1. On the top of a hillside,Copy !req
2. deep in the mountains
of Shuturmurg, India,Copy !req
3. sits a mystical retreat long sought out
by those seeking answers...Copy !req
4. Is this real?Copy !req
5. to the questions that define us.Copy !req
6. I mean, is any of this real?Copy !req
7. How do I know what's real?Copy !req
8. You see me before you, yes?Copy !req
9. I am real to you.Copy !req
10. And this bag next to me,
it is as real as you or me.Copy !req
11. It was also known
for their bargains on designer handbags.Copy !req
12. No, I know that one's real.
I meant the other one, the Louis Vuitton.Copy !req
13. I don't remember Vuitton having two E's.Copy !req
14. Lindsay Bluth had come to India
for both reasons.Copy !req
15. That's how they do it here.
You can't go wrong.Copy !req
16. - Best bag on the mountain.
- I love this bag. I give you 64.Copy !req
17. - It's the best bag on the mountain!
- Lindsay's journey to the mountain topCopy !req
18. had been brief,
by spiritual sojourn standards.Copy !req
19. You just bought the best bag
on the mountain. Congratulations.Copy !req
20. - Best bag on the mountain.
- It had been only weeksCopy !req
21. since she heard the news that she wasn't
born to the family she couldn't bear.Copy !req
22. I'm adoptedCopy !req
23. She took that news rather well.Copy !req
24. Hey, we should do something
for your 40th next week.Copy !req
25. - And then heard some more that she didn't.
Get your!Copy !req
26. She's almost 40!Copy !req
27. And although she had a brief moment
of comeuppance with her mother...Copy !req
28. But I can't help but enjoy the ironyCopy !req
29. that you might be losing
three years off your life.Copy !req
30. She soon discovered
that Lucille was a womanCopy !req
31. who didn't like to be comeuppanced.Copy !req
32. And you have no right to criticize me.Copy !req
33. At least I was able
to turn my Queen around.Copy !req
34. - None taken.
Hi, Tobias.Copy !req
35. You cannot say one nice thing
to your daughter, can you?Copy !req
36. Adopted daughter.Copy !req
37. And that's not true.Copy !req
38. And perhaps that's when LindsayCopy !req
39. realized her mother would never accept her
as one of her own.Copy !req
40. Can I have
the Bluth family over here, please?Copy !req
41. And over here,
the victims of the Bluth family?Copy !req
42. And took her first steps away
from the Bluth family.Copy !req
43. Lindsay, you're going to the wrong area.Copy !req
44. Kenny, Chet, Curtis, Mike, Bix, and Gator
are over here.Copy !req
45. We should be over here at the Bluth area
with Gob and Buster and, uh...Copy !req
46. uh...Copy !req
47. Your brother, uh...Copy !req
48. - Michael. Yes.Copy !req
49. Sorry. I was thinking of Mike,
the hot seaman.Copy !req
50. No, where is Michael?Copy !req
51. It doesn't matter. He's not my brother.Copy !req
52. This isn't my family.Copy !req
53. No, I've spent years...Copy !req
54. Yes! Got my "Yes."Copy !req
55. I got that big "Yes."Copy !req
56. I've spent years trying to fit
into this family, and it's not me.Copy !req
57. My life is a fallacy.Copy !req
58. Yay!Copy !req
59. It's from nothing.
But it made her realize this, too.Copy !req
60. I don't know
if there's a right time to say this,Copy !req
61. but this marriage of ours,
it hasn't been working.Copy !req
62. Yeah, there's nothing keeping us together.Copy !req
63. It's time to give up our dreams
if they're not working.Copy !req
64. You know, your acting career,Copy !req
65. this marriage that everyone thinks
is a sham because you're gay.Copy !req
66. I'm sorry.Copy !req
67. Everyone thinks I'm gay?Copy !req
68. Well, I mean, it's kind of a running joke
in the family.Copy !req
69. I mean, you know that, right?Copy !req
70. 'Cause of the misleading way
you talk sometimes.Copy !req
71. You're saying the way I talk
makes me sound gay?Copy !req
72. When in the last year
have I said anything remotely miss...Copy !req
73. - ... leading.
