Beavis and Butt-head 5x3

Directed by Mike Judge

The boys decide they need beards to score, so they cut their hair and glue it to their faces.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Steve, my career as a leading molecular biologist seems far away.

2. Yeah, but I'm not.

3. Damn, you're smooth.

4. Oh, we've got to get us one of those.

5. You mean like a testicular biologist?

6. No, Dillhole, a beard.

7. We don't score because chicks don't think we're manly enough.

8. Oh yeah, what if we had like a fake ID?

9. No way, Beavis.

10. A beard is better.

11. It looks cool, you know, like VZ top.

12. Oh yeah, me cool.

13. So how do we get one?

14. It's supposed to grow in I guess.

15. Uh oh.

16. Uh oh.

17. Oh, David.

18. Hey, buddy.

19. Well, this stuff ever cool.

20. I think this might have been cool when we were like five years old.

21. Oh yeah.

22. I think my mom is like sing the song like as a mullaby when I was going to sleep.

23. Really?

24. Yeah.

25. Whoa.

26. These chicks look like real sluts.

27. Yeah, yeah.

28. I think these chicks are really sluts.

29. Yeah, see?

30. Slut?

31. Slut?

32. Slut?

33. Slut?

34. No, don't look like these chicks are all like soft ones.

35. Yeah.

36. That's cool.

37. Hey, baby, if I just got an idea, they should have a show, you know, like cops.

38. Only they should call it sluts.

39. And they just like follow these sluts around with a camera.

40. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

41. They got like sluts in Houston.

42. And then like sluts and Phoenix, you know, just like just like cops.

43. That's probably good idea about it.

44. Yeah.

45. Just guy keeps going, I want a woman, but it's like I want a woman too, but I'm not out there singing some crappy song about it.

