1. Hey!Copy !req
2. Hey!Copy !req
3. Hey!Copy !req
4. Hey!Copy !req
5. Hey!Copy !req
6. Hey, D.W.!Copy !req
7. Hey!Copy !req
8. Whoa...Copy !req
9. Just because someone says
something is realCopy !req
10. doesn't mean it necessarily is.Copy !req
11. Just watch...Copy !req
12. May I help you?Copy !req
13. No, Jeeves,
but I can help you!Copy !req
14. I'm Jimmy Johnny Johnson,
aka J-CUBE,Copy !req
15. big-time genius
TV producer, pow!Copy !req
16. Yeah, and this is Phil.Copy !req
17. I want to put
the Crosswires on TV.Copy !req
18. What's going on, Bailey?Copy !req
19. I believe we're being
"punked," sir.Copy !req
20. Jimmy Johnny Johnson!Copy !req
21. You got my letter.Copy !req
22. Daddy, I read that J-CUBE was
looking for new reality starsCopy !req
23. and I said our family
would be perfect.Copy !req
24. Rich, intelligent, glamorous—
what's not to love?Copy !req
25. So, what do you say, Ned?Copy !req
26. It's Ed.Copy !req
27. Will you let Phil and I be part
of the Crosswires for four weeksCopy !req
28. and turn you
into the biggest hitCopy !req
29. since Ice Road Trucking
With the Stars?Copy !req
30. Well...Copy !req
31. You bet!Copy !req
32. Huzzah.Copy !req
33. Cut!Copy !req
34. Okay, that was great.Copy !req
35. Let's just have a little bit
more excitement this time.Copy !req
36. And Ted,
not too long on the pause.Copy !req
37. It's feeling
a little staged.Copy !req
38. It's Ed.Copy !req
39. Okay, everybody,
one more time.Copy !req
40. Caught in the Crosswires,
episode one.Copy !req
41. Let's keep it real, folks.Copy !req
42. See what I mean?Copy !req
43. It's the first day of shooting
our new reality showCopy !req
44. and things couldn't
be going better.Copy !req
45. I only wish my brother Chip
could be here,Copy !req
46. but he's away at school.Copy !req
47. Maybe if we get
a second season...Copy !req
48. Muffy?Copy !req
49. Hi, Francine.Copy !req
50. Be out in a second.Copy !req
51. Who are you talking to?Copy !req
52. And why are you hiding
in there?Copy !req
53. I wasn't hiding.Copy !req
54. I'm just talking to my fans
in the "Private Moments Area."Copy !req
55. Uh, I think it's called
a closet.Copy !req
56. We have to do three
video diary entries every day.Copy !req
57. That's when the camera isn't
following us everywhere.Copy !req
58. I never knew
it would be this hard.Copy !req
59. You've only been filming
for a day.Copy !req
60. Feels like years.Copy !req
61. Still, I guess it's
for a good cause.Copy !req
62. What cause is that?Copy !req
63. Making people famous
for doing nothing?Copy !req
64. No.Copy !req
65. Providing quality entertainmentCopy !req
66. for people whose lives are not
as interesting as mine.Copy !req
67. Okay.Copy !req
68. Well, I don't suppose
a big star like youCopy !req
69. would want to come
to the movies with me.Copy !req
70. My mom said she'd take us
to Galaxy Kittens in 3D.Copy !req
71. Oh, I've been dying
to see that.Copy !req
72. But I have to go
to dinner now.Copy !req
73. Sorry.Copy !req
74. What?Copy !req
75. But it's only 3:00.Copy !req
76. We want to use
the daylight.Copy !req
77. By the way, you are great
as the snarky friend.Copy !req
78. Genius.Copy !req
79. Pow!Copy !req
80. Thank you, Bailey.Copy !req
81. Looks wonderful.Copy !req
82. Goodness me,
what's that on my napkin?Copy !req
83. Is that the new four-door
luxury Credenza on saleCopy !req
84. at Crosswire Motors?Copy !req
85. It is.Copy !req
86. Wow!Copy !req
87. That is an amazing deal.Copy !req
88. Psst... see what
the kid is doing.Copy !req
89. Thanks, Bailey.Copy !req
90. Ooh, hot.Copy !req
91. Did he just serve you
scalding hot soup?Copy !req
92. What kind of an animal
would do that?Copy !req
93. Um, it's not that hot.Copy !req
94. But what if it was?Copy !req
