1. As puberty begins,
hormones are releasedCopy !req
2. and the sexual organs begin to change.Copy !req
3. The uterus is the center
of female reproductive activity...Copy !req
4. The uterus?
I thought girls had vaginas.Copy !req
5. I thought that, too,
but I guess they don't.Copy !req
6. Maybe vagina is, like, slang.Copy !req
7. Did someone say "vagina"?Copy !req
8. - Oh, no, no, no. Not now.
- Fuck, yeah, now!Copy !req
9. Go away. You are not real.Copy !req
10. You're just some hormone monster
my brain created.Copy !req
11. If I'm not real, then how come
I'm sending bloodCopy !req
12. to your sweet penis right now?Copy !req
13. Come on.
The ovaries release the egg,Copy !req
14. then travel down the Fallopian tube.Copy !req
15. "Fallopian." What a savory word.Copy !req
16. Describes exactly what it is,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
17. Okay, I should tell you, this is school
and we need boundaries.Copy !req
18. If you want me to go away,
you know what you have to do.Copy !req
19. Jerk off—
- Jerk off, yeah, yeah, yeah! Exactly.Copy !req
20. Let's go to the bathroom and climax
into that thin toilet paper.Copy !req
21. How come in all these videosCopy !req
22. puberty for boys is like
the miracle of ejaculationCopy !req
23. and for girls we're just
a yarn ball of aching tubes?Copy !req
24. - Ew, that's gross.
- Yeah, exactly.Copy !req
25. And that's why we need equal pay.Copy !req
26. My dad says when you take
into account maternity leave,Copy !req
27. - you do get equal pay.
- Your dad's a scumbag DUI attorney.Copy !req
28. Yeah, and he makes bank.Copy !req
29. Too bad he can't afford tweezers
for that unibrow.Copy !req
30. Shut up, Matthew!
- Come on, come on, come on!Copy !req
31. Wheels up in 30 seconds.Copy !req
32. Ms. Kazan, can I please go
to the bathroom, please?Copy !req
33. If you don't get out of here right now,Copy !req
34. we're gonna "Jackson Pollack"
all over your pants.Copy !req
35. - Who?
- He's a famous abstract expressionist.Copy !req
36. - Oh, my God...
- I'll take notes for you, Andrew.Copy !req
37. - Thanks, Missy.
- Let's go, let's go.Copy !req
38. - I'm coming, I'm coming.
- Not yet.Copy !req
39. That's why we gotta get
to the bathroom, sweetheart.Copy !req
40. Am I a lucky guy or what?Copy !req
41. I've got this beautiful family,
a gorgeous home,Copy !req
42. the sounds of Duke Ellington—
a great African-American American.Copy !req
43. Andrew, did you know that Duke Ellington
died in this house?Copy !req
44. I did, Dr. Birch.
This house has rhythm.Copy !req
45. That's right. What can I say?
I love cocktail facts,Copy !req
46. - and I also love this woman.Copy !req
47. Not only did she prepare
a fantastic mealCopy !req
48. and birthed three beautiful children—Copy !req
49. - no drugs.
- Oh, please. Nick slipped right out of me.Copy !req
50. - Mom, Andrew's here.
- He's family.Copy !req
51. Anyway, he shouldn't be afraid
of a vagina.Copy !req
52. - Okay, can we be excused?
- Once you pay the "snuggle tax."Copy !req
53. - Come here.
- Come here.Copy !req
54. - Mom!Copy !req
55. - Oh, I could eat you alive.
- Can you not do this in front of Andrew?Copy !req
56. - You smell like fresh-buttered baby.
- Give me a whiff.Copy !req
57. - Mom, loosen your grip.
- I want to put you back up inside.Copy !req
58. Okay, we're going up now. Goodbye.Copy !req
59. Love you, Nicholas. Love you.
And you, too, Andrew.Copy !req
60. Ooh! Ow! Sorry.Copy !req
61. What a fantastic best friend.
The kid's dynamite.Copy !req
62. From the corner! Swish-hh!Copy !req
63. Hey, so this, like, dance on Friday,Copy !req
64. - I think I'm not gonna go.
- Oh, please. Yes, you are.Copy !req
65. I'm not gonna ask a girl.
I don't need that kind of rejection.Copy !req
66. We're gonna go as a group—
me, you, Jessi and Jay.Copy !req
67. But Jay's been bragging that
he's gonna get fingered at the dance.Copy !req
68. - What?
