1. If you hump, you can't dump!Copy !req
2. Oh, my God. What is this?Copy !req
3. We're protesting you, Andrew.Copy !req
4. First you blammo'd on my floor
and then you blammo right out the door.Copy !req
5. Tell us.Copy !req
6. When exactly did you know
you were gonna dump Lola?Copy !req
7. Was it before or after you came
in your Costco jeans?Copy !req
8. The time line's unclear.Copy !req
9. Oh, please. They were just
two horny kids getting their rocks off.Copy !req
10. I don't see what the big deal is.Copy !req
11. The big deal is
he knew he didn't like her,Copy !req
12. but he still chose to use herCopy !req
13. to defile his denim dungarees.Copy !req
14. Oh, shit. Is that what I did?Copy !req
15. - Nick, your friend sounds pretty gross.
- Look, Gina—Copy !req
16. I'm not gonna hang out with a guy
who's best friends with a creep.Copy !req
17. Does that mean
you do wanna hang out with a guyCopy !req
18. - who's not best friends with a creep?
- Maybe.Copy !req
19. - What're you doing this weekend?
- Nothing.Copy !req
20. Well, you should maybe make plans,Copy !req
21. 'cause it's weird
to be alone on a weekend.Copy !req
22. - Um, I'm gonna go to class now.
- All right.Copy !req
23. Click click, bam!Copy !req
24. Lock him up!Copy !req
25. Jesse? You're protesting me too?Copy !req
26. Well, if what Lola said is true,Copy !req
27. and I tend to believe her
because I listen to women...Copy !req
28. - So do I!
- ... then you're a real slime bag, man.Copy !req
29. Yeah, Andrew.
I'm honestly very disappointed.Copy !req
30. I didn't think
you were that kind of a man.Copy !req
31. Oh, God.Copy !req
32. Harmless dweeb or disgusting sex monster?
You decide.Copy !req
33. Disgusting sex monster!Copy !req
34. - Rise and shine, Nickie.Copy !req
35. It's time to macho move
Jesse's dad into Guy Town.Copy !req
36. No ladies allowed except in our hearts.Copy !req
37. Dad, it's too early for your enthusiasm.Copy !req
38. Uh-oh! Mr. Teenager has his claws out.Copy !req
39. Please don't do that.Copy !req
40. I'm just so jazzed
for our manly moving date.Copy !req
41. - Check this out.
- Is that a back brace for ladies?Copy !req
42. 'Cause that's for sure Rosie the Riveter.Copy !req
43. Nobody messes with Rosie. She's tough.Copy !req
44. Like spending time
with my mother-in-law. Ha-ha!Copy !req
45. That's a man joke. I'm kidding.Copy !req
46. I love Nana.Copy !req
47. Hello?Copy !req
48. Duke, are you having
a ghost orgy in my closet again?Copy !req
49. - Oh my God!Copy !req
50. - Hey there. Hey...Copy !req
51. - It's okay, you can come out.
- You scared me.Copy !req
52. - I'm Tyler.
- Are you my new Hormone Monster?Copy !req
53. I sure am, and you're my first kid.Copy !req
54. - You've never done this before?
- No way, Jose.Copy !req
55. I'm a monster-in-training.
That's why I don't have my horn yet.Copy !req
56. - I don't get it until I'm certified.
- Oh!Copy !req
57. So... what should we do first?Copy !req
58. Well, I'm actually glad you're here.Copy !req
59. There's this girl Gina I like,
and she just broke up with her boyfriend.Copy !req
60. Okay, that's great. We're diving right in.Copy !req
61. Girls are so cool.Copy !req
62. Don't understand them.Copy !req
63. - But I love them.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
64. - Know what you should do?
- What?Copy !req
65. - Get rose petals...
- Yeah?Copy !req
66. and make a trail from her lockerCopy !req
67. - to the cafeteria...
- Okay.Copy !req
68. but then you're in the cafeteria
standing up on a lunch tableCopy !req
69. - and then you do a cool dance...
