is, if a sinner
like me is welcome.Copy !req
225. Well, all are
welcome here.Copy !req
226. Especially you. Oh.Copy !req
227. Let me escort you
to our VIP area. Oh.Copy !req
228. Thank you, Vic.Copy !req
229. And then Jesus— ugh, whatever
that nigga's real name is—Copy !req
230. he asked me
to do something, Vic,Copy !req
231. that I know Jesus would not ask
a person to do.Copy !req
232. Have a seat, Ms. Tudi. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
233. I heard that the pastorCopy !req
234. will hold a private meetingCopy !req
235. with a potential donor.
Do you thinkCopy !req
236. that he might see me today
before the service starts?Copy !req
237. The pastor's kind of busy.Copy !req
238. I know, Vic, but, um...Copy !req
239. I need help from the real Jesus.Copy !req
240. And I brought my checkbook.Copy !req
241. Do they have activities here,
like, for, uh, singles?Copy !req
242. Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
243. The reverend will see you now.Copy !req
244. Oh. All right.
Well, thank you.Mm-hmm.Copy !req
245. Hey, you know,
Ms. Tudi, uh,Copy !req
246. my uncle's kind of
old, okay, so he mayCopy !req
247. say something that's
inappropriate,Copy !req
248. but don't take it personal.Copy !req
249. I'm a big girl, Vic.Copy !req
250. But thank you
for your concern.Copy !req
251. Ms. Tudi!Copy !req
252. My nephew tells me
that you were well-endowedCopy !req
253. with gifts from the Lord.Copy !req
254. But I see the Lord has
endowed you well, too.Copy !req
255. Stop it some more, Reverend.Copy !req
256. Oh, please
have a seat. Okay.Copy !req
257. Uh,Copy !req
258. Vic, will you excuse us, please?Copy !req
259. Please.
Oh... yeah.Copy !req
260. So, I understand
you're lookingCopy !req
261. to make a sizable donation
to the church.Copy !req
262. Oh, yes. Yes, Reverend,
and I was, um...Copy !req
263. Well, I was hoping
that you and I could alsoCopy !req
264. spend some personal time.Copy !req
265. You see, Reverend, I need some
private, spiritual counseling.Copy !req
266. Well, this can be arranged.Copy !req
267. Good.Copy !req
268. But, you know,Copy !req
269. Jesus would want you
to be relaxed.
