1. That's what abuse
does to you, you know?Copy !req
2. It made me this sticking plaster
for all of life's weirdos.Copy !req
3. This... open wound for them to sniff at.Copy !req
4. I knew she was mad,
and I knew she was dangerous,Copy !req
5. but she flattered me.Copy !req
6. That was enough.Copy !req
7. A random audience member
recorded me on the slyCopy !req
8. and uploaded the video to YouTube,
and it went viral.Copy !req
9. In a matter of weeks,Copy !req
10. I went from a walking ghost
to the center of a media storm.Copy !req
11. It was so overwhelming
that I almost didn't noticeCopy !req
12. that Martha had stopped emailing.Copy !req
13. Too distracted by all
the new work opportunities to take notice.Copy !req
14. It was like something took over,
and I just started coming out with it.Copy !req
15. Podcasts, radio shows,
bigger gigs, better crowds.Copy !req
16. Everyone wanted a piece of me,Copy !req
17. and my career
sprung into surprising action.Copy !req
18. I honestly couldn't believe
it was all happening.Copy !req
19. For the first time in my life,
I really felt like I was going somewhere.Copy !req
20. Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the stageCopy !req
21. Donny Dunn!Copy !req
22. And there is nothing
like your life going so visibly wellCopy !req
23. to let your sexual abuser know,Copy !req
24. "Fuck you. You failed to break me."Copy !req
25. Ah, thank you very much.Copy !req
26. Now, for those of you
that have seen the viral video,Copy !req
27. don't worry,
I'm not gonna go into all that again.Copy !req
28. Although there is a guy in the front row
looking at me a bit funny.Copy !req
29. Is it possible
to get a DBS check on this guy, please?Copy !req
30. I couldn't keep up with it,
everything that was happening.Copy !req
31. It was like my life began
three decades in,Copy !req
32. and all I needed to do to achieve it
was to be honest with myself.Copy !req
33. It's funny how things work out.Copy !req
34. And sometimes I would find myself
in the free fall of happiness,Copy !req
35. and wonder what it was in me
that kept it in for so long.Copy !req
36. What it was in me that felt so afraid.Copy !req
37. Hello.Copy !req
38. I wasn't gonna
speak to you again,Copy !req
39. but I've been putting down the basics
regarding what you said on stage.Copy !req
40. Do your parents know
about all that in the video, yeah?Copy !req
41. The shirtlifting, and the guy's cock
half hanging out of you.Copy !req
42. I mean, should I tell them?Copy !req
43. Probably fair to know
their son's an ugly little bumboy.Copy !req
44. It's the least you deserve
for all those things you said about me.Copy !req
45. I cannot express how furious I am
about the way you shafted me.Copy !req
46. And just like that,
at the worst possible time,Copy !req
47. during the most important moment
of my professional life,Copy !req
48. Martha got my number.Copy !req
49. How the fuck could I let her
get my number?Copy !req
50. First new message.Copy !req
51. You know,
I've been leaving your parents aloneCopy !req
52. because I didn't have the time for it,Copy !req
53. but I think they're gonna wanna know
information like this.Copy !req
54. I don't think your dad
looks like the accepting type.Copy !req
55. I couldn't tell
if Martha was bluffing,Copy !req
56. or if she would actually do something
as awful as tell my family.Copy !req
57. Either way, I unplugged from her
for a few days and made plans.Copy !req
58. I just had to get to my parents
before she did.Copy !req
59. Look, I, um...Copy !req
60. I don't know whether you've... seen this...Copy !req
61. video of me
that's been going around online.Copy !req
62. No, bear, I'm not on social media anymore,
