1. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
2. Oh, yeah...Copy !req
3. Abra-cum-dabra!Copy !req
4. Ha! Ta-da!Copy !req
5. - Whoo! That was amazing.
- So good.Copy !req
6. Yeah. I really unloaded in you.Copy !req
7. - I love you, too.
- All right!Copy !req
8. I'm gonna go wash my dick off
before school.Copy !req
9. Wait, Jay, can I talk to you
about something?Copy !req
10. Ugh. Okay, listen, for the last time
I am not gonna take you apple picking.Copy !req
11. No, it's not that.
I don't know how to say this, but...Copy !req
12. - I'm late.
- Late? You're a pillow.Copy !req
13. - You have nowhere to go.
- No, Jay. I'm pregnant.Copy !req
14. What?Copy !req
15. Nice. I mean, how would that
even be possible?Copy !req
16. Come on, don't be naive, Jay.
I told you to use protection.Copy !req
17. What? No, I thought
you meant from stains!Copy !req
18. - I'm not ready to have a baby!
- Well, you better get ready.Copy !req
19. Oh, man! Oh, man! This is—Copy !req
20. Boys, wash your dicks
and get ready for school!Copy !req
21. Okay, Mom!
Already on it, Ma!Copy !req
22. Shit, I'm late to wash my dick.Copy !req
23. Wow, that was not good.Copy !req
24. My whole thing is like,
he's bad at clarinet.Copy !req
25. - True, but nobody else auditioned.
- He's wearing a hat.Copy !req
26. I also like his hat.Copy !req
27. He reminds me of a young Woody AllenCopy !req
28. playing a surprise gig
at the Carlyle Hotel.Copy !req
29. Woody Allen. Ho-ho.Copy !req
30. That guy is 85 pounds of pure sex.Copy !req
31. Woody Allen was accused of molestation.Copy !req
32. He says he didn't do it,
but he did marry his stepdaughter.Copy !req
33. It is both very complicated
and very simple.Copy !req
34. - I say we let Andrew in.
- God help us.Copy !req
35. Andrew, welcome to Jazz Club.Copy !req
36. And on a personal note,
I like your fedora.Copy !req
37. It evokes jazz's colorful past
and funky future.Copy !req
38. That was the exact vibe
I was trying to summon.Copy !req
39. Good banter. Now tell her you want
to wear her ass as a hat.Copy !req
40. - Really? Should I?
- No, no, don't do that.Copy !req
41. I'm off my game.
The Woody Allen stuff really threw me.Copy !req
42. That guy's a hero. Not artistically,
just personally speaking.Copy !req
43. Remember that girl from camp
I told you about, Roland?Copy !req
44. Oh, yeah, Roland. I was picturing
an older man named Roland.Copy !req
45. Right. No, I didn't kiss
an older man at camp.Copy !req
46. - The heart wants what it wants.
- Anyway, she texted me last night.Copy !req
47. Quote, "Come into the city tomorrow.Copy !req
48. - We should hang out and whatevs."
- Ooh!Copy !req
49. - Do you know what "whatevs" means?
- Short for whatever.Copy !req
50. No, I think "whatevs" implies
that she wants to make out.Copy !req
51. Making out with a city girl. Wow.Copy !req
52. Andrew, we are going to New York.Copy !req
53. Me? Or, I'm sorry,
is there a fun person behind me?Copy !req
54. Like a dumb idiot, wears a fun shirt?Copy !req
55. No, you. You're fun.Copy !req
56. Oh, no, Nick. No, no, thank you,
but I am not fun.Copy !req
57. - I have many virtues. I'm loyal.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
58. - I have a huge puffy winter coat—
- The biggest.Copy !req
59. But fun? No.
I think you should go by yourself.Copy !req
60. But I want to go with my best friend.Copy !req
61. And Andrew, I didn't want to play
the jazz card,Copy !req
62. but what about jazz?Copy !req
63. Andrew, jazz is about taking risks.
It's the only way you get better.Copy !req
64. - At jazz?
