1. Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...Copy !req
2. and the one son
who had no choice...Copy !req
3. but to keep them all together.Copy !req
4. It's Arrested Development.Copy !req
5. Michael Bluth
had just been stunned to discover...Copy !req
6. that a contract his company was
counting on was being cut back.Copy !req
7. You initially told us to design and build
22 homes. Now you're saying 18.Copy !req
8. That doesn't give us enough
capital to complete the job.Copy !req
9. And we've already got the blueprints
drawn up and everything.Copy !req
10. Well, that part wasn't true.
But they would've.Copy !req
11. That was a very important phone call.Copy !req
12. I don't have much time, Michael. Tobias is
about to walk in here any minute asking for a job.Copy !req
13. I need you to hire him.Copy !req
14. - Hi. I'm sor-
- Look, it isn't my idea, it's his.Copy !req
15. But I need a break
from Mrs. Featherbottom.Copy !req
16. Since moving out, Tobias had
been pretending to be a British housekeeper...Copy !req
17. as a way to be close to his family.Copy !req
18. However, his desire to now be discovered
as himself was becoming bothersome.Copy !req
19. Can't you just tell him you know
that he's Mrs. Featherbottom?Copy !req
20. No. She's the only one
who can hand wash my delicates.Copy !req
21. Yeah, the real Tobias
wouldn't do that.Copy !req
22. - Wouldn't do what?
- Be Michael's assistant.Copy !req
23. Well, that's what I came
down here to ask about.Copy !req
24. I think you'll find me
more than qualified.Copy !req
25. It's really not that simple.
Uh, you'd have to submit a résumé.Copy !req
26. Booyah!Copy !req
27. - Wow. Gobias Industries.
- Gobias.Copy !req
28. - Right. I remember, yeah.
- As in "Go buy us a cup of-"Copy !req
29. It looks like you might be
a little too qualified.Copy !req
30. Hang on. Why don't you let your new
assistant take all this down?Copy !req
31. Wow, you are gung ho.Copy !req
32. You're getting a new assistant?
Is this because the order was cut back?Copy !req
33. No. But if you are concerned
about keeping your job...Copy !req
34. focus on keeping
unwanted visitors out of my office.Copy !req
35. I have rabies, Michael. You know that.
Today was day four of my shots.Copy !req
36. Starla had been bitten by...Copy !req
37. a well-known music producer's guard dog.Copy !req
38. Michael, Starla told us
about the cutback.Copy !req
39. You know, a lot of our overhead
is tied up in the fact...Copy !req
40. we are on the top floor
of a very expensive building.Copy !req
41. - If we move just one floor lower-
- Ted, everything's fine.Copy !req
42. I got it all under control,
and nobody needs to move.Copy !req
43. - I'm sorry. Ted, is it?
- Yes.Copy !req
44. Ted. Did Ted make an appointment?Copy !req
45. - No, I just work down the hall and-
- No.Copy !req
46. Well, then, Ted can get
the hell out of this office!Copy !req
47. - I'm talking-
- You get the hell out!Copy !req
48. - And that's how you keep out unwanted visitors.
- Thank you.Copy !req
49. Although, if I may, let me
take off my assistant skirt...Copy !req
50. and put on my Barbra Streisand in The Prince
of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.Copy !req
51. - What?
- The reason that you can't accept my help...Copy !req
52. is the same reason you can't
hear that gentleman's idea-Copy !req
53. because you have to be in
total control of everything.Copy !req
54. And it's going to make
you sick if you can't let go.Copy !req
55. - Hey, I'm fine.
- Oh?Copy !req
56. Oh! Ooh!
- See? He's right.
You've got a control problem.Copy !req
57. But I know this Eastern medicine store,
Ancient Chinese Secret.Copy !req
58. Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?Copy !req
59. - I sent Gob there for his migraines.
- It's just a cramp. I'm fine.Copy !req
60. In fact, Gob was at Ancient
Chinese Secret at that moment...Copy !req
61. - but not for a migraine.
- Yeah, I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle.Copy !req
62. Me quick, want slow.
Wait, that's Indian.Copy !req
63. Tea for dong.Copy !req
64. - Sweet blade.
