1. Penelope went back to
France. She left me.Copy !req
2. - I'm sorry.
- Hello?Copy !req
3. She doesn't understand
a sensitive boy like you,Copy !req
4. but I do, and I'm not gonna leave you.Copy !req
5. You did not scary me off, okay?Copy !req
6. - Well, what was it, then, what? I mean...
- It was your mother.Copy !req
7. I'm not as simple as
you think I am, dear.Copy !req
8. Take me to my mother's, please.Copy !req
9. Well, your mom shouldn't
have done that, Chip,Copy !req
10. but maybe it'll turn out to
be for the best, you know?Copy !req
11. When my ex-fiancé left, I
was really upset at first,Copy !req
12. but then it turned out I had
a lot more space in the closet,Copy !req
13. so it kind of worked out.Copy !req
14. Yeah, well, we didn't share a closet,
so your analogy doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
15. Get off me.Copy !req
16. Well, your mom probably just did itCopy !req
17. 'cause she cares about you.Copy !req
18. Martha, do me a favor.Copy !req
19. Never care about me, please.Copy !req
20. Oh. Maniac!Copy !req
21. This is my granddaughter.
Isn't she beautiful?Copy !req
22. Let me see that.Copy !req
23. She's 21 already. I can't believe it.Copy !req
24. My Cody is dating a 21-year-old.Copy !req
25. - Oh!Copy !req
26. - Yeah.
- And how's Chip?Copy !req
27. A little birdie told me he got married.Copy !req
28. Christine, you can tell us.Copy !req
29. Well, they parted ways recently.Copy !req
30. Oh, that's so, so sad.Copy !req
31. - Oh, it was mutual.
- Oh.Copy !req
32. And Chip is better off for it.Copy !req
33. Poor Chip. I mean, first his
father falls off a bridge,Copy !req
34. and now his wife falls
out of the marriage.Copy !req
35. My goodness, that's very sad.Copy !req
36. Well, girls. Who's ready for dessert?Copy !req
37. - Oh, me.Copy !req
38. - Everything just looks so good.
- I know, it's delicious.Copy !req
39. Oh... Did you make those cookies?Copy !req
40. Oh, Christine, get in here.Copy !req
41. I can honestly say, this is the
best zucchini cake I've ever had.Copy !req
42. - I mean, it's the only zucchini cake.Copy !req
43. Maggie, that was wonderful.
Thank you. I'm gonna head out.Copy !req
44. Oh, well, Christine, what are
you gonna do about your sugar pie?Copy !req
45. - Oh, you keep it.
- That's very sweet of you, dear,Copy !req
46. but nobody in this family would eat it.Copy !req
47. We're all off sugar right now,Copy !req
48. you know, with Shelly and
Michael's wedding coming up.Copy !req
49. Nobody in this family
would eat it.Copy !req
50. We're all off sugar right now.Copy !req
51. - Ugh!Copy !req
52. Thanks for the ride.Copy !req
53. We're evened up, Baskets.Copy !req
54. - See you at the rodeo.
- Bye, Chip. Good luck.Copy !req
55. Mom.Copy !req
56. Mom.Copy !req
57. Can I have a word...Copy !req
58. Mom, that's a weird place for a nap.
Mom, I need to ta...Copy !req
59. Mom.Copy !req
60. What is that?Copy !req
61. - What did you do to her?
- I didn't do anything, I just got home.Copy !req
62. Oh, please. You have
been causing her stressCopy !req
63. ever since you were a little twerp.Copy !req
64. Look, I'm on my way to a round
robin volleyball tournament in FresnoCopy !req
65. with Sarah. Okay?
I don't have time to handle this.Copy !req
66. - Well, you could forfeit.
- Oh, I could forfeit, could I?Copy !req
67. And just break the hearts of
all of these teenage girls.Copy !req
68. That's not my style, Chip. Okay? God, the
timing of this couldn't be any worse.Copy !req
69. Look, Mom's turning gray.Copy !req
70. Let's just take a breather for a second,
try to figure out what we're gonna do.Copy !req
71. Okay, one thing we're not gonna do,
we're not gonna call an ambulance, okay?Copy !req
72. Because Nicole's brother-in-law
was stuck with a $50,000 ambulance billCopy !req
73. - when his "cloritis" flared up.
