1. Previously on
"Black Dynamite"...Copy !req
2. All right, freeze!Copy !req
3. Aw, look at the police!Copy !req
4. Didn't you see the sign?Copy !req
5. "No Ninja Loitering"!Copy !req
6. Who you callin' a ninja?Copy !req
7. Backup! Backup!Copy !req
8. I think I'm gonna need backup!Copy !req
9. Get him. Get his ass.Copy !req
10. Look at this old,
green bitch.Copy !req
11. You know what it is!Copy !req
12. Come up off that purse, ho!Copy !req
13. Ninja, please!Copy !req
14. You ninja!Copy !req
15. Don't take my purse!Copy !req
16. Hey, ho!Copy !req
17. I been robbing fools all day.Copy !req
18. Now give a ninja some ass,
and it better be clean!Copy !req
19. Look here, ninja.Copy !req
20. You ain't got to talk toCopy !req
21. Bitches like that!Copy !req
22. Black Dynamite,
pimpin' ain't never been easyCopy !req
23. in these streets,Copy !req
24. but now it's damn
near impossible.Copy !req
25. We are being pushed around by
a bunch of out-of-control,Copy !req
26. ignorant ninjas that just
ain't respectin' the game,Copy !req
27. Black Dynamite!Copy !req
28. Hmm.Copy !req
29. The police think they can
shoot a ninja in the back justCopy !req
30. because he's a ninja?Copy !req
31. I say fuck that!Copy !req
32. I say, Ninja Power!Copy !req
33. Wu! Wu! Wu! Wu!Copy !req
34. Wu! Ninja! Wu!
Ninja! Wu! Ninja!Copy !req
35. This week...Copy !req
36. Chauncey, how your baby-mama doing?Copy !req
37. Ninja, I ain't Chauncey.Copy !req
38. Sorry, my ninja. These damn masks, man.Copy !req
39. Honey Bee, how are them
explosive charges coming'?Copy !req
40. All set to blow, Black Dynamite.Copy !req
41. Good.Copy !req
42. Bullhorn, we wired up yet?Copy !req
43. No doubt.Copy !req
44. Just about.Copy !req
45. All right, gang,Copy !req
46. you got until "Three-Mississippi"Copy !req
47. to split if you want to
keep your asses intact.Copy !req
48. Meet me at the getaway car,
just like we planned.Copy !req
49. It's time to send fiendish
Doctor Wu a message —Copy !req
50. All the ninjas in the world are
no match for a couple of decentCopy !req
51. black folks working together with a plan...Copy !req
52. and some explosives.Copy !req
53. One-Mississippi,
two-Mississippi...Copy !req
54. Cream Corn, step on it!Copy !req
55. And put your
ankles in it!Copy !req
56. Damn it!
Where the hell is Cream Corn?Copy !req
57. Yeah, yeah!Copy !req
58. Go get him! Go get him!Copy !req
59. Cream Corn?Copy !req
60. I know this motherfucker ain't
dancing on the "Soul Train" lineCopy !req
61. while we up to our necks
in ninja shit.Copy !req
62. Hey, brother.Copy !req
63. You got something
you want to sayCopy !req
64. to all your friends
out there?Copy !req
65. Hey, Black Dynamite!Copy !req
66. I'm on TV!Copy !req
67. Who the guest this week?Copy !req
68. And now, Ladies and Gentlemen,
the Jackson 5!Copy !req
69. I love you, Michael!
That's Michael Jackson!Copy !req
70. Aaaaaahh!Copy !req
71. See?Copy !req
72. I told y'all damn kids!Copy !req
73. This gon' hurt me as much
as it's gon' hurt you.Copy !req
74. Hey, my man.Copy !req
75. How do I get back to
see my man Mike Jack?Copy !req
76. No way.Copy !req
77. Mr. Jackson says nobody
goes backstage.Copy !req
78. I'm sorry, Michael.Copy !req
79. We all so—Copy !req
80. Shut your ass, Joseph!Copy !req
81. These motherfuckers messed
up on "Soul Train."Copy !req
82. On "So-o-u-u-ul Train"!Copy !req
