1. Two number threes
with Diet Cokes?Copy !req
2. - Oh, yeah. Thanks.
- Sure.Copy !req
3. Could I have my change, please?Copy !req
4. Thank you so much.
Thank you.Copy !req
5. - Here's your burgers.
- Yeah. Please let me ride up front with you.Copy !req
6. - Here's your drink. Here's your change.
- Okay.Copy !req
7. Oh my god. Thanks.
Look, can I at leastCopy !req
8. - eat the sandwich before we take off?
- We gotta go.Copy !req
9. - No, no, no.
- Wait, the food is gonna fly all over the—Copy !req
10. We gotta go! Got big plans!Copy !req
11. Yeah, I just...Copy !req
12. I wanna make sure that
we fully understand, like,Copy !req
13. why Chloe decides to leave Zach.Copy !req
14. I think it's
pretty clear.Copy !req
15. Are you worried it'll appear
like we have an agenda?Copy !req
16. No, not an agenda.
Just, like,Copy !req
17. needs to be, like, complex
and gray, you know?Copy !req
18. And right now,
it just reads like...Copy !req
19. I don't know.
Like her dialogue is...Copy !req
20. People just don't talk
like that, you know?Copy !req
21. Like in perfectly
worded arguments.Copy !req
22. I would disagree
with that assumption.Copy !req
23. Her naiveté is a direct result
of the history of subjugationCopy !req
24. of women by
a draconian patriarchy.Copy !req
25. Right...Copy !req
26. Maybe we throw
a few "um's" in there?Copy !req
27. Oh my god...Copy !req
28. How do you know
to do all this?Copy !req
29. Writing? Oh!
It's easy.Copy !req
30. You know, you just, um...Copy !req
31. follow your instincts
and keep it honest.Copy !req
32. - You know, just like when you're acting.
- Yeah, I'm...Copy !req
33. I'm actually, like,
working on some personal stuff.Copy !req
34. Like, um, kind of a show.
It's like coming of age,Copy !req
35. but set in space.Copy !req
36. - I don't know, but...
- Sally!Copy !req
37. - Barry?
- Hey!Copy !req
38. Hi. I— Wait...Copy !req
39. I'm forgetting.
Did I ask you to come?Copy !req
40. No, I came on my own.Copy !req
41. - Oh... Hi!
- Hey!Copy !req
42. Hey. Listen,Copy !req
43. I know how to get CousineauCopy !req
44. over the murder
of his girlfriend.Copy !req
45. You cast him on your show.Copy !req
46. What...Copy !req
47. I... What? Wait, y—Copy !req
48. - You talked to Cousineau?
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
49. Yeah, and, um, you know,
he's still pretty fucked up,Copy !req
50. but I think getting his,
um, you know,Copy !req
51. career back on track will make
him a little less fucked upCopy !req
52. and give him a purpose.Copy !req
53. Oh, that's so sweet.Copy !req
54. But we threw his name out for
a part and casting said no.Copy !req
55. I think the direct quote was,
"life's too short."Copy !req
56. Well, wait, aren't you the boss?
Can't you override that?Copy !req
57. Yeah, I am the boss,
which is why I need to trustCopy !req
58. that I hired smart people,Copy !req
59. and casting said
he's a shitshow. So...Copy !req
60. - He's not a shitshow.
- Yeah, I know. Look,Copy !req
61. I was as surprised as you are,Copy !req
62. but the town wants
nothing to do with him.Copy !req
63. He's made his bed, so...Copy !req
64. Hey, you know, I'm kind of in
the middle of something here,Copy !req
65. so can we talk
about this at home?Copy !req
66. He's in a lot of pain.Copy !req
67. Yeah. No,
I am sorry to hear that.Copy !req
68. - No, you're not.
- What?Copy !req
69. If you actually felt that way,
you'd do something about it,Copy !req
70. but you're not doing
anything about it.Copy !req
71. So now, I have to do
something about it.Copy !req
72. I came here for your help,
and you're not giving it to me.Copy !req
73. Are you okay?
'Cause you seem
a little manic.Copy !req
74. - I'm worried about him.
