1. - Previously on Big Mouth season two, baby!Copy !req
2. - Boobs!
- Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs!Copy !req
3. - Why is everybody so obsessed with boobs?
- Your chest is concave.Copy !req
4. It's like a spoon.Copy !req
5. My mom says I'm going
to develop in my own time.Copy !req
6. - Hah! You fell for that?
- Holy heck!Copy !req
7. My girl's parents
are going through a dee-vorce!Copy !req
8. I am so tired of feeling bad.Copy !req
9. I've got it from here, love.Copy !req
10. Not the Depression Kitty!Copy !req
11. Let go of everything.Copy !req
12. - This feels so nice.Copy !req
13. Who are you?Copy !req
14. Who am I?Copy !req
15. The Shame Wizard!Copy !req
16. Oh.Copy !req
17. - Slut, Nicky, dick boy, filthy perv...Copy !req
18. - Leave us alone!
- You truly believeCopy !req
19. - you'd be better off without me?
- Oh, we knowCopy !req
20. - we'd be better off without you.
- Oh!Copy !req
21. A world without shame, baby!Copy !req
22. Steve, you are fired.Copy !req
23. It's gonna be weird
not to be Coach Steve any more.Copy !req
24. I guess now I'm just...Copy !req
25. Coach.Copy !req
26. God! I love fucking you both.Copy !req
27. But in such different ways!Copy !req
28. I just need some time
to figure out who I am.Copy !req
29. I'm the only out kid in the school.Copy !req
30. - That's terrifying.
- I know.Copy !req
31. Holy shit, I think we've got one.Copy !req
32. - Bye!
- Bye!Copy !req
33. I need a new hormone monster,
and this time, I want someone good.Copy !req
34. Hello, my tasty little tortellini.Copy !req
35. - Connie?
- Baby, you are in very good hands.Copy !req
36. Your own!Copy !req
37. - I know you like me, okay?
- Of course!Copy !req
38. So why don't you know that you like me?Copy !req
39. - Aah, Andrew, you're freaking me out!
- Well, Missy—Copy !req
40. What happened there, cowboy?Copy !req
41. Can't you see what's going on here?
He's trying to steal you from me!Copy !req
42. - I bet he can walk!
- Stop it!Copy !req
43. - Are you okay?
- Jeez Louise, the optics on this.Copy !req
44. - Missy!
- Missy!Copy !req
45. - Jesus.
