1. Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...Copy !req
2. and the one son who had no choice...Copy !req
3. but to keep them all together.Copy !req
4. It's Arrested Development.Copy !req
5. Michael Bluth had set up
a meeting with Cal Cullen...Copy !req
6. owner of one of the largest
parcels ofland in Orange County.Copy !req
7. I hope that I can prove to you
that we have a very impressive company.Copy !req
8. Well, your family did not come off well
on last night's Scandalmakers.Copy !req
9. Scandalmakers was a show...Copy !req
10. that reenacted
headline-grabbing stories.Copy !req
11. The latest was
about the Bluth family...Copy !req
12. the rights of which had been
signed away by Tobias...Copy !req
13. in exchange for the part of George Sr.Copy !req
14. When allegations
surfaced he'd illegally built homes in Iraq...Copy !req
15. George Bluth Sr.,
assisted by his secretary, Kitty...Copy !req
16. escaped the country.Copy !req
17. Due to poor acting, the burden
of the story was placed on the narrator.Copy !req
18. Only to be found hiding
under one of the homes that he built.Copy !req
19. He was actually found
in a hole near the house...Copy !req
20. but this inattention
to detail was typical...Copy !req
21. - of the laziness the show's
narrator was known for.
- I can't survive under the house.Copy !req
22. Perhaps an attic shall I seek.Copy !req
23. Real shoddy narrating.
Just pure crap.Copy !req
24. But we're back on track,
and we are scandal-free.Copy !req
25. Hey! You start
the meeting without me?Copy !req
26. Mother, uh, this is Cal Cullen.
You remember my mother, Lucille.Copy !req
27. We're right in the middle of talking...Copy !req
28. about this exciting giveaway
spa package to entice buyers.Copy !req
29. You know, he's never taken me anywhere.Copy !req
30. Oh, no. We have to live high and dry.Copy !req
31. Well, you're certainly not dry.Copy !req
32. Michael, I'm not a prude, but it's 1:00
in the afternoon. Is your mother drunk?Copy !req
33. I'd have to get up pretty early
to get drunk by 1:00.Copy !req
34. As it turns out,
she had gotten up early...Copy !req
35. and had taken pain medication
because of a hangover-related headache.Copy !req
36. However, she mistook
the "drowsy eye'alcohol warning...Copy !req
37. for a "winking eye'alcohol suggestion.Copy !req
38. Fortunately, she had the good sense
not to drive herself to the meeting.Copy !req
39. No. I'll call for a car.Copy !req
40. Unfortunately, this was
after a failed attempt to do so.Copy !req
41. - Who the hell put-Copy !req
42. Michael, I'm sorry.
I cannot do business with you.Copy !req
43. I mean, I couldn't afford
to end up on Scandalmakers.Copy !req
44. Oh, you could afford to do anything
you want. You're just a big chicken.Copy !req
45. Michael realized it might be time...Copy !req
46. to deal with his mother's
apparent problem.Copy !req
47. Okay, that seems as good a place
as any to end the meeting.Copy !req
48. No, I'm not doing another
intervention with her.Copy !req
49. Last time, I felt terrible for a week.Copy !req
50. One year earlier,
the family had tried an intervention.Copy !req
51. - You're pouring a drink? What are you doing?
- What if she's mad?Copy !req
52. - Good point.
- Perhaps I'll have a little sip of something.Copy !req
53. Guys, what could she do to us?Copy !req
54. Do we have anything single malt?Copy !req
55. And although
the intervention didn't work-Copy !req
56. - We think you have a "prollen."
- You're a mesh.Copy !req
57. It turned into one
of the Bluth family's better parties.Copy !req
58. Well, maybe an intervention
is the wrong approach.Copy !req
59. What about rehab?
She was just a mess at the meeting.Copy !req
60. Where were you, by the way?
I could've used your help with Mom.Copy !req
61. I believe I told you I was gonna be out
for the holidays. It's spring break.Copy !req
62. Not that I can enjoy it.
My reputation's been ruined...Copy !req
63. by that jerk Phillip Litt, who put
my one magic show flub on his DVD.Copy !req
64. Gob had performed a magic act
at an earlier spring break...Copy !req
65. to get exposure on the
best-selling video series...Copy !req
66. Girls with Low Self-Esteem.Copy !req
67. Or two flubs or whatever.Copy !req
68. There were seven flubs...Copy !req
69. and after the show,
he signed a release.Copy !req
70. - You're not gonna use the time
that I screwed up, right?