95. It isn't.Copy !req
96. Or is it?Copy !req
97. No, it isn't.Copy !req
98. I believe Mr. Cube
is trying to insinuateCopy !req
99. that the scene would be
more engagingCopy !req
100. if you reacted more
dramatically, Miss Muffy.Copy !req
101. What Jeeves just said.Copy !req
102. Pow!Copy !req
103. Genius.Copy !req
104. Oh.Copy !req
105. Well, okay.Copy !req
106. Is the soup to your liking,
Miss Muffy?Copy !req
107. Ow! Oh, no!Copy !req
108. That's way too hot.Copy !req
109. I am most
grievously sorry.Copy !req
110. May I blow on it,
Miss Muffy?Copy !req
111. Don't bother.Copy !req
112. Take it away.Copy !req
113. My dinner is ruined!Copy !req
114. I think we just
found our star.Copy !req
115. Bailey!Copy !req
116. Yes, Miss Muffy?Copy !req
117. Why haven't my covers
been turned down?Copy !req
118. And that pillow
has not been fluffed.Copy !req
119. This is unacceptable.Copy !req
120. It shan't happen again,
Miss Muffy.Copy !req
121. It better not!Copy !req
122. How was that?Copy !req
123. Can't you go any faster?Copy !req
124. I'd like to get there
before I turn 80.Copy !req
125. I asked for a frittata.Copy !req
126. This is just an omelet!Copy !req
127. Wire hangers?Copy !req
128. Wire hangers?Copy !req
129. And if you are one minute late
today, that's it.Copy !req
130. You're going back
to butler-school, Mister.Copy !req
131. Yes, Miss Muffy.Copy !req
132. Why were you being
so rude to Bailey?Copy !req
133. Oh, it's just an act.Copy !req
134. J-CUBE thought it would be great
for the showCopy !req
135. if Bailey and I fought a lot.Copy !req
136. It didn't seem
like fighting to me.Copy !req
137. You were just being mean.Copy !req
138. Yeah, but Muffy has
to be mean.Copy !req
139. She's the villain.Copy !req
140. What?Copy !req
141. No, I'm not.Copy !req
142. Sure you are.Copy !req
143. But that's the best role.Copy !req
144. Every reality show has
someone you love to hate.Copy !req
145. In Top Supermarket Clerk,
it was Jeff.Copy !req
146. That sneaky little weasel!Copy !req
147. I still get angry
thinking about him.Copy !req
148. See?Copy !req
149. The villains are the most
memorable characters.Copy !req
150. But...Copy !req
151. I've also been really nice
to Bailey.Copy !req
152. This morning I gave him
the cherry from my fruit cup.Copy !req
153. I think it's going to take
more than a cherryCopy !req
154. to make up for your
performance back there.Copy !req
155. How does it feel to be abusedCopy !req
156. by a spoiled,
eight-year-old tyrant?Copy !req
157. I wouldn't know,
Mr. Cube.Copy !req
158. I have only ever been employedCopy !req
159. by the most kind and generous
of households.Copy !req
160. Yeah, that wasn't really
the answer I was looking for.Copy !req
161. Wait.Copy !req
162. Genius idea coming.Copy !req
163. Pow!Copy !req
164. How's your eyesight,
Jeeves?Copy !req
165. Excellent.Copy !req
166. Oh yeah?Copy !req
167. Can you read this?Copy !req
168. "I am so very,
very miserable."Copy !req
169. Great.Copy !req
170. Now hold this onion.Copy !req
171. MRS.
It was the strangest dream.Copy !req
172. I was in a pre-owned
luxury sedanCopy !req
173. that hardly cost me a cent.Copy !req
174. Honey, that was no dream.Copy !req
175. There are tons of affordable,
top-of-the-line carsCopy !req
176. at Crosswire Motors
every day.Copy !req
177. Bailey, it's me.Copy !req
178. I need to talk to you.Copy !req
179. Don't worry,
I dodged them.Copy !req
180. Do you think
I'm coming acrossCopy !req
181. as mean and spoiled
in this show?Copy !req
182. It is a distinct possibility,
Miss Muffy.Copy !req
183. But...Copy !req
184. I'm not really like that.Copy !req
185. Am I?Copy !req
186. No, Miss Muffy.Copy !req
187. And may I be so bold
as to ask:Copy !req
188. Am I a spineless jellyfish?Copy !req
