1. Senior year in college is the time
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2. when students start to decide
upon a career path.
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3. - And how could rock and roll music...
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4. And... that's where the song
should have ended.
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5. not be George Michael's?
- So...
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6. I guess we all got a little carried away.
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7. You sure? We all ended at the same time.
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8. That's because you all sped up together.
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9. If I was playing in your band,
I would say,
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10. "Hey, let's do the whole
fast and loose with tempo thing."
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11. But this is about my demo tape
to Juilliard.
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12. And they've gotta dig what I do so much
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13. that they start an entire department
for woodblock.
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14. So, I'm sorry guys,
and you're leaving. Okay.
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15. They left early. Proves my point.
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16. - She was cute.
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17. They were playing
way too loud anyway, right?
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18. - Right at the end.
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19. We could record you separately
and then mix it louder on the computer.
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20. Then I'm not playing in a band.
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21. I mean, the whole point of the band
is to showcase my amazing internal clock.
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22. That's something you have to be born with.
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23. Or bred with,
which was the case with George Michael,
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24. who, as a small child,
appeared in a promotional video
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25. - for a developmental tool called BabyTock.
- BabyTock will give your child
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26. a head start in math.
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27. And, if I were a doctor,
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28. I would guarantee you that it would also
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29. boost their brain power by 110%.
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30. That's a lot of brain power.
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31. You've been using BabyTock, correct?
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32. For how long?
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33. Two months. But George Michael really
enjoys listening to the sound.
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34. And would you say it's...
changed the power of his brain?
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35. - Uh, well, that's impossible—
to deny!
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36. I've always wanted a smart baby.
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37. This thing really works, George.
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38. In fact,
it came from something that didn't...
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39. So we're stuck with five thousand
of these worthless cornballers?
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40. when they were looking to recoup
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41. some of their costs
after an ill-fated foray
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42. into the fry-at-home snack food market.
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43. Whoa, whoa. They're not worthless.
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44. You know? The timer still works.
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45. No numbers on it, but it's very loud.
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46. Perfect, for those who like
the sound of a clock
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47. - but don't know their numbers.
- That's good.
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48. We'll sell this to babies
Mother of
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49. We should put these in cribs.
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50. That's not a half puny thought.
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51. But for now, George Michael
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52. would be keeping
the Juilliard thing confidential.
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53. stays confidential from my dad.
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54. He's never gonna want me to pursue
a career in—
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55. - Hitting a block of wood.
- In music. Yes.
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56. He still thinks of me
as the same George Michael that I was
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57. before my life blew apart.
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58. He was referring to this...
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59. Before the world cracked me open
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60. and I became the guy
that you're looking at now.
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61. George Michael 2.0.
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62. God, I hate my name.
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63. Ironically, George Michael's Uncle Gob
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64. was at that very moment
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65. living the dream of a young,
successful musician.
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66. He felt as if he were in the center
of an entourage,
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67. even though he was three away
from the center at the closest,
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68. and was 20 years older
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69. than the young musician Mark Cherry,
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70. whose dream it actually was.
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71. Still, Gob's life had become
a blur of parties...
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72. - ... and shame.
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73. But Gob had a trick for helping him
forget the shame.
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74. Unfortunately, it also helped him forget
that he tried to forget the shame.
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75. Hey!
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76. - And soon, Gob found himself
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77. experiencing what, on the street,
is referred to...
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78. - as a "roofie circle..."
- I won't forget this!
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79. whereby a roofie is taken
the day after a degrading event...
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80. too late to erase the memory
of the degrading event itself...
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81. but not too late to erase the prior day's
attempt to erase the event.
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82. Hey! Remember me?
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83. Thus, with no memory
of taking the roofie...
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84. Do you still sell these?
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85. but the memory of the event
very much alive...
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86. Oh, I should grab a, uh... Oh.
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87. the victim of the roofie circle
finds himself constantly trying
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88. - to re-erase the memory...
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89. - Cállate.
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90. but only succeeds in erasing the memory of the attempt to erase the memory.
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91. Days turn into weeks,
weeks turn into months...
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92. - Es tiempo.
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93. as relationships grow testier.
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94. And that's how Gob,
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95. - instead of facing a little shame...
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96. - ¡No! ¡No más!
- ... ended up in a Mexican hospital...
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97. !
- ... with stage four syphilis.