- He's gonna get fingered.Copy !req
69. Okay, first of all,
I think he's got that wrong.Copy !req
70. Either that or you have
grossly misquoted him.Copy !req
71. And Jay hasn't even kissed a girl,
I guarantee it.Copy !req
72. None of us have.
Not, you know, with tongue anyway.Copy !req
73. Of course, 'cause when you do kiss a girl,
to make it official...Copy !req
74. - There's gotta be tongue.
- Major tongue.Copy !req
75. - You want to flick your tongue around.
- Ideally.Copy !req
76. And you really want to get
your tongue underneath hers, too.Copy !req
77. Yeah, you want to get in there
like a Claritin to just dissolve.Copy !req
78. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
79. - We know what we're talking about.
- It's nice to talk like men.Copy !req
80. Yeah.Copy !req
81. Ow! It stings.Copy !req
82. But it's worth it.Copy !req
83. - What are you doing?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
84. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
85. - Don't look.
- Of course. I'm not looking at all.Copy !req
86. - No! Sorry.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
87. - Sorry for what?
- I don't know.Copy !req
88. I don't know either.Copy !req
89. You know, I actually didn't
even see anything.Copy !req
90. I don't even know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
91. Okay. Well, good night.Copy !req
92. Knock knock. Who's there?
It's the Hormone Monster.Copy !req
93. No, no, no, you gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
94. - Nick is right there, sir.
- And?Copy !req
95. And I'm a good person. I wouldn't do that
laying next to a friend.Copy !req
96. - Then why am I here?
- Oh, my God, you're always right.Copy !req
97. - What the hell is wrong with me?
- Nothing.Copy !req
98. You're a perfectly normal
gross little dirtbag.Copy !req
99. Now stare at that cat clock
and massage your dinger.Copy !req
100. No. Nick's grandmother
gave him that clock.Copy !req
101. - She knew what she was doing.
- Yeah, she did.Copy !req
102. - Okay.
- Oh...Copy !req
103. What a little clock-tease.Copy !req
104. Her eyes are darting back and forth,Copy !req
105. thinking, "Meow-meow,
who's got the cream?"Copy !req
106. - Me. I've got the cream.
- Yeah.Copy !req
107. - Oh, my God.
- It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
108. Just picture your dad's associate Susan.Copy !req
109. Oh, Susan.
Mmm...Copy !req
110. Susan actually came to the summer outing,Copy !req
111. and she said that I was really sprouting
into a fine young man.Copy !req
112. That's right. Look at her sinewy arms.Copy !req
113. - Susan, show me your top naked.
- Yeah.Copy !req
114. - Oh, God.
- And she's got Fallopian tubes.Copy !req
115. Oh, God, okay.Copy !req
116. So, Susan, um, what's it likeCopy !req
117. to be in human resources?Copy !req
118. Uh...!Copy !req
119. I'm done.Copy !req
120. Good night, you prince of Westchester,
you king of the tri-state area.Copy !req
121. - Wait. What do we do about the mess?
- Sleep in it, pig. Mwah.Copy !req
122. So we're not going to Jay's
to play basketball?Copy !req
123. No. Um...Copy !req
124. it turns out that I have
family stuff this weekend.Copy !req
125. Oh. Well... this is me.Copy !req
126. - I'll see you at school on Monday?
- Yeah.Copy !req
127. Totally. Uh...
have a nice rest of your weekend.Copy !req
128. - Thank you.
- Um, you're welcome.Copy !req
129. - I'll get out on the curb side now.
- Yeah, great.Copy !req
130. - Traffic side.
- Yeah, that's smart.Copy !req
131. Bye, Mrs. Birch.Copy !req
132. What's going on? I thought Andrew
was staying over all weekend.Copy !req
133. I just— it's nothing.Copy !req
134. - Nick?
- Nicholas, we're your parents.Copy !req
135. You can tell us anything.Copy !req
136. Okay.Copy !req
137. Last night, when he was changing...Copy !req
138. I saw Andrew's penis.Copy !req
139. And now you're worried
you're a homosexual?Copy !req
140. Nicky, a man can touch another penis
or even kiss one, very lightly,Copy !req
141. and it still doesn't necessarily mean
he's a homosexual.Copy !req
142. When I was an undergraduate—
your mother knows this story—Copy !req
143. Dad, I'm not worried I'm gay.Copy !req
144. - Honey, it's fine if you are.
