Black Dynamite 2x2

1. okay, okay, man. Shh, shh! Come on, baby.

2. Come on, baby. How much base do you need?

3. How much base do you need? man, I'm giving you $2, a

4. man, I'm giving you $2, a cheeseburger with no cheese on

5. Cheeseburger with no cheese on it, and conjoined cambodian

6. It, and conjoined cambodian twins.

7. Twins. That's got to be worth more base

8. That's got to be worth more base than that.

9. Than that.

10. shit! The cops!

11. shit! The cops! wait! What about my base?

12. wait! What about my base? Police! Stop him!

13. Police! Stop him! He stole my base!

14. He stole my base!

15. come on, lamont.

16. come on, lamont. Give it up. It's over.

17. Give it up. It's over. we got you for drugs, and we

18. we got you for drugs, and we got you for murder.

19. Got you for murder. m-m-murder?

20. m-m-murder? What — what murder?

21. What — what murder? the one you're

22. the one you're being framed for with this

23. Being framed for with this bullevidence we're gonna

24. Bullevidence we're gonna plant.

25. Plant.

26. I can't do

27. I can't do life.

28. Life. Life is what killed my father.

29. Life is what killed my father. Besides, I can't get my new

30. Besides, I can't get my new suede pumas wet.

31. Suede pumas wet. Damn, life or wet pumas?

32. Damn, life or wet pumas? What a up day this has

33. What a up day this has turned out to be.

34. Turned out to be.

35. nah, it. Bye, bitch.

36. Nah, it. Bye, bitch.

37. aaaaahh!

38. Aaaaahh!

39. well, did he fly?

40. well, did he fly? Because there's no way in hell

41. Because there's no way in hell he jumped in the water!

42. He jumped in the water! He's black!

43. He's black!

44. nice try, pigs!

45. Nice try, pigs! Didn't think a black man could

46. Didn't think a black man could swim, did you?

47. Swim, did you?

48. aah!

49. Aah!

50. help! Come in here and get me!

51. Help! Come in here and get me! Please come get me! Help!

52. Please come get me! Help! I'd rather go to jail!

53. I'd rather go to jail!

54. my guts!

55. My guts!

56. hold on to your black balls!

57. hold on to your black balls! It's black jaws!

58. It's black jaws! ♪ dynamite! Dynamite!

59. ♪ he's dynamite ♪ so dynamite

60. ♪ so dynamite ♪ ooohhh, ooohhh

61. ♪ ooohhh, ooohhh ♪ ooohhh

62. ♪ ooohhh ♪ ahhhh

63. ♪ ahhhh ♪ he's dynamite

64. ♪ he's dynamite ♪ dy-no, dy-no

65. ♪ dy-no, dy-no ♪ ooohhh, ooohhh

66. ♪ ooohhh, ooohhh ♪ oooohhhh

67. ♪ oooohhhh ♪ dynamite! Dynamite!

68. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite! this week...

69. damn it, kissinger!

70. Damn it, kissinger! The black spade invaders got me!

71. The black spade invaders got me! sorry, nix.

72. sorry, nix. what do you want, anyway?

73. what do you want, anyway? it's time for your daily

74. it's time for your daily black briefing, dick.

75. Black briefing, dick. give it to me, kiss.

76. give it to me, kiss. And remember, bad black news is

77. And remember, bad black news is good white news.

78. Good white news. let me just fire up the old

79. let me just fire up the old r.A.C.I.S.T.

80. R.A.C.I.S.T.

81. we just confirmed that the

82. We just confirmed that the agent orange kool-aid we sell

83. Agent orange kool-aid we sell in the black community does, in

84. In the black community does, in fact, cause cancer.

85. Fact, cause cancer. wait.

86. wait. Why are you confirming that the

87. Why are you confirming that the thing we created to cause cancer

88. Thing we created to cause cancer causes cancer?

89. Causes cancer? my bad.

90. my bad. What else do we have here?

91. the self-hating jheri-curl activator we created is not

92. Activator we created is not catching on.

93. Catching on. We should put this one on an

94. We should put this one on an ice cube until we find the

95. Ice cube until we find the right with attitudes to

96. Right with attitudes to make it popular.

97. Make it popular. blah, blah, blah. Next.

98. blah, blah, blah. Next. nothing else too interesting.

99. nothing else too interesting. there are sporadic reports

100. there are sporadic reports of shark attacks on blacks.

101. Of shark attacks on blacks. To increase blood pressure in

102. To increase blood pressure in the black community, we are

103. The black community, we are adding sodium to sports

104. Adding sodium to sports clothing.

105. Clothing. We are going to buy the nba.

106. We are going to buy the nba. stop the pickaninny presses.

107. stop the pickaninny presses. Tell me more about that darky

108. Tell me more about that darky sharky shit.

109. Sharky shit. first, a routine negro

110. first, a routine negro frame-up was interrupted by a

111. Frame-up was interrupted by a shark attack.

112. Shark attack. Later, an interracial couple

113. Later, an interracial couple was attacked, but the shark did

114. Was attacked, but the shark did not eat the white girl.

115. Not eat the white girl. In fact, the shark even gave

116. In fact, the shark even gave her a ride home.

117. Her a ride home. where's that

118. where's that soul-food-people-eating shark

119. Soul-food-people-eating shark now?

120. Now? the shark will most likely

121. the shark will most likely follow a path down the coast.