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98. Now, the story of what happened
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99. when the one man
who was holding his family together
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100. finally let go,
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101. and the separate journeys
that eventually gave them no choice
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102. but to come back together.
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103. It's Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences.
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104. George Michael was frustrated
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105. by the limitations of his musical gift.
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106. Maybe using a band
to showcase my woodblock skill
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107. is a dumb idea.
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108. I'm never gonna be louder
than an electric guitar.
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109. Too bad there's no such thing
as an electric woodblock.
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110. Sounds like a mother of an invention.
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111. And so they set to work
inventing a downloadable app
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112. - that would be just that.
- You'll always have a woodblock with you.
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113. I can't believe nobody's ever done this.
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114. A quick something search
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115. would have shown the guys
that there were already
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116. three woodblock apps on the market.
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117. So, there are three on the market.
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118. which they did.
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119. We are in the jungle.
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120. But they were undeterred.
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121. Download them. Come on, let's do it.
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122. I hope we're not doing this
on my account.
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123. No, we're doing it so we can see
what the competition is like.
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124. No, I mean on my iTunes account.
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125. - It's 99 cents.
- Times three.
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126. But they did,
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127. and soon they realized
what kind of competition
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128. they were up against.
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129. joke.
I know!
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130. Where are the mallet options? There's
no choice of wood weight or grain type.
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131. There's no diameter hole option.
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132. What is this
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133. - You know, the sharp metal box
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134. that you put in a crib—
Is that not a well
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135. In fact, it had only been used
on one other child,
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136. and its claims of creating math prowess
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137. were undermined by her own performance
in the field...
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138. - Gonna need special tutoring.
- ... but also by the fact
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139. she was currently in her fourth
senior year of high school.
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140. But having lost her show business job...
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141. You're fired.
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142. Maeby would have to live off
her royalty checks until she graduated,
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143. which is why she was soon forced
to sneak into the penthouse apartment
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144. without her mother knowing.
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145. Although, it's worth noting
that her mother
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146. had also previously snuck
into the penthouse apartment
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147. without her mother knowing.
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148. - And as Maeby checked out the mail...
- Oh, my God!
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149. her mother's ostrich was in heat
and eager to check out the female.
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150. And the ostrich eventually found
what she thought was another ostrich.
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151. Tobias, however, would shortly
be sneaking into the same penthouse
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152. that his daughter, Maeby,
had moments earlier snuck out of.
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153. The dream of a successful acting career
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154. that Tobias shared with his
girlfriend DeBrie wasn't panning out.
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155. Something was forced to admit
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156. when the depths of DeBrie's
desperation for money...
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157. We're broke.
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158. became almost clear to him.
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159. You can't sell
your Fantastic Four costume.
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160. Somebody help!
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161. - Lucille Two!
- And soon, the reward would be given
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162. - to Lucille Two's hero.
- There's my hero!
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163. You know the doctor said if that bird
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164. had gotten through
my second layer of makeup, it could have done permanent damage
to my skin.
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165. And I want to repay you.
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166. You're a doctor. And you're out of work.
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167. - Well—
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168. At Austerity.
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169. The rehab center
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170. My brother Argyle runs it day to day,
but we are so understaffed.
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171. You'd be such a gift.
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172. It would only pay 120 grand a year
to start.
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173. What do you say?
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174. Tobias, whose girlfriend had nearly
sold her body in front of him...
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175. knew that everyone at some time
has to give up an old dream.
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176. Eh... Mm... Eh...
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177. - But this wasn't the time.
- No.
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178. Gob had a dream, too.
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179. Of partying and picking up girls.
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180. See, I told you I knew him.
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181. Can I get a picture with him
to show my five
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182. But it was old too.
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183. Granddaughter.
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184. Oh, yeah.
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185. Or at least, it had become old...
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186. - Run. Run!
- ... to the man who'd made it possible.
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187. Getaway.
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188. But George Michael's music dream
was in full flower...
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189. Woodblock.
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190. Unavailable.
- It's taken.
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191. as he finished an app
he decided to call...
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192. - Blockwood.
Also unavailable.
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193. - It's taken.
- BlockBlock.
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194. No. People are gonna think we're
in the chicken noise business.
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195. - You know.
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196. Look, it's kind of hard to do
in these matador pants, but you know...
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197. Block—
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198. FakeBlock is available.
Would you like to take it?
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199. Okay. They have FakeBlock.
