Batman 1x32

Directed by Charles R. Rondeau

Frank Gorshin as The Riddler • Richard Bakalyan as C. B. • Francis X. Bushman as Mr. Van Jones • Sherry Jackson as Pauline • Theo Marcuse as Von Bloheim

Robin has been captured by 'The Riddler', leaving Batman fearing his own reaction. Therefore he asks Commissioner Gordon to accompany him to the Bat-cave to witness his interrogation of Pauline, The Riddler's moll. All clues eventually lead back to the priceless silent film collection of Mr. Van Jones, to which The Riddler is about to add his own silent masterpiece.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. (male narrator) So far we have seen

2. in the lobby of a silent film festival

3. an unscheduled diversion.

4. The tramp was The Riddler.

5. What the blazes was his game?

6. He was after a roll.

7. A tasty payroll.

8. But this roll had a twist.

9. A crooked crew behind a movie camera.

10. And two stars who didn't know they were in the picture.

11. A trap!

12. Caught again on film.

13. And in the abandoned cutting room of a bankrupt movie studio

14. The Riddler and his felonious filmsters

15. enjoy the show.

16. And got ready for an even stranger one.

17. Temper tonic.

18. Poured into innocent lemonade

19. at Mr. Van Jones' temperance party.

20. Incredible affect.

21. Friends turn into snarling beasts.

22. A free for all.

23. And down in the driveway, a damsel in distress.

24. Oh, yeah?

25. Robin? Where's Robin?

26. In the Riddler's filthy clutches.

27. Kindling for the biting buzzsaw.

28. We warned you before, we warn you again

29. in just one minute, you will a Boy Wonder sawed in two.

30. Meanwhile, even as the buzzsaw spins

31. a desperate Batman races

32. from the scene of Mr. Van Jones' fatal party

33. bent on pursuit of Robin's captors.

34. Horrors! The Boy Wonder's tiny utility belt radio

35. lost in the struggle.

36. No way of contacting him now.

37. Batman! Wait!

38. I'm so ashamed, Batman, the way I behaved at that party.

39. It's not your fault, commissioner.

40. Riddler's henchmen spiked your drinks with temper tonic.

41. Now you've taken my universal drug antidote

42. you'll be alright.

43. Yes, but still my unseemly behavior

44. certainly contributed towards Robin's capture.

45. Let that be a lesson.

46. In future, be more careful from whom you accept free lemonade.

47. What the blazes!

48. 'Great Scott, Batman! Look up there.'

49. A parachute blossoming.

50. "A bear like a fallen tree?"

51. Easy. A bear lumbers and a fallen tree becomes lumber.

52. Good grief! Another one.

53. '"Why is silk like grass?"'

54. Even easier.

55. You measure both by the yard.

56. Lumber... yard..

57. The Gotham Lumberyard!

58. That must be where he's holding Robin.

59. 'Goodbye, commissioner.'

60. Speed to headquarters.

61. I'll call you if I need help.

62. Goodbye, Batman.

63. Save that boy!

64. Robin!

65. Robin!

66. Do you hear me?

67. Too late. He's history now, Batman.

68. I'll do better than that, Riddler.

69. Question.

70. When is a man a stupid relative, huh?

71. I've heard enough of your murderous riddles.

72. Surprise, Batman.

73. This is what is known in the film game as a two-parter.

74. Look!

75. "When is a man like a stupid relative?"

76. When he's a mannequin.

77. A dummy.

78. Robin?

79. Riddler?

80. Stop! Surrender! Give yourself up.

81. By all that's holy I might forget myself

82. and do you violence.

83. My name is Pauline.

84. My lawyer's name is Mr. Oliver Wendell.

85. Why don't you look him up and buzz him?

86. No use, Batman. She's hard as nails.

87. Knows her legal rights too.

88. A frustrated, would-be actress..

89. a star that was never born

90. venting her disappointment on society.

91. Only one thing to do, commissioner.

92. Take her to the Batcave and work on her.

93. Great Scott, Batman.

94. Revealing its location will be tantamount to..

95. taking off your mask.

96. Not quite, commissioner.

97. Before the trip, I intend to render her senseless

98. with a whiff

99. of Batgas.

100. Hey, now, wait a minute.

101. I'd like you to come along too, commissioner.

102. Me? To the Batcave?

103. When it's a question of Robin's safety

104. I don't entirely trust myself.

105. I'd like a witness present to make sure

106. that I don't employ methods

107. which might bounce back on me in court.

108. Well, of course, if you wish my presence, Batman, I'll..

109. Uh, Batgas for me as well?

110. It's a precaution I have to take, commissioner.

111. If you were captured and tortured by criminals

112. you might reveal the location of the Batcave.

113. I place myself in your hands, Batman

114. with the most serene confidence.

115. Sit down, commissioner.

116. Restrain her, Chief O'Hara.

117. Hey! Hey, wait. Wait, I want my lawyer.

118. Help! No, don't you dare.

119. I assure you, commissioner, the sensation is not unpleasant.

120. Your handkerchief?

121. Great science!

122. Chief O'Hara, summon some men.

123. We'll need help in getting them to the Batmobile.

124. Great Scott!

125. At last, the fabulous Batcave.

126. - Unusual, isn't it? - Oh, magnificent!