189. Of course not, Bailey.Copy !req
190. You're the bravest, strongest,
noblest person I know.Copy !req
191. Except for Daddy.Copy !req
192. Quite.Copy !req
193. This is terrible.Copy !req
194. What are we going to do?Copy !req
195. Perhaps henceforth, we should
ignore Mr. Cube's suggestionsCopy !req
196. and simply treat each other
normally.Copy !req
197. Oh!Copy !req
198. Oh, dear.Copy !req
199. I'm terribly sorry,
Miss Muffy.Copy !req
200. It's all right, Bailey.Copy !req
201. I'll just change my shirt
after breakfast.Copy !req
202. Did that bumbling oaf
just spill juiceCopy !req
203. all over your priceless
new dress?Copy !req
204. It's not new.Copy !req
205. And it was on sale
when I bought it.Copy !req
206. Crosswires never pay retail.Copy !req
207. Anyway, it was just an accident.Copy !req
208. An accident?Copy !req
209. You've been a butler
for 50 yearsCopy !req
210. and now this snob
is calling you clumsy?Copy !req
211. I am 37, Mr. Cube.Copy !req
212. And Miss Muffy called me
no such thing.Copy !req
213. Okay, people, look.Copy !req
214. I just need this scene to be
a little more exciting, okay?Copy !req
215. So, you know,
act that way.Copy !req
216. No!Copy !req
217. Excuse me?Copy !req
218. If my family isn't
exciting enough for you,Copy !req
219. go film someone else.Copy !req
220. But from now on,
I'm just going to be myself.Copy !req
221. Ha!Copy !req
222. Listen, kid,
I'm Jimmy Johnny Johnson,Copy !req
223. creator of There's a Bear
in My House,Copy !req
224. and no one wants to see a show
about the real you.Copy !req
225. You know why?Copy !req
226. It's boring!Copy !req
227. You can't talk
to my daughter that way.Copy !req
228. I want you both to leave
this instant.Copy !req
229. That was not an accident.Copy !req
230. I asked for fresh strawberries!Copy !req
231. What's this?Copy !req
232. No!Copy !req
233. No.Copy !req
234. No!Copy !req
235. Bailey!Copy !req
236. Bailey!Copy !req
237. Bailey!Copy !req
238. I am so very, very miserable.Copy !req
239. I can't hold this
any longer...Copy !req
240. J-
Stay tuned for more
of the half-hour specialCopy !req
241. Caught in the Crosswires:
A Family on the BRINK.Copy !req
242. It's all like that.Copy !req
243. J-Cube only had enough footage
for a half-hour,Copy !req
244. but they're going to air itCopy !req
245. over and over again
for three weeks.Copy !req
246. Well, I certainly don't have
to see any more.Copy !req
247. Me neither.Copy !req
248. And I'm telling everyone
I know not to watch.Copy !req
249. I thought it was amazing!Copy !req
250. I mean,
amazingly bad.Copy !req
251. I won't watch it either.Copy !req
252. Thanks, guys.Copy !req
253. It wasn't a total loss, though.Copy !req
254. I got a great idea
for a show out of it.Copy !req
255. It's called
Bad Reality TV Producer.Copy !req
256. That is genius.Copy !req
257. Pow!Copy !req
258. And now...Copy !req
259. Who knows a fancy word
for "problem"?Copy !req
260. Conflict.Copy !req
261. This is my second-grade class.Copy !req
262. My class is talking
about conflicts.Copy !req
263. And whenever we have conflicts,Copy !req
264. we have to come up with ways
of solving them, right?Copy !req
265. Muffy and Bailey were pretending
to have a conflict.Copy !req
266. That's kind of like
what we were doing.Copy !req
267. You're going to come up
with examples of conflictsCopy !req
268. or problems that any
second-grader could face.Copy !req
269. We had actors
who explain the problem.Copy !req
270. You accidentally bumped
into someone at recessCopy !req
271. and now they are hurt
and crying.Copy !req
272. Ow, you pushed me
on purpose!Copy !req
273. It was an accident.Copy !req
274. It appears as though
we have a conflict.Copy !req