- It's the Sword of Destiny. It's full of ancient magic.Copy !req
65. Oh, yeah?
You into magic?Copy !req
66. Still, where'd the lighter fluid come from?Copy !req
67. - So, is it for sale? I could use it in my act.
- Maybe.Copy !req
68. Sword of Destiny hundreds of years old.Copy !req
69. Come with ancient story
of warning and-Copy !req
70. Yeah, I make up my own patter.
Just ring it up with the dong tea.Copy !req
71. And Gob caught up with Michael.Copy !req
72. - Michael. Been lookin' for you.
- Looks like you're looking for dragons,
in the future.Copy !req
73. I wouldn't mock
the Sword of Destiny, Michael.Copy !req
74. Careful with that, Gob.Copy !req
75. - Bleeding?
- Nope.Copy !req
76. Yeah, that's blood.
It'll get better before the show.Copy !req
77. That's what I need you for, Michael.Copy !req
78. I can't perform my illusion
at the Gothic Castle...Copy !req
79. because I've been banned
from the Magicians' Alliance.Copy !req
80. I need you to register as the magician,
and I'm the lowly assistant.Copy !req
81. Then we get on the stage,
and you ram the Sword of Destiny into my belly.Copy !req
82. - What do you think?
- Really picked up steam there
at the end, but I can't.Copy !req
83. I've gotta teach George Michael how to drive.
And then I gotta get right back here, because-Copy !req
84. Michael, if I make this comeback...Copy !req
85. I'll buy you 100 George Michaels
you can teach to drive!Copy !req
86. - You're losing blood, aren't you?
- Probably. My socks are wet.Copy !req
87. Sorry.Copy !req
88. You'll be sorry!
Wait, that doesn't work after his line.Copy !req
89. And Michael rushed home
to teach his son to drive.Copy !req
90. Knock, knock. Hey, Maeby.
George Michael, ready to drive?Copy !req
91. - I don't have much time.
- Get me behind that wheel.Copy !req
92. Oh, no, you will
not be behind the wheel.Copy !req
93. You'll observe me while
I demonstrate some things, okay?Copy !req
94. I'll be quizzing you too, hotshot.
I'm gonna go grab the video camera.Copy !req
95. - And then, school's in.
- I'd skip.Copy !req
96. Well, no, I need to learn.Copy !req
97. You can't get around
anywhere without a driver's license.Copy !req
98. Actually, Maeby had received
a company car from the movie studio...Copy !req
99. where she was secretly
posing as an executive.Copy !req
100. But currently, George Sr.
Was in the attic making a videotape-Copy !req
101. - This is my demand.
- when Michael found him.Copy !req
102. What's the deal with the turban?Copy !req
103. Huh?
Pretty smart, huh?Copy !req
104. - And-And it's warm too.
- Guess that makes sense.Copy !req
105. Oh, hey, I heard about that reduced order.
Those bastards.Copy !req
106. This videotape is for our employees.Copy !req
107. You take this and play it. This will
reassure them that someone is in charge.Copy !req
108. Well, someone is in charge, Dad.
I'm in charge. I've never even taken a sick day.Copy !req
109. No, a real authority.Copy !req
110. My presence needs to be, uh, reinstated.Copy !req
111. His first effort at doing so
had already failed.Copy !req
112. When do you start
being my mole at my company?Copy !req
113. Actually, Michael turned me
down for the job.Copy !req
114. - What?
- Something to do with their
housing order being cut back.Copy !req
115. Oh, my God, that's a horrible sign-
Ow! Damn it!Copy !req
116. I'm the authority,
so I will save the company.Copy !req
117. And I say no videotape. Ooh!Copy !req
118. - You oughta take a sick day. Get out of that office.
- Don't count on it, Dad.Copy !req
119. And Michael was finally ready
to make his son watch him drive.Copy !req
120. All right, stair car basics. In order to
get this thing up to a minimum speed...Copy !req
121. you gotta jam on the gas pedal
for about a minute, okay?Copy !req
122. But in order to slow this thing down...Copy !req
123. you gotta get immediately
back on the brake pedal...Copy !req
124. 'cause you got about
two tons of stairs behind you.Copy !req
125. We're gonna cover the hydraulic flaps
and the riser system...Copy !req
126. after I tell you the basics
about how to avoid a hop-on.Copy !req
127. But the first thing
we're gonna go over- Ow!Copy !req
128. And that's when Michael decided
that perhaps it was time for a sick day.Copy !req
129. Let's go over the route
to the hospital. Ow!Copy !req
130. My baby is sick,
but Mother is here to nurse you.Copy !req
131. - Well, now I'm a little sicker.