- At life!Copy !req
65. Jazz is like life.Copy !req
66. It goes on for longer than you think,Copy !req
67. and then as soon as you're like,
"I get it," it ends.Copy !req
68. - Oh.Copy !req
69. Did someone mention necrophil—
Oh, hey, Duke.Copy !req
70. Hey, Maurice.Copy !req
71. You got that seven dollars you owe me?Copy !req
72. I, uh...Copy !req
73. Andrew, you gotta listen to the Duke.
There's literally hundredsCopy !req
74. of blonde Puerto Rican women
in New York City. Yum, yum.Copy !req
75. - Come on, Andrew, adventure!
- Jazz!Copy !req
76. Puerto Rican blondes
with large hoop earringsCopy !req
77. that you can stick your dick through.Copy !req
78. Excuse me, has anyone
thought about our parents?Copy !req
79. You know, they can track
our cell phones.Copy !req
80. That's why we're giving
our phones to Jessi.Copy !req
81. Hey, Jessi, what if you went with Nick
and I stayed safe and fine?Copy !req
82. I've got bat mitzvah stuff all afternoon.Copy !req
83. But I do think this is good for you,
Andrew.Copy !req
84. - I am so scared.
- Well, embrace it, girl.Copy !req
85. - I'm a boy.
- Get out of your comfort zone.Copy !req
86. Yeah, conquer your fears
and do what I want.Copy !req
87. How do we even get out of class?Copy !req
88. Well, these notes from your parents
were obviously forged...Copy !req
89. Oh, my God.Copy !req
90. in the fires of good parenting.Copy !req
91. Yeah.
- Your folks understand the valueCopy !req
92. of an unsupervised field trip
to Manhattan,Copy !req
93. which doesn't sound suspicious
to me at all.Copy !req
94. I feel guilty exploiting this man.Copy !req
95. I think he's really genuinely happy
to have any human contact.Copy !req
96. You know, I'll actually be
in the city myself later.Copy !req
97. Maybe we should...
I don't know, hang out.Copy !req
98. - You want to hang out with us?
- In Manhattan?Copy !req
99. No, no, deep Queens.Copy !req
100. I'll be at the Patrick Ewing
Brewing Company.Copy !req
101. - Uh...
- Casual dining, ambience up the wazoo.Copy !req
102. Okay. Well, maybe.Copy !req
103. Great! Possible hang sitch?
Cool, all right.Copy !req
104. How do you guys hold a pen?
Like a fork, right?Copy !req
105. All right, Nick, let's go to New York!Copy !req
106. That hat is hilarious!
- It's my jazz hat.Copy !req
107. Oh, boy, you're sincerely
wearing that hat.Copy !req
108. I bought it with the money
from when my grandfather died.Copy !req
109. - Oh, no. How much money?
- $199.Copy !req
110. Ah, yes, a fair price
for a marvelous hat.Copy !req
111. - Morning sickness, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
112. - Thanks for staying home.
- Of course, of course.Copy !req
113. So, have you thought about
what you wanna do?Copy !req
114. - About what?
- You know, like, pregnancy-wise.Copy !req
115. - Are you suggesting...?
- No, not at all.Copy !req
116. - Unless you wanna...
- I'm keeping it.Copy !req
117. Of course! I'm keeping it, too, 'cause
that's what we're doing, keeping it.Copy !req
118. This might be my only chance
to have a baby.Copy !req
119. - I mean, I am 40.
- What?Copy !req
120. - I'm from your grandparents' house.
- Holy shit!Copy !req
121. - What's the big deal?
- Wait, how old do you think I am?Copy !req
122. - You're 40, right?
- Why would you think that?Copy !req
123. Ohh, I'm fuckin' 40. Ooh!Copy !req
124. I'm a famous 40-year-old magician.Copy !req
125. I drive a bright red Tesla I bought
with all my 40-year-old money.Copy !req
126. Yeah, I'm also 40.
I know your grandparents.Copy !req
127. Shut up, shut up, shut up!
I'm 40!Copy !req
128. - So, wait, how old are you?
