Barry 1x4

1. What is it, exactly...

2. that you want?

3. Bolivians have stash house in Sylmar

4. that I know makes so much money.

5. Then, that's what you should go after.

6. You could have Barry handle these things.

7. Excuse me.

8. I'd like to speak with you all about Ryan Madison.

9. - Hey, detective? - Mm.

10. You know, I've done my share of ride-alongs.

11. - Mm-hmm. - From where I'm standing...

12. you check all the boxes.

13. What the fuck are you supposed to be?

14. Barry? I don't want to be alone.

15. Do you think I'm going to be a star?

16. Like, a movie star? Yeah!

17. B-A... "Barry Block."

18. "Create account." Great.

19. And now... you exist.

20. Okay, so we've added everyone from class.

21. Is there anyone else you wanna add?

22. Just name a friend, any friend.

23. Uh...

24. There's a guy I served with who's from LA,

25. Chris Lucado, L-U-C-A— That him?

26. Jesus. That was fast.

27. Oh yeah, I know. You can find anyone on Facebook now.

28. That's why it's great that you're on it.

29. You know, you want people to be able to find you, right?

30. Yeah.

31. Yeah, that must be his kid.

32. Mm. Problem with Facebook now,

33. just one big baby parade.

34. Ugh.

35. That's crazy.

36. Hey, uh, do you wanna

37. maybe get breakfast or something?

38. Maybe you can help me with my Mamet monologue before class?

39. Oh! I'm not going to class.

40. Yeah, Mike got me another audition.

41. Ah! So, I'll see you later at Natalie's party.

42. I thought we were going together? Yeah.

43. You'll be there, I'll be there. Does this look military to you?

44. Are you playing someone in the military? A medic.

45. You know, I used to be a Marine, so...

46. if there's any questions that you wanna ask me—

47. No. I can ask Mike. He's an agent. He gets it.

48. Cool.

49. So, I'm just gonna prepare.

50. Oh, okay. For— for your audition?

51. Mm-hmm. Cool.

52. So I should probably leave is what you're saying?

53. Aw, so sweet. Right.

54. Wait. He shot himself? Yeah, he decided

55. he'd rather off himself than talk to me.

56. I pulled a major mindfuck on him.

57. So, now we are in the catbird seat. Here.

58. What's this? Our next job.

59. A Bolivian stash house,

60. where they cut their coca.

61. How many guys?

62. Uh, I don't know.

63. Whoever's there, I guess. Five, six.

64. Fuches, this isn't a hit. This is a raid.

65. I know. I know it isn't our regular gig,

66. but I believe in you, Barry.

67. Now, Pazar gets this stash house,

68. he can push the Bolivians out, take over their ops.

69. I mean, he gets bigger, he brings us up,

70. we ride his hairy shoulders to the moon.

71. Hey, speaking of which, here's for Paco.

72. Come on. You know you want some.

73. Take it. Take— You earned it. Take it.

74. You deserve it.

75. The rest goes in the cookie jar.

76. So, what— what does this mean? That we're both staying in LA?

77. Mm-hmm. Couch folds out. Is that a problem?

78. No.

79. No, it's great. Yeah! You're damn right it's great.

80. I mean, these guys were ready to take us out,

81. and now, we couldn't leave if we tried.

82. You're fucking welcome.

83. Last two drawers are yours.

84. So, which one of you type the wrong password to lock camera?

85. Huh?

86. Why is that important?

87. So it was you, yes?

88. Can you open it?

89. Well, because of you, what I must now do is bypass locking protocol.

90. Can you open it?

91. What I must do is bypass locking protocol,

92. then run application to brute-force decrypt password.

93. I write the software myself.

94. Uh, well, how long will that take?

95. It takes what it takes.

96. Could be one day, two day...

97. three day, four day.

