1. Previously on
"Black Dynamite"...Copy !req
2. We finally have enough
flu vaccineCopy !req
3. to immunize every man,
woman, and childCopy !req
4. in the black community.Copy !req
5. And it's 100% freeCopy !req
6. and mandatory for all blacks.Copy !req
7. "Mandatory" and "free"
sounds like a codeCopy !req
8. for the BBG.Copy !req
9. The BBG?
What's that, Black Dynamite?Copy !req
10. Post-coital white girl,Copy !req
11. it's a big black genocide thing.Copy !req
12. You wouldn't understand.Copy !req
13. Aww, I thought you just gave me
the big black genocide.Copy !req
14. You damn right, ba-
Wait a minute. What?Copy !req
15. You like
injecting people with poison?Copy !req
16. Then you gonna love this!Copy !req
17. Suey! Suey! Suey!Copy !req
18. Honey Bee, I need you to keep
every whore and orphanCopy !req
19. under lock and key until
I give the go-aheadCopy !req
20. that everything is A-okay.Copy !req
21. Now, do you I need to repeat
everything I just said?Copy !req
22. No, Black Dynamite.
I was writing it down.Copy !req
23. Is everything okay?Copy !req
24. I ain't got time to give you
the details right now,Copy !req
25. but it's very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very bad.Copy !req
26. Is it bad?Copy !req
27. You're letting them do it to you!Copy !req
28. Only you can prevent
the big black genocide...Copy !req
29. Only you,
and you, and you, and you!Copy !req
30. Huh?Copy !req
31. Aw, suey!Copy !req
32. No! Don't let them
do it to you!Copy !req
33. Black Dynamite, the flu shot
wasn't very, very, very,Copy !req
34. very, very, very bad!
