Billions 1x2

1. Previously on "Billions"...

2. When did it become a crime to succeed in this country?

3. Everyone has access to the information.

4. We just know how to analyze it better.

5. Suspect trading pattern on Pepsum Pharmaceuticals.

6. They had inside information.

7. You must get pings like that every day.

8. It's bigger than that.

9. All three firms have links to Bobby Axelrod.

10. This would be a big one.

11. But a good matador doesn't try to kill a fresh bull.

12. You wait until he's been stuck a few times.

13. Why aren't you prosecuting the investment banks

14. and hedge funds for insider trading?

15. Go ask the 81 convicted felons of financial crimes

16. currently serving time.

17. But you have a very specific conflict of interest

18. right in your own home.

19. Your value to the firm is absolute.

20. I've been working there since before we were married

21. and long before you were in office.

22. I work for the public good.

23. No, you work for the good of Chuck Rhoades.

24. Maybe sometimes they intersect.

25. You know the Norton place out at the beach?

26. I just heard

27. Bobby Axelrod is trying to buy it.

28. How much? $83 million.

29. People hate guys who buy things like that.

30. You said there was only one thing you were afraid of —

31. guys in windbreakers walking in your office

32. saying, "Step away from the computer."

33. And you told me you'd make sure it wouldn't happen.

34. So let me make sure.

35. Steven Birch?

36. It's either him or you.

37. Piedmont Capital.

38. Yeah.

39. That swap deal he did on Arcadian Railroad —

40. Do an autopsy on the deal,

41. you'll find yourself a Pulitzer in the carcass.

42. Front fucking page of the Post.

43. It's like he's daring you.

44. There's movement.

45. It's likely they've opened a case file on you.

46. You know what?

47. I'm ready.

48. ♪pensive music♪

49. No, Pete, the gold standard is never coming back.

50. And if it did, this world would be so fucked,

51. I'd buy space travel, not gold.

52. Nice pitch, though.

53. If I'd have known it was a gold play,

54. I'd have never put him through.

55. Always put that lunatic through.

56. One out of every 200 ideas he has is fucking brilliant.

57. I got this.

58. Bad idea.

59. "No man is a hero to his valet."

60. That goes double for his C.O.O.,

61. so you are fucked with me either way.

62. Let's take a car to the city instead of flying.

63. What's underneath this?

64. Look, if the U.S. Attorney is really coming,

65. maybe it's better if we don't make you more of a target.

66. And more important, Garth Sykes from Flagship.

67. Hated seeing you on the cover of the Post

68. with that goddamned oceanfront mansion.

69. Teachers in that pension fund make 40 grand a year.

70. People who have it spend it.

71. People who don't have it

72. like billies better who spend on other folks.

73. Charity, good works.

74. I do, I have, and you know it.

75. Today, they only remember the house.

76. I have a feeling there'll be another one of us

77. on the front pages soon enough,

78. and they'll forget about that.

79. But if Flagship does try and withdraw...

80. We can't let him.

81. If Flagship pulls its $1.5 billion, it gets public.

82. Other institutions go, too.

83. Whole thing could domino.

84. Get with Sykes, keep them on board.

85. That's just why I'm telling you

86. to keep it a little more low-key.

87. Who's more low-key than me?

88. ♪Not that it's wrong, that it needs righting♪

89. ♪Just all alone♪

90. ♪I been high tiding♪

91. So, the key to bagging Axe is...?

92. Pete Decker. Oh.

93. His fund. Has to be.

94. We start with Decker

95. since he had the longest tenure at Axe Capital

96. of anyone who left with Axe's backing.

97. Get me some more of those cold sesame noodles, would you?

98. No, these are — these are dandan noodles.

99. Same fucking thing.

100. No. No, one's Szechuan, the other Taiwanese.

101. It's a whole thing.

102. You know, this is why I don't mind the hours.

103. I'm always learning something on the job. It's incredible.

104. Yeah, tell him about General Tso's, Bryan.

105. Oh, no, he flings this shit at you, too?

106. Sprays it all around.

107. The only place you've ever been is Asia,

108. you can't help yourself.

109. Here — indictments on that Ponzi thing.

110. Tell me about the General, Bryan. Come on.

111. Well, now you've done it.

112. General Tso, he was a statesman in the Qing Dynasty.

113. Suppressed a revolution.

114. Oh, and now he has the true glory.

115. A fried chicken dish named for him the world over, huh?

116. That was created in America.

117. Maybe after we nail Axe, they'll reciprocate —

118. name a dish after you in China, huh?

119. Oh-ho. General Chuck's?

120. Really, what would that — what would that look like,

121. a burger with the cheese cooked on the inside?

122. You really think I could ever be that richly honored?

123. Hey, I will make it so.

124. Not if we're still stuck.

125. We need to find a way

126. to get Pete Decker on the hook, right?

127. Decker hires young, and he pays at the top of the range.

128. Now, once these guys get a taste for that kind of money,

129. they get desperate to keep it going.

