Batman 1x22

Directed by Leslie H. Martinson

Harvey Lembeck as Eagle-Eye • Bill Welsh as Newsman George • Kathleen Crowley as Sophia Starr • Burgess Meredith as The Penguin • Al Checco as Dove

Already wanted for a robbery they didn't commit, Batman and Robin fake their own deaths with a little help from Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara. They even allow the Penguin to take hold of the Batmobile, now renamed 'Birdmobile' in order to keep track on them via a hidden camera.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. So far, we have seen a peaceful matinee...

2. at a fashionable theater.

3. Stick them up.

4. Holy bombshell, the crook caught by the Penguin.

5. The loot restored, and a beautiful rich admirer found.

6. Can it be? That waddling master of foul play gone straight?

7. Grill that crook. Make him admit he's a Penguin stooge.

8. Useless. The bird won't sing.

9. In the steam room of The Millionaire's Club, an attempted kidnap.

10. Again, foiled by the Penguin and his magic umbrella.

11. The Penguin, set up in business, rival to the Dynamic Duo.

12. Alfred the butler, an undercover agent...

13. caught in the act.

14. A desperate escape.

15. The Penguin must be after those priceless jewels.

16. Bait for a clever Penguin trap.

17. But Penguin's too clever.

18. Holy backfire, what a catastrophe.

19. Snap goes the Penguin trap, cement-filled umbrellas.

20. Strung up behind a shooting gallery.

21. Death at the unwitting hands of the police?

22. Wait. The wildest is yet to come.

23. Now, gentlemen, at my instructions.

24. Ready...

25. aim...

26. fire!

27. - What's so funny, Penguin? - Oh, the irony of it.

28. The exquisite humor.

29. Where's our check? The thousand bucks for the police benevolent fund.

30. Yes. With my gratitude, you've earned it. Ha, ha. It's certified.

31. Holy hot foot. The bulletproof soles of our shoes sure saved our lives.

32. The shock has luckily unjammed my Batknife too. I'll cut these ropes.

33. Unh. We'll get out of here fast.

34. You know, it's quite a recoil for a popgun.

35. You're right, Chief O'Hara. I noticed that myself.

36. Now, let's toss the costumed corpses over the pier, to the sharks with them.

37. Great blubbering whale oil. They've evaporated.

38. Slugged me when I wasn't looking. Batarangs.

39. Curses. Curses. Now we'll have to fight another round.

40. Gosh, Batman. I still think we should have crashed in and caged that bird.

41. On what charge?

42. Attempted murder.

43. Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara fired the guns.

44. Ouch, yes.

45. We're the fugitives. We're wanted by the law for burglary.

46. Besides, the Penguin had legally rented that amusement pier.

47. - We're the trespassers. - Holy nightmare.

48. This game, Penguin holds all the aces.

49. He may be holding all the aces...

50. but tomorrow morning, we play the trump card.

51. Those masked menaces must be apprehended. I won't stand for it.

52. A civil tongue, Penguin, or I'll have you removed from my office.

53. A civil tongue, is it?

54. You watch out or I'll have you removed from your office.

55. - What? - My influential friends won't like this.

56. They'll have you thrown back into the Department of Sanitation...

57. where you belong for harboring wanted criminals.

58. An outrageous accusation.

59. Open your yap, Penguin. Make that charge again.

60. - I'm afraid Penguin's right. - My dear Ms. Starr.

61. Do you pretend you can't find these criminals, commissioner?

62. What's the matter, commissioner? Famous hotline out of order?

63. Penguin, don't touch that phone. Unh!

64. - Yes, commissioner? - Quack, quack, I'm on the phone.

65. - Penguin. - No answer, eh? Hmm?

66. The heat is on, Batman. You'd better come in and give yourself up on that burglary charge.

67. - Instantly. Do you understand? - I'll see you, Penguin.

68. I'll be at your Protective Agency office in 25 minutes.

69. Did you hear that? He's on his way to attack me.

70. I demand protection.

71. The Penguin is within his rights, Chief O'Hara. Stake out the area.

72. - Arrest Batman. - Yes, sir.

73. Get on the mobile Batphone. Call Commissioner Gordon.

74. Roger.

75. Give him the following instructions...

76. To arms, my fine, frothy finks. Batman's on his way.

77. Well, the costumed crooks, the dressed-up desperadoes.

78. Your super brain power has driven us mad, Penguin.

79. Something snapped.

80. We don't care if we go up the river for a hundred years. We're getting you first.

81. Quick, my finks, self-defense. The Dynamic Duo has flipped their wigs.

82. Batman, listen, it's the police.

83. Let's get out of here.

84. Surrender, Batman. We're taking you in.

85. Get them, coppers.

86. Agh! Ah. Agh!

87. Oh, frabjous day. Callooh! Callay!

88. - Let's bag the Batmobile. - Sensational idea. Come on.