and your dad—Copy !req
63. Isn't a fucking moron.Copy !req
64. Okay. Thanks for that. Um...Copy !req
65. Well...Copy !req
66. it's this video where I, uh...Copy !req
67. I confess a lot of things.Copy !req
68. I just...Copy !req
69. I just... I feel very confused,Copy !req
70. and, um, I...Copy !req
71. I don't really know anything anymore,
but I'm trying to, you know, like,Copy !req
72. get through it.Copy !req
73. I don't think I'm...
I'm straight anymore. Um...Copy !req
74. I think I'm probably, like,Copy !req
75. bisexual maybe.Copy !req
76. It's a journey, anyway, but it's...Copy !req
77. it's one that I... I need to go on
with your support.Copy !req
78. These past few years
have been really difficult.Copy !req
79. And I think you're gonna have a choice nowCopy !req
80. between a...Copy !req
81. between a bi son or a... or a gay son,
whatever I become,Copy !req
82. or a dead one,
because I can't handle it anymore.Copy !req
83. Keeping it in.Copy !req
84. Oh, love, that's easy.Copy !req
85. Giving us a choice like that, there's
no question which one we're gonna go for.Copy !req
86. Just... Please, just let me finish.Copy !req
87. And I sort of speak about... other things
in the video too.Copy !req
88. I was, um...Copy !req
89. I wasCopy !req
90. raped by a man.Copy !req
91. Oh my God.Copy !req
92. I'm fine, all right? I promise.Copy !req
93. But I spoke about it in this online video,
and now everyone knows.Copy !req
94. I just feel so fucking embarrassed,Copy !req
95. and I guess I never wanted you to knowCopy !req
96. because I didn't want you
to think less of me,Copy !req
97. you know...Copy !req
98. as a man.Copy !req
99. Oh, darling, of course we don't.Copy !req
100. You're our son, whatever happens.Copy !req
101. I just feel less of one,Copy !req
102. having let something like that
happen to me.Copy !req
103. But you didn't let it happen.
You weren't to blame.Copy !req
104. Would you see me as less of one?Copy !req
105. What?Copy !req
106. Would you see me as less of a man?Copy !req
107. Uh, well, no.Copy !req
108. I grew up in the Catholic Church.Copy !req
109. Uh, sorry, I... I...Copy !req
110. I don't understand.Copy !req
111. Jesus. I...Copy !req
112. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
113. You don't have to say anything.Copy !req
114. Just know we are always here.Copy !req
115. Oh, Bear, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
116. I slept 12 hours that night
and woke up to a new dawn.Copy !req
117. I felt lighter somehow.Copy !req
118. Amazed, even, by the sudden peace
I found within myself.Copy !req
119. I spent the next few days in Scotland
with my phone off, enjoying the quiet.Copy !req
120. I told my parents everything.
Teri, Martha, Darrien.Copy !req
121. I hadn't felt so at ease in all my life.Copy !req
122. There was no need to be afraid anymore.Copy !req
123. There was never any need.Copy !req
124. And by the time
I boarded the train back down,Copy !req
125. I really felt like
there was nothing in my way.Copy !req
126. Nothing, of course, apart from Martha.Copy !req
127. Good luck with the transsexual.Copy !req
128. Yep, thank you, Dad. Just... Thanks.Copy !req
129. You can go now.Copy !req
130. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
131. Welcome
to your voicemail.Copy !req
132. You have 50 new messages.Copy !req
133. First new message.Copy !req
134. You stood there,
like a fucking guppy,Copy !req
135. wafting that bitch right under my nose,Copy !req
136. your cock practically in her,Copy !req
137. and you're expecting me to do what?Copy !req
138. She's ringing me now, literally,
as I stand here.Copy !req
139. - I can see that, Mr. Dunn.
