1. Mm. There are 5,000 channels
on this damn box
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2. and I can't ever find
what the hell I want.
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3. E-S-P-N.
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4. Just a regular goddamn remote.
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5. I told you what
you need to do.
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6. You need to cut
all of that off.
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7. You know, the cable,
the electric, the gas.
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8. All of it, just...
cut it off.
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9. Nigga, you know I'm not
doing that.
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10. Why not?
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11. 'Cause I ain't no hipster
living with his sister's
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12. girlfriend's cousin picking
boysenberries or some shit.
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13. Nigga, I'm rich.
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14. Plus, you can't stream everything.
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15. What can't you stream?
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16. You know, man,
shit like the news.
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17. - Huh?
- The news, my nigga?
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18. - This nigga said "the news."
- Are you 80 years old?
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19. Yes, nigga.
Yeah, the news.
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20. Yeah, I watch that.
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21. I want to stay informed
and shit.
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22. That's why I watch CNN.
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23. Isn't CNN that place
where you take your kids
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24. to play in the fountains?
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25. Look, you want to know
if somebody died, TMZ.
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26. You want to know
if someone's canceled, Twitter.
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27. You want to know what's
going on in the Black community?
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28. Shade Room comments section.
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29. - Exactly.
- Or Lipstick Alley.
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30. - Right. Right.
- Yo, y'all heard about
that Crank Dat Killer?
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31. Crank Dat what?
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32. Wait, man, Wait.
I heard about this theory.
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33. Most of the Black murders
that have occurred
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34. in the past year and a half
have all been linked
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35. to a common denominator.
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36. All the victims made
"Crank Dat" dance videos
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37. back in the day.
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38. - What?
- Yeah.
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39. I-I didn't believe it either, but...
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40. this dude on Lipstick Alley,
man, he did his homework, man.
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41. He cited his work
and everything.
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42. Yeah, I mean, I believe him.
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43. Soulja Boy just better
watch his back,
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44. that's all I know.
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45. Yeah, it's a good thing none
of us made "Crank Dat" videos,
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46. 'cause this guy seems pissed.
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47. And whoever did, man,
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48. they better watch their back.
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49. You know, I bet you he got tabs
on 'em and everything.
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50. Yeah. The FBI wants
to talk to anybody
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51. who's been to the Pool Palace,
you know,
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52. in the past ten years.
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53. No, I heard the killer got,
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54. like, white glasses like Fabo.
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55. He come in, he like...
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56. - He got a knife.
- Yeah, and with the...
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57. You all right, man?
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58. Hmm?
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59. Look, man, it was 2007,
all right?
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60. I-I trapped in the parking lot
of GreenBriar
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61. the entire summer.
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62. It was hot, it was boring.
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63. I must've ate about a hundred
Pretzelmaker pretzels, man.
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64. Of course I fucked around and
made one of these videos, man.
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65. Look, if you sold drugs
in Atlanta,
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66. you made a "Crank Dat" video, okay?
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67. So me and my homie J-Berg,
we recorded this.
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68. And this has been on
the Internet the entire time?
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69. Man, J-Berg posted that shit.
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70. I would call his ass
and tell him to take it down,
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71. but then the nigga would have
my phone number.
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72. Plus the nigga's probably dead.
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73. Gotta be real with you, uh,
even I don't like this.
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74. But, you know, look,
it got 25 views,
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75. so you could be in the good.
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76. The killer may not have
even seen it.
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77. Nigga, I ain't worried about no
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78. goddamn "Crank Dat" killer, man.
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79. Hey, look, see if you can
get this scrubbed
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80. off the Internet, Earn,
all right?
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81. The last thing I need is
niggas hyped over this story
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82. finding my ass, all right?
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83. All right.
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84. - Mm.
- You know,
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85. when you look deeper into it,
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86. spiritually
it's a little deeper.
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87. You see, our roots...
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88. kind of deal with dancing.
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89. No, you don't gotta do that.
This is bad.
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90. It's real bad.
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91. Whoo!
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92. 'Aight, 15 minutes
to record a track.
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93. That gotta be a record.
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94. Man, why is it so hard to
get sneakers nowadays?
