Batman: The Animated Series 2x10

Directed by Kevin Altieri

Arleen Sorkin as Harley Quinn (voice) • Mark Hamill as The Joker (voice) • Lloyd Bochner as Mayor Hamilton Hill (voice) • Neil Ross as Dealer (voice) • Dick Miller as Boxcars 'Boxy' Bennett (voice) • Dick Miller as Boxy Bennett (voice)

Harley Quinn agrees to help Batman and Robin find the location of a stolen atomic bomb placed somewhere in Gotham by the Joker.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Here it is, gentlemen.

2. Enough kaboom to turn Gotham into the world's biggest pothole.

3. What say we start the bidding at one million?

4. —One million. —Two million.

5. —Three million. —Five.

6. Gentlemen, please. Don't insult me with nickel-and—dime bids.

7. The man who walks out with this bomb walks out with Gotham in his pocket.

8. Yours to pick clean or blow sky-high.

9. Your call. What am I bid?

10. How about nothing?

11. Zero, zip, zilch, nada.

12. My personal check for bupkis.

13. Drawn on the First National Bank of Squadoo.

14. Sorry, boys,

15. this lot is sold.

16. Whoops.

17. You really should loosen up, dear.

18. Have a laugh now and then.

19. That's so much more pleasant.

20. Alerting the public now would only cause a panic, Commissioner.

21. But if that madman plans to use the bomb, we've got to clear the city.

22. / can't evacuate 10 million people on your suspicions.

23. We don't even know if the bomb's still in Gotham.

24. Keep me posted if you find anything.

25. The Joker will be extra cautious this time.

26. We'll have to think like him.

27. Or recruit someone who does.

28. Ms. Quinn.

29. Don't you knock before entering a lady's boudoir?

30. —I need help. - Well, you've come to the right place.

31. I recommend a lobotomy.

32. The Joker's stolen a bomb.

33. If I can't get to him in time

34. this city and everyone in it is going up in a mushroom cloud.

35. So you want me to turn squealer on Mr. J. Ha!

36. Sorry, B-man, no deal.

37. I've talked to Gordon and Dr. Bartholomew.

38. You help me find the Joker, and they'll write your ticket out of here.

39. Whee!

40. If you promise no double—cross.

41. Ah, shoot, take all the fun out of life.

42. I don't have time for jokes.

43. Okay, okay, I promise.

44. Shake?

45. Oh, the irony of it.

46. The grim, stalwart Dark Knight and his greatest female adversary

47. fighting together to save the city.

48. I sense a lack of trust.

49. Sure you don't need any help keeping Zippy under control?

50. I'm fine.

51. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads.

52. —I'll signal if there's trouble. - You got it.

53. —HARLEY: I wanna listen to the radio. —Don't!

54. Oops.

55. Listen, and listen good.

56. You don't touch anything, say anything

57. or do anything unless I tell you!

58. - Got it? - Yes, sir.

59. So far, Joker hasn't been seen at any of his old hideouts.

60. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped.

61. Okay.

62. This used to be our special love nest.

63. Have a look around while I slip into something more comfortable.

64. No tricks.

65. Hey, we have a deal, remember?

66. — —

67. Whee!

68. Ah! I feel like a human being again.

69. Hi, babies! Mommy's home!

70. Are you the sweetest babies?

71. Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

72. How do you like our ha—hacienda?

73. Charming.

74. Especially these monitors.

75. Between the cops, city hall and the mayor's office,

76. Joker has the whole city wired.

77. He's a genius.

78. What's the attraction, Quinn?

79. This sick infatuation with the Joker.

80. Look, Bats, when I was a doctor

81. I was always listening to other people's problems.

82. Then I met Mr. J., who listened to me for a change and made everything fun.

83. You think it's funny when he hurts people?

84. It's just a joke.

85. Hope you're still laughing when it's your turn.

86. Hmph.

87. Meet us at the Apex novelty factory.

88. Quinn says it's an old hideout. But the Joker may be using it again.

89. I'm on my way.

90. —Grab on. - I can do it myself, thank you.

91. Ha-ha! Ow!

92. Sneak, sneak, sneak.

93. —Shh. —Shh.

94. What do you mean, "Shh"? No one's been in this dump for years.

95. Uh-oh.

96. Hey, guys, look who I got.

97. Well, well.

98. If it ain't the big, bad Batman

99. come to break up Boxy Bennett's little social club.

