1. Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...Copy !req
2. and the one son
who had no choice...Copy !req
3. but to keep them all together.Copy !req
4. It's Arrested Development.Copy !req
5. Michael Bluth arrived home
to find his mother, Lucille...Copy !req
6. - in a state of agitation.
- I think the company's in trouble.Copy !req
7. What tipped you?
The falling profits...Copy !req
8. or that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's
"Most Ridiculous Item of the Day"?Copy !req
9. I'm talking about the fact that my "friend"
Lucille Austero bought our company...Copy !req
10. and I think she's going for
a power grab, that bitch!Copy !req
11. You're not at home, Mom.
She doesn't live next door when you're here.Copy !req
12. Secondly, she's already grabbed power.
She's the majority shareholder of the company.Copy !req
13. Your brother Gob.Copy !req
14. In fact, Lucille 2
was already with Gob-
- You look really nice.Copy !req
15. - but she was growing tired of his neediness.
- Where are you going?Copy !req
16. I'm going to my spin class.Copy !req
17. Thought you had vertigo.Copy !req
18. She'll sell the company or break it up
into little parts or something...Copy !req
19. all under the guise of
"caring" about our family.Copy !req
20. Gotta stop quoting when you drink.
I certainly hope she's not planning a move.Copy !req
21. I wouldn't put it past her.
She'd love to get at me any way she could.Copy !req
22. That's why she's been
flirting with Gob.Copy !req
23. She's trying to prove that she's closer
to my children than I am...Copy !req
24. but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know
how little I care for Gob.Copy !req
25. Think that makes the joke on Gob.Copy !req
26. - Hey, Dad.
- Hey, buddy.Copy !req
27. Was that Gangy who was just-Copy !req
28. You all right? Sorry.
Your grandmother had a little accident here.Copy !req
29. Oh. Does that mean she's gonna
have to come live with us?Copy !req
30. No, no. No. It was- It was her drink,
and even if it wasn't, just-Copy !req
31. Do you remember when I bid on Sally Sitwell
at the bachelorette auction?Copy !req
32. They sent me this basket with all this stuff
for our date, you know. It's a whole package.Copy !req
33. I thought that maybe we could do it
together, like a Valentine's present.Copy !req
34. - You're not gonna take Sally?
- Sally, no. No.Copy !req
35. L-I wanted it for us.
I never wanted to be with Sally.Copy !req
36. Actually, Michael
had gone over to Sitwell Enterprises-Copy !req
37. - Michael Bluth to see Sally.
- one day earlier to set up a date with Sally.Copy !req
38. I'm afraid she's not here. If you'd like me
to take the package, I can give it to her.Copy !req
39. No, no. This is, uh-
This is not for her. It's for my son.Copy !req
40. Just don't tell her I came by.Copy !req
41. In fact, Sally wasn't there...Copy !req
42. and the person Michael saw
was her father.Copy !req
43. - You kidding? This makes me
look like my daughter.
- No one's going to think that.Copy !req
44. I look like Edgar Winter.
Forget it. I gotta get to spin class.Copy !req
45. So what do you say?
We got a basketful of father-son fun here.Copy !req
46. - What's Kama Sutra oil?
- Maybe it's not for us.Copy !req
47. Ah, Valentine's Day, which-Copy !req
48. Oh! Was your mother here?Copy !req
49. Here. You all right?
I'll help you up.Copy !req
50. Oh, that is quite a basket
you've got there, Michael.Copy !req
51. That Sally Sitwell
is one lucky lady.Copy !req
52. Well, I'm- I'm not so sure that she's actually...
right for me, anyway.Copy !req
53. But you got one of these too, didn't you?
Y-You bought Lindsay at the same auction.Copy !req
54. Well, yes, but I'm afraid
I prematurely shot my wad...Copy !req
55. on what was supposed to be
a dry run, if you will.Copy !req
56. So now I'm afraid I have
something of a mess on my hands.Copy !req
57. It's just-There's so many
poorly chosen words in that sentence.Copy !req
58. Tobias wanted to make sure
that everything was perfect for Lindsay...Copy !req
59. so he went to check it out first.Copy !req
60. Oh. Body chocolate.Copy !req
61. - It's a wonderful package. I'll take it.