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95. Me and Darius are trying
to get these
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96. Nike Miracles, man.
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97. The shit sold out in,
like, 30 seconds.
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98. Yeah, man, resellers
got the game fucked up, man.
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99. Might as well be
shoe gentrification.
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100. Hey, why don't you
just call Nike
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101. and have 'em send you
a pair for me?
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102. I already did.
They told me to go to hell.
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103. It is what it is, man. Sorry.
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104. Hey, man, bounce that track
back from the top.
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105. - Hey, Paper Boi.
- Yo.
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106. There's a guy
in the next room over
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107. that wanted to pop in
and say what's up.
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108. Some guy named Doug?
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109. Yeah.
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110. Yeah, tell him it's cool, man.
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111. You can tell him it's cool.
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112. Who? Doug? What?
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113. Nigga, man. No, some—
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114. - He's a rapper:
Some Guy Named Doug.
- Oh.
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115. He always trying to get me on
a track with his ass and shit.
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116. Man, I mean, he a cool dude,
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117. but his music sound
like ass, nigga.
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118. - Yeah, his music does suck.
- Yeah.
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119. Great guy, though.
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120. Aw, there he go.
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121. - Ha ha! Paper Boi!
- Ah...
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122. What's going on,
Some Guy Named Doug?
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123. I knew I heard you in here.
What's good, man?
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124. Oh, man, you know,
laying it down, babe.
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125. Shit, you in here
cooking up?
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126. You know, you know,
on the regular, man.
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127. Yo, we should get
on a song together.
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128. Oh, man, man, I would love
to do that, man,
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129. but I'm on my way out, man,
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130. and the system just crashed,
my nigga.
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131. - Wow. Really?
- Yeah, man.
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132. Well, what you been working on?
Play me something.
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133. Oh, man, I can't 'cause
the speaker's busted, too, man.
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134. Oh, you can just email it to me.
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135. And the motherfuckin'
Wi-Fi down, too.
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136. - All this shit connected, nigga.
- What?
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137. I've been trying to tell
these niggas to get a router.
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138. Damn, every time, man.
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139. Look, one of these days
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140. we gonna
get on a song together.
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141. - Hey, man, I'm down.
- 'Aight?
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142. - Yeah.
- One day.
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143. - One day, nigga.
- 'Aight, man, I'm-a call you.
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144. - Hey, you could text.
- Okay, I'm-a text you.
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145. - Yeah, yeah.
- I got some new beats, too.
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146. - Fire!
- All right. Yeah.
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147. - I'm-a send it to you.
- All right, you do that.
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148. You do that, you do that
you do that.
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149. That's cool.
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150. I gotta get a new phone, nigga,
like, immediately, 'cause...
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151. - Doug's a nice guy.
- He's-he's incredibly kind, man.
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152. - Hey, you back this up?
- No, we done.
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153. Oh, shit, it's smoking like
a motherfucker, man.
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154. Oh, man.
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155. We ain't gotta pay
for that, right? Like...?
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156. No, we ain't gotta pay
for that.
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157. All right,
I'll catch you later.
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158. - Hey, man, hit me
when you get home.
- All right.
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159. Shit, man.
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160. What the fuck was I thinking?
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161. Babe.
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162. Babe! We're here.
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163. My bad.
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164. You should, uh...
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165. you should go home,
get more sleep before work.
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166. No. Not with your little
brother and sister
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167. running around.
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168. Babe, we gotta move out
of your mom's place.
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169. Yeah, I know.
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170. I know.
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171. You know, I support
your rap career and everything,
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172. but maybe it's time
you thought about
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173. getting a real job,
like a career.
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174. Just in case the rap thing,
you know...
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175. Look, baby, remember
how I told you about
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176. how Big Sean got discovered?
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177. Yeah.
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178. You said he rapped for Kanye
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179. outside of a radio station
or something.
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180. Exactly.
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181. All I need is one opportunity.
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182. And I'm gonna be prepared
for when that moment comes.
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183. Just have faith.
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184. Please?
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185. Okay.
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186. I promise you that everything's
gonna be okay.
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187. All right, take care of Mommy,
Little Juanita.
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188. So who is this guy?