- We're chasing things that aren't real.Copy !req
74. And maybe we need to go out thereCopy !req
75. and find out what we're meant to do.Copy !req
76. I believe we're thinking the same thing.Copy !req
77. - Yeah, we should end it.
- Let's give it another shot.Copy !req
78. To the head. Kill it. Yes.Copy !req
79. Tobias sat
with his wife's family, feeling lost.Copy !req
80. Well, you look like I feel.Copy !req
81. And very misunderstood.Copy !req
82. Gay?Copy !req
83. No, I...Copy !req
84. No.Copy !req
85. WhoCopy !req
86. when the one man
who was holding his family togetherCopy !req
87. finally let go,Copy !req
88. and the separate journeysCopy !req
89. that eventually gave them no choiceCopy !req
90. but to come back together.Copy !req
91. It's Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences.Copy !req
92. Lindsay was looking for inspiration
in finding a new path.Copy !req
93. And it only took until the "pray" section
of Eat Pray Love for her to find it.Copy !req
94. Soon, she was beginning a journey
to reinvent herself.Copy !req
95. I'm doing it again.Copy !req
96. I have to let go of these material things.Copy !req
97. To leave the trappings
of her old lifeCopy !req
98. and try to live with less.Copy !req
99. Her immersion into Indian cultureCopy !req
100. began even before reaching the airport.Copy !req
101. And so this daily prayer,
it connects one to the whole.Copy !req
102. Yes, the whole of humanity. Yes.Copy !req
103. - Stay in your lane, anus tart!Copy !req
104. anus tart!
- God.Copy !req
105. And after an hour or so
with SkyMall,Copy !req
106. where she was proud of herself
for only buying two things,Copy !req
107. a self-cleaning litter box
in case she ever got a cat,Copy !req
108. and an inflatable hat box
in case she ever got a hat,Copy !req
109. she got to a great article
in the in-flight magazineCopy !req
110. and found herself filling up
with inner peace and acceptance.Copy !req
111. I mean, not right away.Copy !req
112. What is she doing back there?Copy !req
113. Unfortunately, her journey
to let go of her baggageCopy !req
114. got off to a bad start at baggage claim,Copy !req
115. when she picked up
someone else's baggage...Copy !req
116. while hers was picked up
by this man.Copy !req
117. Yes, Tobias was confused
about his identity as well,Copy !req
118. which is why he couldn't resist a bookCopy !req
119. the universe had somehow
placed in his path.Copy !req
120. They're still reading it, but, well,
I guess I can leave them some love.Copy !req
121. So he just took
"Eat" and "Pray."Copy !req
122. "Eat" was easy, although it provided
no cosmic answers for him.Copy !req
123. But it was the part about India
that really got to him.Copy !req
124. And so, like the heroine of Eat, Pray...Copy !req
125. Tobias decided to get as far away
from his wife as possible.Copy !req
126. Coincidence.Copy !req
127. And so Tobias
found himself booking passage...Copy !req
128. To India.Copy !req
129. And soon,
he discovered his wifeCopy !req
130. was also preparing to go somewhere...Copy !req
131. I think you have my suitcase?Copy !req
132. far away.Copy !req
133. I'm so sorry, Tobias.
Look, I've already packed.Copy !req
134. Can I just use this one?Copy !req
135. Oh, what the heck!Copy !req
136. I guess having matching luggage
isn't so romantic anymore.Copy !req
137. And these romantic gestures are possibly
why people think I'm a homosexual.Copy !req
138. Well, it's time to correct
old misconceptions. And that is why I'm making a new start.Copy !req
139. A new start.
Filled with compassion and love.Copy !req
140. I like that.Copy !req
141. Well, I've already got the license plate,
so go cry in your pie!Copy !req
142. And so Tobias,
hoping to straighten out his image,Copy !req
143. set out on a new start.Copy !req
144. Beginning with a trip to the airportCopy !req
145. in an outfit he pretty much
put together himself.Copy !req
146. I guess this is why you never see them
driving convertibles.Copy !req
147. I'll have to check on that one.Copy !req
148. - But it certainly wasn't embraced...Copy !req
149. - Stay in your lane, anus tart!
