1. During her senior year of high school,
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2. Maeby Funke was dating this boy.
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3. How was that?
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4. Perfecto.
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5. His name was Perfecto Telles.
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6. And if you do my Spanish,
I'll teach you how to French.
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7. Everyone could see that
they had chemistry together,
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8. but they really bonded
in Donnie Richter's algebra class.
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9. I don't want to embarrass anyone,
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10. so, everyone, close your eyes, close 'em.
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11. Now, if you passed the test,
go ahead and get up
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12. and exit the classroom.
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13. Does that include the crew?
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14. No, the Babies Having Babies crew
can keep their eyes open.
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15. - 38.
- Oh, 43.
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16. That's because I'm good with num—
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17. Oh, no, actually it's 34.
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18. If it's dumb to stay behind with you,
call me a dummy.
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19. We don't say "dummy,"
and unfortunately you two alge-tards
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20. are going to need some special tutoring.
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21. Which is how they found
themselves headed to the local college,
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22. along with the other
math-challenged students.
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23. Hey, when we get there,
don't forget you're Perfecto's woman.
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24. I don't want to hear about some
smooth college guy who stole you away.
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25. Are you kidding me?
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26. What kind of loser spends his free time
tutoring high school kids?
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27. This kind.
- Hey, you must be...
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28. What?
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29. George Michael?
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30. Now the story of what happened
when the one man
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31. who was holding his family together
finally let go,
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32. and the separate journeys that
eventually gave them no choice
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33. but to come back together.
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34. It's Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences.
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35. Maeby had just discovered that the tutor
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36. for her senior year
high school algebra class...
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37. Huh, what is this?
What are you doing here?
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38. was her age, her cousin,
and a senior in college.
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39. As I live and breathe, I...
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40. I thought you were the girl.
I'm supposed to tutor a kid from—
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41. High school, yeah, that's me.
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42. Crazy. That is just crazy.
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43. But, wait, why are you in high school?
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44. Didn't we graduate together
five years ago?
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45. It was a decent question.
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46. After all, it had been several years
since the precocious Maeby
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47. had already fooled a major studio
into making her a film executive.
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48. - My first project is about my family.
- Ooh!
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49. Which is why I thought
you'd be a perfect assistant,
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50. - you know where the bodies are buried.
- I even helped bury some of them.
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51. Maeby was only 17 at the time.
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52. - Totally.
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53. But even more provocatively,
it was also a time during which
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54. the two cousins got somewhat intimate.
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55. You might not even be related to us.
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56. But later, while fleeing
both his own feelings
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57. and a disaster-bound family party
on the Queen Mary,
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58. George Michael got some advice...
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59. She might not be a blood relative,
but she is still family.
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60. from a man experienced
in the folly of fleeing from a family.
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61. So upon returning
to the Coast Guard headquarters,
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62. George Michael found the girl
he now had to back away from
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63. on her back.
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64. What are you doing?
- Shh! Shh!
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65. Trying to get my parents to notice me.
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66. I've been here for, like,
an hour and a half.
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67. It had been seven minutes.
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68. You think it would help if I went over
and said, like, "Hey, Maeby's dead"?
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69. No, that would just mean
that they notice you.
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70. - Oh, right, like I'm dying.
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71. There's nothing keeping us together.
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72. I believe we're thinking the same thing.
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73. Obviously they've just got a lot on their
plate right now. They're clearly busy.
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74. - It's from nothing.
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75. But, you know, I'm actually—
I'm glad to have a moment alone with you,
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76. because it gives us a chance
to talk about us.
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77. You know, I really care about you.
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78. Oh, boy, here we go.
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79. You want to get more serious.
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80. And Maeby didn't, because—
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81. and I never told you this,
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82. but George Michael
wasn't a very good kisser.
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83. It seems he both used his tongue
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84. to fend off the intruding tongue,
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85. while the upper lip tended to retract,
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86. revealing an exposed area
from the front teeth to the canines.
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87. Really just rookie mistakes,
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88. but all of it conspired
to make Maeby concerned
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89. about him wanting to get more serious.
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90. - No, less serious.
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91. My dad doesn't think it's such a good idea
for you and me to be together.
