Barry 2x8

1. What do you think? They ready?

2. As ready as they're ever gonna be.

3. Slate is clean. Okay?

4. You owe me nothing.

5. Are you fuckin' serious?

6. This piece that I'm doing for class,

7. it's not a character. It's me.

8. What if I get it wrong?

9. The whole place is yours.

10. Wow.

11. Hey guys, since we're all about to die,

12. I have to be honest about something.

13. I'm nice. Polite.

14. - I'm optometrist by nature. - (GUN FIRES)

15. Guys. Is this about what I said on bus?

16. Because... I was delegating.

17. I'm headed up to my cabin.

18. This private detective approached me.

19. - Barry. - Ah.

20. My name is Gene Cousineau. I killed Detective Janice Moss.

21. Sit down.

22. Sit down!

23. So, you talked to this Goulet character?

24. Yes.

25. And while you were in the woods,

26. you heard the sirens that brought you to the car?

27. Yes.

28. The car that we couldn't find

29. even after scouring the woods for a month?

30. Is Mr. Cousineau okay?

31. You know what I thought the first time I met you?

32. I thought, wow, this Barry guy really cares about his teacher.

33. You were almost... protective of him.

34. We're not making this Goulet guy up.

35. I want to believe you.

36. Because lying to a police officer during an investigation

37. is a crime.

38. But... (scoffs) there's no evidence to suggest

39. that anyone was up in the woods with you other than your teacher.

40. Okay. You're free to go.

41. Can I see Mr. Cousineau?

42. Oh, no. We think he killed his girlfriend,

43. so he's staying here with us.

44. Fuches (over phone): Yeah, you've reached Comtel Industries.

45. - Why don't you go ahead and leave a message. - (voice mail beeps)

46. Fuches...

47. I'm coming for you.

48. You're a fucking dead man.

49. I would like to welcome you guys to your new home!

50. - (men speaking Chechen) - Which I got for you. You're welcome.

51. Oh, this place is great, isn't it?

52. It's like Enter Dragon. Am I right?

53. Wow, need to get rid of this, though.

54. I mean, what an eyesore. What is that for even?

55. Anyway, heroin gets here in T-minus five hours.

56. - So, we're— Guys? - (doors slamming)

57. Hey! Know what we need?

58. Um, table to put the heroin on.

59. Fuck, that is such a great idea.

60. I'm going to buy one, put it right here.

61. Heroin table, that's got to be a thing, right?

62. So, I'm on your website right now.

63. Beautiful furniture, by the way.

64. And I'm seeing dining room tables,

65. I'm seeing coffee tables,

66. but not sure how to look for the table that I need.

67. No, it's for heroin.

68. About 30 kilos, give or take.

69. What I'm thinking is carved wood, stone top.

70. Marble maybe.

71. What I'm dealing with is an open floor plan,

72. - so it really needs to work on its own merit. - (phone beeping)

73. I'm sorry. Can you hang on one minute?

74. Thank you.

75. This is NoHo Hank.

76. (over phone): It's Batir. I just landed.

77. Batir, uh...

78. you're here in California?

79. I've come to replace you, Hank.

80. You're going home to Chechnya.

81. Is this open for discussion?

82. No. I am at Ontario Airport.

83. I am taking Super Shuttle to monastery.

84. They promised to drop me first.

85. They say 30 minutes.

86. NoHo Hank (over phone): My guys are fortifying this monastery

87. for when Bolivians and Burmese show up

88. to have massive firefight.

89. I don't even have time to order heroin table,

90. which is a thing on Pinterest but not on Amazon.

91. And now, Batir is coming.

92. I mean, he's coming from Ontario, so it'll take him like nine hours—

93. I can't have this conversation anymore, Hank.

94. NoHo Hank: My guys, they'll listen to you.

95. I need you to tell them that I am to be trusted. I'm losing them!

96. - There is suspiciously low level of eye contact going on. - (knocking at window)

97. Uh, tell them I am best leader, you know.

98. - We arm wrestle, maybe— - (door alarm beeps)

99. - How was your audition? - Oh. Uh, it was fine—

100. I'm really just asking. I don't need an answer.

101. Come on, we're in the middle of tech.

102. Wait. What is this place?

103. Do you have any idea where Gene is? No one can get a hold of him.

104. Oh, he's at his cabin, I think.

105. He-He'll be here. Whoa.

106. Natalie (through speaker): Okay, actors, if you're not in this scene,

107. just take a seat in the house.