83. Obviously whooping the living
shit out of these boys twiceCopy !req
84. a day ain't working out,Copy !req
85. so we're gonna try
something different.Copy !req
86. Thank God.Copy !req
87. You're gonna beat they
asses four times a day!Copy !req
88. Man.Copy !req
89. Or do y'all want what
happened to Shamone?Copy !req
90. I ain't no pedophile
or nothing.Copy !req
91. I just want to
see Mike Jack!Copy !req
92. Don't be a
pussy Joe.Copy !req
93. Kill one of these
kids with your belt!Copy !req
94. No!
Please, Michael!Copy !req
95. It's the only way these
motherfuckers are gonna learn.Copy !req
96. Somebody's got to die.Copy !req
97. No! This abuse has been
going on long enough.Copy !req
98. The magic and the
madness ends right now!Copy !req
99. Run, boys!
Save yourself!Copy !req
100. It's over, Michael.Copy !req
101. It's over!Copy !req
102. Oh, my God!Copy !req
103. Marlon Jackson?
Tito Jackson?Copy !req
104. Jermaine Jackson?Copy !req
105. What's going on
with you Jacksons?Copy !req
106. Beating... our asses...
Michael!Copy !req
107. Michael's getting
his ass beat?Copy !req
108. Oh, my god!Copy !req
109. And to think, Michael Jackson,
I treated you like you wasCopy !req
110. my own son!Copy !req
111. What? Aah!Copy !req
112. Micha-a-a-a-el!Copy !req
113. Joseph Jackson,
you are under arrest!Copy !req
114. Michael!Copy !req
115. Michael Jackson is fine,Copy !req
116. thanks to you blocking
that bullet with your ass.Copy !req
117. Damn, y'all
look fucked up.Copy !req
118. That's because we were fighting
fiendish Doctor Wu and all hisCopy !req
119. ninjas, and you were supposed to
be driving the damn getaway car.Copy !req
120. Oh, man!Copy !req
121. I forgot all about them ninjas,
Black Dynamite!Copy !req
122. It's a good thing I didn't
know Michael Jackson was gonnaCopy !req
123. be on "Soul Train," or I might
not have showed up, either.Copy !req
124. All right, look.Copy !req
125. From now on, nobody's allowed to
run off to "Soul Train" and takeCopy !req
126. a bullet for a motherfucker
without Black Dynamite's priorCopy !req
127. express written consent!Copy !req
128. Excuse me. May I come in'?Copy !req
129. Hi. I'm Michael.Copy !req
130. Oh, my God!Copy !req
131. That's Michael Jackson,
of the Jackson 5!Copy !req
132. Honey Bee, I know who
Michael Jackson is,Copy !req
133. and what he is of.Copy !req
134. Michael, are you okay?Copy !req
135. I'm fine, thanks to you.Copy !req
136. You saved my life.Copy !req
137. Mike,
that was so beautiful.Copy !req
138. Like a little
black angel.Copy !req
139. Man, Michael J., you put
some ankles in his name!Copy !req
140. Don't worry,
Michael Jackson.Copy !req
141. I'm sure that once you grow some
man-balls, you won't sound likeCopy !req
142. a little girl no more.Copy !req
143. Now, Cream Corn, these
ninjas have gone crazy,Copy !req
144. So we need to get
back to work.Copy !req
145. I'll be out in the car.Copy !req
146. Sucka ninja, tell me
what fiendish Doctor WuCopy !req
147. is up to,
and what is his plan?Copy !req
148. Wait. If I tell
you what he up to,Copy !req
149. why would I have
to tell you his plan?Copy !req
150. That's like the
same thing, man.Copy !req
151. You gonna get it together.Copy !req
152. Can't you see this jive
turkey is just using youCopy !req
153. in his diabolical plan to
achieve world-wide domination?Copy !req
154. He must've saw something in me,