- It's better.Copy !req
145. And by the way, you could do
a lot worse than Andrew Glouberman.Copy !req
146. It's not that, it's Andrew's...Copy !req
147. Andrew's was... was different,Copy !req
148. like bigger and hairier.Copy !req
149. Sweetheart, Andrew's started
to become a man.Copy !req
150. That's right.Copy !req
151. He's developed secondary
sex characteristics.Copy !req
152. - He has.
- Thicker eyebrows...Copy !req
153. - Mm-hmm.
- engorged nipples.Copy !req
154. - Engorged nipples.
- Mom!Copy !req
155. His penis is changing,
from a boy penis to a man's penis.Copy !req
156. - Mom!
- And you may, like me,Copy !req
157. never have a very big penis.Copy !req
158. But if you understand a woman's body,Copy !req
159. and more importantly her emotions,
it doesn't matter.Copy !req
160. It's true, Nicky. Before I met your fatherCopy !req
161. I was with some men
who were very well-endowed,Copy !req
162. - and honestly, it was too much for me—
- Okay.Copy !req
163. - Your father's penis is my glass slipper.
- And you're my Cinderella.Copy !req
164. - Guys, please, stop!
- Gimme a break.Copy !req
165. I'm sure Andrew and his parents
have had very similar conversations.Copy !req
166. Eh...
I don't know about that.Copy !req
167. And then, you kinda jhoosh it down.Copy !req
168. Barbara, what are you doing
with my last good banana?Copy !req
169. Dr. Oz says they need to learn.Copy !req
170. Oh, he doesn't need to know anything.Copy !req
171. - Actually—
- Please, the next timeCopy !req
172. you think you need to know something,
Andrew, shut your face!Copy !req
173. Now give me the banana.Copy !req
174. Jesus, it tastes like condom.Copy !req
175. Thanks a lot, Mr. Sex Maniac.Copy !req
176. - Hey.
- How's it going?Copy !req
177. - Uh, good.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
178. All right, look alive, you little maniacs.Copy !req
179. I bet you're all, like, completely
distracted by the big dance,Copy !req
180. which I happen to be chaperoning.Copy !req
181. You know, not a big deal.Copy !req
182. I mean, they could have asked anyone,
but, you know, I volunteered.Copy !req
183. Let's just stop talking about the danceCopy !req
184. and just focus on the fundamentals
of basketball.Copy !req
185. Oh, man,
I hope they play music we like.Copy !req
186. Bruh, I can't believe the dance
is the same night as the Knicks game.Copy !req
187. Yeah, it sucks.
Porzingis is awesome, though, right?Copy !req
188. Oh, yeah. For a seven-footer,
he's got an amazing shot.Copy !req
189. Either way they gotta start
playing defense.Copy !req
190. Oh, yeah, they gotta defend
better in the paint.Copy !req
191. - What?
- I said,Copy !req
192. they gotta defend better in the paint.Copy !req
193. Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind.Copy !req
194. What the hell, man?Copy !req
195. All right, knock it off, you two.
Jeez, Louise.Copy !req
196. Who wants to watch me grab rim?Copy !req
197. Ooh!Copy !req
198. I knocked the wind outta my balls.Copy !req
199. Hope I'm okay for the dance.Copy !req
200. Why would Nick push me?
Why is he being so weird?Copy !req
201. Who cares? Nick's a baby.Copy !req
202. Let's watch the sex scene
from Dallas Buyers Club.Copy !req
203. Oh, my God, do you think
Nick saw me jerking off?Copy !req
204. I told you I shouldn't do it in his room.Copy !req
205. Or, here's an idea— maybe he's jealous
of what a fucking man you are.Copy !req
206. You should kick his ass.Copy !req
207. Do that curbing thing where you stick
his teeth on the edge of a curbCopy !req
208. and stomp on the back of his head,
what's that called?Copy !req
209. - "Curbing"?
- Yeah, that makes sense.Copy !req
210. You should curb Nick.Copy !req
211. Now let's watch McConaughey
bang two meth heads at a rodeo,Copy !req
212. and try not to think about AIDS.Copy !req
213. - Andrew...