- So am I.Copy !req
75. Which is why I tried
to get him on my show.Copy !req
76. We're saying the same thing.Copy !req
77. We are not saying
the same thing!Copy !req
78. We are not
saying the same thing!Copy !req
79. If I don't do this,
I don't live!Copy !req
80. I have to do this
to fucking live!Copy !req
81. Don't fucking laugh at me!Copy !req
82. My whole life!
My whole... fucking life!Copy !req
83. - Barry...
- I need you to do this for me now!Copy !req
84. Now!Copy !req
85. Do it.Copy !req
86. - Okay. I see... you're very upset right now.
- Do it!Copy !req
87. Look, I-I-I'm sorry.
I tried, and...Copy !req
88. - I... I can't.
- Shit.Copy !req
89. - Hello?
- Hey-hey.Copy !req
90. Are you around to meet up?Copy !req
91. Yes. Um...Copy !req
92. - What time were you thinking?
- Now!Copy !req
93. NoHo Hank
Right. Duh.Copy !req
94. You know, I really wish you
would trust one of my guysCopy !req
95. to bring you these
heroin plants,Copy !req
96. but since I'm the only
one you trust,Copy !req
97. you know? Just...Copy !req
98. - sucks that you live all the way in Calabasas.
- Girls: Hi!Copy !req
99. - I mean, that is a drive.
- Say I live in the Redlands.Copy !req
100. Redlands?Copy !req
101. Fuck me!Copy !req
102. Wow.Copy !req
103. I am so fucked today.Copy !req
104. I will not be coming back
to this office anytime soon.Copy !req
105. Okay. I'll see you later.Copy !req
106. - Are you selling limonada?
- Girls: Yeah.Copy !req
107. - Oh, how much?
- Both: One dollar!Copy !req
108. Fantastic. I'll take two.Copy !req
109. Don't pull on the door!Copy !req
110. Let me unlock first!Copy !req
111. Pendejo.Copy !req
112. - Mi yerno.
- Suegro.Copy !req
113. Did you just come all
the way from Bolivia?Copy !req
114. Yes.Copy !req
115. But, not in this.
It's a rental.Copy !req
116. We flew.Copy !req
117. Gene Cousineau
Barry? Barry,Copy !req
118. I've been in this trunk
way too long.Copy !req
119. I can't feel my legs!
A-and, you might not know this,Copy !req
120. but that is definitely
a stroke symptom!Copy !req
121. - You're going to have to relax.
- Gene: What are you doing?Copy !req
122. Plan A didn't work,
so I'm gonna have to do plan B.Copy !req
123. Do you even know
what the plan is?Copy !req
124. I don't know what the plan is!Copy !req
125. Look, I'm trying to fucking
help you, man, alright?Copy !req
126. - So, just shut up!
- Guard: Where you going?Copy !req
127. Uh, Allison Jones' office,
please.Copy !req
128. We were all just a little
confused though. I mean,Copy !req
129. you read for "Swim Instructors,"
you were really good.Copy !req
130. We liked you. Jay liked you.Copy !req
131. - Who?
- Jay.Copy !req
132. The director.Copy !req
133. - Oh, Jay Roach. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
134. But then, um,
we couldn't find you.Copy !req
135. You didn't return any calls,
and we left messages.Copy !req
136. - We left word, we couldn't— You never called us back.
- Right.Copy !req
137. - No, uh, something came up.
- Right. Well, it's cast now.Copy !req
138. They went with Adam DeVine
and Josh Gad.Copy !req
139. Two short guys. Never,
ever, ever going to work.Copy !req
140. Not funny. I don't know
why they think it is.Copy !req
141. - Right... Well, it's, um, I'm not really here for me.
- Yeah.Copy !req
142. Uh, I was wondering
if you could, um,Copy !req
143. - get my acting teacher some work.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
144. Uh, his name is Gene Cousineau.
He's been around—Copy !req
145. Oh, Gene Cousineau's
a fucking asshole.Copy !req
146. I won't have anything
to do with him.Copy !req
147. He was awful to me.
No, thank you.Copy !req
148. But, you know what?
I like your intensity.Copy !req
149. You kind of have,
like, a not-present
Joaquin Phoenix thing.Copy !req
150. - Huh.