anus tart!Copy !req
150. by the local Indian community.Copy !req
151. You know, you sense
the oneness in all.Copy !req
152. And they have normal toilets, right?Copy !req
153. And his quest
hit a bump early on,Copy !req
154. as he struggled to learn the customsCopy !req
155. and gestures of the culture
he hoped to adopt.Copy !req
156. Oh, God damn it! Am I the only one
who still dresses to fly?Copy !req
157. Well, there we go. India clean.Copy !req
158. Now, how did I...Copy !req
159. Unfortunately,
recreating the lookCopy !req
160. of the traditional Indian garb...Copy !req
161. Oh!
- ... turned out to be more difficult...Copy !req
162. I look like one of those
hot guys from Spartacus.Copy !req
163. without the aid of Pradeep,
the helpful Indian salesman...Copy !req
164. I feel like there was less up top.Copy !req
165. who helped him learn how to tie...Copy !req
166. - Ah, I've got it. Okay, that's—
Yes, I actually like this better.Copy !req
167. But he figured he'd wait a beat
on finding his true callingCopy !req
168. and watch something
to take his mind off Lindsay...Copy !req
169. How could they not have Failure to Launch?
It's an airplane.Copy !req
170. What is she doing back there?Copy !req
171. And after taking the wrong bag
at the airport,Copy !req
172. Tobias finally arrived in India...Copy !req
173. And so Tobias Funke embarked on a...
Oh, dear Lord, it's...Copy !req
174. where he was very uncomfortable.Copy !req
175. hot! Oh!Copy !req
176. Not only because the wind
whipped up his mini sarong...Copy !req
177. I'm Never Nude! Oh!Copy !req
178. but because he looked
the wrong directionCopy !req
179. when stepping into the street.Copy !req
180. Oh, my God.
DidCopy !req
181. Shouldn't we stop?Copy !req
182. No. It wasn't a cow.Copy !req
183. It was just a tourist.Copy !req
184. And this was how Lindsay's path
to living with less...Copy !req
185. This isn't my—Copy !req
186. How am I supposed to find out
who I really am dressed like this chick?Copy !req
187. took a brief detour
into a shopping spreeCopy !req
188. - ... at India's famous Mall Mountain.
- It's cute on me.Copy !req
189. But I thought
it was supposed to say "Kate."Copy !req
190. Oh, no, anything under a small
is considered a David Spade.Copy !req
191. I love this jacket.
I'll give you 60 for it.Copy !req
192. And the spiritual experience
would have to waitCopy !req
193. until she got back to the hotel.Copy !req
194. Best coat on the mountain.Copy !req
195. While Tobias' journeyCopy !req
196. saw nothing more
than the inside of a hospital room,Copy !req
197. where the staff was being trained
by the same doctor he'd had in America.Copy !req
198. This man here broke his skull
in two places.Copy !req
199. Once outside the airport
and once in the elevatorCopy !req
200. when his sheet got caught
and he was pulled off his gurney.Copy !req
201. Literally.Copy !req
202. My name is Tobias...Copy !req
203. - Oh!Copy !req
204. Now I've broken my skull in a third place.Copy !req
205. On this elephant-guy statue.Copy !req
206. That's when the universe...Copy !req
207. You should be a comedy actor. ... gave Tobias a really sweet compliment.Copy !req
208. This is the sign that I've been...Copy !req
209. looking for.Copy !req
210. - But Lindsay's search would continue...