- You just did.Copy !req
62. Why don't you take this?
I don't have anyone to go with anyway.Copy !req
63. Can you imagine
how jealous that would make her?Copy !req
64. "Where's Tobias?"Copy !req
65. "Oh, he's just sharing
a romantic horseback ride with Michael Bluth...Copy !req
66. and they're dipping each other in"-Copy !req
67. - Oh, you didn't get any body chocolate.
- L-I didn't mean with me.Copy !req
68. L-I hate to see you struggle like this.
In fact, why don't you let me ask her for you?Copy !req
69. Well, Michael, you really are
quite the Cupid, aren't you?Copy !req
70. I tell you, you can zing your
arrow into my buttocks anytime.Copy !req
71. Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a
tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day.Copy !req
72. I think you're gonna be surprised
at some of your phrasing.Copy !req
73. Butterscotch! Want a lick?Copy !req
74. And later, Lindsay
stopped by the office at Michael's request.Copy !req
75. Great. Thank you. Listen. I want you to take...
my romance package at the Four Seas Hotel.Copy !req
76. - Oh, yea!
- That's great. Tobias is gonna be thrilled.Copy !req
77. - Oh. I have to go with Tobias?
- Lindsay, your husband really wants this to work.Copy !req
78. - Come on. Let me play Cupid this year.
- I thought he went already.Copy !req
79. - I'm giving you mine.
- Because you're afraid to ask
Sally Sitwell to go with you.Copy !req
80. That's not true at all.
- Mmm?
Chaw-chee-chaw, chee-chaw.Copy !req
81. - What is that? Is that a chicken?
- What's this?Copy !req
82. - Oh. Michael's scared to ask out Sally.
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
83. - Chaw-chee-chaw-
- This is priceless.Copy !req
84. You too. This is great. Come on.
These aren't even birds.Copy !req
85. I am not-That's enough.
There are people working.Copy !req
86. Listen, I think that Lucille 2
is up to something.Copy !req
87. Mom said the same thing. I thought she was
ticked off'cause you're seeing her.Copy !req
88. What? You're seeing Lucille 2?
Does Buster know?Copy !req
89. No. And I'm not.
Just don't tell people-Copy !req
90. I'm playing the part of the gigolo
so that she'll keep the company afloat.Copy !req
91. But something weird happened yesterday
when I was trying to find a way out of there.Copy !req
92. Hello?Copy !req
93. In fact, it was Stan Sitwell calling her...Copy !req
94. as he'd become quite taken
with Lucille 2 himself.Copy !req
95. It all makes sense.
Why else would Sally Sitwell be avoiding me?Copy !req
96. - She thinks you're a loser.
- And why would Lucille 2
be so distant toward me?Copy !req
97. - 'Cause she knows you're a loser.
- I think it's pretty clear.Copy !req
98. Lucille 2 and Sitwell
are working on a business deal.Copy !req
99. Lindsay, I'd like for you to go over
to Sitwell and see what you can find out.Copy !req
100. - I can't go there again.
- Why do I have to do that?Copy !req
101. Because you've been helping yourself
to the company money for some time.Copy !req
102. It's not like you do anything
for the family anyway.Copy !req
103. Gob doesn't do anything
for the family.Copy !req
104. Hey, I'm-
Lucille 2.Copy !req
105. Oh. I could do
something like that.Copy !req
106. This is what Dad was really good at-
getting us out of tight spots.Copy !req
107. In fact, at that very moment,
George Sr. was in a tight spot...Copy !req
108. as he'd gotten himself
wedged under the furnace...Copy !req
109. while chasing after a sour ball
that had rolled out of his pocket.Copy !req
110. Eventually, Michael rescued him.Copy !req
111. I'm starting to worry
she's gonna sell us out.Copy !req
112. I think the answer
to this problem is money.Copy !req
113. Now, this may just be me having my head against
a hundred-degree furnace for an hour...Copy !req
114. but maybe we should
bring in Jack Dorso.Copy !req
115. - UncleJack?
- Well, no. He's not my uncle.