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92. And that doesn't make me hotter to you?
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93. No, I could see that argument,
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94. but I just really need to focus
on graduating right now,
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95. and maybe you should, too, you know.
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96. Maybe that's the best way
to get your parents' attention.
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97. That's a great idea.
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98. I've got two months to flunk.
That's gotta disappoint them.
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99. And that's what she set out to do...
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100. So for some reason, they didn't
send me a cap and gown,
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101. And I was gonna make one out of sheets,
but I couldn't find...
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102. only to discover
that Maeby's graduation
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103. wasn't top-of-mind for her parents.
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104. They left town.
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105. So she put her plan to put
her graduation on hold on hold
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106. and headed off to India...
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107. No, we do not need that many extras.
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108. for her ironic job that was
becoming less ironic and more job.
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109. Okay, do we have to pay them
in money or in rice?
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110. They're in the union.
You have to pay with rice.
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111. The movie she was supervising
was the latest
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112. in her "terrifying grandmother"
Gangie franchise,
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113. this one taking place in India.
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114. All right, I say we get 10,000 extras,
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115. - and then that way we have it.
- We have it.
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116. Yeah, we have it.
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117. I'm going to start wearing this back home.
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118. Someone tell her to shave her arms,
poor thing.
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119. And soon, she and her team
arrived and headed off to the hotel...
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120. - "Gan-jeez."
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121. Gangie on the Ganges?
That doesn't even make sense.
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122. where she found out
why her mother wasn't at the graduation
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123. that Maeby also wasn't not at.
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124. You don't get it.
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125. I'm not used to third world hotels.
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126. No, you don't get it.
You're so full of
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127. You have got to be kidding me.
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128. Do we have a hair and makeup crew with us?
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129. Pretty makeup or scary makeup?
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130. Scary.
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131. Well, I think we have the crew that did
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
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132. Perfect.
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133. You must live life truthfully.
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134. And that's how Lindsay ended up
getting this spiritual advice
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135. from her own daughter.
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136. - I'm so full of passion.
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137. Yeah, yeah.
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138. Pull your head out of the sand.
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139. Love is where you left it.
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140. The only person back home is Tobias.
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141. You have no children?
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142. No. Why do you ask?
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143. Well, yes, a daughter.
She's away at boarding school in England.
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144. Is that where we left it?
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145. Although you'd think this
would have given her away.
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146. And soon she returned in time
for what was supposed
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147. to be a going off to college party…
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148. - Congratulations!
- Thanks.
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149. for George Michael.
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150. - We are so proud.
- We have a little something for you.
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151. No, you don't have to do anything.
I mean, you threw me this meeting.
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152. A little something something to buy a car.
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153. Really?
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154. It was something Maeby was certain
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155. would set off alarm bells
for her own parents.
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156. But the party wouldn't last long.
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157. You know what, I am done with this family.
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158. I hope you've saved some money
'cause you're gonna need every dime now.
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159. What's this? Return it. Or rip it up.
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160. - Michael.
- Come on. Give it a rip.
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161. Rip it up, right down the center.
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162. That's it. Rip it.
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163. Couple more. Did you get it?
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164. Proud of you.
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165. - Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, George Michael.
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166. But don't worry,
Michael did make sure his son got a car
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167. in time to be sent off to college.
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168. And although he would arrive
without his possessions,
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169. he was eager to find a place
where he could fit right in.
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170. Hey, hey, check it out!
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171. Fortunately, he was
resourceful when distancing himself
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172. from the tarnished Bluth family name.
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173. No. No, no.
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174. What?
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175. During his freshman year,
George Michael hit the ground running.
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176. He was breaking some of the old taboos,
drinking Pepsi in the morning.
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177. So that's a breakfast combo with a Pepsi.
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178. Sometimes having some eggs at night.
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179. Excuse me, I forgot it wasn't morning.
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180. He was soon finding that others
enjoyed his sense of humor.
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181. Meanwhile, Maeby was working on
getting her parents to notice...
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182. Going back to school. Senior year!
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183. that she was now in her second
or sophomore senior year.
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184. And perhaps it was the size of the home...
