Arthur 17x5

1. Hey!

2. Hey!

3. Hey!

4. Hey!

5. Hey!

6. Hey, DW!

7. Hey!

8. Whoa...

9. Oh, an earthquake!

10. Bionic Bunny is on the way!

11. A lot of people ask me, "Bionic Bunny,

12. what's the hardest part of being a superhero?"

13. And I tell them, "Laying off the sweets

14. so I can fit into the tights!"

15. But seriously, lifting heavy objects

16. isn't the hardest part of being a superhero.

17. Coming up with incredibly creative solutions

18. to natural disasters isn't the hardest part either.

19. Even knowing the correct knot to seal up an earthquake isn't.

20. Bionic Bunny, what an honor!

21. Could you please sign my Bionic Bunny

22. limited edition coffee mug?

23. Why, certainly, young man.

24. To whom would you like me to make it...

25. Uh-oh.

26. The hardest part of being a superhero is...

27. The fans!

28. "With just seconds left in the game,

29. "Alberto Molina passed three Bloomfield Buzzards

30. "and scored the winning goal,

31. making his team the country's junior soccer champions!"

32. I only passed two defenders, not three.

33. You're too modest.

34. We need to paste this into your scrapbook together.

35. I'd love to, Papi,

36. but I promised Arthur he could join me

37. for my morning run.

38. Yes, yes, of course.

39. You must stay in shape for next season.

40. Go, superstar!

41. The newspaper got it wrong.

42. You didn't dribble past three defenders

43. to score the winning goal.

44. I know, it was only...

45. Fore! Duck!

46. Oh, thanks for catching that.

47. I'm helping Chip work on his swing

48. for an upcoming golf tournament.

49. You might want to help him work on holding onto his club.

50. He almost hit Alberto.

51. Ah, there it is!

52. Do us a favor, sport,

53. and pass my five iron, would you?

54. Mind if I try to hit this to you?

55. I've always wanted to give golf a try.

56. You don't just "give golf a try."

57. It takes years of practice.

58. It's easy to pick up a club,

59. but a lot harder to use it.

60. Well, there's a lot more to golf than one lucky shot.

61. Well, there's a lot more to golf

62. than hitting a bunch of long shots perfectly.

63. Well, there's a lot more to golf than having a great short game.

64. Oh, okay.

65. What else should I try?

66. How about playing on a real golf course?

67. Under pressure!

68. Alberto eats pressure for breakfast.

69. With bacon!

70. Well, I'm happy to meet you for a friendly game next Friday.

71. Great!

72. Be prepared to face the Chipinator.

73. Hope you've got a good caddy.

74. The best.

75. And you're looking at him.

76. What's a caddy?

77. Beats me.

78. I've never played this game before in my life.

79. My dad said you could borrow his old clubs

80. from when he was a teenager.

81. And I got a book on caddying:

82. McKinley MacAdie's

83. Advice For Laddies from the Daddy of Caddies.

84. You're playing golf?

85. Oh, uh...

86. That is a fantastic idea!

87. Next Friday he's going to be playing Chip Crosswire

88. at the country club.

89. Next Friday?

90. Oh, I have a dentist appointment.

91. No!

92. I will reschedule it.

93. Papi, please don't.

94. Nonsense.

95. It's no trouble.

96. Just a silly root canal.

97. "A caddy carries a golf player's bag and clubs,

98. "gives advice on how to play,

99. "and most importantly, provides moral support.

100. Whatever a golfer needs, a good caddy is there."

101. It's the British Open

102. and we're one stroke behind world champion Jaguar Forest.

103. Which club should I use?

104. The sun's in my eyes.

105. I'm hungry.

106. Ahh, turkey!

107. My favorite!

108. After reading some of this book last night,

109. I came up with some great training exercises.

110. Wait!

111. Before you start,

112. how about some delicious protein smoothies

113. to give you energy?

114. Then I will drive you to the public golf course.

115. That's okay, Papi.

116. We're going to go practice in the park.

117. Come on, Arthur, let's go.

118. Okay.

119. I guess you want to keep your training top secret.

120. Good plan.

121. Why were you in such a hurry to get away from your dad?

122. Whenever I get involved with a sport,

123. he makes such a big deal out of it.

124. It embarrasses me.

125. Like when I was doing kendo,

126. he brought cupcakes to every practice.

127. And no matter what game I play,

128. he takes a photograph and sends it to the local paper.