130. Start tracking all of his analysts and traders.

131. Next one makes a mistake, we're right there.

132. ♪mid-tempo music♪

133. Nice move.

134. Just like smoking in the girls' bathroom at St. Mary's.

135. You had to be quick, or you'd be over a nun's knee.

136. That's a fun picture to have in my head.

137. Mm. Yeah. They weren't that kind of nun.

138. They looked like Dick Cheney.

139. Look at that.

140. That is such a shitty name on such a great building.

141. Oh, don't. Don't focus on that.

142. Think of all the good that's going on here tonight.

143. Can't. It mars everything.

144. The name up there should mean something.

145. Should add — add to the luster of the place.

146. Just don't look.

147. I like the building.

148. How much?

149. Good question.

150. They're about to pass the hat.

151. Get rid of this for us, will you?

152. Mm-hmm.

153. ♪mid-tempo music♪

154. Bobby! Birchy!

155. Pchoo! Blow it up.

156. Yeah, baby.

157. Ohhh.

158. Oh!

159. What are you doing to me?

160. You're making me weak.

161. Time to power up.

162. Ohh!

163. That hits the spot.

164. Mmm.

165. Oh, fuck.

166. It's work.

167. It's my work ring.

168. Jesus.

169. It's Kornbluth.

170. Thought you left white-collar crime to cover the election.

171. That's true,

172. but I stumbled onto one too good to give someone else.

173. Get to it.

174. What do you know

175. about Steven Birch and Arcadian Railroad?

176. What? What do you have?

177. Birch made a big play in the railroad —

178. captured 43% before good numbers,

179. and expansion plans were announced

180. with inside information.

181. We want to know

182. where the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District

183. stands on an investigation.

184. I'm posting this on the web in five minutes.

185. It's already on the desk.

186. It'd be better

187. with a comment from you...

188. but I can't wait.

189. It's late. That might not be enough time to get a comment.

190. I'm posting it.

191. We can't get beat on this story.

192. You can't run it without a motherfucking quote.

193. Oh, God.

194. Tara Mohr?

195. Yeah, you're on speaker.

196. Financial Journal called for comment on Steven Birch.

197. What about him?

198. They're running a story

199. that he made illegal trades on Arcadian Railroad

200. and that the evidence is incontrovertible.

201. Stall while we check.

202. But this sounds like bullshit.

203. I mean, how could the paper have that

204. before we do — or the FBI?

205. You know, I went to school with a few guys who work for Birch.

206. You want me to — Yes, right now.

207. Get Terri McCue over at FBI up on this, too — now.

208. Right.

209. [jazz music playing over speakers] ♪♪

210. I'm not tolling any bells for you, Bobby.

211. Sounds a bit like you are.

212. There's a reason you retained my firm.

213. Ah, fuck the firm — a bunch of rich, young lawyers.

214. There's a reason you retained me — me.

215. And that is...

216. I look far enough down the road

217. to let you avoid the speed traps.

218. Okay.

219. What do you see?

220. U.S. Attorney needs to bag you.

221. Rhoades could bring it quick or take two years.

222. Two years?

223. Then it becomes a three-front war —

224. P.R., redemptions, and the government.

225. It's not too early to start a makeover of the firm's culture.

226. What fucking culture?

227. Big returns that beat the street by double digits

228. year in, year out, making our investors rich?

229. That culture? No — the rep.

230. Smart money — maybe a little too smart.

231. If they bring an action,

232. the whole strategy becomes about leveraging a settlement —

233. a deferred prosecution agreement and forfeiture

234. that lets you keep working.

235. And the best way to get that

236. is to act like you'd never settle.

237. I'd never settle.

238. That's the public posture, for sure.

239. I'd never settle.

240. Yeah. That's a good delivery. That'll work.

241. Thank you! Good evening! I'm gonna go find my table.

242. Thank you. How you doing?

243. My name is Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller,

244. and we're gonna give as much money as we can.

245. I will hurt myself,

246. then you will hurt yourself with money.

247. Gonna look like this.

248. Think about how much that hurts

249. and think about how good you would feel

250. if you gave a million dollars.

251. Who's giving a million dollars? Stand up.

252. Come on! A million dollars!

253. Starting at a stick. Fuck it.

254. $1 million!

255. I'll do it. I'll do it.

256. Oh! You're a good man!

257. No better than you.

258. Wonderful. Wonderful. That's good.

259. Who are the cheapskates giving a half a million?

260. Come on!

261. Come on. Half a million up there.

262. Get the fuck up,

263. or people will think I'm not paying you enough.

264. Can I see $250,000?

265. I'll get everybody standing up eventually.

266. They will not let Teller go unless everybody stands up.

267. How about $250,000 over here?

268. Holy shit.

269. Financial Journal just pasted Birch.

270. 100 grand — stand up.

271. ♪slow music♪

272. Anybody else?

273. Anybody making $50,000? How about $25,000?

274. He's gonna want that million back.

275. We need to go.

276. Everybody should be standing up at this point!

277. Hey. You need a minute before we —

278. For what?

279. Pump-up sesh for the morning meeting,

280. like every week.

281. Not happening.

282. Oh, what the fuck, Wend? I count on it.

283. It's how I get in there and deal with those animals.

284. Canceled until further notice.

285. You don't need it — not anymore.

286. You're the best P.M. on the floor.

287. You know it.

288. They're fucking sure of it.

289. Those animals are used to you putting them down now.

290. Hardly even whimper as it happens.

291. Our sesh, while fun, is a waste of your time.

292. And mine.

293. Go get 'em!

294. Fuckin' A.

295. You just did it, didn't you?

296. All right.

297. 3 feet apart, all right?