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200. Okay, yes, we'll take that.
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201. - That will be $5000.
- That's no problem.
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202. Could you hang on to that for me, please,
and I'll call you back. Thank you.
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203. It's $5,000 for the domain name,
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204. and then there's this whole
XML website fee.
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205. I got the last one.
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206. That was 99 cents.
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207. Times three!
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208. That's what led George Michael
to the Student Employment Office.
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209. We actually have a variety of subjects
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210. that high school students
need tutoring in.
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211. Take a look at that list and let me know
if there's anything
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212. that you've handled before.
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213. There was.
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214. Although George Michael couldn't imagine
it was the same Maeby.
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215. Is this F in "Maeby F" her last name
or her grade?
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216. It's her last name.
But her most recent grade is...
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217. Well, this just shows
an Elvis Presley head.
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218. So, that bad?
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219. I'll take her.
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220. Stay on top of her.
You need to ride her pretty hard.
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221. Don't be afraid to crack the whip.
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222. - Hey, you must be—
George Michael's new dream
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223. had been replaced with an old one.
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224. What is this?
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225. I can't wear this.
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226. Well, we dated for a while,
but, you know, I was a kid,
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227. and I didn't know how to kiss yet.
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228. I don't know, for whatever reason,
I listened to my dad,
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229. who said we shouldn't make it work.
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230. No.
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231. Why would your mind go right to— No.
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232. It's just, he was right. We were kids.
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233. I wasn't yet O.S. -"Overtly Sexual."
- Right.
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234. As I live and breathe.
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235. Crazy. That's just crazy.
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236. - Okay, so listen...
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237. after I let her in, you go
and try and keep my dad out. All right?
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238. I can't let him get in the way
of this one.
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239. Hey, you must be—
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240. But first, he had to cover his tracks.
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241. - This had to look like fate.
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242. What is this?
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243. As I live and breathe...
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244. But for the phrase,
"As I live and breathe," he nailed it.
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245. - I'm supposed to tutor a kid from—
- High school. Yeah.
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246. - That's me.
- Crazy.
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247. That is just crazy.
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248. And despite his deceit,
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249. he couldn't help but challenge
her strategy for staying in high school.
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250. You have to make a living, right?
Don't you need an education?
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251. - Don't forget, I'm a Harris.
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252. Yeah, someone who "in-harris"
a lot of money.
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253. Oh, an "heiress." Yeah, well...
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254. I wouldn't put all my ands in that basket.
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255. You know, it's fine. You don't get it.
You've never been a risk-taker.
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256. I like to with people.
That's what I do.
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257. - I'm making a statement.
I love it.
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258. I knew you were cool
when I saw you wearing that shirt.
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259. It seemed George Michael
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260. wasn't the only deceitful one
in the double castle.
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261. I get it too.
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262. I love it too.
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263. George Michael found himself
less overtly sexual than he'd hoped.
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264. I made a 40-year-old woman cry in Spain.
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265. I love making love to Spanish women.
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266. Get out.
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267. And with his roommate gone,
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268. George Michael slipped back
into seduction mode.
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269. So... a man, a woman.
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270. Let's solve for "X."
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271. I don't know you're talking about.
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272. In algebra, you have an unknown element,
and we call it "X,"
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273. and then you have to solve for it
to find out what number X is.
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274. "X" isn't a number.
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275. You don't even really know... the basic...
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276. But in that moment, the urge
to educate her was more powerful
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277. - than the urge to kiss her.
- Let me show you real quick.
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278. So if you take something like this:
"3x+1 = 10"...
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279. And with the algebra lesson complete,
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280. George Michael pivoted back
to his overtly sexual seduction.
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281. When I say, "You and me and a bedroom,
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282. let's solve for 'X,'" um...
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283. I'm stating it as a kind of formula.
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284. Yeah, let's get wasted.
Let's drink that formula.
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285. It's not that kind of formula.
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286. I'll show you what a formula is
real quick, 'cause that's very important.
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287. - Gonna wanna...
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288. - But when the door opened...
- Dad!
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289. George Michael's
window of opportunity closed.
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290. - P-Hound is yanking our chain again.
- Uncle Michael!
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291. Oh, my God!
- And after a brief reunion,
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292. - George Michael had another opportunity...
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293. - ... to impress his cousin.
- No.
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294. He's got this privacy software.
Keeps people from stealing your stuff.