- Um...Copy !req
74. - Chip...
- No, I don't know what to do.Copy !req
75. Good Lord, call a limousine,
that'd probably be cheaper.Copy !req
76. Get one of them stretch Hummers.
Probably gonna need it anyway,Copy !req
77. if you know what I mean.Copy !req
78. - Not to make fun of Mama's size.
- Okay, yeah, yeah. Um...Copy !req
79. Do not twerp this up. This is
my mom we're talkin' about here.Copy !req
80. - Do you understand me?Copy !req
81. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
82. I hate you, Mama.Copy !req
83. - Her name?
- Uh, Christine Roosevelt Baskets.Copy !req
84. - Age?
- Uh, good question. She was born in 1953.Copy !req
85. - Do the math...
- Does she have any allergies?Copy !req
86. Uh... I... I don't know.Copy !req
87. - My brother would know better.
- Okay. Is he older?Copy !req
88. Yes, he's older, by a day and a half.Copy !req
89. Okay.Copy !req
90. She's 63 years old.
Are you near my brother?Copy !req
91. Can you put him on the phone, please?Copy !req
92. - Your brother wants to talk to you.
- Oh, good. Yes, Dale?Copy !req
93. I guess we're following
Chip's plans now, huh?Copy !req
94. Just, uh, spending money Willy Νilly.
Like we've got it.Copy !req
95. You weren't here. You're off
at your softball tournament.Copy !req
96. Well, listen, do yourself a favor.
When Mama wakes up, if she does wake up,Copy !req
97. maybe explain to her why there's a lien
on her house and a boot on her car.Copy !req
98. Look, I tried to move her.Copy !req
99. I... I couldn't, she was... she
was kind of stuck in the kitchen,Copy !req
100. - and then...
- Sarah. Come here for a second.Copy !req
101. Chip, will you tell my
daughter that she has an uncleCopy !req
102. who is a selfish prick,Copy !req
103. and that he's the only one allowed
to have dreams in this family,Copy !req
104. and that she's not gonna be able
to go to the volleyball tournamentCopy !req
105. because of your attitude.
Are you able to tell her that, please?Copy !req
106. - Listen, I can do this.
- Okay.Copy !req
107. Tell Mama I said hi,
if she wakes up, okay?Copy !req
108. Okay. Hello?Copy !req
109. - What did Uncle Chip want to say?
- He just was goin' on and onCopy !req
110. about how he's ruining the family.Copy !req
111. - Okay.
- It's okay. Let's go!Copy !req
112. Lady Cowboys... Oh, they're off the bus.Copy !req
113. Okay.Copy !req
114. Your mother was living as
an undiagnosed diabetic.Copy !req
115. And somehow she was just maintaining
her levels without even knowing it.Copy !req
116. Until today, when she had
a hypoglycemic episode.Copy !req
117. Um, something caused her
blood sugar levels to crash,Copy !req
118. and she went into a diabetic coma.Copy !req
119. We now have her on a dextrose I.V.
trying to get her blood sugar back up.Copy !req
120. Usually, comas like this just last a few
days until things normalize, but, uh,Copy !req
121. you just never know.Copy !req
122. I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying
attention. Can you repeat that?Copy !req
123. Sure. Um, your mother was living
as an undiagnosed diabetic,Copy !req
124. - and she was maintaining...
- So it's basically bad news?Copy !req
125. Well, the good news
is that you called 911.Copy !req
126. You saved her life, so...Copy !req
127. - That's the good news, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
128. That's good news.Copy !req
129. It's a lot to process. Why
don't I just leave you be here.Copy !req
130. - Thank you, Doctor.
- Sure.Copy !req
131. Oh, Ma.Copy !req
132. Ma.Copy !req
133. Okay. I'm in.Copy !req
134. And... smells
a little weird in here.Copy !req
135. Oh, my God. Jelly beans.Copy !req
136. - Martha.
