Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis 1x15

Directed by

Bradley Cooper as Self • Jessica Chastain as Self • Sally Field as Self • Emmanuel Lewis as Self • Misty Monroe as Self

Zach Galifianakis sits down with Bradley Cooper, Jessica Chastain, Sally Field and another special guest from Lincoln.

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1. - Hi, welcome to another edition

2. of Between Two Ferns, the Oscar edition.

3. This is part two.

4. I would like to welcome my first guest,

5. Jessica Cheststain.

6. - Jessica Chastain.

7. - Uh, Jessica, as an actress,

8. you were nominated for Zero Dark Thirty.

9. - That's correct.

10. - Zero Dark Thirty.

11. Is that a movie about Chris Brown?

12. - No.

13. - How hard did you fight to keep

14. all the torture in the film?

15. - Well, you know, it's really important

16. that the film is as accurate as possible, so.

17. - It's about capturing Bin Laden, Zero Dark Thirty.

18. - Yes.

19. - Documentary?

20. - No, but, you know—

21. - Who cares then?

22. If it's not the real thing.

23. - Yeah.

24. - 'Cause you're just playing somebody

25. that actually caught him.

26. - Yeah.

27. - Would've been nice to get the actual person.

28. - Well, she's undercover in the CIA,

29. so no one can know what she looks like.

30. - Well, doesn't she look like you?

31. - I can't tell you that.

32. - So she looks like an average looking redhead

33. with a weird dress on.

34. Oh, they're playing you off.

35. - It's done?

36. - Yeah, you have to leave.

37. - Okay.

38. - Hello.

39. - Hello.

40. - Hi, welcome.

41. - Thank you.

42. - This is Sally Field, everyone.

43. - Yes, it is.

44. - I had read that you had gained 25 pounds

45. for the movie.

46. - Yeah, I did.

47. - How'd you do that, eat Anne Hathaway?

48. Do you look at a penny differently

49. now that you've been in Lincoln?

50. Does that make—

51. - I just have to say something really, really honestly.

52. I hate pennies.

53. I hate them.

54. - So you're not Jewish?

55. - Not that I know of.

56. I think I'm Catholic.

57. - Well, I'd like to thank Sally Field

58. for coming to the show—

59. - Absolutely, very nice to be here.

60. - And really, really, really a pleasure.

61. - Absolutely.

62. Thank you so much.

63. Thank you.

64. - This way, we'll go right this way.

65. - We're going this way.

66. - There you go.

67. - Well, I'm very, very excited about

68. having my next guest.

69. It's a real pleasure to have him here

70. 'cause he doesn't do a lot of interviews,

71. and he's chosen to be here.

72. Please welcome Daniel Day-Lewis.

73. - Hey there, how you doing?

74. - What are you doing here?

75. Oh, Emmanuel Day Lewis, Daniel Day-Lewis.

76. Thank you for coming by.

77. Uh, welcome, Bradley Cooper.

78. - Hey, good to be here.

79. - Bradley, nice to see you again.

80. - Nice to see you, Zach.

81. - I got your text about how bummed out you were

82. about that it was the start of Black History month.

83. Are you nominated?

84. - Yeah.

85. - For what?

86. - For best actor, yeah, best actor.

87. - How's bragging camp going?

88. Well, I've written a speech—

89. - Really?

90. - Since you haven't written a speech yet,

91. I had wrote a speech.

92. - That's really thoughtful of you.

93. - Yeah, I know you're busy—

94. - That's really, thank you.

95. - Yeah, that's it.

96. - Are you serious?

97. - Yeah, go ahead and test it out.

98. - When did you write this?

99. - Like, spent a couple weeks on it.

100. - "Thank you.

101. "I've just called Daniel Day-Lewis

102. "to congratulate him on his victory.

103. "So I wish that I had been able to fulfill

104. "my dream of being a talented, respected actor,

105. "but the Academy chosen someone better.

106. "It just sucks.

107. "I'm a loser."

108. - I'm gonna punch it up.

109. You want me to?

110. In that speech, you don't win.

111. - You know, you don't make a concession speech.

112. - You should.

113. - So, I just don't understand.

114. It's like, this is the first time in my life

115. that I'm actually part of something,

116. and you know what that means to me,

117. to be a part of something.

118. That's like my Achilles heel,

119. is like, I just wanna be included—

120. - Well, why don't you join the Boy Scouts

121. or something if you wanna be a part of something?

122. - I wanna be a part of this community.

123. I found like a fellow person

124. that I fucking love.

125. I used to go see your stand up all the time and—

126. - Doesn't really play well,

127. you know what I mean?

128. This victim card that you're pulling.

129. - I'm not being a victim—

130. - Well, what are you being?

131. - Friends, that's what friends are.

132. You fight with your brother.

133. I watch you fight with your brother all the time—

134. - You don't have to bring that up

135. right now and that's the internet show.

136. - God, all you fucking care about

137. is your goddamn show, man.

138. - No, but all you care about is telling people—

139. - It's like all fucking ferns, man.

140. It's a fucking joke.

141. I can't stand it.

142. - Throw my ferns in my face.

143. - Who gives a fuck?

144. You care more about your ferns than yourself, you fucking—

145. I'm so sick of your fucking ferns, man.

146. It's fucking bullshit.

147. Bullshit.

148. I'll call you later.

149. - That was a very strange thing.