129. That does sound pretty embarrassing.

130. But at least he's really proud of you.

131. I know, but I just wish he didn't go so over the top.

132. Tails.

133. Alberto goes first.

134. Sorry I'm late.

135. I was at the t-shirt store, getting these.

136. "The Dean of the Green."

137. What do you think of your new nickname?

138. It, um, certainly stands out.

139. I knew you would like it.

140. Here, Arthur, put one on.

141. That's okay, Mr. Molina.

142. Excuse me.

143. I'm all about making a fashion statement,

144. but it's time for Alberto to face the Chipinator.

145. Here we go.

146. What?

147. It is the horn of courage.

148. You can do it, Dean of the Green.

149. The grass was wet and I slipped.

150. I'm going to take a mulligan.

151. Mulligan?

152. Who is this "Mulligan"?

153. A mulligan is a term for a do-over.

154. You're allowed to take one on the first tee.

155. Even with your "mulligan"

156. I think the Dean of the Green has hit the ball farther.

157. Wait, put these electrolytes in it.

158. They will restore your energy.

159. Go, Dean of the Green!

160. The 13-year-old golfing machine!

161. Dean of the Green, watch him strut.

162. To win the game,

163. he'll sink this putt.

164. Alberto, Alberto!

165. Here's your scorecard, Alberto.

166. Good show, old man.

167. I've got to say, you've got a lot of natural talent.

168. Did you hear that, Alberto?

169. You're a natural.

170. Papi, please.

171. Here, give me your scorecard.

172. We'll take it right home and put it in the scrapbook.

173. And then next time...

174. There isn't going to be a next time.

175. I'm not playing golf anymore.

176. Why?

177. Because you embarrass me every time I play.

178. And it's not just golf.

179. It's all sports.

180. Papi, I...

181. The head of the country club called.

182. Your score was so good today

183. that you qualified for the club junior championship.

184. I did?

185. Oh.

186. Well, I'm not sure...

187. It's next Thursday,

188. and although I'd like to come, I'm...

189. I'll be very busy at the café that day.

190. You're not coming?

191. No, I'm sorry.

192. But I shall be there in spirit.

193. I know you will do well.

194. And even if you don't,

195. have fun, okay?

196. Harry Mills here

197. at the Elwood City Country Club Junior Championship,

198. where all eyes are on Chip Crosswire

199. and newcomer Alberto Molina.

200. As three-time club champion,

201. the Chipster would like to thank the community

202. for their support,

203. and our father at Crosswire Motors for his blimp.

204. Go, Chip!

205. Ready to play?

206. It's been a rough game for Alberto,

207. and now he's three strokes behind Chip.

208. MR. Alberto, Alberto, he's full grown.

209. And now he wants me to leave him alone.

210. I can't do it.

211. Something's missing.

212. "Whatever a golfer needs, a good caddy is there."

213. Hello, Molina residence.

214. If we don't find that ball, you'll be penalized a stroke.

215. MR. Here it is.

216. Papi, you came.

217. I mean...

218. What are you doing here?

219. Arthur called me.

220. He thought you could maybe use a cheerleader.

221. Well, uh, maybe...

222. I mean, I guess I could use a little cheering.

223. I understand.

224. I will try to contain myself,

225. if you give me a mulligan.

226. What?

227. A do-over.

228. I would like a second chance.

229. What a Cinderella story.

230. Alberto is just one putt away from the championship.

231. Go, Alberto!

232. Shh.

233. Let them play.

234. I have something for you to celebrate your win today.

235. It isn't a parade, is it?

236. No, no.

237. Nothing too big.

238. It's just a victory empanada.

239. Thanks.

240. And I promise I will try not to get too excited

241. about how talented you are and embarrass you anymore.

242. That was amazing!

243. Have you considered basketball?

244. It was a joke.

245. You professional athletes take everything so seriously.

246. And now...

247. My name is Kiara, and this is my second-grade class.

248. What's something that we do in here

249. after we do a really good job at something?

250. Cheers.

251. Fantastic!

252. Today, we're working on cheers

253. like the ones Ramon did for Alberto.

254. Go, Dean of the Green,

255. the 13-year-old golfing machine!

256. Why do you think they're like poetry?

257. They rhyme.

258. Because it sounds good when you have them rhyming.

259. Today, you and your partner are going to make poetry cheers.

260. What are some things I could create a cheer about?

261. Subjects in school.

262. Baseball.

263. You could do it about food.

264. Here's some hot pepper!

265. Put on a lot, a lot, a lot!

266. Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's hot, hot, hot!

