Beavis and Butt-head 5x22

Directed by Mike Judge

Beavis and Butt-head can't seem to get up and off the couch, but this time it's because they keep drifting in and out of dreamland.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Music

2. From that big seat of this is today with Brian Gumball and Katie Koei.

3. Good morning to you, welcome to this beautiful day.

4. We're going to help you get it off to a great start. Good morning, Katie.

5. Good morning, Bryant. How are you?

6. Me? I couldn't be better. Yourself?

7. Just fine. How was your night?

8. Mine? Couldn't be better. And yours?

9. Just fine.

10. How was your night?

11. Mine. Couldn't be better.

12. Couldn't be better. And yours?

13. Just fine.

14. Music

15. Music

16. Urgh! What? What?

17. Yeah, self-slait.

18. What is that?

19. Urgh! I think it's jackal.

20. I have to be.

21. That dude looks like Heidi Flies.

22. Oh yeah. She's ganky.

23. She's ugly.

24. She's what you call faggly.

25. You're not faggly, stanky or whore.

26. That wasn't very nice, I'll leave it.

27. Oh, sorry about that.

28. This dude's chest is about as puny and hairless as yours, Beavis.

29. Shut up, fart cracker.

30. I got kicked as doo fast.

31. You mean fart knocker, Beavis?

32. Oh yeah, yeah.

33. And for the last time, you can't kick anybody fast.

34. Yeah, I can. I'm getting bigger.

35. I'm like, I've been drinking milk and stuff.

36. Yeah, right.

37. I'll really put it in.

38. And some last week.

39. Yeah, but then you spit it out.

40. I don't think my mouth long enough for me to get some vitamins from stuff out of me.

41. Dumbass.

42. Whoa.

43. He's just like walking around in his underwear.

44. And he's having popcorn for breakfast.

45. Yeah, pretty cool.

46. Hey, buddy.

47. You think he has morning wood?

48. Yeah.

49. He's got a breakfast burrito.

50. And he's chimitanga.

51. Chimitanga.

52. I'm not home right now.

53. I'm not home, though.

54. Hey, baby.

55. Get the one.

56. I'm in the pool.

57. Get the one.

58. I need a minute to grow the one.

59. I say hi to you.

60. Oh, check it out, buddy.

61. How did that dude get almost checked?

62. Cuz, dumb-ass.

63. His name is Shwan.

64. Oh, yeah.

65. Yeah, teaching shwan.

66. Never got about that.

67. You know what?

68. He teaches you to name the butt cheeks.

69. And it's like, he's butt cheeks and shwan.

70. I don't think you'd get checks with a name like butt cheeks, be this.

71. I mean, I got, that was my nickname when I was a kid.

72. Butt cheeks.

73. Oh, yeah.

74. Heather, tell us about your date.

75. Well, when you first showed up, I thought he's cute and billed and kind of sensitive.

76. Butt head, first impression?

77. Uh, well, Chuck, I thought she had big thingies.

78. So then what happened?

79. He took me to the quick mart.

80. Yeah.

81. I bought her some nachos so she'd like, put out.

82. Really?

83. Did it work?

84. Yeah.

85. I scored, Chuck.

86. Cool.

87. Thank you very much.

88. You must let go.

89. If you are rooted in the towel, the force of the earth will support you.

90. Yeah, but like, when are we gonna kick some ass?

91. Patience, my son.

92. Have you forgotten your lesson so quickly?

93. But master, does not the fire need water too?

94. Does not the mountain need the storm?

95. Does not your scrotum need kicking?

96. Ah!

97. Butt head, over 500 girls have had sex with you.

98. How do you explain the attraction?

99. Uh, just look at me.

100. Hey, baby.

101. Hey, fight, fight, fight!

102. Wake up!

103. I think we like missed school or something.

104. Cool.

105. It's not like we were gonna learn anything.

106. Oh yeah.

107. Hey, wanna impress your friends?

108. Act like you haven't seen this episode before.

