Baskets 2x10

1. You're not welcome here in my home anymore.

2. Get out.

3. My daughters and I run a carpeting business together.

4. I find it fascinating,

5. especially that you have a family business.

6. Let's take a look at this will, shall we?

7. She left everything to me.

8. Have you ever made a sound financial decision in your entire life?

9. I never had a chance to make any decision,

10. but now I do.

11. - Priyet. - Oh, hey, privet.

12. Um, hi, I'm Cheryl. Welcome to Bakersfield.

13. - Hi. Hello. - Hi.

14. Is the sky always brown like this?

15. Oh, uh, well, that's just... just the haze.

16. It burns off at sunset into a really beautiful violet.

17. - How beautiful, very beautiful. - Yeah,

18. it's really quite breathtaking.

19. - You have a cigarette? - No, not on me.

20. I, um, I don't, but I can work on that for you.

21. I can, uh, get you, uh, cigarettes.

22. - No problem. - We're just so excited to have your circus here.

23. Okay, it looks like a position has become available

24. in a traveling Russian circus. Okay?

25. You'd be filling in for one of the clowns

26. while the show is in town.

27. The guy on the phone was a little hard to understand,

28. but he was really impressed with your training.

29. I could tell.

30. Well, French clowning is highly regarded

31. outside the United States.

32. Yeah, uh, so anyway,

33. it'd be two weeks in the casino parking lot,

34. 16 performances, $500 each.

35. Whoa, I can work with that.

36. - Yeah. - In a parking lot?

37. This gig is legit, all right?

38. You've been paying your dues for a long time.

39. This could be a big moment in your life.

40. Hi, Christine, this is Ken from Denver.

41. - Sorry I missed you, but, uh, I wanted to... - Coming.

42. - just leave you... Hello? - Hello. Hello.

43. Hi, Christine. I was just leaving you a message.

44. Oh, I was listening to it. What a great voice you have.

45. You could do one of those Pixar movies.

46. You could play a sad lamp or a happy chair.

47. Well, I...

48. I guess I could.

49. I always wanted to play a mean crab.

50. So listen, I wanted to, uh... to run something by you.

51. Oh. Okay.

52. Well, I'm thinking about making a trip to Bakersfield.

53. Wow! That's terrific. Really?

54. Well, you know, with the, uh, Darla trial thing,

55. and, uh, spending all the late nights at the carpet store,

56. I just need a little rest and relaxation.

57. Well, I will be your guide.

58. I'll show you all around the city,

59. or we'll just sit and talk, or we'll...

60. go out and eat.

61. After the gastric sleeve procedure,

62. your stomach reduces to about 20 percent of its size.

63. We remove the portion of the stomach that makes you hungry.

64. Well, I have a guest coming in this week,

65. so could I get it done by Friday?

66. Oh, I'm... well, I'm afraid not.

67. Oh. Well, I heard about this pill

68. that if you took it, you pee out your fat.

69. I, um... I'm not aware of it.

70. You're not? Oh.

71. I would like to also mention that

72. we don't accept any insurance,

73. but we do have financing options.

74. Well, money's no problem for me,

75. I've come into a little nest egg.

76. - My mother died. - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

77. - Can you believe it? - I'm sorry.

78. So, would you like to schedule an... an appointment next month?

79. I would. The first Monday.

80. Be in this gig. Uh-huh.

81. Hello.

82. Hi.

83. Chip Baskets the clown.

84. Yes. Hi. Are you Mr., uh, Gasparov?

85. Gasparovs are long gone.

86. We're not family by blood, we...

87. family by trade.

88. Uh?

89. Nikolai.

90. I'll be the man who throws pies.

91. You'll be the man who takes pies in face.

92. Oh, good, good. That should be a good show, then.

93. Anybody know where the carpet king is?

94. - Is that you, sir? - That's me.

95. Welcome, I'm your driver.

96. - Hello. - Hi, Ken.

97. - Hi, Christine. - How are you?

98. I'm fine.

99. Ken, I wanted to let you know something.

100. I'm having a sleeve put on my stomach.

101. That's a big decision.

102. Well, this would be the before picture.

103. And then on the other side would be the after picture.

104. Where I'd be more healthy and...

105. Yeah, my, uh... my son-in-law did something like this.

106. This is a... a tricky procedure, Christine.

107. This is a lot to think about.

108. Well... I have been losing weight on my own.

109. I noticed.

110. Hi, Martha.

111. Oh, hi, Mrs. Baskets.

112. - How are you? - Great.

113. Martha, this is Ken.

114. - Hi. - Hi.

115. - That's the guy. - Oh. Hi.

116. I told her about us.

117. Martha and I are very good friends.

118. We tell each other everything.

119. - Well... - Well, sometimes, you know.

120. Anyway, Martha works here.

121. Yeah, I'm in auto insurance.

122. I started in returns, but I refused to unionize.

123. Oh, that's nice.

124. - Yeah. - Hey, Martha.

