1. You're not welcome here
in my home anymore.
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2. Get out.
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3. My daughters and I run a
carpeting business together.
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4. I find it fascinating,
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5. especially that you
have a family business.
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6. Let's take a look at this will,
shall we?
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7. She left everything to me.
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8. Have you ever made a sound financial
decision in your entire life?
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9. I never had a chance
to make any decision,
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10. but now I do.
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11. - Priyet.
- Oh, hey, privet.
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12. Um, hi, I'm Cheryl.
Welcome to Bakersfield.
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13. - Hi. Hello.
- Hi.
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14. Is the sky always brown like this?
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15. Oh, uh, well,
that's just... just the haze.
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16. It burns off at sunset into
a really beautiful violet.
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17. - How beautiful, very beautiful.
- Yeah,
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18. it's really quite breathtaking.
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19. - You have a cigarette?
- No, not on me.
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20. I, um, I don't,
but I can work on that for you.
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21. I can, uh, get you, uh, cigarettes.
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22. - No problem.
- We're just so excited to have your circus here.
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23. Okay, it looks like a
position has become available
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24. in a traveling Russian circus. Okay?
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25. You'd be filling in
for one of the clowns
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26. while the show is in town.
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27. The guy on the phone was a
little hard to understand,
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28. but he was really impressed
with your training.
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29. I could tell.
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30. Well, French clowning is highly regarded
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31. outside the United States.
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32. Yeah, uh, so anyway,
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33. it'd be two weeks in
the casino parking lot,
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34. 16 performances, $500 each.
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35. Whoa, I can work with that.
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36. - Yeah.
- In a parking lot?
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37. This gig is legit, all right?
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38. You've been paying your
dues for a long time.
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39. This could be a big moment in your life.
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40. Hi, Christine, this is Ken from Denver.
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41. - Sorry I missed you, but, uh, I wanted to...
- Coming.
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42. - just leave you... Hello?
- Hello. Hello.
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43. Hi, Christine.
I was just leaving you a message.
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44. Oh, I was listening to it.
What a great voice you have.
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45. You could do one of those Pixar movies.
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46. You could play a sad
lamp or a happy chair.
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47. Well, I...
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48. I guess I could.
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49. I always wanted to play a mean crab.
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50. So listen, I wanted to,
uh... to run something by you.
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51. Oh. Okay.
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52. Well, I'm thinking about
making a trip to Bakersfield.
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53. Wow! That's terrific. Really?
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54. Well, you know,
with the, uh, Darla trial thing,
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55. and, uh, spending all the late
nights at the carpet store,
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56. I just need a little
rest and relaxation.
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57. Well, I will be your guide.
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58. I'll show you all around the city,
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59. or we'll just sit and talk, or we'll...
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60. go out and eat.
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61. After the gastric sleeve procedure,
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62. your stomach reduces to
about 20 percent of its size.
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63. We remove the portion of the
stomach that makes you hungry.
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64. Well, I have a guest
coming in this week,
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65. so could I get it done by Friday?
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66. Oh, I'm... well, I'm afraid not.
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67. Oh. Well, I heard about this pill
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68. that if you took it,
you pee out your fat.
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69. I, um... I'm not aware of it.
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70. You're not? Oh.
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71. I would like to also mention that
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72. we don't accept any insurance,
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73. but we do have financing options.
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74. Well, money's no problem for me,
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75. I've come into a little nest egg.
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76. - My mother died.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
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77. - Can you believe it?
- I'm sorry.
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78. So, would you like to schedule an...
an appointment next month?
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79. I would. The first Monday.
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80. Be in this gig. Uh-huh.
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81. Hello.
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82. Hi.
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83. Chip Baskets the clown.
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84. Yes. Hi. Are you Mr., uh, Gasparov?
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85. Gasparovs are long gone.
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86. We're not family by blood, we...
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87. family by trade.
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88. Uh?
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89. Nikolai.
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90. I'll be the man who throws pies.
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91. You'll be the man who
takes pies in face.
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92. Oh, good, good.