100. It's gonna cost you, freak, big time.

101. Hi, Boxy. Long time no see.

102. Harley Quinn.

103. Last I heard, they tossed you in the squirrel farm and swallowed the key.

104. What you doing with the Bat?

105. Come on, you don't think I was working with Batman?

106. I know you'd blow us both away if you thought that.

107. You thought right, sugar.

108. Phew.

109. So, you ain't seen Mr. J. around, have you?

110. Nope.

111. You know, I never could figure what a cute little number like yourself

112. saw in a slob like the Joker.

113. Especially when there are suave guys like me around.

114. Now, Boxy.

115. Sure, my pudding's a little temperamental.

116. But, gee, what relationship doesn't have its ups and downs?

117. Ha!

118. A flat.

119. I never knew That our romance had ended

120. Until you poisoned my food

121. And I thought it was a lark

122. When you kicked me in the park

123. But now I think it was rude

124. I never knew that you and I were finished

125. Until that bottle hit my head

126. Though I tried to be aloof

127. When you pushed me off the roof

128. I feel our romance is dead

129. It wouldn't have been so bad If you had told me

130. That someone had taken my place

131. But no No, you didn't even scold me

132. You just tried to disfigure my face

133. You'll never know How this heart of mine is breaking

134. It looks so hopeless, but then

135. Life used to be so placid

136. Won't you please put down that acid?

137. And say that we're sweethearts again

138. Yeah. All right, baby!

139. Whoo! All right, B and R!

140. Hey, ugly.

141. They're all working together.

142. Let's go, Quinn!

143. Quinn!

144. Whee!

145. Bombs away!

146. —Huh? —

147. Yes!

148. Did you see the way I handled those creeps?

149. Pow! Barn!

150. Oh, Batgirl, eat your heart out.

151. What was she before she went bonkers?

152. A clinical psychiatrist.

153. Figures.

154. —Any word on the Joker? —Nothing.

155. I even checked with Gordon again, and the mayor still refuses

156. to let the cops evacuate the city.

157. Oh, it's brilliant.

158. Way to go, Mr. J.!

159. What are you saying?

160. Oh, come on, Bats.

161. You've seen how my pudding keeps an eye on Gotham.

162. What better way to tie up the cops

163. than to tie up the mayor?

164. Whoo-hoo!

165. See, do I know how Mr. J. thinks, or what? Ha!

166. And here you thought I was just another bubble—headed blond bimbo.

167. Well, the joke's on you. I'm not even a real blond.

168. Good job.

169. Huh? Hey!

170. —What gives? —I can't risk you warning the Joker.

171. Would I do a thing like that?

172. Hey, let me out! Come on!

173. Boy, you just can't trust some people.

174. Nothing like a moonlight dip, eh, Mr. Mayor?

175. Please, just make your ransom demands and get on with it.

176. Oh, no ransom this time, Hammy.

177. - You can't mean— —Oh, yes, indeed y-do.

178. Instead of taking you, the cops and the Batman down separately,

179. I'm going to blast you all at once.

180. Send down the plane, boys.

181. We're blowing town.

182. Literally.

183. Yes, sir.

184. But all those innocent people.

185. Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punch line.

186. Ha!

187. What? Hey!

188. Gee, it's amazing what you find in people's glove compartments.

189. Harley?

190. Hi, pudding. Miss me?

191. You clever little minx.

192. How did you escape from Arkham?

193. Batman sprung me so I could find you.

194. Had me all locked up in his bad old car, too.

195. AW.

196. Quinn, we had a deal!

197. Deal's off, B-man. No one ever said anything about hurting Mr. J.

198. Oh!

199. AUTOMATED VOICE: 10-minute countdown sequence has been engaged.

200. Oh, my Lord.

201. Come, my dear.

202. We'll get to a safe altitude, then watch the fireworks.

203. It's lucky you were here, Harley.

204. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time

205. to swing by Arkham and pick you up.

206. Quiet, brat.

207. You were gonna come back for me, weren't you, pudding?

208. Of course, pumpkin pie.

209. It's just that... Well, here you are,

210. so I can save myself a trip.

211. But what about all our friends?

212. Ivy and Two—Face and hat guy and lizard man and puppet head and—

213. What about them?

214. Don't forget your little pets.

215. The babies! We can't leave the babies!

216. I'll buy you a goldfish!

217. —Let's go! —No!

218. Why, you little—

219. You know, Bats, I got a crazy idea

220. Mr. J. may not be the guy for me after all.

221. Ha!

222. —Go around again! —But, boss...

223. - I said do it! - Yes, sir.

224. —Made it with time to spare. —

225. That bomb's going off even if I go with it!

226. Laugh this off, pudding!

227. Whoa!

228. —Freeze, clown. —Quinn, stop!

229. He's mine, Bats.

230. You wouldn't dare.

231. You don't have the guts.

232. Not in a million years would you—

233. Baby, you're the greatest.