- I'm 13.Copy !req
129. What? You're too young to be a dad.Copy !req
130. I know! That's why I secretly
want you to get rid of it!Copy !req
131. Well, this is Roland's building.Copy !req
132. Glad you got here safe.Copy !req
133. I'm gonna go possess people
on the street.Copy !req
134. You tell PriceWaterhouse I will—Copy !req
135. Goodbye, businessman.Copy !req
136. Are you nervous
to hang out with Roland?Copy !req
137. - What? Why would I be nervous?
- She's a city kid. They're so cool.Copy !req
138. I mean, remember on Gilmore Girls —Copy !req
139. Also, before we go in there, you know me.Copy !req
140. I'm on record as loving the hat.Copy !req
141. I'm wondering if Roland will like it.
Does that make sense?Copy !req
142. - Is my tone reading?
- Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas.Copy !req
143. - This is the city where jazz flourished.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
144. - I am wearing a jazz hat.
- Right, but—Copy !req
145. - I look like a jazz musician.
- Uh, sure.Copy !req
146. - I'm not gonna embarrass you.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
147. - Do you think they'll have Ezekiel bread?
- What?Copy !req
148. Ezekiel bread.
It's an ancient grain bread.Copy !req
149. I'd like to eat some soon
so I can take my vitamin for dandruff.Copy !req
150. I'll explain it all to Roland.Copy !req
151. Hello? Roland?Copy !req
152. - Hi, Nick.
- Hey.Copy !req
153. - Hey.
- Hi, I'm Andrew Glouberman.Copy !req
154. Bridgeton Middle, first clarinet.Copy !req
155. Look at you! You're fun to me.
You're the big joke.Copy !req
156. - Thank you?
- This hat.Copy !req
157. It's like the mall but it's on your head.Copy !req
158. Well, I'll have you know
I got it at the mall.Copy !req
159. So, how do you two know Roland?
Are you dating her?Copy !req
160. - Andrew.
- I only ask 'cause I know Nick likes her.Copy !req
161. Or, I'm sorry,
are you two dating each other?Copy !req
162. Like, as gays,
or maybe you're just people?Copy !req
163. Andrew, please, shut the fuck up.Copy !req
164. Yes! Mr. Boring, you are
my next art installation.Copy !req
165. I don't mean to be rude,
but what are you exactly?Copy !req
166. Shush down. I'm Mint.Copy !req
167. He is avant-garde artist.Copy !req
168. I once put a question mark
after every sentence in the Bible.Copy !req
169. I hate my parents.Copy !req
170. Oh, yeah, me too.Copy !req
171. Is that a picture of you
with Max Greenfield from New Girl?Copy !req
172. Schmidt, yeah.Copy !req
173. I guess we're, like, friends now.
I don't know.Copy !req
174. - He's too clingy.
- Cool, cool, we're cool.Copy !req
175. - So what are you doing in the city?
- You texted me to come in.Copy !req
176. - So you just like, came in?
- No, I was coming in anyway.Copy !req
177. I wanted to go to the Freedom Tower
and pay my respects.Copy !req
178. You're like this little country mouse,
huh?Copy !req
179. - Coming in from Westchester.
- Uh...Copy !req
180. Well, this city cat's gonna corrupt you.Copy !req
181. Okay.Copy !req
182. Nick— Hi, Roland.Copy !req
183. - Uh, hi?
- Nick, they're snorting pills out there.Copy !req
184. That's fine, Andrew,
'cause we're cool, too.Copy !req
185. They saw me take my vitamin.
For dandruff, Roland.Copy !req
186. I take a vitamin for dandruff.
They thought I was into pharmaceuticals.Copy !req
187. Cool, Andrew, that's funny.Copy !req
188. I'm gonna rat 'em out to the doorman.
I'm gonna rat out everyone.Copy !req
189. - Andrew, you're panicking.
- Oh, the heli's here.Copy !req
190. Of course, a helicopter.Copy !req
191. Yeah. It's the only way to go to Montauk.Copy !req
192. Mint is doing an installation
for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,Copy !req
193. - who's gonna be there, I guess.