125. Have you talked to Chip?

126. You know, he's not charging that phone I got him.

127. Um, you know what?

128. Lately, I've found it's easiest to reach him in the flesh.

129. What is that, a riddle?

130. No, it just means in person.

131. Oh. Well, where would that be?

132. I think we can get through here, Christine.

133. Watch your step. I just stepped in some chicken shit.

134. - Oh, God. - Oh, God.

135. This place is hideous.

136. - Christine: Well, there's the chicken.

137. Oh, it's true.

138. Chip Baskets. What are you doing here?

139. You weren't supposed to see any of this.

140. I'm doing fine, Mom.

141. Oh, my God. Are you living here?

142. Yes, it's kind of a sublet.

143. What are you, a Billy goat?

144. Everything's okay. I just... I just...

145. Um, I didn't expect you to... see me like this.

146. It's okay.

147. Well, I didn't either.

148. I was just, uh...

149. inviting you to a dinner.

150. 'Cause Ken was in town. You remember Ken, don't you?

151. I do. Hi, Ken. How are you?

152. Hey, Chip. Stepped in chicken shit.

153. It's everywhere. It's everywhere.

154. Come on, Chip. Let's go back.

155. Come back to the house.

156. Mom, you cannot just come in here and fix this just like this.

157. Look, I know I'm a burden.

158. But you just gotta butt out.

159. Leave.

160. Please leave, Mom.

161. I'll be in the car, Ken.

162. Son, do not use that tone with your mother.

163. Try and get your act together.

164. Your mother loves you very much.

165. Chicken shit.

166. Sorry about the shoe smell.

167. Ken.

168. I just want my family to be a happy one.

169. I know what to do with my mother's money now.

170. This is my son, Dale.

171. Your mother told me you used to run a university.

172. Very impressive.

173. Well, thank you very much, yes.

174. I was in the education field.

175. I mean, the education industry is a...

176. is a dying industry.

177. - Is that so? - Yeah.

178. Anyway, this is Crystal and Sarah.

179. Crystal just graduated from middle school, whatever that is.

180. - Dale: Junior high. - Oh.

181. - Junior high school. - 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th.

182. - There it is. - Well, 8th...

183. Junior high when we were growing up.

184. Oh, Martha and Chip are here.

185. Hi. Sit down. Join us.

186. Hi, everyone.

187. I hope you enjoyed your meat.

188. It was very good.

189. Um, I really am glad you're all here.

190. The family has had quite a year.

191. First of all, Meemaw.

192. Hm. So sorry. We miss you, Meemaw.

193. Um, Chip spent some time behind bars.

194. And Dale spent some time at my house.

195. It's not a jail.

196. But now, I think some things have really become clear to me.

197. I have figured out what to do with Meemaw's money.

198. And it has to do with a little building

199. on the corner of Checkers and California.

200. It's an old Burger King restaurant.

201. And it'll make a lovely new Arby's franchise,

202. run by the Baskets family.

203. - What? - Yes.

204. - Dale: Are you serious? - It's a surprise.

205. Ohh.

206. Am I the only one gonna clap?

207. - Thank you, thank you. - That's great, Mom.

208. Dale, with your business acumen,

209. you'll be able to help us with the business side of it.

210. And the girls will have a summer job.

211. And Chip will add the toppings.

212. And I'll come by every once in a while.

213. I'll not only cut and curl the fries,

214. - but I'll fry them.

215. Curly fries for everyone. Give us some curly fries.

216. - Yes! - Oh, didn't that go well?

217. Was I... Move in a little, Martha, move in.

218. Ooh. Well, what do you think?

219. We have our own Arby's.

220. - Um... - Exciting.

221. Actually, I already have a job.

222. What is it?

223. Clowning again at...

224. the... the... a Russian clown.

225. - A Russian clown. - Yes, ma'am.

226. Well, does it have health insurance?

227. Workman's comp?

228. No, but it's the best thing I've had since the rodeo.

229. Oh, rodeo. See how that turned out.

230. Rodeo closed.

231. Oh, Ken, can you come here?

232. Chip's got a job.

233. Did you know anything about this?

234. Oh, well, what are you doing, Chip?

235. I'm a second lead clown in a Russian, uh, circus.

236. I like a good circus. Are there tigers?

237. There's, um, poodles from Moscow.

238. - Communist poodles? - Wow. That's wonderful.

239. How'd they get in the country?

240. We should go see that. What do you think, Christie?

241. - We could bring the whole family. - Yes, I like that idea.

242. - Will you go, Martha? - Sure, I'll go.

243. I guess we're going to the show, right, Ken?

244. Guess we're going to the show.

245. Again.

246. Again.

247. - I like your spirit.

248. Looking very good, my friend.

249. It's gotta be better.

250. This has to go really well,

251. or I'm gonna end up curling my mom's fries.

252. That's good for a day.

253. Hey, do you mind if I stick around,

254. and, you know, work out the kinks?