It didn't even hurt.Copy !req
35. Damn it, I'm too late, and nowCopy !req
36. every last one of you is
a dead motherfucker.Copy !req
37. Black Dynamite,
you don't look so good.Copy !req
38. I-Y feel like I don't look so...Copy !req
39. Black Dynamite!Copy !req
40. Oh, my God.
This man has...Copy !req
41. the flu!Copy !req
42. This week...Copy !req
43. Honey Bee, what's wrong with me?Copy !req
44. I don't feel like myself,Copy !req
45. and whoever it is
I do feel like,Copy !req
46. I don't want a damn thing
to do with them!Copy !req
47. Well, the good news is
you're gonna be just fine.Copy !req
48. Doc said all you got
is the bad case of the flu.Copy !req
49. And here... I picked up your antibiotics.Copy !req
50. Now, just take two of these...Copy !req
51. I ain't taking none of that shit.Copy !req
52. Black Dynamite's a grown,
natural man.Copy !req
53. His body fights its own battles.Copy !req
54. But wait, now... I just noticedCopy !req
55. that all three of you are
dressed like you goingCopy !req
56. to the Player's Ball
or something.Copy !req
57. Blacky D, you might
want to sit down for this.Copy !req
58. I'm already laying down.
Now just lay it on me.Copy !req
59. And don't call me "Blacky D"
no more.Copy !req
60. Oh, Black Dynamite,
you're right.Copy !req
61. Player's Ball weekend is
starting now.Copy !req
62. No!
Not the Player's Ball weekend!Copy !req
63. The one weekend a yearCopy !req
64. where every whoremonger
worth his pimp juiceCopy !req
65. gets together to party
like there's no tomorrow?Copy !req
66. But now I won't even be there,
now.Copy !req
67. And this year, it's gonna be
on a pimped-out super train!Copy !req
68. Don't even worry, B.D,
I'ma tell all the hoesCopy !req
69. you got buttermilk biscuits
in your lungsCopy !req
70. and a sick case of the pukes.Copy !req
71. Now, if y'all need me,
I'ma be in the car,Copy !req
72. honking the horn.Copy !req
73. Now, how can I have fun
with you here all aloneCopy !req
74. to fend for yourself
like some kindCopy !req
75. of abandoned newborn baby?Copy !req
76. Honey Bee, I ain't
no newborn baby no more.Copy !req
77. But even if I was,
the last thingCopy !req
78. a newborn Black Dynamite
would want to grow up to beCopy !req
79. is some kind of party pooper.Copy !req
80. Exactly.
Feel better!Copy !req
81. I'ma kill them
at the Player's Ball tonight!Copy !req
82. Black Dynamite, look.Copy !req
83. Before I shook,
I wanted to give youCopy !req
84. this zen-motor-scooter
of a self-help book.Copy !req
85. "So You Have the Flu"
by Sun Tzu.Copy !req
86. It's just like "The Art of War,"Copy !req
87. but instead, it's on the flu...Copy !req
88. Chinese remedies
used for centuries,Copy !req
89. and it just might work
for you, too.Copy !req
90. And now, see you,Copy !req
91. and I wouldn't wanna be you.Copy !req
92. Man, what's the big deal anyway?Copy !req
93. Everybody knows that once you
seen one hustler's convention,Copy !req
94. you seen them all.Copy !req
95. Those who think that
once you've seenCopy !req
96. one hustler's convention,
you've seen them all,Copy !req
97. have never been aboard
the Player's Ball Express!Copy !req
98. This year's annual gathering
of all things pimp-relatedCopy !req
99. is taking place aboard
an invitation-only,Copy !req
100. luxury locomotive that runsCopy !req
101. on custom-built double-wide
chrome tracks.Copy !req
102. Welcome aboard, y'all,
to the Player's Ball Express!Copy !req
103. Are you guys whores?
Right this way.Copy !req
104. Of all the sad-sack sons of bitchesCopy !req
105. to end up bedridden
on the bathroom floor,Copy !req
106. why did it have to be me
this weekend?Copy !req
107. Say...Copy !req
108. isn't that the book that
Bullhorn got me?Copy !req
109. I think I...Copy !req
110. Sun Tzu said,
"The greatest enemyCopy !req
111. makes the body a battleground.Copy !req
112. It must be killed
before it kills you...Copy !req
113. when you have the flu."Copy !req
114. All right, tell me
how I stop this flu fuckCopy !req
115. and kill him dead.Copy !req
116. Sun Tzu said, "Before battle,
first seek nourishment.Copy !req
117. Once on the war path,
there can be no retreat."Copy !req
118. All right.
You cool with Roscoe's?Copy !req
119. I find the food hit or miss.
But it is convenient...Copy !req
120. when you have the flu.Copy !req
121. So, by the time I've roped,
hog-tied, and branded her,Copy !req
122. you best believe old girl
knows who her man is.Copy !req
123. She knows she's property of
Chocolate Giddy-u-u-u-u-u-p.Copy !req
124. Sorry, but, uh,
were we talking about your hoesCopy !req
125. or your horses again?Copy !req
126. My horses, of course!Copy !req
127. Who the hell would even brand
a human whore?Copy !req
128. You mean besides Crenshaw Pete?Copy !req
129. On-track, off-track betting!Copy !req
130. These maggots thought
of everything!Copy !req
131. Top o' the morning, suckers!Copy !req
132. Give ye old leprechaun pimp
me damn gold!Copy !req
133. Good morning, players!Copy !req
134. Let's get naked!Copy !req
135. It ain't been but an hour since
the train left the station,Copy !req
136. and Captain K's already
a shit-faced disgraceCopy !req
137. to the whole pimp nation!Copy !req
138. Man, you players
are some haters.Copy !req
139. Now, if he don't drink
responsibly,Copy !req
140. how's he supposed
to pimp responsibly?Copy !req
141. Hey, man! Open up!
I'm coming in!Copy !req
142. Fair warning...
I don't have pants on.Copy !req
143. My balls are out.Copy !req
144. I'm gonna get naked with
somebody in here!Copy !req
145. Hello?Copy !req
146. What the...?Copy !req
147. You know what your head
looks like?Copy !req
148. My balls.Copy !req
149. Holy shit fuck piss!Copy !req
150. Did anyone ever tell you that
you look likeCopy !req
151. that "Love Boat"
