Batman: Caped Crusader 1x3

1. Here you go, pal. O'Brian from the Gazette.

2. Call me if you want a copy after you see it in the paper.

3. My rates are very reasonable.

4. Now, these are pearls.

5. - Hard to imagine anything more beautiful. - Not that hard.

6. I'd love a set just like these.

7. Should I be worried?

8. Why, Mr. Wayne, I have no idea what you mean.

9. Well, I hear things tend to go missing around you, Miss Kyle, a lot.

10. What can I say? I like nice things,

11. and sometimes they accidentally come home with me.

12. But, really, most of that talk is just gossip.

13. So I've had a few slaps on the wrist in court. What girl hasn't?

14. - Mm-hm. - You know,

15. you should buy me a drink sometime.

16. - Should I? - Yes.

17. I mean, I'm practically the only eligible woman in Gotham

18. that you haven't taken out.

19. I'm tempted to take it personally.

20. Besides, we have so much in common.

21. You know, the whole wealthy orphan thing.

22. Your father's in prison for tax fraud.

23. Well, I know it's not exactly the same.

24. But still, I bet we have more to talk about

25. than most of the floozies I see on your arm.

26. What do you think those cost?

27. - Ten grand, 20? - That's what I'm sayin'.

28. Who the hell wears pearls like that into Crime Alley?

29. I mean, what do you expect, lady? It's the East End.

30. Oh, my.

31. Anyway, that's what happened.

32. And I guess my lawyer worked something out with the district attorney's office,

33. which is how I ended up here on your couch, Dr. Quinzel.

34. I mean, metaphorically.

35. The couch is way more comfy, Bruce. Go ahead. Give it a sit.

36. That's all right. I don't intend to take up much of your time, doc.

37. - I'm not exactly the bellyaching type. - Oh, no, of course.

38. But there is this issue of felony assault,

39. and a bit of bellyaching was part of your no jail time deal.

40. Right. But I...

41. All you have to do is a few weeks of therapy. Easy as pie, hon.

42. So, given the stakes, I think we should take as much time as we need.

43. Hm?

44. Love that we're on the same page.

45. Now, have you ever found yourself

46. resorting to violence in other situations?

47. What? Come on.

48. Do I look like a guy who goes around blowing his top?

49. Appearances are often... deceptive.

50. And the fact is, Bruce, you did blow your top.

51. Look, the guy made a crack about my mother, so I popped him one.

52. Anyone would have done the same.

53. But, yeah, I guess I know that it was... wrong.

54. That tragedy in your childhood, it's obviously and reasonably a tender spot.

55. Would you like to talk about what happened to your parents?

56. Uh, no.

57. Look, that was a long time ago, and it was awful.

58. But I'm a grown man now. I don't really think about it anymore.

59. You know, repressed trauma is something you might not even realize

60. you're dealing with until something happens.

61. Repression is kind of like...

62. Can you tell us anything about the gunman? Like what color his hair was or his eyes?

63. - Anything at all? - No.

64. It was too dark.

65. I couldn't see his face.

66. I didn't even see... the... the gun.

67. Detective, the boy's been through enough. I really must insist I take him out now.

68. Yeah. Okay. I'll be in touch with any news.

69. Thank you.

70. - How was therapy, Master Bruce? - Waste of an hour.

71. Doctor thinks she can get into my head.

72. That's not going to happen.

73. - What's that you're looking at, sir? - Nothing.

74. Miss Selina.

75. Miss Selina. It's time to wake up.

76. Greta, come on.

77. It's mid-afternoon already, Miss Selina.

78. - Mid-afternoon.

79. - There were more bills today. - Just put them with the others.

80. - Miss Selina.

81. They're going to turn off the electricity soon.

82. And I, too, would like to be paid again someday.

83. Hey, it's not my fault Daddy left us here with bupkis, is it?

84. Well, can you at least stop bringing home strays?

85. The cat food bills alone are bankrupting us.

86. Oh, stop worrying, Greta. I'll take care of everything.

87. - Somehow. - Yes.

88. Your tone inspires much confidence in me.

89. You never talk back like this to Daddy.

90. Don't think I'm not noticing that.

91. Hey, Greta, darling?

92. We still have a sewing machine, don't we?

93. Fabulous, right?

94. Not the word I would use.

95. Don't move! Police!

96. Freeze!

97. Oh, hi.

98. Oof. You're a thousand times sexier than that sketch in the paper.

99. - Who are you? - Catwoman, dear. Obviously.

100. What can I say? You inspire me.

101. - You have toys?

102. Hey, Flass. It's that Selina Kyle broad.

103. - The high society klepto. - So it is.