- Well, don't you worry about work today.Copy !req
132. I am ready and willing
to step up and take over.Copy !req
133. Yeah, and I'll get George Michael
ready for his driving test.Copy !req
134. I'm gonna teach him when I get out. And no
one's taking over for me at the Bluth Company.Copy !req
135. Michael, this is what we talked about.
I'm sure they'll do just fine without you.Copy !req
136. Well, you're wrong,
because we're in crisis there.Copy !req
137. They need to know that
I'm in charge and I'm in con-Copy !req
138. I'm peeing.
Am I peeing?Copy !req
139. I'm sorry. We gave you a little
something to relax you.Copy !req
140. It may have taken the tingle out
of your genitals.Copy !req
141. Oh, no. You're not
taking care of my son.Copy !req
142. I'm sorry to say this, but it's too late
for me to do anything for your son.Copy !req
143. Let him keep talking.Copy !req
144. Because Dr. Stein here has already
been assigned to his case.Copy !req
145. - You're lucky. He's the best.
- Well, only in the county.Copy !req
146. But I'm certainly good enough to
take out that appendix of yours.Copy !req
147. - Appendix?
- I don't buy it. Could be a hernia.Copy !req
148. Or it could be your colon.Copy !req
149. I'd want to get in there
and find some answers.Copy !req
150. Well, I am the best doctor
in the state.Copy !req
151. But if you don't trust my decisions-Copy !req
152. No, no, no. No. You're the doctor.
You see, he's the authority here.Copy !req
153. We need to respect him just like the employees
at the Bluth Company need to respect me.Copy !req
154. Okay, I'm going to put you on this machine
to slow down your heart rate.Copy !req
155. Hopefully not too slow, because
it's already dangerously slow as it is.Copy !req
156. Whatever you think, Doctor.Copy !req
157. Meanwhile, Gob was still trying
to arrange his comeback in magic.Copy !req
158. So I'd be a magician
and you'd be my assistant?Copy !req
159. Well, on paper, yes.Copy !req
160. But once the show starts,
and you ram that sword through my belly...Copy !req
161. people will know that I'm the one
who belongs back in the Alliance.Copy !req
162. The kind of trick that I can put on a DVD,
like Tony Wonder does.Copy !req
163. Tony Wonder had startled the
world by baking himself into a loaf ofbread.Copy !req
164. He sold the DVD's of it on his Web site...Copy !req
165. which many claimed suffered
due to its pop-up ads.
- Thanks.Copy !req
166. I'm finally being treated like a real person,
not some deformed-Copy !req
167. Hook! Forgot about
that thing, Elephant Man.Copy !req
168. Gonna have to figure out something to do
so that people can look at you...Copy !req
169. without wanting to kill themselves.Copy !req
170. That night, George Sr.
Heard about Michael's illness.Copy !req
171. The employees are gonna panic.
They need to know that someone's in control.Copy !req
172. - And how do we do that?
- Booyah!Copy !req
173. And at the Gothic Castle...Copy !req
174. - Buster had been outfitted with
a mechanical Halloween hand.
- Whoa!Copy !req
175. Looks like you've got some dirty ears.Copy !req
176. Well, you're not on the banned list,
so you can go on at 6:00.Copy !req
177. 6:00? Looks like you'll be my opener.Copy !req
178. Tony Wonder!Copy !req
179. You like bread?Copy !req
180. - Yeah.
- Have some.Copy !req
181. - Wow, it's warm.
- How did you do that?Copy !req
182. Oh, ho, ho.
Magicians only.Copy !req
183. I folded it up into some squares,
and I put it in a pouch under my shirt...Copy !req
184. and then I pull it out, and I make it
look like it came out of my skin.Copy !req
185. - Wow, that sounds easy.
- Keep it to yourself.Copy !req
186. And good luck up there tonight.
And you! You'll get there someday.Copy !req
187. I started out as a little "W."
Somehow I became a big one.Copy !req
188. I don't even know how
it happened. All right?Copy !req
189. My eye!Copy !req
190. Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man.Copy !req
191. What a cool guy.Copy !req
192. - Tobias had been sent to the office by George Sr.