- Cool dance?Copy !req
70. and then balloons drop
from the ceiling,Copy !req
71. and the balloon say "Gina"!Copy !req
72. Um... my first instinct is
that sounds kind of corny.Copy !req
73. Dang! Stupid!Copy !req
74. - What about something else? Other ideas?
- Sure.Copy !req
75. - Okay, here's what you do.
- Okay.Copy !req
76. You sneak up on her,
and you put your shirt over her head,Copy !req
77. and she's blind, you scream, "Gina!"Copy !req
78. - That seems like assault.
- Yep, it is.Copy !req
79. - Okay, reboot.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
80. - Girls love to be saved.
- Do they?Copy !req
81. So let's find
a nice remote set of train tracks—Copy !req
82. - I'm gonna stop you right there, okay?
- God, I suck at this!Copy !req
83. Tyler, you shitty tit-sucker.Copy !req
84. You're never gonna get your horn.
Nick hates you!Copy !req
85. - I don't hate you.
- You don't?Copy !req
86. No, not yet.Copy !req
87. - Good. We're friends again!
- Yeah.Copy !req
88. - Let me take a picture of your penis.
- What?Copy !req
89. For my phone!
So when you call, I know it's you.Copy !req
90. I don't understand
why they call it the bitch seat.Copy !req
91. I got to rest my hands on the knees
of two men who I truly love.Copy !req
92. Take your hand off my knee.Copy !req
93. I really appreciate
you guys being here for me.Copy !req
94. Look at his place!
It's like a daycare center for lonely men.Copy !req
95. Why would anybody move into Guy Town?Copy !req
96. Well, since Guy Bilzerian
is my divorce lawyer,Copy !req
97. I get 200 bucks off
the first month's rent.Copy !req
98. Okay, that's enough for me.Copy !req
99. Besides, this is what I deserve
for exposing Jesse to my edibles.Copy !req
100. - I'm trash.
- No. You are not trash.Copy !req
101. You're just in the recycling bin,Copy !req
102. waiting for life to turn you
into two-thirds of a coffee cup.Copy !req
103. Oh, please! Recycling's a scam,Copy !req
104. like stuffed crust pizza.Copy !req
105. It's just more cheese and bread.Copy !req
106. You're actually losing tomato sauce!Copy !req
107. Did you boys have fun back there?Copy !req
108. - No, not really.
- I had fun.Copy !req
109. I threw up
in that Simplehuman garbage can.Copy !req
110. Oh! That's no good,
'cause that's a nice ass trash can.Copy !req
111. That's right, I'm back, you motherfuckers.Copy !req
112. What's my life span?Copy !req
113. It is unclear.Copy !req
114. - You're Maury, right?
- Yeah, no pictures.Copy !req
115. I'm Tyler. I'm a huge fan.Copy !req
116. Your work with Bret Michaels
was truly inspiring.Copy !req
117. - I know. Rock of Love was my idea.
- Really?Copy !req
118. - What's that you got there?
- It's a present for Nick.Copy !req
119. I'm really good at drawing weapons,Copy !req
120. so I drew him a sword
and I have a wicked crossbow!Copy !req
121. Don't bring him presents.
That's weird, man.Copy !req
122. Okay. Thanks for the advice.Copy !req
123. God! I'm so excited.Copy !req
124. I'm gonna make
this little boy's dick so hard!Copy !req
125. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
126. Hey, man.
That's not how we talk about these things.Copy !req
127. Oh, sorry. Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
128. I'm gonna make
this little boy's penis so hard.Copy !req
129. That's better.Copy !req
130. I'm here in Guy Town,Copy !req
131. the local hive of toxic masculinity.Copy !req
132. Matthew? What are you doing here?Copy !req
133. I'm exposé-ing you.Copy !req
134. People wanna continue hating you,
and I'm gonna give them what they want.Copy !req
135. I'm using my backpack as a dolly.Copy !req
136. Defend yourself, pig.Copy !req
137. Okay, yes.
I did give into my most primal urges,Copy !req
138. but in my defense, who among us has not
excited their shaft for carnal relief?Copy !req
139. - I would appreciate—
- Cut!Copy !req
140. Was that no good?
I was just being honest.Copy !req
141. You were being creepy and weirdly formal,
Professor Pervert.Copy !req
142. Indeed, Professor Pervert.Copy !req
143. What are you teaching next semester?Copy !req
144. Ogling 101? Jizz-a-nomatry?Copy !req
145. Oh, please. You can't learn
Jizz-a-nomatry in a classroom.Copy !req
146. You gotta get out in the field
and you know, jack off in a field.Copy !req
147. Some scarecrow watching.Copy !req
148. Oh, man, that dude's a fucking weirdo.Copy !req
149. - What's up, jerks?