109. Fire those retro rockets, shoot the fruton torpedoes and like, uh, make us go that way.

110. I got you, Captain.

111. Uh, excuse me.

112. I order you to undress and show me your stings.

113. But Captain, that violate interglactic law or something.

114. Number one, I order you to go take a number two.

115. Hey, I got them.

116. Uh, that's cool.

117. Run your bigger one.

118. Ah, the suspect passed a stop sign.

119. So I pulled them all and kicked his ass.

120. You sent a man locked by with a dog, so I kicked his ass.

121. Hey, where do you think you're going?

122. Hey, I'm all for you.

123. Here's a story of a guy named Butthead who was horny for three very lovely girls.

124. Then along came a guy named Beavis.

125. He was horny too.

126. Hey, Beavis.

127. We like living the same house with three chicks.

128. Oh, yeah.

129. Yeah.

130. So cool.

131. Yeah.

132. I'm like really tired.

133. Yeah.

134. I guess it's like time to go to sleep or something.

135. Yeah.

136. And the lover's test.

137. Uh, is this some monkeys?

138. Um, it looks like butt monkeys.

139. Is this that episode where they go to the dude ranch?

140. You're thinking of happy days, dumb-ass.

141. Hey, sit on it.

142. Sit on my butt.

143. That reminds me of this joke.

144. There's a dude and he like meets the slut in a bar.

145. They're like, uh, going back to her place.

146. I'm like, he, uh, can't find his keys.

147. But then he needs like a flashlight.

148. And then he says, uh, help me find my keys and we can drive out of here.

149. Um, I don't get it.

150. Uh, she was a slut.

151. Hey, butt it.

152. Is this like from that city slick or movie?

153. Oh, yeah.

154. Remember that one part where the guy like sticks his hand up that cow's butt?

155. Oh, yeah, yeah.

156. He pulls out a dog and it's all wet.

157. Maybe if that wasn't a dog.

158. I was like, uh, a big rabbit.

159. Hey, from NBC News.

160. Today, Brian Gumball and Katie Kuh.

161. Good morning to you.

162. Welcome to this beautiful day.

163. We're going to help you get a pretty start.

164. Hey, butt it.

165. Good morning.

166. I dreamed I was in school last night.

167. You think that counts for attendance?

168. Uh, I think so.

169. Was I there too?

170. Yeah.

171. Cool.

172. The left leg takes the day off.

173. Yeah.

174. What do you want to do?

175. Uh, mine couldn't be better.

176. And now for the weather, here's Willard's costume.

177. Thanks, Brian.

178. What another beautiful day outside.

179. We've got some birthdays here.

180. 100 years young today.

181. Hey.

182. Hey.

183. Hey.

184. Hey.

185. That's no doggy dog.

186. No, don't ask.

187. That's a chip.

188. She's got a haircut, though.

189. You know, weirdo.

190. Yeah.

191. She's like one of those drama club teachers.

192. They're always trying to get you like cramps around,

193. like some kind of woofy.

194. Yeah, it's like they say, be a tree.

195. Get me.

196. Now be a sad tree.

197. Now be a happy tree.

198. Yeah.

199. Man.

200. This chick is out of her gourd.

201. Yeah.

202. She's like completely whacked out.

203. I can't really blame her because like some of these weird chicks make tons of money.

204. Really?

205. Yeah.

206. It's not like they're going around saying,

207. we need a normal chick to dance on this truck.

208. Yeah.

209. Hey, hey, buddy.

210. Think I could make some like money if I acted like a weird chick?

211. I think I have to be from England or something.

212. Oh, dammit.

213. Whoa, she's grabbing her crotch.

214. Yeah, yeah.

215. Hey, buddy, that's not chicks didn't have a crotch.

216. No, dumb-ass.

217. You're thinking of nads.

218. Well, I was thinking of the crotch actually, but you know what?

219. Oh, so girl, that was crotch?

220. Mm-hmm.

221. I'll be damned.

222. Yeah.