108. Look at all the seats.

109. Yeah, Lindsay sold out the whole place.

110. She told people it was a "diversity showcase,"

111. and I think they were afraid not to RSVP.

112. - (feedback whines) - Natalie: Okay, everyone,

113. let's take it from the bottom of Jermaine's speech.

114. - Here we go, everyone. Here we go. - (feedback whines)

115. - Yeah, I know. I'm going to set it there. Thank you. - Natalie: Shh! Shh!

116. My dad was my hero, and then he disappeared.

117. My ma used to tell me that the reason I never saw him again

118. was because he got abducted by aliens.

119. - (lights click) - I actually believed that

120. till the day I saw him strung out,

121. begging for money, outside of a liquor store.

122. He didn't recognize me.

123. (chuckles) That's crazy, uh...

124. Uh, so I gave him some money

125. and never saw him again.

126. I don't know if he's dead or alive,

127. but I just hope he knows, wherever he is,

128. that he's still my hero.

129. Not even aliens could take that away from me.

130. - Natalie: That's beautiful, powerful. - Woo!

131. Great job. Okay, we got that. Let's move on to Nick.

132. Sasha, strike that.

133. Look, Barry, I was nervous too, okay?

134. But everybody's dropped the competitive grief bullshit,

135. and they're delivering honest and real work.

136. I mean, look what we inspired!

137. Nick, your vomit scene is up next.

138. Jesus, this place has a balcony.

139. Yes, there's a lot of fucking seats! Move on!

140. (sighs) Doors open in two hours,

141. I think we should start rehearsing.

142. - (Nick retching) - Louder, Nick, louder.

143. Okay, okay. Sorry, sorry. (heaving loudly)

144. We can't find this guy.

145. But we have a recording of a 911 call

146. where you confess to Moss's murder and threaten suicide.

147. It wasn't me.

148. But the call came from your phone,

149. and it sounds like you.

150. Mr. Cousineau, can you look at me?

151. Mm. You're in a bad place.

152. The guilt and remorse is weighing on you.

153. I get it.

154. You know what I think?

155. I think you called your student, Barry, to talk you out of it.

156. 'Cause you didn't want to go through with it.

157. Barry spoke to him.

158. I don't want to hear about this Goulet guy.

159. He doesn't exist.

160. What happened?

161. Gene, it's okay.

162. It's okay.

163. Did you fight?

164. Did she threaten to leave you

165. and you couldn't handle the rejection?

166. She was the love of my life.

167. Mr. Cousineau, please stand up.

168. You're under arrest for the murder of Janice Moss.

169. We'll arrange for a transport for you back to Los Angeles.

170. You'll be taken to a holding cell,

171. and you'll be given one phone call.

172. Stand up, please.

173. Impressive.

174. Looks like you got yourself an army.

175. - Fuches? - And I need an army.

176. Man (on phone): San Bernardino Sheriff's Department.

177. Deputy Wilson speaking.

178. Hi. Yeah, this is, uh, Barry Berkman.

179. - Yeah? - Uh, you said I could call you,

180. uh, with any updates on Mr. Cousineau.

181. Wilson (over phone): I said I'd call you with any updates.

182. Okay, guys, this show starts in two minutes.

183. - Well, how's he doing? - They just booked him.

184. You can try to see him in LA County tomorrow.

185. - They are moving him tonight. - They— they booked him?

186. Yeah.

187. Well, is-is, uh... is he okay?

188. See him tomorrow, Berkman.

189. Crewman (over radio): Copy that. We'll get on it.

190. Yeah, I think "fraught" is maybe the word I'm looking for.

191. - Yeah, that's not what I'm trying— Oh! - (phone chiming)

192. - Just, I got to— Yeah. - Oh, please.

193. - Hey, bud! - (whispers): Fuck you!

194. (chuckles) You know...

195. you could save your little acting teacher. You know that, right?