298. Tres, all right?

299. And mucha agua en la mañana.

300. Can you tell him no food and lots of water in the morning?

301. He knows. Does he? Yeah?

302. 'Cause I don't feel like I'm getting much back from him.

303. I know you get it.

304. You know Lu wants to do zucchini flowers on special

305. now that the frost is gone,

306. so let's be ready when they come in.

307. You got it, boss.

308. All right, ladies and gentlemen.

309. We are up 32% year-to-date,

310. and we are open to all moneymaking ideas.

311. Longs, shorts, sells, covers —

312. all Alpha welcome.

313. The choppy waters out there are perfect — for us.

314. For the average investor, hell no.

315. But never forget —

316. what's bad for him is good for us.

317. If — If we're as smart as we think we are.

318. If not, the heat'll melt us like an Almond Joy in the sun.

319. So, are you smart enough?

320. Some of us fuckin' are.

321. How about you, Pouch?

322. How am I supposed to answer that?

323. You already have.

324. Sadly.

325. What happened on Eureka Trans-ship?

326. You knew they were gonna whiff their numbers.

327. Why didn't you bang the short harder?

328. You left five fucking percent on the table.

329. I thought they were gonna whiff, but I didn't know.

330. You are such a pussy on the short side.

331. Go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.

332. Insulted him a little bit.

333. Yeah, a little bit.

334. Axe, you saw my position.

335. You could have upped him.

336. That's what I'm paying you for.

337. You see an opportunity like that again, you grab it

338. like it's a horse cock and you're Catherine the Great.

339. Okay, okay.

340. Saldana, why are we still tied up in those hospitals?

341. Baby Boomers.

342. They're getting old, so they're getting sick.

343. When the group reports patient volumes,

344. it's gonna overshoot street expectations.

345. We're talking 10% move.

346. That incremental revenue will drop right to the bottom line,

347. and the stock's gonna pop like a prom queen's cherry.

348. Good fucking answer.

349. It really is. God damn it.

350. Okay, new-idea time.

351. Donnie Caan, what do you have for us?

352. I think Apple

353. still has room to move north.

354. Really?

355. Our investors pay us a 3% management fee

356. and 30% of their profits,

357. and you want me to tell them we're buying some fucking Apple?

358. Sorry, Axe.

359. I-I guess I'm just not seeing the matrix right now.

360. That's a little unsettling, Donnie —

361. since seeing the matrix is your entire fucking job.

362. It's kind of like if you were a hurdler

363. and instead of jumping over the fucking hurdles —

364. It's okay, Donnie.

365. You'll see it again.

366. Hang in.

367. Okay, guys?

368. Let's go out there, bring some meat back to camp.

369. Or some nuts.

370. Hunt or gather.

371. I'm sorry. I tried to give you the heads-up, but...

372. Phones down.

373. We're S.E.C. Compliance.

374. I need all portfolio managers and analysts

375. to return to their desks.

376. Traders, stay here.

377. Case officers will meet each pod

378. and expect full cooperation.

379. Better answer their questions.

380. Cooperate.

381. This group of energy trades —

382. I'd like you to supply the research behind them.

383. I was tasked, so I supplied it.

384. Right, but going through your reports, I see gaps.

385. Like this Boardwalk Pipeline move — what supported it?

386. It was an event-driven strategy.

387. Okay, it was based on an unsolicited tip.

388. The trade was near 100,000 shares.

389. Close to a $2.5 million position based on a rumor.

390. It seemed...

391. solid.

392. Looking at tele-comm — this Verizon trade?

393. It's part of an event-driven macroplay.

394. Bullshit.

395. All right, I got a tip.

396. And the pharmaceutical trades?

397. That was phone-a-tip.

398. Incoming tip. What am I, a fucking schmuck?

399. Of course I'm gonna listen.

400. That was a prom-night promise.

401. And that means...?

402. "Just the tip."

403. So, this is your entire book and trading history

404. for the past three months?

405. That's right.

406. Wow.

407. Bit of a rough patch, huh?

408. Seriously?

409. Gonna need to see your trades for the past 90 days.

410. Unless you got a Wells notice with my name on it,

411. you're not gonna see jack shit.

412. Come on, we can pull it all down from the server anyway,

413. so you may as well cooperate.

414. Mm. Good point.

415. Lawyer.

416. Your boss said you should cooperate.

417. Oh. Lawyer.

418. Just answer the question.

419. You answer me one.

420. How much do you make?

421. I'm gonna need access

422. to your files, paper, and computer.

423. For what?

424. I'm authorized to check that all trades comply —

425. I'm not a trader.

426. Whatever you call yourself, after I review —

427. My files are confidential. You're not seeing them.

428. You can call the Attorney General if you want,

429. and tell her I say "hi" if you do.

430. We had dinner last month.

431. Otherwise, fuck off.

432. ♪dramatic music♪

433. Enough. Okay? Enough.

434. I hope you enjoyed the lifeboat drill this morning.

435. Are you kidding me?

436. We did not do well.

437. In fact, we sank.

438. If it were a real S.E.C. raid, we would have been fucked.

439. Get the fuck out of here.

440. I shit my pants for nothing?

441. I didn't do this for my amusement.

442. What happened to Steven Birch —

443. Who I am sure will be cleared of any wrongdoing —

444. It could happen to us.

445. So we need to be prepared.

446. To that end, say "hello"

447. to our new and improved Compliance Department.