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189. Uh, he is but a man
with many shoes.
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190. The neighborhood knows him
as Shoe Man.
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191. So he's kind of like
Sock Man, except for shoes.
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192. Yeah, but Sock Man had
an actual store.
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193. This-this is a van.
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194. No, man, this guy's legit.
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195. Shoe know what it is. Yes, sir.
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196. Hey...
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197. Hop in, gentlemen.
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198. All right.
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199. Get that door for me, champ?
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200. - Oh, yeah.
- Appreciate you.
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201. So how can I help you boys?
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202. We want to get the...
the Nike Miracles.
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203. - Yeah, they're sold out...
- What size?
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204. 11. Right?
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205. - 11 for you, too?
- Yeah, 11.
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206. I got 11, 10 and a half.
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207. - Last two.
- Ah.
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208. Really?
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209. Damn, that's surprising.
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210. They usually don't be having
any 11s.
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211. Whoa!
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212. - Yes.
- Really?
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213. - Yes.
- These legit?
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214. Yeah, they real. That's why
they call me the Shoe Man.
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215. - All right.
- Damn.
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216. Um, how much?
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217. Nothing, really.
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218. Just let me see you two kiss.
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219. - I'm sorry?
- What?
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220. Just let me see y'all two
kiss in the backseat.
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221. - All right. I mean, that's easy.
- Wait. No, no, no.
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222. Wait. Hold on.
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223. How much for the shoes, man?
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224. How much money do you want?
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225. I don't need money, man.
Everybody got money.
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226. Yeah, man, look, it ain't
that big of a deal.
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227. We just knock this out.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
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228. - I don't want to kiss you.
- Be on with our day.
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229. Look, I know you're
not gay, bro.
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230. That's not the point. Okay?
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231. I don't want to kiss my friend
for shoes.
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232. So, what, you want to
kiss a stranger?
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233. - I don't understand what...
- I don't want to kiss
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234. anybody, Darius.
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235. Damn, y'all back?
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236. I'm gonna need an answer,
fellas, I got a line.
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237. Do you need to look
at 'em again?
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238. Nigga is stupid.
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239. Trash.
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240. Hello?
- Hello?
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241. Hey, hey. Hey, Soulja,
man, what's up, man?
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242. Paper Boi? What up, brah?
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243. Oh, you know, man,
I'm coolin', coolin'.
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244. Hey, hey, I got a dumb-ass qu—
I got a dumb-ass question, man.
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245. Yeah? What up?
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246. Um, you heard anything about
this "Crank Dat" killer stuff?
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247. Are you serious?
Of course I have.
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248. I got more "Crank Dat" content
on the Internet than anyone.
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249. Too much to count.
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250. I basically invented YouTube.
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251. Yeah, definitely.
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252. You lucky, man.
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253. Lucky you ain't got
a bunch of
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254. "Crank Dat" videos like me.
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255. Oh, you know what?
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256. This shit. Back in
the day, man, I did, actually.
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257. What?
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258. What are you saying, man?
You made a "Crank Dat" song?
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259. Yeah, man, but...
I ain't call it that.
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260. I called it the
"Crank Dat Jimmy Neutron."
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261. - You know what I'm saying?
- Nigga, what? That was you?
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262. Yo, you gotta skip town
just like me then.
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263. Wait, you serious?
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264. If I was you,
I'd be on the way
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265. to my safe farm right now.
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266. Safe farm? What the hell
is a safe farm?
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267. A farm that's safe.
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268. If you don't got a safe farm,
you good as dead.
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269. You know...
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270. "Like a good nigga,
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271. safe farm is there."
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272. Nigga, what the fuck is you
talking about?
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273. I don't know, man.
I'm tired, I'm scared.
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274. Yo, get all the Soulja-tendo
game systems. All of 'em. Look,
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275. you are not safe, man.
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276. I don't care who you are,
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277. you got a "Crank Dat" video
out there,
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278. you better watch your back.
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279. I gotta go.
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280. But...
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281. Where the hell are
my glasses at?
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282. Safe farm.
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283. So what's up, fellas? This
kiss ain't gonna French itself.
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284. French ki— Nah, you didn't
say that before. French?