196. I'm going to fucking kill you, Fuches.

197. All you have to do is turn yourself in.

198. Give it all up for him.

199. Yeah?

200. Not so altruistic now, are you, motherfucker?

201. Now who's out of moves? Buh-bye.

202. Hey, everybody, bring it in. Bring it in. Woo!

203. And...

204. Go... Cousineau!

205. All right, places everyone. Places, places.

206. - Showtime! Hey. - Hi! Hi.

207. Showtime. Yeah. You feelin' good?

208. - Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. - Good. Yeah.

209. So everyone showed. The audience is packed.

210. Everyone is here. Oh, the Mikes are here.

211. Oh, so they got on board with the whole showcase idea?

212. Oh yeah, they're in, but... (stammers)

213. They don't know. They're...

214. They're as on board as they'll ever be.

215. (chuckling): Which is pretty on board.

216. - I'm not— I mean, you know... - No pressure.

217. No pressure, exactly. It's going to be...

218. So, um...

219. You feel good that we're doing this, though, right?

220. - Oh, me? I feel great that we're doing this! - (paper ripping)

221. I feel so good, because, at the end of the day,

222. you are telling your story.

223. You're the artist. I'm supporting the artist.

224. I brought all these people here because this is what you want to do.

225. And you're going to be great, and I believe in you.

226. Which is why we started this whole frickin' thing.

227. So, I'm excited. You're excited.

228. You're going to be great, and break a frickin' leg, Sally.

229. (inhales sharply) Okay, see you later.

230. - Natalie: Nick, Nick, you're up, let's go. - (breathes deeply)

231. This is not what her contract was supposed to say. These aren't the right details.

232. Sally's is last, so you guys are going to have to be patient.

233. - But... - (whispers): Oh, great.

234. - (audience murmuring) - Shh! Shh! Shh!

235. You know what was in the toilet?

236. It wasn't the vomit,

237. or the three-day old pizza I poured bleach on and still ate,

238. or even my made-up stomach issue.

239. It was me.

240. - It was me! - (Mike sputters)

241. Forgotten.

242. Remembered.

243. Forgotten.

244. I was the youngest of four gotten.

245. Forgotten.

246. Four got ten, nine, eight, seven, six!

247. Was the age when I was left at a garage sale.

248. - I mean, Jesus, Hank. They're all headed here now? - Yes.

249. What I need more than anything right now is Barry.

250. He is like crazy Chechen goon-whisperer.

251. That might be a bit tricky, Hank.

252. We had a minor falling out.

253. Oh, come on, you guys are like Fleetwood Mac.

254. You break up, you get back together again,

255. and then you go out and make a great album, like The Best of Fleetwood Mac.

256. This may be more final than that.

257. Which is why I need your guys to get my back, yes?

258. Yeah, well, day late and ruble short, I'm afraid.

259. They won't listen to me, man.

260. But they will listen to Barry.

261. Barry? Come on. I'm the guy that made Barry!

262. - They'll listen to me. - (door opens)

263. Hey, fellas! Come back here.

264. - (speaking Chechen) - Fuches: Guys. Guys!

265. NoHo Hank: Shit.

266. Also, I was thinking that—

267. Fuches?

268. Okay, guys, we're going to be in a war now.

269. - I'm so excited for you guys! - Hello!

270. You know, seems like you brought

271. a lot of people and guns

272. for a talk with friends.

273. Who is this?

274. Viejito loco.

275. - Yes. Muy triste. - (chuckles)

276. Is... Is he talking to us?

277. No, maybe— No, he's on the Bluetooth.

278. I can't— Is he on the Bluetooth?

279. Cristobal, buddy, wow!

280. Oh. Okay. I hear my name. He is talking to us.

281. NoHo Hank: I can't watch.

282. Cristobal. Esther. Nice to meet you.

283. You know, in America Esther's a woman's name.

284. Who the fuck are you?

285. Fuches. Monroe Fuches.

286. I'm, uh, Hank's representative.

287. Let's get to it.

288. You came here to kill us.

289. Okay. Murder.

290. (chuckles) I used to think people like you were the shit, man.

291. Bad-asses like yourself always fascinated me.

292. But-But doing it, you know,

293. actually pulling the trigger, ending a life...

