Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis 1x17

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Justin Bieber as Self

Zach Galifianakis sits down with Justin Bieber for an interview no one will ever forget.

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1. - It's the right chair, trust me.

2. Hi, welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns.

3. My name is Zach Galifianakis.

4. My guest today is Justin Bieber.

5. Thank you Justin for being on.

6. It's really exciting to talk to you

7. especially right in the middle

8. of your public meltdown.

9. - You gonna say anything? - Yeah.

10. I just have never interviewed a seven year old before so.

11. What was the last toy you got

12. in a happy meal?

13. - I don't think I've ever ordered a happy meal.

14. - Yeah, me either, I don't like that junk.

15. - Are you sure?

16. - You know what I was doing when I was your age?

17. - Finishing fourth grade?

18. - Your young punk attitude

19. is not gonna work in this interview.

20. You understand me, son?

21. Okay.

22. When you're in a concert

23. what are you thinking on stage?

24. - Sometimes I'm really like,

25. "Damn, I wish I was watching Cops right now."

26. - You ever accidentally sing that

27. instead of your lyrics?

28. I wish I was watching Cops right now?

29. - No, usually I'm just killing it.

30. - Is it fun to be cocky?

31. When you're in the recording studio

32. do you ever think,

33. "Hey, what if I don't make something shitty?"

34. Does that ever, does that pop into your mind in the process?

35. - The fact that I am able to make music and inspire people,

36. I feel like music is a sixth sense.

37. - It's like that movie?

38. You've had three hairstyles.

39. What's next for your career?

40. - So you think that my hairstyles are

41. the only thing that's happened in my career?

42. - Who are your celebrity friends?

43. Who do you hang with?

44. - Mostly, lately,

45. Joy Behar.

46. Pretty much it.

47. - What's he like?

48. - Cool.

49. - You affectionately refer to your fans as beaners?

50. - No, beliebers.

51. - Yeah, that makes more sense.

52. You said recently that Anne Frank

53. could have been a belieber.

54. - I went to Anne Frank museum

55. and they said that she was into pop culture

56. and at the end of an over two hour visit

57. I said I hope she would have been a belieber, not.

58. - Did you mean that if the Nazis had not taken her,

59. and she lived to be in her eighties,

60. she would have liked your music?

61. Presumably due to loss of hearing

62. or because I can see how this can get lost in translation,

63. I think that you were talking about time travel

64. and that you think that if you could build a machine

65. and go back to visit Anne Frank,

66. she would have been a belieber then?

67. Is that true?

68. Because I don't know what to beliebe.

69. - I want to be a time traveler.

70. - You got caught on tape peeing into a bucket.

71. Here's the thing,

72. there hasn't been a time in the last six, seven years

73. that I haven't urinated in a bucket,

74. but I don't film it and put it on internets.

75. You know what, I don't like your attitude

76. to be quite honest.

77. - You're mad.

78. - Because, you know what,

79. you're too young to be smoking pot

80. and pee peeing in buckets

81. and driving up and down the highway fast.

82. I don't think your mom would really mind

83. if a stranger whipped her son.

84. - No spanking me, man.

85. What are you doing?

86. What are you doing?

87. - Woo!

88. - I'm sorry that I did that.

89. I don't really.

90. I don't think spanking kids is a really good thing,

91. but you're not a child.

92. That's the point.

93. You're not a child,

94. so I can hit a grown man with a belt.

95. So who are you dating now?

96. You ever seen that Nickelodeon thing

97. where the slime goes down?

98. I was in the wrong chair.