122. Follow a path down the coast. fantastic.

123. fantastic. Now we need a way to get the

124. Now we need a way to get the entire negro population in the

125. Entire negro population in the water at once.

126. Water at once. Kiss, what do you get when you

127. Kiss, what do you get when you mix music, food, fancy cars,

128. Mix music, food, fancy cars, motorcycles, ass, and negroes

129. Motorcycles, ass, and negroes together with water?

130. Together with water? I don't know. Good times?

131. I don't know. Good times? black beach week!

132. black beach week! Get the mayor of that podunk

133. Get the mayor of that podunk beach town on the phone

134. beach town on the phone and have him throw the biggest,

135. And have him throw the biggest, funkiest, blackest party the

136. Funkiest, blackest party the beach has ever seen.

137. Beach has ever seen. We'll call it

138. We'll call it "operation blaqua party."

139. "operation blaqua party." ♪ dynamite! Dynamite

140. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite honey bee: Unh-unh-unh!

141. honey bee: Unh-unh-unh! I got my gold 'em

142. I got my gold 'em girl" bathing suit on, my

143. Girl" bathing suit on, my matching cornrows, got the

144. Matching cornrows, got the titties percolatin'.

145. Titties percolatin'. Ha ha!

146. Ha ha! I can't wait to see how many

147. I can't wait to see how many suckas I can turn down at this

148. Suckas I can turn down at this blaqua party.

149. Blaqua party. cream corn: Ha!

150. cream corn: Ha! You think somebody gonna talk to

151. You think somebody gonna talk to you, c-3po?

152. You, c-3po? Well, may the force be with you,

153. Well, may the force be with you, girl.

154. Girl. honey bee: I'm-a force my

155. honey bee: I'm-a force my foot up your ass, lookin' like a

156. Foot up your ass, lookin' like a black michelin man.

157. Black michelin man. cream corn: Hey, and I'll be

158. cream corn: Hey, and I'll be damned if I'm-a get my beautiful

159. Damned if I'm-a get my beautiful hair wet, 'cause if I do get my

160. Hair wet, 'cause if I do get my do wet, it won't look wet

161. Do wet, it won't look wet anymore.

162. Anymore.

163. honey bee: Damn!

164. honey bee: Damn! Bullhorn, what's wrong with you?

165. Bullhorn, what's wrong with you? I been fasting my

166. I been fasting my ass off for three days preparing

167. Ass off for three days preparing for this

168. For this soul food eatin' contest.

169. Soul food eatin' contest. I've got to be the hungriest

170. I've got to be the hungriest motherin all of

171. Motherin all of los angeles!

172. Los angeles! cream corn: Well, it's too

173. cream corn: Well, it's too bad you're gonna lose.

174. Bad you're gonna lose. You know thick james gonna be

175. You know thick james gonna be there.

176. There. He done won every

177. He done won every soul food eatin' contest this

178. Soul food eatin' contest this community ever had.

179. Community ever had. Man

180. Man thick james.

181. Thick james. I can eat 10 whales with a side

182. I can eat 10 whales with a side of buffalo and their wings!

183. Of buffalo and their wings! It's bullhorn that'll be the new

184. It's bullhorn that'll be the new soul-food king.

185. Soul-food king. That is...

186. That is...

187. If I could make it to this

188. If I could make it to this damn thing.

189. Damn thing. cream corn: Black dynamite, I

190. cream corn: Black dynamite, I know you're not wearing your

191. Know you're not wearing your everyday ass-kicking clothes to

192. Everyday ass-kicking clothes to the beach.

193. The beach. You gonna look ridiculous if you

194. You gonna look ridiculous if you don't look ridiculous.

195. Don't look ridiculous. black dynamite: It's only a

196. black dynamite: It's only a beach, cream corn — just a

197. Beach, cream corn — just a big-ass bathtub with fish in it.

198. Big-ass bathtub with fish in it. And if you've seen one big-ass

199. And if you've seen one big-ass bathtub with fish in it, you've

200. Bathtub with fish in it, you've seen 'em all.

201. Seen 'em all. Besides, beaches are for

202. Besides, beaches are for bitches.

203. Bitches. honey bee: I know that's

204. honey bee: I know that's right, and this bitch is about

205. Right, and this bitch is about to be the sexiest bitch on the

206. To be the sexiest bitch on the beach.

207. Beach. I'm telling you, when I hit the

208. I'm telling you, when I hit the sand, there won't be a soft

209. Sand, there won't be a soft in sight!

210. except for y'all's, of course,

211. Except for y'all's, of course, 'cause, you know, that would be

212. 'cause, you know, that would be just weird.

213. Just weird. Ugh!

214. Ugh! ♪ dynamite! Dynamite

215. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite hey, y'all. Let's do this.

216. hey, y'all. Let's do this.

217. in your face!

218. oh, yeah.

219. oh, yeah. let's go get some!

220. let's go get some!

221. "welcome, darkness—"

222. "welcome, darkness—" darknesses? Hmm.

223. Darknesses? Hmm. "welcome to the first annual

224. "welcome to the first annual blaqua party.

225. Blaqua party. Please, black crayola

226. Please, black crayola crickets..."

227. Crickets..." crayola?

228. crayola? "... Stay in the water for as

229. "... Stay in the water for as long as you can, and no matter

230. Long as you can, and no matter what happens, do not get out."

231. What happens, do not get out."

232. black dynamite: Hmm.