98. Should I do?

99. Uh, yeah. Uh, do.

100. I came in early for this bullshit?

101. Hey, man, don't click on any open tabs.

102. Gene M. Cousineau speaking.

103. Hello, Mr. Cousineau, this is Detective Janice Moss.

104. You left me a message. You said you had

105. some valuable information regarding Ryan Madison?

106. Yes, I did.

107. I think I've got a little bit of a bombshell for you,

108. but I don't feel comfortable talking on the phone.

109. Could we meet for coffee?

110. Okay. I can do this afternoon.

111. I was thinking a little later, like 8:30?

112. I'll get a reservation at Stella Luna.

113. It'll be under Neil Patrick Harris.

114. I find I get a better table that way.

115. Uh, okay.

116. Gene?

117. Uh, I gotta go.

118. Until then.

119. Jesus, God.

120. Oh my God, he's with Judd Hirsch.

121. Hey! Francine!

122. This crazy man know Judd Hirsch!

123. - What? - Yeah!

124. Hey, Sherry. Gene Cousineau, always good to see you.

125. Thank you. It's what I do.

126. I'm gonna give you two options today.

127. Gene M. Cousineau,

128. reading for Man in Back of Line.

129. Self-managed.

130. We're waiting here!

131. Two.

132. Hey. We're waiting here.

133. Uh, would you like to see anything else?

134. Nope, that was great.

135. I think we got it. Oh. Wonderful. Thanks.

136. "Do you think I'm gonna lose my leg, miss?"

137. "You listen to me, soldier.

138. "I won't let you lose your leg,

139. "but you need to make me two promises in return.

140. "One...

141. "One, you never stop fighting.

142. Never ever."

143. "Okay. And what's the other promise?"

144. "You'll stop calling me 'miss.'

145. "From now on when you refer to me,

146. you'll refer to me as Dr. Audrina Borowitz."

147. - That was great. - You think so?

148. What about the wardrobe? Is it too much?

149. No, it's great.

150. You go in there today and do it just like that,

151. I think you're gonna book it.

152. Really? Yup.

153. Thank you.

154. Um, so if I do book it,

155. then does that mean, like, instead of hip-pocketing me,

156. you would be my— Okay, let me tell you where I am with that.

157. Okay. I get to this point

158. with a lot of my prospective clients

159. where I have a decision to make. Mmm.

160. Do I wanna sign them, or do I wanna fuck them?

161. Oh, I...

162. I'd really like to keep this professional.

163. That was totally a joke.

164. Did you think I was serious?

165. Oh yeah. Oh God. I was totally kidding.

166. Yeah, no, no, I— I thought you knew that.

167. Oh, I'm— I'm sorry. I— No, of course.

168. I— Sorry.

169. That's funny.

170. Sorry about that.

171. - Okay, cool. - Well, I— actually,

172. I'm gonna stop off at work first so I can grab my check,

173. just 'cause I don't wanna like—

174. I wanna put it in before we go,

175. so I'm gonna grab my check from work and come right after.

176. So I got— I just got a set amount of food,

177. and a set amount of drinks, so just no plus ones if that's cool.

178. Yeah. Okay, so what time? Sevenish.

179. Cool. Oh, and my friend Zach Burrows is gonna be there.

180. Do I know him? Well, he just finished shooting.

181. He's, um, playing Pinocchio

182. in the new live-action Pinocchio.

183. How old is he?

184. Um, it's mocap, like motion capture.

185. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Okay, so, they're just gonna digitally shrink him down

186. and then animate the puppet on top of him, so.

187. But he's gonna be a huge star,

188. so just try to be cool about it. You know what I mean?

189. Of course I'll be cool. I don't know who he is.

190. You can tell— Gene's here!

191. Whoo! Yay!

192. - We love you! - Gene!

193. All right, let's get to work.

194. Actors, I got three words for you:

195. Glengarry Glen Ross.

196. "Can you put that coffee down?

197. "Coffee's for closers, only.

198. "You call yourself a salesman?

199. "You son of a bitch.

200. "Hi. I'm from downtown. I'm from Mitch and Murray.