- That wasn't part of the act?Copy !req
71. - Come on, man.
I'd never do anything to embarrass you.Copy !req
72. - Please.Copy !req
73. Oh. Uh, you don't know
a good bird hospital, do you?Copy !req
74. You're getting all this, right?Copy !req
75. Well, at least the Orange County Register
didn't say of your performance...Copy !req
76. "If this is who George Sr. Is,
let's hope he remains missing."Copy !req
77. Meanwhile, they loved
Dave Attell's risky choice...Copy !req
78. of wearing cutoffs
while portraying me.Copy !req
79. In fact, Mr. Attell was portraying...Copy !req
80. Tobias's actual never-nude affliction...Copy !req
81. but this perplexed
the Scandalmakers audience...Copy !req
82. due to the unfocused nature
of the narrator's explanation.Copy !req
83. No, I think mine's worse. You should've seen
what happened to me on the boardwalk today.Copy !req
84. They were laughing at me. Me!Copy !req
85. Those tapes are awful.
Women tricked into taking their tops off.Copy !req
86. I have a daughter I don't want
corrupted by the media.Copy !req
87. Unbeknownst to Lindsay...Copy !req
88. Maeby was a fairly prominent
member of the media...Copy !req
89. as she had secretly conned her way
into a job as a film executive.Copy !req
90. This Young Man on the Beach
script sucks.Copy !req
91. She'd go to the guy just
'cause he said she's awesome?Copy !req
92. - You call that dialogue?
- Hey, I didn't write it.Copy !req
93. No, but you're gonna fix it. It's a spring break
movie. Find out what they sound like.Copy !req
94. Oh, yeah, right. Do you really
think I look college-aged?Copy !req
95. I'm not drunk.
But I'm willing to be. Hint.Copy !req
96. Oh, Mort, you're gonna be
so easy to blackmail. Hint.Copy !req
97. This pig Phillip Litt is out there
asking girls to take their tops off.Copy !req
98. - It's an outrage.
- Well, of course you feel that way. You're jealous.Copy !req
99. You're a surfboard.
But I do agree he is a pig.Copy !req
100. Hey! What the hell was that for?Copy !req
101. Can we stop worrying about girls
with low self-esteem...Copy !req
102. and start focusing on sobering up
the woman who gave us ours?Copy !req
103. - What do you think about rehab?
- She won't go willingly. I can tell you that.Copy !req
104. May I make a suggestion?
Get implants. Really.Copy !req
105. Wha- Come on!
This stuff is expensive!Copy !req
106. So Michael set out to convince
his mother that she needed help.Copy !req
107. Hello? Hello?
I have a surprise for you.Copy !req
108. - Did I win the prize?
- You won the prize.Copy !req
109. I won the prize!
I won the prize! For what?Copy !req
110. We were gonna give
one employee a week at the spa.Copy !req
111. We were even gonna put them
in the ad, but then I thought...Copy !req
112. "What about Mom?
She's elegant. She deserves it."Copy !req
113. I was gonna tell you at the office,
but then I thought...Copy !req
114. "No. If I bring her around now,
she might vomit on the overhead projector."Copy !req
115. I'm so embarrassed about that. I don't think
I was supposed to drink with my medication.Copy !req
116. Actually, it wasn't even her medication.Copy !req
117. Of course, I can't take Oscar
to an elegant place.Copy !req
118. His only remaining pair of pants
blew apart the other day.Copy !req
119. I was thinking that I would
go with you for the week.Copy !req
120. So what? I just stay here alone? I'm not
exactly equipped to run this place by myself!Copy !req
121. You can't just
leave me here alone!Copy !req
122. - Have a great trip.Copy !req
123. But it wouldn't turn out
to be a great trip at all.Copy !req
124. Hello. Welcome to Shady Pines Rehab.
Just sign right here.Copy !req
125. Rehab? This isn't a spa.
This isn't a spa!Copy !req
126. - Come here. Wait. Get her. Come here, Mom!