bartender motherfuck?Copy !req
152. Kill his ass, Isaac.Copy !req
153. What?
What part of the game is this?Copy !req
154. The part where I shake
the whole pimp game downCopy !req
155. and get you players in pocket...Copy !req
156. Leroy Van Nuys' pocket.Copy !req
157. I'm allergic to fire!Copy !req
158. Time for this cowboy to mosey
on over to the outhouseCopy !req
159. and water his stallion.Copy !req
160. Oh, my God!Copy !req
161. "I'm a pimp killa bitch."Copy !req
162. "I'm a pimp k..."
"I'm a pimp killa..."Copy !req
163. Oh, my god!Copy !req
164. Murderer!Copy !req
165. What the hell are you doing
yelling, "murder, murder!"Copy !req
166. At a pimp party, fool?Copy !req
167. Somebody's cooked
Kangaroo's goose.Copy !req
168. There's a pimp killer
on this train,Copy !req
169. and we're all pimps!Copy !req
170. Sit your black
"Blazing Saddles" ass down.Copy !req
171. 100-plus miles on a train
full of hustlersCopy !req
172. with they best hoes,
finest jewelry,Copy !req
173. and bankrolls in tow,Copy !req
174. and you getting
your no-ass-having chapsCopy !req
175. in a bunch over one dead pimp?Copy !req
176. I say we're doing pretty good!Copy !req
177. You reckless studs play
how you want.Copy !req
178. Stop this train!Copy !req
179. Chocolate Giddy-u-u-u-u-u-p
wants to get off!Copy !req
180. Whatever, ol' wimpy-ass pimp.Copy !req
181. Okay. All right.
I didn't need to see that!Copy !req
182. Damn! Think all that
drinking made him extra flammable?Copy !req
183. Tonight was supposed
to be a night to end all nights,Copy !req
184. but now it's clear as day...Copy !req
185. Something's just not right.Copy !req
186. Oh, my God!Copy !req
187. - What's the shakedown?
- Attention.Copy !req
188. This is the conductor up in
this motherfucker.Copy !req
189. Y'all may have noticed
we missed a stop.Copy !req
190. That's because this Player's Ball
has now gone express.Copy !req
191. Next stop, eternity in hell.Copy !req
192. This pimping is a cold game.Copy !req
193. Thanks for playing, suckers!Copy !req
194. Oh, nooo!
See, I told y'all!Copy !req
195. We're all gonna die!Copy !req
196. Give me
two orders of Roscoe's chicken soupCopy !req
197. and hot lemony tea,
and make it come right up.Copy !req
198. Soup and tea?Copy !req
199. That was two weeks ago,
Black Dynamite.Copy !req
200. Problem with food
is it comes and it goes,Copy !req
201. and I needed something with
a little more staying power.Copy !req
202. So, from now on, it's Roscoe's
Eight-Track and Betamax!Copy !req
203. Now, how many Eight-tracks
and BetamaxesCopy !req
204. would you like, Black Dynamite?Copy !req
205. Hold your horses and your
Betamaxes, Roscoe.Copy !req
206. We're receiving
unconfirmed reportsCopy !req
207. that the Player's Ball Express
has been hijacked.Copy !req
208. If only there was
one man with a planCopy !req
209. on that train there
to save everyone.Copy !req
210. Wait... I know one manCopy !req
211. who should've been on that train
in the first place,Copy !req
212. and that man has a plan.Copy !req
213. And that plan is to get
on that trainCopy !req
214. and save everyone,
even though they thoughtCopy !req
215. they could have a Player's Ball
without him.Copy !req
216. And that man's name is Black...Copy !req
217. Is Black...Copy !req
218. Is Black Dyna...Copy !req
219. Man, you done throwed upCopy !req
220. all over my electronics store,
Black Dynamite.Copy !req
221. Now, I don't blame no one hereCopy !req
222. for fear about their health,Copy !req
223. but let's be clear...