- That is some weird-assCopy !req
46. toxic max-culinity.Copy !req
47. All right! You're all caught up!Copy !req
48. Get ready for season three, baby!
What are you gonna do?Copy !req
49. "A Chode to Spring" by Maurice Beverley.Copy !req
50. Behold the sun, the fiery anus of the skyCopy !req
51. Melting away the woolen clothes of winterCopy !req
52. Exposing skin, sweet flesh
A budding side-boobCopy !req
53. A peek of midriff and legs, legs, legsCopy !req
54. Lean haunches
Squatting low beside a bike rackCopy !req
55. Revealing a butt crackCopy !req
56. Oh, glorious spring, a rebirth!Copy !req
57. A fresh start for everyoneCopy !req
58. Except you, Andrew Glouberman.Copy !req
59. Ugh. Do you think everyone remembers?Copy !req
60. - Oh, my goodness, Lars!Copy !req
61. They do now.Copy !req
62. - I told you he needed that chair.Copy !req
63. Yes, obviously. In retrospect,
he needed the wheelchair.Copy !req
64. I think.Copy !req
65. Andrew, I made you a doghouse.
Get in, you bald bitch.Copy !req
66. I thought you said
it was growing in nicely?Copy !req
67. Look, I think you're gorgeous.Copy !req
68. Uh, everyone, I have a brief statement.Copy !req
69. These past two weeks
have been a difficult,Copy !req
70. but very necessary,
learning experience for me.Copy !req
71. And frankly, I'm ready to rejoin
the middle school communityCopy !req
72. and pretend that none of this
ever happened.Copy !req
73. Can you believe this guy?Copy !req
74. Just waltzing in here
like nothing happened?Copy !req
75. It just makes me so, so—Copy !req
76. It's okay, Missy,
he's not worth our energy.Copy !req
77. You're right,
I just need to cool downCopy !req
78. and go to my happy place.Copy !req
79. Oh, Missy, this is the life.Copy !req
80. Indeed, Nathan Fillion.Copy !req
81. There's nothing more gratifying
than flying through the cosmos,Copy !req
82. spreading peace and understanding.Copy !req
83. Yes, if only our space janitor
was doing his job.Copy !req
84. You know what, folks,Copy !req
85. it's not that easy flinging shit
out of the window by hand.Copy !req
86. Oh, please.
Monkeys do it every day.Copy !req
87. Oh, Nathan, your wit is only matched
by your fat package.Copy !req
88. Fat package. I feel better now.Copy !req
89. What does Lars have that I don't?Copy !req
90. Well, for starters, a full head of hair.Copy !req
91. You look like a coconut
that fell into a campfire.Copy !req
92. - Andrew! Focus up!Copy !req
93. We're supposed to be making
a shit-sucking birdhouse!Copy !req
94. Why is he so angry?Copy !req
95. Well, because Jay has quit
masturbating for a currently unknown,Copy !req
96. but, I'm sure, very fucked-up reason.Copy !req
97. It's definitely not because I banged
a male couch cushion,Copy !req
98. and now my dick is confused
about who she wants to fuck!Copy !req
99. Hold on.
You think your dick is a woman?Copy !req
100. Yeah! I'm not gay, dude.Copy !req
101. So you're not gonna jerk off at all?Copy !req
102. - You're just going cold turkey?
- Cold turkey?Copy !req
103. If I was gonna fuck a turkey,
I would warm it up,Copy !req
104. like a goddamn gentleman!Copy !req
105. I bet you 20 bucks,Copy !req
106. by the end of this episode,
that boy's gonna bone a turkey.Copy !req
107. Oh, man, gulp-a-roni!
Look at all that exposed skin.Copy !req
108. Hey, Jay, why don't you baste me?
Gobble, gobble.Copy !req
109. Hey, bro, what about me?Copy !req
110. I wanna get stuffed too.Copy !req
111. Ohhh!Copy !req
112. - Look at that crispy, buttery skin.
- What?Copy !req
113. - My favorite finger!Copy !req
114. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
115. Andrew just fingered me.Copy !req
116. Fuck!Copy !req
117. Oh, please.Copy !req
118. Your barbaric boy maimed
my idiot son.Copy !req
119. And the trials
of Andrew Glouberman continue.Copy !req
120. - You're gonna pay for this, Guy.
- I'm not paying for shit.Copy !req
121. It's not Jay's fault, he was distracted.
These girls are dressed like whores.Copy !req
122. And the guys are dressed
like straight-up hunks.Copy !req
123. - What the hell are you talking about?
- Myself. I'm a hunk.Copy !req
124. And if that makes me gay,
then I should probably just go and what?Copy !req
125. I don't know, jerk off?
Sh-Should I? Is that a nod?Copy !req
126. Couldn't we have done separate meetings?Copy !req
127. My name is Jay's Mom
and I'm an alcoholic.Copy !req
128. I'm not payin'
for this crazy woman's bullshit rehab.Copy !req
129. Stop quoting
my legendary law commercials.Copy !req
130. Look, folks, I have 49 days
until retirement.Copy !req
131. And?Copy !req
132. That's it. That's my take
on this clothing issue.Copy !req
133. I hear you all, I really do.Copy !req
134. As Dean of Student Life,
I think I have a solution.Copy !req
135. - Okay, let's dialogue.Copy !req
136. So, we all agree there's a lot of toxic
masculinity at this school, right?Copy !req
137. - Yeah, the other day I was—
- Hey, Jessi.Copy !req
138. Now's the time to listen, okay?Copy !req
139. Now, clearly, the male students
can't control themselves.Copy !req
140. - They're animals, that's not their fault.
- What?Copy !req
141. So, to protect our strong,
empowered womenCopy !req
142. from the white-hot male gaze...Copy !req
143. Oh! More like white-hot male glaze.Copy !req
144. My balls are about to shit.Copy !req
145. we'll be implementing a dress code.Copy !req
146. - Dress code? What?
- Oh, what?Copy !req
147. Ah, come on!Copy !req
148. Why don't you just teach the boys
some impulse control?Copy !req
149. Well, that seems hard.Copy !req
150. Now, to show you
what students can no longer wear,Copy !req
151. here is Lola Skumpy.Copy !req
152. Lola?Copy !req
153. Now, all you fuckwads
who say I'm not a modelCopy !req
154. can munch my brunch hole.Copy !req
155. No leggings, jeggings,
short skirts, short shorts,Copy !req
156. tank tops, crop tops,
halter tops or tramp stamps.Copy !req
157. 'Cause this is my money maker
and you don't get a receipt.Copy !req
158. Um... Okay. I'm sorry,
but those are all girl clothes.Copy !req
159. Apology accepted, Missy,
but you know what? Why don't you stand up?Copy !req
160. - Uh...
- Now everybody look at Missy.Copy !req
161. There's absolutely
nothing provocative about her clothing.Copy !req
162. The way she's dressed,
she could be a boy, or a girl, or a MinionCopy !req
163. - from the Despicable Me franchise.
