1. Ladies and homosexuals!
Copy !req
2. Welcome to the Dry Hump!
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3. Coming to the stage, we have a
very special guest tonight.
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4. We've seen him in such films as
"Big Trouble In Little Vagina,"
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5. "Oceans 11 inches,"
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6. "Enter The Shit
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7. Enter With A Dragon"!
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8. Give it up for my main man,
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9. Ringo-o-o-o-o Mandingo-o-o-o-o!
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10. This is my main man.
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11. Put that ding-a-ling in ya
mouth and see how it feel!
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12. Mandingo is in the house!
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13. Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling,
ding-a-ling!
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14. Throw your money, baby!
Throw your money!
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15. Throw your money cash
in the house, baby!
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16. Come on, baby!
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17. Yeah!
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18. Mandingo-o-o-o-o-o-o!
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19. Hey, you need to watch
the way you swervin'.
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20. You're driving Ringo Mandingo,
baby.
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21. I'm about to star in the biggest
porn film that's ever been seen.
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22. I ain't got no insurance on this
here thang between my legs.
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23. You know what I'm sayin'?
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24. Wait. Why are we in this alley?
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25. Oh... no...
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26. This week...
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27. I've never seen
anything like it.
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28. It's unbelievable.
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29. It's a terrible scene.
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30. Can't believe it.
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31. Ah, look at this.
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32. Damn.
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33. I heard you had a murderous
killin' last night,
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34. Chief Humphry Magilahorn, but
this shit here looks intense.
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35. That's right, Black Dynamite,
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36. it does look intense —
and it is.
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37. My wife of 13 years just walked
out on me,
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38. I forgot to put deodorant on,
and I got hemorrhoids in
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39. my ass nipples.
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40. Hemorrhoids in your ass nipples
must make for painful farts,
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41. but I think what Black
Dynamite's talkin' 'bout
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42. is all these chopped-up
body parts.
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43. Oh. Yeah. That.
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44. I guess that's pretty bad,
too.
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45. This guy's body is
all over the place.
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46. There was a leg in the dumpster,
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47. a foot over there in a
pile of shit and a —
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48. Hey!
What's this over here?
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49. Looks like a baby arm.
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50. Cream Corn, that's
no baby arm —
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51. More like an
elephant trunk.
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52. That's Ringo Mandingo.
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53. I'd recognize that
tubesteak anywhere.
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54. What?
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55. Oh, no!
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56. Cousin Ringo!
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57. I'm so sad to
see you go.
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58. Bullhorn?
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59. You mean to tell me you're
related to this Mandingo?
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60. Yes.
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61. Ever since we
were teeny-weeny,
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62. cousin Ringy's winky was
long like a slinky.
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63. Mama, look here!
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64. You gonna be amazed!
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65. I finished the school year
with no missed days
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66. and 10 straight A's.
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67. Uh, don't nobody care
about your grades.
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68. Bullhorn, I'm runnin' out of
money for your Cousin Ringo.
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69. Go upstairs and get your piggy
bank so I can give him some
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70. mo' dough.
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71. This is illegal somewhere.
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72. Yeah, even though my
grades were the best
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73. and I could rhyme and sing,
Ringo was the one who
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74. was blessed with the
supersized ding-a-ling.
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75. Aww.
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76. I feel so sorry for you,
Bullhorn.
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77. I didn't know you were part
of the itty-bitty committee.
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78. At least you got a
good personality.
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79. Yeah, Ringo had it all,
and with that thang,
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80. he could never lose.
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81. I would give anything
and my mama
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82. just to walk in his underoos.
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83. Why would anyone want to kill
a man with such a big dick?
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84. Hm.
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85. As soon as a black
shaft starts to rise,
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86. the man has to
bring him down.
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87. Can you dig it?
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88. Nah, Black Dynamite,
it ain't the mans this time.
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89. This is the work
of a serial killer.
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90. This makes the fourth black
porn star this week.
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91. They were all supposed to be in
that new interracial skin flick.
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92. Ladies and gentlemen,
we've seen horse on horse.
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93. We've seen horse on girl,
boy on girl, boy on boy,
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94. black boy on boy.
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95. We've seen white
girl on horse.
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96. And now we are
about to break
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97. the last erotic
taboo there is left —
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98. The first
black-on-white porn.