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185. No one cares?
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186. But the surprise of her
still being in high school...
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187. This is when drugs become an issue.
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188. went undetected...
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189. Time for babies having babies!
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190. Is Babies Having Babies on?
That's my favorite show.
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191. by a father focused
on his acting career
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192. - and a mother focused on herself.
- Maeby, you're gonna be late for school.
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193. God, they grow up so slowly
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194. But if the collapse
of the housing market,
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195. Tobias' lack of auditions,
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196. or even the unnecessary writers' strike
didn't open their eyes
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197. the suicide of their ruined and despondent
real estate and talent agent
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198. certainly would.
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199. A warning, in a way. His message, perhaps,
to live within our means
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200. and be realistic about our lives.
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201. Then I shall redouble my efforts
so that he died in vain.
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202. And yet it didn't.
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203. Meaning he will have led a pointless life,
is what I mean. Yes, carry on. Thank you.
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204. Although they did try to have
one Thanksgiving together as a family…
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205. - We have a lot to be thankful for.
- Including Duck L'Orange!
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206. A lack of attention to detail
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207. with regard to the prep phase
of the cooking
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208. resulted in them eating out at
the Fountain Valley China Garden instead.
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209. Okay, we cook duck for you.
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210. Still, Maeby was ready
to pull the plug on the high school ruse,
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211. when this happened.
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212. Look, I'm sorry, Tobias,
but we're trying to save something
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213. that just couldn't be saved.
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214. It seems Tobias and Lindsay
had recently met another couple, Marky and DeBrie, at what
Tobias thought was an acting class,
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215. but that turned out to be
a methadone clinic.
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216. Soon they joined them for a double date
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217. at a merchandise-for-food
barter restaurant,
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218. and after some improv,
Lindsay connected with Marky,
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219. only to run away from a life
she felt wasn't working.
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220. And I have to follow my shaman's advice.
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221. I have to be true to myself.
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222. Can you delete this so I can
leave a message for Maeby?
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223. Lindsay, I have met someone.
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224. It's not important who it is.
It's Sue Storm!
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225. Tobias had made a similar swap
at the swapping-themed restaurant
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226. after connecting with
the one-time Fantastic Four actress.
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227. We're both actors, anyway...
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228. Erase this message,
and I'll leave her a mess—
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229. Maeby, honey, Daddy has insisted
on raising you alone.
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230. But at least her father was choked up.
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231. Maeby, your daddy's
not going to be around anymore.
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232. Excuse me, I swallowed a bug there.
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233. Your daddy's not going
to be around anymore.
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234. So each of her parents thought
she was with the other,
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235. - which meant she had the house to herself.
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236. This is the Widow Carr,
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237. and for some reason
it's my job to tell you,
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238. since you never made payment,
your house is being foreclosed.
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239. Briefly.
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240. Also, Tobias, you got a callback
for something called The Big BangTheory.
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241. Unattended and needing
an income, Maeby returned to work.
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242. Only to discover—
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243. - Guess what. I'll just tell you.
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244. I feel like we'll be here forever,
and I have a meeting.
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245. You're fired.
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246. She'd been replaced.
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247. Why?
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248. Because you don't have
a high school diploma,
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249. and we have a very strict policy here,
that everyone has to have a diploma
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250. on account of the fact
that Ron never graduated.
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251. - Actually, I was thinking
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252. I wasn't gonna have to fire you
'cause it's been on Deadline all day.
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253. How did they find out?
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254. I told them.
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255. And so she decided to embark
on her third, or junior,
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256. senior year of high school.
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257. While George Michael's sophomore year
of college began with a—
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258. Boom!
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259. And that's what we call
only being behind by three!
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260. So that stuff's all going on
with the Sitwell Company
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261. and then, we end up playing them
in a softball game!
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262. loyal friends.
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263. I'm like, "How can..."
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264. Romance.
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265. Betrayal.
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266. - Becky.
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267. - You guys broke up.
- Thanks, Ray. I almost forgot.
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268. The triumph of friendship.
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269. What's up, Ray?
Oh, thanks, Ray. I almost forgot!
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270. Know what I was just thinking about?