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285. I'm sorry, it's just an
expression I'm trying out.
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286. Okay, we got a couple questions.
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287. Uh, right?
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288. How long a kiss
are we talking here?
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289. - Eight minutes?
- Eight minutes?
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290. - No, man. Come on.
- No. Come on, man, that's...
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291. - That's a whole,
like, Animaniacs.
- That's fine. Then let's haggle.
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292. Yeah, that's a make-out...
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293. Well, let's haggle, then.
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294. A peck on the lips.
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295. What, you kissing your grandma?
Nigga, please.
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296. - Two minutes at least.
- Man, fuck this.
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297. - Man, fuck these shoes.
- Okay, hold on.
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298. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
All right, look.
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299. Well, but— Let me and him
discuss this one-on-one, please.
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300. And we'll definitely come back
with an answer for you.
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301. It better be worth it.
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302. I know it is.
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303. Man, do what you want, man.
I'm not doing it.
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304. What do you mean
you're not doing it, man?
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305. What I'm supposed to do,
just kiss myself?
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306. I can't...
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307. These things are worth
$10,000, man.
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308. - I've seen it online.
- Then pay it.
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309. Pay the $10,000 online.
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310. I'm not gonna pay $10,000 for
something I can get for $200.
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311. That just—
The principle of that—
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312. Exactly.
It's the principle, okay?
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313. I get it, okay?
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314. I like sneakers.
You like sneakers.
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315. But like a lot of Black men,
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316. we put an excessive amount
of value in them, okay.
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317. Is it really worth our dignity?
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318. There are only a thousand
in the, like,
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319. - in the whole world.
- Man...
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320. You've seen me wear
$900 loafers
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321. that would get me roasted at any
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322. - Black high school in Atlanta.
- Yeah. True.
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323. I've seen billionaires
walk into
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324. very important meetings
wearing some dirty Vans.
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325. I've seen you wear a paper towel
around your head
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326. and make it look cool,
like Jadakiss.
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327. That was a fun summer, huh?
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328. I'll kiss you if you want
for these sneakers,
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329. but I think we're above this.
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330. I think you know I'm right.
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331. Mm.
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332. I think we should do it.
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333. Hey, Shoe Man,
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334. two orders of Nike Miracles, please.
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335. Let's do this.
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336. Y'all ready?
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337. Hey, how you doing today?
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338. Uh, can I get one
soft pretzel?
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339. Paper Boi?
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340. I'm gonna give you
two extra pretzels.
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341. Don't tell nobody though.
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342. Mm, can I get you
on my Instagram Live?
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343. Hell no.
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344. Um...
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345. - Hey, can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.
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346. How you know it was me?
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347. Only famous people
trying to blend in
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348. come in dressed like that.
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349. You're the only nigga in here
with a hat with no logo on it.
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350. You know how hard it is to find
a hat without a logo on it?
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351. See?
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352. That's Chris Evans.
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353. Hmm.
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354. Free samples.
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355. Free samples.
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356. Free sample? Free sample?
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357. Free sample.
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358. Try our Bourbon Street chicken?
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359. Nigga, everybody already knows
what that taste like.
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360. Free sample.
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361. Hey, Roberto.
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362. Hey, Chartreuse.
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363. Free samples.
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364. Free samples.
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365. You heard Paper Boi here?
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366. Like, for real?
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367. - Mm-hmm.
- Where?
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368. My homegirl Tiffany said
his fat ass was getting
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369. a pretzel at Pretzelmaker.
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370. You...
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371. Okay, this is it. This is it.
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372. I— Yo, I got to go spit
for him.
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373. - Mm.
- Cover me.
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374. Nigga, I work at Sbarro!
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375. Oh!
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376. Hmm.
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377. Turn right.
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378. Turn right.
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379. You have reached
your destination.
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380. Paper Boi!
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381. Shit.
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382. Oh, shit!
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383. Mm.
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384. I'm s— I'm sorry. Sorry.
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385. - Can I help you?
- What?
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386. Can I help you?
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387. Yeah. Uh...
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388. Uh, can I see, um,
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389. one of these digital display
belt buckles, please?
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390. Really?