46. Yeah, it's like, it's like so he wants a woman.

47. What?

48. It's out of everybody.

49. I do like the sluts.

50. Yeah.

51. That's cool.

52. Hey, buddett, how's my beard look?

53. Uh, almost there, dude.

54. How's it look now?

55. Yeah.

56. Uh, maybe we're supposed to like put water on it.

57. How about now?

58. Damn it, be with us, it's not working.

59. This sucks.

60. We'll never score without beards.

61. Uh, well, there's something we could do.

62. Yeah, spank our monkeys.

63. No, dumb-ass.

64. Just leave it to me.

65. Yeah.

66. Beards rule.

67. Yeah.

68. Damn, you're smooth.

69. Ow!

70. That hurt.

71. Hold still, ass wipe.

72. Just don't mess up my hair, bumhole.

73. Don't worry, dude.

74. I'm making you look cool.

75. Whoa.

76. I'm like even more cool looking than normal.

77. Yeah.

78. Okay, dude.

79. It's beard time.

80. Uh, just words, uh, words, uh, uh.

81. It's just use on wood.

82. Yeah.

83. Cool, cool.

84. Okay, now get the hair I cut off.

85. Oh, yeah.

86. Oh, yeah.

87. Here we go.

88. Yeah, there.

89. Yeah.

90. Whoa.

91. You look old.

92. Cool.

93. Get up, ass wipe.

94. That's my turn.

95. Okay.

96. Like, uh, this one hurt a bit or something.

97. Coming up with a deadly cloud of methane threatening the town.

98. Can anyone make butthead stop eating chimichangas?

99. Stay tuned.

100. Oh, no!

101. Oh, no!

102. Check it out, dude.

103. I'm so smooth I got a beard on my hands.

104. Yeah.

105. These chicks must not like dudes or something.

106. Relax, Beba.

107. It's like they say when you're gonna walk the walk you gotta uh, uh, talk to.

108. What's that supposed to mean?

109. We gotta hit on the chicks ass munch.

110. Otherwise they'll think we're like all looks.

111. Uh, uh, uh.

112. Hey, baby.

113. Yeah.

114. Hey, baby.

115. Check out my hands.

116. Yeah.

117. Damn, we're smooth.

118. Wanna like stroke my beard?

119. Yeah.

120. Stroke it.

121. We're gonna call the cops if y'all don't leave us alone.

122. That's fucked.

123. Yeah.

124. Whoa.

125. Check out those chicks over there.

126. Uh, hey, baby.

127. Hey, baby.

128. Yeah.

129. What's that crap all over you?

130. Uh, it's like our beards.

131. Yeah.

132. Damn, we're smooth.

133. Those aren't beards.

134. You just glued some hair on your faces.

135. Don't you know that beards went out in like the 80s?

136. Uh, look.

137. Do you check if wanna make out or do you just wanna play games?

138. Why don't you boys lose the beards?

139. Cut back on the wanking and try us again in like 10 years.

140. Yes!

141. Yeah!

142. Hey, buddy, how they know we've been whacking?

143. Hey, that's too close.

144. Back off.

145. Yeah.

146. Keep it.

147. Keep it.

148. Keep it.

149. Keep it.

150. You think these guys are European?

151. You know what?

152. European.

153. I'm a peon.

154. Everybody's a peon.

155. That's why we got enough crap over here in this country.

156. Why do we need to go to Europe to get more?

157. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

158. That's a good point.

159. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

160. You know.

161. I wanna watch something that's like a piece of crap.

162. It's like, um, you know, I'll just watch it right here.

163. You know, you know what I'm saying?

164. We're trying to act like you're smart, Beelus.

165. You got my ass.

166. Hey.

167. You put it.

168. It's a base sucks.

169. This is an ace of base, Beelus.

170. I know.

171. I just felt like saying ace of base sucks.

172. I mean, you need a guy's suck too.

173. But, you know, like, ace of base, ooh, ace sucks.

174. Ooh.

175. I'm not gonna ever talk about it.

176. That's what you say.

177. Hey, somebody got nothing to say on that.

178. Yeah.

179. Like, in this video, there's really like nothing going on.

180. It's like, you might pull just like, play the song on the radio.

181. Yeah.

182. I think it just like, turn the radio off.

183. Yeah.

184. And then it'd be even better.

185. Is that like just a chick in the music, you know?

186. That part would, you know, be alright.

187. Hurry up, dude.

188. We gotta look good for those chicks in 10 years.

189. Yeah.

190. Beards went out in the 80s.

191. Yeah.

192. And now it's in here somewhere.

193. Okay, like, hold still and like, don't move.

194. Yeah.

195. Here we go.

196. Neat.

197. Neat.

198. Neat.

199. Neat.

200. You have what?

201. Whoa.

202. You look really cool now.

203. Damn, you're smooth.

204. Yeah.

205. Yeah.

206. Yeah.

207. Yeah.

208. Yeah.

209. Yeah.

210. Ooh.

211. You see that chick's line all over each other?

212. Yeah.

213. Fight.

214. Whoa.

215. Check this out, buddy.

216. It's like, it starts out pretty cool.

217. It starts rocking more and more.

218. Watch your second.

219. Here comes.

220. Okay.

221. Yeah.

222. Yeah.

223. That was so fast.

224. Yeah.

225. Yeah.

226. Yeah.

227. I'm gonna leave this.

228. Yeah.

229. Well, you shut up so I can hear it.

230. Yeah.

231. Yeah.

232. Oh, my bow's on.

233. Ooh, my bow's on.

234. Oh, my bow's on.

235. Hey, buddy, what's up, bow's on.

236. I think that's like one of those beds

237. olds into a couch.

238. Oh yeah, yeah those like me.

239. Like I'm me.

240. How come he sold it?

241. Cause he probably got like a big bed

242. so he didn't need it anymore.

243. Oh yeah, he maybe got tired of like,

244. people like just crashing in his house

245. and sleeping on it.

246. It's like, so he sold it.

247. And it's like, you wrote a cool song about it.

248. He sold my fall chan.

249. Yeah.

250. And then he had a bunch of fights happen in the video.

251. Yeah.

252. Yeah come on, you want to do something about it?

253. You think you're bad?

254. Come on, let's go, come on right now.

255. I don't think there's anybody on TV that you could kick ass on.

256. Except for, like, maybe, vertical.

257. I don't know if I did.

258. The vertical's pretty big now.

259. He's like, six, seven or something.

260. It's smaller.