He's, uh, my dad's friend.Copy !req
116. But, uh, this guy
has got a fortune.Copy !req
117. Jack Dorso
first achieved success in the '40s...Copy !req
118. as a costar of the radio and then film serial,
- Nazi Hunters.Copy !req
119. There are two Nazis
up there in that dance hall.Copy !req
120. Shoot me.Copy !req
121. Happy Valentine's Day, Nazis.Copy !req
122. When the actor
who played Red McGibbon...Copy !req
123. was jailed for his
Communist sympathies...Copy !req
124. Jack Dorso made one attempt
at a solo Bullet feature.Copy !req
125. But the audience was not ready
to accept Bullet as a romantic lead...Copy !req
126. despite his powerful upper body.Copy !req
127. So he started
a chain of gymnasiums...Copy !req
128. having stolen the idea
from Red during a prison visit.Copy !req
129. - And as the years passed-
- Hey, Jack!Copy !req
130. He became well-known
for his annual birthday feats of strength.Copy !req
131. Five pounds for each year of my life.Copy !req
132. Sadly, he lost the use
of his legs on his 70th birthday-Copy !req
133. - Release!
- at the newly-remodeled Jack Dorso's
in Albany, New York.Copy !req
134. Too much!Copy !req
135. If he's got so much money,
how come we never called him before?Copy !req
136. But I have. I mean, there wouldn't be
a Bluth Company without him.Copy !req
137. I could never have afforded
that first tract of land.Copy !req
138. But he always wants
something in return.Copy !req
139. I don't know.Copy !req
140. See if you can talk your mother into
taking another bullet for the Bluth family.Copy !req
141. The family gathered at Lucille's
to welcome and solicit UncleJack.Copy !req
142. And remember,
he wasn't really their uncle.Copy !req
143. Buster. Nice of you to take a break
from that common whore you've been dating.Copy !req
144. She is not a whore, Mother. She happens to
be the new secretary of the Bluth Company.Copy !req
145. And, yes, she's more experienced
than a normal girl.Copy !req
146. - But sometimes love should be terrifying.
- In fact...Copy !req
147. Buster had even started
using his army stealth training.
- Buster.Copy !req
148. I'll be right in, and then
maybe we can talk about-Copy !req
149. Makin' that love.Copy !req
150. I shouldn't complain. It's better than
you dating Lucille 2, that bitch!Copy !req
151. Lucille 2's not a "B,"Mother.
She's kind, and she's caring...Copy !req
152. and she's certainly less experienced
than that whore that I'm dating now.Copy !req
153. And perhaps it was
screaming it out loud...Copy !req
154. that made Buster realize
that he missed Lucille 2.Copy !req
155. I'm wondering if you can keep
some of the more piercing profanities down...Copy !req
156. when the 90-year-old
fitness buff gets here?Copy !req
157. You know, Michael, I was happy
to call UncleJack for you...Copy !req
158. but that's as much
as I'm going to do.Copy !req
159. If you know what I mean.Copy !req
160. I need a more vital man.Copy !req
161. Someone order 140 pounds
of upper-body strength?Copy !req
162. Well, he certainly
sounds vital to me.Copy !req
163. Walk, Dragon! Walk!Copy !req
164. - Enter the room!
- Welcome, UncleJack.Copy !req
165. He's half deaf.
It was a stupid, stupid hire.Copy !req
166. Not "higher."
Eye level! Eye level!Copy !req
167. Kisses, and then we talk.
Which one is Michael?Copy !req
168. - Uh-
- Swoop me!Copy !req
169. Oh.
- I, uh, really appreciate
you coming over, UncleJack.Copy !req
170. Thank you for having me.
You may be amazed.Copy !req
171. Uh, I'm invited into
very few personal homes.Copy !req
172. To the nuts!Copy !req
173. The bridge mix!
The bridge mix! Fool!Copy !req
174. Hey, fake UncleJack.Copy !req
175. Is this the boy? Is this the little one?
My God, you're an army man.Copy !req
176. - Well-
- I was never in the army. I was in the pictures.Copy !req
177. Here comes UncleJack. Shoot me!Copy !req
178. Oh, God!Copy !req
179. Look at that. I pinned him. I pinned the army man.Copy !req
180. God bless you for being in the army.
Up, Dragon!Copy !req
181. Lift. Lift with vigor.Copy !req
182. - Remember me?
