1. Code blue CCUD!Copy !req
2. - I need a crash cart!
- Mom?Copy !req
3. Page Dr. Barnes for me.
Okay, call in the code.Copy !req
4. Mom!Copy !req
5. Okay, Jeepers.Copy !req
6. I mean, it's takin' forever
in there. Mama's probably dead.Copy !req
7. And the doctors are probably
gettin' their story straightCopy !req
8. to avoid a malpractice lawsuit.Copy !req
9. Dale, it's only been 45 minutes.Copy !req
10. The doctor said it
could take a few hours.Copy !req
11. Lord, please just...Copy !req
12. Get us through this so I
can get on with my life.Copy !req
13. Well, I think you're
both being really brave.Copy !req
14. I'm gonna go take a walk,Copy !req
15. go clear my head, get out of here.Copy !req
16. Who walks in California?Copy !req
17. I love Chip, but he can
be a dingleberry, can't he?Copy !req
18. I think he has a lot of good qualities.Copy !req
19. Well, he's got a nice head of hair.Copy !req
20. So do I.Copy !req
21. He's got nice eyes. And so do I.Copy !req
22. He's got a nice tush.Copy !req
23. So do I.Copy !req
24. You know we're twins.Copy !req
25. - Yeah.
- Identical.Copy !req
26. I did know that.Copy !req
27. Yeah, we share DNA. That's about it.Copy !req
28. It's stressful, isn't it, all this.Copy !req
29. This is the first time you
and I have been alone together.Copy !req
30. I could use a drink.Copy !req
31. - Hello?
- Penelope, hi, it's Chip.Copy !req
32. Chips. What do you want?Copy !req
33. I'm calling to let you know that, uh,Copy !req
34. Mom's not gonna meddle you
know, business anymore. So...Copy !req
35. What do you mean? You killed her?Copy !req
36. No! I mean kill her? No, I haven't.Copy !req
37. So, I was wondering, you knowCopy !req
38. should I come to... to France,Copy !req
39. do you want to come back to Bakersfield?Copy !req
40. You know, let's get this goin' again.Copy !req
41. I think we should get back together.Copy !req
42. Do... you should listen to your mother.Copy !req
43. I'm... I'm no good for people.Copy !req
44. I'm a messed up person, you know?Copy !req
45. I... I was a fantasy for you.Copy !req
46. And-and you were a fantasy for me,Copy !req
47. and an escape plan.Copy !req
48. You understand?Copy !req
49. It's... it's not real.Copy !req
50. Chips?Copy !req
51. Are you crying?Copy !req
52. Yes.Copy !req
53. Chips.Copy !req
54. Don't be sad, okay?Copy !req
55. You're not that kind of "cloon."Copy !req
56. I like your selection of grooves, Martha.Copy !req
57. Thanks, Dale.Copy !req
58. Mm, mm, I haven't heard
this one in a long time.Copy !req
59. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
60. - Dale, you're really different from Chip.Copy !req
61. I'm a live wire, ain't I?Copy !req
62. You are, kind of.Copy !req
63. Mm, mm. Oh, gosh, I love a mimosa.Copy !req
64. Here, have a sip of that.Copy !req
65. Okay.Copy !req
66. Let me take these.Copy !req
67. You look so much better
with your glasses off.Copy !req
68. Um, Dale are you, um,
putting out a sex vibe?Copy !req
69. Maybe a little bit.Copy !req
70. - Sure.
- Really?Copy !req
71. I thought you were married.Copy !req
72. Oh, Nicole.Copy !req
73. She's a pain in my butt.Copy !req
74. She doesn't understand me.Copy !req
75. She doesn't like me.Copy !req
76. - Really?
- Yes.Copy !req
77. You know I sleep in the car?Copy !req
78. In the driveway.Copy !req
79. I didn't know you slept in the car.Copy !req
80. It's true.Copy !req
81. - Well...
- I just want to take my mind offCopy !req
82. all this family business, you know.Copy !req
83. Mm-hm.Copy !req
84. And I think I know what
will take my mind off of it.Copy !req
85. Dale, um, what...Copy !req
86. - Martha, please.
- Dale, what...Copy !req
87. Let me just get inside your car, please.Copy !req
88. No Dale, stop! Stop!Copy !req
89. Look, if we are gonna do
this, let's do this right.Copy !req
90. Okay, let's take it slowCopy !req
91. - Martha: Yeah, that's it, Dale.