- Yeah?Copy !req
214. I'm thinking about AIDS.Copy !req
215. Duke? Duke Ellington?Copy !req
216. Ghost of Duke Ellington,
are you up here?Copy !req
217. Hey, hey, Nick!Copy !req
218. You up here for some advice?Copy !req
219. You know, sometimes, it feels like
you're the only one I can turn to.Copy !req
220. I get it, the living don't always
have all the answers.Copy !req
221. - Yeah.
- Lucky for you,Copy !req
222. I'm trapped between two realms.Copy !req
223. - So, what's the problem?
- Duke, I saw Andrew's penis,Copy !req
224. and it was, like, way bigger
and hairier than mine.Copy !req
225. Happened to me once, too.Copy !req
226. The Cotton Club, 1938.Copy !req
227. I saw Charlie Parker's penis
in a bathroom,Copy !req
228. and, good Lord, I felt inferior.Copy !req
229. I mean, there's a reason
they called him "The Bird."Copy !req
230. What's the reason?Copy !req
231. Because his pubic hair
looked like feathers.Copy !req
232. - So what'd you do?
- I went outCopy !req
233. and made sweet love to Eva Gabor.Copy !req
234. - No shit?Copy !req
235. That's right, I balled a white woman
back when it really meant something.Copy !req
236. So you're saying—Copy !req
237. I'm saying, having a pretty girl
on your armCopy !req
238. can make you feel a thousand feet tall.Copy !req
239. So I should find the prettiest girl
in school and ask her out?Copy !req
240. Bingo-bango! "Furry triangle,"
if you know what I'm saying.Copy !req
241. I think I do. Thanks, Duke.Copy !req
242. Happy to help, little big guy.Copy !req
243. - Shall I play you out?
- Yeah, that'd be nice.Copy !req
244. Oh, hey, guys,
I just wanted to remind you,Copy !req
245. the theme of the dance is
"A Night in Ancient Mesopotamia."Copy !req
246. We're gonna put the "social"
back in social studies.Copy !req
247. Missy, do you mind?
I'm doing a magic trick.Copy !req
248. I love magic! It's like juggling,
but it's definitely more confrontational,Copy !req
249. that's for sure.Copy !req
250. Yeah, it's like one person
playing cards at you.Copy !req
251. Okay, guys, shut up.Copy !req
252. Okay, anyway, I think
I have something in my mouth.Copy !req
253. Is this your card?Copy !req
254. Wow, Jay! I could barely tellCopy !req
255. that you had the card palmed in your hand
when you reached into your mouth.Copy !req
256. - Damn it, Missy!
- If it's any consolation,Copy !req
257. I literally never gave a shit about this
from the beginning, so—Copy !req
258. You guys are the fucking worst!Copy !req
259. It doesn't get any cooler
when you get, like, really angry.Copy !req
260. Here we go, Nick.Copy !req
261. Whoa. What the hell is he doing?Copy !req
262. Hello! Nick's going to talk
to the eighth graders.Copy !req
263. My God, he's got
that Brian Grazer bravery.Copy !req
264. - He's a petite, but he'll talk to anyone.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
265. Those girls are gonna eat him alive,Copy !req
266. and then barf him out
because they're bulimic.Copy !req
267. You're fucking funny. She's funny!Copy !req
268. We're friends now.Copy !req
269. Don't mess this up, don't mess this up.Copy !req
270. Play it cool. You've got the chops.Copy !req
271. travel down the Fallopian tube...Copy !req
272. - I want to put you back up inside.
- Kiss the penis lightly.Copy !req
273. - I knocked the wind out of my balls.
- Ugh!Copy !req
274. Hey, Olivia, this is like a stupid idea,Copy !req
275. but do you wanna, like,
go to the dance with me?Copy !req
276. Dance? Cute. Yeah.Copy !req
277. Oh. Okay, great.Copy !req
278. Great. Cute, yeah.Copy !req
279. Yeah, cute. Great.Copy !req
280. - It's a palindrome.
- Yeah.Copy !req
281. Okay, bye.Copy !req
282. Huh.Copy !req
283. I kinda thought we were going
to the dance as a group.Copy !req
284. That weasel bailed on you.
He's such a slippery little shit.Copy !req
285. - Hey, guys.
- Tell him.Copy !req
286. What the hell?
You asked Olivia to the dance?Copy !req
287. Yeah. What's the big deal?Copy !req
288. You said you were going with us.Copy !req
289. Yeah, but I mean, it's not like
we had definitive plans.Copy !req
290. Rage, rage, fucking rage!
That's bullshit!Copy !req
291. - That's bullshit.