127. I feel as if I've awakened in some future age.

128. Such equipment.

129. What fantastic ingenuity

130. you and the Boy Wonder have employed

131. in hooking it together.

132. True.

133. We did muster many long hours of brain power.

134. However, this is no time for self-congratulation.

135. A small demonstration will now take place.

136. - A demonstration? - Yes, commissioner.

137. Take this can of Batwake.

138. When I give you this signal

139. spray a whiff of it in the prisoner's face.

140. Certainly.

141. You will notice, commissioner, that this Batmask in most ways

142. resembles an ordinary operating room oxygen mask.

143. I will introduce no drugs, no serums

144. into Pauline's bloodstream.

145. I understand.

146. Now, commissioner.

147. - Give her the Batwake, please. - Oh-oh, yeah.

148. Where am I?

149. Deep..

150. in the entrails of the earth, Pauline.

151. Where every instrument

152. has been designed to combat crime

153. and smear its perpetrators.

154. There are those who came to this Batcave

155. and never left.

156. That is true.

157. Now, tell me.

158. Where is Robin being held?

159. I don't know.

160. Are you sure?

161. Yes, I'm..

162. I only know..

163. (Batman) 'Yes.'

164. '... the clues, two riddles.'

165. Give them.

166. Why was Flo Zigfield like a nearsighted man?

167. Because they both put on spectacles.

168. Two?

169. What kind of men are always above board?

170. Chessmen.

171. Join me over here, commissioner.

172. Watch very carefully, commissioner.

173. I'm going to mingle Pauline's captured breath

174. with a clear liquid in this container.

175. What do you hope to discover, Caped Crusader?

176. The truth, commissioner.

177. If Pauline's answers were true

178. then the oxygen content of her breath

179. will turn this liquid red.

180. If, however, she lied

181. then the increase in her metabolism

182. will increase the oxygen content of her breath

183. and cause an imbalance which will leave this liquid clear

184. and undisturbed. Do you understand?

185. Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

186. Now..

187. for the test.

188. Would you squeeze the bag, commissioner?

189. Thank you.

190. Fantastic!

191. Oh, I doff my hat to you, Batman.

192. No wonder you're the nemesis of crime.

193. Obviously you were telling the truth, young lady.

194. A wise decision, I promise you.

195. Commissioner.

196. You observed I used no undue methods

197. to extract that confession.

198. Oh, none whatever. I'd affirm that in the highest court

199. in the land.

200. But what do those strange clues mean, Batman?

201. Simple, commissioner.

202. Look at it in the context of the theme

203. which has run throughout this entire case.

204. Silent movies.

205. Uh, clue one. Spectacles.

206. Harold Lloyd of course.

207. He always wore spectacles.

208. And he was often found perilously balanced

209. on the ledge of a high building.

210. Chessmen.

211. The Chessman Building!

212. Right, commissioner.

213. I'll call Chief O'Hara on the Batphone

214. alert where to find you along the roadside.

215. I'll also tell him that he will find the standby container

216. of Batwake in your right-hand coat pocket.

217. Uh, right. Oh, thank you.

218. This, uh.. This has been a privilege, Batman.

219. A rare privilege.

220. I thank you.

221. - You're welcome. - Fire away.

222. Meanwhile, on a narrow ledge

223. just below the roof of the venerable Chessman Building

224. the Riddler and his felonious filmsters

225. prepare to shoot a shattering spectacle.

226. Stolen straight from Harold Lloyd.

227. Coming up..

228. the last reel in our drama

229. starring the Boy Wonder

230. going down.

231. This time..

232. no whimsical dummy, but the real thing.

233. You lowdown fiend, what's the point of all of this?

234. Comedy, Boy Wonder.

235. Light-hearted comedy to accommodate a connoisseur.

236. Riddler, this life of crime has finally softened your brain.

237. Question.

238. Can a robin fly if his wings are clipped?

239. You won't earn a nickel murdering me, Riddler.

240. This doesn't make sense.

241. Correct, Boy Wonder.

242. Not cents, dollars!

243. At least one million dollars.

244. Rehearsal.

245. Make sure my safety belt doesn't show.

246. Sure, Riddler baby.

247. 'Make with the action.'

248. Whoa-oh-oh! Whoa-a-a-a!

249. Whoa-a-a-a!

250. Cut!

251. End of rehearsal.

252. This time, we film it.

253. Uh, but little difference, ya?

254. Ya. Little difference.

255. This time, the Boy Wonder makes the plunge.

256. Rolling.

257. Little mood music]

258. Robin!

259. Curses!

260. The Batrope! Grab it with your teeth.

261. Hold on, Robin. Tight.

262. I'll raise you back up to the ledge.

263. - Are you alright, Robin? - Holy molars!