- My name is Dr. Tobias Fünke...Copy !req
193. and I'll be filling in for Michael,
who is not sick.Copy !req
194. In fact, just today I saw
a sliver of his buttocks...Copy !req
195. and they're as fresh and firm
as a Georgia peach, so not to worry.Copy !req
196. But before you all rise up and say,
"Well, let's make this man our leader,"Copy !req
197. well, I think that won't be
necessary after you see this.Copy !req
198. Is this right?Copy !req
199. Meanwhile, Lindsay had
also violated Michael's authority...Copy !req
200. and was teaching
George Michael to drive.Copy !req
201. Sure you don't want me
to watch you for a while?Copy !req
202. Driving is about confidence, George Michael.
Jam on it! It feels great, right?Copy !req
203. Now, put your foot on the brake.
There's a light in a half mile.Copy !req
204. Meanwhile,
Buster and Gob had begun...Copy !req
205. the Sword of Destiny illusion
at the Gothic Castle.Copy !req
206. Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah! Ooh! Whoo!Copy !req
207. Stop it, Buster.Copy !req
208. - And now our magic trick.
- Illusion.Copy !req
209. Silence, slave!Copy !req
210. In this magic trick,
I'm going to put a sword...Copy !req
211. - through my assistant's tummy.
- No patter.Copy !req
212. May I have the trick sword, please?Copy !req
213. It's a real sword, master.Copy !req
214. Oh-ho!Copy !req
215. - Ooh! Hoo, hoo, hoo!
- We've got 'em. I'm gonna milk this for a minute.Copy !req
216. Okay.Copy !req
217. My hand! My hand!Copy !req
218. And the audience wasn't
the only one impressed by the performance.Copy !req
219. Bravo. Hey, give us a sec,
would you, Candida?Copy !req
220. My brother's widow.
It's- up.Copy !req
221. Hey, so the accident angle.
Right on.Copy !req
222. - Oh, thank you, very much.
- No, thank you.Copy !req
223. The "How'd he do dats?" ate it up.Copy !req
224. Sorry. That's what we call the audience.Copy !req
225. No, l-I know- I know about all that.
Used to have a solo act.Copy !req
226. There was talk of boiling me
into a bisque at one point.Copy !req
227. Not registering. But you hitched
your wagon to the right star.Copy !req
228. - I want you guys on my next DVD.
- You want us for Use Your Illusion?Copy !req
229. Actually, some band has
got the rights to that title.Copy !req
230. So, I'm thinkin', like,
Use Your Illusion II.Copy !req
231. But, yeah, meet me out there tomorrow.
And, uh, if you get thirsty-Copy !req
232. Have a free round of drinks,
courtesy ofTony Wonder.Copy !req
233. - It's a Subway Sub Club card.
- That's a magician.Copy !req
234. Oh, it still needs three stamps.Copy !req
235. Michael had just come
around from his appendectomy.Copy !req
236. Give me the phone. I want to call
George Michael, tell him I'm okay.Copy !req
237. He's on his way here.
We passed him on the road.Copy !req
238. He was doing really well.
Had his first hop-on.Copy !req
239. What are you talking about?
He's driving? I told Lindsay not to teach him.Copy !req
240. - I was going to videotape that hop-on.
- Hey, Dad. How're you feeling?Copy !req
241. Bad, George Michael. I just found out
Lindsay's teaching you how to drive.Copy !req
242. Yeah. She's still trying to get the stairs
unwedged from the emergency room overhang.Copy !req
243. I was gonna teach you. Just forget
everything she told you, and we'll start over.Copy !req
244. Oh, for God's sake.
Tobias is right.Copy !req
245. - What?
- You have to control everyone's life.Copy !req
246. I don't know where you get that from.
Oscar, stop licking that sore.Copy !req
247. - I'm not.
- Well, the operation went pretty smoothly.Copy !req
248. But once I got in there,
the appendix wasn't so inflamed. D'oh.Copy !req
249. - I knew it.