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99. "Willy Wanker And
The Chocolate Fucktory"
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100. Rated Triple-X.
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101. The first one to get
picked off was Slappy Long Strokem,
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102. then Humpy Dangle...
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103. Darth Invader...
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104. Pelvis Pressly...
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105. Dickie Jiggler...
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106. and now... Ringo Mandingo.
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107. Whew!
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108. Now, that's a mouthful.
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109. We need to do something.
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110. Now, you stay out of this one,
Black Dynamite.
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111. We don't need your vigilante
justice on this case.
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112. Now, see there? I wasn't
even gonna take the case.
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113. But since you said notto
take it, I'm-a take it.
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114. Is that right?
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115. Wrong or right,
right or wrong —
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116. When a cracker tells Black
Dynamite not to do something,
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117. he does it, Jack.
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118. Well, in that case,
don't go jump off a bridge,
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119. Black Dynamite.
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120. Your reverse honky psychology
don't work on me, Copper.
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121. Black Dynamite's on the case.
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122. Hey, Chief!
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123. We found two bowling balls!
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124. A-a-a-a-a-and action!
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125. Did somebody order a pizza?
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126. Ooh.
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127. I thought you
would never come.
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128. Now get in here and
give me that anchovy.
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129. Cut! Cut! Cut!
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130. How many times do I
have to tell you?
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131. It's "Sausage"!
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132. An anchovy is not a
euphemism for a penis!
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133. When have you ever heard a man
refer to his wiener as a tiny,
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134. smelly fish?
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135. - Um...
Shut... up!
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136. Everybody, take five!
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137. I thought "Anchovies"
was a good choice.
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138. Black Dynamite.
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139. You finally changed your mind
after all these years.
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140. You ready to get
back in the business?
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141. I thought I told you
honkies from the
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142. adult-film industry
that Black Dynamite
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143. don't hump on
film no more.
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144. Now, I don't mean to butt
in on your butt flick,
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145. but I'm here to investigate
some porn murders.
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146. Have you seen anything abnormal
around here lately?
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147. Hmph. I wish I have.
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148. That's the problem.
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149. Everything here is too normal.
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150. Porn has gotten so ass-boring
nowadays, Black Dynamite.
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151. I came over to this table to
get me a little treat,
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152. but it turns out you pink toes
are the one I want to eat.
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153. I don't know how many places
a man can stick his anchovy
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154. before it becomes redundant.
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155. You mean "Sausage"?
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156. Whatever.
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157. I need something different,
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158. something unique that
hasn't been done before.
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159. You're a bottom bitch,
I'll betcha.
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160. 'Cause I'm the white
pussy stretcher.
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161. My dream was to do this
"Willy Wanker" movie,
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162. but Ringo's dead, and
those are some pretty big,
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163. black shorts to fill.
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164. I'll break your heart.
Better watch out, girl.
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165. I'm certified in cunnilingus
in all corners of the world!
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166. Wow!
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167. Look at all those
panties droppin'!
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168. In all my years
in this business,
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169. I have never seen
a penis do that —
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170. not even Ringo's!
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171. It's the way he
rhymes those words.
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172. That's it!
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173. I'm gonna make you a star!
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174. A big, bright, black, shining
star!
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175. Yes! This is good!
I love it!
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176. That's wonderful, Bullhorn!
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177. You're gonna be famous,
just like Ringo.
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178. They say it's the
motion of the ocean,
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179. not the size
of the boat.
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180. But I guess neither one matters
when you got a sweet throat.
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181. That should
be your name —
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182. "Sweet Throat" —
Kind of rolls off the tongue,
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183. like "Cream Corn."
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184. Okay, now. We can't let
all these sweet throats
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185. and panties distract us
from our porn mission.
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186. Oops. Sorry.
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187. Now, Bullhorn, I'm-a need
you to go undercover —
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188. Deeper than you
ever been before.
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189. I want you to pretend to be one
of these fuckers so you can
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190. bring this sucker down.
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191. Don't worry, Black Dynamite.
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192. I'll go deeper than any
deep-sea diver or oil driller.
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193. I'll be the best undercover lover
and find cousin Ringo's killer.
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194. Damn. He's good.
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195. Ladies, as you can see,
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196. I'm just an ordinary
porn star fuckin'
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197. and suckin' for a check.
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198. But would any of you
professional hoes
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199. happen to know who rung
Ringo Mandingds neck?