233. black dynamite: Hmm. There's something fishy about

234. There's something fishy about this beach party, and it ain't

235. This beach party, and it ain't the fish.

236. The fish. look, they got merry hos on

237. look, they got merry hos on the merry-ho-round in the water!

238. The merry-ho-round in the water! Come on! Let's go!

239. Come on! Let's go!

240. [ ominous music plays, children

241. Before I can win this contest of swinin' and

242. This contest of swinin' and dinin', somebody needs to carry

243. Dinin', somebody needs to carry my black ass to the sign-in

244. My black ass to the sign-in booth so my black ass can sign

245. Booth so my black ass can sign in.

246. In.

247. look! Up in the sky!

248. Look! Up in the sky! It's a turd! It's a train!

249. It's a turd! It's a train! it's thick james, bitch!

250. it's thick james, bitch! [ crowd cheering, funky music

251. Plays ] oh!

252. oh!

253. thick james!

254. thick james! Eat me like a piece of

255. Eat me like a piece of cornbread.

256. Cornbread.

257. I'm

258. I'm thick james, bitch.

259. Thick james, bitch. Enjoy yourselves.

260. Enjoy yourselves.

261. cream corn: Hey, come on in,

262. cream corn: Hey, come on in, black dynamite.

263. Black dynamite. It's so much fun.

264. It's so much fun. Bring them beach balls over

265. Bring them beach balls over here, girl.

266. Here, girl. Stop playin'.

267. Stop playin'. black dynamite: Not now,

268. black dynamite: Not now, cream corn.

269. Cream corn. Can't you see I'm trying to

270. Can't you see I'm trying to build a sand whorephanage?

271. Build a sand whorephanage? cream corn: Okay,

272. cream corn: Okay, black dynamite, suit yourself.

273. Black dynamite, suit yourself. Your loss.

274. Your loss.

275. man, if they had blaqua parties

276. Man, if they had blaqua parties like this all the time, my black

277. Like this all the time, my black ass would live in the sea!

278. Ass would live in the sea! honey bee: I'm sure you

279. honey bee: I'm sure you would, blaqua man.

280. Would, blaqua man. cream corn: Hey!

281. cream corn: Hey! Black dynamite!

282. Black dynamite! You said beaches was for

283. You said beaches was for bitches — you better come get

284. Bitches — you better come get some of these bitches while they

285. Some of these bitches while they still wet.

286. Still wet. black dynamite: Black

287. black dynamite: Black dynamite don't come to

288. Dynamite don't come to bitches — bitches come to

289. Bitches — bitches come to black dynamite.

290. Black dynamite. Now, will you please shut the

291. Now, will you please shut the up while grown folks is

292. up while grown folks is building a sand whorephanage?

293. Building a sand whorephanage? cream corn: Sorry,

294. cream corn: Sorry, black dynamite.

295. Black dynamite. More wet bitch for me.

296. More wet bitch for me. honey bee: Damn.

297. honey bee: Damn. I haven't had a chance to turn

298. I haven't had a chance to turn down one man yet!

299. Down one man yet! Oh, I'm — I'm-a do a sexy run

300. Oh, I'm — I'm-a do a sexy run down the beach.

301. Down the beach. That always gets 'em.

302. That always gets 'em.

303. oh, man!

304. oh, man!

305. mm-mmm! Damn!

306. mm-mmm! Damn! I ain't never seen a white girl

307. I ain't never seen a white girl with cornrows before.

308. With cornrows before. Oh, man! That bitch bad!

309. Oh, man! That bitch bad! It's something about the novelty

310. It's something about the novelty of it.

311. Of it. You know what I'm sayin'?

312. You know what I'm sayin'? It's like seeing a bigfoot in

313. It's like seeing a bigfoot in this mother.

314. This mother. hey, there, white bitch,

315. hey, there, white bitch, where you goin'?

316. Where you goin'? black dynamite, can you teach

317. black dynamite, can you teach me how to surf?

318. Me how to surf? black dynamite: Damn it,

319. black dynamite: Damn it, little orphan penny.

320. Little orphan penny. You made me up the sign.

321. You made me up the sign. And just for that, you got to

322. And just for that, you got to teach your own self how to surf.

323. Teach your own self how to surf.

324. mine looks

325. mine looks way better than yours!

326. Way better than yours! black dynamite: A

327. black dynamite: A castle.

328. Castle. How original.

329. How original. that ain't gonna

330. that ain't gonna stick without no water.

331. Stick without no water. Here.

332. Here.

333. hey, my towel!

334. hey, my towel! I got a towel.

335. I got a towel. yo, what's up, girl?

336. yo, what's up, girl? Right on.

337. Right on. black dynamite: Cream corn!

338. black dynamite: Cream corn! Shark! Shark!

339. Shark! Shark! Get out the water!

340. Get out the water!

341. cream corn, noooooooooooooo!

342. Cream corn, noooooooooooooo! cream corn:

343. cream corn: stop! That tickles!

344. Stop! That tickles! That tickles!

345. That tickles! You goin' make pee on myself —

346. You goin' make pee on myself — again!

347. Again!

348. you thought it was a real shark.

349. You thought it was a real shark. You stupid.

350. You stupid.

351. black dynamite: Suey!

352. black dynamite: Suey! There. Now we even.