- Dale: Yep.Copy !req
92. - Martha: Right there.
- Dale: Yep!Copy !req
93. - Martha: Don't stop.
- Dale: Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.Copy !req
94. Ahh!Copy !req
95. Oh.Copy !req
96. Ah, I'm so dry.Copy !req
97. Surprise!Copy !req
98. Hi.Copy !req
99. Oh, surprise.Copy !req
100. Oh.Copy !req
101. Thanks for the warning.Copy !req
102. Go say hi to her.Copy !req
103. - Hi, Grandma.
- Oh, here you go, dear.Copy !req
104. Don't break those.Copy !req
105. Speech! Speech!Copy !req
106. Uh, well, comas are no fun.Copy !req
107. Cut. Hold on one second.
We gotta take that again.Copy !req
108. So sorry.Copy !req
109. Okay, and action.Copy !req
110. Uh, comas are no fun.Copy !req
111. And when you wake up, you
want to get a bucket list,Copy !req
112. even though I don't
like the word bucket.Copy !req
113. - So I want to do some things.Copy !req
114. I'm gonna look through a telescope.Copy !req
115. I'm gonna go down to Pixar and
watch 'em make one of those movies.Copy !req
116. And I'm gonna have some shark fin soupCopy !req
117. before all the sharks are gone.Copy !req
118. And, more importantly,Copy !req
119. I want us to take a
brand new family photo.Copy !req
120. Well, I could do that right now.Copy !req
121. I got a camera right in
front of my face, mama.Copy !req
122. Dale, we'll get it done
professionally, okay?Copy !req
123. Come on in. Come in,
please, I'm starving.Copy !req
124. Oh, hi, Mother.Copy !req
125. - Oh!Copy !req
126. - Dale?
- Hey, Martha.Copy !req
127. Turn around, that's really nice!Copy !req
128. Put those idiots down!Copy !req
129. Hey Dale!Copy !req
130. Everything is a fog, even
today, I was very foggy.Copy !req
131. This morning, couldn't figure
out the word for doughnuts.Copy !req
132. And you know I love doughnuts.Copy !req
133. That should be right at
the front of my brain.Copy !req
134. - Cake.
- Oh.Copy !req
135. And it's sugar free.Copy !req
136. Oh. Looks like cork.Copy !req
137. I think it's nuts.Copy !req
138. Yeah. Oh.Copy !req
139. Oh, is that my, uh...Copy !req
140. It's her diabetes alarm goin' off.Copy !req
141. - Yes.
- Oh, is it in your purse?Copy !req
142. Can you get the purse, please?Copy !req
143. I have to prick my finger.Copy !req
144. Here, Grandma.Copy !req
145. Oh, girls, you're a lifesaver.Copy !req
146. Chip, help me with this.Copy !req
147. Is she having a stroke?Copy !req
148. No, she's not having a stroke.Copy !req
149. - Christine: You should have a stroke.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
150. - Is this it?
- Grandma.Copy !req
151. - Oh, here it is.
- W... watch that.Copy !req
152. You might get a diabete.Copy !req
153. Now, how does it work?Copy !req
154. Martha, can you look at GoogleCopy !req
155. what we're supposed to do
with this pricker thing?Copy !req
156. Hey, guys, I'm gonna have
to close Skype for a minuteCopy !req
157. so that I can Google
something for your mom.Copy !req
158. Can you repeat that again?Copy !req
159. Is there a...Copy !req
160. is there a note
from a doctor or anything,Copy !req
161. or instructions? Is there instructions?Copy !req
162. I know, I'm gonna get up and get... ohh!Copy !req
163. Ohh!Copy !req
164. - Hey, Mom.
- Dale: What's goin' on here?Copy !req
165. - Mom, you want some, uh, mango drink?Copy !req
166. - What's goin' on here?
- Yes.Copy !req
167. What's the matter with you?Copy !req
168. I went up... I got up, I'm lightheaded.Copy !req
169. We are not going back to the hospital.Copy !req
170. I got it. I got it, got it.Copy !req
171. Just a little bit of... Here, Mom.Copy !req
172. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
173. - Mm.
- Big sips.Copy !req
174. - More. More, more, more.
- Take big, big sips.Copy !req
175. - Good, good, good.