you know?Copy !req
155. He chose me out
of everybody.Copy !req
156. Nice little guy, too.Copy !req
157. Talking to me...Copy !req
158. Cream Corn, how many
times I told you not toCopy !req
159. interrupt my interrogation?Copy !req
160. We need to stay focused on
breaking this ninja's will!Copy !req
161. There's a delivery for Cream Corn!Copy !req
162. Look what Michael Jackson
sent for me!Copy !req
163. A pimpin' silk cape covered with
the Japanese symbol for bravery!Copy !req
164. I've always wanted
one of these!Copy !req
165. Damn, that shit
is groovy.Copy !req
166. Y'all really know
Michael Jackson?Copy !req
167. My ninja know Jermaine,
but everybody know Jermaine.Copy !req
168. Man, it ain't even cold,
and Michael Jackson's gotCopy !req
169. it snowing in a globe.Copy !req
170. Oh, my God! Michael!Copy !req
171. What are you doing here?Copy !req
172. I just couldn't stop thinking
about that bullet that youCopy !req
173. caught in your ass for me.Copy !req
174. That was so very, very special.Copy !req
175. So I thought it might be nice
to make it Christmas in JulyCopy !req
176. for you.Copy !req
177. I hope you like it.Copy !req
178. Like it?Copy !req
179. I want to marry it!Copy !req
180. It's like a dream!Copy !req
181. Thank you, Michael Jackson!Copy !req
182. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, Michael Jackson!Copy !req
183. That Michael Jackson is
a stone-cold pimp!Copy !req
184. What's so stone-cold about a
little boy buying a motherfuckerCopy !req
185. all the things
he ever dreamed of'?Copy !req
186. I bet he couldn't swing
a nunchuck if he tried.Copy !req
187. Man! That's great!Copy !req
188. Has any of y'all seen
my grappling hooks?Copy !req
189. This is called "I got
a friend called Corn."Copy !req
190. I said, has anyone seen
my grappling hooks?Copy !req
191. Michael Jackson, will you stop
the goddamn singing,Copy !req
192. shut the fuck up,Copy !req
193. and let a grown man
find his grappling hooks?Copy !req
194. Please don't hit me,
Black Dynamite.Copy !req
195. I didn't mean
to make you mad.Copy !req
196. Trust me,
Michael Jackson.Copy !req
197. If I was gonna hit you,
you'da already been hit.Copy !req
198. Cream Corn, it's time for
Michael Jackson to go.Copy !req
199. Go?Copy !req
200. But me and Michael Jackson
about to have a sleepover!Copy !req
201. The Whorephanage is a place
for whores and orphans,Copy !req
202. Not Michael Jacksons!Copy !req
203. You know what?Copy !req
204. I think you just jealous,
Black Dynamite.Copy !req
205. Jealous?Copy !req
206. Of him?Copy !req
207. Please.Copy !req
208. Any "Solid Gold"
dancer could do that.Copy !req
209. Now, I'm not asking you,
Cream Corn —Copy !req
210. I'm telling you.Copy !req
211. Michael Jackson
has got to go!Copy !req
212. Here.Copy !req
213. How about I just buy
your little Whorephanage?Copy !req
214. Then we can have as many
sleepovers as we want.Copy !req
215. My business and these
whores are not for sale!Copy !req
216. Michael Jackson makes me happy,
Black Dynamite,Copy !req
217. and if you don't want
to see me happy,Copy !req
218. maybe I should just go.Copy !req
219. Cream Corn, if you
walk out that door,Copy !req
220. you might as well
never come back!Copy !req
221. Fine!Copy !req
222. Ain't nothin' here but a bunch
of whores and orphans anyway.Copy !req
223. Fine.
- Fine!Copy !req
224. - Fine!