353. There. Now we even.

354. Bring on the

355. Bring on the chitlins, collard greens, and

356. Chitlins, collard greens, and ham-hock meat.

357. Ham-hock meat. Let's get this mother

358. Let's get this mother started.

359. Started. I'm ready to eat.

360. I'm ready to eat. everyone, take your seats.

361. everyone, take your seats. We're about to begin the

362. We're about to begin the soul food —

363. Soul food — your speech, nigga.

364. your speech, nigga. your speech.

365. let's get this party started.

366. Let's get this party started.

367. I'm thick james, bitch.

368. I'm thick james, bitch.

369. on your March...

370. on your March... we're on, nigga.

371. we're on, nigga.

372. [ contestants munching rapidly,

373. mmm! Mm-mmm! I'm thick james, bitch.

374. I'm thick james, bitch. Too bad you slow mother

375. Too bad you slow mother got to chew your food.

376. Got to chew your food.

377. I'm thick james, bitch.

378. I'm thick james, bitch.

379. oh! My mouth was open!

380. oh! My mouth was open! food is a hell of a drug.

381. food is a hell of a drug. and the winner is

382. and the winner is thick james.

383. Thick james.

384. thick james is truly touched by

385. Thick james is truly touched by your kindness.

386. Your kindness. First, though, I'd like to thank

387. First, though, I'd like to thank my lord and savior for blessing

388. My lord and savior for blessing me with such a wide throat,

389. Me with such a wide throat, making me greedy enough to

390. Making me greedy enough to swallow such quantities of food

391. Swallow such quantities of food at one time.

392. At one time.

393. and the new winner is, uh,

394. and the new winner is, uh, bullhorn!

395. Bullhorn!

396. and now to present the trophy to

397. And now to present the trophy to the new champ, the sexiest and

398. The new champ, the sexiest and only white woman on the beach,

399. Only white woman on the beach, international movie star

400. International movie star bo derek.

401. Bo derek.

402. ha ha!

403. ha ha! That's what I'm talkin' about!

404. That's what I'm talkin' about!

405. come on, white girl!

406. Come on, white girl!

407. black dynamite: Man. All this having fun and

408. All this having fun and happiness with nothing going

409. Happiness with nothing going wrong, it's like there's no

410. Wrong, it's like there's no reason for black dynamite to

411. Reason for black dynamite to even be here.

412. Even be here. ooh! Look, black dynamite!

413. ooh! Look, black dynamite! I'm surfing all by myself!

414. I'm surfing all by myself! black dynamite: Stop playing

415. black dynamite: Stop playing with that fake shark

416. With that fake shark fin, little orphan arnold.

417. Fin, little orphan arnold. It's not funny.

418. It's not funny. okay, black dynamite.

419. okay, black dynamite.

420. black dynamite: Surf,

421. black dynamite: Surf, little orphan penny!

422. Little orphan penny! Surf like I never taught you how

423. Surf like I never taught you how to surf before!

424. To surf before!

425. noooooooooooo!

426. Noooooooooooo! ♪ dynamite! Dynamite!

427. cream corn: Black dynamite!

428. cream corn: Black dynamite! Save my ass! There's a shark!

429. Save my ass! There's a shark!

430. oh, my god!

431. oh, my god! black dynamite: Are you all

432. black dynamite: Are you all right?

433. Right? black dynamite,

434. black dynamite, you ain't

435. You ain't black dynamite!

436. black dynamite!

437. black dynamite: Lifeguard!

438. black dynamite: Lifeguard! Out there in the water, there's

439. Out there in the water, there's a...

440. A... aah! Get out of the water!

441. aah! Get out of the water! come on, man.

442. come on, man. Help him, black dynamite.

443. Help him, black dynamite. do something, black dynamite!

444. do something, black dynamite!

445. god damn, that was your

446. god damn, that was your daddy!

447. Daddy! cream corn: Oh, damn!

448. cream corn: Oh, damn! why the hell you ain't

449. why the hell you ain't helping, black dynamite?

450. Helping, black dynamite? black dynamite: Because I

451. black dynamite: Because I can't swim, damn it!

452. Can't swim, damn it! Are you happy now? I said it.

453. Are you happy now? I said it. Black dynamite can't

454. Black dynamite can't swim.

455. Swim.

456. what?

457. what? black dynamite: And when the

458. black dynamite: And when the did y'all learn how to

459. did y'all learn how to swim, anyway?

460. Swim, anyway? Y'all been taking lessons behind

461. Y'all been taking lessons behind my back?

462. My back? cream corn: Wait.

463. cream corn: Wait. But didn't you swim after me in

464. But didn't you swim after me in vietnam?

465. Vietnam? black dynamite: That was last

466. black dynamite: That was last season, and besides, I was

467. Season, and besides, I was suffering from posttraumatic

468. Suffering from posttraumatic flashback disorder.

469. Flashback disorder.

470. I'm sorry for saying you

471. I'm sorry for saying you weren't black dynamite.

472. Weren't black dynamite. I know you weren't gonna let

473. I know you weren't gonna let that shark eat me.

474. That shark eat me. Mwah!

475. Mwah! black dynamite: Thank you,

476. black dynamite: Thank you, little orphan penny, but the

477. Little orphan penny, but the truth is, black dynamite was

478. Truth is, black dynamite was gonna let that shark eat the

479. Gonna let that shark eat the hell out you before he would've

480. Hell out you before he would've got in that water.

481. Got in that water.

482. if he were dynamite, he'd be

483. if he were dynamite, he'd be able to swim.