275. Does anyone have a suggestion?Copy !req
276. My idea is Jared can offer her
to go to the nurse.Copy !req
277. You want to go to the nurse?Copy !req
278. Sure.Copy !req
279. We're practicing ways
to solve conflicts.Copy !req
280. Your tablemate accused you
of taking their eraser,Copy !req
281. but you didn't do it.Copy !req
282. Why did you take
my eraser?Copy !req
283. I didn't.Copy !req
284. Yes, you did.Copy !req
285. No, I didn't.Copy !req
286. Does anyone have an idea?Copy !req
287. Andrew could say,Copy !req
288. "Even though I didn't
take your eraser,Copy !req
289. I could help you find it."Copy !req
290. We found it!Copy !req
291. Hey, can I use that ball?Copy !req
292. I'm using it right now.Copy !req
293. I want to use it.Copy !req
294. I want to use it.Copy !req
295. I want to use it.Copy !req
296. I want to use it.Copy !req
297. Does anyone have a suggestion?Copy !req
298. Maybe they should share
the ball together.Copy !req
299. They can both play with it
and they don't have to fight.Copy !req
300. We learned that lots of problems
can happen to you,Copy !req
301. but there's always a way
to figure them out.Copy !req
302. And now...Copy !req
303. When you're a member
of high society like me,Copy !req
304. you have certain
responsibilities.Copy !req
305. You must know the correct
utensil to useCopy !req
306. at a formal dinner.Copy !req
307. The primi amuse-bouche,
Miss Muffy.Copy !req
308. Garden pea stuffed
with pheasant ragout.Copy !req
309. You must have the right outfit
for any occasion.Copy !req
310. Muffin?Copy !req
311. You almost ready?Copy !req
312. The ribbon cutting for the tire
store is in 20 minutes.Copy !req
313. Ta-da!Copy !req
314. And you must be immortalized
on canvasCopy !req
315. by a very important artist.Copy !req
316. This is Daddy.Copy !req
317. "Wow," right?Copy !req
318. Mummy.Copy !req
319. Isn't she beautiful?Copy !req
320. And Chip.Copy !req
321. What a card.Copy !req
322. I, however, opted for something
a tiny bit different,Copy !req
323. but I think it really
captures me.Copy !req
324. What do you think?Copy !req
325. It's a rerun.Copy !req
326. So? It's still my TV time.Copy !req
327. But you've seen that episode
a million times.Copy !req
328. Mary Moo Cow
gets better with age.Copy !req
329. And now let's meet the winner,Copy !req
330. Buster Baxter.Copy !req
331. What?Copy !req
332. So Buster, how does it feel
to have wonCopy !req
333. the Best Young Artist awardCopy !req
334. for this year's Elwood City
arts festival?Copy !req
335. Good.Copy !req
336. There you have it.Copy !req
337. He feels good.Copy !req
338. Back to you, Bob.Copy !req
339. He's the best young artist?Copy !req
340. Puh-leeze.Copy !req
341. I've seen Buster's drawings.Copy !req
342. His cows are lumpy.Copy !req
343. I didn't even know
he'd entered that contest.Copy !req
344. Thank you.Copy !req
345. Thanks, everyone.Copy !req
346. This is amazing,
Buster.Copy !req
347. I didn't know
you could paint.Copy !req
348. I didn't know either
until last February 3rd.Copy !req
349. What happened
on February 3rd?Copy !req
350. My horoscope.Copy !req
351. It said, "You will discover
a hidden talent."Copy !req
352. So I tried out this
paint set my mom got me,Copy !req
353. and the rest is history.Copy !req
354. What's that thing
sticking out of his elbow?Copy !req
355. A brain.Copy !req
356. See, that alien is
from the Planet Tabooni,Copy !req
357. where they have their brains
on their elbows.Copy !req
358. And it's a "she."Copy !req
359. Are they all aliens?Copy !req
360. Uh-huh.Copy !req
361. I'm in my "extra-terrestrial
period."Copy !req
362. That's art-talk for when
you're obsessed with paintingCopy !req
363. in this one style.Copy !req
364. Well done, son.Copy !req