- You know The Rock?Copy !req
194. He's so clingy.Copy !req
195. - Nick, I'm not getting on a helicopter.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
196. We came to the city for an adventure,
now we're gonna meet The Rock.Copy !req
197. Right, and as tempting as that is,
I can't fly.Copy !req
198. I have an inner ear thing.Copy !req
199. What about when your family
flew to Europe?Copy !req
200. That was a lie. We drove.Copy !req
201. - To Europe?
- To Clearwater, Florida.Copy !req
202. Come on, Andrew. I got so close
with Roland just now. I need this.Copy !req
203. Andrew, Mint's dolphoodle's
gonna sit on your lap, 'kay?Copy !req
204. Mint's dolpho-what now?Copy !req
205. Dolphoodle. It's a cross
between a dolphin and a poodle.Copy !req
206. - Andrew, you know him.
- I promise you I don't.Copy !req
207. - Oh, dear God in heaven.Copy !req
208. - Hi, boy.
- No, don't, my friend.Copy !req
209. Kevin eats fingers.
He thinks they're baby corn.Copy !req
210. - Who's Kevin?
- The dolphoodle.Copy !req
211. - You have amnesia, you know him.
- So, Nick, are you coming?Copy !req
212. I genuinely don't care,
but just make a decision.Copy !req
213. - Look, I'm not getting on that helicopter.Copy !req
214. The kid I'm with can't fly.
Is there any way we can meet you there?Copy !req
215. Yeah, sure, whatever.
It's Dwayne's place, it's on the beach.Copy !req
216. Great. We'll see you there, no problem.Copy !req
217. Andrew, remember
what I never told you,Copy !req
218. a scream can be music.Copy !req
219. I will, Mint.Copy !req
220. Oh, no, no, my hat!Copy !req
221. Oh, shit, no! Oh!Copy !req
222. It's gone. I'll never forget
the day I got that hat.Copy !req
223. That'll be $199.Copy !req
224. Um...Copy !req
225. It's a chip, man. You gotta stick it in.Copy !req
226. - Yeah, it's not working.
- Fuck. Let me see it.Copy !req
227. Oh, fuck me. James?Copy !req
228. Tanisha!Copy !req
229. - Nick, we have to find my hat.
- We have to go to Montauk.Copy !req
230. We're not going anywhere
until we find my hat.Copy !req
231. Fine, okay, we will find your jazz hat
and then we will go to Montauk.Copy !req
232. And at some point I actually am
going to need that Ezekiel bread.Copy !req
233. - Right, for your dandruff vitamin.
- Yeah, it's a twice daily.Copy !req
234. Babe! Babe, unlock the door!Copy !req
235. What's going on in there?
Are you okay?Copy !req
236. Jay, I felt it kick.Copy !req
237. What? Who kicked you?
I'll kick his ass!Copy !req
238. - No, the baby. It's moving.
- What?Copy !req
239. So just to clarify, that means
the aborsh is completely off the tabes?Copy !req
240. - Yeah, Jay.
- Okay, good, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
241. 'Cause technically you can do it
up until the baby's crowning.Copy !req
242. Stop quoting your dad's law commercials.Copy !req
243. Come here and feel it.Copy !req
244. - Whoa.
- Yeah.Copy !req
245. Holy shit, babe, we created a life.Copy !req
246. - We did.
- This might be my greatest magic trick.Copy !req
247. - We did it together.
- It's like I'm the magicianCopy !req
248. - and you're my trusted assistant.
- Maybe we're both the magician.Copy !req
249. Pam, will you make me
the happiest magician on Earth?Copy !req
250. Oh, Jay.Copy !req
251. - No.
- What?Copy !req
252. I will throw myself down the stairs
and frame you for the murder!Copy !req
253. All right, it's clear what happened here.Copy !req
254. The pillow, in a fit of rage,
threw the sexy child magicianCopy !req
255. down the stairs, he dies.Copy !req
256. She took him down. Goose down.Copy !req
257. Have you seen my sunglasses?Copy !req
258. Are these your sunglasses?Copy !req
259. Whoa! The kid's magic.Copy !req
260. Um, excuse me,
have you seen this hat?Copy !req
261. Excuse me, ma'am,
have you seen a lame jazz hatCopy !req
262. that's keeping me from my ultimate goal?Copy !req
263. Sweetie pie, have you tried
looking inside your own butthole?Copy !req
264. - Pardon me?