- Good. Okay.Copy !req
176. - Here. Is that better?Copy !req
177. - Prick my finger, dear.
- I don't...Copy !req
178. I don't know if
she knows how to do that.Copy !req
179. I'm sorry I got diabetes, everyone.Copy !req
180. None of you know what you're doing.Copy !req
181. - Oww!
- Oh, god.Copy !req
182. - Sarah, what did you do?
- Ohh!Copy !req
183. God almighty, Sarah!Copy !req
184. - Grandma.
- I'm not sure I can go through that daily.Copy !req
185. - Ohh!
- Mom?Copy !req
186. - Are you okay?
- Oh, I'm sorry for everything, you guys.Copy !req
187. But I'm a diabetic.Copy !req
188. Just stick with me on this
until I get the hang of it.Copy !req
189. Roy green, home care
professional. Mm-hmm. Okay.Copy !req
190. I was raised by my grandmother,Copy !req
191. so I've been working with
the elderly my whole life.Copy !req
192. Oh, my goodness. Got your CNA
from Baskets career college.Copy !req
193. Yes, sir.Copy !req
194. Do I look familiar to you?Copy !req
195. Mumum...Copy !req
196. No only am I the bean, I'm a student.Copy !req
197. "And I'm also the
janitor." You're the guyCopy !req
198. - from the commercial, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
199. - I love that part, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
200. Well, you're hired.
You're... you're hired.Copy !req
201. I mean, this is fantastic.Copy !req
202. You're gonna love Mom. She's
a... she's a sweet lady.Copy !req
203. So we just need you for three months,Copy !req
204. just so she can get back on her feet.Copy !req
205. - How much is this gonna cost?
- Okay, well, it's 30 an hour.Copy !req
206. Or for live-in, it's a thousand a week.Copy !req
207. Jesus Christ! I'm in the
wrong business, I guess.Copy !req
208. Oh, that's a little...Copy !req
209. - I guess we could split it.
- I barely make any money.Copy !req
210. Yeah, he has no money. He's a...Copy !req
211. How much you get paid at the rodeo?Copy !req
212. - That's like 80 dollars a week.
- 80 dollars a week.Copy !req
213. Look, mama is a diabetic.Copy !req
214. She's not a "betic."Copy !req
215. There is "die" in there. She could die.Copy !req
216. And we can't handle this kind of thing.Copy !req
217. Roy here can help us, okay?Copy !req
218. We don't know what we're doing.Copy !req
219. I mean, she's gotta
be taken to the toilet.Copy !req
220. She's gotta be fed. You
take people to the toilet?Copy !req
221. - Yes. Sure.
- One and two? For numbers one and two?Copy !req
222. - Yeah.
- See? You can't do that.Copy !req
223. You can barely wipe your own butt.Copy !req
224. Look, this is a serious matter, Chip.Copy !req
225. 'Cause we need to employ Roy, okay?Copy !req
226. Because if she relies
on us, she's gonna die,Copy !req
227. and she's gonna take us with her.Copy !req
228. And I don't feel like
going to heaven right now.Copy !req
229. You're hired, and
we'll see you on Monday.Copy !req
230. Okay?Copy !req
231. It's time to grow up, okay?Copy !req
232. You need a real j-o-b,
and that spells "job."Copy !req
233. You understand?Copy !req
234. Hi, I'm Joseph Dunn,Copy !req
235. vice president of human resourcesCopy !req
236. here at Arby's.Copy !req
237. You've chosen a great career path.Copy !req
238. Welcome to the family.Copy !req
239. Yo, Chip?Copy !req
240. All we had was an XL.
That'll fit you, though, right?Copy !req
241. - Yeah. Thank you.
- All right, man.Copy !req
242. Suit up. We'll catch you out there.Copy !req
243. - Thanks, Arby.
- It's Jody.Copy !req
244. Christine, just
remember that if I'm not here,Copy !req
245. blue is in the morning,
and purple is at night.Copy !req
246. - Mama: I got it.
- Man: You got it.Copy !req
247. Oh, hey, are you Chip?Copy !req
248. - Or Dale?
