BEEF 2x4

1. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

2. I'm so sorry, Ash. I shouldn't have said anything.

3. No, I'm glad you told me. I don't want you to hold stuff back.

4. Not if you're gonna spin out about Eunice and, like, Korean espionage.

5. I don't know where that came from. I'm fine.

6. You can always tell me anything.

7. No, I know, but then you gotta let me be your anchor, okay?

8. The mind left unchecked works in mysterious ways

9. that are bad.

10. No, I... I wanna be anchored.

11. Let's just get in and out, forget this ever happened.

12. Okay, well, let's just check in.

13. The f...

14. Mm-hmm.

15. Okay.

16. No, we don't.

17. Great, you are all set. Thank you.

18. Sir, you need to have your paperwork and ID ready.

19. - Can I see those, please? - Paperwork, ID, check.

20. Here you go.

21. That's one out of two.

22. - Can I do it here? - No can do.

23. I'll still be here when you've finished.

24. Oh wow.

25. Oh wow.

26. Do... do you wanna... wanna go first?

27. Please. You first.

28. Oh.

29. Dr. Wellington, please pick up line two. Dr. Wellington...

30. Okay, we're in the system. Shouldn't be too long.

31. Thanks for taking care of me.

32. I love you so much.

33. I love you.

34. Thank God for health insurance.

35. She said you have a super high deductible.

36. Five thousand.

37. Oh wow.

38. We can deduct $5,000?

39. What if it costs less? Do they give us the difference?

40. It's kind of the opposite.

41. Huh?

42. We pay up to 5,000.

43. Then what is health insurance?

44. They cover after we hit the deductible.

45. Then why do they call it a deductible?

46. - You deduct! - I know. It's a broken system, for sure.

47. - Do you think Josh did this? - Break the healthcare system?

48. Do you think he made my deductible high on purpose?

49. - Does everyone else at work pay $5,000? - He can't target you.

50. There are laws and stuff.

51. Okay? You gotta stop, Ash. You're spinning out again.

52. You're right. Sorry.

53. I think I'm just light-headed.

54. - Do you want something to drink? - Maybe.

55. Red Gatorade, if they have it.

56. If not, blue.

57. Definitely not yellow.

58. Purple's okay.

59. Okay, got it.

60. Red, blue, yellow no, purple maybe. Red, blue, yellow no, purple maybe.

61. Damn.

62. You gotta really tap it.

63. Right. Thank you.

64. Nah. Gotta tap it longer.

65. Ah.

66. Oh! Hey!

67. Lookee there. Hope it stays working for me.

68. Yeah, for sure.

69. Ooh.

70. Thirsty fella.

71. Nah, just trying to get the red.

72. Oh, that's my favorite too!

73. We have that in common, you and I.

74. Great. Have a nice day.

75. All right. See ya.

76. Fuck!

77. Not fucking working!

78. - Did you, uh, try the chip reader? - Of course I tried the chip reader.

79. I saw you do the chip reader. Now I'm doing the chip reader.

80. How about this one?

81. I'll take the red one.

82. That's for my fiancée. How about the yellow?

83. Mm, I'd rather not.

84. Well, if I may say this, ma'am,

85. in my personal experience, the colors don't affect the quench.

86. Hmm. Yeah, I'll take the red one.

87. Fuck.

88. Here.

89. Feel better, bruh.

90. Get your electrolytes.

91. Yep. For you.

92. Here.

93. Sorry, they were all out of reds.

94. Oh, that's okay. Thank you so much.

95. Weird.

96. Eunice texted prayer hands.

97. Hmm.

98. Prayer hands...

99. And I'm only telling you this 'cause I promised I'd tell you everything.

100. Are you okay?

101. You're anchored?

102. Yep.

103. Oh!

104. Can I see your knee?

105. Oh, babe, you poor thing.

106. Ooh, where are we going?

107. Oh my God. Are we going to the airport?

108. Guys, guys, guys. It's the airport. Yes!

109. We got a 5150. Shortness of breath. Hallucinations. Extremely violent.

110. Wait, wait, wait. I'm TSA precheck.

111. This is ridiculous.

112. We should just go home. I'll be fine.

113. - We've been here four hours. - I thought your knee was hurting.

114. Oh, it is.

115. I just don't wanna make you wait.

116. I'm fine.

117. I mean, we gotta be next. Everyone before us has been seen.

118. That nurse is leaving. The blonde one sucks.

119. God, where the Filipino nurses at, man?

120. Oh my God.

121. It's Josh.

122. Yeah, I came as soon as Chairwoman Park reached out.

123. - Oh. - Sped through some reds.