Then do something.Copy !req
140. You can't ring somebody
that many times in a day, surely.Copy !req
141. Well, no, you can't,
but obviously with unknown numbers,Copy !req
142. it's very difficult to prove
who is actually calling.Copy !req
143. So you're saying I can call anyone I meet
as many times as I want,Copy !req
144. and as long as I withhold my number,
I'm free to do as I please?Copy !req
145. You're not planning to?Copy !req
146. No, I'm not planning to.Copy !req
147. I'm making a point.
This behavior shouldn't be allowed.Copy !req
148. How'd she get your number anyway?Copy !req
149. She'd stopped emailing,
so I set an out-of-office,Copy !req
150. and it must have... replied to her.Copy !req
151. That's gotta hurt.Copy !req
152. Giving it away so easily after managing
to keep it from her for so long.Copy !req
153. Why is that helpful?Copy !req
154. Wha— Uh...Copy !req
155. What about her phone number?
Have you tried blocking that?Copy !req
156. Of course I've tried.
You can't block unknown numbers.Copy !req
157. You should know this.Copy !req
158. Can't you just go into the back and listen
to the voicemails she's been leaving?Copy !req
159. We can't listen to that many voicemails.
We don't have the resources.Copy !req
160. Oh my God. So, what? I just change
my number and let her win again?Copy !req
161. Well, there is another option.Copy !req
162. Now, I need to speak
off the record here, butCopy !req
163. it might make sense to keep your numberCopy !req
164. and wait for her to say something
that we can use to expedite this case.Copy !req
165. You're serious?Copy !req
166. Merely a suggestion.Copy !req
167. Go home. Mark down moments
where she says something threatening.Copy !req
168. She's leaving you
numerous voicemails a day.Copy !req
169. Chances are there'll be something there
we can use.Copy !req
170. First new message.
I'm gonna be frank with you...Copy !req
171. Over the next few months, Martha's
voicemails became the podcast to my life.Copy !req
172. I listened to her on every bus ride,
every Tube journey,Copy !req
173. in the street between meetings.Copy !req
174. She was there in my ears all the time.Copy !req
175. Don't forget what I said
about confidentiality.Copy !req
176. Her voicemails playing out
this retrospectiveCopy !req
177. of our entire relationship together.Copy !req
178. When you said
about hanging the curtains,Copy !req
179. I assumed you had
a one-night stand in mind.Copy !req
180. She remembered everything
with such lucidity.Copy !req
181. Do you remember that gig
you performed at back in the day?Copy !req
182. The chats, the laughter.Copy !req
183. The false promises.Copy !req
184. I'm shocked
you did something like that.Copy !req
185. I couldn't believe
the meaning she would gleanCopy !req
186. from the most implausible of places.Copy !req
187. You surrendered to me
that day, didn't you? By the water.Copy !req
188. I started to download them,
log and categorize them,Copy !req
189. color-code them
into different emotions and subjects.Copy !req
190. All this fame means fuck all.
They don't love you.Copy !req
191. They'll grow bored. I love you. Yeah?Copy !req
192. It became an obsession.Copy !req
193. I ignored work calls,
canceled gigs and interviews,Copy !req
194. devoted my life
to unpacking the mystery of Martha.Copy !req
195. Why she was the way that she was.Copy !req
196. I'm not sure I ever got close
to finding the answer.Copy !req
197. You've got
psychiatric problems, darling.Copy !req
198. In fact, over time, I found myself
relating to her all over again.Copy !req
199. Our shared insecurities,
our fears for the future.Copy !req
200. The same things at night
which kept us from our sleep.Copy !req
201. London's full of charlatans
and backstabbers and liars.Copy !req
202. The way she managed to distract me
from all the things that I'd lost.Copy !req
203. She threatened me many times,
said stuff that was violent or phobic.Copy !req
204. Isn't abuse for little boys
and their piano teachers?Copy !req
205. About me or Teri or the abuse.Copy !req
206. But still, I found myself ignoring it.Copy !req
207. Has anything new come up
that we should know about?Copy !req
208. No.Copy !req
209. Holding off reporting her
out of fascination or empathy or guilt.Copy !req
210. - Any excuse to keep her in my life.