- We might have something for you, actually,Copy !req
151. that you could be right for.
On the show
"Laws Of Humanity,"Copy !req
152. there's a great role,
Mr. Millaway.Copy !req
153. Can you come back at 6:00
and read for that?Copy !req
154. - Me?
- Yeah.Copy !req
155. 6:00. Different office.Copy !req
156. Good role.
I think you'd be great for it.
Yeah. Last slot.Copy !req
157. Cristobal!Copy !req
158. Drink with me. Come on.Copy !req
159. This Airbnb is fantastic.Copy !req
160. They're fun, no?Copy !req
161. Y-yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
162. Stop being so much fun!Copy !req
163. Uh, did Elena send you?Copy !req
164. My daughter misses her husband.Copy !req
165. And the niños,Copy !req
166. they...Copy !req
167. they need their daddy.Copy !req
168. I know you've had a hard time
establishing a foothold in LA.Copy !req
169. Minor setback.Copy !req
170. Chechens seem to be
a major setback.Copy !req
171. But not to worry.Copy !req
172. The cavalry is here.Copy !req
173. We will take them out.
Blood for blood.Copy !req
174. The sooner we can wipe out
these Russian farmers,Copy !req
175. the sooner we establish
our business.Copy !req
176. And you can go back home!Copy !req
177. Blood for blood.Copy !req
178. Assistant Director:
Sally? Action on rehearsal.Copy !req
179. Sally, action on rehearsal.Copy !req
180. Oh. Um...Copy !req
181. You need to get out of this.
I think I'll...Copy !req
182. I think we'll cross this way,
if that's not totally weird.Copy !req
183. Um... Sorry. Yeah.
You need to get out of this.Copy !req
184. But, he apologized.Copy !req
185. That's why you're staying
in it, for the apology.Copy !req
186. - That's not a thing.
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
187. I did it with your father,Copy !req
188. and it was a pattern
I fell into.Copy !req
189. It took me years to
break it, but I did.Copy !req
190. And I just don't want...Copy !req
191. Fuck! What's my line?Copy !req
192. I don't want you to
make the same mistakes.Copy !req
193. Yeah, we gotta
change that.Copy !req
194. I just— I say that
to her constantly.Copy !req
195. - Alright, let's set this up. Cast can rest.
- Sally: Where's my script?Copy !req
196. Hey. Are, are you okay?Copy !req
197. Yeah. That was really scary.Copy !req
198. Yeah. Um,Copy !req
199. so, uh, we gotta
report that, right?Copy !req
200. Oh. Are you guys talking
about Sally's boyfriend?Copy !req
201. - I heard about that.
- Chloe: Yeah, we were there.Copy !req
202. It was, like, terrifying.Copy !req
203. Who do we talk to about this?Copy !req
204. Well, he doesn't work here,
so we can't report it to HR.Copy !req
205. Did he hit her?Copy !req
206. - No. Um...
- Did he threaten her?Copy !req
207. Uh, no.Copy !req
208. Did he throw anything?Copy !req
209. Well
he had her pinned up
against the wall,Copy !req
210. and he was yelling at her.Copy !req
211. There's really nothing
we can do about that.Copy !req
212. I mean, he's clearly
a violent person.Copy !req
213. They're adults,Copy !req
214. and I like my job.Copy !req
215. Sucks that you had to see tha—Copy !req
216. What, camera's ready?Copy !req
217. We're ready for you on set.Copy !req
218. Okay...Copy !req
219. Apologize...Copy !req
220. So, let me get
this straight.Copy !req
221. You went in to get me a part,
and you got yourself a part?Copy !req
222. It's an audition.
I'm reading Mr. Millaway.Copy !req
223. You're a lawyer.Copy !req
224. You seriously want me to
interpret the scene for you?Copy !req
225. Are you out of
your fuckin' mind?Copy !req
226. Oh, just let me go, Barry.
I'm not gonna tell anybody.Copy !req
227. - Wait, you wouldn't go to the cops?