365. You've really captured
the essence of...Copy !req
366. something.Copy !req
367. How would you like
your first commission?Copy !req
368. Sure.Copy !req
369. What's a commission?Copy !req
370. Daddy wants you
to paint my portrait.Copy !req
371. Personally, I prefer "normal"
art, but I've got a hunchCopy !req
372. that these just might be
worth something someday.Copy !req
373. Okay.Copy !req
374. How much do you charge?Copy !req
375. Um, well...Copy !req
376. Free snacks
would be nice, and...Copy !req
377. It's a deal.Copy !req
378. See you tomorrow.Copy !req
379. I should've asked
for juice, too.Copy !req
380. You have to stay
absolutely stillCopy !req
381. or I won't be able
to do this.Copy !req
382. Okay.Copy !req
383. Can I see?Copy !req
384. Nope.Copy !req
385. Hmm...Copy !req
386. How about now?Copy !req
387. Don't move.Copy !req
388. What about now?Copy !req
389. Uh-uh.Copy !req
390. How long is this going to take?Copy !req
391. About eight hours.Copy !req
392. What?Copy !req
393. You'll just have to work
from a photo.Copy !req
394. Bailey!Copy !req
395. Done.Copy !req
396. Oh, it's a masterpiece!Copy !req
397. What?Copy !req
398. You've got to be kidding me.Copy !req
399. What?Copy !req
400. You don't like it?Copy !req
401. Intriguing.Copy !req
402. Is that her nose
or her ear?Copy !req
403. Both.Copy !req
404. See, I've painted her
as a Norf-troll;Copy !req
405. they're from the
Centurinus SystemCopy !req
406. and their hearing
and sense of smell are combined.Copy !req
407. I don't want to be a...Copy !req
408. whatever you said.Copy !req
409. I want you to paint me as me.Copy !req
410. Well, it is you.Copy !req
411. It's just...Copy !req
412. Ugly.Copy !req
413. I look like a tuna melt.Copy !req
414. Daddy, tell him he has
to make me look pretty.Copy !req
415. There'd be more snacks,
of course...Copy !req
416. It's okay.Copy !req
417. I can paint another one.Copy !req
418. I wasn't trying
to make you ugly.Copy !req
419. But it's important to me
that you like the painting.Copy !req
420. Thank you.Copy !req
421. I'm sorry I was mean.Copy !req
422. I'm sure it's very prettyCopy !req
423. if you're a Dorf-toad
or whatever.Copy !req
424. I can't take it anymore.Copy !req
425. She's never satisfied.Copy !req
426. So why don't you just quit?Copy !req
427. I keep thinking that
if I try a little harder,Copy !req
428. I'll make something she likes.Copy !req
429. But I can't draw people.Copy !req
430. Only aliens.Copy !req
431. You just need more practice.Copy !req
432. Here, draw me.Copy !req
433. What?Copy !req
434. That's not me.Copy !req
435. It's how I see you.Copy !req
436. See, this is your head,
about to explode.Copy !req
437. And you have 18 arms
because you're good at sports.Copy !req
438. You're an alien
from Planet Voton.Copy !req
439. Oh, I get it.Copy !req
440. Not bad.Copy !req
441. Hey, do me.Copy !req
442. And you're from
Planet Transparix.Copy !req
443. You're clear because
you've got nothing to hide.Copy !req
444. Big heart, big glasses,
and two left feet.Copy !req
445. Huh.Copy !req
446. You know what?Copy !req
447. You really are an artist.Copy !req
448. No fooling.Copy !req
449. You should paint Muffy as you
really see her, then explain it.Copy !req
450. Really?Copy !req
451. Okay, then.Copy !req
452. Well, it's completely
ridiculous.Copy !req
453. And I hate the green.Copy !req
454. That is not my color.Copy !req
455. But green
represents money.Copy !req
456. Crosswire money.Copy !req
457. And my eyebrows
look so pointy.Copy !req
458. And why did you
make me so boxy?Copy !req
459. Because you're a car.Copy !req
460. Or rather, you're
from the Planet Carmania.Copy !req
461. Don't you get it?Copy !req
462. Eyebrows, head, torso...Copy !req