Fine!Copy !req
225. Fine goddamn it, fine!Copy !req
226. Man, I just don't know what to say.Copy !req
227. You just made little
Michael Jackson moonwalk away.Copy !req
228. Mm-mm-mm.Copy !req
229. If I was you,
I'd have took the check.Copy !req
230. Huh?Copy !req
231. Look, Black Dynamite!Copy !req
232. Michael Jackson got the
whole Whorephanage flying!Copy !req
233. Pretty soon, you ain't
gonna have nobody!Copy !req
234. You should've took the check,
motherfucker.Copy !req
235. Wait. Stop!Copy !req
236. Thank you, Michael Jackson!
Thank you, Michael Jackson!Copy !req
237. Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,Copy !req
238. thank you,
Michael Jackson!Copy !req
239. What is it,
Black Dynamite?Copy !req
240. Nothing. I'm fine.Copy !req
241. You need me to
get you something?Copy !req
242. Naw, mama. I'm okay.Copy !req
243. Is everything all right?Copy !req
244. Yeah, it's all —Copy !req
245. is there something
I can get you'?Copy !req
246. Goddamn it, I already
told the second bitch "No!"Copy !req
247. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Copy !req
248. That was beautiful, but I would
maybe hit that last note just aCopy !req
249. little bit harder.Copy !req
250. A little harder?Copy !req
251. Hear that, Quincy Jones?Copy !req
252. Cream Corn thinks that I should
hit that note a little harder.Copy !req
253. How much harder,
Cream Corn?Copy !req
254. Uh, you know —Copy !req
255. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
256. Maybe just a little bit harder?Copy !req
257. Just a little harder?Copy !req
258. Not a lot harder?Copy !req
259. How hard should that hit be,
Cream Corn?Copy !req
260. Should it be this hard?Copy !req
261. Ow!
I'm sorry, Michael!Copy !req
262. Maybe this hard!Copy !req
263. How hard should it be?
This hard?Copy !req
264. I'm sorry, man!Copy !req
265. You're sorry, all right!Copy !req
266. You the sorriest motherfucker
in this motherfucker, motherfucker.Copy !req
267. Don't you ever tell
Michael Jackson how hard hisCopy !req
268. hits should be!Copy !req
269. You hear me?Copy !req
270. Yes, Michael!Copy !req
271. Yes!Copy !req
272. Cream Corn, now Why'd
you have to make me goCopy !req
273. and do that to you?Copy !req
274. I'm not mad at you.Copy !req
275. But if you do it again...Copy !req
276. I'ma kill you.Copy !req
277. Okay, Q., I want to hurry
up so Cream Corn and ICopy !req
278. can go get
some ice cream.Copy !req
279. Would you like that,
Cream Corn?Copy !req
280. Some ice cream?Copy !req
281. Ben?Copy !req
282. Man, Cream Corn is living
in the lap of luxury.Copy !req
283. That motherfuckerCopy !req
284. Michael Jackson must be
all he's cracked up to be.Copy !req
285. Oh shit, have you been hit?Copy !req
286. What are you
two doing here?Copy !req
287. Cream Corn,
what happened to your face?Copy !req
288. I am fine.Copy !req
289. Michael's just under a
lot of pressure right now.Copy !req
290. Michael did this to you?Copy !req
291. Cream Corn,
I said it once,Copy !req
292. and I'll say it again.Copy !req
293. Little boys shouldn't be laying
they hands on no grown-ass men.Copy !req
294. Oh, you comin'
home with us now.Copy !req
295. It'll get better.Copy !req
296. Michael's a genius.Copy !req
297. You know how geniuses are.Copy !req
298. Ri-right?Copy !req
299. You guys should go
before Michael sees you.Copy !req
300. Ninja, now I'm only gonna ask
you this one more time.Copy !req
301. Tell me where —Copy !req
302. I don't know them ninjas,
man!Copy !req
303. I said, tell me where —Copy !req
304. Goddamn it!Copy !req
305. Who's interrupting
my headlocking?Copy !req
306. This better not have anything
to do with Cream CornCopy !req
307. or Michael Jackson.Copy !req
308. We need to talk to you about
Cream Corn and Michael Jackson.Copy !req
309. Black Dynamite, please!Copy !req
310. That Michael Jackson ain't
who he appears to be!Copy !req
311. Cream Corn may be
in real trouble.Copy !req
312. But there's only one