- Where's Roy?Copy !req
249. This is Sebastian. He
used to be the nurseCopy !req
250. to the Chemical Brothers' mother.Copy !req
251. Guilty as charged. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
252. Now he's my nurse, and you don't
have to worry about a thing,Copy !req
253. because Logan and Cody are paying for
it out of their joint savings account.Copy !req
254. But I thought Dale and I were
taking care of the nursing situation.Copy !req
255. Well, that's very nice of
you, but you keep that money.Copy !req
256. You put that in a savings
or a checking account.Copy !req
257. You could have your
own personalized checks.Copy !req
258. I am so proud of you
for getting that job.Copy !req
259. And you look happier, too.Copy !req
260. Hey, Chip, buddy.Copy !req
261. I'm gonna move your mom
to the downstairs bedroom.Copy !req
262. It's gonna give her more freedom. Maybe
you can help me out with that Chip.Copy !req
263. Can I put this here?Copy !req
264. You know, I was their
coach. We went 25 and 0.Copy !req
265. Really? What a major record.Copy !req
266. They wanted us to quit one dayCopy !req
267. and forfeit the game,
'cause we had so many runs,Copy !req
268. - but I said no.Copy !req
269. Woo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
270. Hey, fellas! Hey, guys?Copy !req
271. Hey, boys!Copy !req
272. Be careful! My dad fell off that bridge!Copy !req
273. Yeah, he fell off!Copy !req
274. He jumped off of it, but...Copy !req
275. Martha, hi.Copy !req
276. Uh, what are you doing here?Copy !req
277. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?Copy !req
278. No. How did you get back here?Copy !req
279. Just got in. Just walked
right through the door.Copy !req
280. Why are you wearing that uniform?Copy !req
281. Oh, I had to get a day job to pay a
gentleman to help my mom take a dump.Copy !req
282. - Hmm.
- So, uh, that's what that's about.Copy !req
283. And, um, you know, I
was just driving around,Copy !req
284. and I wanted to know if you
needed a ride or anything.Copy !req
285. Um, well...Copy !req
286. I have my mom's car,Copy !req
287. if you want to just, I don't know,Copy !req
288. take a nice drive or...Copy !req
289. Um, well, I have my car here.Copy !req
290. It's not a competition.Copy !req
291. Just do it, Martha. Just come on.Copy !req
292. - Yeah, okay. All right.
- Yeah?Copy !req
293. - Yeah, let's go.
- Okay, let's go.Copy !req
294. I don't know, I think I'll like it.Copy !req
295. Get all the free lemonade I want.Copy !req
296. I can, you know,Copy !req
297. switch shifts with any of the fellas,Copy !req
298. which is convenient.Copy !req
299. Well, you know, the pay is...Copy !req
300. Nothing to really sneeze at.Copy !req
301. How was your day?Copy !req
302. Are you acting weird
because I had sex with Dale?Copy !req
303. I'm sorry,
Chip. I thought you knew.Copy !req
304. Martha told me that you found outCopy !req
305. about our little sex romp in the van.Copy !req
306. - Can I take your order?
- And you know, you're my brother,Copy !req
307. and I wanted to come to
you and let you know thatCopy !req
308. I love Martha, okay?Copy !req
309. - No, you don't.
- I do. I love her.Copy !req
310. I do. She makes me feel alive.Copy !req
311. - No, she doesn't.
- She does.Copy !req
312. And I don't care who knows it.Copy !req
313. I don't care who knows it, Arby's!Copy !req
314. She makes me feel alive!Copy !req
315. - Is there a problem here?
- Oh, just a ornery customer, sir.Copy !req
316. I'm trying to figure it out here.Copy !req
317. I found a dead sea
turtle in my curly fries.Copy !req
318. - That's not true, sir. That's not true.