463. So all you have to do is
repaint the head and the body,Copy !req
464. make a new background, change
all the colors, and you're done.Copy !req
465. Could you finish these revisions
by Monday?Copy !req
466. That'd be so great.Copy !req
467. Bye.Copy !req
468. Um, am I
in the right place?Copy !req
469. Oui.Copy !req
470. Come on in.Copy !req
471. Asseyez-vous.Copy !req
472. That means "sit down" in French.Copy !req
473. So I showed her the portrait
and she said, "Egad."Copy !req
474. And a lot of other bad words
that I don't care to repeat.Copy !req
475. Hah.Copy !req
476. We don't paint their way,
Van Gogh.Copy !req
477. We paint our way.Copy !req
478. The great Arcimboldo, here...Copy !req
479. I mean, does that
Portrait of a LibrarianCopy !req
480. look like a librarian?Copy !req
481. Not at all.Copy !req
482. It's preposterous.Copy !req
483. And when I,
Toulouse-Lautrec,Copy !req
484. paint a portrait,
I am often told,Copy !req
485. "But I don't look like that."Copy !req
486. And I say, "You will."Copy !req
487. So where is your portrait,
young artist?Copy !req
488. Here.Copy !req
489. Sacre bleu.Copy !req
490. Mon dieu.Copy !req
491. Yeah, except she hates it.Copy !req
492. She wants me to make
a bunch of changes.Copy !req
493. Bah.Copy !req
494. The notes of an imbecile.Copy !req
495. Ignore them.Copy !req
496. You are an artist.Copy !req
497. This is a masterpiece.Copy !req
498. Toulouse-Lautrec is right.Copy !req
499. I am an artist.Copy !req
500. Hear me roar.Copy !req
501. That felt good.Copy !req
502. Here.Copy !req
503. This is you.Copy !req
504. Painted by me.Copy !req
505. You can like it or not,Copy !req
506. but I will not paint
the way you want me to.Copy !req
507. Okay?Copy !req
508. From now on,
I paint like me.Copy !req
509. You didn't make any
of the revisions I asked for.Copy !req
510. And what's that?Copy !req
511. Oh, something
Toulouse LautrecCopy !req
512. suggested to me
in my dream.Copy !req
513. Nice, right?Copy !req
514. Wrong.Copy !req
515. You can tell this "Toulouse"
I wouldn't hire himCopy !req
516. if he was the last
painter on earth.Copy !req
517. I can't tell him
because he's dead.Copy !req
518. Well, then I definitely
won't hire him.Copy !req
519. Or you.Copy !req
520. You can kiss all those
free snacks good-bye,Copy !req
521. and the grand unveiling party
I was going to arrange.Copy !req
522. You were going to arrange
an unveiling party?Copy !req
523. For my painting?Copy !req
524. A party?Copy !req
525. You would trade your artistic
soul for cake and ice cream?Copy !req
526. Well, it depends
on the cake.Copy !req
527. No.Copy !req
528. You must be strong.Copy !req
529. You're right.Copy !req
530. I'll be strong.Copy !req
531. I'm not changing a thing.Copy !req
532. MR.
Did you paint that, Buster?Copy !req
533. Most interesting.Copy !req
534. Ah, I get it.Copy !req
535. Muffy as an automobile.Copy !req
536. A driving force,
tireless, determined.Copy !req
537. And yet this ribbon connotesCopy !req
538. a softer,
more vulnerable side.Copy !req
539. It captures her perfectly.Copy !req
540. Wait a minute.Copy !req
541. You see all that?Copy !req
542. Absolutely.Copy !req
543. Okay, everyone,
let's open our history books.Copy !req
544. I changed my mind.Copy !req
545. I'll keep it.Copy !req
546. Thank you.Copy !req
547. Thanks, everyone.Copy !req
548. So how does it feelCopy !req
549. to have Muffy finally
like your painting?Copy !req
550. You know, it feels
really, really...Copy !req
551. Good.Copy !req
552. To watch more ArthurCopy !req
553. and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,Copy !req
554. visit pbskids.org.Copy !req
555. You can find Arthur books
and lots of other books, tooCopy !req
556. at your local library.Copy !req