way to know for sure.Copy !req
313. And what's that?Copy !req
314. You got to go get the
real dirt from his Daddy.Copy !req
315. Daddy knows.Copy !req
316. Fine.Copy !req
317. Thank you, Ninja, for
that unsolicited advice.Copy !req
318. And you riding bitch.Copy !req
319. Black Dynamite,
thank goodness you're here.Copy !req
320. Michael Jackson ain't
who he appears to be.Copy !req
321. Your friend Cream Corn
is in real trouble.Copy !req
322. Told you.Copy !req
323. Tell me more, Joe Jackson,
and keep talking.Copy !req
324. Well, it all started in a tiny,
little house in a smallCopy !req
325. town called Gary, Indiana.Copy !req
326. We was poor, and life was
shitty. Ain't nothingCopy !req
327. to do in Gary but fuck
all day and hope you make aCopy !req
328. talented baby.Copy !req
329. It seemed that
every nine months,Copy !req
330. Katherine would pop out
another Little Jackson.Copy !req
331. But each one was less
talented than the last.Copy !req
332. Rebbie...Copy !req
333. Jackie...Copy !req
334. Tito...Copy !req
335. Jermaine...Copy !req
336. Shamone...Copy !req
337. La Toya...Copy !req
338. Marlon...
talk about aCopy !req
339. goddamn losing streak.Copy !req
340. Until one night...Copy !req
341. Huh?Copy !req
342. What the he—Copy !req
343. I was amazed at first,Copy !req
344. but when I
thought about it,Copy !req
345. whatever it was that got her
pregnant just saved Joe JacksonCopy !req
346. two minutes of hard work.Copy !req
347. The very next day,
my half-alien son,Copy !req
348. Michael Joseph Jackson,
was born.Copy !req
349. I knew that baby wasn't mine
'cause that motherfuckerCopy !req
350. had talent!Copy !req
351. Scary as the shit was
the first time I saw it,Copy !req
352. the motherfucker
could sing and danceCopy !req
353. and do 'em
both really well.Copy !req
354. I needed a lead singer.Copy !req
355. That's when I decided to
raise it as my own son,Copy !req
356. and "The Jackson 5"
was birthed!Copy !req
357. I sent Tito to the Joke Shop to
find an afro wig and the widestCopy !req
358. toy nose he could find, and I
had Katherine blacken him upCopy !req
359. the best she could.Copy !req
360. And the rest is
music history.Copy !req
361. I tried to keep
this a secretCopy !req
362. for as long as I could,
but he's abusive,Copy !req
363. Black Dynamite!Copy !req
364. And every time me and the boys
start fuckin' up,Copy !req
365. he reminds us of what happened
to poor little Shamone!Copy !req
366. Shamone, Shamone, Shamonah!Copy !req
367. That's all I hear.Copy !req
368. Man, everything seems not to be
what it is, and what it is,Copy !req
369. seems not to be.Copy !req
370. My crew is in shambles, and
Cream Corn has been abductedCopy !req
371. by an alien, and I don't
even know if I can save him.Copy !req
372. Or even if he wants me to.Copy !req
373. You know, man, a ninja like me got
experience with this type of thing.Copy !req
374. What you talking 'bout,
ninja?Copy !req
375. Ninjas do wrong to each other
sometimes, and in that way,Copy !req
376. the force of the Earth
comes around the moon,Copy !req
377. and at that presence, the dirt,
it overshadows the grass,Copy !req
378. and you like,
"I can't cut this grass.Copy !req
379. There's no sun coming through."Copy !req
380. So in order to enable each
other, the two fruits have toCopy !req
381. look each other in the eye,
understand we can only be ripeCopy !req
382. as the ripe is wrong.Copy !req
383. You know what I mean?Copy !req
384. Man, I never thought I'd
see the day when theCopy !req
385. only person talking any
sense was a damn Ninja.Copy !req
386. Michael?Copy !req
387. I think...Copy !req
388. I think I want to
leave Neverland.Copy !req
389. You want to do what?Copy !req
390. I want to leave!Copy !req
391. No, you don't want to leave.Copy !req
392. You'll never want to leave!Copy !req
393. You want some fresh-baked
cookies, is what you want.Copy !req
394. Uh, no.Copy !req
395. But they smell so good!Copy !req
396. - Oh shit.