Nick, it's me.Copy !req
265. - Duke?Copy !req
266. Did you know I've been inside
11 different people today?Copy !req
267. That ties my record
from when I was alive.Copy !req
268. - Wow.Copy !req
269. - You're drunk, Duke.
- No, you're Duke.Copy !req
270. - Drunk.
- Duke, we lost my jazz hat.Copy !req
271. Well, then, let's go and find it.Copy !req
272. We can't just go running around the city.Copy !req
273. - Of course you can.
- We could get lost.Copy !req
274. That's nonsense.Copy !req
275. You're never lost in New York City.Copy !req
276. Over there.Copy !req
277. - Is he gonna be okay?
- He's famously dead.Copy !req
278. I'm not too worried about him.Copy !req
279. We, on the other hand,
are completely lost.Copy !req
280. - Oh, my God, look.Copy !req
281. My jazz hat.
Come on.Copy !req
282. Oh.Copy !req
283. - Oh, my God.
- What is this? Two girls, one hat.Copy !req
284. In flagrante de lesbo.Copy !req
285. It's a whole scene, man.Copy !req
286. - Oh, me, oh, my.
- That's Jessi's mom.Copy !req
287. She saw us. We're gonna be
in oh so very much trouble.Copy !req
288. Let's all disappear.Copy !req
289. - Nick?
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
290. - Andrew?
- Just to be clear,Copy !req
291. we didn't see you kissing a lady
who's not your husband.Copy !req
292. This is obviously very awkward.Copy !req
293. - Is it?
- It is.Copy !req
294. - Look, I'm in the midst of something.
- Great.Copy !req
295. I met this person
who happens to be a woman.Copy !req
296. - No judgment.
- And I've really connected with her.Copy !req
297. - And truthfully Greg and I...
- Your husband.Copy !req
298. haven't been happy
in a really long time.Copy !req
299. And, you know, he's checked out,
I'm trying to check in.Copy !req
300. - Does Jessi know?
- No, and...Copy !req
301. - I don't want her to know yet.
- I see.Copy !req
302. But I also know I can't ask you to lie.Copy !req
303. So you need to do
what you think is right.Copy !req
304. Oh, honey, your poor tummy.Copy !req
305. I'm done. Wait—Copy !req
306. He speaks for both of us.Copy !req
307. Wait a sec, why aren't you two in school?Copy !req
308. - Why are you kissing a lady?
- Yeah.Copy !req
309. - Maybe I should just walk away.
- Maybe we will, too.Copy !req
310. Let's just be normalCopy !req
311. when we see you,
Seder second night.Copy !req
312. - Why won't you marry me?
- Honey, you're still a child.Copy !req
313. How would you even support us?Copy !req
314. I don't know.
I'll do whatever I have to do.Copy !req
315. We're in this together, Pam.
I fuckin' love you.Copy !req
316. I love you, too, Jayvid Blaine.Copy !req
317. - What'd you say?
- Jayvid Blaine.Copy !req
318. - Oh, yeah.
- Jay, put it in.Copy !req
319. Okay. Damn it.Copy !req
320. - What's wrong?
- Nothing. It's just—Copy !req
321. It hasn't happened to me before.
Hold on.Copy !req
322. I'm just gonna cram it in soft,
hope it gets hard inside.Copy !req
323. - You think I'm disgusting, don't you?
- What? No, no, no!Copy !req
324. - Of course not.
- I'm huge!Copy !req
325. - No, you look beautiful.
- I'm bursting at my seams, Jay!Copy !req
326. No, you look gorgeous,
are you kidding, babe?Copy !req
327. Honestly, I think I'm just
worried about, you know,Copy !req
328. hurting the baby with my huge dick.Copy !req
329. Don't worry about the baby.
The baby's fine. I want you inside me.Copy !req
330. - Yeah, say that again.
- I said I want you inside me.Copy !req
331. - Mm, yeah!
- Oh, now you're hard.Copy !req
332. I'm hard as like, ice.Copy !req
333. - Jay, put it in.