That should be a good show, then.
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93. Anybody know where the carpet king is?
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94. - Is that you, sir?
- That's me.
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95. Welcome, I'm your driver.
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96. - Hello.
- Hi, Ken.
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97. - Hi, Christine.
- How are you?
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98. I'm fine.
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99. Ken, I wanted to let you know something.
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100. I'm having a sleeve put on my stomach.
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101. That's a big decision.
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102. Well, this would be the before picture.
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103. And then on the other side
would be the after picture.
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104. Where I'd be more healthy and...
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105. Yeah, my, uh...
my son-in-law did something like this.
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106. This is a... a tricky procedure,
Christine.
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107. This is a lot to think about.
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108. Well... I have been
losing weight on my own.
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109. I noticed.
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110. Hi, Martha.
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111. Oh, hi, Mrs. Baskets.
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112. - How are you?
- Great.
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113. Martha, this is Ken.
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114. - Hi.
- Hi.
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115. - That's the guy.
- Oh. Hi.
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116. I told her about us.
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117. Martha and I are very good friends.
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118. We tell each other everything.
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119. - Well...
- Well, sometimes, you know.
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120. Anyway, Martha works here.
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121. Yeah, I'm in auto insurance.
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122. I started in returns,
but I refused to unionize.
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123. Oh, that's nice.
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124. - Yeah.
- Hey, Martha.
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125. Have you talked to Chip?
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126. You know, he's not charging
that phone I got him.
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127. Um, you know what?
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128. Lately, I've found it's easiest
to reach him in the flesh.
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129. What is that, a riddle?
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130. No, it just means in person.
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131. Oh. Well, where would that be?
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132. I think we can get
through here, Christine.
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133. Watch your step.
I just stepped in some chicken shit.
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134. - Oh, God.
- Oh, God.
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135. This place is hideous.
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136. Well, there's the chicken.
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137. Oh, it's true.
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138. Chip Baskets. What are you doing here?
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139. You weren't supposed to see any of this.
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140. I'm doing fine, Mom.
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141. Oh, my God. Are you living here?
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142. Yes, it's kind of a sublet.
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143. What are you, a Billy goat?
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144. Everything's okay. I just... I just...
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145. Um, I didn't expect you to...
see me like this.
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146. It's okay.
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147. Well, I didn't either.
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148. I was just, uh...
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149. inviting you to a dinner.
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150. 'Cause Ken was in town.
You remember Ken, don't you?
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151. I do. Hi, Ken. How are you?
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152. Hey, Chip. Stepped in chicken shit.
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153. It's everywhere. It's everywhere.
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154. Come on, Chip. Let's go back.
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155. Come back to the house.
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156. Mom, you cannot just come in
here and fix this just like this.
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157. Look, I know I'm a burden.
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158. But you just gotta butt out.
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159. Leave.
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160. Please leave, Mom.
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161. I'll be in the car, Ken.
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162. Son, do not use that tone
with your mother.
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163. Try and get your act together.
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164. Your mother loves you very much.
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165. Chicken shit.
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166. Sorry about the shoe smell.
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167. Ken.
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168. I just want my family to be a happy one.
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169. I know what to do with
my mother's money now.
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170. This is my son, Dale.
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171. Your mother told me you
used to run a university.
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172. Very impressive.
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173. Well, thank you very much, yes.
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174. I was in the education field.
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175. I mean, the education industry is a...
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176. is a dying industry.
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177. - Is that so?
- Yeah.
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178. Anyway, this is Crystal and Sarah.
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179. Crystal just graduated from
middle school, whatever that is.
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180. - Junior high.
- Oh.
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181. - Junior high school.
- 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th.
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182. - There it is.
- Well, 8th...
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183. Junior high when we were growing up.
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184. Oh, Martha and Chip are here.
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185. Hi. Sit down. Join us.
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186. Hi, everyone.
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187. I hope you enjoyed your meat.
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188. It was very good.
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189. Um, I really am glad you're all here.
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190. The family has had quite a year.
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191. First of all, Meemaw.