448. These assholes work here now?

449. That, they do.

450. They're here for our support and our protection,

451. and you will not even be taking a piss

452. without them close enough to give it a shake.

453. From here on, we evaluate every move —

454. not just for the upside, but for its ethical grounding.

455. We have to be more pure

456. than the Virgin Mary before her first period.

457. Fuck, Wags.

458. How the hell are we supposed to make any money?

459. You think this is a joke, Victor?

460. You, in particular, were flagged.

461. Flagged?

462. Your short on that chip maker.

463. Eleva Peripherals.

464. Netted 38% fresh blubber on that seal hunt.

465. Rotten carcass — over the line.

466. We're lucky the S.E.C. hasn't come calling already.

467. You're done.

468. Fired.

469. Clear out.

470. Leave your key cards.

471. This is bullshit.

472. I didn't do anything out-of-bounds —

473. no more than anyone else.

474. Did I sign off on that trade?

475. No, I did not.

476. Don't say anything else.

477. I trusted you with my name and my capital,

478. and you fucked me.

479. You put us all at risk

480. with your deceitful, illegal moves.

481. Now get out of here.

482. ♪suspenseful music♪

483. All right, everybody, back at it.

484. Play hard, play clean.

485. Be careful out there.

486. That was a hell of a public spanking.

487. Make sure our investors know about it.

488. On it.

489. I'm gonna make sure Garth Sykes hears about it A.S.A.P.

490. You're gonna be a god on the street by lunchtime.

491. I thought I already was one.

492. Greater god.

493. Don't you fuckin' touch me!

494. Or my cellphone.

495. I was going to tell you about the compliance gag,

496. but you didn't show up at the charity dinner,

497. and then...

498. Then... I was half a hallway from your office.

499. Try again.

500. Honest? It was an oversight.

501. No, it wasn't. You don't make them.

502. And that matters.

503. But what matters more right now is that Victor

504. is exactly the wrong person to fire that way.

505. That was spur-of-the-moment.

506. It was a spur-of-the-moment fuck-up.

507. His entire psychological makeup

508. sets him up to react very poorly

509. to public humiliation.

510. The same things that made him a profit center for you

511. will make him a difficult adversary

512. if he's not handled right.

513. He will stew and obsess

514. and find a way to exact revenge on you.

515. Okay. I can see that.

516. Will you fix it?

517. Go do it, please.

518. I made a mistake not looping you in.

519. I admit that.

520. "Mistake."

521. Last chance.

522. Okay.

523. It was a red team drill.

524. I wanted everybody to react as they would naturally.

525. I left you out on purpose.

526. And I will make it up to you.

527. Please deal with Victor.

528. Sean Ayles, please. It's Lara Axelrod.

529. Sean. Hi.

530. This is the call you've been waiting for.

531. I wanted to talk to you about making a donation.

532. I figured you would.

533. And about naming rights.

534. And so the names on these buildings

535. become more than just identifiers.

536. They become signifiers of a grander age,

537. when titans of industry understood

538. that the purpose of their wealth

539. was to support the performative arts

540. to improve the quality of life

541. for all those who live in and visit this city.

542. Now give me the Gettysburg Address.

543. I'm sorry.

544. That... sounded rehearsed.

545. I'm vamping.

546. I'm in a difficult spot.

547. No, yeah, I know.

548. Because what you need to tell me is that the Eads family

549. owns the naming rights to this building in perpetuity.

550. But I'm here offering you $100 million,

551. which you need to extract somehow

552. without giving me what I want.

553. I'm in a difficult spot.

554. No, yeah, I know.

555. Also, "performative" does not mean "performance."

556. Most donors like an air of —

557. I don't.

558. There are other naming opportunities on the ground

559. that would give you the status and sense of permanence

560. that you need.

561. Why is this building so important to you?

562. Here's why it's important to you.

563. It's the only way you are getting even a dollar out of me.

564. Now, I happen to have discovered

565. that the remaining members of the Eads family

566. are in a financial pinch.

567. They need to raise cash.

568. And they will have a hard time

569. getting ahold of the kind of loan they need

570. to pay off their other loans.

571. So, I want you to tell them

572. that I will pay them $25 million

573. to allow me to replace their family name

574. with mine.

575. Then I will donate the 100,

576. and you can begin your renovations.

577. ♪pensive music♪

578. Oh.

579. There is one condition I'll need you to sign off on.

580. Don't scream.

581. Look there.

582. What the fuck?

583. Get out.

584. I'm calling the police.

585. You don't want to do that, Tara.

586. Who the fuck are you?

587. Your newest and bestest.

588. You should stay and listen to me.

589. Or else this goes viral.

590. You're making me weak.

591. "You're making me weak."

592. We have — We have training against this.

593. You think you're gonna fucking blackmail me?

594. So what? I fuck girls, guys. Who cares?

595. Everyone fucks.

596. That thing has no chance to compromise me.

597. I hope it at least gets you off, man.

598. What gets me off

599. would disturb you at such a deep level, honey,

600. you'd be best-served never to think about it again.

601. Folks in your line care

602. about that kind of thing, though.

603. And this —

604. your hair...

605. which will test positive for cocaine,

606. can be in Chuck Rhoades' hands within an hour.