- Andrew, dial it down.Copy !req
292. - Everybody can see your feelings.
- Yeah, you're acting kinda weird.Copy !req
293. I'm not acting weird,
you're acting weird.Copy !req
294. Dude, I'm allowed to go to the dance
with whoever I want.Copy !req
295. It's not like you're my girlfriend
or something.Copy !req
296. All right, that's it!
Let's find a curbCopy !req
297. and smash that pretty little smile
off his face!Copy !req
298. Fuck you.Copy !req
299. Fight, fight! Worldstar!Copy !req
300. Fight!Copy !req
301. Exclusive—
"Laurel and Farty" are about to fight.Copy !req
302. Just... fuck you, man.Copy !req
303. I got a card stuck in my windpipe.Copy !req
304. - Ugh!Copy !req
305. - Was that your card?
- Nope.Copy !req
306. Oh, come on!Copy !req
307. Andrew hasn't been over
since the night of the penis,Copy !req
308. and I think Nicky misses him.Copy !req
309. Poor kid. You know,
when I was Nicky's ageCopy !req
310. I had a bald little cashew,Copy !req
311. and my friend Don Kinney,
he had this great big sausageCopy !req
312. nestled in a thick robin's nest
of pubic hair.Copy !req
313. It was something to behold.Copy !req
314. Is Don the one who only got house arrest
for insider trading?Copy !req
315. Yeah. The system is so broken.Copy !req
316. Oh, Elliot, I love it when you talk
about broken institutions.Copy !req
317. You like that?Copy !req
318. - Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
319. Wow, 12 hours and one minute.Copy !req
320. Whew! That was astounding.Copy !req
321. Anyway, I think this is somethingCopy !req
322. the boys need to figure out
for themselves.Copy !req
323. Nick the Trick.Copy !req
324. - Hey, Duke.
- What's wrong, kid?Copy !req
325. You nervous about your big date?Copy !req
326. I'm honestly more nervous
about seeing Andrew.Copy !req
327. - He said, "Fuck you" to me yesterday.
- Ah!Copy !req
328. I regret one fight I had
with my saxophonist, Studs Dupree.Copy !req
329. - It got pretty ugly.
- What happened? Did you guys make up?Copy !req
330. Well, I was waiting for him to apologize,
and then he died of a heroin overdose.Copy !req
331. Wow. That must have been really tough.Copy !req
332. Yeah. I never did get that apology.Copy !req
333. - Oh, hi, Missy.
- Hey, Andrew.Copy !req
334. Oh, actually, just for tonight
could you refer to me as "Nanshe"?Copy !req
335. The goddess of social justice...Copy !req
336. - and also fishing.
- That's great.Copy !req
337. So should I pay for my ticket
in ancient Sumerian silver?Copy !req
338. I get it. Mesopotamian silver minesCopy !req
339. weren't actually operational
until the mid-Bronze Age.Copy !req
340. That's a great one.
Where's Nick?Copy !req
341. I wouldn't know.
We decided to come alone.Copy !req
342. You know, I find that being alone
is actually a great giftCopy !req
343. because it prepares you
for what real life is, um, is like.Copy !req
344. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
345. So, what's the deal after this thing?
You guys wanna go get drinks?Copy !req
346. I don't know, go to Panera,
split a bread bowl?Copy !req
347. Yeah, no, thanks.Copy !req
348. We'll probably just go home
and grade papers.Copy !req
349. Teachers at this school,
you know, they never wanna hang out.Copy !req
350. - They're always "so busy."
- They're a gaggle of rancid cunts.Copy !req
351. Yeah! I mean, that's, you know... pff-fft!
That's a little harsh,Copy !req
352. but I think
we're basically on the same page.Copy !req
353. Hey, ladies, you havin' fun?Copy !req
354. - I think tonight's gonna be pretty... hot!Copy !req
355. Oh, my God, what the hell?Copy !req
356. Yeah, we're wearing a ton
of hairspray, you psycho!Copy !req
357. I am not a psycho!Copy !req
358. - Well played, Jay.
- Look, your butt buddy's here.Copy !req
359. - Oh.Copy !req
360. We're not actually
butt buddies anymore.Copy !req
361. So, like, you've got an opening?
I'd love to throw my butt in the ring.Copy !req
362. - I don't like going to your house.