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192. Hm. So sorry. We miss you, Meemaw.
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193. Um, Chip spent some time behind bars.
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194. And Dale spent some time at my house.
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195. It's not a jail.
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196. But now, I think some things
have really become clear to me.
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197. I have figured out what
to do with Meemaw's money.
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198. And it has to do with a little building
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199. on the corner of
Checkers and California.
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200. It's an old Burger King restaurant.
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201. And it'll make a lovely
new Arby's franchise,
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202. run by the Baskets family.
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203. - What?
- Yes.
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204. - Are you serious?
- It's a surprise.
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205. Ohh.
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206. Am I the only one gonna clap?
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207. - Thank you, thank you.
- That's great, Mom.
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208. Dale, with your business acumen,
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209. you'll be able to help us
with the business side of it.
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210. And the girls will have a summer job.
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211. And Chip will add the toppings.
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212. And I'll come by every once in a while.
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213. I'll not only cut and curl the fries,
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214. but I'll fry them.
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215. Curly fries for everyone.
Give us some curly fries.
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216. - Yes!
- Oh, didn't that go well?
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217. Was I... Move in a little,
Martha, move in.
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218. Ooh. Well, what do you think?
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219. We have our own Arby's.
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220. - Um...
- Exciting.
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221. Actually, I already have a job.
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222. What is it?
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223. Clowning again at...
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224. the... the... a Russian clown.
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225. - A Russian clown.
- Yes, ma'am.
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226. Well, does it have health insurance?
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227. Workman's comp?
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228. No, but it's the best thing
I've had since the rodeo.
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229. Oh, rodeo. See how that turned out.
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230. Rodeo closed.
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231. Oh, Ken, can you come here?
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232. Chip's got a job.
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233. Did you know anything about this?
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234. Oh, well, what are you doing, Chip?
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235. I'm a second lead clown
in a Russian, uh, circus.
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236. I like a good circus. Are there tigers?
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237. There's, um, poodles from Moscow.
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238. - Communist poodles?
- Wow. That's wonderful.
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239. How'd they get in the country?
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240. We should go see that.
What do you think, Christie?
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241. - We could bring the whole family.
- Yes, I like that idea.
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242. - Will you go, Martha?
- Sure, I'll go.
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243. I guess we're going to the show,
right, Ken?
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244. Guess we're going to the show.
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245. Again.
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246. Again.
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247. I like your spirit.
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248. Looking very good, my friend.
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249. It's gotta be better.
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250. This has to go really well,
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251. or I'm gonna end up
curling my mom's fries.
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252. That's good for a day.
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253. Hey, do you mind if I stick around,
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254. and, you know, work out the kinks?
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255. You work hard for an American.
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256. But, yes. Take your time.
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257. Oh, my God.
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258. Oh, God, thank you for coming.
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259. I haven't been
to the circus in years.
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260. Dale. Girls.
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261. - Hi.
- Mom.
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262. Oh, come... Hat person.
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263. Oh, I love hats.
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264. Oh, my God. Can we get some hats?
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265. - Mr. Baskets.
- Me? Okay.
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266. - Hey!
- Well, that's it.
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267. Ladies and gentlemen,
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268. welcome to the Russian circus.
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269. From the land of great Czars.
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270. From the land of Sputnik.
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271. From the land of Perestroika.
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272. Enough with the history lesson,
you Russian asshole.
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273. Just get on with the show.
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274. Dad.
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275. And now, let the show...
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276. begin!
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277. Ah, Nick.
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278. Tell Baskets you're taking over.
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279. - Who?
- Baskets, American guy.
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280. - Where's my wig?
- Baskets.
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281. Who is Basket? Who is Basket?
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282. Look at that cute little dog.
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283. Hey, guy.
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284. You can go. I'm back.
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285. Wait, what do you mean?
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286. You're not needed anymore.
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287. - Thank you.
- Nobody told me that.
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288. I am telling you, this is my act.
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289. Yeah, hey, good job.
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290. Hey, my... my family's here,
it's really important.
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291. Good. So they can drive you home.