607. You're gonna watch, listen, and report,

608. and everything's gonna be fine.

609. It's a lot to take in.

610. We've already gone through all of this crap.

611. I heard back from my sources.

612. There's a war room set up at Birch's.

613. Lawyers, accountants — the whole thing.

614. Guys at his shop are prepping their résumés.

615. Well, if it was just smoke, they'd issue a denial —

616. keep working.

617. Yeah. They're treating this article like it's a warrant.

618. Somebody wanted to hurt Birch,

619. and they wanted us on the ass end.

620. So they leaked it.

621. And I do not like it.

622. We need the reins back in our hands.

623. Understood.

624. You want me to stay on this Axe/Decker thing?

625. No. Set that aside.

626. Until we know at least as much

627. as this fucking reporter knows,

628. let's keep the brights on Steven Birch.

629. All right.

630. Get me every article

631. Randy Kornbluth wrote in the past year.

632. All of Mike Dimonda's articles, too.

633. We'll start there.

634. Mike.

635. Good parlor trick, knowing my address.

636. That'll look like a fun intimidation tactic

637. when I write this up.

638. Oh. You're not writing this up.

639. Because that would be a small win,

640. and you're not in it for small wins.

641. No, you've come too far. Too young an age for that.

642. I'm in it because people deserve to know the truth

643. about power and money and — Whoa. Wait a minute.

644. What are you, Glenn Greenwald all of a sudden?

645. Come on.

646. You know, I've, uh, I've been reading...

647. Randy Kornbluth lately.

648. He usually covers state politics.

649. He hasn't had a hard business story in 18 months,

650. but all of a sudden,

651. he hooks into a full-blown crime story —

652. on Steven Birch.

653. His article quotes

654. former federal prosecutor James Robbins,

655. who says that the connection

656. between hedge funds and company officials

657. must be probed.

658. You know who else likes quoting James Robbins?

659. You.

660. Seven times in the past six months.

661. He's a widely respected source with connections —

662. He's a fucking rent-a-quote.

663. I know you really wrote the Birch story,

664. and I think I know why you chose to hide that fact.

665. If I am such a careerist,

666. why would I ever hide something that good?

667. 'Cause you thought it would endear you to someone.

668. What you should have done,

669. if you were really playing an elevated game,

670. was come to me with what you had.

671. See, if I had something better to give you

672. in exchange for you holding on to it —

673. You have never been willing

674. to play any kind of game with me.

675. I didn't know you were ready to play in the bigs, man.

676. Now I do.

677. So, these are the rules.

678. You tell me who fed you that —

679. No.

680. I'm gonna head inside.

681. Because this conversation has peaked,

682. and you don't get to tell me the rules.

683. You're correct.

684. I'm not gonna write up this ambush.

685. But I can.

686. Anytime I want to.

687. So think about that the next time

688. you try and bar me from a press conference

689. or dodge my call.

690. Have a good night.

691. ♪mid-tempo music♪

692. All right. Thank you.

693. Uh...

694. you know what?

695. Here's the $20

696. for whatever the guy in the blue shirt back there wants.

697. I got you. Okay, thank you.

698. Okay, guys, let's go. Come on.

699. Now, you guys remember when we threw Grandpa

700. a surprise party for his birthday

701. and we all had to keep the secret?

702. Yeah.

703. Okay. Why do we have to keep the secret?

704. To make Grandpa happy.

705. Right. So this is like that, okay?

706. We don't tell anyone about the doughnuts

707. to make Mommy happy.

708. Okay?

709. Rhoades!

710. Don't you walk away before you meet my kids.

711. Mr. Kroll, we are in a public place...

712. with, uh, as you say, our children.

713. Uh, why don't you guys go sit on the bench over there, okay?

714. Take your sister over there.

715. I-I don't need your, um... kindness now.

716. I-I needed it at sentencing.

717. This is Margo and Stevie.

718. Hello.

719. I kept them out of school today so we could be together

720. because I go to prison tomorrow.

721. How do you live with yourself?

722. How?

723. Yeah.

724. I think long and hard

725. before any prosecution in my office goes forward.

726. And I'm proudest of the cases I choose not to prosecute.

727. But when I go forward, it's full guns.

728. I made one goddamn mistake.

729. And who got hurt?

730. No one.

731. You could have let it go.

732. You committed mail fraud.

733. And you knew that my wife had died...

734. suddenly...

735. and that I was desperate and lost.

736. Y-You read the articles.

737. You — You got letters from 100 people

738. who vouched for the man that I was and would be again.

739. I'm what those kids have left.

740. And they won't have me again for four years.

741. Have a nice stroll with yours.

742. And take your fucking $20

743. or just... leave it here for the birds to pick at.

744. Let's go, kids.

745. Daddy's done with this asshole.

746. You wanted to see me?

747. Hey.

748. I want to give you a short

749. that you're not gonna bail on too quick.

750. Do you know Cross-Co.?

751. Cross-Co. Trucking. I've been tracking it.

752. Mid-size firm, has a big distribution contract

753. with that bakery company YumTime.

754. Been holding 50.

755. Fundamentals are solid.

756. I don't see the short play.

757. I don't need you to see it. I need you to do it.

758. We'll get 50 on the tape. We'll size up later.

759. You got a fucking problem with this?

760. No.

761. You plug that investor leakage?

762. I thought I'd done exactly that,

763. but I haven't been able to get Garth Sykes on the phone.