124. Chairwoman Park... Babe, did you tell Eunice?

125. No, of course not.

126. Maybe one of the doctors here is a member and recognized me or something.

127. Are you okay?

128. What happened?

129. I... I'm just a big ol' klutz!

130. Okay. I'm gonna go check in with the nurses again.

131. - Thanks, babe. - Uh-huh.

132. Thank you, Austin.

133. How long have you been here?

134. Okay.

135. 5150.

136. Excuse me?

137. My fiancée.

138. Sir, I'm very busy.

139. Ma'am, I have a 5150, shortness of breath, agitation.

140. Your fiancée is currently experiencing these symptoms?

141. Yeah, it's bad. Can we get her seen as soon as possible?

142. Ashley Miller.

143. I see she was admitted with a swollen knee.

144. Mm-hmm.

145. If you're saying she's experiencing a psychotic break,

146. we need to readmit her, and you'd lose your current spot.

147. Is that what you'd like to do?

148. - How many people are ahead of us? - Sir, return to your seat.

149. Excuse me.

150. I heard you know how to use the vending machines?

151. Uh, yeah, I'm pretty good with it.

152. Okay, I could call Dr. Draizin. He'll get you seen right away.

153. Oh, I could call Dr. Wellington.

154. He's been a member of the club since I was in high school.

155. I know everyone here.

156. Um, that... that's really nice of you.

157. Yeah, you know, Chairwoman Park really likes you.

158. Clearly.

159. You're not going anywhere.

160. And she just extended me, so... I'm not going anywhere.

161. I feel like this is a good time for us to clean the slate, right?

162. Yeah. O... okay.

163. Uh, well, I... I guess whatever doctor you think would get me seen the fastest?

164. I'd go with Dr. Wellington.

165. Great.

166. - Mm-hmm. - Awesome.

167. Yeah, I just need you to, um,

168. delete those backup videos.

169. What?

170. What?

171. Come on. You're not stupid.

172. You kept backups. It's okay.

173. Just pull them up, iCloud, Dropbox, whatever.

174. Pull 'em up. Delete 'em. You get seen. Everyone's happy.

175. I swear to God I... I don't have a backup video.

176. Well, you know, you've certainly been acting like you do,

177. walking around the office like you run the place.

178. And, look, I'm not even mad about it. It's fine. It's the right move.

179. But seeing as that you need something from me right now,

180. I think we take this opportunity to clean the slate.

181. You keep saying that, but I don't know what to tell you.

182. Ashley, I'm getting really tired, okay?

183. I'm getting really tired of waking up every day under your tiny little thumb.

184. You've milked this for all it's worth.

185. There's nothing left on this teat. You understand?

186. You do realize you tried to bribe me first, right?

187. You... you intimidated me.

188. I intimidated you? I was being nice to you.

189. Do you know how startling it is to come up on someone yelling, "Claw me"?

190. I think about it every day.

191. Ashley, delete the videos or I'm gonna walk away right now.

192. Are you seriously toying with my health?

193. You're toying with your health.

194. I don't need your fucking help, you fucking boomer.

195. Enjoy the wait.

196. Where'd Josh go?

197. Fuck that piece of shit.

198. What?

199. What happened? He was being so helpful.

200. I'm telling you he is a rancid human being.

201. Fucking hate him.

202. - Ow! - Sit down, sit down, sit down.

203. - Nurse! - Oh my God.

204. Oopsies.

205. Excuse me! My fiancée is having really bad stomach pain.

206. Oh, is this the 5150?

207. No, it might be ovarian torsion.

208. You find that on WebMD or Reddit?

209. If you guys are looking for painkillers, it's not gonna work.

210. We've been here for five hours,

211. and the last person before us just got seen.

212. Miss, this is not first come, first served. We have a system.

213. And so you know,

214. that guy over there has been here for five hours and five minutes, so...

215. A Filipino. Thank God.

216. Excuse me, sir. Are you Filipino?

217. Uh, yeah.

218. Ashley, we're good.

219. Uh, I feel nauseous, and my whole body hurts.

220. And I have an ovarian cyst.

221. Ovarian... okay.

222. Okay, we have you in the queue now with these new symptoms.

223. Thank you, man. I appreciate you, brother.

224. Yeah, uh, if you could go to the blonde nurse over there,

225. she'll finish the check-in process and let you know when it's your turn.