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271. And as surely as stability returned,
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272. junior year ushered
in a new era of experimentation.
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273. It's all about the science of kissing
between a man and a woman.
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274. That always has fascinated me!
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275. - Sheila will take you.
As George Michael tried
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276. to compensate
for his lack of income from his father
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277. by volunteering for experiments.
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278. Hi.
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279. So I don't run off?
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280. - I hope you're not feeling too awkward.
- Don't be crazy.
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281. Now, when the mouth-to-mouth test
begins,
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282. I'm gonna be yelling out letters
that indicate mouth movements.
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283. What I need you to do is give me on
a scale of 1 to 10, your pleasure level.
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284. - Fine.
- 10, the most pleasurable, 1, the least.
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285. Let's hope we get to 10.
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286. Well, work our way up to it.
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287. Bringing in the mouth unit!
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288. And that's when he realized
what the straps were for.
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289. Is that— I guess it's not a—
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290. - I think one on C.
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291. M?
- One on M.
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292. - One for sure on M. One.
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293. - One.
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294. - One. One.
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295. Moving to deep French!
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296. Meanwhile, with no job,
no place to live and no parents around,
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297. Maeby moved into her grandparents'
vacated penthouse.
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298. What?
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299. And that's when Maeby did what
we in the entertainment industry
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300. call Deadlining.
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301. But the penthouse wasn't free for long.
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302. So she retreated to
the now abandoned model home,
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303. where she discovered it's a lot harder
to get out of a Bluth home...
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304. Pieces of
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305. than into one.
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306. George Michael, however,
was in a much more exotic location
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307. for his college junior semester abroad.
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308. When after months of trying not to be
an imposing guest in his new country,
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309. he was ready for a summer that would
end up turning life upside down.
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310. When the woman whose children
he was nannying...
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311. opened him up sexually.
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312. Did Ernesto get his four o'clock?
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313. The drones are coming!
Nothing matters now!
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314. The teeth!
They must not be used like this.
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315. It was actually
a jaw and lip retraction issue,
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316. but she had neither a command of
the language nor the data that we do.
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317. You make love like a boy!
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318. Spanish! Speak to me in Spanish
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319. because the only way
the college credit is activated is if I—
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320. Cook at
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321. Overpower me! Yes.
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322. - Make me cry.
- You're a terrible mother!
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323. It was a very different
George Michael
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324. that returned to school for senior year.
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325. Eager to unleash his new overt sexuality
on an unsuspecting campus.
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326. It gets better!
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327. And for George Michael,
senior year did get better.
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328. He was like a king returning
to his castle.
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329. I feel like a king returning
to his castle.
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330. Only to discover that
they thought he was two kings.
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331. Welcome to your castle!
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332. And they had doubled
the size of his castle
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333. Double castle...
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334. Can't wait to meet Michael, George.
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335. It would be the perfect backdrop
to unveil George Michael 2.0.
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336. But George Michael's
development was about to be forestalled.
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337. - Dad.
- Pete died.
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338. Oh.
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339. - Don't worry about it.
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340. Don't you worry about it.
I like this! I like the mustache.
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341. - It's kind of fun.
- That's great.
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342. Probably gonna want to shave it off
before the start of next quarter,
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343. or they're gonna think you're a musician.
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344. And perhaps it was the fact
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345. that she had never really
disappointed her parents,
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346. and they were getting older,
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347. or it was because of the lack of internet
at the model home.
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348. That is it. This is like living in 1999.
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349. But that's when Maeby began
her final, or senior,
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350. senior year of high school,
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351. And it ultimately led to this.
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352. But it's illegal, right?
Can't you go to jail?
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353. Only if you're caught.
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354. So I'm still gonna stay in high school
till my parents notice me.
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355. You know, just, like, let them think,
"Oh, no, should we be worried?
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356. - Yeah.
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357. Well, I mean, isn't it
kind of a little immature
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358. to try and make
your parents worry like that?
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359. That's good.
I'm gonna try and work that in there.
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360. No, I think it's in there.
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361. Yeah, well, let's get you in here before
our third roommate shows up.
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362. - That's Paul Haun.
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363. Yeah, well, one guy
is just kind of crashing here.
