1. THE DOG
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2. Okay. Comfy, Mr. Swinerton?
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3. Oh, yes, I'm fine.
I'm...
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4. That guy is old.
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5. You're just being nice
to my rich husband
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6. so he'll put you in his will.
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7. Tune in tomorrow for another episode
of "The Rich And The Horny".
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8. Hey Butt-Head,
do we know any old guys?
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9. Mr. Anderson.
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10. Yeah.
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11. We're there.
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12. Hey Mr. Anderson,
are you gonna die pretty soon?
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13. Yeah, and leave all your money
to someone?
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14. That would be cool.
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15. Boys, every man faces death.
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16. Lord knows I've faced it many times.
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17. I took lead at Anzio.
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18. I was napalmed in Korea.
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19. And boy, that little filly in Paris
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20. put an awful strain on
my ticker, I tell you what.
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21. On your what?
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22. Yep boys, I've arm-wrestled
with death all my life.
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23. But it's been a good life,
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24. and when the Grim Reaper
comes a-knockin',
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25. this van will stop rocking.
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26. So, are you gonna die soon?
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27. - Yes boys, I'm afraid it's inevitable.
- Cool.
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28. So... you got any, like,
chores you want us to do?
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29. Yeah. We won't charge you nothing.
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30. Well, that's mighty nice of you boys.
Let's see here.
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31. Well, you could give
Colette here a bath.
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32. She ain't been feeling well lately.
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33. She's been rolling around
in her own sick.
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34. Smells like teen spirit.
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35. Smells like your butt.
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36. Okay dude, we'll be back.
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37. - This is gonna be cool.
- Yeah.
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38. - What's with all these squares?
- Yeah.
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39. Orange squares suck.
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40. If I wanted to learn about
geometry, I'd go to school.
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41. Geometry's not about squares.
It's about triangles and stuff.
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42. - I meant advanced geometry.
- Yeah.
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43. These guys sure got wimpy.
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44. Shut up, fartknocker!
These guys are cool!
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45. Oh yeah.
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46. - Check out this old dude.
- Yeah.
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47. Hey old dude, there is
a duck after you.
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48. - That wasn't funny, Beavis.
- Oh yeah.
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49. Check it out, there is
something cool coming up.
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50. Yeah.
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51. That's not it.
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52. - That's not it.
- Yeah, that's not it.
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53. - That's it!
- Yeah! Yeah!
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54. Yeah.
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55. That's cool.
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56. - That's it again!
- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
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57. Yeah.
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58. It says "load".
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59. Hey Butt-Head,
these things cost money.
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60. That sucks!
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61. Boys, would you do me a favor
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62. and watch my laundry
while I go to the store?
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63. Are you gonna die pretty soon?
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64. I'm sorry son, I can't hear you.
You'll have to speak up.
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65. Never mind.
We'll watch your stuff.
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66. Look, an old lady's panties.
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67. It's a poodle. Set it on "delicate".
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68. This is gonna be cool.
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69. - Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
- Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
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70. - Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
- Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
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71. You think she's clean yet?
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72. Yeah.
Take her out.
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73. Whoa!
Check it out, she's stoned.
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74. Yeah.
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75. Whoa.
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76. - Hey!
- Cool.
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77. Hey Beavis,
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78. I just made my pants dirtier.
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79. Hey, look out the window.
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80. Those people can see us.
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81. Yeah.
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82. To them, my face looks like a sock.
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83. I barfed on the dog.
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84. I barfed on you.
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85. That was cool.
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86. Let's go.
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87. Doing chores wipes me out.
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88. You said "wipe".
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89. Yes!
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90. It's about time
they play something cool.
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91. Yeah.
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92. This guy kicks-ass!
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93. - This guy looks like Jesus.
- Yeah.
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94. Christ is cool.
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95. Whoa, Seattle kicks-ass!
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96. Yeah. Is everybody
in Seattle cool?
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97. Yeah, if you go to Seattle
anybody you see is cool.
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98. - We should go, dude.
- Yeah, yeah.
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99. That's that dude from
the Spin Doctors.
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100. He jams with
Soundgarden sometimes.
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101. She smells worse
than when I gave her to you.
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102. I don't smell nothing.
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103. We used a special new dog detergent,
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104. lemon scented chunks.
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105. Well, detergent ain't enough, boys.
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106. You gotta use good old elbow grease.
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107. We used,
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108. stomach grease.
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109. You know, it's like the story
of the two frogs
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110. who fell in a pan of boiling milk.
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111. One of them said: "I'm done for",
and he gave up and died.
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112. The other one started flapping
his little froggy arms,
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113. flapping his arms, flapping his arms,
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114. 'till finally he was standing
on a big chunk of cheese.
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115. Whoa! We gotta try that.
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116. Yeah. Got any milk?
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117. All's I'm saying is,
you boys have to get up off your butts
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118. and work harder.
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119. Hey, it was free, ass wipe.
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120. That's it. Get your worthless hides
off my property
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121. and don't ever come back.
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122. Okay, but,
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123. we got just one question.
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124. Get out!
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125. Can we be in your will?
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126. Hey Beavis,
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127. - where's Vanilli?
- Yeah.
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128. That is Vanilli.
Where is Milli?
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129. Set me free, Beavis.
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130. Set me free.
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131. Hey Butt-Head, change it
or kill me.
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132. That's Billy Idol?
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133. This is a story.
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134. Yeah.
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135. The story is:
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136. "Once upon a time, Fonzie dyed his
hair blond,
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137. - and got on his motorcycle".
- Yeah.
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138. And, uhh... uh,
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139. then he started singing, and this woman
dropped this TV out of her window.
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140. No way. Then he got in
a motorcycle accident.
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141. And there was blood.
The end.
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142. Whoa! It's that
Weird Al dude!
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143. - There's gonna be a fight?
- Yeah.
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144. It's gonna be one of those girl fights.
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145. Fight! Fight!
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146. Whoa! He's gonna get
some 'cause he's Weird Al.
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147. Yeah.
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148. If you're famous, all you have to
do is just walk up to chicks and say:
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149. - "Give me some".
- Yeah.
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