I got to be honest with you,
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391. last person I sold one
of these to was a crackhead.
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392. Maybe you'll start a trend.
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393. You want one of those gold
belt buckles down there, too?
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394. Tell the truth.
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395. You're a crackhead, right?
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396. Oh, shit!
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397. Get out the way!
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398. What the fuck?
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399. What the fuck is going on here?
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400. Come here.
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401. So you boys ready?
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402. All right, uh, yeah.
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403. Ready to do this?
Copy !req
404. - You said three seconds, right?
- Mm-hmm.
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405. Okay.
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406. Out of mind.
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407. Just be in the moment.
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408. Two Nike Miracles, please...
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409. Oh, oh...
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410. What...?
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411. Bro...
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412. - Uh...
- We're already implicated.
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413. Yeah, fuck, then let me grab...
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414. Oh, shit! Shit, man!
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415. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
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416. Hey!
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417. Just shoot
that motherfucker, man!
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418. Paper Boi, get in!
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419. Get in!
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420. Come on.
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421. Go, go, go, man! Go!
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422. Go, nigga, go, go, go!
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423. Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
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424. Oh, shit! Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, my God!
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425. Man! Some Guy Named Doug, bruh!
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426. Oh, you saved my life, man!
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427. You saved my motherfucking life,
nigga!
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428. Oh, God! Ah, that shit
was crazy back there, man!
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429. Brazy!
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430. But it's all good, man.
Don't even—
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431. - Don't even trip.
- Oh, my God, man!
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432. Oh, God.
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433. Look, man, I owe you one.
For real, man, I owe you one.
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434. Oh, God.
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435. What was you even doing
out here, my nigga?
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436. It was fate, I guess.
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437. - Right place at the right time.
- Hell yeah, man.
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438. I'm actually, uh,
headed to the studio.
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439. Yo.
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440. Yo, yo! We got to get
a song together!
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441. Today, man!
It's fate, man, come on.
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442. We got to do it.
Today's the day.
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443. And I just made
a new beat this morning.
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444. Want to hear it?
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445. Yeah.
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446. Bet you'll go crazy on it!
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447. You're gonna go crazy
in the studio, man!
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448. I can't wait to have a song
with Paper Boi!
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449. Man, this about to go amazing!
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450. Hey, man, yes!
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451. Paper Boi. Paper Boi.
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452. About to be
the song of the year.
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453. Let's get it.
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454. Hello?
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455. Hey.
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456. Ah.
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457. Okay, I see you out here, boy.
Nice, man.
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458. You actually, you know,
got a green thumb.
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459. Yeah, man, you think?
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460. I was thinking
about buying a farm, man.
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461. Oh, for real?
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462. You know, like they say.
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463. "Like a good nigga,
safe farm is there."
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464. That's a good idea actually.
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465. Oh, yeah, uh, you know what?
They found
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466. that, uh, "Crank Dat" killer.
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467. - Word?
- Yeah.
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468. Here, right there.
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469. Man, he thick though. It's
weird for a serial killer...
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470. - Right?
- Yeah.
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471. That's crazy, brah.
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472. Yeah.
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473. What you end up doing today?
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474. Aw, man, you know, I don't know,
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475. went to the mall.
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476. Ran into a nigga I had
beef with from high school.
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477. - Mm.
- Yeah, really? What happened?
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478. I think that nigga's
still mad, man.
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479. Yo, man.
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480. Those are nice sneakers.
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481. - It's about time you noticed.
- Sorry.
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482. Good looking though, yeah.
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483. I had to do
a little something for them.
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484. It was worth it.
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485. What's this nigga talking about?
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486. It's your
boy Paper Boi on the track.
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487. Hey, you ain't got
to say my name on the track.
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488. What the hell is that?
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489. Is that you
and Some Guy Named Doug?
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490. All right, tell me when, nigga.
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491. All right, all right,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
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492. - Yep. Yep.
- Damn.
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493. Okay, yeah. It's trash.
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494. Yep.
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495. How do I catch the rhythm on it?
There's not really a rhythm.
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496. You know what, man?
That's the thing.
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497. I don't, I don't really know.
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498. It's more sound than music.
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499. Yeah. Yeah, it is, right?
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