264. Am I ever gonna take good care of my teeth.

265. True.

266. You owe your life to dental hygiene.

267. If only more people..

268. Those cowardly crooks!

269. They're escaping again.

270. Only if we had our Batcopter.

271. Holy smokes! Sky writing.

272. - More clues, no doubt. - You're right, Batman.

273. Look! A riddle!

274. "What kind of machine has ears?"

275. That one's for a nursery school.

276. A train of course.

277. A train has engineers.

278. You want to land us all back up in the pen again, baby?

279. Lackeys, you don't realize

280. these clues have a false meaning.

281. "A cowboy wear a tight belt?"

282. The same reason a policeman or anyone else does.

283. To hold up his pants.

284. A train.

285. A hold up.

286. Well, the El Chief!

287. - Which? - The El Chief, Batman

288. That famous train which all the movie people used to take.

289. The Riddler's planning to hold it up.

290. - Fits like a glove. - Yes, it does.

291. Very good thinking, Robin.

292. Commissioner Gordon? Robin, calling from the Batmobile.

293. Thank heavens, Boy Wonder, you are safe.

294. - How do you feel? - Just great.

295. - How do you feel? - No nauseous after-effects.

296. Tell Batman it was like waking from a strange refreshing dream.

297. I'll do that, commissioner.

298. In the meantime, here's a red hot tip.

299. Send every man you've got to Gotham Central Station.

300. Stake-out that famous train.

301. The El Chief.

302. A strange and shocking twist to the plot.

303. For even as the defenders of law and order

304. descend on Gotham Central Station

305. the Riddler shows up on the other side of the city.

306. At the mansion of Mr. Van Jones

307. famed fancier of old silent films.

308. (Mr. Van Jones) Well, come in.

309. Mr. Riddler, at last.

310. Yeah.

311. I have it right here, Mr. Van jones.

312. My silent masterpiece.

313. The only silent movie ever made of Batman and Robin

314. in action.

315. I can hardly wait.

316. Oh.

317. Imagine.

318. The first silent epic film in almost four decades..

319. mine.

320. What a triumph for a collector like myself.

321. But, come on, let's run it.

322. Come on.

323. Sensational, Mr. Riddler.

324. Worth every penny of the $100,000

325. I contracted to pay you.

326. I thank you, Mr. Van Jones.

327. Just a moment, I'll put this film in the safe.

328. And get you your check.

329. Would you excuse me?

330. Have no fear for the safety of your epic, Mr. Riddler.

331. I'll keep it with my others.

332. In this burglar-proof vault.

333. It can be opened by positively no one

334. but myself.

335. Mr. Van Jones..

336. why are you like a clock at midnight?

337. Answer.

338. 'Cause both your hands are going straight up right now.

339. What is this?

340. This is your last reel.

341. 'Step aside.'

342. But my films!

343. You can't take them.

344. They're priceless.

345. Oh, I think we'll find a price..

346. '... when you try to ransom it back.'

347. This way, partners.

348. No sheriff, Riddler baby?

349. 'Hos, he went that-a-way..

350. to the train station.

351. Hurry it up, boys.

352. Clean out that safe and let's head for them hills.

353. Blazes! A bat shadow.

354. (Batman) Same old ending, Riddler.

355. It never fails.

356. Thought you had us fooled with your double-dealing clues, huh?

357. "The Great Train Hold-Up."

358. The most famous silent film ever made.

359. 'And the only existing print'

360. is right here in the Van Jones safe.

361. Get him, boys.

362. Get him, or we'll never make it to the border.

363. Good heavens!

364. Call Chief O'Hara, Robin.

365. Tell him we have the entire cast right here.

366. Cast?

367. You're about to star in a picture

368. of your very own, Riddler.

369. A long picture.

370. Titled, "Up The River."

371. Alfred, why are you dawdling so?

372. We're gonna be late at the restaurant.

373. - Is that so, madam? - Well, of course it's so.

374. We're due to meet Dick and Bruce there at 8:00.

375. As you say, madam.

376. Alfred..

377. really, and on my birthday too.

378. Dick and Bruce promised they'd have a big surprise for me.

379. And that's precisely what I shouldn't wish you to miss.

380. - Happy Birthday, Mrs. Cooper. - Many happy returns.

381. Merciful heavens to Betsy, it's Batman and Robin.

382. My friend Bruce Wayne contacted me through the commissioner.

383. He said you'd always wanted to meet the Dynamic Duo.

384. (Robin) 'Kind of like a birthday surprise, Mrs. Cooper.'

385. - It's an honor, ma'am. - And a pleasure too.

386. May we take the liberty?

387. - I think we better run, Batman. - That's right, Robin.

388. We'll be late for that appointment we have tonight.

389. Happy birthday again, Mrs. Cooper.

390. Quickly, let's race to the Batmobile.

391. Oh, Alfred.

392. Alfred, imagine.

393. They kissed me.

394. Will Bruce and Dick ever believe that when I tell them?

395. Oh, I'm sure they will.

396. After all, I was a witness.

397. Madam.

398. Next week, the Penguin waddles again.