267. It's a fun writing project, so we can work together.

268. I think we should do something that rhymes.

269. Yeah.

270. Something about nature.

271. Dolphins, dolphins, watch them go!

272. Watch them go so fast and slow!

273. Basketball, basketball, dribble, dribble!

274. Make a shot so we can fizzle!

275. I hit five home runs, I hit five doubles,

276. I hit five singles, but I struck out a lot.

277. Reading, reading, it's so fun!

278. How many books can you read in a day?

279. In classroom 201, the fun has just begun.

280. We solve math problems and read and write.

281. We are friends whose future is bright!

282. Hooray!

283. Arthur, Arthur in the tree,

284. as happy as can be!

285. And now...

286. Many of you know that I have a community garden

287. full of fresh fruits and vegetables.

288. But did you know I also have a comedy garden?

289. Come on, I'll show you around.

290. Here's my clown nose bush.

291. This one's not quite ready.

292. Aha, this one's perfect!

293. Here's where I grow the squirting flowers.

294. Smells like comedy.

295. And if you look over here, I've got some...

296. Whoa!

297. Forgot I put the banana peel patch here.

298. But my most prized possession in the whole garden is this:

299. my joke tree.

300. Each branch bears a hysterical new joke.

301. Like this one.

302. "What's the one word a dog can say?

303. Bark."

304. Get it?

305. Actually, that one's kind of old.

306. Let's try this one.

307. "What's black and white and red all over?

308. A newspaper."

309. Wait a minute, everyone knows that one.

310. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

311. That's the oldest one in the book.

312. What's going on?

313. This one's going to be good, I promise.

314. "What does someone say when he reaches the top of a dead tree?

315. Ah."

316. Huh?

317. I don't get it.

318. Ah!

319. I'm okay.

320. So a couple of sausages are sizzling in a frying pan.

321. One sausage turns to the other and says,

322. "Man, is it hot in here!"

323. And the other sausage says,

324. "Oh, my gosh, a talking sausage!"

325. Doesn't that joke kill?

326. Ow.

327. Well, my nose sure feels dead.

328. And then he says,

329. "Oh, my gosh, a talking sausage."

330. Could you warn me next time?

331. Pretty great, huh?

332. It never fails.

333. "Oh, my gosh, a talking sausage!"

334. Get it?

335. See?

336. I'm a sausage and I'm talking.

337. "Hi, guys.

338. La la la..."

339. We got it the first time.

340. And the second and third.

341. The funny part was when water shot out of Arthur's nose.

342. Can you do that again?

343. No way.

344. I actually never thought it was that funny.

345. It was just that creepy image of a talking sausage.

346. It made me snort.

347. Are you done telling it?

348. I'm really thirsty.

349. Yeah, I'm done.

350. Finished.

351. Kaput.

352. I think I need another dessert.

353. Of course you're still funny, Buster.

354. I don't know.

355. That joke used to always work.

356. Now I can't even get a giggle.

357. That's just because you're using day-old bread.

358. No, I was using hot dogs.

359. You think I should use bread instead?

360. What I mean is you need some new jokes.

361. Would you like it if I served the same thing every day?

362. Hmm...

363. Could it be cake?

364. Don't worry, Buster.

365. You'll make 'em laugh again.

366. Just go get some fresh material.

367. And this time, make it something

368. that doesn't involve playing with your lunch.

369. Thanks a lot, Mrs. McGrady.

370. Horst Schichter's Compendium of Comedy.

371. This is exactly what I need.

372. Oof!

373. Hi, ladies and germs.

374. Welcome to the Great Baxterini's prop comedy show.

375. What a great crowd.

376. Now remember, don't try this at home.

377. I am at home.

378. Now, you don't like to have seeds in your watermelon,

379. do you, sir?

380. Well, this is how I like to get them out.

381. Huh...

382. Ow!

383. Wow, does that hurt!

384. Hey, come back.

385. There.

386. Wasn't that hysterical?

387. You're going to clean this up, right?

388. You know, there are things I notice

389. every day at this school that are just hysterical.

390. Like the see-saw.

391. It doesn't look like a "C" or a "saw."

392. Why is it called that?

393. Maybe they should just call it

394. the "I-don't-see-the-point-saw."

395. Hey, I've got a question for you.

396. If fish swim in schools, do they get homework?

397. See, it's funny because their school is...

398. not like our school?

