Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis 1x7

Directed by

Conan O'Brien as Self • Andy Richter as Self

Zach sits down with the host of the Tonight Show, Conan O'Brien, and his announcer, Andy Richter.

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1. - Exclusive.

2. - I didn't even know it was a church.

3. She didn't tell me—

4. - Sh, shut the fuck up.

5. Uh, welcome to another episode of Between Two Ferns.

6. I'm your host Zach Galifianakis,

7. and I'd like to welcome my guest,

8. Conan O'Brien.

9. - Zach, good to see you.

10. How are you?

11. Alright.

12. I didn't know you were here.

13. - You don't own me.

14. - Alright.

15. How are you?

16. Good to see you, Zach.

17. Hey, congratulations on the new role.

18. I understand that you're playing Papa Smurf

19. in the live action Papa Smurf movie.

20. - Steve Allen, Jack Paar,

21. Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien.

22. I was just listing my favorite Tonight Show hosts in order.

23. - Alright, well, thank you for having me on the show, Zach.

24. Great to be here.

25. I'm having a really good time

26. hosting The Tonight Show,

27. and we're having a lot of laughs.

28. We've taped about 40 shows so far,

29. two of them quite good. (laughing)

30. - I remember those.

31. - Does anyone ever tell you

32. you seem like you are the black Byron Allen?

33. - People make fun of my complexion sometimes.

34. I'm pretty pale.

35. I use an SPF 125

36. when I go to the beach.

37. It actually shoots light

38. back up at the sun. (laughing)

39. Um.

40. - That's the sound of a cricket

41. riding a tumbleweed.

42. - That's helpful.

43. - When you go home at night

44. and you watch yourself, do you—

45. - Do I what?

46. - Touch it.

47. - Okay.

48. - I'm just asking

49. 'cause Andy and I go to dinner on a weekend sometimes,

50. and he tells me a few things.

51. - So you guys are pals, that's it?

52. You guys are pals, and you get together.

53. You guys get together at the Waffle House.

54. - Andy and I have the same trainer.

55. - You have the same trainer?

56. - Sit up coach.

57. - He must be some awesome trainer,

58. working out with you two guys.

59. - He actually is pretty good.

60. - What, does he also train the Michelin Man

61. in his spare time? (laughing)

62. - That's just hurtful.

63. - Did you think you were gonna be a talk show host

64. when you were 25 years old?

65. - What's funny is when I was about—

66. - I'm just getting ready.

67. - Well, initially, when I was 25,

68. I was thinking about being a male model,

69. but that didn't work out. (laughing)

70. This is not bad.

71. Come on, oh, come on.

72. This isn't bad.

73. - When you started hosting,

74. you were nervous and sweaty and under-prepared

75. and desperate.

76. - Well, yes, in 1993, I took over Late Night—

77. - No, I'm talking about The Tonight Show.

78. - Okay, I don't know.

79. I'm getting a weird,

80. are you mad at me about something?

81. I just thought we're,

82. what are you mad about?

83. - I feel like I have a shot at The Tonight Show.

84. - Pardon me?

85. Oh, that's what this is about.

86. You wanted to host The Tonight Show.

87. I'd have loved to see that Tonight Show.

88. You stumbling out there,

89. sitting on a old chair from a public school,

90. looking at a piece of paper,

91. two freaking ferns on either side of you.

92. Tonight Show with Zach Galifianakis,

93. tonight he mumbles angrily at Meryl Streep.

94. - We're out of time for Conan,

95. and we'll welcome our next guest.

96. Please welcome Andy Dick.

97. Take a seat, Conan.

98. - Ow.

99. - Thanks for being on the show, Andy.

100. - Thank you, thank you.

101. Hey, Papa Smurf called.

102. He wants his suit back.