764. He bails, it hurts us.

765. Yeah. I tried.

766. But I think I need you to show face with this guy.

767. You got this.

768. That's why I have you.

769. That fucker thinks that if you come running over here,

770. I'm gonna forget he fired me in front of everyone I know?

771. Who knows what he thinks?

772. One minute, you're his most trusted advisor,

773. the next, you're on the outside.

774. I'm here because...

775. I think you might make it worse for yourself,

776. and I don't want to see that.

777. The money I made him...

778. He treated me like a lowlife.

779. And that's a trigger for you.

780. Everyone laughing at me growing up.

781. The dyslexia.

782. Even the teachers.

783. I sent every one of those pricks

784. a photo of my first million-dollar bonus check.

785. That made you feel really good for about 24 hours,

786. and then you hated yourself

787. for letting them know they ever got to you.

788. Kind of.

789. Sometimes.

790. This is different.

791. I know plenty about how Axe Capital works —

792. the dirty edge...

793. the proprietary trading techniques.

794. I know how the secret sauce is made.

795. Yeah.

796. I'm sure you could put out

797. a Schott's Miscellany about the place.

798. Schott's?

799. It's like a Farmers' Almanac for non-farm stuff.

800. Then, yeah, I could put out a couple of volumes

801. of Schott's Miscellany about the place.

802. You just need to ask yourself one question first —

803. are you rich enough to never get another job?

804. I did work for that man.

805. Bribed an oil company C.F.O. for him —

806. Stop talking.

807. We're not in session. That's not privileged.

808. Point is, I got all muddied up for him.

809. Hard not to rub it on his clean, white shirt now.

810. Remember Warren Jaffin, the analyst?

811. Yeah.

812. Bright guy?

813. That kid was sharp.

814. Employable?

815. Real sharp, yeah.

816. Then he balked at his bonus one year and got popped.

817. He got another job right away at a huge bank —

818. $3 million a year, guaranteed.

819. Only, word got back to Axe

820. that Warren had badmouthed him in the interview —

821. said Axe wasn't generous with him.

822. So Axe called the head of the bank,

823. asked him to pull the offer that day, which the guy did.

824. Can you imagine...

825. how humiliating that was for Warren?

826. Probably told his whole family, all his friends

827. that he was back.

828. But Axe didn't leave it there.

829. He called the president or chairman

830. of every prime broker, bank, and fund in the industry

831. and had him blackballed.

832. Put it out over the loudspeaker,

833. direct from the principal's office —

834. "If you hire Warren Jaffin, you are my enemy."

835. Do you know what Warren does now?

836. He's got a blog.

837. You've built a real life for yourself, Victor —

838. a long way from Queens.

839. If Axe is certain you'll act like a gentleman,

840. he will make sure to take care of you.

841. You were the one that always told me

842. to stand up for myself.

843. When you can win, yes.

844. The only way you can win now is by letting it go.

845. You know, I have to confess to something.

846. Okay.

847. You're not gonna like it.

848. Fire away.

849. I took the kids for doughnuts.

850. I know.

851. Kevin told me.

852. Good.

853. Oh.

854. You're glad he cracked?

855. No, I never want them to keep secrets from you.

856. They're gonna keep them from me their entire teenage years.

857. They should at least know

858. that they always can confide in you.

859. And among your many gifts, that is a great one.

860. Everyone feels like you're always on their side.

861. Well, I try to be, or at least...

862. understand where they're coming from.

863. That's the wonderful part of your job.

864. You get to employ your empathy.

865. I have to be a real prick sometimes, you know?

866. At work.

867. Yeah.

868. Sometimes, we all do things we're not proud of at work.

869. Well, this is different.

870. When I was in the park with the kids,

871. there was this guy who...

872. Specifics don't matter.

873. What does is,

874. that every once in a while, there's this thing we say —

875. "I am never so proud

876. as when I choose not to prosecute a case."

877. And that's true — in theory.

878. But once in a while, I wish that I could just be more...

879. human.

880. But I haven't figured out how to do that

881. and my job at the same time.

882. You know?

883. Being 100% good at your job...

884. and 100% good...

885. if you figure that one out,

886. let's both quit and write that book.

887. ♪exotic music♪

888. It's a luxury to relax every once in a while,

889. isn't it, Garth?

890. I remember this place — fondly.

891. Look, the stability of this firm

892. has never been in question.

893. I need to look into Axelrod's eyes, hear him say it.

894. Yeah, he will.

895. I just wanted to hear you first.

896. I may be from Kentucky, but I'm no rube.

897. I don't bet on long shots

898. when it comes to investing the pensions of my members.

899. That's why they trust me with their $5 billion.

900. I get nervous, I see someone like Axelrod running around

901. spending his money like he's a goddamn rap singer.

902. Emcee. Like a rap emcee.

903. No, some of 'em sing now. My kids showed me.

904. Snoop and Kid Rock both.

905. You're right — you are no rube.

906. But Bobby Axelrod isn't, either.

907. We've crushed the S&P seven years running,

908. which means you have crushed the S&P.