484. Able to swim. You were in the

485. You were in the cia, and you was a navy s.E.A.L.

486. Cia, and you was a navy s.E.A.L. Talkin' 'bout you can't swim?

487. Talkin' 'bout you can't swim? Man, are you for real?

488. Man, are you for real? honey bee: Yeah,

489. honey bee: Yeah, black dynamite.

490. Black dynamite. How is that possible?

491. How is that possible? black dynamite: Somehow I've

492. black dynamite: Somehow I've just always found a way to avoid

493. Just always found a way to avoid swimming.

494. Swimming. cream corn: But what about

495. cream corn: But what about that bubble bath you took with

496. That bubble bath you took with the supremes or that time you

497. The supremes or that time you was in the shower with

498. Was in the shower with diana ross, donna summer, and

499. Diana ross, donna summer, and chaka khan?

500. Chaka khan? black dynamite: I'm not

501. black dynamite: I'm not afraid of water, just swimming,

502. Afraid of water, just swimming, damn it!

503. Damn it! Now, if you shut the up

504. Now, if you shut the up when I'm trying to give you a

505. When I'm trying to give you a flashback, I can give you one.

506. Flashback, I can give you one. cream corn: Sorry,

507. cream corn: Sorry, black dynamite.

508. Black dynamite. Go ahead and flash back.

509. Go ahead and flash back. oh, my god!

510. oh, my god! oh, black dynamite!

511. oh, black dynamite! Please swim out there and save

512. Please swim out there and save our kids.

513. Our kids.

514. black dynamite: I was a staticky motherfor

515. Staticky motherfor weeks, but at least I didn't

516. Weeks, but at least I didn't have to swim.

517. Have to swim.

518. oh, we love you,

519. oh, we love you, black dynamite.

520. Black dynamite. Thank you.

521. Thank you. okay, guys.

522. okay, guys. Dr. Wu's underwater base is

523. Dr. Wu's underwater base is directly below us.

524. Directly below us. Let's swim down there,

525. Let's swim down there, infiltrate via the docking

526. Infiltrate via the docking ports, and...

527. Ports, and... Black dynamite.

528. Black dynamite.

529. black dynamite!

530. Black dynamite! wait, wait! Wait, wait!

531. wait, wait! Wait, wait!

532. damn it!

533. damn it! black dynamite: In some

534. black dynamite: In some cases, it would've actually

535. Cases, it would've actually been easier just to swim, but I

536. Been easier just to swim, but I managed to find a harder way

537. Managed to find a harder way not to.

538. Not to. black dynamite!

539. black dynamite! I see you standing there!

540. I see you standing there! Swim out here and easily save my

541. Swim out here and easily save my life!

542. Life!

543. is that a bomb?

544. Is that a bomb?

545. why does he stop everything with

546. Why does he stop everything with bombs?

547. Bombs? black dynamite: You smell

548. black dynamite: You smell like fish ass.

549. Like fish ass.

550. so, you see, I am powerless to

551. So, you see, I am powerless to save —

552. Save — this, rallo.

553. this, rallo. I'll never get in the ocean

554. I'll never get in the ocean again.

555. Again. It's strictly water guns and

556. It's strictly water guns and fire hydrants for me.

557. Fire hydrants for me. I'm with you, rallo.

558. I'm with you, rallo. Let's go.

559. Let's go.

560. hello?

561. Hello? Damn it, mr. Mayor, can't you

562. Damn it, mr. Mayor, can't you see that I'm building a slave

563. See that I'm building a slave ship in a bottle?

564. Ship in a bottle? uh, mr. President, I'm sorry

565. uh, mr. President, I'm sorry to inform you, but the water's

566. To inform you, but the water's empty, and the party's over, and

567. Empty, and the party's over, and the shark only got one negro so

568. The shark only got one negro so far.

569. Far. no!

570. no! This plan's too good to just

571. This plan's too good to just blow my load over one ghetto

572. Blow my load over one ghetto hamster.

573. Hamster. You'd better find a way to get

574. You'd better find a way to get those swamp donkeys back in the

575. Those swamp donkeys back in the water, or you'll never merk in

576. Water, or you'll never merk in this titty again, which is

577. This titty again, which is "buckwheat" for, "you'll never

578. "buckwheat" for, "you'll never work in this city again"!

579. Work in this city again"! uh, but mr. President, uh,

580. uh, but mr. President, uh, merking in this titty is all I

581. Merking in this titty is all I got!

582. Got!

583. h-hello?

584. H-hello?

585. sir, I believe the

586. sir, I believe the r.A.C.I.S.T. Has an idea.

587. R.A.C.I.S.T. Has an idea. uh, ladies and gentlemen of

588. uh, ladies and gentlemen of the blaqua party, I present to

589. The blaqua party, I present to you earth, wind, fire and water

590. You earth, wind, fire and water in the water.

591. In the water. oh, fire and water!

592. oh, fire and water! ♪ do you remember...

593. ♪ do you remember... damn.

594. damn. Nobody can resist

595. Nobody can resist earth, wind, fire and water.

596. Earth, wind, fire and water. Come on, rallo.

597. Come on, rallo.

598. black dynamite: Mnh-mnh.

599. black dynamite: Mnh-mnh. Come back! It's too dangerous!