- Oh! I'm 40!Copy !req
334. - Yeah.
- My penis is next to the baby's head.Copy !req
335. I'm rich!Copy !req
336. That was crazy.Copy !req
337. Shannon is having an affair
with a woman.Copy !req
338. Poor Greg. God, poor Jessi.Copy !req
339. Kinda puts things into perspective, huh?Copy !req
340. Remember when your hat was important?
Not that it isn't.Copy !req
341. - The jazz hat is gone.
- Yeah.Copy !req
342. - So let's just go home.
- To Montauk.Copy !req
343. - What?
- What?Copy !req
344. - You can't be serious.
- Andrew, I looked for your hat,Copy !req
345. so now we go to Montauk.
That was the deal.Copy !req
346. Uh, no, I never explicitly agreed
to go to Montauk.Copy !req
347. - Oh, my God, you're such a weasel.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
348. Yeah, you're a scared weasel
with a bad ear,Copy !req
349. dandruff, and the worst hat in America.Copy !req
350. - What is with you and the hat?
- It's embarrassing!Copy !req
351. It's embarrassing or I'm embarrassing?Copy !req
352. - Forget it, just forget it.
- No, no, I want to hear it.Copy !req
353. - What do you want to hear?
- You think you're cool and I'm a loser.Copy !req
354. - Oh, please.
- Well, I've got news for you.Copy !req
355. - You needed me.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
356. Yeah, because you were too afraid
to go to the city alone.Copy !req
357. Am I out of my mind here?
We could be at The Rock's house,Copy !req
358. who you got a boner for,
which I never bring upCopy !req
359. - because I'm such a nice guy.
- Look, why don't you go to Montauk.Copy !req
360. I have 20 bucks,
I'm gonna take a cab home.Copy !req
361. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
362. Kid, you made me drop my cocaine.
You're gonna have to pay for that.Copy !req
363. Uh, well, I don't understand
what's happening but I apologize.Copy !req
364. You gotta pay me
for the cocaine you just spilled.Copy !req
365. Please tell me you're the ghost
of Duke Ellington.Copy !req
366. Duke who? Fuck you. Gimme that.Copy !req
367. - Oh, this is a mugging.
- No, you're being scammed.Copy !req
368. Mugging is more like...Copy !req
369. Gimme all your money, fucko!Copy !req
370. Here you go, sir.Copy !req
371. Sir, you forgot your cocaines.Copy !req
372. It's cocaine, Andrew, and it's not real.Copy !req
373. - Oh, man.Copy !req
374. I'm just so relaxed around you.Copy !req
375. No, I like the smell of your farts.Copy !req
376. - They turn me on.
- Cool.Copy !req
377. Ooh, what is this, a delayed orgasm?Copy !req
378. - Oh, yeah, baby, cum.Copy !req
379. No, Jay, it's a contraction.
I'm going into labor.Copy !req
380. Wait, wait, okay, where do we go,
the hospital?Copy !req
381. A seamstress? Bed Bath & Beyond?
I don't know.Copy !req
382. - There's no time, it's coming!
- What? Already?Copy !req
383. How long is the gestation period
of a human-pillow hybrid?Copy !req
384. This is so bad.Copy !req
385. - We have no idea where we are.
- It's getting so late.Copy !req
386. Our parents are probably
freaking out right now.Copy !req
387. I would've done
so many things differently.Copy !req
388. - I would've wiped better.
- What?Copy !req
389. It's not like I didn't wipe,Copy !req
390. but I should've wet the toilet paper
and just really gotten in there.Copy !req
391. You didn't wipe well?Copy !req
392. Roland had one of those stupid
Japanese toiletsCopy !req
393. - and I didn't know how it flushed.
- Oh, my God, we really are children.Copy !req
394. That's what I've been telling you all day.
We're children.Copy !req
395. We'll figure it out, okay?Copy !req
396. - What are we gonna do?