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295. Tell her, pal.
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296. So, it's privacy software
that's also anti
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297. George Michael weighed his options.
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298. Maeby had chastised him
for not taking risks,
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299. and what would be a bigger risk
than perpetuating a lie about software
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300. just to ignite the passions of a woman?
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301. Of course it would be a lie,
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302. and since Maeby wouldn't know
it was a lie,
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303. he wouldn't appear to be taking a risk.
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304. Perhaps the bigger risk
was to tell his father he was lying.
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305. That he came up with it
because he wanted his father to leave
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306. so he could enjoy what remained
of his senior year.
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307. After all, he wondered, wouldn't that be
the course of action taken
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308. by an overtly sexual man?
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309. A man who owns a pair of matador pants?
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310. He had not responded now for 41 seconds,
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311. according to his unfailing internal clock,
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312. and it was time to come clean.
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313. Well, thanks. Yeah.
It's just a Boolean-driven aggregation
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314. of what programmers call "hacker traps."
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315. And he found himself suddenly
and effortlessly
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316. tapping into a long inbred instinct
for lying.
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317. A Bluth taking his first steps in deceit.
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318. And she seemed to be impressed.
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319. But to close the deal,
he couldn't lie to himself any longer.
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320. There was someone he needed to get away.
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321. It's called FakeBlock.
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322. His father.
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323. Mark Cherry also had someone
he needed to get away.
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324. Yeah, just like that.
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325. But the lyrics were too subtle
for Gob to notice.
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326. It's worth noting that Maeby
wasn't impressed
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327. with the software George Michael
had lied about.
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328. Can I get a Crown 12 neat,
water back.
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329. She was depressed.
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330. I gotta start bringing some cash in,
you know?
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331. Everyone's just passing me by.
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332. George Michael, Kitty Sanchez...
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333. Drinks for the house.
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334. This guy?
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335. These guys are making a fortune
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336. off that To Entrap a Local Predator show
they're on.
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337. And although she did briefly pursue
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338. - a job in show business...
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339. she soon felt worse when she saw
her supposedly 17-year-old boyfriend...
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340. Isn't this guy a little too young
to be in here?
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341. No, he's with us.
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342. had a better one.
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343. You fitting in at the high school?
- He's a cop.
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344. They accepting you?
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345. But George Michael ended up...
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346. It's a fake profile that leads hackers
away from your actual data.
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347. - ... with a great idea for software.
- I mean, think about it.
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348. Everyone has something that
they want removed from the internet.
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349. George Michael certainly did.
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350. Oh, my God.
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351. If we could make something like that,
it could be bigger than Facebook.
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352. Who wouldn't want something like that?
Think you can do it?
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353. - No.
- No, of course not.
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354. No. I mean—
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355. This is my chance with Maeby,
and I can't even get rid of my own father.
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356. What if we just did a vote?
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357. Just the roommates.
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358. We do a quick vote,
and it's, "Ciao, father-o."
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359. He's gonna know who voted against him.
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360. - Not if I get him to vote against himself.
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361. Why would he do that?
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362. He wouldn't. I was just leaning back
so it looked like I—
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363. I got this chair again, didn't I?
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364. Maybe I just need to be clear, and say,
"I'm putting up a wall.
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365. We need to rework our whole system here."
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366. Sounds like you guys are working
on your privacy software, huh?
Copy !req
367. And long story short,
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368. Michael did end up thinking
the voting out a roommate idea
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369. was his own.
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370. And it's, "Adios, broth-iero."
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371. It cannot fail.
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372. - That was fun.
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373. He kind of always looks that way.
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374. Gob was about to be betrayed as well,
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375. for that night, Mark Cherry and his entourage
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376. were quickly going out for the evening.
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377. Hurry, before he sees us. Come on.
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378. - But, not quickly enough.
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379. I'll drive, I just gotta
put my my sick bees in the trunk.
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380. Whoa! I can't be near bees.
I wrote a whole song about it.
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381. It seems that Malibu
wasn't the only colony
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382. that was collapsing on Gob.
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383. You've gotta get your bees out of here.
They're sick.
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384. They're gonna collapse the whole colony.
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385. Did you tell him about the sick bees?
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386. Jesus, I just said that!
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387. You're late to the party again!
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388. What am I supposed to do with sick bees?
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389. You know, I don't really care.
I got problems of my own.
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390. I saw you pointing.