294. Well, that takes someone with no soul.

295. Hank tried to criss-cross me.

296. You and Hank, you're in a... transitional phase, that's all.

297. You know, people meet and sometimes...

298. they lock into each other

299. like two long-sought-after pieces of a puzzle.

300. Now, as time goes on,

301. these pieces, they morph and they-they grow.

302. And they can grow together and become stronger.

303. Or...

304. they can become two completely different shapes that...

305. they don't have any room for each other, they don't fit anymore.

306. If there's one thing I've learned in my life,

307. you can't control what other people are going to do.

308. No. No.

309. They need their own space to...

310. become whatever weird-ass shape they're going to change into.

311. It's nature. You can't control it, but...

312. you can accept it.

313. And I think, you know,

314. you and Hank, that's still a fit, man.

315. - Cristobal: I'm so sorry, man. - Are you kidding me?

316. Are you kidding me? I tried to screw you over, man.

317. No, you only tried to kill Esther

318. because you cared about me.

319. Look, I love you, okay?

320. Can we just say that once and for all?

321. Look, I love you, man.

322. And I just think, with the heroin shipment

323. coming in and everything, you know...

324. we're sitting on a gold mine!

325. Te llamo mi corazon. My little papita.

326. Jesus Christ, easy, easy.

327. (laughs) You guys are like my cats.

328. I have to pour water on you.

329. Come on! Let's celebrate.

330. We can send somebody to Ralph's, get sandwiches.

331. And, you know, case of Rolling Rock, let's do it up!

332. Ugh, I'm sweating.

333. All right, you guys clearly don't get this so, to recap:

334. This...

335. was walking down this...

336. and it was seen by her.

337. Not— not actually her. This is not a photo of me.

338. I don't have any photos of myself from my childhood

339. because my uncle burnt down my house when my mum was still inside, but that's...

340. that is not relevant to this story, is it?

341. Okay, Lindsay seems really nervous.

342. What if the scene doesn't work?

343. Telling the truth is the right thing to do, right?

344. Barry?

345. Telling the truth is the right thing to do, right?

346. Barry!

347. Oh my God, are you okay?

348. Okay, it's time, guys.

349. (panting): Break legs.

350. (mutters): Fuck.

351. Hey, Barry, are you okay?

352. Come on. Are you okay?

353. (sighs) Fuck!

354. Barry, it's a good idea we're doing this, right?

355. (modified voice): Jer-Jermaine. I am Jermaine.

356. - Sally: You don't think this is a mistake? - Natalie: Give me that back.

357. Just try to breathe.

358. It's not horses.

359. It's just that I love their magical...

360. (whispering): Hey, where are you at right now?

361. - I need you present. - I am present.

362. No, come on. Come on. Focus.

363. Come on, focus. Look at me.

364. Let's just, let's practice the choke, ready?

365. - What? - The choke. Ready? One— one, two, three.

366. - Come on, Barry, sell it! - I am selling it.

367. - (audience applauding) - Stay in that place.

368. Sasha Thank you.

369. Oh wait, I'm going to take that. I'm going to take that.

370. I'm going to take that for my house. Love that!

371. Oh, killed it.

372. It was...

373. It was a typical November night.

374. It was cold outside.

375. And he had been drinking.

376. Who was that guy you were dancing with tonight?

377. Ken?

378. Well, he's just a friend, Sam. (scoffs)

379. I didn't like it. It was embarrassing.

380. You looked like a fuckin' whore.

381. (sighs) Come on, Sam.

382. Don't— Don't be an idiot.

383. - Don't fucking call me an idiot! - (loud clattering)

384. I'll call you a fucking idiot!

385. (panting): Yeah, and you know what else?

386. I'll talk to who I please, when I please.

387. You don't own me, you fucking prick!

388. And from now on, I'm going to speak my mind.

389. I'll say what I want to say, starting with this:

390. My name is Sally Jane Reed, and, as of today,

391. we are fucking done, you son of a bitch!

392. Sally (whispers): Shit...

393. - Natalie: And that's our show... - (applauding)

394. Sally. Hey. Hey, hey! Where you going?

395. - What's going on? - I got to get out of here.

396. It's fine! No. Tell me— tell me what happened.

397. (weeping): I just, I don't know. I saw all those people,

398. and I just— I kind of panicked.