- Of course not!Copy !req
228. You're a bad actor,
Mr. Cousineau.Copy !req
229. So, you're gonna hold me hostage
until you book me a part?Copy !req
230. That's not the way it works.Copy !req
231. We're talking about me here.
That could take years.Copy !req
232. Look, what I'm saying to you
is that your plan sucks.Copy !req
233. Look, I swearCopy !req
234. on Janice's soul,Copy !req
235. I will not say a wordCopy !req
236. - to anyone—
- It's either this or I kill you.Copy !req
237. You're one of
the good guys, Barry.Copy !req
238. You did a horrible thing.Copy !req
239. But I see your pain.Copy !req
240. It is the same pain that
you came to me with.Copy !req
241. Fresh out of the army.
A lost soul.Copy !req
242. No one to tell you your worth.Copy !req
243. I took you in.Copy !req
244. Not only did I teach you
to be a good actor,Copy !req
245. I taught you to be
a good human being.Copy !req
246. And this is how you repay me?Copy !req
247. By killing me?Copy !req
248. I love you, Mr. Cousineau.Copy !req
249. I appreciate that, Barry.Copy !req
250. Alright.
Well, look, we don't
have a lot of time. Uh,Copy !req
251. I was going through
my checklist in my head,Copy !req
252. and I think my guy's
issue is his ego.Copy !req
253. Like, he's one of
these big pharma guys.Copy !req
254. But, I think I can actually
make one of these guys likable.Copy !req
255. Hi.Copy !req
256. No, I'm just leaving.
Literally the worst date.Copy !req
257. I'm not exaggerating this time. Okay.Copy !req
258. He ordered milk with dinner.
He— Oh my—Copy !req
259. This thing has
14 cup holders.Copy !req
260. I counted.Copy !req
261. Madness.Copy !req
262. chatter continues)Copy !req
263. Apaga la luce.Copy !req
264. Gangster
There's no one here.Copy !req
265. Como que no one?Copy !req
266. - Seguro?
- Nada.Copy !req
267. - Look at the dinosaur! Look!
- Look! Dinosaur! Look!Copy !req
268. Dinosaur!
"Jurassic Park"!Copy !req
269. - Holy shit! Jimmy Kimmel!
- Where?Copy !req
270. - Right there!
- Yeah, Batir,Copy !req
271. that's where they do
the Jimmy Kimmel.Copy !req
272. - "The Man Show" does not age well.
- Ah!Copy !req
273. No. Not a carbonara.
That's too fancy.Copy !req
274. Just, like,
a regular spaghetti.Copy !req
275. I mean, do you guys
have a kids menu?Copy !req
276. - Sally, Lindsay's in your office.
- What? Lindsay?Copy !req
277. - Wait. What? Did she say what for?
- Didn't say.Copy !req
278. - She's here.
- Oh. Okay. She just walked in. I'll give her the lowdown.Copy !req
279. - Hey. What's up?
- Lindsay: Hey. That was Casey over at Diane's office.Copy !req
280. - We have a situation.
- Ah...Copy !req
281. Apparently, there's
another show like yours.Copy !req
282. - What?
- It's called "Pam!" With an exclamation mark.Copy !req
283. So, it's kinda
more like... Pam!Copy !req
284. - Who's in it?
- Lindsay: Alexis Kaplan.Copy !req
285. - She's a stand-up comedian.
- Who's that?Copy !req
286. - She is hysterical.
- Yeah. In the show, she plays a womanCopy !req
287. who escapes an abusive relationshipCopy !req
288. - and has a daughter.
- Natalie: Wait, look at the glass!Copy !req
289. - It's so big!
- It's cute.Copy !req
290. She loves to drink.Copy !req
291. That's a show about abuse?Copy !req
292. You're mad? You're mad.Copy !req
293. So, Diane wants
to get ahead of it,Copy !req
294. so they're pulling
your release date up.Copy !req
295. - What? To when?
- Yeah. End of the week.Copy !req
296. Exciting! It's so exciting!Copy !req
297. I-I don't know how
I feel about this.Copy !req
298. So, we'll do
the premiere Thursday,Copy !req
299. and you have to do
a press junket.Copy !req
300. - When?
- Tomorrow.Copy !req
301. - It's happening tomorrow?