- What?Copy !req
164. Some of you sexy girls
should be more like Missy.Copy !req
165. Oh, God, my happy place.Copy !req
166. That's better.Copy !req
167. Captain, since you're
such a nice space girl,Copy !req
168. I want you to transport
a dangerous prisoner,Copy !req
169. the most shrill and unhinged
young woman in the galaxy.Copy !req
170. You got that right.
What's up, mother truckers?Copy !req
171. Oh, no! It's my angry psycho clone,
Mirror Missy.Copy !req
172. I'm a bad B with a big itch,Copy !req
173. and I'm gonna scratch your eyes out
and finger fudge the holes.Copy !req
174. - Ooh. She's unpleasant.
- Why is she so scary?Copy !req
175. Men are threatened by women
who don't shy away from conflict.Copy !req
176. I'm sorry, Commander,
but we cannot transport this prisoner.Copy !req
177. - This is a peaceful ship.
- More like a piece of shit!Copy !req
178. Andrew's holding a piece of shit.Copy !req
179. Well, I'd rather have a piece of shit
than a fat package.Copy !req
180. - Really?
- No.Copy !req
181. Captain, you serve
at the pleasure of the Federation.Copy !req
182. Be a sweetheart
and do as you're told, sweetheart.Copy !req
183. Um... Okay.Copy !req
184. And so, in summary, great job, Missy.Copy !req
185. Way to dress like a unisex toddler.Copy !req
186. - Thank you?
- You're welcome.Copy !req
187. Missy, you did not just thank him.Copy !req
188. Yeah, I heard it,
I don't know why I just did that.Copy !req
189. Hey, Lizer, would you like to speakCopy !req
190. to how this dress code
will affect the boys?Copy !req
191. Oh, shut up.Copy !req
192. Thank you, Jessi,
I was just gonna get to that.Copy !req
193. The boys are not allowed to wear
T-shirts with curse wordsCopy !req
194. or luchador masks.Copy !req
195. I feel personally targeted.Copy !req
196. Ugh! Lizer's infuriating.Copy !req
197. That fake feminist motherfucker!Copy !req
198. Let's burn his Chevy Volt.Copy !req
199. Why are you so angry?
You don't even wear those clothes.Copy !req
200. Yeah, she always wears red pants
and a purple shirt.Copy !req
201. Nick, that's not the point.
It's the whole sexist,Copy !req
202. "You're asking for it
in that short skirt" thing.Copy !req
203. It's called rape culture.Copy !req
204. Whoa-oh-oh! Oh-ho!
Droppin' the R word over here.Copy !req
205. Jessi, I admire your passion,
but I think we should all just calm down.Copy !req
206. No! The girls should not be punishedCopy !req
207. because the boys
won't control themselves.Copy !req
208. We can't control ourselves, Jessi!
You heard Lizer.Copy !req
209. Boys are animals, full of cum and fury.Copy !req
210. Is that true? Are we animals?Copy !req
211. - Is that why I freaked out on Lars?
- Yeah, you're animals.Copy !req
212. I mean, have you seen
the boys' bathroom?Copy !req
213. It's like the toilet's a suggestion.Copy !req
214. Hey, I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think Jay is right.Copy !req
215. - What?
- Fuck, yeah!Copy !req
216. Jay's never been right.Copy !req
217. Well I do feel out of control
all the timeCopy !req
218. and I think I'm gonna use that
as an excuse for my actions.Copy !req
219. No. Because that's— That just means
that you can just do whatever you wantCopy !req
220. and cut off fingers
and pull wheelchairs out of people.Copy !req
221. - Missy, you sound crazy right now.
- Oh.Copy !req
222. Just jerk yourself off
and get your shit together!Copy !req
223. I'm gonna blast you out of the universe,
you science lesbo.Copy !req
224. Missy, we can't take another hit.Copy !req
225. We should surrender,
he's a mad man.Copy !req
226. Fire back! Right in the crack!Copy !req
227. But he's so loud and confident,
I can't even think.Copy !req
228. So don't, dork,
just blast his butt wide open!Copy !req
229. No, Missy! Your non-confrontational nature
is one of the thingsCopy !req
230. I find most attractive about you.Copy !req
231. Okay, yeah. Uh... evasive maneuvers!Copy !req
232. Retreat, retreat!Copy !req
233. Whatever, never mind.
I mean, I love science!Copy !req
234. And if I were a lesbian,
that would be fine! What? Oh!Copy !req
235. Hah! Did you guys see me win
that conversation?Copy !req
236. She walked away making flustered noises.Copy !req
237. You guys are all such pigs.Copy !req
238. Yeah, y'all are raw, dirty pigs,Copy !req
239. filled with trichinosis and worms!Copy !req
240. Me? Hold on. Jessi, what did I do?Copy !req
241. Yeah, what did he do?
He just stood there and said nothin'--Copy !req
242. Oh. You just stood there and said nothin'!Copy !req
243. Like Billy Bush! I miss him on Extra!Copy !req
244. It's the first day of the dress code
at Bridgeton Middle,Copy !req
245. and things are already super weird.Copy !req
246. - Uh... Too short over here.