- Okay. Well, can we get me out of here?Copy !req
250. I gotta retrain my son how to drive,
and I need to stop by the office...Copy !req
251. - to make sure my business doesn't go to hell.
- And, not so fast, Michael.Copy !req
252. There seems to be a bacterial infection
from the operation...Copy !req
253. - which left an abscess in your abdominal wall.
- Ew.Copy !req
254. I know, it's pretty gross.
It could heal on its own.Copy !req
255. But I say we go in there
Dr. Stein-style and cut it out.Copy !req
256. I want to show these interns what
the best doctor in Southern California can do.Copy !req
257. - Well, I respect your decision.
- I'll check on you soon.Copy !req
258. Michael, this crazy point you're trying to
make about respecting authority is absurd.Copy !req
259. And one day, you're gonna wake up and find
out it has caused you nothing but trouble.Copy !req
260. - And you are peeing again.
- And as the anesthesia took hold...Copy !req
261. Michael realized he was going to
wake up to nothing but trouble.Copy !req
262. The F.B.I. Has pinpointed the location
of escaped convict George Bluth today...Copy !req
263. thanks to a tape turned in by a rabid
and disgruntled employee.Copy !req
264. The F.B.I. Has matched the design of the attic
to one of Saddam Hussein's Iraqi houses.Copy !req
265. - And it appears his son is with him.
- This is my demand.Copy !req
266. Booyah!Copy !req
267. Buster and Gob were
waiting to meet with Tony Wonder.Copy !req
268. All right. He's gonna lowball us, so just
let me do the talking, all right, Busty?Copy !req
269. This DVD is the destiny
the sword has chosen for me.Copy !req
270. I wonder where he is.Copy !req
271. Did somebody say, "Wonder"?Copy !req
272. He just appeared out of nowhere,
in front of that dumbwaiter.Copy !req
273. Actually, he'd been hiding inside
the dumbwaiter for over 20 minutes...Copy !req
274. - waiting for someone to use the word "wonder."
- I wonder where he is.Copy !req
275. Oh, hey, you've got a piece
of lettuce on your shoulder.Copy !req
276. Ta-da!Copy !req
277. Part of the trick.
So, let's get down to business, shall we?Copy !req
278. Hey, can you, uh, go wait with
the other assistants over there?Copy !req
279. - What?
- No, whatever you say to me, you can say to him.Copy !req
280. I grant him magic sanctuary.Copy !req
281. Uh, you grant me? Come on,
you can't just make up-
- That's fine.Copy !req
282. I second the sanctuary.
But with a clause of silence.Copy !req
283. So, I want you guys to be on Use Your Illusion.
Only now it's "Allusion" with an "A."Copy !req
284. So if you guys want to put
an allusion in there somewhere...Copy !req
285. like, you know, Poe or something or-
Don't do Poe, 'cause I'm doin' Poe.Copy !req
286. - What about Chaucer?
- Just not Poe, okay?Copy !req
287. And, uh, I don't think
we need, uh, your assistant.Copy !req
288. - What?
- Eh! Clause of silence.Copy !req
289. Look, my assistant is my partner.
I need him.Copy !req
290. For what, Buster, huh?
You're the magic.Copy !req
291. Check out those moves you're doin', man.
They're in their own orbit.Copy !req
292. Look at Tiagra, my girl.
Don't look at her.Copy !req
293. 'Cause you look at her and it affects her
in a way that I don't feel comfortable with.Copy !req
294. Or go for it. I don't care, whatever.
I'm just sayin' it's your world.Copy !req
295. All right, you know what?
The trick is on you, Tony Wonder.Copy !req
296. I'm the magician. He's the assistant.
We don't need him!Copy !req
297. The real Sword of Destiny trick
hasn't even been performed yet. Ta-da!Copy !req
298. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Wait.Copy !req
299. Are you tellin' me that you have a
multi-stage trick with hidden identities?Copy !req
300. That's right. And I'm gonna perform
the real trick this afternoon.Copy !req
301. - I guess we'll see what you can do then.
- I guess we will.Copy !req
302. Ow! Darryl, I told you to move that-
chair 10 times!Copy !req
303. And clean the-
Dumbwaiter while you're at it!Copy !req
304. Oh, I was really hoping
for a graham cracker.Copy !req
305. That would have been
a good spot for a trick.Copy !req
306. - Michael awoke from his second surgery.