399. Hey, what's up with monkey bars?

400. Why aren't there any monkeys on them?

401. Because there are no wild monkeys in North America.

402. I suppose one could escape from the zoo...

403. That'd be scary.

404. My dad knew someone who was bitten by a monkey once.

405. Oh, that can be quite dangerous.

406. Did he get a rabies shot?

407. Okay, okay, forget the monkey bars.

408. Hey, you know what's funny?

409. Yes.

410. "Funny" is an adjective.

411. causing laughter or amusement.

412. Synonyms are "comical," "humorous,"droll"...

413. I'll tell you what funny isn't.

414. This.

415. Oh, never mind.

416. According to Horst Schichter's Compendium of Comedy,

417. this has to get a laugh.

418. I don't know, Buster.

419. I feel kind of funny about this.

420. Funny is good.

421. Hold that thought.

422. Now let's get started.

423. Are you sure you want me to?

424. Arthur, if you are truly my friend,

425. you will hit me in the face with that pie.

426. Why aren't you laughing?

427. Because it wasn't funny.

428. Try the cherry.

429. Anything?

430. Sorry.

431. All I feel is grossed out.

432. I don't understand.

433. This is supposed to be a guaranteed laugh.

434. There's quiche in the fridge.

435. Let's try that.

436. What is going on here?

437. Um, Arthur's helping me

438. with my comedy homework.

439. So I've been experimenting

440. with all different types of comedy,

441. but no matter what I do, I still can't get a laugh.

442. Well, I think you're funny.

443. Thanks.

444. But you're my mom.

445. You'd even laugh at my mitten joke.

446. What's your mitten joke?

447. What did the mitten say to the hat?

448. "I'll stay here; you go on ahead."

449. See?

450. Well, I know something that'll cheer you up.

451. "This Sunday at Elwood City Books,

452. "comedian Vince Ruckles will sign copies

453. of his autobiography My Yucky Life."

454. Vince Ruckles?

455. He's my hero.

456. I have all his CDs.

457. I know.

458. You and your father did his routines

459. for hours and hours.

460. Can we go, Mom?

461. Please, please, pretty please?

462. Only if you promise never to do your comedy homework

463. in my kitchen again.

464. "Molina."

465. Any relation to Stanwood Molina?

466. No.

467. Who is he?

468. Beats me.

469. He's not a relative of mine either.

470. Next.

471. Hey, kid.

472. Who do I make it out to?

473. Um, Buster Baxter?

474. Is that two m's in the "um"?

475. You haven't lost your touch, Mr. Ruckles.

476. I wish I could say the same.

477. What happened, kid?

478. You sprain your funny bone?

479. Broke it is more like it.

480. I bet you never went through a slump

481. where you couldn't make anyone laugh.

482. Are you kidding?

483. Read chapters two through 12.

484. What did you do about it?

485. I stopped trying to be funny.

486. That's a good one.

487. Actually, that wasn't a joke.

488. Trying to be funny is like trying to have fun.

489. Usually, the harder you try, the less fun it is.

490. So what do I do?

491. Just be yourself.

492. And if you can't do that, be Whoopie Studdlemeyer.

493. Who's that?

494. I don't know,

495. but at least he's got a funny name.

496. Next.

497. I bet I know what you want, Buster.

498. A pair of talking hot dogs?

499. Actually, I think I'll have the fish sticks instead.

500. Let me guess.

501. You've got some fish jokes up your sleeve?

502. A fish joke?

503. I wish.

504. When I look at my lunch, I just see food.

505. "See food"?

506. I get it.

507. That's a good one.

508. It is?

509. Huh.

510. I wasn't even fishing for a laugh.

511. You're on fire today.

512. Hey, guys.

513. So what kind of comedy are you trying today?

514. Knock-knock jokes?

515. No, I'm done trying to be funny.

516. I may never be funny again,

517. but at least I won't have whipped cream in my ears.

518. What?

519. It's true.

520. I also found some cherry filling in my shoes.

521. At least my feet smelled good.

522. Is this a new stand-up routine?

523. No way.

524. I'd rather do sit-ups than stand-up.

525. And I'm never going to kick a watermelon again.

526. Only zucchinis.

527. Why zucchinis?

528. They squash.

529. Thank you, Vince Ruckles.

530. Okay, can we eat lunch already?

531. My fish sticks are turning into fish stones.

532. You made me do it again.

533. It's not my fault.

534. Stop laughing.

535. You stop being funny.

536. I'm trying.

537. Okay, everyone think serious thoughts.

538. That so did not work.

539. To watch more Arthur

540. and play games with all the Elwood City friends,

541. visit pbskids.org.

542. You can find Arthur books and lots of other books, too

543. at your local library.