- Yes?Copy !req
137. Okay, listen, do me a favor.Copy !req
138. There is a framed photo of Cody
and Logan, Mom's in the middle.Copy !req
139. Can you bring that? I'm trying
to make it homier in here.Copy !req
140. Okay. Do you want me to bring
a picture of you and Dale, too?Copy !req
141. Yeah, maybe... maybe there's a
photo of us when we were still cute.Copy !req
142. About how far back would that be?Copy !req
143. The '70s. Early '70s.Copy !req
144. All right, so those
pictures, clothes, toothbrush,Copy !req
145. and then do you need pajamas
or do you sleep in the nude?Copy !req
146. Hi. Hello. Uh,
your door was open. Hello.Copy !req
147. Uh, howdy. Uh... uh...Copy !req
148. That's very dangerous. There's
a lot of crazy people out there.Copy !req
149. It's not safe to leave
your door open like that,Copy !req
150. but anyway, um, yeah, uh,
do you know Chip Baskets?Copy !req
151. - Yes.
- Okay, do... do you know if he's home?Copy !req
152. Uh, is he home?Copy !req
153. No, um, he's actually at the
hospital dealing with a coma.Copy !req
154. Okay. Okay. Hmm, yeah.Copy !req
155. All right. Do you...
do you know which bus lineCopy !req
156. that would... the
hospital would be off of?Copy !req
157. I... I'm a bus guy now, so...Copy !req
158. Um, I actually... I can drive you there.Copy !req
159. I just have to get a few
things and then head over.Copy !req
160. - Oh, great.
- So...Copy !req
161. - Okay.
- Oh, wow. Oh, you smell good.Copy !req
162. Okay. Sorry. Um, anyway...Copy !req
163. Whew. Um, yeah, okay,
but I have to let you knowCopy !req
164. I cannot chip in any money for gas.Copy !req
165. - That's totally okay.
- Awesome.Copy !req
166. - So, you ready?
- Okay, wait.Copy !req
167. Let's go.Copy !req
168. Okay, wait. Who are you?Copy !req
169. Let's go, Lady Cowboys, let's go!Copy !req
170. Sarah, look alive.
Look alive, look alive.Copy !req
171. Thank goodness. Hey, Mom.Copy !req
172. Chip's been driving me
crazy. What's going on?Copy !req
173. This is Chip, Dale.Copy !req
174. Well, talk fast because I got
a volleyball game I'm coaching.Copy !req
175. Let's go, number 4.
You're gonna have to bump it!Copy !req
176. I'm tired of sayin' it! Oh! J...Copy !req
177. - Go ahead. What were you sayin'?
- Mother is in a diabetic coma.Copy !req
178. She should wake up when her sugar
levels are more normal, okay?Copy !req
179. - They have an I.V. in her.
- Oh, that's B.S.!Copy !req
180. Okay, listen, I'm right
here at the hospital. Mom!Copy !req
181. - Mom!Copy !req
182. - See? Nothin'.
- Girls! Bump! Set!Copy !req
183. Spike! It's alphabetical.
It's easy to remember.Copy !req
184. Okay, I'm just thinkin',
I'm thinkin', I'm mulling it over.Copy !req
185. - You're mulling what over?
- Okay, here's what we're gonna do.Copy !req
186. We're gonna take her out of the hospital,
that's one thing we're gonna do,Copy !req
187. and we'll just take care of her at the
house, it'll be a lot cheaper. Okay?Copy !req
188. - Dale, that is a terrible idea. Okay?
- We're gonna get her home,Copy !req
189. we're gonna get her
comfortable, buy some pillows,Copy !req
190. everything like that, because
the hospital is draining us.Copy !req
191. - Time out!
- Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go. Bye.Copy !req
192. Look, I'm the one at the hospital.
I have things under contr...Copy !req
193. He hung up. Unbelievable.Copy !req
194. Mom!Copy !req
195. Mom.Copy !req
196. All right, ladies, this is game point.Copy !req
197. - Sarah, get that serve in, okay?Copy !req
198. - Coach, can I have a second?