201. "Uh, so, you've got— all of you got

202. "just one week to regain your jobs,

203. "starting with tonight.

204. "Okay, we're adding a little something

205. "to this month's sales contest.

206. "As you all know, first prize

207. "is a Cadillac El Dorado.

208. "Anybody wanna see what second prize is?

209. "Second prize is a set of steak knives.

210. "Third prize is you're fired,

211. - but I've worked out a little"-- - Okay, okay. No, no, no.

212. Stop. I'm not kidding. You're making me nauseous.

213. Barry, I gave you this monologue for a reason.

214. To see if you were capable of playing a character

215. with even the mildest set of balls.

216. You know, I'm seeing a trend in your work, and it's disturbing,

217. and it's this...

218. You are deferential

219. to every character in a scene...

220. except for yours!

221. It's the way you read every scene.

222. And if you're gonna be an actor,

223. it's a big problem.

224. Okay, listen. I guess what I just thought

225. was that my guy was trying to help these other dudes achieve a goal, right?

226. And if it was me, I would want them—

227. You know what? That is so lovely. If it was you.

228. Is that the way you see your life, as a human doormat?

229. No. "No"?

230. 'Cause that's all we've ever seen in here.

231. And I'll bet you tits to donuts

232. it's no different out there in the real world.

233. You were in the service, right? Right?

234. Yeah, well, that makes sense, doesn't it?

235. "Stand like this. Clean your gun.

236. Swab the deck. Peel a potato."

237. Barry, do you ever ask for what you need?

238. Or do you just quietly feel shame at your own desires

239. while sadly doing the bidding of others?

240. "Dear diary, today,

241. "I did what everybody else wanted me to do.

242. Is that all right with you, diary? Love, Barry."

243. Is that the life you wanna lead?

244. Look at me. Answer me. No.

245. No. You're just saying that because I told you to say it!

246. Well, I don't know what you want me to say.

247. I want you to fight for yourself, Barry.

248. I want you to tell me one thing you desire.

249. I want you to say out loud,

250. "Hey, I want this!" Can you tell me one thing?

251. All I want is to take this class.

252. Well, then you've got 10 seconds to make me believe that, fucko,

253. or you're never gonna see the inside of this class again!

254. And action.

255. Fuches! I'm not doing it! Any of it, okay?

256. I know it's what you want, but fuck you! Okay?

257. There's a lot of things that I wanna do,

258. but you don't care about any of that!

259. Take out a stash house all by myself?

260. "Oh yeah, let's have Barry do it. He's fucking Jason Bourne!

261. Yeah! No! Fuck it! I'm out!

262. So you're going back to Ohio, and I'm staying here, and that's it!

263. Fuck you!

264. Ow!

265. Hmm.

266. "refer to me as...

267. "Dr. Audrina Borowitz.

268. "From now on when you refer to me,

269. you refer to me as Dr. Audrina Borowitz."

270. Sally? Yes.

271. - Question. - Mm-hmm?

272. Who made your appointment?

273. My agent. And who's your agent?

274. Mike Hallman. I wrote it down on the sign-in sheet.

275. Yeah. That's sort of the problem.

276. We didn't have you on the list,

277. so we called Mike to straighten it out,

278. and he said he doesn't represent you.

279. Oh. Yeah.

280. I— Oh. Okay, I—

281. Oop. Oh, sorry about that.

282. It's okay. Sorry about that.

283. Oh, no worries. Thank you so much.

284. You're— you're welcome. Okay. Thank you.

285. Have a good day. Break a leg.

286. - Um... Alana? - Yes.

287. Hi. finally, for the first time.

288. When did I know?

289. I remember exactly. Barry and I had just started dating,

290. and he bought me this laptop,

291. because my screen was broken.

292. And I just thought, "Wow.

293. "Now here is a guy who knows exactly what he wants

294. and is not afraid to go after it."