- Hey, Jay.Copy !req
150. Get ready for your minds to end up
like my dad's dick on my mom's birthday:Copy !req
151. - Totally sucked off.
- Ugh!Copy !req
152. I present to you... Guy Town!Copy !req
153. Jay, this place is a total bummer.Copy !req
154. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
155. Well, okay, fine.Copy !req
156. The song is pretty catchy,
but this place is still gross.Copy !req
157. Yeah. Did you see that Fleshlight
at the poker game?Copy !req
158. If you didn't,
you should definitely rewind.Copy !req
159. Andrew... oh, this is
my new hormone monster, Tyler.Copy !req
160. Hey! I like your mustache.Copy !req
161. I bet you have lots of pubes.
Can I see them?Copy !req
162. Hey, again, not the way we do things.Copy !req
163. Andrew, will you be a dear
and refasten my locket?Copy !req
164. - Dad...
- Actually, the locket is for Greg.Copy !req
165. Inside is a picture
of who he needs to love the most:Copy !req
166. Himself.Copy !req
167. Okay, if it's Greg's,
why are you wearing it?Copy !req
168. - To warm it up.
- What?Copy !req
169. Boys, look at me.
You know when you put on a fresh locket,Copy !req
170. and it's just too darn cold on your skin?Copy !req
171. - No, no idea.
- Dad, can we not talk about the locket?Copy !req
172. Sure. What do you wanna talk about?
Other family membersCopy !req
173. - who are having a tough time?
- What? No.Copy !req
174. We're just talking about
this girl Nick likes.Copy !req
175. - Andrew—
- He doesn't know how to get her.Copy !req
176. Boys, a real man doesn't get a girl.Copy !req
177. He woos her. Woo.Copy !req
178. Maybe he's right.
I mean, he did get your mom,Copy !req
179. - and she's hot.
- Hey, rookie!Copy !req
180. Don't talk about the mom stuff
in front of the kid.Copy !req
181. But mommy titties are the softest.Copy !req
182. Nickie, you have to tell her how you feel.Copy !req
183. Be vulnerable and romantic.Copy !req
184. Gina, you make me feel
vulnerable and romantic.Copy !req
185. Send.Copy !req
186. She's gonna love it!Copy !req
187. She's gonna hate it.Copy !req
188. Why is she typing so slowly?Copy !req
189. - What did she say?
- "Ha."Copy !req
190. - Just says "Ha."
- Ooh! A single ha.Copy !req
191. Yeah, that ain't laughing.Copy !req
192. This unit has a killer layout.Copy !req
193. The Jerk-off Nook has a view of the pool.Copy !req
194. Are you boys moving in?Copy !req
195. No, we're helping our dear friend Greg.Copy !req
196. I have that same kimono.Copy !req
197. If this kimono could talk,
it would be nothing but bullshit.Copy !req
198. You know, I had to stop wearing mine
because the silk was too rough.Copy !req
199. You didn't have that problem?Copy !req
200. Baby doll, with the amount of tanning
I've done, I feel nothing.Copy !req
201. My tummy's like a wallet.Copy !req
202. Can I borrow a 20?Copy !req
203. Nick, I'm pretty sure
this guy thinks your dad is...Copy !req
204. I can see what's happening.Copy !req
205. - A proud member of the LGBT.