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200. "Pipe Reams,"
take 4.
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201. I'm too cool with a big
0l' tool that'll make you
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202. Call your mama tonight!
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203. And when she answers the phone,
tell her Mr. Sweet Throat
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204. himself is layin'
the windpipes just right.
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205. Yes! This is good!
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206. Hello?
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207. Is it me you're
lookin' for'?
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208. Bullhorn,
what's the skinny?
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209. You find this
serial-killin' turkey yet?
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210. Sorry, Black Dynamite, but
I ain't got no time to waste.
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211. Right about now, Sweet Throat
has to get back on the case.
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212. Well, let me know if you need some help,
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213. because I ain't really
doing shit right now.
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214. We're sorry. If you'd like —
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215. Black Dynamite ain't
used to waiting
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216. for nobody
to do nothing.
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217. I got to think of something to
take my mind off of all this thinking.
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218. "Facial Delivery,"
take 2.
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219. Special delivery for
Ms. Mary Mack.
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220. I can give it to you
here in the front
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221. or I can put it in the back.
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222. Yes! I love it!
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223. Suey Suey Suey Suey Suey!
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224. "Spontaneous Cumbustin',"
take 5.
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225. Ma'am, I got a complaint
that some pussy was
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226. stuck in a tree.
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227. If anybody can
get that cat,
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228. you can bet your vagingo
it's gonna be me.
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229. Oh, my God.
This is fucking gorgeous!
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230. Rack focus! Rack focus!
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231. Yes! I love it!
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232. Black Dynamite.
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233. Black Dynamite!
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234. Black Dynamite!
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235. Honey Bee, what did I tell
you about interruptin'
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236. my jump-ropin'?
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237. Man, you got this place
smellin' like hot-dog water.
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238. You need to get out
of this dojo.
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239. You been here for two weeks.
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240. Hello?
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241. Black Dynamite, I know you told
me not to interrupt your
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242. jump-roping, but this
is getting really serious.
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243. Please don't tell me another
black dick is in the dirt.
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244. No.
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245. It's way, way worse than a
black dick this time, Dynamite.
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246. It's a white woman!
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247. And she's white!
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248. Chief Magilahorn, no disrespect,
but crackers come and go.
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249. What else you got?
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250. One more thing.
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251. There's only two
black porn stars left,
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252. and if somebody slays
Isaac Layes...
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253. then your man
Bullhorn is next.
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254. Damn.
With a sting like that,
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255. I know it's got to be
some heavy shit.
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256. Don't you worry, Chief.
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257. You told me not
to catch this turkey,
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258. so I promised to catch him.
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259. Everything all right,
B.D.?
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260. No. Things are getting deeper
and deeper
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261. within the thighs
of this porn case,
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262. and I haven't heard a thing
from Bullhorn this whole time
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263. I've been
jumping this rope.
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264. I'm sure everything's
gonna be fine,
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265. Black Dynamite.
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266. Give Bullhorn a chance.
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267. He might surprise you.
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268. But if he donTsurprise me,
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269. he might wake up dead.
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270. Isaac Layes, being a porn
star is better than sex.
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271. All the fame, all the dames,
all the motherfucking checks.
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272. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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273. It's all right, I guess.
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274. But I sure do miss
your cousin Ringo.
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275. You know, even though he did
have a supersized ding-a-ling,
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276. He was always jealous of you
'cause you could rhyme and sing.
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277. Hey, well, I'd love to hang
out with you some more,
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278. Sweet Throat, but I gots to go
read this "Willy Wanker" script.
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279. You see, it was supposed
to be Ringo's role,
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280. but since we're
the only two black porn stars left,
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281. looks like we gettin' all
the work from now on, baby.
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282. You a bad motherfucker.
No, you a bad motherfucker.
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283. No, you a bad mother—
shut yo' mouth!
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284. My grave —
Ca" you dig it?
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285. Hold on to your hoohahs
and your chachas,
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286. 'cause Sweet Throat gotcha!
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287. They call me Sweet Dick Willy,
the three-hole filler
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288. 'cause I'm a thrilla in vanilla
and the bedspring killer!
Copy !req
289. Bullhorn, what kind of triple-x
treachery has taken over you?
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290. "Bullhorn"?
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291. Man, I'm so loved
and motherfuckin' rich!
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292. From now on, you call me
"Sweet Throat," bitch!