- So, let's sit down...Copy !req
302. - ... we can talk strategy.
- I gotta go pick up some spaghetti.Copy !req
303. We do— We should talk
about it right nowCopy !req
304. - because it is tomorrow.
- Natalie: But she needs to get spaghetti.Copy !req
305. Be right back!Copy !req
306. Apologize? Are you nuts?Copy !req
307. I'm not the type of man
to admit my wrongs.Copy !req
308. I've already paid the family.Copy !req
309. Casting Associate:
I need you to not only
look inside your wallet,Copy !req
310. but your soul.
It's part of the settlement.Copy !req
311. To apologize? What kind
of law practice is this?Copy !req
312. A law practice whose goal
is to eradicate meanness.Copy !req
313. Wait. That's you guys?Copy !req
314. - Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah. Thanks, Barry.Copy !req
315. Uh, when will
I know if I got it?Copy !req
316. Uh, work's tomorrow,
so soon.Copy !req
317. I really need this job.Copy !req
318. I know, everyone does.
We'll get back to you, okay?Copy !req
319. You have that part,
the sad old man whose wife dies,Copy !req
320. have you cast that yet?Copy !req
321. Doesn't have any lines.
That's just gonna be an extra.Copy !req
322. I need you to cast
my acting teacher.Copy !req
323. - There's a process here—
- His name is Gene Cousineau.Copy !req
324. Gene Cousineau?
That's your acting teacher?Copy !req
325. That the guy that
brought the loaded gunCopy !req
326. - to the "Full House" audition?
- Yeah.Copy !req
327. When Allison didn't cast
him on "Family Ties,"Copy !req
328. he called her
a donkey witch.Copy !req
329. Everybody deserves
a second chance.Copy !req
330. That's not how it works.Copy !req
331. When I met Mr. Cousineau...Copy !req
332. I was a lost soul.Copy !req
333. I was just out of the Marines.
I didn't have anybody.Copy !req
334. He didn't just
teach me how to...Copy !req
335. be a better actor, but...Copy !req
336. he taught me how to
be a human being.Copy !req
337. He saved my life.Copy !req
338. Oh my god.
Thank God you're okay.Copy !req
339. What the fuck is going on?
Who's Fernando?Copy !req
340. Why the fuck is Fernando
trying to kill us?Copy !req
341. - I mean—
- Fernando is the head of our family, Hank.Copy !req
342. He brought his elite soldiers.Copy !req
343. Las Aguilas.Copy !req
344. You don't stand a chance.
You need to run.Copy !req
345. Run?Copy !req
346. Come on, we don't
run away from anyone.Copy !req
347. - Let me talk to him, okay?
- Fuck, man,Copy !req
348. you're not listening
to me, Hank.Copy !req
349. You don't talk to him!
No one talks to him!Copy !req
350. You'll die.Copy !req
351. I couldn't handle that.Copy !req
352. Wait, like, are you
breaking up with me?Copy !req
353. Goodbye.Copy !req
354. Enriquito.Copy !req
355. Oh, you know,
me and Don Felder...Copy !req
356. especially the drums,
we wanted it to be very wet...Copy !req
357. Okay, okay, okay...Copy !req
358. Okay...Copy !req
359. "Connect to Bluetooth"?Copy !req
360. How the fuck do you do that?Copy !req
361. Barry? Hey.Copy !req
362. I got a part!Copy !req
363. Wh— For your controller?
No, no, I-I got you a new one.Copy !req
364. No! No, like a part
on a TV show!
"Laws of Humanity."Copy !req
365. Wait, what?Copy !req
366. Oh my god! That's, like...Copy !req
367. That's like a huge fucking show!Copy !req
368. Like, a real show! Congrats!Copy !req
369. Yeah, I got Cousineau
a part, too!Copy !req
370. Oh my god, so you did it.Copy !req
371. - How?
- I told Ben, the casting guy,Copy !req
372. our story,
and he was really moved.Copy !req
373. His exact words were,
"That is fucking cleanCopy !req
374. - and rad and beautiful, bro."
- Sally: Oh my god.Copy !req
375. I can't believe he said rad.
They never say stuff like that.Copy !req
376. That is just...
That is so wonderful,
Boo Bear. I mean,Copy !req
377. - we should— we should celebrate. Okay.