- I get it!Copy !req
206. Bye! Stop by if you need a cup of sugar.Copy !req
207. Or tequila!Copy !req
208. Well, what do we have here?Copy !req
209. You must be the sad old queen of Guy Town.Copy !req
210. Ah! You must be
the catty little gay character.Copy !req
211. I'm sorry, but I don't want a flyer
for your cabaret show.Copy !req
212. I'm busy at noon on a Thursday.Copy !req
213. Oh, that's quick.
Listen, baby Billy Eichner,Copy !req
214. being young, gay, and mean
is not a personality.Copy !req
215. Nick, I think we're witnessing a gay duel.Copy !req
216. I've never seen anyone
talk to Matthew like this.Copy !req
217. Uh, for your information, Martha Raye,Copy !req
218. I'm more than young, gay, and mean.Copy !req
219. Really? What else you got?Copy !req
220. Uh... I happen to be investigating a boy
who jizzed in his pants.Copy !req
221. Oh, honey, that's how I wasted my 20s.Copy !req
222. Goodbye Peter Twink-lage.Copy !req
223. Matthew, I don't think
that you're just gay and mean.Copy !req
224. Who cares what you think,
you bag of burrata!Copy !req
225. You know,
burrata is actually pretty expensive,Copy !req
226. so I take that as a compliment.Copy !req
227. I do it with tomato and peach.
No one's listening.Copy !req
228. I'm listening. That shit sounds good.Copy !req
229. Sweet and savory? Okay.Copy !req
230. Argh! Nothing is up to code in here!Copy !req
231. See that?
That's supposed to be a smoke detector.Copy !req
232. That's disgusting.Copy !req
233. Also, is that a parody of a song
we're supposed to know?Copy !req
234. Whoa! Greg gets a waterbed?Copy !req
235. Cool, right? We also have water-cribsCopy !req
236. if you're dumb enough
to get custody of your stupid baby.Copy !req
237. Oh boy!Copy !req
238. I knew I was pushing it
with this box of blankets.Copy !req
239. Big Nickie, help lower
your little daddy to the floor.Copy !req
240. - Gently! Your little daddy's delicate.Copy !req
241. - Ouch!Copy !req
242. I think we should look away.
You know, out of respect.Copy !req
243. But it seems like he's doing it
for our benefit?Copy !req
244. Why is there carpet in the kitchen?Copy !req
245. You have any idea
the mold that could form?Copy !req
246. What is this place?Copy !req
247. What am I supposed to do?
Go out and find an apartment I like?Copy !req
248. Get my credit checked?
Buy some furniture?Copy !req
249. Stop waking up in the middle of the night
to smoke pot?Copy !req
250. Yes, Greg!
That's what you're supposed to do.Copy !req
251. It's called being a man.Copy !req
252. - Well, clearly I failed as a man.
- Argh!Copy !req
253. Jay, can you take my lease up your dad?Copy !req
254. Dammit!
And tell him we need a surge protector.Copy !req
255. There are no outlets!Copy !req
256. Just one extension cord that goes
all the way to the Chevron next door.Copy !req
257. My dad is such a wuss.Copy !req
258. - I wish he could be more like your dad.
- Oh! Cheap and angry?Copy !req
259. No! Like a man.Copy !req
260. Well, my dad is not a man.Copy !req
261. He is a one-star Yelp review come to life.Copy !req
262. All right, guys.
You better Yentl your tits,Copy !req
263. 'cause we're about to enter
the most macho place on Earth.Copy !req
264. Whoa!Copy !req
265. This is like the nicest suite
at the worst hotel in Atlantic City.Copy !req
266. Yeah, this blood smuggler
couldn't pay my dad,Copy !req
267. so he gave him a fuck-ton of marble.
It's super easy to hose down.Copy !req
268. - Jay! I need more ketchup.
- Nice! I'll get you some more packets.Copy !req
269. Hey, Jay,
why is your dad eating a steak dinnerCopy !req
270. - in an old fashioned barber chair?