Oh.Copy !req
270. Damn!♪ HallelujahCopy !req
271. Uh, judge not
lest you be judged.Copy !req
272. I'll take this one. Well...Copy !req
273. Can't you wait for
a "Come in," nigga?Copy !req
274. Uh, sorry, Rev. It's just that
it's five minutes to showtime.Copy !req
275. Nigga, I got a watch!
Uh-huh.Copy !req
276. Ms. Tudi, excuse me, will you?Copy !req
277. I will be back...
after the show.Copy !req
278. But you, uh, feel free to
mix yourself another drink.Copy !req
279. Oh. Thank you, Reverend.Copy !req
280. Have a good service.Copy !req
281. Thank you.Copy !req
282. Hey, Ms. Tudi, I don't think
that you should, uh, wait.Copy !req
283. You getting jealous, huh, Vic?Copy !req
284. No, no, I'm not jealous. I'm-I'm
just looking out for you.Copy !req
285. That's so sweet. Oh! Oh, see?Copy !req
286. Oh!
See? That's what
I'm trying to tell you.Copy !req
287. See? Put that drink down,
Ms. Tudi.Copy !req
288. You had enough. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
289. Let me take you home, all right? Okay, okay.Copy !req
290. Hello. Hey, hey, listen, man,
I got something to do.Copy !req
291. I'm gonna be back
in time for the count.Copy !req
292. Thank you for taking care of me.Copy !req
293. Oh, think nothing of it.Copy !req
294. Yeah?
Oh.Copy !req
295. Oh.Copy !req
296. Whew! Mm-hmm.Copy !req
297. Ooh!Copy !req
298. You mind if we just
sit here for a little bit?Copy !req
299. Okay.
Mmm. Mmm!Copy !req
300. Amen! MAN 2:
Preacher! Preacher!Copy !req
301. REV.
A little boy came to me.Copy !req
302. He said, "Reverend, what does
God do with all that money?"Copy !req
303. I beat that little boy's ass,Copy !req
304. and I told him
to mind his business.Copy !req
305. That's what I did.Copy !req
306. Yeah! REV.
Dig in your pocketsCopy !req
307. and give Jesus
what he deserves!Copy !req
308. He's your Lord and Savior.Copy !req
309. That's worth at least 90%.Copy !req
310. Jesus paid for your sins,Copy !req
311. and now he's come to collect. Amen.Copy !req
312. And God has a warm
place for you niggasCopy !req
313. who try to hold out
on him in church.Copy !req
314. Help!Copy !req
315. What are you guys doing?
This man's havingCopy !req
316. a heart attack. Somebody help!Copy !req
317. Hey, man, y'all
some cold!Copy !req
318. Man, don't you see
I'm having a heart attack!Copy !req
319. Well, what?Copy !req
320. Yes, my uncle—
he's having a heart attack!Copy !req
321. Please send somebody.Copy !req
322. Okay, great!
Guys, listen, don't panic.Copy !req
323. Help is on the way.
Paramedics are coming.Copy !req
324. All right, guys, let's go.
We've got an emergency.Copy !req
325. Obviously, we
have a bit of aCopy !req
326. medical emergency, so, uh,
let-let us all pray, I guess...Copy !req
327. for the... for the
fat brother on the floor.Copy !req
328. Everybody, move... Obviously, this brotherCopy !req
329. has never passed a
ham hock he didn't like.Copy !req
330. Over here.Copy !req
331. Oh. BPs are dropping.Copy !req
332. We got to fill him
with phenobarbital.Copy !req
333. Pull back on the retractors.
Three, two, one.Copy !req
334. Whoa!Copy !req
335. He's heavy.Copy !req
336. For crying out loud!Copy !req
337. Okay, everybody look.Copy !req
338. We need to stabilize him first.Copy !req
339. Okay, everybody move.
We need to make room here. Move.Copy !req
340. Come on, everybody back up.Copy !req
341. We need room here.
We need room.Copy !req
342. 'Cause we got to get
this guy to the back.Copy !req
343. Back up, everyone! Wait! That area is off limits!Copy !req
344. James! James, go, go
in the back with them!Copy !req
345. Coming through, people.
Coming through!Copy !req
346. All right. Sir, we
have an emergency.Copy !req
347. This man is having
a heart attack!Copy !req
348. We need a room with
a big, flat table.Copy !req
349. What about this room? Is there
a flat table in this room?Copy !req
350. Ain't nobody allowed
in that room. Sir, if he dies,Copy !req
351. you're gonna face
criminal charges—
are you willingCopy !req
352. to do that? Hell, no.
I'm on parole.Copy !req
353. Then I suggest you
open that door quick.Copy !req
354. Give me the key.
Come on.Copy !req
355. Just hang in
there, sir.Copy !req
356. Stay with us.Copy !req
357. Come this way.Copy !req
358. Medical personnel only.Copy !req
359. Pray for him, people.Copy !req
360. You can't lock the door.Copy !req
361. My, my uncle!Copy !req
362. Hurry up.Copy !req
363. Hello.Copy !req
364. I told you I had
something to...Copy !req
365. Emergency paramedics?Copy !req
366. Look... I told you
I had something to do.Copy !req
367. I will be back
in five minutes!Copy !req
368. Later.Copy !req
369. Is everything okay?Copy !req
370. Sound like some real
crazy shit is going onCopy !req
371. over there— I don't
know what, you know...Copy !req
372. Vic, just...Copy !req
373. Listen, I got something
I got to tell you.Copy !req
374. What's that? But you got to promise you're
not gonna call the police.Copy !req
375. Come on, man.Copy !req
376. You got to know that's
something I would never do.Copy !req
377. Child, Jesus is
robbing the church.Copy !req
378. That goddamn con man!Copy !req
379. So I know even in church
sometimes shit hap...Copy !req
380. Wha...?Copy !req
381. Uh... pray!Copy !req
382. Hey! Whoa!Copy !req
383. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
384. Nobody in the
money room!Copy !req
385. You can't be in there.Copy !req
386. Go save that fat
nigga somewhere else!Copy !req
387. Open up this door!Copy !req
388. Hey, listen, go get the spare
key inside my, inside my office.Copy !req
389. Okay.
My uncle.