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293. I got a riddle for you
tonight that's outta sight!
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294. What did the five fingers
say to the black —
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295. Security! Securityl!
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296. I need you to secure me!
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297. Suey!
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298. Mama.
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299. Bullhorn, I knew you was
way in over your head,
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300. but it's worse
than I thought.
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301. You way in over your
head and your body.
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302. The only reason I wanted you
to stick your dick in the porn
Copy !req
303. business was to catch this
serial killer with it.
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304. But I see you're only
using it to live the life.
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305. Now, I know you're having fun
making whoopee with your throat,
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306. but there's still a killer out
there on the loose that has a
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307. bullet with "Bullhorn"
written all over it.
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308. Black Dynamite, you were
blessed with the talent to
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309. fuck up a sucker.
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310. I was blessed with the talent
to rhyme "sucker" with "fucker".
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311. I'm bigger than any serial
killer could ever be.
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312. So how 'bout you go
solve crimes and kick ass
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313. and just let me be me?
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314. It's my fault,
Honey Bee.
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315. I should have been the
undercover dick in this porn
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316. case instead of Bullhorn,
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317. and then he wouldn't be
experiencing the life.
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318. Well, Black Dynamite,
they do say experience
Copy !req
319. is the best teacher.
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320. Yeah, but somebody's got
to teach experience.
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321. Never mind.
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322. It sounded deep
when I thought it.
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323. I just wish I could think deep
about who this killer is so we
Copy !req
324. can save Bullhorn.
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325. Here you go, Black Dynamite.
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326. Two orders of
grits and jello.
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327. Enjoy!
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328. Wait.
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329. Roscoe, say what you
just said again.
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330. "Enjoy"?
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331. No. Before that.
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332. "Two orders of
grits and jello"?
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333. Before that.
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334. "Here you go"?
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335. After that.
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336. "Black Dynamite"?
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337. Yes!
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338. And what's on
Black Dynamite's plate?
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339. Grits and jello?
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340. Exactly!
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341. Quick —
what does jello do,
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342. beside taste
shitty with grits?
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343. Wiggle?
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344. Jiggle!
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345. And why is jello so
wiggly and jiggly?
Copy !req
346. Jello is so wiggly and jiggly
because it's made with gelatin,
Copy !req
347. which is formed with the protein
molecules found in a fibrous
Copy !req
348. material called collagen.
Copy !req
349. That can also be found in cream
cheese, gravies, sausage, and
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350. marshmallows!
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351. That's right.
Copy !req
352. Marshmallows.
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353. And what do you call a
marshmallow with a layer of
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354. chocolate, sandwiched between
two pieces of graham crackers
Copy !req
355. at a campfire?
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356. A S'more!
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357. You damn right, Honey Bee,
and I'm-a give you some more.
Copy !req
358. Now, what's the only thing
blacker than a s'more
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359. that's not
at a campfire?
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360. Chuck Berry.
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361. Close,
but blacker than that.
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362. A Black Panther.
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363. Now, the only panthers we know
that ain't black are what?
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364. Pink!
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365. Now, everybody — what's the
theme from "The Pink Panther"?
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366. Now rewind that and
slow it down.
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367. ♪ Da-dant, dad-ant, dad-ant —
Copy !req
368. Dead ant!
Copy !req
369. And when an ant ain't dead,
he lives in a colony,
Copy !req
370. and another word
for "Colony" is...?
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371. A clan?
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372. Which is short for...?
Copy !req
373. Ku Klux Klan!
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374. Right.
Copy !req
375. So what they're really
saying is...
Copy !req
376. The Black Panthers and
the Klan took out Ringo!
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377. They're the only ones that
wouldn't want to see a
Copy !req
378. black willy inside
a white lily!
Copy !req
379. Honey Bee, you follow
these fuck flicks.
Copy !req
380. When is the filming of this
black-and-white chocolate fucktory.
Copy !req
381. Oh shit Black Dynamite —
I think it's tonight.
Copy !req
382. We got to do something quick,
fast, and in a hurry,
Copy !req
383. and we can't
waste no time.
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384. Honey Bee, Cream Corn, let's
make like a banana and split.
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385. That's it!
Copy !req
386. The Black Panthers and
the Klan took out Ringo!
Copy !req
387. A-a-a-a-and action!
Copy !req
388. Ladies, hold your breast, make
a wish, and count to three.