- Jay, jack me up!Copy !req
271. You got it, Dad!Copy !req
272. Guy, your toilet's out of water again.Copy !req
273. That's how I know
you're not shitting in there.Copy !req
274. Oh Guy, you're terrible.Copy !req
275. Yeah, he really is.Copy !req
276. Guys, this is my dad's
super-cool receptionist, Taffiny.Copy !req
277. Oh! What happened to your wrist, sweetie?Copy !req
278. Go on. Tell her.Copy !req
279. Oh, nothing.Copy !req
280. He dry-humped a girl and dumped her,
so she broke his wrist.Copy !req
281. Wow!
This kid humped and dumped.Copy !req
282. Well, I came, and then went.Copy !req
283. - You're a little pimp, aren't you?
- Oh, I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
284. Uh, you know, some say I'm a creep.Copy !req
285. Fuck that! You're just a 13-year-old manCopy !req
286. who took what he wanted.Copy !req
287. - Ha!
- Like me. I live balls out,Copy !req
288. and I give zero fucks.Copy !req
289. That's pimp. Right, Taffiny?Copy !req
290. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
291. Let's live that pimp life.
Whoop! Whoop!Copy !req
292. Is that what you are, Andrew?Copy !req
293. - A greasy little pimp?
- I don't know.Copy !req
294. It does seem like a lot more fun
than being a creep.Copy !req
295. - And I got the whole outfit—
- At the Halloween store?Copy !req
296. - Yeah, the Halloween store.
- You know what, little stud?Copy !req
297. You're coming
to the players' ball tonight.Copy !req
298. - I'm making you Pimp of the Month.
- Mazel tov, baby.Copy !req
299. Okay, yeah!
I'm the Pimp of the Month.Copy !req
300. Give me the cash, bitches.Copy !req
301. Nick! Jay's Dad is a total stud muffin.Copy !req
302. You should ask him about Gina.Copy !req
303. Ha. That's actually not a bad idea.Copy !req
304. Um... Mr. Bilzerian,Copy !req
305. there's this girl at school
who I really like,Copy !req
306. but I don't know how to ask her out.
What do you think I should do?Copy !req
307. That's simple.Copy !req
308. You just need to remind her
that you're better than she is.Copy !req
309. - That seems mean.
- Yeah, mean guys fuck.Copy !req
310. - Nice guys clean it up.
Ew!Copy !req
311. I don't wanna clean up
someone else's oopy-soup.Copy !req
312. Ugh!Copy !req
313. So Andrew, you're a pimp now.Copy !req
314. How does that change things for you?Copy !req
315. Well, if I had my druthers,Copy !req
316. - I'd invest in a bejeweled chalice...
- Fancy drink.Copy !req
317. A shirt with a collar
that goes past my shoulders.Copy !req
318. - This motherfucker looks good.
- I may dabble in a little black voice,Copy !req
319. - I'm sure I'll pull back on that quick.
- That's what's up.Copy !req
320. And I certainly won't be afraid
to strut my stuff.Copy !req
321. - Not scared of the strut!
- It's an equilibrium thing.Copy !req
322. Oh, look at you.Copy !req
323. You're wobbling around
like a newborn horse.Copy !req
324. That's right. Newborn horse.Copy !req
325. Big ass knees.
Wibble-dy wobble-dy.Copy !req
326. Andrew, you're not a pimp!
Quit pretending to be one.Copy !req
327. Maybe I wanna be a pimp!Copy !req
328. I'm sick of feeling bad
about all the bad things that I do,Copy !req
329. and I wanna forget them and be pimp.Copy !req
330. That's right. Living that unexamined life!Copy !req
331. Why do you have cassette tapes
of a band called "Puh-Hish"?Copy !req
332. - It's Phish, Marty.
- Who cares! It's all clutter.Copy !req
333. That's not clutter.
Those are memories.Copy !req
334. - Whoa!
- I know you thinkCopy !req
335. because my vision's bad
I don't smell well,Copy !req
336. but nothing could be further
from the truth.Copy !req
337. - I'm sorry, who are you?
- I'm your new roommate, Leo.Copy !req
338. - Huh? I have a roommate?