- Oh, no, I promise,Copy !req
363. my brothers aren't gonna make you
poop in a litter box again.Copy !req
364. - Good evening, Nicholas.Copy !req
365. - Good evening, Jessica.
- You psyched for your "big date"?Copy !req
366. Yeah, well, Olivia's pretty much
the hottest girl in school,Copy !req
367. - so... mm, I'm pretty psyched.
- Yeah, you should be psyched.Copy !req
368. Just be prepared for some
super-intellectual conversation.Copy !req
369. - Why do you keep looking over at Andrew?
- I'm not looking at Andrew,Copy !req
370. - I'm excited for my date with Olivia.
- Of course, yeah.Copy !req
371. She's a beautiful complex woman whose
eyes go dead when she applies lip gloss.Copy !req
372. - Well, Jessi, this has been so much fun.
- Yeah.Copy !req
373. But it looks like my super hot
eighth-grade date has arrived.Copy !req
374. Yeah, I can see her.Copy !req
375. Holy shit, Olivia's hot.Copy !req
376. I'm gonna pump my pillow
full of Jay jizz later thinking about it.Copy !req
377. Oh, hey, Olivia. You want to get
a drink or something?Copy !req
378. I think they have La Croix.
It's only the coconut kind,Copy !req
379. which is a little gross,
but it's still kinda—Copy !req
380. No, sorry. Dylan.Copy !req
381. Oh— who? I thought we were going
to this dance, like, together.Copy !req
382. No, no, no.Copy !req
383. Sorry, bro, she wants a real man.Copy !req
384. Ninth grade, top of the food chain.Copy !req
385. Um, actually, sweets and fats
are at the top of the food chain.Copy !req
386. Oh, poor Nick. He's confusing
the food pyramid with the food chain.Copy !req
387. Oh, hi, Andrew. Would you perchance
like to celebrate the autumnal equinoxCopy !req
388. with a, um... with a...
with a dance with me?Copy !req
389. - Oh, I would, Missy, but—
- Hey, are you out of your goddamn mind?Copy !req
390. - This is a real girl.
- She's not a girl, she's Missy.Copy !req
391. Oh, she's a girl, and she wants
to dance with you.Copy !req
392. - But Nick looks really upset—
- Fucking forget about that little PikachuCopy !req
393. and dance with a girl!Copy !req
394. - Um, sure, Missy.
- Oh, great.Copy !req
395. We can just— so we can start now,
'cause I know how to do it.Copy !req
396. I've practiced with my dad.Copy !req
397. - Hey, Mr. DJ, you take requests?
- No, I do not.Copy !req
398. - What about "Lady in Red"?
- If I play it, will you leave?Copy !req
399. Yeah, sure, unless, I don't know,
you want me to stick around.Copy !req
400. - Nah.
- Are you streaming that?Copy !req
401. What is that, Wi-Fi?
They gave you the Wi-Fi password.Copy !req
402. Heh. Okay.Copy !req
403. - Hi.
- Jessi, please,Copy !req
404. I don't want to hear "I told you so."Copy !req
405. I know, but I want to say it so bad.Copy !req
406. Can I just say it one time
and you cover your ears?Copy !req
407. I told you so!Copy !req
408. - Well, I'm glad you feel better.
- I do, a little.Copy !req
409. - But I feel like I can feel even better...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
410. - ... if you heard it.Copy !req
411. I've never danced with a boy before.
What am I supposed to say?Copy !req
412. I don't know. That was great.Copy !req
413. You're doing great.
I think we're both doing great.Copy !req
414. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're both doing great.Copy !req
415. Now let's get a little friction going.Copy !req
416. uh!Copy !req
417. I got a great memory.Copy !req
418. Yeah.Copy !req
419. I don't know, I guess I thought
Olivia liked me.Copy !req
420. Really? Olivia only likes jeggings.Copy !req
421. I get it, Jessi, I'm an idiot.Copy !req
422. No! She's the idiot. You're...Copy !req
423. you're cute, even though you're tiny.Copy !req
424. You're like a troll doll
who's figured out his hair.Copy !req
425. - Thank you...?