89. Let's see, now, how do you run this dratted thing?

90. I'll call the morgue.

91. Don't feel too sad, boys. You had to do it.

92. There's nothing so tragic as a good crime fighter turned bad.

93. In view of their past services, I've given orders that they be buried with full police honors.

94. - Despite the fact they died as fugitive felons? - Yes, George, despite that fact.

95. Nothing can erase the memory of the deeds they performed before they...

96. became unhinged.

97. Now, tell me, commissioner, what do you think brought about this...

98. Batman and Robin, dead?

99. What in the world is going to become of us?

100. Perhaps that's a better question than you realize, madam.

101. How I wish Bruce and Dick were here. Maybe they could console me.

102. I doubt that very much, Mrs. Cooper.

103. I doubt it very much.

104. - Thank you, commissioner. - Anytime, George.

105. - Hello, chief. - George.

106. - For your signature, commissioner. - Oh?

107. Yeah. It's a requisition slip for the ammo we used...

108. getting Batman and Robin in the big gunfight.

109. Two hundred and ninety-seven rounds including tommy gun and pistol.

110. - Strange, isn't it? - Isn't what strange?

111. Two hundred and ninety-seven rounds of blank ammunition.

112. Do you know them blanks cost more than the real ones?

113. Ahh. Oh, what a thrill, Pengy, darling...

114. driving in your Birdmobile through Gotham City on an anti-crime patrol.

115. Birdmobile? What nerve.

116. By whatever name...

117. that tiny TV transmitter we built in the back of the fuel gauge is functioning perfectly.

118. Let's just hope some foolish felon tries to start...

119. Look. Isn't that a holdup?

120. Hand over that payroll or get ventilated.

121. - Pengy, it is a holdup. - Was a holdup, you mean.

122. - Ha-ha-ha! - Oh, Pengy, you routed him.

123. What a crime fighter.

124. What a man of action.

125. - Holy mush. - Bet you a milkshake...

126. that so-called holdup Penguin just spoiled was another charade.

127. Gosh, Batman. I think it's time we came back from the grave and nail that brassy bird.

128. Patience, Robin. Our seeming demise is our trump card.

129. That and letting him steal the Batmobile.

130. I'd sure like to try some of the other special gimmicks we installed.

131. Don't worry, Robin. We'll have time.

132. Just as soon as the Penguin reveals his plot.

133. And I know it has something to do with Sophia Starr.

134. Sweet Sophia.

135. Darling, Pengy birdie.

136. Holy Romeo and Juliet.

137. Sophia, look into my eyes, will you?

138. Will you?

139. Will you?

140. Oh, yes, Penguin. Yes. Yes.

141. - Oh, yes. - Yes.

142. - A solid gold dinner service. - Check.

143. - A diamond-studded electric can opener. - Check.

144. - A oil well. - Check.

145. A oil well?

146. The deed's in the envelope, stupid.

147. - From the bride's uncle in Texas. - Wow!

148. The guests are coming. Everything set?

149. Yeah. The bomb we placed in the water pipes ought to go off, right:

150. Five, four, three, two, one.

151. Perfect, eh?

152. - Good gracious. What happened? - Oh, nothing to bother you, my little love.

153. One of those water pipes seems to have burst.

154. Luckily, we brought some water buckets and umbrellas too.

155. Enough for a small list of distinguished guests.

156. Oh, you are fantastic, Penguin. Is there anything you're not prepared for?

157. I hope not, my sweet. Mm, I hope not.

158. - What? It seems to be raining in here. - I've never...

159. - Man the buckets, my good man. - Sure thing, Mr. Penguin.

160. The wedding? How come it's raining in here?

161. - It's raining in the house. - Right in the house.

162. This rainfall, I've never seen anything like it.

163. Pass out the emergency umbrellas, Dove.

164. Right away, Mr. Penguin.

165. Here you are, folks. Take your umbrellas.

166. He's gonna give us umbrellas.

167. The Penguin and umbrellas? It spells trouble.

168. Well, sure, then I'm glad we're on the guest list.

169. - Here. - Ah, yes.

170. Oh, how charming and unusual.

171. An indoor wedding in the rain.

172. All the gifts are on display and we have a charming buffet.

173. - Everyone. - Open your umbrellas.

174. - It's raining heavily in here. - Yes.