909. You turn over now.

910. Everyone beats it — till they don't.

911. When I can I see Axe, talk to him about it?

912. You don't want to rush off now, do you?

913. ♪pensive music♪

914. Here's McCue. She got some stuff on Birch.

915. You are gonna love my nuts.

916. Pierre Bernard,

917. longtime C.F.O. of the Arcadian,

918. gets passed over for C.E.O.,

919. gets censured internally

920. for certain financial improprieties.

921. Press clippings I thought you might want.

922. And Bernard interviews for a job at Birch

923. shortly before the trades.

924. We have secretaries on both sides confirming the meet.

925. Birch's trades in Arcadian occur a half-hour afterward.

926. We alerted our counterparts up north.

927. The railroad has fired Bernard.

928. The Canadians are considering prosecution.

929. He's ready to make a statement implicating Birch.

930. At Quantico, they call a case this straightforward —

931. Nobody cares.

932. Of course not. Why would they?

933. Rookies always bring up Quantico.

934. Uh, do you need something else?

935. Let me know if you need PDF backups of those.

936. Will do.

937. He is right, though.

938. This Birch thing's a dunker.

939. Dominique all day.

940. Wilkins!

941. So, tomorrow morning, when the arrest warrant is issued,

942. along with a search warrant,

943. we meet near Birch's firm, all right?

944. You guys take him, we take his records.

945. Hey, quick question. Alan.

946. Are we gonna handcuff him?

947. Yeah, obviously.

948. What about the S.E.C.? Should we alert them?

949. We already have.

950. Press?

951. Probably, all right?

952. I mean, those news cameras

953. just have a way of showing up at the right time, don't they?

954. So, we're gonna hit 'em full-on, right?

955. Yes.

956. We'll get local law enforcement

957. there on the perimeter, but with the lights out.

958. All right, any more questions?

959. Bryan?

960. Let's put a pin in the arrest.

961. Boss?

962. Get Birch in here.

963. It's time to settle.

964. No, no. N-No way.

965. We — We have him dead to rights on this trial.

966. I'm first chair. Then it's jail for this jamoke.

967. We have him dead to rights, so he'll fold quick,

968. and then we get back to what we were doing — Axelrod.

969. I'm not letting us follow the riderless horse any longer.

970. Wait. Riderless h—

971. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

972. They were smart.

973. They sent one of their horses off in a different direction

974. so the posse would have to split up...

975. get distracted.

976. But this was no ordinary posse.

977. This was a super posse — the super posse.

978. Mixed group of superheroes —

979. a sheriff, a marshal, an Indian.

980. "Native American."

981. Sure.

982. And the Cherokee —

983. man, he could read the depth of the impression

984. the horse's hooves made on rock.

985. And when he realized they were chasing a riderless horse...

986. they got right back on Butch's trail.

987. I remember now.

988. I watched it with my dad

989. on one of the Saturdays he showed up.

990. I didn't root for the super posse.

991. I rooted for Butch and Sundance.

992. Of course you did. We all did.

993. But that's not who we are anymore.

994. How are you, Bobby?

995. Hey, Garth.

996. Ken.

997. I'd call you "Sir Ken" out of respect

998. for your advanced age and your accomplishments,

999. but, as much as you'd like it, you were born in Chicago,

1000. and no one born there was ever knighted.

1001. He would like it if we called him "sir."

1002. He is that type.

1003. You are that type, Ken.

1004. And then what would we call you, Axe?

1005. Oh, hell, Kenny, call me whatever the fuck you want.

1006. Or better, don't ever call me.

1007. You know the reason why you should never call me?

1008. Because you're a poacher, Ken,

1009. and guys like Garth and me, we do not like poachers.

1010. Come drag a deer off my land,

1011. see what the fuck happens to you.

1012. Well, now that you've joined us, let me ask you —

1013. how you doing?

1014. I'm gonna let you in on something here, Garth.

1015. Hedge fund guys only ask that question

1016. when they know the other guy is running bad,

1017. which he thinks because you are sitting with him.

1018. Oh, we're just catching up.

1019. And you still haven't answered.

1020. It's a "crush the other guy" business.

1021. It's like "Highlander" — there can be only one.

1022. I don't blame you, Ken. I'd do the same thing.

1023. But I'm up 32% this year,

1024. which, from what I know of your run-and-hide approach,

1025. is 30 points better than what you are at Vista Verde.

1026. Well, you can call it what you want,

1027. but I call it "careful."

1028. Risk-averse.

1029. When I opened my fund,

1030. I was very aware of the responsibility

1031. that people like Garth put in my hands,

1032. which is why I hedge my investments.

1033. I protect the downside.

1034. I may not be a rock star,

1035. but I'm still plugging away,

1036. all these many years later.

1037. Have fun with your plugger.

1038. Can we step away for a sec?

1039. I love talking to you, Axe,

1040. and you made us a shit ton of money, but...

1041. I need to keep things nice and comfy —

1042. results and optics.

1043. My job's to spot a fund manager

1044. taking his eye off the ball before he strikes out.

1045. That's what my members count on.

1046. And they see someone like Kenneth, dry ass that he is,

1047. as solid...

1048. part of the firmament.

1049. Sometimes that's important.

1050. I hear you.

1051. And I know you hated the headline in the newspaper.

1052. Do what you have to do.

1053. But I hope that in the days to come,

1054. you see me as part of that firmament.

1055. I think you will.

1056. You've all seen the evidence we've gathered

1057. regarding your railroad trades.