- We got a runner!Copy !req
127. As Michael's mother
was being held against her will...Copy !req
128. George Sr. Was about to be confronted
with a similar problem.Copy !req
129. Kitty. How'd you find me?Copy !req
130. I thought you were dead
until I saw Scandalmakers!Copy !req
131. They got so much wrong. But something
about your son-in-law's comment...Copy !req
132. "Perhaps an attic shall I seek,"
had the ring of truth to it.Copy !req
133. Notice it wasn't
something the narrator said.Copy !req
134. - You abandoned me in Mexico!
- Kitty, honey, l-I know you're mad.Copy !req
135. Stop talking, George.
You stop talking!Copy !req
136. I am in charge now.
You're coming with me.Copy !req
137. No, I can't. I ca-
I have a life here.Copy !req
138. There are people who-
who depend on me.Copy !req
139. Fine. But I can't make
any promises...Copy !req
140. about what happens to that
cooler of evidence I have.Copy !req
141. If I could just have
a moment to say good-bye.Copy !req
142. Meanwhile, at the banana stand...Copy !req
143. Maeby was hoping to find
some witty banter...Copy !req
144. with which to authenticate
her feature film.Copy !req
145. I want the hot chick to serve me.Copy !req
146. What other words would you
use to describe me?Copy !req
147. - Um, she's 15, and she's my cousin.
- So?Copy !req
148. So you can't touch
your cousin- my cousin.Copy !req
149. You know, you don't
have to stick around.Copy !req
150. I could just work late tonight. It doesn't
matter, 'cause my girlfriend, she's out of town.Copy !req
151. She's actually kind of lucky in the end...Copy !req
152. 'cause all these guys
would be coming on to her.Copy !req
153. Yeah, you really
dodged a bullet there.Copy !req
154. Nearby, Phillip Litt
was making his latest video.Copy !req
155. Everybody gather around!
Gather around! Ladies, here's the deal.Copy !req
156. We have hats. You have breasts.Copy !req
157. You show your breasts,
you get a hat, okay?Copy !req
158. So if anyone wants to get back
at Daddy, now's the time.Copy !req
159. - Whoo! Wait. Cut, cut.
We got a surfboard in the shot.
- Surfboard. Stop tape.Copy !req
160. We're here to stop you from
taking advantage of these girls.Copy !req
161. You know what? You're sassy. You're sexy.
You speak your mind. There's nothin' hotter.Copy !req
162. - Give her a hat, Barry.
- I don't want a hat.
I want you to leave these women alone.Copy !req
163. I'm giving them a chance
to be idolized...Copy !req
164. which is an opportunity these women
are never gonna have again.Copy !req
165. - I want to be ideolized.
- Yeah, you do!Copy !req
166. - Eileen, stop it.
You've got nothing to gain from that.Copy !req
167. That's easy for you to say.
You already have a hat.Copy !req
168. - Come on, girls!Copy !req
169. This is no way to get
your daddies to notice you!Copy !req
170. Nearby, Lindsay's
own daddy failed to notice her...Copy !req
171. as he was being taken
to a local motel...Copy !req
172. where he refused
Kitty's sexual advances.Copy !req
173. You promised me power
and a child, and I have neither.Copy !req
174. I'm gonna take care
of this problem... on my own.Copy !req
175. You never promise crazy a baby.Copy !req
176. George Sr. Was abandoned
and longed for Lucille...Copy !req
177. and Buster felt the same way.Copy !req
178. Upon her kneeCopy !req
179. - So fine to be
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
180. Mother and boyCopy !req
181. Restless, Buster went to the kitchen...Copy !req
182. to find something to help him sleep...Copy !req
183. - when he came across Lucille's
emergency stash of wine-
- MotherboyCopy !req
184. which he mistook
for a giantjuice box.Copy !req
185. It was the first taste of alcohol
Buster had since he was nursing.Copy !req
186. - Mama!Copy !req
187. And Michael, his mother
no longer a threat...Copy !req
188. - Thank you so much for your understanding, sir.
- met again with Cal Cullen.Copy !req
189. As I mentioned on the phone,
she did seek help.Copy !req
190. And it was extremely moving when she
finally admitted that she has a problem.Copy !req
191. We'll take good care of you
here at Shady Pines.Copy !req
192. I'll take care of you,
you son of a-Copy !req
193. Shady Pines is a wonderful
facility up there on the hill.Copy !req
194. - You know, they used to film Sugarfoot up there.