- Hi, uh...Copy !req
211. Were you able to book my 3:00 shaman?Copy !req
212. until she could answer
some hard questions.Copy !req
213. Oh, yes. Did you want the deep wisdom
or just a light ego cleanse?Copy !req
214. We do those by the pool.Copy !req
215. There's a pool?Copy !req
216. It's hard to tell
because there are so many people in it,Copy !req
217. but yes, it is a pool.Copy !req
218. Oh, yeah. And, uh...Copy !req
219. do you think you can get someone to remove
the smell of lamb from my room?Copy !req
220. Of course.
And which animal smell would you prefer?Copy !req
221. Which do you prefer?Copy !req
222. And soon, she got a deeper
treatment than she had hoped for.Copy !req
223. You are living a life without love.Copy !req
224. How do I learn to be happy?
You know, to love?Copy !req
225. When love is near,
your heart will be happy.Copy !req
226. You must live life truthfully.Copy !req
227. Yeah, no, I do live truthfully,Copy !req
228. but I'm just so full of passion.Copy !req
229. You are so full of.Copy !req
230. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
231. Although, in my culture,
"full of " is kind of like a dig.Copy !req
232. You'd never say it to a customer.Copy !req
233. But yeah, no, I know what you mean.Copy !req
234. This bag is as fake as you are.Copy !req
235. Oh. Well, how do I learn?Copy !req
236. Just look at the spelling.Copy !req
237. - No, I—
- Pull your head out of the sand.Copy !req
238. Love is where you left it.Copy !req
239. You mean... back home?Copy !req
240. The only person back home is Tobias.Copy !req
241. You have no children?Copy !req
242. Lindsay thought
she was being hit on.Copy !req
243. No. Why do you ask?Copy !req
244. Wait a minute. You're saying
I've come halfway around the worldCopy !req
245. to find out I need to go back home?Copy !req
246. I haven't even gone to the beach yet.Copy !req
247. She had, it was just
too crowded to see the water.Copy !req
248. Excuse me, I'd like to talk to you
about my shaman appointment.Copy !req
249. Specifically, what is your policy
on damaged— I'm sorry. Your AmEx was declined.
Your account is maxed out.Copy !req
250. We had to cancel your shaman appointment.Copy !req
251. No, no, I just talked to the shaman,
just right back at...Copy !req
252. Get out! Get out! Go away!
Get out! Get out! Get out!Copy !req
253. I'm sorry to yell at you,
but as I said, it was declined.Copy !req
254. So get out.Copy !req
255. But fortunately,
the universe offered a solutionCopy !req
256. to her financial problemCopy !req
257. that only required
she go back on everythingCopy !req
258. she'd given up to find herself.Copy !req
259. Oh, I've got money
for you, sweetie,Copy !req
260. but it means my loving daughter
smiling next to her husbandCopy !req
261. sitting behind me at the trial.Copy !req
262. Would you take a grimace?Copy !req
263. So it was
with this dual intentionCopy !req
264. that she reached out
to a husband she'd left behind,Copy !req
265. with a new sense of inner peace.Copy !req
266. Oh!Copy !req
267. Although he wouldn't be able
to reach the phone for hours...Copy !req
268. Leave a message!
- I'm ready to make this work.Copy !req
269. due to his already weakened spine.Copy !req
270. Lindsay shared the news of her epiphany
at a family gatheringCopy !req
271. when they returned
from their spiritual journey.Copy !req
272. To get her hands
on the stimulus money, too, right?Copy !req
273. Stop with the prayer hands.
It just looks like you're out of ideas.Copy !req
274. Says the least spiritual man I know.Copy !req
275. What deal did you strike with her?
What part of her soul did you buy?Copy !req
276. All I've asked is that she testifyCopy !req
277. that I was a wonderful mother
who did her best.Copy !req
278. So all of it.Copy !req
279. No, Michael. I'm not a whore.Copy !req
280. I don't get any of the money
until after I do the disgusting thing.Copy !req
281. But I'm not here just for the stimmy.Copy !req
282. I'm here because a shaman told me
that love is where I left it.Copy !req
283. Which, after much soul searching,Copy !req
284. and by process of elimination,
is Tobias.Copy !req
285. I got the part.Copy !req
286. You know, it's funny,
for I, too, find that I am on a journey.Copy !req
287. Although, as we discovered
when our MasterCard bill came back,Copy !req
288. it was the same one she took,Copy !req
289. but mine has confirmed
that I should redouble my effortsCopy !req
290. to achieve the unachievable dream
of being an actor.Copy !req
291. A journey that has left me eager
to connect with my true love.Copy !req
292. Particularly if she finds her way clearCopy !req
293. to covering a 2,000-rupee
City of Hopelessness hospital debt.Copy !req
294. The trick is going to be
getting anyone to believeCopy !req
295. that her husband is straight enoughCopy !req
296. to have a true love that's a woman.Copy !req
297. What are you implying?Copy !req
298. Oh, I don't think there was any implying
going on at all.Copy !req
299. Didn't hear any implying.Copy !req
300. - I wasn't implying.