Don't you dare!Copy !req
211. And sometimes,
in my darkest hours,Copy !req
212. as I lay awake,
listening to how much she was suffering...Copy !req
213. I get heavy at night.
I sometimes feel so angry.Copy !req
214. Angry at the world
and what it's taken from me.Copy !req
215. I did have to fight every
fiber of my being not to call her back.Copy !req
216. So when I did eventually report her,Copy !req
217. I only did it
because she started on my family.Copy !req
218. I only did it because it felt like a risk
I couldn't take any longer.Copy !req
219. Message.Copy !req
220. So you and your family,
you keep your traps shut, yeah?Copy !req
221. You're on your final warning.
I fucking mean it this time.Copy !req
222. Because I've got a raging PMTCopy !req
223. where I could just about stab
anyone in England, in Britain.Copy !req
224. So you'd better watch what you're saying
because maybe one day I will stab someone.Copy !req
225. Martha was arrested the next dayCopy !req
226. and charged with three counts
of stalking and harassment.Copy !req
227. And by the time a date was set
for her plea hearing,Copy !req
228. I couldn't tell whether it was putting
an end to her fascination or mine.Copy !req
229. All rise.Copy !req
230. Be seated.Copy !req
231. Stand up, Ms. Scott.Copy !req
232. You are charged with the harassment
of Mr. Donald DunnCopy !req
233. between the dates of 14th August 2015
and 22nd March 2017.Copy !req
234. Are you guilty or not guilty?Copy !req
235. Guilty.Copy !req
236. You are charged
with the stalking of Mr. Donald DunnCopy !req
237. between the dates of 14th August 2015
and 22nd March 2017.Copy !req
238. Are you guilty or not guilty?Copy !req
239. Guilty.Copy !req
240. You are charged
with the harassment of Gerald DunnCopy !req
241. and Eleanor DunnCopy !req
242. between the dates of 6th June 2016
and 22nd March 2017.Copy !req
243. Are you guilty or not guilty?Copy !req
244. Guilty.Copy !req
245. My little reindeer.Copy !req
246. My little reindeer.Copy !req
247. Ms. Scott, you have pled guilty.Copy !req
248. I will ask the CPS
to prepare a pre-sentencing report.Copy !req
249. - You will remain in custody until then.
Reindeer.Copy !req
250. All rise.Copy !req
251. Reindeer.Copy !req
252. Martha was sentenced
to nine months in prison,Copy !req
253. and a five-year restraining order
was issued that same day.Copy !req
254. And there, in that courtroom,
was the last time I ever set eyes on her.Copy !req
255. Oh. Keeley.Copy !req
256. Hi.Copy !req
257. Francis called.Copy !req
258. He's concerned about you.Copy !req
259. He says you've barely
come out of your room in weeks.Copy !req
260. Do you wanna come in?Copy !req
261. Yeah.Copy !req
262. What's all this?Copy !req
263. Oh, it's, uh... It's Martha stuff.Copy !req
264. - I thought she'd been sentenced.
- She has. I'm trying to make sense of it.Copy !req
265. - And how's that going?
I'm getting closer.Copy !req
266. Yeah, you'd hope so, looking at all this.Copy !req
267. Yeah, it's crazy.Copy !req
268. I have all her voicemails from
when I downloaded them for the police.Copy !req
269. I've split them into all these folders
capturing her different emotions.Copy !req
270. I've been doing it for weeks.
There's a ton I haven't listened to yet.Copy !req
271. It's funny, 'cause when you see them
all splayed out like this,Copy !req
272. you really do get a sense
of just how mad she was.Copy !req
273. Do you wanna sit down or something?Copy !req
274. Yeah.Copy !req
275. You look awful.Copy !req
276. I feel awesome.Copy !req
277. How's the, uh, comedy going?Copy !req
278. Oh, I've given up.Copy !req
279. Nothing like getting everything you want
in life to realize it's not for you.Copy !req
280. So, um,Copy !req
281. why are you here?Copy !req
282. I want you to move back to my mum's place.
Sort yourself out a bit.Copy !req
283. - I can't. I've signed a lease here.