104. What are you doing, lady? You trying to move up to the big time?

105. That was kind of the plan, yes.

106. Nice car.

107. How about a cup of hot cocoa when we get back?

108. How does that sound, Master Bruce?

109. Mr. Wayne?

110. Bruce?

111. Sorry. I'm a little hung over. Late night with a lady friend.

112. What was the question?

113. I was saying that our last session revealed that you've clearly repressed

114. the impact of your parents' murders.

115. Have you ever considered that you may be repressing yourself in other ways?

116. This whole life that you've built for yourself,

117. it feels so, I don't know... obvious.

118. Almost a cliche.

119. Maybe it's a way to shield yourself from further pain.

120. It would be understandable if it was.

121. That's a hell of a thing to go through as a kid.

122. Or I'm not repressing anything

123. and I just have a lot of disposable income and a very active social life.

124. Oh, yes. I've seen you in the society pages.

125. You and some model, you and some movie star.

126. But, Bruce, how many second dates do you have?

127. Is this therapy or church? - Come on.

128. You run around acting like Gotham's happiest, randiest bachelor.

129. But are any of these women more than just an accessory for you?

130. Is there ever any love there? Or even lust?

131. Or are you just going through the motions,

132. being the person that everyone around you expects you to be?

133. I'm just playing the field, doc. That's not a character flaw, is it?

134. Life is just different for people in my position.

135. Someone wealthy, you mean?

136. I'm sure it is.

137. I'm very sorry, Your Honor.

138. I swear, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

139. I didn't break into those shops. It must have been that Batman character.

140. This is all just a tragic misunderstanding. Really.

141. Miss Kyle, this isn't your first time here.

142. You simply must make better decisions in your life.

143. I'm trying, Your Honor.

144. Mr. Dent, what does the prosecution have to say here?

145. Well, Your Honor, since we have no evidence it was Miss Kyle

146. that committed these crimes and not the Batman who was also at the scene,

147. and since the stolen gems were all returned,

148. the people are willing to drop the charges and allow Miss Kyle another second chance.

149. Right, then. Case dismissed.

150. So when it's my clients, you're gunning for jail time.

151. But when it's the rich and famous, they get a break?

152. What is she, Harvey, a campaign donor?

153. Oh, come on, Barbara. Do you really think I'd sink that low?

154. Well, maybe I would... if she weren't flat broke.

155. - Home, Miss Selina? - Not yet.

156. I think we need to get some work done on the car.

157. So we heard the Kyle dame skated, and you caught her at the scene and everything.

158. In some cat getup? I mean, come on.

159. How do you blow an easy case like that, Bullock?

160. - Shut your pie hole, Cohen! - Take it easy, Bullock.

161. Yeah. Seriously, Scarface.

162. Listen, don't worry about Cohen and that pain in the ass kitty cat.

163. The lady's running out of lives. Trust me. She just doesn't know it yet.

164. Latest reports indicate that inflation and unemployment

165. in Gotham continue to rise.

166. And while the mayor's financial advisers are scrambling for solutions,

167. the subsequent increase in violent crime spreads

168. the already strained Gotham City Police Department even thinner.

169. And in a surprising twist this afternoon, Selina Kyle,

170. the so-called Catwoman, was released with no charges brought against her.

171. She'd allegedly been the prime suspect in a series of jewelry thefts

172. on the Upper East Side.

173. - They let her go. - Indeed, sir.

174. But apparently, she has promised never to do it again.

175. - ... and declined to press charges.

176. Your old mama had some very fine sparklies.

177. Yes, she sure did.

178. Don't you worry. I promise to take real good care of them.

179. Ah!

180. My hero.

181. Mm...

182. Stop. You're wasting my time.

183. Well, why do you keep chasing me then?

184. I wasn't sure that these would actually work, but holy mackerel.

185. Oof!

186. As I tried to explain downstairs,

187. Miss Kyle moved out the other day after she was released from court.

188. Son of a... She hit four safes last night.

189. - Four! - Yeah. And now she's gone underground.

190. Miss Selina, I don't see how you expect us to live in a place like this.

191. We'll get used to it, Greta. We have to.

192. We're on the run,

193. and no one around here will care who we are or talk to the police.

194. Besides, I already paid a year's rent from last night's take.

195. No more owing creditors.

196. You do still owe some debts, Miss Selina.

197. And sure, this isn't exactly society living.

198. But if we're going to live like outlaws,

199. then we're going to have to make some sacrifices, right?

200. Yes, well, I never asked to live like an outlaw,

201. but no one listens to me, do they?