399. So, I got up there and I... I lied.

400. I actually lied. I'm not an artist.

401. You should go in there. You should be—

402. That's a different kind of truth.

403. I was kind of forcing you to expose in front of everyone.

404. Sally, I just really want to apologize,

405. - because I feel very bad about this situation. - No, no...

406. And I should not have put you in that position.

407. You should never have had to do something so incredibly vulnerable

408. - in front of so many people with so little time. - Michael: Sally.

409. So that was not at all what I thought you were going to do.

410. And now we know why you hated Aaron Ryan's story so much.

411. His story was dark and gritty and, frankly,

412. kind of a bummer about women who get trapped in a hopeless existence.

413. But yours was full of hope and redemption

414. about a woman taking charge of her life.

415. - (cushion air hissing) - Really inspiring.

416. And not like those other stories which were a bummer.

417. I liked the one about the horse.

418. And the way you did that speech.

419. - It was like... - Braveheart.

420. - Braveheart, exactly. - Look this is exactly the kind of fucking shit I—

421. Excuse me, Ms. Reed?

422. My husband and I thought you were amazing.

423. There she is. That was breathtaking.

424. I have a friend who went through a similar situation.

425. She did not have the courage to do what you just did.

426. - (gasps) - Truly inspiring.

427. - She was crying. - I was crying. I was really crying.

428. Your ride back to LA is here.

429. You'll meet your lawyer and be arraigned in Los Angeles.

430. Hold on.

431. Mae, you need to come in here.

432. Excuse me.

433. Okay, Mr. Cousineau.

434. Mr. Cousineau?

435. You're free to go.

436. He's free to go.

437. This is Officer Chad Wilson

438. - of the San Bernardino Sheriff's Department... - (phone beeps)

439. Hello?

440. Hello?

441. Uh, is Mr. Cousineau there?

442. Uh, who is this?

443. Uh, this is Barry Block.

444. Who's this?

445. I'm— I'm Leo.

446. I'm his— his son.

447. Hi, um, is he okay?

448. Have they taken him to LA yet?

449. No, actually, they're letting him go.

450. I just got here, so...

451. They're letting him go? What happened?

452. I— I guess they found this thing in Janice's trunk.

453. It's a Chechen pin.

454. So this translates to "The debt has been paid"?

455. That's what our guy is telling us.

456. They must have left it there as a message for when we found her.

457. Chechens did this.

458. Oh, good, uh...

459. Can you keep in contact with me?

460. Just to let me know he's okay?

461. Uh, sure, I—

462. Barry Block? Is that what you said?

463. It's Berkman.

464. My name's Barry Berkman.

465. Okay, yeah, I'll let you know.

466. Well, and— and can you tell your dad something for me?

467. Uh, sure.

468. Can you tell him that he's going to be okay and that, uh...

469. and that he was right?

470. I'm pretty sure that people can change.

471. Okay. Will do.

472. White boy. Lululemon track suit.

473. Barry?

474. Shit!

475. - Fuches! - Fuches: No!

476. - Cristobal: Matalo, matalo! - Matalo, matalo!

477. Fuches!

478. Oh shit! Shit!

479. - (gunshots echo) - Aw, fuck!

480. Guys! Let me in!

481. Ow! Yes!

482. Help me!

483. Oh! You, you.

484. Hide me, he's trying to kill me. He's trying to kill me!

485. I'll tell you what, I'll give you anything you want!

486. - Just get me the fuck out of here! - Vlad, Barry's mentor.

487. - His mentor? - Get me out. Get me out.

488. Barry's mentor! (speaking Chechen)

489. Hey! Hide him in there?

490. Is he in there? Is he in there? Hey!

491. Motherfuck... Motherfuckin' door!

492. - (gunshots) - Fucking...

493. - Barry: Where is he? Where is he! - (shouting indistinctly)

494. Fuches!

495. Fuches, you fuck!

496. Fuches!

497. Fuches!

498. Fuck!

499. NoHo Hank: Hey, Batir!

500. Hey, man!

501. You, um, you want some tea, Dad?

502. Um... (chuckles)

503. (whispers): Barry Berkman did this.

504. (whispers): Oh, my God!