- Couple ground rules.Copy !req
339. I like to fall asleep to Frasier,Copy !req
340. and the dishwasher, my friend,
is only for jewelry.Copy !req
341. I know you.
You're Rabbi Poblart's adult son.Copy !req
342. I heard about your failed wigs
for religious dogs business.Copy !req
343. Uh-huh. Well, if you heard about it
from the dogs,Copy !req
344. you're only getting one side
of the story.Copy !req
345. Okay. So what's the other side
of the story?Copy !req
346. This motherfucker's scary,
and he's Greg's roommate?Copy !req
347. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
348. Darkness ascends...Copy !req
349. Mm-mmm. No, thank you.Copy !req
350. Caleb, do you think
I'm just young, gay, and mean?Copy !req
351. Yes.
- I'm a lot more than that.Copy !req
352. I have a whole backstory
about how I used to live in Texas,Copy !req
353. and I got bullied online.
They called me the steer queer.Copy !req
354. Nobody wants to hear about that.
- Exactly!Copy !req
355. They just want me to be sharp
and cutting, and funny.Copy !req
356. Are you funny?
- Yes!Copy !req
357. And stylish, and I'm a good person.Copy !req
358. That is not
what others say about you.Copy !req
359. Okay, turn off the camera.Copy !req
360. - Why won't Gina write back?
- I don't know.Copy !req
361. - Do you think my text was too mean?
- What did you say?Copy !req
362. - Well, Guy said I should be mean to her.
- Gotcha.Copy !req
363. So I wrote,
"You want to do something tomorrow,"Copy !req
364. and then, "Oh shit,
that was meant for someone else."Copy !req
365. Ooh, yes!Copy !req
366. - That's pimp.
- That's what's up. Pimps and scrimps.Copy !req
367. - No boys, that's ew.
- Dad...Copy !req
368. I hate to insult someone
behind their back,Copy !req
369. but Guy Bilzerian,
he's not the kind of man you wanna be.Copy !req
370. - What? No.
- He may look fancy from the outside,Copy !req
371. but he's falling apart on the inside,
just like this building.Copy !req
372. Uh, Dr. Birch,
you're sounding like a hater.Copy !req
373. - Haters gonna hate.
- I hate this hater!Copy !req
374. Yeah, what do you know, Dad?Copy !req
375. You gave me terrible advice about Gina,Copy !req
376. and you can't even carry a couple
of blankets without hurting yourself.Copy !req
377. Uh-oh! The claws are out again.Copy !req
378. - Stop doing that.Copy !req
379. - Stop purring, Dad.
- Yeah, stop it!Copy !req
380. Why can't you be more of a man
and not such a pussy?Copy !req
381. What does your pretty mommy
even see in him?Copy !req
382. - She wrote back.Copy !req
383. - What did she say?
- She said, "Ew."Copy !req
384. Titty-shits!
Now I'm never gonna get my horn.Copy !req
385. So you're making this about you?Copy !req
386. Yeah.Copy !req
387. DJ Pendejo,Copy !req
388. coming at you live
from the players' ball.Copy !req
389. Scritchy-scitchy-scratch!Copy !req
390. Coach Steve? Why are you at Guy Town?Copy !req
391. I do my laundry here,
and in return, I DJ for free.Copy !req
392. But I do accept tips.Copy !req
393. Like how do you get people
to make eye contact with you?Copy !req
394. So is this a monthly thing, or—Copy !req
395. Time has lost all its meaning for me.
Soon it will for you, too.Copy !req
396. Oh, no, I don't plan on staying here long.Copy !req
397. That's what my last roommate said.
Then, he died of penis worms.Copy !req
398. - They ate his flesh from the dick out.
- Whoa!Copy !req
399. Ah! There you are!
Your father's very upset.Copy !req
400. He won't even drink
the little saucer of milk I gave him.Copy !req
401. How did I end up
with such a weirdo for a dad?Copy !req
402. Look, your dad does a lot of stuff
that drives me crazy.Copy !req
403. The kissing on the mouth.
He orders appetizers.Copy !req
404. - He asks me how I'm doing. Who cares?
- But Mr. Glouberman, I'm just saying—Copy !req
405. The point is, the man is smart
and he knows who he is,Copy !req
406. which is more than you can say
for most people.Copy !req
407. - Yeah.