- Lucille. You look younger
than you did the day l-Copy !req
183. Oh, you old fool. I'm Lucille.Copy !req
184. You look fabulous.
Back to the blonde. Back to the blonde.Copy !req
185. Isn't she beautiful? Oh, yeah.Copy !req
186. He's kind of scary, that guy, huh?Copy !req
187. Not to me.
I think he's kind of cool.Copy !req
188. Well, why don't you go get your kiss
from Mr. Cool Half-Man?Copy !req
189. - I'd be fine with that.
- Let's go.Copy !req
190. - So what's your point?
- Come on.Copy !req
191. Why, she's no bigger
than one of my legs.Copy !req
192. Shake them for her.Copy !req
193. Excuse me, UncleJack.
I'm George Michael.Copy !req
194. It's okay. Just ignore it!Copy !req
195. Ignore it. Just something the body does
when you're shaken.Copy !req
196. Don't shake it!
Don't shake it!Copy !req
197. - Towel!
- Not the good ones!Copy !req
198. Is he dying? What if he's dying?Copy !req
199. Boy, that Dragon's cute, huh?Copy !req
200. What, the deaf giant
who's holding our fake uncle?Copy !req
201. He's been flirting
with me all night.Copy !req
202. I was thinking maybe it would
be best for the family...Copy !req
203. if I went on that romance thing
with Drag instead ofTobias...Copy !req
204. which would be a drag.Copy !req
205. Yeah, that's just the kind of joke Drag can't hear.Copy !req
206. No, you're gonna go with Tobias or not at all.
Now tell me what you found out at Sitwell.Copy !req
207. - Oh. You still want me to do that?
- You didn't?Copy !req
208. Lindsay, I give you one thing to do
for the business, and you can't even do it.Copy !req
209. I mean, if you'd tried and failed,
I'd understand, but you didn't even try.Copy !req
210. So, I didn't even fail, and I don't see you
giving me credit for that.Copy !req
211. Michael knew
that since Lindsay let him down...Copy !req
212. he had no choice but to ask UncleJack
for the money to save his company.Copy !req
213. - Pretty.
- Yes.Copy !req
214. Do you think you should be perched
on the edge of the building like this?Copy !req
215. Oh, Dragon's got me.Copy !req
216. - Dragon's in the bathroom.
- Mama!Copy !req
217. Come on. I got ya. I got ya. It's okay.Copy !req
218. And so Michael laid out his dilemma.
family company get ruined.Copy !req
219. - I was hoping that this was a social visit-
- Well-Copy !req
220. particularly when that sister of yours
started giving me the cutie eye.Copy !req
221. She did?Copy !req
222. Unfortunately that moose was holding me,
so I couldn't make my move.Copy !req
223. Of course I couldn't make that move
without that moose, but that's my challenge.Copy !req
224. I won't go wheelchair!Copy !req
225. Twirl me around.Copy !req
226. Hey, hey. No.
I got you. I got you.Copy !req
227. You all right?Copy !req
228. But Valentine's Day is here,
and I'm alone.Copy !req
229. The moose is no one.Copy !req
230. Perhaps if I had
a little... companionship...Copy !req
231. I'd be a little more
disposed to whip out...Copy !req
232. that old wallet of mine.Copy !req
233. You're saying if I were
to set you up with my sister...Copy !req
234. - you would consider bailing us out?
- Oh, joy. Yeah.Copy !req
235. Michael was torn.Copy !req
236. - The business meant the world
to him, but his sister's honor-
- Let's do it.Copy !req
237. - uh, meant a lot too.
- Let's go share the good news.Copy !req
238. Michael had offered his sister
to his UncleJack...Copy !req
239. in exchange for money
to save the company.Copy !req
240. Remember, it's not their real uncle.Copy !req
241. - He's cute, isn't he?
- So cute.Copy !req
242. - Imagine him without that muscly
little old guy in his arms.
- Oh, Dragon. Right.Copy !req
243. Well, that's why I was thinking maybe you
should go with Dragon on that romantic getaway.Copy !req
244. - Oh.
- Now, I know he's working...Copy !req
245. so UncleJack's
gonna have to go along.Copy !req
246. Oh. Well, as long as
he promises not to shake him.Copy !req
247. - Mmm.