- Yeah, I'll be home soon.Copy !req
378. Yeah. Hey, listen. I, um...Copy !req
379. Uh, I texted you
a lot earlier.Copy !req
380. Oh, I haven't— I haven't
been near my phone.Copy !req
381. Oh, yeah. No, that's okay.
Um, I just, uh, I actually...Copy !req
382. I wanted to apologize. I...Copy !req
383. I was— I've just
been under so much stress,Copy !req
384. and then you came to my office,
and I was just thrown,Copy !req
385. - and I-I'm really sorry.
- Barry: Oh, it's okay.Copy !req
386. Okay.Copy !req
387. Uh... Wait, are you okay?Copy !req
388. Yeah.Copy !req
389. Okay.Copy !req
390. - Are you happy?
- Barry: Yeah. I gotta go.Copy !req
391. - Okay. I just— I really want you to be happy, okay?
- Barry: Okay, byeee!Copy !req
392. Okay. I love you! Love you.Copy !req
393. Mr. Cousineau! Guess what?Copy !req
394. Ho... Ho!Copy !req
395. I-I did not see this coming.Copy !req
396. I felt like things were
going really well.Copy !req
397. I just...Copy !req
398. I don't understand why you
don't want to be with me.Copy !req
399. I mean, it's been
five amazing years.Copy !req
400. I'm working on myself and you
seem to be appreciating that.Copy !req
401. No? I mean, I don't understand
why you're leaving me.Copy !req
402. You have too many dogs.Copy !req
403. - Who?
- You!Copy !req
404. - Me?
- Yes!Copy !req
405. Shit.Copy !req
406. Fuck.Copy !req
407. Excuse me, little girl,
I really need your help.Copy !req
408. Oh my god. Are you okay?Copy !req
409. I'm being chased by a man
who killed my girlfriend.Copy !req
410. - Oh my god.
- Yeah, and now,Copy !req
411. he's trying to make up for it
by getting me a job
on a TV show.Copy !req
412. Right...Copy !req
413. I don't have my phone.Copy !req
414. Could you please call me
an internet taxi?Copy !req
415. Is that your dog?Copy !req
416. Oh, no. That's just one
of the 30 that mauled me.Copy !req
417. Mm-hmm. Uh...Copy !req
418. Okay. It looks like there's
one right around the corner.Copy !req
419. You are an angel!Copy !req
420. Okay. Good luck.Copy !req
421. No, no, no!
Please, don't leave me.
I can't be alone.Copy !req
422. - No, I have to go to work.
- I-I'm a good person.Copy !req
423. I wanted to live.Copy !req
424. So, I ate his sandwiches
in the trunk.Copy !req
425. - Oh! That's your car. That one.
- Yeah?Copy !req
426. - L-Leo!
- Jesus, Dad, what happened to you?Copy !req
427. - Call the police.
- W-what do you mean?Copy !req
428. - No, no, no. Listen to me!
- Gordon: Oh my god, a doggy!Copy !req
429. - I want you to—
- Leo: Barry, here's your tea.Copy !req
430. Oh, Dad,
you like you got, like,Copy !req
431. hit by a bus.Copy !req
432. Something... Something
happen to you two?Copy !req
433. No, your dad was helping me
with an audition,Copy !req
434. and we both, uh, committed
a little too hard.Copy !req
435. Uh, you said something
about the police?Copy !req
436. No.Copy !req
437. Okay, cool.Copy !req
438. I told that casting
director our story,Copy !req
439. and he was so moved...Copy !req
440. that he gave us both parts.Copy !req
441. So, you're going to enjoyCopy !req
442. everything that comesCopy !req
443. with being given
a second chance.Copy !req
444. Because if you don't...Copy !req
445. this one...Copy !req
446. and that one...Copy !req
447. go away.Copy !req
448. Do you understand?Copy !req
449. I love you, Mr. Cousineau.Copy !req
450. Do you love me?Copy !req
451. Can you say it?Copy !req
452. I love you, Barry.Copy !req
453. Can you say it again?Copy !req