- Ugh.Copy !req
247. You'll be wearing
the Grimace costume today.Copy !req
248. That's right, folks,
the offending girls have to wearCopy !req
249. the excess wardrobe from the fall play,Copy !req
250. The Ronald McDonalogues.Copy !req
251. I'm really enjoying this.Copy !req
252. Excuse my French,
but isn't this a little bit bogus?Copy !req
253. Yeah! I can't believe
he made me the Hamburglar!Copy !req
254. Even though I do steal burgers
from McDonald's. Rubble, rubble.Copy !req
255. It is bananas that we have to dress up
like fast-food mascots or get sent home.Copy !req
256. Ugh, this costume is ridiculous,Copy !req
257. - I'm gonna have to get naked to shit.
- Uh...Copy !req
258. Yes, I'm an attractive woman and I shit.Copy !req
259. Devin, she's just like us.Copy !req
260. You know what, we should all just wear
our sluttiest outfits tomorrow.Copy !req
261. That's... actually not a bad idea.Copy !req
262. It could be like a form of protest.Copy !req
263. Yeah, protests are cool now.Copy !req
264. Hold on. Are you suggesting,
like, an Amber Rose Slut Walk?Copy !req
265. Ooh! I love that.Copy !req
266. Um... "Do we really wanna call ourselves
the S-word?" is the question.Copy !req
267. All right, pitching...Copy !req
268. What about,
"A bunch of skanks walking the plank?"Copy !req
269. Yeah, let's be sexy pirates
with peg legs made of dildos.Copy !req
270. Let's just stick with Slut Walk.
We're gonna take back that word.Copy !req
271. I'm Captain Jack-off My Sparrow,
I loves red wine and scarves.Copy !req
272. Bwark! Free the nipple.Copy !req
273. Um... Mom, do you have any sexy clothes?Copy !req
274. Mm, I have a corduroy photographer's vest
that won't unzip.Copy !req
275. - Is that what you mean?
- I don't think so.Copy !req
276. Why do you ask, firefly?Copy !req
277. Well, um, all of the girls
are wearing sexy clothes tomorrow,Copy !req
278. - to protest the dress code—
- Protest?Copy !req
279. That's important work.
Do you want some bras to burn?Copy !req
280. That's the only reason I have them.Copy !req
281. But don't give them all away.
I use one of them to gather radishes.Copy !req
282. Huh. Okay, I'm not sure I actually
feel comfortable dressing provocatively.Copy !req
283. Well, it's your choice how to dress.
That's the whole point of the protest.Copy !req
284. I can just wear my overalls?Copy !req
285. - Of course you can.
- Oh, thank goodness!Copy !req
286. And just to be clear,
I put the radishes in the bra.Copy !req
287. - I don't wear the bra.
- Okay, Dad.Copy !req
288. Great, just as long as we're
on the same page about the radish bra.Copy !req
289. - Do I wear it?
- No!Copy !req
290. And then Jessi called us pigs,
and none of it was my fault.Copy !req
291. Well, did you speak up
on behalf of the girls?Copy !req
292. What? No, why would I do that?Copy !req
293. Because your dumb-ass,
misogynist friends might listen to you.Copy !req
294. Yeah, but I don't wanna be
the guy that tells other guysCopy !req
295. - they're being misogynistic.
- Well, why not?Copy !req
296. - Because they'll call him a pussy.
- Thank you, Judd.Copy !req
297. Since when did being called
a beautiful genitalCopy !req
298. - become an insult?Copy !req
299. I must have missed that lesson
at Man University.Copy !req
300. You guys don't understand
the politics of childhood.Copy !req
301. Nicky, the girls are going through
something right now,Copy !req
302. and you can either be an ally,
or an asshole, like Judd.Copy !req
303. I'm a gaping asshole. Respect my truth.Copy !req
304. Well, if you're a pussy
and you're a gaping asshole,Copy !req
305. then I must be the world's luckiest taint.Copy !req
306. Mm!Copy !req
307. Whoa. Um...Copy !req
308. What are you wearing, Jessi Bear?Copy !req
309. We're protesting the dress code.Copy !req
310. That's great, but that's a lot of skin.Copy !req
311. - Are you saying that my body's not my own?
- Of course not.Copy !req
312. That I don't know what I'm doing
and that I'm objectifying myselfCopy !req
313. and maybe this is a terrible idea
and I should just—Copy !req
314. I think you look really powerful, Jessi.Copy !req
315. - Oh. Thank you.
- Yeah. Thank you, Dina.Copy !req
316. Oh, shit! Cantor Dina likes it?Copy !req
317. - Is this whole thing a mistake?
