Beavis and Butt-head 2x24

Directed by Mike Judge

The boys do a favor for Mr. Anderson (who they hope will die soon, and leave his money to them) by washing his dog Collette at the laundromat. Of course, they wind up in one of the dryers, too.

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1. BE ALL YOU CAN BE

2. Golly, sarge. Don't make me scrub the latrine again.

3. Hey Beavis, you know what's in Olivia Newton-John?

4. Gomer's Pyle, get it?

5. Yeah.

6. You're sending that many men up against Rambo?

7. - Well, just don't forget one thing. - What's that?

8. A good supply of...

9. zip-lock bags. They're ideal for storing meats.

10. And now, back to "The Deerhunter".

11. Whoa, that was cool!

12. - Whoa! I saw that guy in detention! - Yeah.

13. He doesn't want to sit up 'cause he's got morning wood.

14. Rise and shine!

15. - This is stupid. - Yeah. And it sucks, too.

16. - These effects aren't very special. - Yeah. These effects suck.

17. If I got a hat like that,

18. I could be a lead singer.

19. I would be cool.

20. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21. This is stupid.

22. Yeah, I like the fire,

23. but they need some chicks in tight shorts.

24. Then it would be cool.

25. Yeah, with close-ups on the butt.

26. Yeah.

27. You better watch out.

28. 'Cause I'm a war machine.

29. You better watch out.

30. 'Cause I'm a war machine.

31. Atten-hut!

32. Gentlemen, my name is sergeant Dick Leaky.

33. Some call me "The Rooster".

34. Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster.

35. - War songs are cool. - Yeah.

36. At ease, men. Why don't you come on inside?

37. I'd like to talk to you about finding your purpose in life.

38. - This is our purpose. - Yeah.

39. How about something more ambitious than loitering, boys?

40. I'll let you touch my MX-35 grenade launcher.

41. I said you could touch it, not grab it!

42. So, you boys know anyone in the military?

43. Beavis's dad was in the navy.

44. Is that right?

45. Yeah, he was a semen.

46. - Yeah. - Get it?

47. Nothing funny about the military, boy. Grab a seat.

48. There's a short film I'd like you to see.

49. In operation "Helping Hand"

50. we use heavy metal to scare the enemy.

51. And we did more than just scare 'em.

52. We killed more people before 7 AM,

53. than some countries kill all day.

54. There's some really satisfying about doing your job well.

55. Today's army rocks!

56. We're looking for a few good headbangers.

57. Whoa, that was cool!

58. Yeah, he looked like the lead singer in Pantera.

59. That oughta get 'em.

60. You idiots! That's a live grenade!

61. Are you kids on dope? That grenade's gonna blow!

62. Whoa, that was cool!

63. Yeah, that was kinda cool.

64. Listen up men! The way I see it, you owe me one.

65. I'll be honest with you. Being in the United States Army is an important job.

66. And it's not always easy finding the best people.

67. Do you know what a quota is?

68. You mean like, twenty five cents?

69. No.

70. I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades and uniforms.

71. I'll get you a delayed entry

72. and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix.

73. - Is that anywhere near Fort Nuts? - Yeah.

74. All you have to do is sign.

75. And if you decide you don't like the army, there are ways to get out.

76. So, what do you say, boys?

77. Does this mean that Beavis will have to shave his butt?

78. Listen you maggots, I took a bullet for Uncle Sam!

79. And if you dirtbags don't sign this papers,

80. you're gonna take a bullet for me!

81. This deal sounds pretty good.

82. You know, free explosives.

83. Yeah, if you're gonna sign up, I guess I will too.

84. Very good.

85. Seems you boys enlisted by assigning yourself a rank.

86. So, which one of you signed up as

87. Major Woody

88. and... Private Parts?

89. Why, you little pinkos!

90. Yes!

91. This kicks ass!

92. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

93. Brian Johnson looks like he's taking a dump.

94. Yeah, he's constipated, 'cause he is old.

95. Hey Beavis, you think we're on, like, a highway to hell?

96. Yeah.

97. These guys dress cool.

98. Yeah, they always wear the same thing.

99. Yeah.

100. Hey, we always wear the same thing.

101. Yeah.

102. I had this shirt on for six months.

103. Yeah, I had this shirt on for seven months.

104. That was cool.

105. I got his bullets. What did you get?

106. That was cool.

107. - Smoke. - Yeah, smoke is cool.

108. - Whoa, this video is cool! - Yeah.

109. These guys should be on TV constantly.

110. What's he saying? "I'm a drag"?

111. "I'm a train".

112. - He's saying "mama drag". - Yeah.

113. - These guys rock! - Yeah, they kick butt!