Copy !req
389. Willy Wanker's about to fulfill
all your chocolate fantasies.
Copy !req
390. Come with me.
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391. I will please.
Copy !req
392. In a world that's
purely interracial.
Copy !req
393. On your knees, little sleaze,
and you'll see
Copy !req
394. when you perform fellatio.
Copy !req
395. The only way to make
things proppa...
Copy !req
396. is to suck on my
everlasting gobstoppa!
Copy !req
397. You can suck it till tomorra...
and it'll never get smalla!
Copy !req
398. I'll begin...
Copy !req
399. in your end...
Copy !req
400. With a swirl of chocolate
penetration.
Copy !req
401. What you'll feel...
Copy !req
402. will exceed...
Copy !req
403. any Caucasian expectations.
Copy !req
404. Honkies, don't try this at home,
'cause you might break
Copy !req
405. your bone.
Copy !req
406. If you want to feel paradise,
simply drop your drawers
Copy !req
407. and screw it.
Copy !req
408. Anything you want,
we'll do it.
Copy !req
409. Want a ménage à trois?
Copy !req
410. Ain't a damn thing to it.
Copy !req
411. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
412. Looks like too many umpa
humpas in the rumpa.
Copy !req
413. There's no honky that I
know that compares
Copy !req
414. to willy and his wanker.
Copy !req
415. Once you go black,
you won't go back.
Copy !req
416. Yes, it's true —
we do all pack.
Copy !req
417. Why don't you drop that
black wanker, Willy?
Copy !req
418. You heard the pecker —
drop the dick.
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419. Put it on the floor.
Yeah.
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420. This is good! Keep rolling.
Copy !req
421. This can't be the dream Martin
Luther King had in sight.
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422. When the Ku Klux Klan and Black
Panthers would unite to fight.
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423. That's "Black Pumas."
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424. Huey P. already
trademarked the panther.
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425. As it turns out, not only
was Huey P. a hell of a
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426. revolutionary, he was
also extremely litigious.
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427. Now, the Black Pumas and the
Ku Klux Klan members all over
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428. The world have worked too long
and hard to establish our hatred
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429. for each other for you porn
stars to come along with one
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430. interracial fuck flick
and take it all away!
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431. Do you know how many lynchin's
and cross-burnin's it
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432. took to get here?
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433. You have no idea what kind of
sacrifices we've made,
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434. do you, boy?
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435. So yeah, we have come
together for a short period
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436. of time to stop you
counterrevolutionary motherfuckers.
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437. 'Cause once you open
them black-on-white
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438. fuck gates...
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439. They'll never be
able to close.
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440. Hang him by the balls,
bubbah!
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441. Kiss your black willy goodbye,
porn boy.
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442. What the hell?
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443. If you're wondering where
the real crackers are,
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444. let's just say
they're tied up.
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445. 'Cause I tied 'em up.
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446. From the look of things,
I thought this would be
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447. the last time a motherfucker
would hear me rhyme,
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448. but my main man, Black Dynamite,
came right on time.
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449. Now ain't the time for this
Kumbaya shit. Bullhorn,
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450. let's go integrate our
feet in some racist ass!
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451. Yes! I love it!
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452. Roll the music!
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453. Ahhhh!
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454. Wait! We all brothers!
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455. Suey!
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456. - No!
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457. Get her! Get her! Get her!
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458. Get her! Get her!
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459. Sucka, take that!
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460. This mushroom dick
in your ass!
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461. I'm sorry,
Black Dynamite.
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462. I was way out of my league.
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463. Curiosity killed the cat,
but Sweet Thr— I mean,
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464. Bullhorn was almost
murdered by greed.
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465. It's okay, Bullhorn.
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466. I think the most important thing
we learned is that, sometimes,
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467. having a giant johnson is just
enough rope to hang yourself.
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468. The moral of the day is,
"Bullhorn shouldn't get
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469. paid for gettin' laid,
because a bird in the hand
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470. is worth two in the bush
or three in the tush."
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471. Wait — was that the
moral of the story?
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472. I thought it was not mixing
pornos with friendships.
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473. Or was that mixing pumas
and crackers?
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474. No.
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475. The moral was definitely "don't
fuck with a white bitch,
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476. or you'll end up dead.
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477. And cut! That's a wrap!
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