- 1. THE DOG
- 2. Okay. Comfy, Mr. Swinerton?
- 3. Oh, yes, I'm fine.
- 4. That guy is old.
- 5. You're just being nice
to my rich husband
- 6. so he'll put you in his will.
- 7. Tune in tomorrow for another episode
of "The Rich And The Horny".
- 8. Hey Butt-Head,
do we know any old guys?
- 9. Mr. Anderson.
- 10. Yeah.
- 11. We're there.
- 12. Hey Mr. Anderson,
are you gonna die pretty soon?
- 13. Yeah, and leave all your money
- 14. That would be cool.
- 15. Boys, every man faces death.
- 16. Lord knows I've faced it many times.
- 17. I took lead at Anzio.
- 18. I was napalmed in Korea.
- 19. And boy, that little filly in Paris
- 20. put an awful strain on
my ticker, I tell you what.
- 21. On your what?
- 22. Yep boys, I've arm-wrestled
with death all my life.
- 23. But it's been a good life,
- 24. and when the Grim Reaper
- 25. this van will stop rocking.
- 26. So, are you gonna die soon?
- 27. - Yes boys, I'm afraid it's inevitable.
- 28. So... you got any, like,
chores you want us to do?
- 29. Yeah. We won't charge you nothing.
- 30. Well, that's mighty nice of you boys.
Let's see here.
- 31. Well, you could give
Colette here a bath.
- 32. She ain't been feeling well lately.
- 33. She's been rolling around
in her own sick.
- 34. Smells like teen spirit.
- 35. Smells like your butt.
- 36. Okay dude, we'll be back.
- 37. - This is gonna be cool.
- 38. - What's with all these squares?
- 39. Orange squares suck.
- 40. If I wanted to learn about
geometry, I'd go to school.
- 41. Geometry's not about squares.
It's about triangles and stuff.
- 42. - I meant advanced geometry.
- 43. These guys sure got wimpy.
- 44. Shut up, fartknocker!
These guys are cool!
- 45. Oh yeah.
- 46. - Check out this old dude.
- 47. Hey old dude, there is
a duck after you.
- 48. - That wasn't funny, Beavis.
- Oh yeah.
- 49. Check it out, there is
something cool coming up.
- 50. Yeah.
- 51. That's not it.
- 52. - That's not it.
- Yeah, that's not it.
- 53. - That's it!
- Yeah! Yeah!
- 54. Yeah.
- 55. That's cool.
- 56. - That's it again!
- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- 57. Yeah.
- 58. It says "load".
- 59. Hey Butt-Head,
these things cost money.
- 60. That sucks!
- 61. Boys, would you do me a favor
- 62. and watch my laundry
while I go to the store?
- 63. Are you gonna die pretty soon?
- 64. I'm sorry son, I can't hear you.
You'll have to speak up.
- 65. Never mind.
We'll watch your stuff.
- 66. Look, an old lady's panties.
- 67. It's a poodle. Set it on "delicate".
- 68. This is gonna be cool.
- 69. - Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
- Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
- 70. - Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
- Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
- 71. You think she's clean yet?
- 72. Yeah.
Take her out.
- 73. Whoa!
Check it out, she's stoned.
- 74. Yeah.
- 75. Whoa.
- 76. - Hey!
- 77. Hey Beavis,
- 78. I just made my pants dirtier.
- 79. Hey, look out the window.
- 80. Those people can see us.
- 81. Yeah.
- 82. To them, my face looks like a sock.
- 83. I barfed on the dog.
- 84. I barfed on you.
- 85. That was cool.
- 86. Let's go.
- 87. Doing chores wipes me out.
- 88. You said "wipe".
- 89. Yes!
- 90. It's about time
they play something cool.
- 91. Yeah.
- 92. This guy kicks-ass!
- 93. - This guy looks like Jesus.
- 94. Christ is cool.
- 95. Whoa, Seattle kicks-ass!
- 96. Yeah. Is everybody
in Seattle cool?
- 97. Yeah, if you go to Seattle
anybody you see is cool.
- 98. - We should go, dude.
- Yeah, yeah.
- 99. That's that dude from
the Spin Doctors.
- 100. He jams with
- 101. She smells worse
than when I gave her to you.
- 102. I don't smell nothing.
- 103. We used a special new dog detergent,
- 104. lemon scented chunks.
- 105. Well, detergent ain't enough, boys.
- 106. You gotta use good old elbow grease.
- 107. We used,
- 108. stomach grease.
- 109. You know, it's like the story
of the two frogs
- 110. who fell in a pan of boiling milk.
- 111. One of them said: "I'm done for",
and he gave up and died.
- 112. The other one started flapping
his little froggy arms,
- 113. flapping his arms, flapping his arms,
- 114. 'till finally he was standing
on a big chunk of cheese.
- 115. Whoa! We gotta try that.
- 116. Yeah. Got any milk?
- 117. All's I'm saying is,
you boys have to get up off your butts
- 118. and work harder.
- 119. Hey, it was free, ass wipe.
- 120. That's it. Get your worthless hides
off my property
- 121. and don't ever come back.
- 122. Okay, but,
- 123. we got just one question.
- 124. Get out!
- 125. Can we be in your will?
- 126. Hey Beavis,
- 127. - where's Vanilli?
- 128. That is Vanilli.
Where is Milli?
- 129. Set me free, Beavis.
- 130. Set me free.
- 131. Hey Butt-Head, change it
or kill me.
- 132. That's Billy Idol?
- 133. This is a story.
- 134. Yeah.
- 135. The story is:
- 136. "Once upon a time, Fonzie dyed his
- 137. - and got on his motorcycle".
- 138. And, uhh... uh,
- 139. then he started singing, and this woman
dropped this TV out of her window.
- 140. No way. Then he got in
a motorcycle accident.
- 141. And there was blood.
- 142. Whoa! It's that
Weird Al dude!
- 143. - There's gonna be a fight?
- 144. It's gonna be one of those girl fights.
- 145. Fight! Fight!
- 146. Whoa! He's gonna get
some 'cause he's Weird Al.
- 147. Yeah.
- 148. If you're famous, all you have to
do is just walk up to chicks and say:
- 149. - "Give me some".