202. Oh, that's right.

203. Aren't you Mommy's favorite? Yes, you are.

204. Maybe it's time to retire upstairs.

205. Try and get at least a few hours' sleep.

206. Perhaps you could let the police handle Miss Kyle.

207. She's only a jewel thief, after all. Not really a villain, sir.

208. And Bruce Wayne does have appointments today, so...

209. Appointments? That's a good idea.

210. Get the limo out.

211. I'll get changed.

212. Are you certain there's nothing I could do to change your mind?

213. The show was meant to run for another three weeks, and...

214. No. I'm afraid I have to insist.

215. And I'm sure the other families will agree with me.

216. What with this Catwoman character out there.

217. Can... can we at least have the weekend?

218. - So, did all go well? - The plan's set. Take us home.

219. Actually, you have another appointment, sir, with Dr. Quinzel.

220. And in other news, the Gotham Museum is closing

221. their fine jewelry show three weeks early.

222. So if you're looking to be with some of the most beautiful pieces donated

223. by Gotham's upper crust, you now have only two more days to do so.

224. - You know, this is my last session. - Is it?

225. Time has just flown by.

226. And I... I really want to thank you, Dr. Q.

227. I'll admit, I was a bit resistant to this, but I feel like it's been really helpful.

228. Really.

229. You know what, Bruce? I'm going to sign your paperwork.

230. Oh, gosh. Thanks, doc. I really...

231. Because I don't think you're a danger to yourself or anyone else.

232. But I also don't think that we've made any progress together.

233. It's funny.

234. Most of my patients are all too willing

235. to dump their guiltiest secrets and darkest desires on me.

236. If I didn't know any better,

237. I'd think you really are the shallow cardboard cutout you pretend to be.

238. But I do know better.

239. Your walls are just too high.

240. Much too high for little old me to get through.

241. But I'm willing to keep going.

242. I'm willing to try if you are, Bruce.

243. Your court ordered sessions are over,

244. but I think you should continue on as my patient.

245. Now, doesn't that sound like fun?

246. Thanks for the offer, doc, but I'm all aces now, I promise.

247. So can I get you to sign these then?

248. - Make sure Lucius Fox gets these. - Your final session, was it?

249. Yes, thankfully.

250. Did you really not get anything out of talking to her, sir?

251. Because I've often thought it might be beneficial to...

252. I'm fine. Now, drop it.

253. Yes, Master Bruce.

254. They're going to pay.

255. - They? - All of them.

256. I'm going to make them pay.

257. And you're going to help me.

258. Master Bruce, even if you catch Miss Kyle tonight,

259. the judge may simply let her go again.

260. Not this time.

261. Councilman, Councilman, what's your wife going to think of this?

262. Holy crap!

263. Oh, my God!

264. Bill O'Brian from the Gotham Gazette?

265. Yeah, I mean... I mean... no?

266. - I need your help. Sure. With what?

267. What do you think? I need you to take some pictures.

268. Calling all cars. We have a report of a silent alarm

269. at the Gotham Museum.

270. All cars, please respond.

271. You heard her. Let's go.

272. Put them back.

273. You could have said you wanted a date the last time.

274. But I didn't come alone tonight.

275. We're not going to need those.

276. You saved me. I knew there was something... Ow! Hey!

277. Not so tight!

278. You know, you're really no fun at all.

279. No, I'm not.

280. So I got some shots in there. But, uh, I didn't only get Catwoman.

281. There's also some shots of you... handling those cops.

282. It's all on the same roll of film.

283. But I can... You know, I can destroy them all, if that's what you want.

284. I... I'm not trying to...

285. Just make sure the Catwoman photos run. I don't care about the others.

286. Greta? Finally.

287. Listen, it's a disaster.

288. They've got evidence, photos, the whole deal.

289. So I need you to bail me out.

290. I'm sorry, Miss Selina.

291. But that's not going to be possible. You have no money.

292. No, no. Listen, just hock some of the paintings

293. and maybe that gold statue that Daddy loved.

294. You know, the one with the ballerina up on her toes?

295. Yes, I know, Miss Selina. I already sold her

296. and everything else worth a nickel that you owned.

297. - What? Greta! - You owe me three years of back pay.

298. So I'm collecting now.

299. My cruise to the Bahamas leaves in an hour. Auf wiedersehen!

300. - Why...

301. that little crook!

302. I suppose the evidence against Catwoman will stand up in court this time.

303. She'll be back. But Gotham's got a break from her nonsense.

304. And so do I.

305. Those photos of you might prove to be more trouble than Catwoman was.

306. Probably. But now they'll all know I'm coming for them.

307. You know, sir, I was thinking about what you said earlier about seeing Dr. Quinzel.

308. The coffee's cold.

309. I'll get you a fresh cup, sir.