Nah, I'll pay for it.Copy !req
284. Just move back.Copy !req
285. I can't have you go on living like this.Copy !req
286. Having gone through all of that.Copy !req
287. That video, Donny, it really upset me.Copy !req
288. Okay.Copy !req
289. How does it feel?Copy !req
290. Yeah, familiar.Copy !req
291. I'll leave you to it.
Let me know if you need anything.Copy !req
292. Thank you.Copy !req
293. I forgot to say, I left a little something
for you in the cupboard,Copy !req
294. along with a couple
of bits and bobs I found.Copy !req
295. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
296. Ah.Copy !req
297. Hello.Copy !req
298. Can I help with anything?Copy !req
299. Yeah, I was, uh...Copy !req
300. I was wondering if I could come in.Copy !req
301. Sure.Copy !req
302. Would you like a cup of tea?Copy !req
303. Yeah, please.Copy !req
304. So they were just high all the time?Copy !req
305. Oh my God, I've never seen two people
consume drugs like them.Copy !req
306. Private school boys too.Copy !req
307. I mean, the amount of times I caught
people shagging in my bed was insane.Copy !req
308. Where've you been?Copy !req
309. Oh. You know. Here and there.Copy !req
310. I'm sorry I disappeared.Copy !req
311. No. No, I get it.Copy !req
312. I saw your video, by the way.Copy !req
313. Oh yeah?Copy !req
314. I thought it was brave.Copy !req
315. Really brave.Copy !req
316. Oh.Copy !req
317. Thank you.Copy !req
318. You should come back and work with me.Copy !req
319. Uh...Copy !req
320. It won't be like last time.Copy !req
321. Oh, I... I don't know.
I'm sort of not really doing much anymore.Copy !req
322. We're bringing Cotton Mouth back
for a reboot.Copy !req
323. Probably be terrible, butCopy !req
324. we're staffing up at this very moment.Copy !req
325. You'd be paid.Copy !req
326. I'd love that.Copy !req
327. God, and there was
this other time in the barCopy !req
328. when you were serving
in your tight whites, and I thought,Copy !req
329. "Red. Red is your color."Copy !req
330. And then the next day,
you were wearing red.Copy !req
331. I think you've got
a great jawline, a lovely smile.Copy !req
332. You know, I think you're,
you know, very attractive.Copy !req
333. You know, when you meet someone sometimes,Copy !req
334. you just think they have it.Copy !req
335. And you have it.Copy !req
336. I dunno. Maybe it's your turn of phrase.Copy !req
337. Fine! I fancy you, okay?
I fancy you. There, I said it.Copy !req
338. Oh God. I'm blushing
like a teenage virgin here.Copy !req
339. Hi there.
- Hi. Yeah, I'll have a vodka Coke, please.Copy !req
340. A... a double. Thanks.Copy !req
341. That's the thing
I've always wondered.Copy !req
342. Why people meet, why people fall in love,
that kind of thing.Copy !req
343. And I suppose that brings me
to the baby reindeer thing.Copy !req
344. As I think you're probably wondering.Copy !req
345. Basically, I had this wee cuddly toy
when I was young.Copy !req
346. Went with me everywhere.Copy !req
347. Earliest memory I have,
I think, was Christmastime.Copy !req
348. This old photo of me,
sitting with this paper hat on my headCopy !req
349. and this baby reindeer beside me.Copy !req
350. Anyway, this reindeer
was this cuddly, fluffy thing.Copy !req
351. It had big lips, huge eyes,Copy !req
352. and the cutest wee bum.Copy !req
353. I still have it to this day.Copy !req
354. It was the only good thing
about my childhood.Copy !req
355. I'd hug itCopy !req
356. when they fought.Copy !req
357. And they fought a lot, you know?Copy !req
358. Well, you are the spit of that reindeer.Copy !req
359. The same nose.Copy !req
360. Same eyes.Copy !req
361. Same cute wee bum.Copy !req
362. It means so much to me.Copy !req
363. You...Copy !req
364. You mean so much to me.Copy !req
365. I've gotta go.Copy !req
366. - Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry.Copy !req
367. Here you go.Copy !req
368. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
369. - It's, uh, £7.25.
Oh yeah.Copy !req
370. Oh fuck.Copy !req
371. Sorry, man, I...Copy !req
372. I think I've left my wallet at home.Copy !req
373. Don't worry about it. It's on me.Copy !req