- Make it quick.Copy !req
199. Hey, ladies, uh, I'm
Dale Baskets, chaperone,Copy !req
200. assistant head coach. Number 4,Copy !req
201. why are you spiking? Do you spike?Copy !req
202. You're too short to
spike. You're a bumper,Copy !req
203. you gotta bump like you mean it. Okay?Copy !req
204. She is a spiker. She's tall.Copy !req
205. You are a stump. Stumps bump. Period!Copy !req
206. Okay? So get out there
and bump like you mean it.Copy !req
207. Bump, bump, bump, bump it up! All right?Copy !req
208. - Go ahead, coach.
- Thank you.Copy !req
209. All right, ladies,
let's get back out there.Copy !req
210. Have fun. Okay? Bring it in.Copy !req
211. Victory on three. One, two, three...Copy !req
212. Victory!Copy !req
213. I can't hear you!Copy !req
214. Sarah, listen to me.Copy !req
215. Okay. None of this J.V. stuff.Copy !req
216. Do not go underhanded.
I want you to go...Copy !req
217. Okay? Do not disappoint me.Copy !req
218. Dad, you're gay.Copy !req
219. You're a gay.Copy !req
220. Let's go, Lady Cowboys.Copy !req
221. Okay, boys, first day of school.Copy !req
222. Dale, I'm counting on you.Copy !req
223. You watch out for Chip, now. He's gonna
need your help today. Love you.Copy !req
224. All right, come on, Sarah!Copy !req
225. - Yeah!Copy !req
226. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
227. Oh, my God! Lady Cowboys!Copy !req
228. Lady Cowboys,Copy !req
229. Lady Cowboys, Lady Cowboys.Copy !req
230. Good try, ladies. Nice game.Copy !req
231. You fought your hearts out. Good game.Copy !req
232. - Ya suck!
- Dale!Copy !req
233. Yeah.Copy !req
234. - Hey, Chip.
- Hey.Copy !req
235. The room looks really beautiful.Copy !req
236. Wow. Your friend looks very, very sick.Copy !req
237. - I'm sorry, who... Who are you?
- Hi. Uh, Kurt Wheeler.Copy !req
238. Kurt...Copy !req
239. Are you Chip?Copy !req
240. - Yes. Yes.
- Oh, cool.Copy !req
241. I have a package for you.Copy !req
242. Uh, a delivery.Copy !req
243. Could you open it right now? I mean,Copy !req
244. I love seeing what people get,
and their expression, it's so...Copy !req
245. These are, uh...Copy !req
246. Divorce papers from my wife.Copy !req
247. Oh, man.Copy !req
248. Sorry, I... I thought it was maybe
concert tickets or something like that.Copy !req
249. Uh, just not concert tickets, obviously,Copy !req
250. but she must have sent these
before this happened here.Copy !req
251. - That's my mother.
- Oh, this... This isn't your wife?Copy !req
252. - No... No.
- No. Oh, oh, okay.Copy !req
253. Um, if I could get you to sign this.Copy !req
254. It's, uh, just initial it,
sign it, any... it's good.Copy !req
255. Thanks.Copy !req
256. She drove me over here.
And it... it's, uh...Copy !req
257. 'Cause he can't...
he came to your mom's house.Copy !req
258. Right. Yes. I'm a bus guy, so,
you know, it's kind of, you know...Copy !req
259. Otherwise, this was not
gonna happen, you know, so...Copy !req
260. You can take that.Copy !req
261. Oh.Copy !req
262. Oh, wow. This is...Copy !req
263. I mean, I'm just a...Copy !req
264. I'm a... I'm a bus rider.Copy !req
265. You know, this really means a lot
to me, this is very nice of you.Copy !req
266. Um, I'm gonna go, but great balloons.Copy !req
267. Fantastic balloons. Thank you.Copy !req
268. Um, thanks for the ride. Thank you.Copy !req
269. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
270. I'm really sorry, Chip.Copy !req
271. About?Copy !req
272. Everything.Copy !req
273. - Girls, TVs off, laptops down.Copy !req
274. - Dad!
- Don't Dad me right now.Copy !req
275. We got volleyballin' to think about.Copy !req
276. That is tomorrow. Lot of
games. Get with it, all right?Copy !req
277. - Chaperone Dale comin' through.Copy !req
278. Go to bed, girls! That is the lamest dance
party I think I've ever seen in my life.Copy !req
279. If you see these
at the farmer's market,Copy !req
280. remember, they're very, very hot.Copy !req
281. Yeah, very, very, hot.Copy !req
282. God.Copy !req
283. Wh...Copy !req
284. Oh. Hey, guys.Copy !req
285. Oh, what up, Chip? It's
not too early, is it?Copy !req
286. - It's afternoon where we are.