- Now if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
408. I'm gonna go break down boxes,Copy !req
409. which is my favorite thing to do.Copy !req
410. Guy Townies,Copy !req
411. ladies I found on the street in Trenton.Copy !req
412. I want to introduce you
to the Pimp of the Month.Copy !req
413. All right!
- Pimp of the Month!Copy !req
414. Jesus!Copy !req
415. These sad men
keep getting younger and younger.Copy !req
416. Pimp of the Month!Copy !req
417. Will you please tell us all
about your signature move,Copy !req
418. - the Cream and Shuffle.
- Cream and Shuffle?Copy !req
419. Oh, what do you mean?
A hump and dump? Oh, okay.Copy !req
420. Hello. So I was at this girl's condo...Copy !req
421. What's the address?Copy !req
422. - Uh... Dad?
- Hey.Copy !req
423. What are you doing here, jelly bean?Copy !req
424. I wanted to surprise you.Copy !req
425. Ugh! Who are these guys?Copy !req
426. And what's Andrew doing?Copy !req
427. So I don't like this girl at all,Copy !req
428. - but she wanted to rub fronts.
Rub fronts!Copy !req
429. Yeah, this guy knows
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
430. and I thought it would feel good,
you know?Copy !req
431. So I did it anyway,Copy !req
432. even though I knew that I didn't like her.Copy !req
433. Speak up!Copy !req
434. And then I broke up with her.Copy !req
435. And she cried,Copy !req
436. and, uh... yeah,
now that I say it out loud,Copy !req
437. - I don't feel very good about it at all.
Whoo!Copy !req
438. It's just, it's hard, man,Copy !req
439. 'cause I'm horny.Copy !req
440. I'm horny all the time.Copy !req
441. And I'm making bad choices,Copy !req
442. but at the end of the day,Copy !req
443. I'm not a pimp,Copy !req
444. and I don't want to be one.Copy !req
445. Boo! That sucked.Copy !req
446. I knew he wasn't a pimp.Copy !req
447. He's more of a john.
He will pay for sex in his lifetime.Copy !req
448. I truly believe that.Copy !req
449. Of course he will, and I shall be there.Copy !req
450. Yeah, me too. Wanna carpool?Copy !req
451. Dad, what is this place?Copy !req
452. It's Guy Town.Copy !req
453. - And you must be Greg's ex. My, my.
- This is my daughter.Copy !req
454. Your daughter's an eight
for the figure alone.Copy !req
455. - What the fuck?
- Okay, that's it!Copy !req
456. I might deserve this shithole,
but she doesn't.Copy !req
457. Guy, I'm sorry,
but you gotta let me out of my lease.Copy !req
458. Oh, Greg. No one leaves Guy Town.Copy !req
459. - Oh, shit!
- Is he okay?Copy !req
460. He's not breathing. We need a doctor.Copy !req
461. I've got a doctor...Copy !req
462. Dre signed basketball
in the trunk of my car.Copy !req
463. Just kidding. I wish.Copy !req
464. What I do have is a nurse...Copy !req
465. Jackie signed T-shirt.Copy !req
466. Over here!Copy !req
467. I'm a doctor.Copy !req
468. My dad's kind of a badass.Copy !req
469. Yeah, your little kitty daddy
is a tiger mommy.Copy !req
470. Oh! Hello.Copy !req
471. Everyone, he's going to be okay!Copy !req
472. Dad! That was amazing.
You're like a hero.Copy !req
473. I guess this pussy is pretty good
at meowth to meowth resuscitation.Copy !req
474. - Okay.