This ain't no timeCopy !req
224. for "every pimp
for himself."Copy !req
225. And you know what I say, sucker?Copy !req
226. Every pimp for himself!Copy !req
227. Wait, Crenshaw Pete!Copy !req
228. There's still some pimp room
on that lifeboat!Copy !req
229. So long, sons of bitches!Copy !req
230. Aaaah!Copy !req
231. Never mind.Copy !req
232. Aah!Copy !req
233. Oh, God!
Oh, damn!Copy !req
234. What the hell?Copy !req
235. Leroy Van Nuys?
I thought you were dead!Copy !req
236. Then you thought wrong,
Lucky Charms,Copy !req
237. 'cause it's
the opposite of that.Copy !req
238. You been laying around here
givin' birth all day.Copy !req
239. Now get your ass out there
and get me my money,Copy !req
240. you lazy ho.Copy !req
241. When I was drownin'
in a sink full of pimp juice,Copy !req
242. turnin' blue and not breathin',Copy !req
243. y'all thought I was dead.Copy !req
244. Then, when my mama left her pimpCopy !req
245. and he blasted out my chest
with his shotgun,Copy !req
246. y'all thought I was dead.Copy !req
247. Then, when I needed
that kidney transplantCopy !req
248. and all the pimps was
matching donorsCopy !req
249. but nobody gave me oneCopy !req
250. and y'all stuck my ass in a boxCopy !req
251. and put me in the ground,Copy !req
252. y'all thought I was dead.Copy !req
253. But guess what...
Leroy Van Nuys is alive!Copy !req
254. The opposite of what
y'all 'bout to be... dead.Copy !req
255. Your tragic back story is
just water under the bridge now.Copy !req
256. Why are you doing this?Copy !req
257. 'Cause I'm a motherfucking
pimp, motherfucker.Copy !req
258. This is the most cold-blooded
shit I could come up with.Copy !req
259. Now, we're not opposed to
negotiation, Leroy.Copy !req
260. You're amongst rational people.Copy !req
261. After all, we're all pimps here.Copy !req
262. Say, if I remember correctly,Copy !req
263. you owe me a pot of gold,
sucker.Copy !req
264. Take it all!Copy !req
265. I don't really care at all
about me gold anyway.Copy !req
266. Too late. You screwed me
out of 10 grand,Copy !req
267. so how I'm gonna screw you
with 10 grand,Copy !req
268. you little midget motherfucker.Copy !req
269. I'm seein' pink hearts,
yellow moons,Copy !req
270. green clovers, blue diamonds,
and a white light.Copy !req
271. Eww! That's just nasty!Copy !req
272. You see, that's why
none of y'all can compete,Copy !req
273. 'cause a real pimp
ain't got no heart.Copy !req
274. Aw, hell, Robot Pimp shitCopy !req
275. and Money Fat Boy done fell out.Copy !req
276. This some bullshit here.
I got to get off this train.Copy !req
277. Black Dynamite!Copy !req
278. Yeah.Copy !req
279. Sun, when capability is diminished,Copy !req
280. overlook not any resource,Copy !req
281. even the aid of
a despised white rival...Copy !req
282. when you have the flu.Copy !req
283. Sun Tzu, you
got me going to the pigs.Copy !req
284. I sure hope
your ancient wisdom knowsCopy !req
285. what the hell
it's talking about.Copy !req
286. Normally, I would never come
to no cracker copCopy !req
287. for his honky help,
but the proverbial shitCopy !req
288. has literally
hit the actual fan.Copy !req
289. Sorry, Black Dynamite.Copy !req
290. It's kind of hard
paying attention to youCopy !req
291. and playing pong
at the same time.Copy !req
292. It is really, really good.Copy !req
293. You will be meeting horrific deathCopy !req
294. at the edge of Snake Canyon.Copy !req
295. Attention,
Player's Ball Express.Copy !req
296. Do you read me, Player's Ball?Copy !req
297. This is Player's Ball Express.Copy !req
298. Identify yourself, sucker!
Over.Copy !req
299. - Who the hell is this?