- No, I'm up.Copy !req
287. How's Mom doing? I can't
believe she's in a coma.Copy !req
288. That's so crazy.Copy !req
289. - Yo, what up, Mom?
- Guys, she can't hear you.Copy !req
290. - You sure?
- Where are you guys? You're frozen.Copy !req
291. We're in Halifax. Opening up for
The Chemical Brothers tonight.Copy !req
292. - Oh, really? Cool.
- Yeah, we...Copy !req
293. Let's go, Sarah!Copy !req
294. - God.Copy !req
295. She stinks.Copy !req
296. Hey, Coach. If you want to
take Sarah out, that's fine.Copy !req
297. - She's obviously the weakest link.
- Dale. Stop.Copy !req
298. It's... I mean, it's game point, Coach.Copy !req
299. It's okay to lose
gracefully. Just calm down.Copy !req
300. - Okay.
- Okay. Fine.Copy !req
301. - No! You can't hit the ball, man.Copy !req
302. - I didn't.
- Stop! Yes, you did!Copy !req
303. - No, I didn't.
- We all saw you!Copy !req
304. - Saw me do what?
- Hit the ball!Copy !req
305. I didn't hit the ball,
I'm just the coach.Copy !req
306. - I was just standin' here.
- You're not even a coach.Copy !req
307. You watch your mouth,
lady. Who is this lady?Copy !req
308. There's a lady on a girls' team.
There's a lady on the girls' team.Copy !req
309. Cheaters, cheaters, cheaters.Copy !req
310. - Dad.
- She's probably German, too.Copy !req
311. - With steroid use and such.
- He's a liar. We all saw it.Copy !req
312. Prove it! Prove it. Where's your proof?Copy !req
313. - He hit the ball in.Copy !req
314. Sorry for shooting it vertically.
I didn't know it was gonna be a thing.Copy !req
315. Let me see this.Copy !req
316. - No, I didn't.
- We all saw you.Copy !req
317. Oh, this is one of those apps
that'll turn anything into anything.Copy !req
318. This is bullshit.Copy !req
319. Sir, you need to think about the example
that you're setting for the girls.Copy !req
320. - Get out!
- You get out!Copy !req
321. You get...Copy !req
322. Just, uh...Copy !req
323. I'm just going through a lot of thingsCopy !req
324. right now in my life!Copy !req
325. And, uh...Copy !req
326. Sir, Ge... get... Get
off the... get out!Copy !req
327. You try to handle the
problems that I'm dealing with.Copy !req
328. Can you stop?Copy !req
329. Please?Copy !req
330. My mother is in a coma.Copy !req
331. And, uh, you know,
I'm doin' pretty well,Copy !req
332. you know, considering.Copy !req
333. So, uh, I'm gonna be fine,Copy !req
334. I'm sure she's gonna be fine and, uh...Copy !req
335. - Sarah, let's go. Sir... Excuse me.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
336. - No, no! Get out... give me my whistle.Copy !req
337. Hi, Chip.Copy !req
338. Hey, Mama.Copy !req
339. I brought you a Toblerone.Copy !req
340. She probably can't eat it right now.Copy !req
341. Of course, she can't
eat Toblerone right now.Copy !req
342. It's okay.Copy !req
343. Seems stupid to
bring a Toblerone in here.Copy !req
344. It's okay.Copy !req
345. How'd the tournament go?Copy !req
346. Well, I cheated.Copy !req
347. The girls played their hearts out,
though, but I got ejected.Copy !req
348. She looks dead.Copy !req
349. She's not.Copy !req
350. Those fellas show up?Copy !req
351. No.Copy !req
352. That figures.Copy !req
353. Your adopted twins,
Mom. They're garbage.Copy !req
354. Okay?Copy !req
355. And we know that Dad didn't
fall off the bridge, he jumped.Copy !req
356. What are you talkin' about?Copy !req