- Why does that building have kneepads?Copy !req
397. Um, excuse me, we're looking for Steve.
He's a regular.Copy !req
398. No, no Steve here.Copy !req
399. Hey, boys, over here. Over here.Copy !req
400. For some reason everyone here
calls me pendejo.Copy !req
401. Oh, my God, Coach Steve,
you're a bartender?Copy !req
402. Oh, you flatter me. No, barback.Copy !req
403. My job is to get the egg smell
onto the water glasses.Copy !req
404. - Coach Steve, we lied to you.
- There's no field trip.Copy !req
405. - We were ditching school.
- And then we got robbed,Copy !req
406. and we have no idea how to get home.Copy !req
407. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let me get this straight.Copy !req
408. You looked me dead in the eye
and you lied to me?Copy !req
409. That's a very intimate act
between friends.Copy !req
410. - Can you help us get home?
- Please?Copy !req
411. You come to me, your mentor...Copy !req
412. - "Mentor" is a strong word.
- ... in your hour of needCopy !req
413. and you think I'm gonna turn you away?
No chance.Copy !req
414. Patrick, set my boys upCopy !req
415. with some of your Jamaican Me Crazy
jerk chicken wings on the house.Copy !req
416. Pendejo, man, you do not work here.Copy !req
417. One more time and I'm calling the cops.Copy !req
418. Oh, he'll do it. We should go.Copy !req
419. And stop rubbing those damn eggs
on the glasses.Copy !req
420. All right, Pat. I'll see you tomorrow.Copy !req
421. - I'll bring my own eggs.
- The hell you will.Copy !req
422. Oh, God!Copy !req
423. Just breathe, babe, just breathe.
You're doing great.Copy !req
424. - I can't do this!
- Yes, you can. I'm right here.Copy !req
425. We're doing it together.Copy !req
426. - You and me?
- You and me, always you and me, Pam.Copy !req
427. - It's coming, I can see the tag.Copy !req
428. Oh, my God.Copy !req
429. Oh, my God, he's beautiful.Copy !req
430. He looks just like you.Copy !req
431. Does he? He kinda looks like my brother.Copy !req
432. No, he doesn't look like Curt.Copy !req
433. Why would you say Curt?Copy !req
434. - Just...
- You lying bitch.Copy !req
435. - You fucked my brother?
- I thought we had an open relationship.Copy !req
436. What would give you that impression?Copy !req
437. We have an open relationship.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
438. You can fuck anybody you want,
even my brothers.Copy !req
439. Okay, yeah, I might have sent
some mixed signals.Copy !req
440. Oh, Jay, Curt meant nothing to me.Copy !req
441. With him it was just sex.Copy !req
442. But with you, it's magic.Copy !req
443. You say such good stuff
out of your mouth.Copy !req
444. I fucking love you so much.Copy !req
445. I don't care if it's not my baby,
I'm gonna raise him.Copy !req
446. Oh, my God, you're amazing.Copy !req
447. You're just so generous, and you have
the best body in your grade.Copy !req
448. - Come here. Yeah.
- Really?Copy !req
449. - In front of Scorpion?
- Is that his name?Copy !req
450. - I love it.
- Fuck yeah, it's his name and I love you.Copy !req
451. I love you. Mm.Copy !req
452. - Baby, baby... Be gentle.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
453. - I'm so sore. But I want it so bad.Copy !req
454. I'm 41! Today's my birthday!Copy !req
455. Holy stromboli, you guys
had an adventure today, huh?Copy !req
456. It reminds me of that classic
The Doors song "Riders on the Storm".Copy !req
457. - You mind if I play it?
- Oh, yeah, sure, go ahead, Coach Steve.Copy !req
458. - Oh. Oh, okay.
- What a day.Copy !req
459. - God.
- I know.Copy !req
460. Nice to be sitting in a car—Copy !req
461. - But we got through it, right?
- Well, we got out of it.Copy !req
462. - Yeah.
- I'm sorry that I found you embarrassing.Copy !req
463. I'm embarrassed by me all the time.Copy !req
464. Ray Manzarek
with the haunting keys, huh?Copy !req
465. And Andrew, those city kids,
they're not cooler than you.Copy !req
466. I know, I thought that was
the thing to say, you know?Copy !req
467. Hey, I've been thinking,
and maybe we should tell JessiCopy !req
468. - about her mom.