- No?Copy !req
195. - Were you a fan of Sugarfoot?
- I loved it.Copy !req
196. Sugarfoot had been off the air...Copy !req
197. 12 years before Michael was born.Copy !req
198. Sing the theme song
of Sugarfoot along with me.Copy !req
199. - YesCopy !req
200. Oh, what the hell.
You're a good kid.Copy !req
201. - Let's make the deal.Copy !req
202. - Oh, great. I've got papers-
- Michael!Copy !req
203. Remember me? Perhaps
this'll jog your memory.Copy !req
204. - Oh! They're crooked.
- I've kidnapped your father, Michael...Copy !req
205. and I have a cooler full of evidence...Copy !req
206. that will bring down
this corrupt company.Copy !req
207. Unless your mother meets me
today at 4:00 at Señor Tadpole's.Copy !req
208. Spring break. Whoo!Copy !req
209. - Dad?
- Michael's father
had just been kidnapped.Copy !req
210. - Hello?Copy !req
211. And then he received a call that
his brother had been found drunk.Copy !req
212. No, I'm fine. I'm telling you.Copy !req
213. For the first time, I realize that
maybe I am better off without her!Copy !req
214. - Yeah, well, we've gotta bring her back.
- Oh, thank God!Copy !req
215. So if we want to get
that evidence back, and Dad...Copy !req
216. Kitty is insisting
on a meeting with Mom.Copy !req
217. - What can Mom do for her?
- I don't know. I've gotta get
my hands on that evidence.Copy !req
218. Problem is I just
checked her into rehab.Copy !req
219. They're not exactly gonna
let me take her to a bar.Copy !req
220. So, Gob, I need you to help me
sneak her past the guards.Copy !req
221. Well, gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be
checking out at spring break would be Mom.Copy !req
222. - She's better looking
than the whores you date.
- Don't call my escorts whores.Copy !req
223. - Mom's still got it!
- I don't date whores!Copy !req
224. Stop it! Stop it! This objectification
of women has to stop!Copy !req
225. - It's just Mom and whores.
- No, how would you like it?Copy !req
226. Actually, that's not a bad idea.Copy !req
227. I should turn the tables on men
and see how they like being objectified.Copy !req
228. - Men with low self-esteem. Get their clothes off.
- That is a great-Copy !req
229. That is a great social statement.Copy !req
230. I shall get the video camera.
This is ripe for parody.Copy !req
231. This is ripe!Copy !req
232. He just wants to see
boys'Linuses. Oh, God.Copy !req
233. Here we go.Copy !req
234. And so Michael went back to see his mom.Copy !req
235. L- I know that you're upset with me...Copy !req
236. because I brought you here
under false pretenses...Copy !req
237. - but I really was worried about you.