295. And that was it.

296. Hey, buddy. Hey, bud.

297. Can I get one of those with cheese? Absolutely, Jon Hamm.

298. Oh, you're the best. Whoa! What is this?

299. What is that, beryllium?

300. It's gold. Solid gold.

301. I'm really proud of you. Thanks.

302. Can I take a shit in your house?

303. We have five guest rooms. Take your pick.

304. So I was screaming at this guy, and then I was like,

305. "He could be an agent. I don't know."

306. Barry's here! Hey!

307. Oh. Hey.

308. Mwah! Hey! Mwah! Oh. Hey. Okay.

309. Wow. Look at your outfit.

310. Yeah. I— I went to J. Crew, and this was on the mannequin.

311. Uh-huh. Wow.

312. Um, did you see Zach Burrows is here?

313. Do you see him? Don't look at him. Okay.

314. Look at him, but don't look at him.

315. I'm sort of marinating in my craft.

316. Yeah. Yeah. Taking a little time for that.

317. How do— how do you guys know each other again? He's just like an old friend.

318. We're, like, in this secret group together.

319. It's like a special anonymous group for people with problems.

320. Oh.

321. Wha— you're so crazy.

322. I said no gifts, but you brought a—

323. I'm gonna go talk to Sasha.

324. Hi. How's it going? Hey, how did it go?

325. Great. Yeah, it all went so great.

326. Oh. When do you find out if you got it?

327. What's with the laptop? Oh, uh, this is for you.

328. Yours was cracked, so I— I bought you a new one.

329. That's like... three months of my rent.

330. Oh, I'm sorry. Umm...

331. Do you— do you want a drink?

332. Oh, I— yeah, well, I already have a drink,

333. so... Yeah. All right. Cool.

334. I just— I haven't said hi to Natalie, so...

335. So, I guess I have technically have had my first audition

336. but it was just, like, in North Hollywood...

337. Mm-hmm. in this guy's apartment, and he was like, "Dance."

338. And so I was like, "What is this gonna be on?"

339. And he said, "The Internet."

340. Can I get a Glenlivet, two fingers?

341. Thanks.

342. Hey, buddy.

343. Quite a little shindig you got going here, huh?

344. What, are you a bike messenger?

345. Interview with Gene Cousineau at Stella Luna restaurant,

346. Detective Janice Moss, serial num...

347. Oh Jesus.

348. Mr. Cousineau, you said coffee.

349. Yes.

350. And they do a wonderful espresso here.

351. I recommend it black with just a dollop of gelato.

352. Please.

353. So, your valuable piece of information.

354. Wow. Straight to the meat.

355. I like it. Okay.

356. So, I brought you here to let you know

357. that Ryan Madison was not, in fact, his real name.

358. Mm-hmm. His real name...

359. was... Richard Krempf.

360. Would you prefer the red or the white?

361. What the fuck are you doing here?

362. You know...

363. you really let me have it today,

364. and I thought, "Well, Barry seems upset about something."

365. I got worried, and I followed you here.

366. Oh, that's good. That's really good.

367. Hey. Shh. Hey. And you know what? You didn't notice,

368. which surprised me, 'cause I thought, "Well,

369. "Barry would notice, I mean, if someone's following him.

370. That's kind of his job."

371. Fuches, you gotta fucking leave.

372. Please.

373. Thing that hurts is you lied to me.

374. We're friends. You can be honest.

375. You're still going to that class, yes?

376. Yes. Yes, I am. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's great.

377. I want you to have that, but I just don't want you to screw up our thing too.

378. I mean, you said you could do both things, right?

379. Yeah. Here.

380. Put this in your car.

381. Okay. I can see I'm making you nervous. Don't worry.

382. I'm not gonna tell all these people who you really are.

383. Okay. You know, that would ruin everything.

384. Wouldn't it? Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Yes!

385. Yes, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Proceed. I'll get out of your hair.

386. Okay. You know what? Just— just, well—

387. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I do know.