- Morning, sleepyhead.Copy !req
307. - Did you get the abscess?
- Well, uh, we had a little whoopsie.Copy !req
308. See, we got the abscess, but I think
we might have left some snippers in there.Copy !req
309. It's not very likely, but one of the assistants
having taken them is even less likely.Copy !req
310. - Unless I left them in my scrubs.
- Michael, good news.Copy !req
311. They think George is in Iraq.
All the pressure's off him.Copy !req
312. That was on the news?
I thought that I dreamt that.Copy !req
313. - Oh, they're gonna think that I'm there. Ow!
- But not to worry.Copy !req
314. Tobias said he's handling it
with the F.B. I...Copy !req
315. and the employees have
everything under control.Copy !req
316. No, that's the worst thing possible.Copy !req
317. They think the company's in trouble
and that I'm in Iraq.Copy !req
318. I gotta get down there.
I need your car keys.Copy !req
319. And so Michael
and George Michael headed to the office.Copy !req
320. - Right here, gentlemen.
- Which is how Tobias missed him.Copy !req
321. Michael Bluth is not... in Iraq.Copy !req
322. Michael, back to bed with you.
You look awful.Copy !req
323. Michael rushed to the office
only to find that his worst fears had come true.Copy !req
324. We're too late. It's gone.
Everybody said that I was too controlling...Copy !req
325. but I walk away for one minute,
look what happens to the company.Copy !req
326. I mean, this is why
I didn't want- Damn it!Copy !req
327. Dad, you should probably take it easy.Copy !req
328. I said that this would happen. I said respect
my authority, but no one would listen.Copy !req
329. Everybody had
their own better id- Ow!Copy !req
330. And maybe it was the stress
or even the misplaced snippers...Copy !req
331. but Michael had never felt worse.Copy !req
332. However, thanks to taking on his authority,
the employees had never felt better.Copy !req
333. - Ted?
- Oh, hey, Michael. Good news.Copy !req
334. We leased the top floor to another company
and moved down here.Copy !req
335. But we can stay in business
without having to build the extra houses.Copy !req
336. We did it.
We did it!Copy !req
337. - You're goin' down, right?
- Whoo!Copy !req
338. And back at the Gothic Castle,
Gob was performing his illusion.Copy !req
339. Hey, after I cut the candle in half,
switch out the real sword for the fake one.Copy !req
340. What are you doin'?
I'm Gob Bluth.Copy !req
341. I'm the real magician.
This man is only the assistant.Copy !req
342. Buster, the sword.Copy !req
343. Handle first. Handle first.Copy !req
344. Oh, my fingers!Copy !req
345. He cut off my-
fingers!Copy !req
346. - Oh!
- No!Copy !req
347. - Guy is good. Damn good.
- Bravo!Copy !req
348. I'm not kidding!
He cut off my- fingers!Copy !req
349. - I didn't know we had taquitos.
- More! More!Copy !req
350. And Michael came to a decision.Copy !req
351. You know what, George Michael?Copy !req
352. I think I'm going to give up
some of my authority, starting now.Copy !req
353. You drive home. All right?Copy !req
354. Unfortunately,
Michael's decision to let his son...Copy !req
355. drive a car with a more
responsive gas pedal...Copy !req
356. was not a good decision.Copy !req
357. Your leg's gonna be fine, Michael.Copy !req
358. And I wouldn't worry about
getting hit by any more cars.Copy !req
359. I've shortened your calf muscles to
theoretically increase your jumping ability.Copy !req
360. But if it works,
I could be the best in the world.Copy !req
361. I want the other doctor back.Copy !req
362. On the next Arrested Development.Copy !req
363. - Michael gets a new roommate.
- Your fingers have been perfectly reattached.Copy !req
364. Go ahead, take a look.Copy !req
365. My middle finger
and index finger are-Copy !req
366. Switched for the first time ever.Copy !req
367. - Nice job, Frank.
- Amazing.Copy !req
368. And the F.B.I. Finds footage more
troublesome than they'd originally thought.Copy !req
369. It appears there was
something else on the videotape.Copy !req
370. We think it's a terrorist training film.Copy !req
371. You're not half the man he was!Copy !req
372. This kid's got moves.Copy !req