- So, what did he say about the money?Copy !req
248. He said he'd like to sleep on it.Copy !req
249. Meanwhile,
Buster had decided to pursue a new girlfriend:Copy !req
250. His old girlfriend.Copy !req
251. Hey- Brother?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
252. I'm keeping an eye on the woman
who controls our company.Copy !req
253. In her robe and slippies?Copy !req
254. Getting into her head. I think she's planning
on selling our company to Stan Sitwell.Copy !req
255. But I've lost her trail, and I don't think
I have the skills to pick it up.Copy !req
256. Skills?Copy !req
257. These kind of skills?Copy !req
258. Not really.Copy !req
259. But if you give me one of those outfits,
we can hide in the bushes and spy on them.Copy !req
260. I would like to see her again.
You've got it.Copy !req
261. And Michael told his father
the good news about UncleJack.Copy !req
262. - You are pimping out your sister?
- You were pimping out my mother.Copy !req
263. Yes, because she was
sleeping with my brother, but your sister?Copy !req
264. Everything's gonna be fine.
No one's gonna get hurt.Copy !req
265. No one is going to get hurt.Copy !req
266. Oh. Hey, Michael. My dad wanted me
to thank you for the romantic getaway.Copy !req
267. Don't tell me what that means.Copy !req
268. - Where is your dad?
- He left, dressed all western-y.Copy !req
269. You could leave me
out of that part too.Copy !req
270. And Michael realized
that perhaps somebody would get hurt.Copy !req
271. - I just screwed my brother-in-law.
- Well, I'm all grown up now.Copy !req
272. So Michael rushed
to the Four Seas Hotel...Copy !req
273. to keep Tobias from finding out
about Lindsay's date.Copy !req
274. Michael, this is Jeff.
He does all the horse work here.Copy !req
275. You'll meet him again at the end.
Plus, he gets you your juice.Copy !req
276. Not your first juice,
but the one you get at the spa.Copy !req
277. - That's right. You've done this before.
- But not with a lovely lady.Copy !req
278. Jeff doubts one's coming at all,
don't you? Sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
279. About the lovely lady-Copy !req
280. Stop. You dropped the boot.
Dropped the boot.Copy !req
281. Michael came up with
the only evasion he could think of.Copy !req
282. Tobias, the lovely lady, she's gonna be
a little bit late. She's doing some work.Copy !req
283. She said to get started without her.Copy !req
284. - Saddle me up, Jeff.
- It's gonna take a few minutes
to tack another horse.Copy !req
285. So Michael embarked on
the romantic adventure he'd spent so lavishly for.Copy !req
286. Well, you certainly didn't help
with my reputation as a lady's man with Jeff.Copy !req
287. But we'll clear all that up in the spa
when I get my facial.Copy !req
288. Hey, did you ever get
that tape recorder?Copy !req
289. You're funny.
Come on, boy. Hoo-cha-cha!Copy !req
290. Soon the next group
began their romantic date.Copy !req
291. - So nice of you to cover this, UncleJack.
- My pleasure.Copy !req
292. It's nice to do something
you don't need legs for.Copy !req
293. Towel!Copy !req
294. And Lucille 2
showed up with Stan Sitwell...Copy !req
295. who did look a little
like Edgar Winter.Copy !req
296. And one by one, they each enjoyed
the activities of their romantic getaways.Copy !req
297. - Body chocolate?
- No.Copy !req
298. Of course, in the spa...Copy !req
299. the jets proved too powerful
for UncleJack's tiny legs.Copy !req
300. The spa portion also proved challenging
to Stan Sitwell and Lucille 2...Copy !req
301. who in turn
were being followed by Buster...Copy !req
302. and Gob.Copy !req
303. And soon, Michael and Tobias
awaited their massage therapists.Copy !req
304. So, uh, Tobias...Copy !req
305. I'm afraid that your wife
might not actually end up here with you.Copy !req
306. You know, Michael, perhaps
I should buy you that tape recorder.Copy !req
307. Do you have any idea how often
you say the word "afraid"?Copy !req
308. Well, I know I used it
in theJacuzzi.Copy !req
309. And I apologize for that.
I thought it was a pool toy.Copy !req
310. But you were supposed
to be here with Sally Sitwell...Copy !req
311. but... you were afraid
to ask her.Copy !req
312. So what do you do? You create issues,
and you make up imaginary problems...Copy !req
313. like this merger
I hear you're worried about.Copy !req
314. Well, uh, you're probably right-Copy !req
315. About me being afraid of the word "No," but-Copy !req
316. You know, the merger's real.
I'm not imagining that.Copy !req
317. Lucille! Michael.Copy !req
318. - Michael?