- I'm sorry, Mother.Copy !req
301. It's just, I've got a bit of a stick
up my bungholeCopy !req
302. about what I've now found
is a running joke about me.Copy !req
303. But let's be honest.Copy !req
304. For 2,000 rupees,
we'd both go down on Matthew McConaughey.Copy !req
305. Yes, Michael?Copy !req
306. Two thousand rupees was $36.Copy !req
307. I wouldn't.Copy !req
308. So Lindsay and Tobias were making
a new start as a family...Copy !req
309. I'm done with this family...Copy !req
310. and Michael was making
a new start without one.Copy !req
311. you're gonna need every dime now.
What's this?Copy !req
312. But this time,
under his own company name.Copy !req
313. Maybe I can give you a tip. Might want
to put a road up to this place.Copy !req
314. We paved the neighborhood.Copy !req
315. Just waiting for the city
to build a road to it.Copy !req
316. As Michael prepared to sell,
the Funkes prepared to buy,Copy !req
317. even though they'd have no money
until after the testimony.Copy !req
318. Ready to make a move?Copy !req
319. As you can see,
I'm ready for a lot that's new.Copy !req
320. Oh! Good heavens!Copy !req
321. Right! Well, this is a great area.Copy !req
322. There's some wonderful
surgi-centers nearby.Copy !req
323. We're doing it. We're really doing this.Copy !req
324. Yes! We're gonna
get you in the right house. And it's just the two of you?
You have no children?Copy !req
325. We don't.Copy !req
326. We should be honest here.
We have no income flow.Copy !req
327. No incoming income flow.
We have plenty of outgoing income.Copy !req
328. No savings, no credit.Copy !req
329. I mean, we had some stimmy,
but that went to his hospital bills.Copy !req
330. - But there's one thing we do have...
- Work ethic!Copy !req
331. Right. No work ethic.
But there's one thing we do have,Copy !req
332. we do have a daughter.Copy !req
333. I was just on auto-pilot before
when I said we didn't.Copy !req
334. I should have caught that, yeah, but...Copy !req
335. I could've spoken up, but I just wanted
to see if you guys got there.Copy !req
336. Well, you guys seem like a great family.Copy !req
337. We have to be realistic.
I'm in the real estate business.Copy !req
338. It's 2006.Copy !req
339. That's all good enough for me.Copy !req
340. We're gonna put you in a NINJA loan.Copy !req
341. "No income, no jobs, no assets."Copy !req
342. And you don't have to pay a penny
for two years.Copy !req
343. Oh, NINJA, please!Copy !req
344. So we'll take something cozy and intimate.Copy !req
345. - A one-bedroom.
- Or bigger.Copy !req
346. How about something nice?
A threeCopy !req
347. - Three does sound bigger.
- Oh, it definitely is.Copy !req
348. You have to remember
that this was a timeCopy !req
349. when banks were eager
to create as much debt as possible.Copy !req
350. The five-bedroom, four-car garage.Copy !req
351. And I know that you guys are gonna be
okay with just one master bathroom,Copy !req
352. because a lot of people do prefer two.Copy !req
353. You know, they like to just have it.Copy !req
354. Maybe separate, so we have it.Copy !req
355. - So we have it. That way we have it.
- That way you have it.Copy !req
356. Do you think we really need one?Copy !req
357. I'm just gonna interrupt for a second.
You don't need a wine cellarCopy !req
358. if you want to do wine tastings
in your butler's kitchen.Copy !req
359. I mean,
this really isn't what we discussed.Copy !req
360. Well, we didn't discuss
any of this, but yes,Copy !req
361. - I guess, that way, we have it.
- Well, yeah...Copy !req
362. That way, you'll definitely have it.Copy !req
363. And then once you have it,
that way you'll have it.Copy !req
364. But do we need a gatehouse?Copy !req
365. I just put John Beard
into a house with a double gatehouse.Copy !req
366. Now, that's John Beard,
he's on television.Copy !req
367. No one's gonna look down on youCopy !req
368. just 'cause you have
less than John Beard.Copy !req
369. - I think so.Copy !req
370. - We'll take the double gatehouse.Copy !req
371. - That way, we'll have it.