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364. It can't be worse than living
with your dad.
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365. It's not. No, it's not worse than that.
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366. And later, she was joined by her uncle.
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367. Didn't say it was your cousin.
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368. That's smart, let him think
there's a girl in here.
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369. We were just complaining
about roommates.
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370. P-Hound.
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371. - I thought it was the other one.
- No, it was P-Hound, yeah.
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372. He's the worst. See, I think if
George Michael and I didn't have
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373. each other as roommates,
we'd be going crazy.
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374. And for a moment,
Maeby felt superior to her cousin—
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375. And her uncle for that matter.
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376. Actually, have you told her
about your software?
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377. - He's got this privacy software.
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378. Keeps people from stealing your stuff.
Tell her, pal.
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379. Maeby tried to hide her jealousy.
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380. So it's privacy software
that's also anti
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381. You have a way of doing this?
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382. Well, it's just a Boolean-driven
aggregation, really,
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383. of what programmers call "hacker-traps..."
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384. But as she listened
to her cousin discuss computer technology
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385. she had no understanding of,
she lost that feeling of superiority,
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386. and her self-esteem plummeted
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387. as she started to question the entirety
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388. of what she'd done with her life
for the last several years.
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389. and they want to steal
your music and copy your movies
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390. or just look at your photos,
you know, this prevents that.
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391. It just neutralizes that
so it's not even a threat.
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392. It's called Fakeblock.
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393. Great name.
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394. Well, it's super low-hanging fruit.
Someone's gonna do it.
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395. We're just trying to be those guys.
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396. Maeby was feeling discouraged
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397. as she got back on the bus
for high school.
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398. You want to get high
with us behind the gym?
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399. Wait, we don't know her.
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400. I hear there's an undercover cop
at school.
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401. Can you imagine
what kind of loser pretends
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402. to be in high school
when they're in their 20s?
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403. It's pretty gutsy, right?
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404. I mean, it's better
to take the risk, right?
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405. Yeah, maybe you're right.
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406. Cop.
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407. Hey, how was your tutor?
He gonna take you away from me?
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408. Not until his software hits
and he can buy me an apartment.
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409. I'm living in a hole.
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410. I hear they're hiring at Chipotle.
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411. And that's when Maeby realized
her parents weren't the only ones
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412. who'd stopped paying attention
to her life.
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413. Can I get a Macallan 12 neat, water back?
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414. ID?
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415. Actually, can we make it— marry me.
A Wild Turkey?
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416. - There you go.
- Thank you.
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417. I'm supposed to believe you're 17?
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418. Oh, no, sorry.
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419. That's my fake for sneaking back
into high school.
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420. Here we go, 23.
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421. It was finally clear to Maeby
that she needed to graduate high school.
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422. Although while she was away from the bar,
Perfecto showed up
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423. Hey, Perfecto!
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424. - No, no, no, he's with us.
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425. Show him your badge.
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426. And that's when Maeby realized
Perfecto wasn't a graduating senior.
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427. He's a cop.
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428. And she wouldn't be either.
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429. On the next Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences. Maeby returns to high school to find
another senior who shouldn't be there.
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430. out of me.
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431. And worried about graduating,
Maeby seeks a legal opinion
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432. who happens to know this part
of the law very well.
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433. After 21, it is illegal for you to enroll
in high school in California.
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434. As a matter of fact, you cannot even lurk.
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435. "Lurk."
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436. Okay, so what do I do?
Because the guy who caught me
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437. goes to school with me.
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438. You get something incriminating on him.
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439. Call me in the office, we'll discuss it,
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440. and then I can also keep a record,
for billing and so forth.
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441. And Maeby proves to be...
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442. Maybe I'll keep a record of it,
follow up with my own bill.
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443. a gifted incriminator.
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444. Oh, very good.
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445. You should be the lawyer.
Very good. Pro bono.
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446. And Tobias becomes addicted
to his new profession.
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447. I'm starving.
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448. Yes, you are starving!
So, would you like some butter?
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449. I could give you some butter,
and you can pay for it with a shoe.
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450. I'm sorry, but his guy's
not giving my guy anything to react to.
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