- Meowth.Copy !req
475. Look, I don't care if I signed a lease.Copy !req
476. I won't have
my daughter spend another minuteCopy !req
477. in this electrical deathtrap!Copy !req
478. You listen to me, Bilzerian.Copy !req
479. We'll get the city council
to shut this place down!Copy !req
480. Good luck.
I've bribed half the city council,Copy !req
481. and blackmailed the other half.Copy !req
482. We just got you saying
all that Scooby-Doo stuff on tape.Copy !req
483. It's not on tape. It's a memory card.Copy !req
484. Give me that camera!Copy !req
485. This camera belongs to the AV Club!Copy !req
486. Oh, no! My hair!Copy !req
487. No! Don't look!
Don't look at me! Look away!Copy !req
488. Pimp of the Month.Copy !req
489. I think I can feel the penis worms
going up my dick hole.Copy !req
490. I can feel them devouring my cock!Copy !req
491. Hey, um...Copy !req
492. are you okay?Copy !req
493. I just ordered a Hawaiian pizza
from Little Caesars.Copy !req
494. What does that tell you?Copy !req
495. I'm sorry if I was rude before.Copy !req
496. Yeah, well,
I probably owe you an apology, too.Copy !req
497. I shouldn't be picking fights
with little kids.Copy !req
498. That's probably a good policy.Copy !req
499. What can I say? I got issues.Copy !req
500. And I guess I saw
a little bit of myself in you.Copy !req
501. I would never wear a kimono.Copy !req
502. Okay, right there.
That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
503. You don't have to be
a little prick all the time.Copy !req
504. You can let your guard down
once in awhile.Copy !req
505. And what? Be nice?Copy !req
506. Wouldn't kill ya.
You know, I wish I was a little nicer.Copy !req
507. I might not have ended up here.Copy !req
508. How did you end up in Guy Town?Copy !req
509. You're in luck, kid.
I've written a one-man musical about it.Copy !req
510. Sit down!Copy !req
511. We open on Stonewall.Copy !req
512. 1969.Copy !req
513. - A minimal set.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
514. - What's that now?
- I can't wait!Copy !req
515. I need to be home in 17 minutes.Copy !req
516. - So kiddo, what's going on with Gina?Copy !req
517. - Uhh... I think I'm just gonna give up.
- Give up?Copy !req
518. But you really like her.Copy !req
519. Yeah, but I don't know how to ask her out.Copy !req
520. That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.Copy !req
521. Just do what you like to do
and bring her along.Copy !req
522. - Well, I like go-karts.
- That's a terrible interest!Copy !req
523. Nickie, why don't you invite Gina
to do go-karts?Copy !req
524. - Come on, Greg! Let's go!Copy !req
525. What's your hurry? I don't even know
where I'm sleeping tonight.Copy !req
526. I got three words for you:Copy !req
527. Be my roommate
in the storage unit where I live,Copy !req
528. which is on the diaper barge.Copy !req
529. Greg.Copy !req
530. This is Guy Town.Copy !req
531. I originally came here to do a story
about a lumpy gourd of a boy,Copy !req
532. but I ended up learning a few things
about what it means to be a man.Copy !req
533. Sometimes being a man means
putting the people you love first,Copy !req
534. and sometimes it means
owning up to your mistakes.Copy !req
535. Go away, Andrew!Copy !req
536. I just want to say that I'm sorry.Copy !req
537. Get out of here and never come back,Copy !req
538. like every single one
of my pageant coaches.Copy !req
539. Not all men value the same things,Copy !req
540. and that means
you can be any man you want.Copy !req
541. Oh!Copy !req
542. Steve... hey.Copy !req
543. Where is this diaper barge going?Copy !req
544. To Diaper Island, of course.Copy !req
545. Good night, Greg!Copy !req
546. All you need to do
is figure out who you are,Copy !req
547. - and be true to yourself.Copy !req
548. - I got a golf cart engine.
- Whatever! You're cheating!Copy !req
549. - Whoo!Copy !req
550. Winner!Copy !req
551. Yeah! We kicked buns!Copy !req
552. Ooh, yeah!Copy !req
553. What's happening?Copy !req
554. Oh, my horn!Copy !req
555. Nobody warned me it would hurt this much!Copy !req
556. It feels like I'm being impaled
by my own spine!Copy !req
557. Oh, God!Copy !req
558. No!Copy !req
559. God! Jesus Christ! Fuck!Copy !req
560. It's cool!Copy !req
561. Oh, my horn looks cool!Copy !req