388. Get out. Get out, now. I'll— I'll see you at home.

389. So, was Ryan close to anyone in class? Any best friends

390. or romantic entanglements? Mmm, well...

391. From what I gleaned from the proverbial water cooler,

392. he was a bit of a tomcat, but he never brought that into class.

393. So, like his performances, he was completely devoid of drama.

394. So he as a bad actor? Yes.

395. Oh.

396. Well, okay. I'm gonna thank you for your time, Mr. Cousineau.

397. What about the food? I didn't come here for food, Mr. Cousineau.

398. I'm working, remember? All right. I'll make you a proposition.

399. What? You're already here.

400. Give me just a little more time,

401. and if that chicken à la king

402. is not the best piece of poultry you've ever had in your mouth...

403. you can kick me right in the genitals.

404. I mean, where are you going at this time of night anyway?

405. Gonna throw your fedora up on a hat rack?

406. Share a warm beer with your parakeet?

407. Right in the balls?

408. What the fuck? Shut the fuck up.

409. Yeah, dude, I got a fucking wife, a fucking kid now.

410. Look at this. Look. Oh, that's fucking crazy.

411. He looks just fucking like you, dude. I fucking know.

412. What the fuck? It's fucking wild, right?

413. Fucking wild. Fucking kids.

414. Fucking kids. Fucking kids.

415. Fuckings kids, man.

416. So, fucking look at you, man,

417. in your fucking bug shirt.

418. You're gonna be a fucking actor now?

419. I'm gonna fucking try. It's harder than it fucking looks.

420. Yeah, good on you, man. Thanks.

421. Right on. Fuck. Oh!

422. Barry, gonna introduce me to your friends?

423. Uh, yeah, this is Chris. We were in the Marines together.

424. Great. And who are they?

425. You just hit my fucking face.

426. Uh, that's, uh... Wait. What are your buddies' names again?

427. Oh, that, uh, that's Taylor and that's Vaughan.

428. Cool. They're harmless.

429. Are they? What you gonna do? Come on.

430. That was dope!

431. Sorry, was it not cool inviting them?

432. I can tell 'em you want 'em to leave.

433. You don't need to tell them that.

434. You know, she's in, like, a secret club or—

435. Bro, you fucking hitting that?

436. Oh, no, no, no, um,

437. my girlfriend's the blonde on the couch right there.

438. Looks like Bieber's macking on your chic, dude.

439. Yeah.

440. Pinocchio was my favorite when I was a kid.

441. Mmm. God, it must've been such a challenge

442. to become a wooden boy who then becomes a real boy.

443. I love playing transformative roles like that.

444. Well, actually, it's not gonna be me. They animate over me.

445. It'll be my movements, but I was on set every day.

446. Where'd you shoot? South Africa for nine months.

447. That's cool. They fly you first class, right?

448. Uh, they flew me. Um... can you do the voice?

449. They're gonna have a child do it.

450. Oh. So, what— like, is anyone gonna know that it's you?

451. Yeah, I mean, I'll be in the credits.

452. I— I think I'll be in the credits.

453. Hey. Hi. I'm Zach Burrows.

454. Hi. Yeah, that's my girl.

455. What?

456. Yeah, that's my girl. I don't think

457. the young lady wants you talking to her.

458. What the fuck, Barry? No, no, I got this.

459. Hey, listen, One Direction,

460. I don't think the young lady wants you talking to her,

461. so maybe you should just get the fuck outta here, man.

462. Are you fucking kidding me? I—

463. Hey. What?

464. Sally!

465. Hi. I'm Zach Burrows.

466. Yes, I sent you my link.

467. Hey. Hey, hey, Sally. Sally. Hey.

468. What the fuck was that? What? Nothing.

469. I just didn't like the way you were talking to that guy.

470. Wh-wh— You didn't like the way I was talking to him?

471. Uh, who asked you, Barry?

472. Oh, well... I— I'm sorry,

473. but, I mean, we slept with each other and—

474. Oh my God. Yeah, we slept together one time.

475. Oh, what, that makes me your girl now?

476. Well, yeah, kinda. Do not fucking tell me what I am.

477. God, I am so... fucking sick of people telling me what I am.

478. Do you— do you have any idea what that feels like?

479. Do you? No. No, I don't.

480. Well, it makes me feel like I'm not even a person,

481. and I am a person, Barry. I know you are.