- We have it.Copy !req
372. And that way, you have it.Copy !req
373. There was a lot of this
going on back then.Copy !req
374. This way, we have it.Copy !req
375. That way, you'll have it!Copy !req
376. Good point!Copy !req
377. And Tobias began pursuing
the life of an actor.Copy !req
378. I'm an actor. You're an agent.
You do the math.Copy !req
379. I want you to represent me.Copy !req
380. In other words, you do the math.
The money, the negotiating.Copy !req
381. You know I'm not
that kind of agent, right?Copy !req
382. I'm a real estate agent. I'm a predator.Copy !req
383. I sell giant houses to very poor peopleCopy !req
384. who can't afford them
with predatory loans.Copy !req
385. That's the money stuff I don't understand.Copy !req
386. All you need do is tell people
what a terrific actor I am,Copy !req
387. 'cause I can't do it believably.
What do you say?Copy !req
388. Sounds like it shouldn't be too much work.Copy !req
389. Huzzah!Copy !req
390. And soon,
this out-of-work actorCopy !req
391. and his enlightened wifeCopy !req
392. were starting
their life in their new home.Copy !req
393. The Funkes were finally
in a family home...Copy !req
394. Maeby, you're gonna be late for school.Copy !req
395. And what they lost
in coziness...Copy !req
396. God, they grow up so slowly.Copy !req
397. they made up for in cavernous...Copy !req
398. - And the robot's dead again.
- ... unfurnished space.Copy !req
399. Poor little guy.Copy !req
400. Ran out of juice
before he could reach his...Copy !req
401. But to pay it off,Copy !req
402. Lindsay made an effort
to work on her testimony...Copy !req
403. "When I was cold, she clothed me,
when I was hungry, I..."Copy !req
404. Go on.Copy !req
405. You don't want me
to say this next part, do you?Copy !req
406. I think it tells the story.Copy !req
407. But am I accidentally being funny,
or am I purposely being funny?Copy !req
408. It's not supposed to be funny.Copy !req
409. "Suckled at her champagne glass breasts"
isn't a joke?Copy !req
410. Buster wrote it.Copy !req
411. Recently?Copy !req
412. "I miss you, Mommy.
Camp is scary at times.Copy !req
413. When I was cold, you clothed me.
When I was hungry..."Copy !req
414. Uh... How do I say this?Copy !req
415. Suckled at your champagne glass breasts.Copy !req
416. Oh, that's good.Copy !req
417. It doesn't matter.
I'll be proofing it anyway.Copy !req
418. Just read the copy.
You're getting paid for this.Copy !req
419. No. You know what?
The money is not important to me.Copy !req
420. My shaman said...Copy !req
421. Oh, don't give me that mystical nonsense.Copy !req
422. You think you're better than I am,Copy !req
423. but you're a lot more like me
than you think you are.Copy !req
424. Now, let's take it from,Copy !req
425. "I hope she gives me
bubble baths forever."Copy !req
426. And I want to smell the suds.Copy !req
427. Make the jury wet.Copy !req
428. While Tobias,
at his new agent's suggestion,Copy !req
429. even snuck onto studio lots
to hand out headshots to extrasCopy !req
430. - and other show business insiders.
- Taft-Hartley pending.Copy !req
431. And so Tobias and Lindsay,Copy !req
432. who had each asked the universe
for a new start,Copy !req
433. only to disregard that
and chase the same thingsCopy !req
434. that had made them unhappy
to begin with,Copy !req
435. soon found out
the universe wouldn't be ignored.Copy !req
436. The collapse
of the California housing marketCopy !req
437. is taking a personal toll...Copy !req
438. - Oh-oh.
- ... with cutbacks here at the station.Copy !req
439. In addition, I'm leaving the keys
to my 10,000-square-foot homeCopy !req
440. in Harbor Shallows here on the desk...Copy !req
441. Well, it probably
shouldn't affect our area.Copy !req
442. He's over by where the fountain is.Copy !req
443. Might I say to them,Copy !req
444. good luck getting that
raccoon smell out of the gatehouse,Copy !req
445. because I never could.Copy !req
446. But you and I are okay, right?Copy !req
447. I mean, this works, right?Copy !req
448. Never better.Copy !req
449. On the nextCopy !req
450. Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences...Copy !req
451. Michael also has a hard time
hearing the news,Copy !req
452. mostly because the main internet
information cable had been severedCopy !req
453. when the community pool was installed.Copy !req
454. And Michael is left in a ghost town
he himself built.Copy !req
455. Well, that's not a great sign.Copy !req
456. This is why you don't confide
in a competitor.Copy !req