- I don't know, but we're in too deep.Copy !req
318. I already got a tramp stamp.Copy !req
319. It says "Slut Walk," right?Copy !req
320. Um...Copy !req
321. Ladies and gentlemen,
mesdames and monsieurs, bienvenue!Copy !req
322. The filthy tweenage girls
of Bridgeton Middle present,Copy !req
323. "The Slut Walk."Copy !req
324. I did.Copy !req
325. Being a cock tease is
every woman's right.Copy !req
326. These feminists make
my underwear tight.Copy !req
327. I think you missed the point.Copy !req
328. It's empowering to be jiggly,Copy !req
329. - hot and twerky.
- What?Copy !req
330. Okay, stop.Copy !req
331. That was fun, what just happened?Copy !req
332. I though we were really
finding our groove.Copy !req
333. You guys are being disgusting!Copy !req
334. So much skin! Uh, sex...
Uh... meat! Sex meat!Copy !req
335. - Jesus, Jay, just go jerk off already!Copy !req
336. Oh, my God, you guys are all,
like, total animals.Copy !req
337. Exactly. That's what I've been saying,
we're animals.Copy !req
338. You're not animals, stop saying that.Copy !req
339. Well, why don't you stop telling me
what I can and can't say?Copy !req
340. Yeah, this country was built
on hate speech!Copy !req
341. - How about this? Stop being a creep!
- I'm not being a creep.Copy !req
342. You're the ones that dressed up all sexy,Copy !req
343. and then you get mad at us
for saying you're sexy.Copy !req
344. - What do you bitches want from us?Copy !req
345. - Bitches?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
346. Andrew, they're not bitches,
they're sluts.Copy !req
347. Don't call us sluts!Copy !req
348. - But you're calling yourselves sluts.
- We're allowed.Copy !req
349. Look, I'm just trying
to be an ally to women.Copy !req
350. Why are you taking the girls' side?Copy !req
351. - Yeah, you're a pussy.
- Oh, no. Judd was right!Copy !req
352. I bet you have a pussy. Let me see it.Copy !req
353. I can't win.
What the hell am I supposed to do?Copy !req
354. I don't know. Apologize on a podcast?Copy !req
355. Oh. Am I late?Copy !req
356. Yes, Missy, and you're not wearing
the right clothes either.Copy !req
357. But didn't you see my sign?Copy !req
358. Who cares?
You're, like, a traitor to your gender.Copy !req
359. Okay, I will process
that social pain on my own time.Copy !req
360. Uh, Jessi,
could I get a little backup here?Copy !req
361. I mean, that is just
what you wear every day.Copy !req
362. Why do you always have to be
such a goody-goody?Copy !req
363. But wha...Copy !req
364. You betrayed us!Copy !req
365. Die, Space Judas!Copy !req
366. You're just like
when I testified against my mom.Copy !req
367. Missy, the ship has sustained
too much damageCopy !req
368. from the previous attacks,
and Andrew's clogged the toilet.Copy !req
369. And I still have more to give.Copy !req
370. You gotta get pissed!
Fire back at those fudging girls!Copy !req
371. I can't! I'm likable, that's my thing.Copy !req
372. Well, then, let me out! I'll do it.Copy !req
373. - No!
- The ship is malfunctioning.Copy !req
374. And the toilet's overflowing, Andrew!Copy !req
375. - I'm sorry.
- Whoo-hoo! I'm free, bitches!Copy !req
376. Oh, no, the prisoner escaped!Copy !req
377. What am I gonna— No. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
378. I just wanted
to... be a... part of this.Copy !req
379. Ew! You're crying now?Copy !req
380. - Classic girl move.
- Oh. Now she's yelling and she's crying.Copy !req
381. You know what? This might be
my morning soda talking,Copy !req
382. but fuck everybody, I'm outta here.Copy !req
383. And all the clocks in this school
are showing different times.Copy !req
384. Well, well, well.Copy !req
385. It looks like the girls have "gone wild,"
as they say.Copy !req
386. We're protesting,
your sexist dress code.Copy !req
387. And because of that, guess what,Copy !req
388. you all just got yourselves
detention after school.Copy !req
389. My classroom, girls,
do not change clothes.Copy !req
390. We're not girls, we're ladies.Copy !req
391. Oof!Copy !req
392. Fuck, my cock-sucking ankle.Copy !req
393. I mean, they say
they don't want us to look,Copy !req
394. but then they're parading around
in these short skirts.Copy !req
395. - These prude-sluts are so confusing.
- I can't even think straight.Copy !req
396. You know what you need to do?
Ah! Put your opinion online.Copy !req
397. Don't think— Shout out to UCB.Copy !req
398. Fuck it, we'll do it live!
Shout out to Bill O'Reilly.Copy !req
399. Hey, what's up family?
It's Fart Boy, you know me.Copy !req
400. I farted into a dumpster.Copy !req
401. I ripped one into a dirty puddle.Copy !req
402. But I'm not here to fart today.
I'm here to toot the truth.Copy !req
403. - Toot, toot.