482. I know you're a person. I'm sorry.

483. I don't know if you thought you could like buy me with that laptop,

484. but that was a weird-ass Tony Soprano move.

485. And what the fuck are you wearing?

486. Barry, can you please control your friends?

487. Fuck.

488. Guys, chill out.

489. Fuck yeah!

490. Come on, baby, fuck me!

491. - Hey. Hey! - Ow!

492. They're scaring Zach Burrows.

493. Barry, get them out of here right now, right now.

494. - Like that? - Guys! Fellas. Guys.

495. - Aah! - Zach!

496. Oh my God!

497. What a fucking baby. Pussy.

498. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Are you okay?

499. Hey. Hey, guys.

500. Get the fuck off of each other. Hey, guys, guys, guys, listen!

501. Natalie wants you guys to leave!

502. I'm cool if you guys stay, but she wants you guys to leave.

503. Yeah. Oh. Okay.

504. Hey. Hey. Guys.

505. - Asshole! God! - Zach!

506. Look at your little hands.

507. You are so little.

508. I could rock you like a baby.

509. I would like you to rock me like a baby.

510. I could drop-kick you in the middle of the restaurant,

511. and everybody would applaud, then I would beat the fuck outta you.

512. And I would let you do it.

513. Mmm!

514. So... What?

515. The chicken? It's all right.

516. You would not die for that chicken? Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

517. That was not the greatest chicken? Uh-uh.

518. I'm crushed.

519. Oh my God. How did you do that?

520. - I can show you. - It's a teachable skill.

521. How about next Tuesday?

522. Oh shit. I gotta go.

523. But can I see you again? I'm- I'm— No!

524. I'm investigating the murder of one of your students.

525. This cannot be a thing. I understand.

526. But admit it, you had a good time.

527. Okay, I actually did.

528. And I needed it, and I thank you.

529. Oh, Janice. What?

530. Well, you're the detective, and I got the confession,

531. m'lady.

532. Think about it until next Tuesday.

533. I gotta go!

534. Okay. But just try it on for a week.

535. See how it feels. Bye.

536. Bye.

537. Whew.

538. I want to go to Disneyland. Okay.

539. How far from here? It's like an hour maybe.

540. Kilometers, please. Why does that matter?

541. In kilometer, I don't know— Hey. We get it open?

542. What I did was, in order to decrypt password—

543. Did we fucking get it open or not?

544. I did. Then play it.

545. Now fast-forward.

546. Okay. No, no. Okay, one back.

547. Right there. Right there. Right there.

548. Take it! Take the shot!

549. Now, now, now, now!

550. Okay, pause it right there.

551. Now zoom in.

552. Shit. You can't see his face.

553. No.

554. But if this guy was someone you knew...

555. you'd recognize him.

556. All right, so we'll get some more beer,

557. and then we'll meet you in the Dodger Stadium parking lot

558. in, say, 10? That sounds great.

559. Cool. Wait, you guys need some money?

560. No, dude, I got it.

561. - You sure? - Yeah, let's hit it.

562. - All right. - Shotgun.

563. I'm gonna ride with Barry.

564. He's got a sweet fucking ride anyway.

565. Oh good. Barry. Barry.

566. You forgot your laptop.

567. And, I don't know if anyone said anything, but I love your outfit.

568. What?

569. Auto parts?

570. You're driving this car, you got those sick new threads,

571. and fat fucking wad of hundreds from auto parts?

572. It's a very well-managed company.

573. Whatever this is...

574. I want in.