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
319. Following Lucille 2.
She's with Sitwell.Copy !req
320. She probably figured
that we'd never track her.Copy !req
321. But we lost her.
Everyone put on white robes and outsmarted us.Copy !req
322. Lucille! Lindsay?Copy !req
323. Lindsay.Copy !req
324. Wait, wait, wait.
Lindsay's here? With two men?Copy !req
325. Sort of one and a half.Copy !req
326. Tobias. Hey, Tobias!Copy !req
327. Lindsay, look. L- Oh.
Lucille 2. I'm sorry.Copy !req
328. - And, miss, I don't know your name.
- Tobias?Copy !req
329. Lucille? Sitwell? What's this?Copy !req
330. It's our romantic getaway, Michael.Copy !req
331. Romantic? So, then the company
isn't being taken over...Copy !req
332. so Lindsay doesn't have
to be with UncleJack?Copy !req
333. Oh, Tobias.
We gotta stop Linds-Tobias?Copy !req
334. - How'd you like to take a nap, baldy?
- I'll handle this.Copy !req
335. She's my girlfriend, pal.
Take him down, Buster.Copy !req
336. Your girlfriend? That's why
you were in her robe and slippies.Copy !req
337. You weren't trying
to get into her head.Copy !req
338. You were trying to get into her...
robe and slippies.Copy !req
339. She's my girlfriend!Copy !req
340. So this is
who you choose over me?Copy !req
341. She's not with him.
She's with the Bullet.Copy !req
342. Oh, thank God.Copy !req
343. But if you want a fight,
you got it. Shoot me!Copy !req
344. Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
345. Look, I wasn't trying
to sell your company, but I am now.Copy !req
346. The hell with all of you.Copy !req
347. I'm gonna try and lowball her.Copy !req
348. - Not while we're around.
- We're not done here, Gob!Copy !req
349. Tobias? Tobias, I'm sorry.Copy !req
350. I set this up for Lindsay.
Lindsay, I'm sorry.Copy !req
351. - You were not on a date with Dragon.
- I know that, Michael.Copy !req
352. It was pretty obvious when Dragon
kept swooping UncleJack in for a kiss.Copy !req
353. You said I never did anything
for the company. L-I just thought I'd try.Copy !req
354. Tobias, I never thought
you'd ever fight for me.Copy !req
355. I had no idea a 90-year-old man
could cave in my chest cavity like that.Copy !req
356. Dragon, would you mind
carrying my husband to the car?Copy !req
357. Oh, God.Copy !req
358. I love takin' a guy down!Copy !req
359. I think I snapped one of his ribs.Copy !req
360. No. It's my leg.Copy !req
361. I'll bet that would hurt.Copy !req
362. I guess the deal's off now,
now that I actually need you to help us out?Copy !req
363. I'll make you a deal.
You carry me, and I'll carry you.Copy !req
364. Thanks, UncleJack.Copy !req
365. - Yeah. I think we should get to the hospital.
- Let me see.Copy !req
366. I think this duct tape is the only thing
that's keeping the ankle on.Copy !req
367. Okay. Ah. Right around there.
Oh. I think you're right inside me now.Copy !req
368. On the next
Arrested Development.Copy !req
369. UncleJack buys the company...Copy !req
370. but makes some changes of his own.Copy !req
371. And he's gonna make me president.Copy !req
372. Tobias listens to
a day's worth of his own words...Copy !req
373. to see what Michael was referring to.Copy !req
374. Even if it means
me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.Copy !req
375. Nothing wrong with that.
I've been in the film business for a while...Copy !req
376. but I just can't seem
to get one in the can.Copy !req
377. It's out of context.Copy !req
378. I wouldn't mind kissing
that man between the cheeks, so to speak.Copy !req
379. And he realizes there is
something distinct about the way he speaks.Copy !req
380. Tobias, you blowhard!Copy !req