- Can you smell it?Copy !req
404. 'Cause it's not silent, but it is deadly.Copy !req
405. Holy cow, Andrew, this is perfect.Copy !req
406. - What do women want?
- Shout out to my boy, Mel Gibson.Copy !req
407. 'Cause I don't know.Copy !req
408. There was this girl, okay,Copy !req
409. and I tried bein' the sweet guy
they're always sayin' they want—Copy !req
410. - But they don't want no nice guy.
- And she dumped me.Copy !req
411. - Ooh!
- So then I tried to be the cool guy.Copy !req
412. - Kangol hat, y'all.
- But she didn't like that either,Copy !req
413. 'cause I guess I pulled a kid
out of a wheelchair or something?Copy !req
414. Fake news.Copy !req
415. Guys, it's just hard
to be a boy these days.Copy !req
416. Hard out here for a Fart Boy! Fart fart!Copy !req
417. Anyone else feelin' me?Copy !req
418. Less talk, more farts.Copy !req
419. Press your ass against the camera
and fart.Copy !req
420. Please check out my fart videos! Big fan!Copy !req
421. Hey, man, there are a lot of guys
out there who feel the same way.Copy !req
422. Really?Copy !req
423. Hey, should I go?Copy !req
424. Meet up with a bunch
of random men from the Internet?Copy !req
425. Um, yes, please.Copy !req
426. It's completely unfair
the girls got detention.Copy !req
427. Have they repealed
the First Amendment yet?Copy !req
428. Look, as a Fox News Jew,
I think they were dressed like trollops.Copy !req
429. Well, as an NPR woman,
who was born Jewish,Copy !req
430. but no longer practices Judaism,
I think the boys acted terribly.Copy !req
431. God, you're so shrill.
You sound like a goddamn teapot!Copy !req
432. - Don't talk to my wife like that.
- I don't need you to defend me, Cyrus.Copy !req
433. My name is Jay's Mom
and I have a secret daughter.Copy !req
434. - Sit down!
- Damn it, Lizer!Copy !req
435. You did a dress code, and it didn't work!Copy !req
436. So what are you gonna do now,
you weasel schmuck?Copy !req
437. Uh...Copy !req
438. - Yeah, what are you gonna do?
- Uniforms?Copy !req
439. - Uniforms?
- Stiff, scratchy, unattractive uniforms?Copy !req
440. I, for one, wanna hear more
about that secret daughter.Copy !req
441. Ugh! I look like a fucking Mormon.Copy !req
442. - Hey.
- Oh, good, you look like shit too.Copy !req
443. Whoa. What's your problem?Copy !req
444. - I'm pissed off, asshole!
- She's pissed off, asshole!Copy !req
445. Look, I get it,
it sucks that you got detention.Copy !req
446. Come on, give him a break,
he's sympathetic.Copy !req
447. You don't get it. You don't know
what it's like being a girl.Copy !req
448. - People tell you what to wear!
- I just—Copy !req
449. The whole world tells you
how big your boobs should be.Copy !req
450. - Really?
- And you called us sluts!Copy !req
451. Well, I'm sorry for all of that stuff,Copy !req
452. but, Jessi, I'm on your side.Copy !req
453. I just literally don't know what to do.Copy !req
454. Well, I don't know exactly either!Copy !req
455. I think it might just be this long
conversation we all have to keep having!Copy !req
456. - Well, fine, then let's have it.
- I think we are having it.Copy !req
457. - Really? Right now?
- Yes, this is it.Copy !req
458. - Well it's not that bad.
- It's fine.Copy !req
459. - All right!
- Go ahead.Copy !req
460. - Great!
- Can I have the last word for once?Copy !req
461. - Yes.
- Just don't be the guyCopy !req
462. that always has to say the last thing.Copy !req
463. - Okay.
- Don't do it!Copy !req
464. - Can I just give you a hug?
- No!Copy !req
465. - No?
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
466. Damn, y'all are in middle school
and you havin' this big-ass conversation.Copy !req
467. I loves you guys.Copy !req
468. Hey, my best friends
are best friends again.Copy !req
469. - Coach Steve?