- You're welcome...?Copy !req
426. What do I do?
What do I do? What do I do?Copy !req
427. Stick your tongue
underneath her tongue...Copy !req
428. Pay the snuggle tax.Copy !req
429. Can I just get a hint
for the Wi-Fi password?Copy !req
430. Uh! Tongue.Copy !req
431. Oh, yeah, yes, that's it.Copy !req
432. Don't be afraid to lead with your groin,
the world's slowest hula hoop.Copy !req
433. Oh-hh! This is working.Copy !req
434. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it easy.Copy !req
435. We're 70 yards
from the bathroom, brother.Copy !req
436. You need to slow it down.Copy !req
437. No, can't slow it down,
can't slow it down.Copy !req
438. Fuck it.
If you're okay with it, I'm okay with it.Copy !req
439. I'm okay with it.Copy !req
440. - Whoa, what's wrong?
- Uh...Copy !req
441. - I have to go, Missy.
- But the dance isn't— oh, darn it.Copy !req
442. You have a really big mouth.Copy !req
443. Thank you, I think?Copy !req
444. The flicking was an interesting choice.Copy !req
445. Yeah. Tongues feel weird.Copy !req
446. Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.Copy !req
447. Oh, my God!Copy !req
448. Oh, no! That's the most
I've ever made.Copy !req
449. Oh, shit, my phone.Copy !req
450. - Wait, what the—Copy !req
451. - Oh, my God, isn't this exciting?
- There's no time for excitement.Copy !req
452. We gotta find the egg.
Where are we, Fallopian tube, uterus?Copy !req
453. We're in a pussy right now, right?Copy !req
454. Uh... you guys are gonna be
really disappointed.Copy !req
455. - Are we in another sock?
- No, no, no.Copy !req
456. - A toilet.
- What is wrong with you, Andrew?Copy !req
457. - You're completely out of control.
- I didn't mean to!Copy !req
458. This girl asked me to slow dance,
and I got all tingly and lightheaded.Copy !req
459. Hey, jizz pants,
there's your stupid phone.Copy !req
460. - Oh, thank God.
- There is no God.Copy !req
461. Come on,
let's swim to that giant brown rock.Copy !req
462. Not to sound gay, but I miss the balls.Copy !req
463. Ahem. Yeah, I guess I should probably
go check on Andrew.Copy !req
464. Yeah, no, I think that's like a good idea.Copy !req
465. Yeah, but thank you for the...Copy !req
466. - Sure, no problem.
- Ahem.Copy !req
467. - Good night, milady.
- Good evening, good sir.Copy !req
468. Oh, boy.Copy !req
469. - What happened to you?Copy !req
470. I came in my pants.Copy !req
471. And that made you soaking wet?Copy !req
472. - Why are you being so mean to me?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
473. You've been mean to me all week.
What did I do?Copy !req
474. You didn't do anything! I—Copy !req
475. I saw your...Copy !req
476. - and it was big and hairy.
- Yeah, so?Copy !req
477. And mine isn't, and I don't know
if it ever will be.Copy !req
478. Well, count your blessings.
Mine's not so great either.Copy !req
479. Mine just made me jizz
in my nice pants.Copy !req
480. It's embarrassing.Copy !req
481. Everything's embarrassing.Copy !req
482. Everything is so embarrassing.Copy !req
483. - My pants are in the toilet.
- Oh, man.Copy !req
484. Andrew, why didn't you wash them
in the sink?Copy !req
485. That is a great question, Nick.Copy !req
486. It's because I panicked.
What am I gonna do?Copy !req
487. Nick and Andrew, you're friends again.
Nick's pants are gone.Copy !req
488. The teachers look poor.
What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
489. Well, Matthew, it's been a great night
in ancient Mesopotamia—Copy !req
490. Boring! Nick, we heard
you kissed Jessi in the hallway.Copy !req
491. Uh, Jessi and I would appreciate
that you respect our privacy at this time.Copy !req
492. Sounds like he fingered her.Copy !req
493. Join us tomorrow when we find out
Coach SteveCopy !req
494. lives in a joke of an apartment
near the airport.Copy !req
495. LaGuardia, and, technically,
I live in a storage unit, so...Copy !req
496. - Hello?
- Oh, uh, good evening.Copy !req
497. - Who are you?
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
498. I'm just here to give your friend
a nocturnal emission.Copy !req
499. Are you the puberty fairy?Copy !req
500. - The fuck did you just call me?
- The puberty fairy?Copy !req
501. "Puberty fairy"? I'm the Hormone Monster.Copy !req
502. I'm not a fairy.Copy !req
503. I mean, sure, I fuck around with dudes
but I'm not a fairy.Copy !req