175. - Watch the bucket. - Ha-ha-ha.

176. Ah, ha, ha. How do you do? How do you do?

177. Ha-ha-ha. Thank you. Thank you. Ha, ha.

178. Great Scott. The wedding presents.

179. One of your criminals has done that.

180. He's taken advantage of this bizarre confusion to steal my dowry.

181. If you want to see the crook who's behind this, look in the mirror.

182. Mirror, mirror.

183. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest fink of all?

184. Ah, oh!

185. - Pengy, they've fainted. - Well, don't get upset.

186. - We'll get to the bottom of this. - Eagle-Eye, Dove, come here.

187. - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

188. - Let's go. - Where to, boss?

189. Well, the criminals must be below. Quick, to the elevator.

190. We'll apprehend them or we'll die in the attempt.

191. Yes. Yes. Oh!

192. Waugh, waugh, waugh.

193. Oh, what a haul. What a criminal cornucopia.

194. - Penguin, you're a genius. - Of course I'm a genius.

195. It's too bad that our two costumed clowns aren't here to see my triumph.

196. Into our Birdmobile. We'll fly like the wind...

197. to our secret impregnable hideaway.

198. What a brilliant bird am I. What a brilliant bird am I.

199. A fortune in wedding gifts and still a bachelor.

200. What a dastardly twisted plot.

201. That Penguin's some foul bird.

202. Not only robbing his own wedding but leaving that trusting girl at the altar.

203. - Let's go get him, huh? - Right you are, Robin.

204. Let's see how his course is coming in on the mobile Batcycle Batscanner.

205. He's just passing Gotham City limits.

206. Right. Let's go.

207. A bachelor's life is the life for me

208. Titwillow, titwillow, titwillow

209. A bachelor's life is the life for me

210. Titwillow, titwillow and titwillow

211. We're gaining, Batman.

212. Batscanner says, "Range, 7490."

213. Lucky for us he doesn't know how to actuate the super-speed afterburner.

214. - Time to jolt him with our gimmicks, huh? - Roger.

215. We'll start by giving his two stooges a short sweet voyage into space.

216. Here goes the remote control ejector button.

217. Eagle-Eye. Dove. Thundering feathers.

218. I must have accidentally hit some dratted button.

219. Now for some amusing fun with the doors.

220. Fouled-up secondhand car.

221. Great melting icebergs.

222. This bird is beginning to fly here.

223. Come here, you black raven.

224. Look. Look at him, Robin. That crooked bird's going crazy.

225. Be careful, Batman. We don't want him to smash up the Batmobile.

226. Good point, Robin. I'll take over the steering now by remote control.

227. I hate you.

228. Great melting icebergs. This filthy beast seems out of my control.

229. - What's the range now? - "One, six, zero, two."

230. Hold tight, Penguin. Emergency turn coming up.

231. Forget the scenic route, you black vulture. Just get me back on the main road.

232. - Look, Batman. Penguin's ugly thugs. - Let's rack them up, huh?

233. Do you see what I see, Dove?

234. - What do you see, Eagle-Eye? - I see ghosts on a Batcycle.

235. Ghosts, huh? I don't think you crooks have the right spirit.

236. The Batmobile. Let's get the controls.

237. Back from the grave, you tricksters, eh?

238. Back to send you on a honeymoon cruise, Penguin. Up the river to the pen.

239. - Gone straight, huh? - We'll straighten you out.

240. - Case closed, Batman? - Yes. Except for one detail.

241. - What's that? - The Batmobile.

242. We'll have to have it fumigated.

243. Here you are, Ms. Starr, all the stolen gifts recovered.

244. - I wonder. - What, Ms. Starr?

245. The love and affection I'd provide...

246. it might be just the thing that would turn him into an honest, law-abiding citizen.

247. Great Scott, Ms. Starr.

248. You mean you'd still consider becoming that crooked bird's wife?

249. Why not?

250. I'd make him a nest where he'd feel warm and protected and loved.

251. It's a challenge to quicken any woman's heart.

252. Officer, bring in Penguin.

253. Oh, my dear Pengy. My poor little sick bird.

254. It was mine. I tell you, it was all in my grip.

255. This was my oil well, and this was my solid gold dinner service.

256. And this was my diamond-studded can opener.

257. - Greedy bird. Have you no conscience? - This woman loves you, Penguin.

258. - She's still willing to marry you. - Who, me? The Penguin?

259. - Married and kept in a bathtub? - I love you, Pengy.

260. I'd try very hard to reform you.

261. Great heavenly ice floes.

262. Take me to prison.