- I asked you first.Copy !req
300. Now answer my question,
then say, "over"Copy !req
301. when you done
speaking, motherfucker.Copy !req
302. Over.Copy !req
303. This is Black Dynamite,
the man who's gonnaCopy !req
304. fuck up your hijacking plan.Copy !req
305. Now, who the fuck are you?Copy !req
306. You didn't say, "over."
Over.Copy !req
307. Over, goddamn it, over!Copy !req
308. This is Leroy Van Nuys,Copy !req
309. the coldest cat to ever call
himself a pimp.Copy !req
310. And right now, I got the game
in a headlock,Copy !req
311. and I ain't lettin' go,Copy !req
312. even if the motherfucker
taps out.Copy !req
313. And the police ain't gonna do
nothing to stop me! Over.Copy !req
314. He's right, Black Dynamite.Copy !req
315. We're not gonna do nothing
to stop him.Copy !req
316. Sun Tzu said,
"confront the enemyCopy !req
317. using the element of surprise.Copy !req
318. Use any necessary means,Copy !req
319. or, more specifically,
take the pigs' helicopter."Copy !req
320. Ping-pong ain't got shit on me!Copy !req
321. Sun Tzu, I like the way
you thinking...Copy !req
322. when I have the flu.Copy !req
323. Now, if we're gonna get
on that trainCopy !req
324. and save the game and my crew
from total devastation,Copy !req
325. there's one thing I'ma need
to do first.Copy !req
326. Ain't no way I'm showing up
to a Player's BallCopy !req
327. in a bathrobe,Copy !req
328. even if it is to save
everybody's life.Copy !req
329. Sun Tzu said,
"it is better to look goodCopy !req
330. than to feel good...Copy !req
331. when you have the flu."Copy !req
332. I may look like a million,
but I still feel like hell.Copy !req
333. I'm gonna need a extra
handkerchief with this getup,Copy !req
334. and I'm gonna need a co-pilot.Copy !req
335. Now, what do you say, Sun Tzu?Copy !req
336. Comme ci or comme ça?Copy !req
337. Sun Tzu said, "is a pig's
pussy pork?"Copy !req
338. All pussy is pork to me,Copy !req
339. and Black Dynamite don't
eat no swine.Copy !req
340. Too close to the behind.Copy !req
341. Black Dynamite, is that you?Copy !req
342. Yes. Over.Copy !req
343. Since you made the effort
and showed up in person,Copy !req
344. I guess I won't hold you
to no C.B. etiquette no more.Copy !req
345. I didn't get dressed up
in these fuck-you you threads,Copy !req
346. steal a police chopper,
and fly all the way over hereCopy !req
347. to discuss no damn C.B.
etiquette, and you know this!Copy !req
348. Oh, you came to talk to me
about these so-called pimps?Copy !req
349. You know what the best thing
is about a pimp?Copy !req
350. There's so many ways to serve
these motherfuckers up, man!Copy !req
351. Pimps are the fruits
of the streets!Copy !req
352. Why did you waste all this
perfectly good pimping,Copy !req
353. Leroy Van Nuys?Copy !req
354. That just ain't cool, Jack.Copy !req
355. I don't know what the fuck
you is, Black Dynamite,Copy !req
356. but I'll tell you what you ain't...
A stone-cold pimp!Copy !req
357. My stone-cold pimpin'
ain't on trial,Copy !req
358. you platinum-headed freaky deek!Copy !req
359. Attention, Player's Ball Express.Copy !req
360. That crunching sound
you just heardCopy !req
361. accompanied by those
bumps you just feltCopy !req
362. was the death of your
only hope...Copy !req
363. because the Player's Ball ExpressCopy !req
364. just pulled a train on
Black Dynamite.Copy !req
365. And ain't nobody got
shit to say?Copy !req
366. Well, choo motherfuckin' choo,
then.Copy !req
367. See, I told you!
We're all gonna die!Copy !req
368. - Sun Tzu said...