226. - Wait, did we just lose our spot? - It's not first come, first served.

227. The nurse over there assesses priority based on your condition.

228. Where's my fiancé?

229. - Ash! I'm right here. Not going anywhere. - Sir! Please take a step back.

230. - We need to check her vitals. - Blood pressure is 140/108.

231. Let's get an EKG, CBC, and a serum pregnancy test.

232. Bed seven on the monitor and place an IV.

233. Also, it looks like she has a history of ovarian torsion.

234. Why is that cracked?

235. So let's get a pelvic ultrasound as well.

236. Yes, I have cancer, stage four.

237. I've been doing chemo.

238. I was here yesterday, but you guys sent me home.

239. Well, I wasn't here, so I can't speak to yesterday.

240. But let's see what's going on now. Can you lift your pant leg for me?

241. Oh my God.

242. My legs are so swollen.

243. I take oxy every six hours, and it still hurts.

244. The tumors block my arteries.

245. It's happened before, but it's never been this bad.

246. Do you want us to administer the morphine in your vein

247. or through the port?

248. - Not the port! - Okay, okay.

249. - Please, not the port. - Okay.

250. I feel bad for taking up a bed.

251. Could this just be food poisoning?

252. What'd you have to eat today?

253. A Hot Pocket.

254. - Chicken bacon ranch? - Yeah.

255. Yeah, that could've definitely gone bad.

256. Now that I think about it, it didn't taste ranch-y.

257. It was kind of sour.

258. You sure it wasn't ham and cheddar?

259. I hope we haven't been here eight hours 'cause I ate an expired Hot Pocket.

260. How's your knee?

261. Can't even think about it 'cause my whole body feels like it's on fire.

262. It hurts so much.

263. I can't tell if it's all in my head.

264. Okay, Ashley Miller.

265. So... good news.

266. You're not pregnant. Ultrasounds show no torsion.

267. Swelling has gone down on your knee,

268. and overall, you're actually pretty healthy.

269. Are you sure?

270. It feels like torsion.

271. Yes, I am sure I know how to read an ultrasound.

272. There's gotta be some reason other than "you're actually pretty healthy."

273. IBS, anxiety, gas.

274. Uh, I've had gas, and I've never collapsed.

275. - Are the pain meds helping? - Not really.

276. What's your pain level on a scale from one to ten?

277. Nine.

278. Really? Nine is considered quite excruciating pain,

279. so severe and disabling you're unable to converse.

280. The mere fact we are having a conversation about nine means you are not nine.

281. Okay, whatever. She's an eight, then. God.

282. An unmedicated childbirth is considered an eight.

283. Are you suggesting that her current experience is similar?

284. I don't know. I've never had a baby before.

285. I mean, it's a scale of one to ten, so five is normal, right?

286. What?

287. Zero is normal.

288. Then what's feeling good?

289. Miss, it's a pain scale. Zero is pain-free.

290. Oh.

291. I thought it was like Letterboxd.

292. Letterboxd?

293. Two and a half stars out of five is average.

294. Get some rest. The nurse will check back in two hours.

295. - I have a really high pain tolerance. - No, I know.

296. Remember that time I got stung by a hornet?

297. Mm-hmm. Yeah, totally.

298. I barely cried.

299. I gotta pee. Are you gonna be okay?

300. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

301. So zero is like Oppenheimer.

302. Wait, so what exactly were the texts?

303. "Still thinking about our last convo."

304. And then I texted,

305. "Chairwoman is excited to work with you and Ashley on the Wellness Center."

306. So then you texted, "Gotta go. At the ER. Ashley hurt herself. Do not text me."

307. - And then I said— - Okay. Thanks.

308. Uh, what's wrong?

309. Nothing.

310. Is Ashley okay?

311. She's fine. I just...

312. I don't know. I shouldn't vent.

313. Uh, I don't mind.

314. I mean... I just...

315. I feel like I don't know her anymore.

316. Are you okay?

317. Austin?

318. It's too late.

319. Can someone find my fiancée, please?

320. Should this be beeping like this?

321. Let's see what's going on. How you feeling?

322. Something is very wrong with me. I need to see the doctor.

323. Just try and stay calm. This could be stress.

324. I'm stressed because I know that my ovary is torsed.

325. I know the ultrasound said it's not or whatever the fuck,

326. but you need to find someone to save my ovary right now.