255. You work hard for an American.

256. But, yes. Take your time.

257. Oh, God, thank you for coming.

258. I haven't been to the circus in years.

259. Dale. Girls.

260. - Hi. - Mom.

261. Oh, come... Hat person.

262. Oh, I love hats.

263. Oh, my God. Can we get some hats?

264. - Mr. Baskets. - Me? Okay.

265. - All: Hey! - Man: Well, that's it.

266. - Ladies and gentlemen,

267. welcome to the Russian circus.

268. From the land of great Czars.

269. From the land of Sputnik.

270. From the land of Perestroika.

271. Enough with the history lesson, you Russian asshole.

272. Just get on with the show.

273. Dad.

274. And now, let the show...

275. begin!

276. - Vladimir: Ah, Nick.

277. Tell Baskets you're taking over.

278. - Who? - Baskets, American guy.

279. - Where's my wig? - Baskets.

280. Who is Basket? Who is Basket?

281. Look at that cute little dog.

282. Hey, guy.

283. You can go. I'm back.

284. Wait, what do you mean?

285. You're not needed anymore.

286. - Thank you. - Nobody told me that.

287. I am telling you, this is my act.

288. Yeah, hey, good job.

289. Hey, my... my family's here, it's really important.

290. Good. So they can drive you home. Get out.

291. - There he is. - That's Uncle Chip.

292. - Oh. - Oh God.

293. That's part of it? Is it?

294. What happened? What happened, my friend?

295. What happened? Huh?

296. I... I don't know. I mean...

297. - What? - The guy just came back there,

298. - and then took over. - It's not about the guy.

299. Vladimir is family. All right?

300. He was lost, now he find himself.

301. He return home.

302. But you, you stepped out of your role,

303. and you wanted to become a showboat.

304. Honestly, I wasn't showboating.

305. You American, you all want to be star, huh?

306. A star. You want... On the Hollywood Boulevard, you want a star, yeah?

307. You want a star on Hollywood Boulevard, that's what you want?

308. You want to eat at... at Planet Hollywood? Huh?

309. With Arnold Schwarzenegger?

310. - No. - Arnold Schwarzenegger.

311. - Steven Seagal? - No.

312. No! We don't eat! None of us don't eat Planet Hollywood.

313. You know what?

314. You're fired.

315. Whatever you... your president says.

316. Eh.

317. - Dale: There he is.

318. You did really good, Uncle Chip.

319. Thanks, you guys. Thank you.

320. That was great, Chip.

321. I really liked that part

322. where the guy pulled your pants off.

323. How about we should get out of here,

324. the... the Russians are a little bit pissed.

325. Oh, the Russians are always pissed.

326. I thought it was terrific.

327. And the seats were really good. We enjoyed it.

328. - Christine: Yeah. - Thank you, Ken.

329. My favorite part was when that guy, like,

330. did the thing with the chair,

331. and you fell on your dumb ass.

332. That was so funny.

333. It takes skill to fall on your ass.

334. Yeah. You played it perfectly,

335. like you didn't know what was going on.

336. Yeah, that was... that was kind of funny.

337. - Yeah. - Dale: I'm proud of you.

338. I don't think I've ever said that.

339. We're all proud of you.

340. Wow, thanks, Mom.

341. We should really get out of here, though.

342. Uh, the... the Russians are coming.

343. Oh. Okay.

344. That was neat, bro.

345. Come to Denver.

346. Let me take care of you.

347. I mean, this... this Arby's thing, that's...

348. that's real sweet,

349. but it's hard to run a business.

350. You don't want that headache.

351. Come sell carpets with me.

352. Hi, this is Christine Baskets,

353. and I'd like to...

354. cancel my franchise application for Bakersfield, California,

355. for an Arby's store.

356. Thank you.

357. It is a great piece of land,

358. and there's lots of parking spaces,

359. and every Tuesday they have a flea market in the parking lot.

360. Anyway, this is one of the dressing rooms.

361. This is the dressing room for the cowboys,

362. and they'd bring their ropes in,

363. and they would get ready, and, uh...

364. Yeah, this is where they did their thing.

365. Well, the electricity works.

366. - It does, doesn't it? - Yeah.

367. I like it. I think I'm gonna make an offer.

368. - You are? - Christine: Yes.

369. Oh, that's lovely.

370. Come with me, we're gonna go see the main arena.

371. It is amazing. It holds at least 6,000.

372. What a property.

373. Oh. How many bathrooms?

374. It has four.

375. Mom.

376. What are you doing?

377. What happened to all that Arby's talk you were so excited about?

378. Huh?

379. I changed my mind.

380. You're not thinking about buying this place, are you?

381. What do you think:

382. Baskets Family Rodeo?

383. Oh, God.

384. Mom, I'm just a performer.

385. I... you know, I'm not a business...

386. - person. - Dale: Well, I'll be handling the business.

387. Because I'm a business minded business man...

388. who means business.

389. Not that it's any of your business.

390. What?

391. So that's it.

392. Yipee-yi-oh-kai-ay, Basket family.

393. - We're building an empire.