- Oh, I wish!Copy !req
470. I got fired from Walgreens
and now I'm Coach Mannequin Steve.Copy !req
471. Downside is, you know,Copy !req
472. I'm technically no longer a human being.Copy !req
473. Upside is I can pop my arm offCopy !req
474. for awesome high fives.Copy !req
475. High five!Copy !req
476. I love you, my very quiet dudes.Copy !req
477. Uh-oh, there goes Richard.Copy !req
478. All I wanted was
to keep wearing my overalls.Copy !req
479. And now I have to wear this stupid skirt
and everyone's mad at me.Copy !req
480. Oh, quit the waterworks,
you pathetic little butt munch.Copy !req
481. No, stay away from me!
I just wanna be sad.Copy !req
482. Bull honky!
You're not sad, you're angry.Copy !req
483. Furious! You're a cop
and someone just killed your partner.Copy !req
484. The day before he was supposed to retire.Copy !req
485. It's a tragedy! He bought a frigging boat!Copy !req
486. Ah! Stop it! I hate you!Copy !req
487. You're mean and uglyCopy !req
488. and I don't want people to think
that I'm like you.Copy !req
489. Well, guess what, Hitler's nut?Copy !req
490. I am you!Copy !req
491. Shut up!Copy !req
492. Gah! What have I done?Copy !req
493. That's what I'm talkin' about, baby.Copy !req
494. Tastes like power.Copy !req
495. Hey, firefly. So, here's the bra
with several radishes in it.Copy !req
496. As you can see, I'm not wearing it, right?Copy !req
497. - Okay, Dad, yeah, I get it.
- Then say it.Copy !req
498. You don't wear the bra.Copy !req
499. - And?
- It's for radishes!Copy !req
500. Sweet dreams, firefly.Copy !req
501. Ooh.Copy !req
502. What's that sexy smell?Copy !req
503. Mm!Copy !req
504. Whoa! What are you doin' here?Copy !req
505. There's never food in this house.Copy !req
506. - Ohhh.Copy !req
507. You're not for eating.Copy !req
508. Let me make sure I understand
what you want.Copy !req
509. You're saying I need to fuck youCopy !req
510. before my body completely shuts down?Copy !req
511. - Uh—Copy !req
512. Ohhh. You've busted your trussing,
you dirty bird.Copy !req
513. Yeah, I'm surprised I knew that word, too.Copy !req
514. So we get to the restaurant,
and I don't open the door for herCopy !req
515. because I guess
I'm not supposed to now.Copy !req
516. Didn't you get the memo, Dan?
Chivalry's dead.Copy !req
517. Yeah, yeah, we're all laughing.Copy !req
518. And then she freaks out at me.
It's like, what do they want from us?Copy !req
519. See, this is what I'm talkin' about!
We can't win!Copy !req
520. - This kid gets it! What's up, little dude?
- Hello, other dudes.Copy !req
521. Hey, buddy, welcome. Share your struggle.Copy !req
522. Okay. Well, there was this girl—Copy !req
523. - Boo!
- Yeah, thank you.Copy !req
524. Exactly. Women are all mixed up
nowadays, right?Copy !req
525. They seem to have forgottenCopy !req
526. that their biological imperative
is to have babies.Copy !req
527. Oh, okay.Copy !req
528. Because... And this is science, right?Copy !req
529. Women's brains are smaller.Copy !req
530. No, they're not.Copy !req
531. And that's why my wife
was stupid enoughCopy !req
532. to leave me for a "black doctor,"Copy !req
533. - whatever that means.
- Probably that he went to medical school.Copy !req
534. And then her Jew lawyer says
it's because I beat up my gay neighbor.Copy !req
535. It's PC bullshit.Copy !req
536. That's why we need
a patriarchal ethno-stateCopy !req
537. of pure European blood!Copy !req
538. - Yeah!
- Truth, man!Copy !req
539. Okay, I get it now. They're Nazis.
We're with Nazis!Copy !req
540. All right, lock the door, Andrew.Copy !req
541. We're gonna Inglourious Basterds
these A-holes.Copy !req
542. You want to light the room on fire
and kill everybody?Copy !req
543. Yeah, what were you thinking?Copy !req
544. I was thinking
we just leave the Nazi meeting.Copy !req
545. - I mean, nobody knows we're here.
- Hello, Andrew.Copy !req
546. - Oh, God, of course, it's you.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
547. Bring it on. I'm a bad guy,Copy !req
548. I've made another seriesCopy !req
549. - of terrible choices...
- Yeah.Copy !req
550. And now I'm hanging out
with white supremacists.Copy !req
551. Yes, yes, all those things,
that's why I'm here.Copy !req
552. Hey, man, how you gonna pay
for this Nazi dildo?Copy !req
553. - Your card got declined.
- Ugh.Copy !req
554. Swipe it again,
I— I— I literally just bought a Twix.Copy !req
555. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
556. - Oh, yeah. You want that gravy?Copy !req
557. - Oh, yeah! You do?Copy !req
558. Oh, my gravy boat's so full of gravy.Copy !req
559. - Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah!Copy !req
560. Oh, that's right.Copy !req
561. - Oh!Copy !req
562. Get stuffed!Copy !req
563. Rarty. Party. Party.Copy !req
564. I made that turkey
for a dinner party.Copy !req
565. Hey, Nick. How am I?Copy !req
566. I'm okay, I went to a Nazi meeting.Copy !req
567. - Oh, Andrew.