- Not now, Sun Tzu.Copy !req
369. Black Dynamite's got to focusCopy !req
370. on getting his ass up
from under this train,Copy !req
371. or you and me both
gonna be ancient history.Copy !req
372. A party just ain't a partyCopy !req
373. without the tangy zip
of Black Dynamite.Copy !req
374. Black Dynamite, you're alive!
But you look like shit.Copy !req
375. Have you taken your medicine?Copy !req
376. I thought I told you
Black Dynamite don't believeCopy !req
377. in no Western medicine.Copy !req
378. Now I think I'm gonna have to...
fall on my face.Copy !req
379. Black Dynamite lives?Copy !req
380. Destroy him, my Isaacs!Copy !req
381. Sun Tzu said,
"sometimes ancient booksCopy !req
382. with profound sayings
just don't cut it...Copy !req
383. when you have the flu."Copy !req
384. So, what are you saying,
Sun Tzu?Copy !req
385. And what do you mean?Copy !req
386. Take some goddamn
medicine alreadyCopy !req
387. so you won't have the flu!Copy !req
388. Ah fuck it.Copy !req
389. Huh?Copy !req
390. Then it all ends here,
where it all began...Copy !req
391. My own bloodstream.Copy !req
392. It's time to fight this flu
to the death,Copy !req
393. once and for all.
Over!Copy !req
394. You flu motherfuckers knew
about red blood cellsCopy !req
395. and white blood cells,Copy !req
396. but y'all ain't ready
for these black blood cells!Copy !req
397. Suey!Copy !req
398. Suey! Suey!Copy !req
399. Suey!Copy !req
400. Suey!Copy !req
401. Sueeey!Copy !req
402. I told you my stone-cold pimpin'
wasn't in question!Copy !req
403. You're crazy, man!
Let me go!Copy !req
404. Take the motherfucking
controller!Copy !req
405. This pimp enough, you jive-ass,Copy !req
406. cavity-creep, stuffy-head,
fever,Copy !req
407. so-you-can-rest motherfucker!Copy !req
408. Put a pimp down, man.
You know I'm handicap!Copy !req
409. N-o-o-o-o!Copy !req
410. Sun Tzu! Sun Tzu!
Where the fuck are you?Copy !req
411. I did it!
I killed the flu...Copy !req
412. when I had the flu!Copy !req
413. Tasty Freeze? What are
you doin' in my blood stream?Copy !req
414. We're not inside your blood
stream, Black Dynamite.Copy !req
415. You're on the Player's Ball
Express,Copy !req
416. and you just killed
Leroy Van Nuys.Copy !req
417. Great outfit, by the way.Copy !req
418. Not to sound
like a whole asshole,Copy !req
419. but Van Nuys was
holding the remoteCopy !req
420. to this whole damn train
that is now out of control!Copy !req
421. Oh shit, Black Dynamite.Copy !req
422. That sign just said that
the tracks are about to end!Copy !req
423. We're headed for that ravine,Copy !req
424. and there ain't no way
to slow us down!Copy !req
425. Then the only thing we can do
is speed this train up!Copy !req
426. Quick, what are diamonds
before they are diamonds?Copy !req
427. Carbon.Copy !req
428. Which is close enough
to coal for me.Copy !req
429. Everybody throw your ice
into that furnace.Copy !req
430. What? Would you rather die?Copy !req
431. Damn it, would you let
a pimp think?Copy !req
432. Not my diamond bolo tie!Copy !req
433. Damn. That's not enough!
We need more diamonds!Copy !req
434. Let's throw Icey Ice in there!
His ass wanted to be cremated!Copy !req
435. Sue-e-e-y!Copy !req
436. Whew!
Man, I feel great.Copy !req
437. Now, who wants
to go back to my padCopy !req
438. for the Player's Ball
after party?Copy !req
439. Y'all thought I was dead.Copy !req