- Oh, please.Copy !req
238. I've been drinking
since before you were born.Copy !req
239. So if alcohol is the reason I'm here,
I've got news for you, bub.Copy !req
240. It's the only reason you're here too.Copy !req
241. Hey, you're mean sober too.Copy !req
242. Uh, listen. I need your help.Copy !req
243. Kitty has shown up,
and she got ahold of Dad.Copy !req
244. She found him in the attic?Copy !req
245. They had a rerun of Scandalmakers
last night. Everybody figured it out.Copy !req
246. She would like to meet you at a bar.Copy !req
247. She says she's got some evidence that could
bring the business down if you don't go.Copy !req
248. You're sending me into a bar?Copy !req
249. Are you sure you can trust me
to make decisions for myself?Copy !req
250. I just need you to find
out what she wants...Copy !req
251. while I check all the local
motels for Dad.Copy !req
252. All right.
But here's what I want.Copy !req
253. A spa weekend with you.
A real one.Copy !req
254. I want to spend
spring break with you.Copy !req
255. You have high self-esteem, right?Copy !req
256. Not after being in here.
It's a nightmare.Copy !req
257. Michael, Mom. We've gotta go now.
I created a diversion.Copy !req
258. You're gonna love this.Copy !req
259. I'd like to check my uncle in
for rehab.Copy !req
260. I thought we were
buying me some pants.Copy !req
261. Oh, of course you think that.
You're high as a kite!Copy !req
262. He needs help! Any-
He needs help! He needs help!Copy !req
263. And so Lucille was able
to meet with Kitty at Señor Tadpole's.Copy !req
264. I want what's due to me-
a Bluth son.Copy !req
265. And I know
you have the material.Copy !req
266. Kitty was right. Ten years earlier...Copy !req
267. George Sr. Was taking an
experimental hair growth drug.Copy !req
268. Fearing damage to his fertility...Copy !req
269. he froze a specimen
of his reproductive material...Copy !req
270. in case he ever wanted
another child.Copy !req
271. Soon, news came out that the drug...Copy !req
272. although somewhat successful...Copy !req
273. wreaked havoc
on the central nervous system.Copy !req
274. So what do you need me for?
He's not taking the monkey drug anymore.Copy !req
275. - And you're the one who's got him. Not me.
- Oh, you know why.Copy !req
276. He won't touch me. He said
he doesn't cheat on his wife anymore.Copy !req
277. - He said that?
- Drinking contest!Copy !req
278. - He said that?
- Drinking contest!Copy !req
279. Tell you what.
I'll drink you for it.Copy !req
280. Oh, I heard you don't handle
your booze so well anymore.Copy !req
281. So this should be easy for you.Copy !req
282. That one didn't count.Copy !req
283. And Michael met up with Gob
to try and find their father.Copy !req
284. I got it.
From the banana stand freezer.Copy !req
285. The exact same kind of cooler
that's in the photo with Dad.Copy !req
286. - What do we need another cooler for?
- Ah, poor Michael.Copy !req
287. You do not think like a magician.Copy !req
288. - Such a "How'd he do dat?"
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
289. It's a classic bait and switch.
This is a decoy cooler.Copy !req
290. We take it in, switch it with the one
from the photo and get out of there.Copy !req
291. Kitty comes back. Everything's normal.
It's like we were never there.Copy !req
292. - But Dad's gone.
- Long gone. But it buys us
all the time in the world.Copy !req
293. I got it back, Mikey.
The self-confidence. I am a magician!Copy !req
294. I'm saying, when Kitty comes back,
notices Dad's gone...Copy !req
295. first thing she's gonna do is check
the cooler, see if the evidence is still there.Copy !req
296. Buys us, like, one second.Copy !req
297. - I am a worthless magician.
- Not true.Copy !req
298. - I can't even do one simple trick.
- Come on.Copy !req
299. - I'm covered in sweat. Look at me!
- It's a great trick.Copy !req
300. - Would've been flawless
if you had a decoy Dad too.
- Damn it.Copy !req
301. And I used a guy that looked
just like him in my last bait and switch.Copy !req
302. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
303. - Well, I'm no longer needed here.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
304. I think the cooler's
actually gonna help us.Copy !req
305. The extra second that it buys us
could be the difference.Copy !req
306. Great. Just give me a couple
of minutes to catch my breath.Copy !req
307. Lucille, minutes out of rehab...Copy !req
308. was engaging in a drinking contest...Copy !req
309. - at the behest ofher son.Copy !req
310. Let me know when you're ready, dear.
- She's mixing!Copy !req
311. While right outside the bar-Copy !req
312. I know what the shape
of a banana reminds you of...Copy !req
313. and I know that when I say
"nuts," it makes you giggle.Copy !req
314. - But do you have any other response...Copy !req
315. to "here's a banana with nuts"?Copy !req
316. Why are we even going after
this idiot demographic?Copy !req
317. Don't you get it? They're not even eating these.
They just like saying bananas and nuts.Copy !req
318. And I won't- I won't tell you why.
That's your father's job.Copy !req
319. Come on! Let's see
some bananas and nuts!Copy !req
320. Oh, perhaps we should
just pull their pants off.Copy !req
321. Hey, what the hell do you think
you're doing? This is where we shoot.Copy !req
322. Yeah, well, you've got competition now,
'cause we're making our own video.Copy !req
323. Will you just get over it!
It's nudity.Copy !req
324. Just because you're ashamed of your body
doesn't mean everybody should be.Copy !req
325. Oh, really? Well, let's see how you feel
about what you're packing.Copy !req
326. You're a- never-nude?Copy !req
327. You're asking girls to take their tops off,
and you can't even be naked?Copy !req
328. - I've gotta get this.