327. She's hypotensive, tachycardic. Temperature elevated.

328. God! Fuck. Jesus.

329. Let's do morphine, four grams. IV fluid bolus of LR.

330. Can someone tell me what the fuck is happening?

331. - Whoa, whoa, stop right there. - My fiancée's in bed seven.

332. - Okay, you need a nurse to go in. - Come on, man. I was just there.

333. Austin!

334. - That's her right there. - Sir.

335. Just let me in! Just let me in!

336. - Step in line right now. - There! They're right there!

337. I'm not gonna say it again.

338. I'm gonna need you to get back in line.

339. Fuck!

340. Your symptoms are indicating a chance of tubal ovarian abscess,

341. which is a potentially life-threatening infection.

342. We'll need to conduct an exploratory surgery.

343. We're preparing to do a laparoscopic oophorectomy.

344. Then we'll have a better sense of what's going on.

345. Is this part of the deductible?

346. That's a billing question.

347. Just relax. I'm gonna pass it off to our anesthesiologist now.

348. Where's my fiancé?

349. Ashley.

350. Sorry.

351. - Oh my God. - I have regrets.

352. I know you said this is relatively safe,

353. but you also said there's risk.

354. And I... I just wanna say that if anything bad happens,

355. can someone tell my fiancé that I texted Eunice,

356. and I'm really sorry...

357. Babe?

358. Hey.

359. There you are.

360. How are you feeling?

361. Uh, really groggy.

362. - What happened? - You were right.

363. Your ovary was torsed, but they got to it just in time.

364. They saved it and removed the cyst.

365. - Really? - Yeah.

366. The doctors say you'll recover in four to six weeks

367. and that we should be able to still have kids.

368. Oh my God.

369. I love you so much.

370. I love you too.

371. Your mom's calling me.

372. Can you hand me the phone?

373. You can call her tomorrow. You're supposed to rest.

374. It's okay.

375. Mom?

376. Hey, pumpkin. I'm so glad you're okay.

377. Thanks. That means a lot.

378. Where are you staying these days?

379. My biggest regret was telling your dad I didn't want more kids.

380. What?

381. That's why he left me.

382. You know this.

383. Having you took such a toll, I just couldn't do it again.

384. - Mom? - It's too late.

385. I'm so sorry, Ashley.

386. It's too late, darling.

387. Austin.

388. What's happening?

389. Are you okay?

390. It's okay.

391. Wait, but...

392. How are you feeling?

393. Uh, I... I think I'm okay.

394. Is the doctor around?

395. Was the surgery successful?

396. I'm so sorry, Ash.

397. What do you mean?

398. They, um...

399. they had to remove your ovary.

400. It... wrapped around itself twice.

401. That's why it didn't show on the ultrasound.

402. They tried their best, but, um,

403. it had been too long without blood flow,

404. so they had to take it out before your body went into shock.

405. How much did it cost?

406. Hey! Uh, David T. Allen. How we doing here, folks?

407. Okay. So, on behalf of the hospital, I just wanted to check in.

408. See if there's anything we can do to make your experience a little more comfortable.

409. And anything you need, just say the word.

410. We're about to leave.

411. Oh. Man.

412. Um... Well, it's too bad Josh didn't hit me up earlier.

413. I could've gotten you in right away.

414. All right, I'll get right on those discharge papers.

415. You need anything?

416. No.

417. I'm gonna go for a run, but I'll be right back, okay?

418. I'll have my phone on me,

419. so if you need anything, just call, and I'll hurry back.

420. Love you.

421. Love you.

422. I'm gonna go for a quick run. I'll be right back, baby.

423. Love you.

424. Burberry, no.

425. No.

426. Business.

427. No.

428. - I'm gonna run some errands. You good? - Yep.

429. No! Business.

430. Burberry, business. Oh, stop it.

431. Business! Business!

432. C-R-A-M-E.

433. No, Lindsay Crane. Oh my God. Is there someone there who speaks English?

434. - Miss, what is the reason for canceling? - It's actually none of your business.

435. I just don't want to travel to Korea anymore.

436. Then you will need to pay a cancellation fee.

437. No, Woosh will need to pay a cancellation fee.

438. Is Woosh the first or last name?

439. I don't know. He just goes by Woosh.

440. W-O-O-S-H.

441. Nice to meet you.

442. I'm gonna bring your dad down. Yes, I am.

443. I'm gonna tear your family apart,

444. and then I'm gonna adopt you and raise you as my own.

445. Good boy.