- What the hell?Copy !req
397. Look, Cream Corn.Copy !req
398. There's something you need to
know about Michael Jackson.Copy !req
399. I'm an alien, Cream Corn.Copy !req
400. Well, half — part human,
part mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa.Copy !req
401. Mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa?Copy !req
402. That's right —
Mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa.Copy !req
403. But what does
that all mean?Copy !req
404. What do you think it means?
We're aliens!Copy !req
405. We're gonna kill all the
humans and take the planet.Copy !req
406. But you don't have to worry
about that, Cream Corn.Copy !req
407. You're my friend.Copy !req
408. Phew. Thank God.Copy !req
409. I'm just gonna impregnate you
with thousands and thousandsCopy !req
410. of alien babies.Copy !req
411. Do you have any
stretch pants?Copy !req
412. What?Copy !req
413. Impregnate, my ass!Copy !req
414. Why you want to be
starting something, Cream Corn?Copy !req
415. No!Copy !req
416. Help!Copy !req
417. Aah!Copy !req
418. You can't leave,
Cream Corn!Copy !req
419. Aah!Copy !req
420. Michael Jackson,
your face is horrible!Copy !req
421. Michael Jackson,
this is it!Copy !req
422. Black Dynamite!Copy !req
423. Right on time!Copy !req
424. What are you doing here, Black Dynamite?Copy !req
425. Your bitch chose me!Copy !req
426. That's where you're wrong,
Michael Jackson.Copy !req
427. Black Dynamite's bitches
don't choose shit.Copy !req
428. Now hand over Cream Corn and
let him go free before I put aCopy !req
429. hurtin' on you real bad!Copy !req
430. Mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa.Copy !req
431. Now, you want to come again?Copy !req
432. Ninja power!Copy !req
433. Suey!Copy !req
434. Huh?Copy !req
435. Black Dynamite!Copy !req
436. Michael!Copy !req
437. Michael, speak to me!Copy !req
438. Now we're even.Copy !req
439. That's some cold, sentimental
shit you just did,Copy !req
440. Michael Jackson.Copy !req
441. Cream Corn,
you're a good friend.Copy !req
442. I'm so sorry for abusing
and terrorizing you.Copy !req
443. It's okay.Copy !req
444. It was still kind of worth it.Copy !req
445. At least you didn't
get me pregnant.Copy !req
446. Now, Michael Jackson,Copy !req
447. you need to choose whether you
want to use your human sideCopy !req
448. to save humanity, or your
alien side to destroy it.Copy !req
449. You're right.Copy !req
450. I think I finally learned my
lesson, Black Dynamite.Copy !req
451. I'm changing my ways
from this day on.Copy !req
452. And a piece of advice —Copy !req
453. if you're still gonna live
here amongst the earth folk,Copy !req
454. go back to that cute black face
with that wide-ass nose thatCopy !req
455. America fell
in love with.Copy !req
456. You know, this one,
right here.Copy !req
457. 'Cause your real face
kind of freaks me out.Copy !req
458. Maybe change your features
gradually over time, you know,Copy !req
459. so people can
get acclimated.Copy !req
460. Good idea.Copy !req
461. The other thing I would do is find a
cause you're passionate about,Copy !req
462. like saving the whales,
world peace,Copy !req
463. the children, or —Copy !req
464. That's it —
The children!Copy !req
465. I'm gonna spend all my time
thinking about the children!Copy !req
466. Thank you, Black Dynamite!Copy !req
467. Glad I could help,
Michael Jackson.Copy !req
468. Glad I could help.Copy !req