- Oh, no, no. I didn't like it.Copy !req
568. Well, that's good news.Copy !req
569. Hey, what's goin' on with you lately?Copy !req
570. I don't know, it's—
it's just been really hardCopy !req
571. with the Missy and the Lars thing,Copy !req
572. 'cause it made me so angry
and I thought that I was the victim,Copy !req
573. but now I think
that maybe I'm the asshole.Copy !req
574. - That is possible.Copy !req
575. I don't want
to have hate in my heart.Copy !req
576. - Aw. Come here, buddy.
- Oh, God. They hated Jews so much.Copy !req
577. I know, it's hard.Copy !req
578. You know what's not hard? My dick!Copy !req
579. - That's great, Jay.
- Don't you wanna know why?Copy !req
580. Let me guess, you fucked a turkey.Copy !req
581. What? No, you wish.Copy !req
582. Okay, I did and it was awesome.Copy !req
583. I called it.Copy !req
584. Get this. At one point, it was on top!Copy !req
585. The turkey rode me, reverse turkey girl.Copy !req
586. Oh, Jay, how did I ever let you go?Copy !req
587. Ooh, and she let me cheese on her giblets.Copy !req
588. Whoa. Guys, check it out.Copy !req
589. Missy's not wearing her uniform.Copy !req
590. Miss Foreman-Greenwald,
what am I not seeing on your body?Copy !req
591. Uh...Copy !req
592. You've broken the rules, Captain,
and now it's time to pay the price.Copy !req
593. Missy, we must surrender!Copy !req
594. He's too strong for us!
We're all gonna die!Copy !req
595. Mr. Shit is right.Copy !req
596. No, Mr. Shit is wrong.Copy !req
597. It's time to fight back!Copy !req
598. Yeah, it's time to finger fudge
some eye sockets!Copy !req
599. Don't trust her, Missy.Copy !req
600. Shut up, you sweet beefcake,Copy !req
601. with your pillow lips
and your perfect skin.Copy !req
602. Tick-tock! It's dick punch o'clock.Copy !req
603. And I don't like to be late!Copy !req
604. I'm not wearing my uniformCopy !req
605. 'cause it's butt ugly and stupid!Copy !req
606. And you are a creepy, sexist fudge face!Copy !req
607. - Yeah, Missy!Copy !req
608. Oh, now you're cheerin'? Rah-rah-rah!Copy !req
609. Your cheers are hollow.Copy !req
610. You shamed me for what I wore!Copy !req
611. All you girls are
a bunch of hypocrites!Copy !req
612. - Ha-ha! Suck it, ladies!
- Oh, button your yap, Jay!Copy !req
613. - Yeah, that's my bad.
- And just so you know,Copy !req
614. boys aren't animals,
they are capable of self-control!Copy !req
615. I learned that, too, Missy.Copy !req
616. - And you!
- Oh, no.Copy !req
617. We went out for, like,
five fudgin' days.Copy !req
618. I don't owe you squat-diddly!
Get over it, Señor Poop!Copy !req
619. Okay, Missy, that's enough!Copy !req
620. Chow down on your vertical frown, Lizer!Copy !req
621. What is that supposed
to even mean to me?Copy !req
622. Uh, what that is actually
supposed to meanCopy !req
623. is that now it is time
for you to eat your own ass, you bozo!Copy !req
624. - Caleb, are you rolling on this?
- I got everything after "Señor Poop."Copy !req
625. This? My asshole?
You can't talk to— No.Copy !req
626. - The kid's right, Lizer.Copy !req
627. Eat your own ass.Copy !req
628. - I—
- I got 45 days left,Copy !req
629. and you've made a mess of everything.Copy !req
630. Now, kids, whose names I don't know,Copy !req
631. middle school is the worst time
of your life.Copy !req
632. No need for us
to make it any harder, right?Copy !req
633. So no more uniforms,
no more sexist dress codes.Copy !req
634. - I'm happy, too.Copy !req
635. The next person
who speaks to me is expelled.Copy !req
636. Missy! Missy!
Missy! Missy! Missy!Copy !req
637. Ah, spring. A new season has begun.Copy !req
638. And as the days grow longer,Copy !req
639. like so many math class boners,Copy !req
640. the dreams, they grow wetter.Copy !req
641. For April showers
bring Austin Powers.Copy !req
642. Do I make you horny, baby?Copy !req
643. Season three will.Copy !req
644. Whoo! Season three is underway.Copy !req
645. Did you see that one episode is called
"How to Have an Orgasm"?Copy !req
646. In my case, it's a bottle of roséCopy !req
647. and getting my wings choked out.Copy !req
648. Hit it, Luda.Copy !req
649. Luda!Copy !req
650. Feel this, just gets meaner and meaner
each time, baby.Copy !req
651. Feelin' real good, too.Copy !req
652. Ha, ha. Good At Bizness.Copy !req
653. - Chirp.
- Fathouse.Copy !req