600. Come back! It's too dangerous! cream corn: I mean, it was

601. cream corn: I mean, it was just one little shark attack.

602. Just one little shark attack. Man, it may be

603. Man, it may be risky, but this concert I cannot

604. Risky, but this concert I cannot pass.

605. Pass. We better move fast 'cause ain't

606. We better move fast 'cause ain't no tellin' how long our asses

607. No tellin' how long our asses will last.

608. Will last. honey bee: Oh, please.

609. honey bee: Oh, please. A shark can bite my arm off.

610. A shark can bite my arm off. I'm-a get me a man to turn down

611. I'm-a get me a man to turn down before I leave.

612. Before I leave. black dynamite: Cream corn!

613. black dynamite: Cream corn! Honey bee! Bullhorn!

614. Honey bee! Bullhorn! Who the are you, and why

615. Who the are you, and why are you sneaking up behind me

616. Are you sneaking up behind me all mysterious like that?

617. All mysterious like that?

618. I was once told that bitches

619. I was once told that bitches like mysterious motherso

620. Like mysterious motherso ever since then, I've tried to

621. Ever since then, I've tried to be a mysterious mother

622. Be a mysterious mother black dynamite: First of all,

623. black dynamite: First of all, it's clear that that's not

624. It's clear that that's not working out for you.

625. Working out for you. Second of all, that still

626. Second of all, that still doesn't tell me who the hell you

627. Doesn't tell me who the hell you are.

628. Are. oh, my name is

629. oh, my name is captain quinton.

630. Captain quinton. I'm a conservationist and lover

631. I'm a conservationist and lover of every goddamn thing aquatic.

632. Of every goddamn thing aquatic. Some call me a nut, but I'm

633. Some call me a nut, but I'm really just a "seaman."

634. Really just a "seaman."

635. that was a joke.

636. That was a joke. Aw, whatever.

637. Aw, whatever. I've traveled the world and the

638. I've traveled the world and the seven seas.

639. Seven seas. Everybody's looking for

640. Everybody's looking for something.

641. Something. But what I'm looking for is that

642. But what I'm looking for is that 200-year-old shark that has just

643. 200-year-old shark that has just redeveloped the taste for black

644. Redeveloped the taste for black blood.

645. Blood. black dynamite: Black blood?

646. black dynamite: Black blood? Please tell me that was just

647. Please tell me that was just another corny joke.

648. Another corny joke. oh, I never joke.

649. oh, I never joke. You think that was a

650. You think that was a random shark attack?

651. Random shark attack? That was the work of black jaws.

652. That was the work of black jaws.

653. black dynamite: Black jaws?

654. black dynamite: Black jaws? Damn.

655. Damn. I used to know a bitch named

656. I used to know a bitch named black jaws, and she was a

657. Black jaws, and she was a man-eater, too, but that's

658. Man-eater, too, but that's another story.

659. Another story. Go on, captain.

660. Go on, captain. all right.

661. all right. But I would like to hear about

662. But I would like to hear about that bitch a little later.

663. That bitch a little later. Now, it all started back in

664. Now, it all started back in slavery, with two slave cats

665. Slavery, with two slave cats named rallo.

666. Named rallo. come on, now. Roll the dice.

667. come on, now. Roll the dice. yeah, nigga, stop wasting our

668. yeah, nigga, stop wasting our time.

669. Time. ha ha! Snake eyes, bitch!

670. ha ha! Snake eyes, bitch! Give it up, rallo!

671. Give it up, rallo! shit! Here he comes.

672. shit! Here he comes. all right.

673. all right. You boys better not be down

674. You boys better not be down there having a good time.

675. There having a good time. Remember, this is slavery!

676. Remember, this is slavery! rallo, we can't have no fun

677. rallo, we can't have no fun with these mother

678. With these mother enslaving us!

679. Enslaving us! I'm about to get the hell up

680. I'm about to get the hell up out of here, man.

681. Out of here, man. We can't be too far from africa.

682. We can't be too far from africa. Come on!

683. Come on! shh!

684. shh! all right. Let's goooo!

685. all right. Let's goooo! Freedom!

686. Freedom!

687. this is a bad idea, rallo!

688. this is a bad idea, rallo!

689. for many years after that, black jaws followed every damn

690. Black jaws followed every damn slave ship in hopes of getting

691. Slave ship in hopes of getting some more of that black blood,

692. Some more of that black blood, and blacks stayed out the water

693. And blacks stayed out the water for more than 200 years.

694. For more than 200 years. Now, if we don't destroy

695. Now, if we don't destroy black jaws now, blacks will

696. Black jaws now, blacks will never be able to swim in peace

697. Never be able to swim in peace again.

698. Again. black dynamite: But why black

699. black dynamite: But why black blood?

700. Blood? hell, I don't know.

701. hell, I don't know. Black mothermight taste

702. Black mothermight taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never

703. Like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know that.

704. Know that. Why?

705. Why? 'cause I don't eat black

706. 'cause I don't eat black mother

707. Mother now, look, black dynamite, the

708. Now, look, black dynamite, the future of black swimming is in

709. Future of black swimming is in your hands.

710. Your hands. black dynamite: Wait.

711. black dynamite: Wait. Why hands?