Get out.
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292. - There he is.
- That's Uncle Chip.
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293. - Oh.
- Oh God.
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294. That's part of it? Is it?
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295. What happened? What happened, my friend?
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296. What happened? Huh?
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297. I... I don't know. I mean...
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298. - What?
- The guy just came back there,
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299. - and then took over.
- It's not about the guy.
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300. Vladimir is family. All right?
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301. He was lost, now he find himself.
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302. He return home.
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303. But you, you stepped out of your role,
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304. and you wanted to become a showboat.
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305. Honestly, I wasn't showboating.
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306. You American,
you all want to be star, huh?
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307. A star. You want... On the Hollywood
Boulevard, you want a star, yeah?
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308. You want a star on Hollywood Boulevard,
that's what you want?
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309. You want to eat at...
at Planet Hollywood? Huh?
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310. With Arnold Schwarzenegger?
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311. - No.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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312. - Steven Seagal?
- No.
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313. No! We don't eat! None of us
don't eat Planet Hollywood.
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314. You know what?
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315. You're fired.
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316. Whatever you... your president says.
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317. Eh.
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318. There he is.
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319. You did really good, Uncle Chip.
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320. Thanks, you guys. Thank you.
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321. That was great, Chip.
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322. I really liked that part
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323. where the guy pulled your pants off.
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324. How about we should get out of here,
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325. the... the Russians
are a little bit pissed.
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326. Oh, the Russians are always pissed.
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327. I thought it was terrific.
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328. And the seats were really good.
We enjoyed it.
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329. - Yeah.
- Thank you, Ken.
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330. My favorite part was
when that guy, like,
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331. did the thing with the chair,
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332. and you fell on your dumb ass.
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333. That was so funny.
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334. It takes skill to fall on your ass.
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335. Yeah. You played it perfectly,
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336. like you didn't know what was going on.
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337. Yeah, that was...
that was kind of funny.
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338. - Yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
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339. I don't think I've ever said that.
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340. We're all proud of you.
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341. Wow, thanks, Mom.
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342. We should really
get out of here, though.
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343. Uh, the... the Russians are coming.
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344. Oh. Okay.
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345. That was neat, bro.
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346. Come to Denver.
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347. Let me take care of you.
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348. I mean, this...
this Arby's thing, that's...
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349. that's real sweet,
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350. but it's hard to run a business.
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351. You don't want that headache.
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352. Come sell carpets with me.
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353. Hi, this is Christine Baskets,
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354. and I'd like to...
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355. cancel my franchise application
for Bakersfield, California,
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356. for an Arby's store.
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357. Thank you.
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358. It is a great piece of land,
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359. and there's lots of parking spaces,
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360. and every Tuesday they have
a flea market in the parking lot.
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361. Anyway, this is
one of the dressing rooms.
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362. This is the dressing
room for the cowboys,
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363. and they'd bring their ropes in,
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364. and they would get ready, and, uh...
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365. Yeah, this is where
they did their thing.
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366. Well, the electricity works.
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367. - It does, doesn't it?
- Yeah.
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368. I like it.
I think I'm gonna make an offer.
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369. - You are?
- Yes.
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370. Oh, that's lovely.
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371. Come with me,
we're gonna go see the main arena.
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372. It is amazing. It holds at least 6,000.
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373. What a property.
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374. Oh. How many bathrooms?
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375. It has four.
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376. Mom.
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377. What are you doing?
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378. What happened to all that Arby's talk
you were so excited about?
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379. Huh?
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380. I changed my mind.
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381. You're not thinking about
buying this place, are you?
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382. What do you think:
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383. Baskets Family Rodeo?
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384. Oh, God.
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385. Mom, I'm just a performer.
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386. I... you know, I'm not a business...
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387. - person.
- Well, I'll be handling the business.
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388. Because I'm a business
minded business man...
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389. who means business.
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390. Not that it's any of your business.
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391. What?
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392. So that's it.
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393. Yipee-yi-oh-kai-ay, Basket family.
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394. We're building an empire.
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