Please, please, pray...Copy !req
390. pray for my uncle! Please!Copy !req
391. Oh, get this nigga
off of me!Copy !req
392. Clear the way!
He's gonna be okay.Copy !req
393. I need 10cc's diazepam,
X-Y-Z right now.Copy !req
394. Thank you! Thank you so much! Don't disturb him.Copy !req
395. We got to get
this man out of here. Yeah, wait, wait, wait! Hey.Copy !req
396. Count that money.Copy !req
397. We got to defibrillate him the
moment we pull him off the wire.Copy !req
398. Aha! Caught!Copy !req
399. See, those ain't
no paramedics.Copy !req
400. That's the con man and
his cult of followers.Copy !req
401. What the hell?Copy !req
402. Yeah, Ms. Tudi told me
the whole plan.Copy !req
403. They just robbed
the collection.Copy !req
404. Yeah, she was supposed
to distract meCopy !req
405. so I didn't notice
these clowns.Copy !req
406. Ms. Tudi, you told Vic?Copy !req
407. Bitch! MS.
Listen,Copy !req
408. I know I'm not always
the best influence—Copy !req
409. I know that—Copy !req
410. but this right here,Copy !req
411. robbing a church?
Come on, Jesus,Copy !req
412. this is crossing the line.Copy !req
413. Okay, look, look,Copy !req
414. we planned to rob
a church,Copy !req
415. I ain't gonna lie.Copy !req
416. But at the last minute,Copy !req
417. we couldn't do it.
I mean,Copy !req
418. Fish was right.
Hey, even thoughCopy !req
419. I don't like you
collecting money in my name,Copy !req
420. what could I say, man,
stealing is stealing.Copy !req
421. Ms. Tudi,Copy !req
422. Vic, Reverend,Copy !req
423. two wrongs
don't make a right.Copy !req
424. We didn't steal your money.Copy !req
425. It's all there—
go ahead and count it.Copy !req
426. Jesus...Copy !req
427. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
428. REV.
Come on. Come in here.Copy !req
429. Search 'em.Copy !req
430. Get up in their ass
like the airport.Copy !req
431. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.Copy !req
432. Go check that
camera footage. Okay.Copy !req
433. Five thousandCopy !req
434. four hundred
and thirty-two dollarsCopy !req
435. and forty-three cents. That's all?Copy !req
436. That's actually the best
week we had all year.Copy !req
437. But there could've been more.
I bet there was more.Copy !req
438. Wow. Would there be more,
Reverend?Copy !req
439. Hmm.Copy !req
440. Uh, listen, why don't you
let the boys go, huh?Copy !req
441. I mean, we don't want
to call the policeCopy !req
442. and have them snooping
in little places.REV.No, no, no,Copy !req
443. no, no, we don't want no police.MS. Yeah.Copy !req
444. All right, let 'em go.Copy !req
445. But Jesus is gonna get his.Copy !req
446. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
447. I think Jesus already did.Copy !req
448. Nigga, you need
to go wash your feet.Copy !req
449. And don't come back
here no more.Copy !req
450. We got nothing on the cam.Copy !req
451. The Wi-Fi went out
same time as usual.Copy !req
452. What happened to that skinny
little crying nigga?Copy !req
453. Get this nigga off of me!Copy !req
454. Open the door! Out of the way!Copy !req
455. Clear the way!
He's gonna be okay! Thank you so much!Copy !req
456. Hey! Count that money.Copy !req
457. Hey, wait a minute!Copy !req
458. Whoo! My Lord and Savior!Copy !req
459. We pulled it off!Copy !req
460. Okay, okay,
everyone. Relax.Copy !req
461. Jesus, it's your money.
You deserve it.Copy !req
462. There you go.Aw, come on, Tray.Copy !req
463. He's right, he's right. Yeah, felt good
to hold it, at least.Copy !req
464. Mm! Father, Son,
Holy Spirit and...Copy !req
465. amen!Copy !req
466. In God we trust.Copy !req
467. Wait. Wait.Copy !req
468. All of it.
All right, Big Jee,Copy !req
469. can't wait to see what
you're gonna do with it, man.Copy !req
470. It's all you.Copy !req
471. Ta-da...!Copy !req
472. You spent the money
on a food truck?Copy !req
473. That's what
Isaid.Copy !req
474. Oh, ye of little faith.Copy !req
475. It's not just a food truck,Copy !req
476. this is our church!Copy !req