712. Why hands? 'cause I can give two squid

713. 'cause I can give two squid shits about you suckas swimmin',

714. Shits about you suckas swimmin', but because I'm a mysterious

715. But because I'm a mysterious negro that just happens to like

716. Negro that just happens to like chasing black sharks, I'm-a help

717. Chasing black sharks, I'm-a help you.

718. You.

719. ♪ ba de ya

720. ♪ ba de ya yeah, yeah, yeah!

721. yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪ ba de ya

722. ♪ ba de ya

723. ♪ dancing in September

724. ♪ dancing in September honey bee: Oh, my god!

725. honey bee: Oh, my god! It ate water! Damn it!

726. It ate water! Damn it! I almost had him, too.

727. I almost had him, too. I want to run, rallo, but

728. I want to run, rallo, but when's the next time we're gonna

729. When's the next time we're gonna get a free

730. Get a free earth, wind, fire and water

731. Earth, wind, fire and water concert — I mean a earth, wind,

732. Concert — I mean a earth, wind, and fire concert.

733. And fire concert. yeah, yeah, he probably

734. yeah, yeah, he probably already done eating.

735. Already done eating. He already ate two.

736. He already ate two.

737. I mean he already three guys,

738. I mean he already three guys, so, yeah, he probably ain't even

739. So, yeah, he probably ain't even hungry no more.

740. Hungry no more. Ain't that right, rallo?

741. Ain't that right, rallo?

742. honey bee: Okay, that did it.

743. honey bee: Okay, that did it. Enough earth, wind, fire

744. Enough earth, wind, fire and water for me.

745. And water for me. cream corn: Y'all go ahead.

746. cream corn: Y'all go ahead. I'm still waiting on my song.

747. I'm still waiting on my song. black dynamite: Honey bee,

748. black dynamite: Honey bee, bullhorn — captain quinton.

749. Bullhorn — captain quinton. He's a mysterious mother

750. He's a mysterious mother that knows everything about

751. That knows everything about sharks and

752. Sharks and cream corn: He-e-e-e-lp!

753. cream corn: He-e-e-e-lp!

754. honey bee: Oh, my goodness! The shark goin' eat cream corn!

755. The shark goin' eat cream corn! no, he ain't 'bout to eat

756. no, he ain't 'bout to eat him.

757. Him. He just ate.

758. He just ate. He's saving him for later.

759. He's saving him for later. Your boy cream corn is a doggie

760. Your boy cream corn is a doggie bag.

761. Bag. black dynamite: Damn it.

762. black dynamite: Damn it. We have to kill that killer

763. We have to kill that killer shark before that killer shark

764. Shark before that killer shark kills again.

765. Kills again. But since we don't have a boat,

766. But since we don't have a boat, maybe we should just say our

767. Maybe we should just say our goodbyes now.

768. Goodbyes now. honey bee: No, you don't have

769. honey bee: No, you don't have to kill him!

770. To kill him! He's dying. Look.

771. He's dying. Look. nah, he ain't dead.

772. nah, he ain't dead. That's just the sluggish

773. That's just the sluggish behavior sharks exhibit after

774. Behavior sharks exhibit after eating large quantities of food.

775. Eating large quantities of food. The nautical term is "the itis."

776. The nautical term is "the itis." but when he wakes up, oh, he

777. But when he wakes up, oh, he gonna chomp the shit out of his

778. Gonna chomp the shit out of his ass.

779. Ass. I'm tired of

780. I'm tired of jabberin' our jaws.

781. Jabberin' our jaws. Let me at him, man, and I'll —

782. Let me at him, man, and I'll —

783. honey bee: Looks like

784. honey bee: Looks like bullhorn got the itis, too.

785. Bullhorn got the itis, too. Get your ass up.

786. Get your ass up. listen, we can go out after

787. listen, we can go out after him on my boat.

788. Him on my boat. honey bee: But which one is

789. honey bee: But which one is yours?

790. Yours? the mysterious motha fucka.

791. the mysterious motha fucka.

792. now, look, we gonna need some

793. Now, look, we gonna need some bait — some nice big black

794. Bait — some nice big black bait.

795. black dynamite: Cream corn!

796. black dynamite: Cream corn! cream corn: The shark

797. cream corn: The shark up my hair, black dynamite!

798. Up my hair, black dynamite! black dynamite: your

799. black dynamite: your hair, cream corn!

800. Hair, cream corn! Swim to the damn boat!

801. Swim to the damn boat! cream corn: No!

802. cream corn: No! Look at my hair!

803. Look at my hair! It's not worth it!

804. It's not worth it! Save yourselves!

805. Save yourselves! Save yourselves!

806. Save yourselves! honey bee: Cream corn, you

807. honey bee: Cream corn, you better get your curls ass over

808. Better get your curls ass over here.

809. Here. black dynamite: Hurry,

810. black dynamite: Hurry, cream corn!

811. Cream corn!

812. if you don't swim faster,

813. if you don't swim faster, that's your ass — and your

814. That's your ass — and your hair!

815. cream corn: okay!

816. Okay! this leak can't be repaired.

817. this leak can't be repaired. We're gonna have to get in the

818. We're gonna have to get in the water to save him!

819. Water to save him! black dynamite: I can't.

820. black dynamite: I can't. what the you mean you

821. what the you mean you can't?

822. Can't? You ain't got a goddamn choice!

823. You ain't got a goddamn choice! black dynamite: No, I-I can't

824. black dynamite: No, I-I can't swim.