- I know.Copy !req
469. It's gonna suck.Copy !req
470. Hey, it stopped raining.Copy !req
471. I'm very disappointed
in you, Nicholas.Copy !req
472. But even more disappointed in myself,
and there's gonna be consequences.Copy !req
473. I'm taking away my credit card
and giving it to you. Here you go.Copy !req
474. In case you ever get lost
in the city again.Copy !req
475. - And you wanted to be the bad cop.
- Yeah, that was my bad cop.Copy !req
476. Honey, your punishment
is six weeks, no Netflix.Copy !req
477. Six weeks?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
478. You're gonna take away
Netflix, Mom?Copy !req
479. This is so unfair!
What am I gonna do without Netflix?Copy !req
480. What were you thinking?Copy !req
481. You could have been lured
into an electronics storeCopy !req
482. by a pushy Israeli and forced
to buy a camera you don't want.Copy !req
483. Worst of all, why would you go
to Patrick Ewing's Brewing Company?Copy !req
484. That bum! All he did was take
fadeaway jumpers and sweat profusely.Copy !req
485. You should've gone
to Kiki Vandeweghe's Tiki Hideaway.Copy !req
486. - That's a restaurant!Copy !req
487. Babe, I'm finished washing my dick
if you're still psyched to blow me.Copy !req
488. Babe?Copy !req
489. Babe?Copy !req
490. My darling Jay,
by the time you read this I'll be gone.Copy !req
491. - What?
- And I've taken Scorpion with me.Copy !req
492. You shouldn't have to raise a child
that isn't yours.Copy !req
493. Fucking bitch.Copy !req
494. And I bet you're calling me
a fucking bitch right now.Copy !req
495. That's so you, telling it like it is.Copy !req
496. I'll miss that.Copy !req
497. But most of all
I'll miss your great dick,Copy !req
498. your ripped abs, all of it.Copy !req
499. You're the whole package.
Plus you're rich?Copy !req
500. What am I doing? You're a king.Copy !req
501. No, no, I must go.Copy !req
502. Goodbye, Jay. I love you.Copy !req
503. Oh, God, what am I gonna do?Copy !req
504. - Ooh. Hello there.
- Put a rubber on, junior.Copy !req
505. - I got athlete's foot all over me.
- Oh, I don't care one bit.Copy !req
506. Ooh! You're already wet.Copy !req
507. - Hey, guys.
- All right, here she comes.Copy !req
508. - We're telling her.
- That her mom is cheating on her dad...Copy !req
509. - With a lesbian woman. Right.
- ... who is not her father.Copy !req
510. So how was your big adventure
in New York City?Copy !req
511. Anything crazy happen?Copy !req
512. Oh, um...
Do you want to tell her, Andrew, or...?Copy !req
513. No, I think you're better at opening
your mouth and saying things.Copy !req
514. - Why don't you do the telling?
- Okay.Copy !req
515. Well...
Jessi...Copy !req
516. - What?
- Um...Copy !req
517. - Jessi...
- Guys, what is it?Copy !req
518. - Well...
- We saw—Copy !req
519. There is someone out there
cross-breeding dolphins with poodles.Copy !req
520. - I'm not following.
- A dolphoodle!Copy !req
521. - Its name is Kevin.
- And he eats fingers...Copy !req
522. - He thinks they're baby corn. Yes.
- They're baby corn.Copy !req
523. Eww. People are sick.
I'm glad I didn't go with you.Copy !req
524. Yeah, me too,Copy !req
525. 'cause we saw some things
you wouldn't have wanted to see.Copy !req
526. All right, well, hasta la vista.Copy !req
527. I blacked out. Did we tell her?Copy !req
528. - Jesus, Andrew, we blew it.
- I'm sorry, I couldn't do it.Copy !req
529. - What couldn't you do?
- Oh, nothing.Copy !req
530. - What's your problem?
- Whoo!Copy !req
531. My dick is on fire.Copy !req
532. - Wanna know why?
- No, I do not.Copy !req
533. - I'm fucking my bath mat.
- What?Copy !req