- Lindsay, I've already got it.Copy !req
329. I'm back into cutoffs. Lindsay?Copy !req
330. I didn't see you at the convention.Copy !req
331. - No, I was in Germany. I teleconferenced in.
- Ohhh.Copy !req
332. - Did you go to the seminar on chafing?
- Dr. Schoenweiss. Yes.Copy !req
333. This is never gonna work. There's
too many people, too many rooms.Copy !req
334. Michael, we can't give up.
This is important.Copy !req
335. Believe me. I'd rather be down at the beach
having drinks, howling at chicks.Copy !req
336. - Dad?Copy !req
337. Oh, my boys. Yes, you-
you came for me.Copy !req
338. Yeah, hi, Dad. Uh, Gob's gonna get you
out of those handcuffs. Can you do it?Copy !req
339. - One handcuff key coming up.
- Great.Copy !req
340. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
341. Swallowed a key just in case
I ended up doing a show.Copy !req
342. - Come on. This is disgusting.Copy !req
343. - I'm doing this for you.
- This continued for some time...Copy !req
344. while Michael switched out the coolers.Copy !req
345. - Why are you switching out the coolers?
- It buys us time, Dad.Copy !req
346. - What? Like a second?
- Don't worry about it, okay?Copy !req
347. When I get this evidence out of here,
I'm turning it right into the court.Copy !req
348. Are you kidding? I don't care if the evidence
gets out there. It gets me off the hook.Copy !req
349. - What are you saying? This exonerates you?
- I told you before.Copy !req
350. I was a patsy. I was set up.
I am tired of looking guilty.Copy !req
351. Well, that's- that's great.Copy !req
352. Now who's a horrible magician?Copy !req
353. That is a crown, you horse's ass.Copy !req
354. - How does that make you feel?
- Awesome.Copy !req
355. And George Michael caught up
with Maeby, determined to save her self-esteem.Copy !req
356. Look, I don't want to ruin your fun,
but I hate to see guys treat you like this.Copy !req
357. You're better than that.
To me, anyway. You're-Copy !req
358. - Awesome?
- No, I was gonna say you're-Copy !req
359. you're like this flower,
and I know it's springtime...Copy !req
360. but I just- I'd hate
to see you get plucked...Copy !req
361. by someone who doesn't even care
that you're blossoming.Copy !req
362. That's what I've been waiting to hear.Copy !req
363. Maeby was referring to the dialogue...Copy !req
364. but George Michael had just rediscovered
his feelings for his cousin.Copy !req
365. Hi, Ann. It's-It's George Michael Bluth.Copy !req
366. Um, when you get back
into town, we should talk.Copy !req
367. Can I get you
anything else, ma'am?Copy !req
368. No, thanks.
I have to get back to rehab.Copy !req
369. - She's in rehab!Copy !req
370. - And so George Sr. Was free...Copy !req
371. and Michael and Gob
absconded with the evidence.Copy !req
372. One heck of a trick
you ended up pullin' in there, Gob.Copy !req
373. Truthfully, that wasn't part of the act.Copy !req
374. I was actually trying to get the key
to come out of my mouth.Copy !req
375. That part was very surprising, but I'm talking
about how you helped me get Dad out of there.Copy !req
376. Thanks to you, this family
could end up being okay.Copy !req
377. And Gob had finally
overcome his own low self-esteem.Copy !req
378. Hey, aren't you that magician
who always embarrasses himself?Copy !req
379. Not anymore. Not anymore.Copy !req
380. - Gob!
- But he lost it...Copy !req
381. along with the exonerating evidence.Copy !req
382. - They're laughing, Michael. They're laughing.Copy !req
383. And that's how you narrate a story.Copy !req
384. On the next Arrested Development.Copy !req
385. Lucille gets some
disturbing information.Copy !req
386. - Did you get the evidence?
- Yes, and then Gob ruined it.Copy !req
387. After all the trouble we went through to
switch coolers with the one from the banana stand.Copy !req
388. The one in the freezer? I was storing
very important things there.Copy !req
389. And Kitty finds
what she's been looking for.Copy !req
390. There was 250 c.c.'s of your
father in that banana stand!Copy !req
391. No touching.Copy !req