825. Swim. What — what if — what if I

826. What — what if — what if I fail?

827. Fail? Black dynamite can't fail.

828. Black dynamite can't fail. No, I-it's not worth the risk.

829. No, I-it's not worth the risk. Sorry, cream corn.

830. Sorry, cream corn. You're just gonna have to die

831. You're just gonna have to die for my pride.

832. For my pride. cream corn: Thank you!

833. cream corn: Thank you! that's bull

834. that's bull fear of failure is for

835. Fear of failure is for motherthat afraid of

836. Motherthat afraid of failing, and you are not afraid,

837. Failing, and you are not afraid, and you don't fail!

838. And you don't fail! What's something you can do

839. What's something you can do well?

840. Well? black dynamite: Uh, I fight.

841. black dynamite: Uh, I fight. I

842. I I and fight.

843. I and fight. then that's it!

844. then that's it! black dynamite: What's it?

845. black dynamite: What's it? you have to conquer the sea

846. you have to conquer the sea with the same confidence you

847. With the same confidence you conquered with!

848. Conquered with! You ain't afraid of no bitch,

849. You ain't afraid of no bitch, right?

850. Right? Well, the sea is the baddest

851. Well, the sea is the baddest bitch you'll ever know.

852. Bitch you'll ever know. The water's wet and is

853. The water's wet and is wet.

854. Wet. It's the same thing,

855. It's the same thing, black dynamite.

856. Black dynamite. You stroke it!

857. You stroke it! You immerse yourself in it, and

858. You immerse yourself in it, and then, when you're ready, you

859. Then, when you're ready, you thrust hard, and you go wherever

860. Thrust hard, and you go wherever you want to go!

861. You want to go! Now, look, you ain't got no time

862. Now, look, you ain't got no time for foreplay, so you gotta take

863. For foreplay, so you gotta take the jaws off this bitch now —

864. The jaws off this bitch now — aah!

865. Aah!

866. black dynamite: huh?

867. Huh? honey bee: Bullhorn!

868. honey bee: Bullhorn! Wake your ass up!

869. Wake your ass up! We need your help!

870. We need your help!

871. here, take that!

872. Here, take that! Wh-whoa!

873. cream corn: Help,

874. cream corn: Help, black dynamite!

875. Black dynamite! honey bee: Black dynamite!

876. honey bee: Black dynamite! the sea is the

877. the sea is the baddest bitch you'll ever know.

878. Baddest bitch you'll ever know. The baddest bitch you'll ever

879. The baddest bitch you'll ever know.

880. Know. Thrust hard, thrust hard,

881. Thrust hard, thrust hard, thrust hard!

882. Thrust hard! black dynamite:

883. black dynamite: suey! Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey!

884. Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey!

885. black dynamite: Suey! Suey! honey bee:

886. honey bee: black dynamite: Suey!

887. black dynamite: Suey! Suey!

888. honey bee: black dynamite: Aah!

889. black dynamite: Aah!

890. cream corn: Damn.

891. cream corn: Damn. What just happened?

892. What just happened? black dynamite: Too much soul

893. black dynamite: Too much soul food killed thick james, and too

894. Food killed thick james, and too much thick james killed

895. Much thick james killed black jaws.

896. Black jaws. I guess you are what you eat.

897. I guess you are what you eat. Uh, y'all look

898. Uh, y'all look pissed.

899. Pissed. Was there something I missed?

900. Was there something I missed? honey bee: Anyways,

901. honey bee: Anyways, black dynamite, how the hell we

902. Black dynamite, how the hell we gonna get back to dry land?

903. black dynamite: Suey! Suey! stroke it! Stroke it!

904. stroke it! Stroke it! Stroke it! Stroke it!

905. Stroke it! Stroke it! ♪ dynamite! Dynamite!

906. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite!

907. ♪ ba de ya

908. ♪ ba de ya

909. honey bee: Aah!

910. honey bee: Aah! Oh!

911. Oh!

912. wait, wait, wait, wait, y'all!

913. Wait, wait, wait, wait, y'all! It's not black jaws — it's just

914. It's not black jaws — it's just regular jaws.

915. Regular jaws. Oh.

916. Oh. honey bee: Sharks are back to

917. honey bee: Sharks are back to eating white people again.

918. Eating white people again. Let the blaqua party continue!

919. Let the blaqua party continue! ♪ dynamite! Dynamite

920. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite all right, we need another

921. all right, we need another white bitch.

922. White bitch. no, no, no!

923. no, no, no! I'm sorry, sir.

924. I'm sorry, sir. Operation blaqua party has

925. Operation blaqua party has failed.

926. Failed. their black blood is just too

927. their black blood is just too strong.

928. strong. If there was a way to — I don't

929. If there was a way to — I don't know — sickle their cells or...

930. Know — sickle their cells or... That's it!

931. That's it! Kiss, get the cell sickler on

932. Kiss, get the cell sickler on the phone.

933. The phone. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite

934. ♪ dynamite! Dynamite

935. ♪ I'm in love with chicken

936. ♪ I'm in love with chicken wings ♪

937. Wings ♪ ♪ them string things

938. ♪ them string things ♪ gotta feel that hypertension

939. ♪ gotta feel that hypertension tuggin' my heartstrings ♪

940. Tuggin' my heartstrings ♪ ♪ and when I'm feelin' good,

941. ♪ and when I'm feelin' good, start it off with ♪

942. Start it off with ♪ ♪ ham hocks and bacon grease