1058. If we prevail at trial —

1059. which we're confident we will —

1060. the federal sentencing guidelines

1061. call for you to serve 11 years.

1062. We understand that you have young children.

1063. Well, maybe they'll be out of college

1064. by the time you're released.

1065. Maybe you can make it to their weddings.

1066. But like we told your lawyers,

1067. we're willing to forgo that for a quick plea —

1068. an admission of guilt,

1069. a forfeiture money judgment of $386 million.

1070. As well as the voluntary shuttering of your fund

1071. and conversion of it to a family office.

1072. You'll no longer handle any outside money.

1073. I can get the S.E.C. in here right now to do that

1074. if you don't agree.

1075. So, settlement or trial?

1076. We're prepared to fight this for as long as we —

1077. I...

1078. came here today to take a deal.

1079. I don't want to go to jail.

1080. Wise choice, Mr. Birch.

1081. Stay in the light.

1082. You won't be getting a chance like this again.

1083. This doesn't have to be over.

1084. I'm actually relieved we settled.

1085. Comfortable?

1086. For the first time all fucking day.

1087. Well, I have someone coming in here soon,

1088. and they might be a little freaked to see their boss...

1089. I just came by to say "thank you" and "sorry" —

1090. two words I don't say very often.

1091. So it's handled with Victor?

1092. You nailed it — on every count.

1093. And he got paid.

1094. I used everything I knew about him to make him capitulate.

1095. That's why I asked you to go.

1096. You know why I went?

1097. For you.

1098. You and I...

1099. we've never let each other down

1100. in all these years.

1101. And I wasn't about to start

1102. because you acted like that never happened.

1103. Cut me out again...

1104. and I'm gone.

1105. I know.

1106. I won't.

1107. Ellis Eads.

1108. We are honored to share this privilege with you, Mr. Axelrod.

1109. With you, too, Mrs. Axelrod.

1110. There's no sharing, Ellis. It's Axelrod Hall now.

1111. No. Of course. We understand.

1112. You think you do.

1113. Now, I saw that when I came in here,

1114. you don't remember me, Chad.

1115. I know who you are.

1116. But you don't actually remember.

1117. We've met before.

1118. I caddied at The Spoon when I was a kid.

1119. It was the perfect summer job.

1120. I carried your grandfather's bag

1121. quite a few times.

1122. Your bag, too, Chad,

1123. in the summer after middle school.

1124. How funny that we all end up here.

1125. Now, here's the thing.

1126. A lot of numbers have been thrown around —

1127. 100 for the naming rights, 25 for your name to come down.

1128. But there is one number that really matters to me —

1129. 16.

1130. And we'll see

1131. if you still think it's funny, Chad.

1132. $16 is what a caddy got paid for a loop.

1133. Four hours of humping bags, smelling sour cigars,

1134. and watching all of you lie to each other

1135. about your golf scores in the 95-degree heat,

1136. but I was happy for the job.

1137. That 16 bucks —

1138. and I would do two loops a day,

1139. so it was $32 on a Saturday, $32 on a Sunday.

1140. By the end of the weekend, I'd have 64 bucks.

1141. 16 weekends,

1142. Memorial to Labor Day, $1,024.

1143. That was his spending money for the entire year.

1144. He'd stretch it out until the next summer.

1145. Pretty much.

1146. Until —

1147. and you were there for this, Chad —

1148. your grandfather asked me to read a putt on three.

1149. It was a left-to-right leaker, and I told him so.

1150. I'd seen the putt all summer long.

1151. He closed the face, pulled it, missed it by a foot.

1152. You laughed at him.

1153. You made fun of his eyesight.

1154. And he turned to me,

1155. and he fired me right there.

1156. Not from the round, but from the club.

1157. Now, I needed that $16, but he didn't give a shit.

1158. Because he was embarrassed to have missed a putt

1159. in front of his grandson.

1160. Are you saying we are here

1161. because of that ancient bullshit?

1162. That's right!

1163. 16.

1164. ♪pensive music♪

1165. Which is why I am presenting you

1166. with a check for $25 million

1167. minus 16,

1168. which leaves you with $9 million.

1169. That is bullshit!

1170. This is unacceptable. Ellis, this is bullshit.

1171. We will walk out of here if you don't honor the full amount.

1172. No, you won't.

1173. You need this $9 million.

1174. Because none of you — not one —

1175. has done a single day of work

1176. from the moment your miserable prick of a grandfather

1177. fell facedown in the sand in Palm Beach.

1178. And after reviewing your holdings,

1179. your business interests, your debts,

1180. I know that this check is the only thing

1181. standing between your family and bankruptcy.

1182. So pick it up, put it in your pocket,

1183. and walk out of here.

1184. Or I will.

1185. ♪bold music♪

1186. Let's get out of here.

1187. Mnh!

1188. So, now the Axelrod name

1189. will be forever affixed to this building for all time.

1190. Or until some guy richer than me

1191. wants it to come down.

1192. You really started something.

1193. ♪Not that it's wrong, that it needs righting♪

1194. ♪Just all alone♪

1195. ♪I've been high tiding♪

1196. ♪Some quick or some slow♪

1197. ♪Sometimes it drops so low♪

1198. ♪And I ride as it rises♪

1199. ♪Concerns capsizing♪

1200. [ding!] mm.