- But it's okay.Copy !req
319. This young gentleman
helped me out. Very helpful.Copy !req
320. I don't know if you give
bonuses, but he deserves one.Copy !req
321. Unfortunately, we
don't actually give bonuses,Copy !req
322. but we do have a very
competitive wage increaseCopy !req
323. for employees who stick around.Copy !req
324. Oh, that's good to know.Copy !req
325. I'm crazy about her, okay?Copy !req
326. Because she excites me.Copy !req
327. She gets my loins craving for her loins.Copy !req
328. Do you understand what that's like?Copy !req
329. Look, Martha is my friend, okay?Copy !req
330. She was my friend first.
You stay away from her.Copy !req
331. I'm an artist too inside, you know that?Copy !req
332. I may be a little jealous
watching and you laugh.Copy !req
333. Running around with all kinds of womans.Copy !req
334. Going off to Europe, painting
your face up like a clown.Copy !req
335. That looks like fun.Copy !req
336. Do I look like I'm having fun here?Copy !req
337. You think I'm having funCopy !req
338. sitting at home being
world's greatest Dad?Copy !req
339. That's not any fun. So guess what.Copy !req
340. I'm moving in with you and mama.Copy !req
341. I'm afr... I'm afraid
you cannot do that.Copy !req
342. Dale, you cannot do that.Copy !req
343. I can. I'm going to.Copy !req
344. You know what? Joke's on youCopy !req
345. because Nicole and the
kids already kicked me out.Copy !req
346. It's my turn to be a twerp.Copy !req
347. I'll have the number 3 combo.Copy !req
348. Hello. You hear me? Number 3 combo.Copy !req
349. I was a
fantasy for you.Copy !req
350. - Dale: Mama is a diabetic. She could die.
- No!Copy !req
351. Are you acting weird
because I had sex with Dale?Copy !req
352. I am so proud
of you for getting that job.Copy !req
353. Okay. With tax, that's going to be 6.35.Copy !req
354. What's... what's this?Copy !req
355. Combo number 3.Copy !req
356. That's bullshit!Copy !req
357. No, it's combo number 3: Max roast beef.Copy !req
358. Yeah, that's what you asked for, right?Copy !req
359. You call this sandwich?Copy !req
360. What's going on, Chip?Copy !req
361. Look, I got a lot of family
issues going on right now.Copy !req
362. Okay? You probably want to fire me.Copy !req
363. No, man. You'll get used to it.Copy !req
364. Go ahead. Take the rest
of the day off, okay?Copy !req
365. You're Arby's family now, my man,Copy !req
366. and Arby takes care of his own.Copy !req
367. What about me?Copy !req
368. We'll go ahead and
get that taken care ofCopy !req
369. in just a second, man.Copy !req
370. Just go home, get cleaned upCopy !req
371. and get this all
straightened out, all right?Copy !req
372. Okay.Copy !req
373. Thanks, Arby.Copy !req
374. It's Jody.Copy !req
375. Yeah.Copy !req
376. This crap. This no combo 3.Copy !req
377. I'm really sorry about this, sir.Copy !req
378. This isn't a normal
representation of Arby's food.Copy !req
379. We'll go ahead and
get this taken care of.Copy !req
380. Uh, hold on. We're waiting for one more.Copy !req
381. I'm so sorry to hear about Nicole, you
know, it was never gonna work though.Copy !req
382. - She is practically from another planet!
- Where is Chip?Copy !req
383. He ain't gonna be here, like I asked.Copy !req
384. Flaked again.Copy !req
385. Well, you can't blame him.Copy !req
386. He's just like his father.Copy !req
387. Always flaking on the family.Copy !req
388. I'll tell you one thing.Copy !req
389. I'll never flake on the
family. That's for sure.Copy !req
390. It'll be good to have you home, Dale.Copy !req
391. Thank you. Mr. Photographer,Copy !req
392. will you go ahead and take the picture?Copy !req
393. Okay. And, uh, Mr. Photographer.Copy !req
394. I want to do something real quick.Copy !req
395. Just, uh, take a picture of me here.Copy !req
396. Okay, do that, Photoshop that imageCopy !req
397. and my image right there,
and I'll see you later. Okay?Copy !req
398. Hey, take a couple of singles, will you?Copy !req
399. Oh.Copy !req
400. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
401. Get me an apple, though.Copy !req
402. Throwing away a lot of
good cowboy hats there.Copy !req
403. Damn shame, isn't it?Copy !req
404. Got ourselves a cease and desist orderCopy !req
405. from the humane society.Copy !req
406. And I have to close up
shop, shut the rodeo down.Copy !req
407. Reckon I'll ride out
west, hold me up a train,Copy !req
408. get my ass all shot up,
die in a creek somewhere.Copy !req
409. Eddie, I'm a clown. I need this place.Copy !req
410. What am I going to do?Copy !req
411. Oh, hell, you'll be a clownCopy !req
412. whether this place is here or not.Copy !req
413. Yeah, that's part of the problem.Copy !req
414. Well, don't cry to
me. I ain't your daddy.Copy !req