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391. Yeah, you saw that.
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392. But you didn't see the tumor on my neck
six months ago, did you?
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393. Your venemous hatred has killed my bees.
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394. Perhaps this was the moment
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395. that Gob could sense the tide was turning.
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396. It's my fault, guys. I made a big mistake.
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397. In an effort to prove
he provided a valuable service...
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398. - ... Gob stopped in front of a club
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399. - to pick up some women...
Oh, ladies!
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400. where, moments earlier,
Tobias shared with DeBrie
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401. that Lucille Two had offered him
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402. - a valuable job.
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403. - Mm-hmm.
a guy for a hamburger,
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404. and you turned down 120,000 a year?
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405. To keep our dream alive, yes, I did.
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406. - I thought you'd be proud of me.
You're worse than Marky.
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407. He couldn't see me, but you can't hear me.
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408. The setback sent
an emotionally fragile DeBrie
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409. back to her old ways,
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410. including a night of being passed around
amongst Hollywood creeps.
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411. Who wants to party with Mark Cherry?
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412. - Which is how Gob...
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413. kept his old dream alive, after all.
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414. That's one forget-me-not saved,
huh, fellas?
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415. - Ah, looks like we got a real live one.
Whoo-hoo!
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416. By "live," I mean barely alive.
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417. But a dream can also be a trap.
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418. All right, guys. What have we got?
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419. It's quiet out there.
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420. We, uh, we better be ready.
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421. Yeah. I'm a man.
Don't make it look like makeup.
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422. Car.
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423. Is that guy one of ours?
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424. Look at the license plate.
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425. Looks like we got ourselves an Anus Tart.
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426. Yes, Tobias had hit rock bottom...
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427. Hey. It's Big Daddy.
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428. I thought I'd try to call you
before I surprised you.
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429. Things are...
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430. really looking up,
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431. Damn it. What Sudden Valley does
to these cell phones.
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432. and was finally ready
to reconnect with his family.
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433. Anus Tart is turning on Tracy Lane.
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434. He's peeping up George Michael.
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435. All right, guys,
let's entrap a local predator.
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436. Who, what, when, where, why, and how.
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437. Who, what, where, when, why, and how.
Who, what, when, where?
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438. Anus Tart is approaching...
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439. And Tobias' dream of finally
getting to be in a TV show...
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440. - ... was finally coming true.
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441. Is there a little girl here
all by herself?
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442. And perhaps it was this
that would finally get him to admit
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443. that he sometimes did speak...
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444. Daddy needs to get his rocks off.
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445. in a misleading way.
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446. On the next Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences...
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447. - Gob's dream becomes a trap too.
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448. - Take off your—
Clothes!
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449. - Take off your—
Clothes!
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450. - We're having a good time.
- We're having a great time.
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451. - Yeah.
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452. You know what would be really cool?
If you shut the partition.
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453. It'd be like, uh... like a joke.
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454. Like you're our limo driver
and we don't want to talk to you.
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455. That would be hilarious, right?
Yes, very good, sir.
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456. - Very good.
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457. Right?
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458. Be like, "Eh, I'm just driving
the Queen of England.
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459. But we're still taking our clothes off."
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460. And excluding Gob allows this to happen.
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461. What's stashed in here?
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462. "A lot of traffic out here today,
Miss Daisy."
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463. On the plus side,
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464. Gob's bees end up feeling good enough
to sting again.
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465. On the next To Entrap A Local Predator...
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466. Predator gets its first rock solid case.
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467. Have some lemonade!
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468. Pretty good lemonade, huh?
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469. It is. Is there alcohol in—
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470. - John Beard.
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471. I'm here to see my little girl.
I wanted to show her Daddy's thing.
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472. - Okay.
- So it's your daughter you're here to see.
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473. Yes.
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474. Maeby.
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475. Well, you're free to go. She's not here.
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476. But this creep
won't take "go" for an answer.
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477. That's all right, I'll stay. I'll wait.
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478. And this creep makes himself
right at home.
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479. Give me a minute.
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480. - He's not leaving.
- He's not leaving.
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481. He's not leaving.
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482. Tell him there's a raccoon
in the backyard.
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483. Guess what?
There's a raccoon on the patio.
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484. Bull
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485. Where is that little guy?
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486. And this guy turns out to be
a real comedian.
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487. I just broke my skull in a fourth place.
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488. The patio! Oh...
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