1. Now the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything...Copy !req
2. and the one son who had no choice...Copy !req
3. but to keep them all together.Copy !req
4. It's Arrested Development.Copy !req
5. Michael Bluth had called a meeting...Copy !req
6. with the family's longtime attorney...Copy !req
7. to discuss his father's incarceration.Copy !req
8. I am so sorry.
It was a client. Okay.Copy !req
9. But he was finding it difficult
to get any answers.Copy !req
10. - How long was I on the phone?
- Twenty-five minutes.Copy !req
11. With the cell phone charges,
I'm gonna round it out to about an hour...Copy !req
12. 'cause it's easier to bill...
all right.Copy !req
13. - Anything else to go over?
- We've got everything else to go over.Copy !req
14. We haven't done anything
to get my dad out of jail.Copy !req
15. Okay. First of all...
What are you doing? Pilates?Copy !req
16. Because no 40-year-old woman
should look like that.Copy !req
17. Well, no 40-year-old woman
does look like that.Copy !req
18. He was, however,
getting along with his sister...Copy !req
19. which was unwelcome news
to their mother...Copy !req
20. who feared this unity
might be used against her.Copy !req
21. I do have some big news.Copy !req
22. It's going to cost you a little money...
20,000, something like that.Copy !req
23. The courts have agreed
to let your father out of prison.Copy !req
24. - This is a lawyer!
- He's a master!Copy !req
25. For the entire afternoon.Copy !req
26. What do you mean "afternoon"?
What afternoon?Copy !req
27. The day before Christmas,
in time for the Living Classics Pageant...Copy !req
28. because I know how important
that is to all of you.Copy !req
29. The Living Classics Pageant,
an Orange County tradition...Copy !req
30. consists oflive representations
of classic works of art.Copy !req
31. The Bluth family has participated
not only as a patron...Copy !req
32. but as an integral part
of its most popular exhibit...Copy !req
33. Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam.Copy !req
34. I don't really want to be Adam this year.Copy !req
35. Well, if you want to play Eve,
you got to get in line...Copy !req
36. behind, what, about five homos.Copy !req
37. That was wrong.
I'm... I'm so sorry.Copy !req
38. It's just that I have one
down at the office now...Copy !req
39. and, I mean, it is every day.Copy !req
40. I would be happy to play Adam.
I'd prefer a speaking part...Copy !req
41. - Please don't speak for the rest of the meeting.
- { Chuckles]Copy !req
42. - Zing!
- No, no, seriously. I don't want to play Adam.Copy !req
43. Buster, every year we go through
this song and dance...Copy !req
44. and every year you say, "Thank you, Mama,
for making me play Adam."Copy !req
45. - You're doing it.
- This concerned Buster...Copy !req
46. as he'd been secretly dating
his mother's best friend...Copy !req
47. and chief social rival,
Lucille Austero.Copy !req
48. Can't we just stay here
and play poker again?Copy !req
49. You can bet your vertigo medicine
against my anxiety pills.Copy !req
50. No. Buster, for God's sake,
there is music to hear...Copy !req
51. places to go, envy to stir.Copy !req
52. Look, I'm tired of
keeping our love a secret.Copy !req
53. We are going out,
and that is that!Copy !req
54. - Oh.
- Oh, Buster. Okay, I'm okay.Copy !req
55. I'm okay.Copy !req
56. Okay. I'm gonna get out of your hair.Copy !req
57. - We'll talk about this money later in the week.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
58. We're not going to pay $20,000
to get my Dad out for one day.Copy !req
59. No. It's a bond.
It's all refundable, unlike my time.Copy !req
60. It's been a complete waste
of two hours, okay?Copy !req
61. We're just not going to do it,
and that's that.Copy !req
62. - Are you writing two hours?
- No, I'm taking notes on the case.Copy !req
63. - Let me just see what you just wrote.
- You're scaring me.Copy !req
64. just leave it alone! It is a gift from a client!
Ruining a good meeting.Copy !req
65. - Barry's very good.
- He's an idiot.Copy !req
66. Exactly. We're not trying
to get Dad out for a night.Copy !req
67. We're trying
to get him out for good.Copy !req
68. We're gonna get a new lawyer.
I actually know of one who's available.Copy !req
69. His name's WayneJarvis.
He's a top guy.Copy !req
70. WayneJarvis had become famous...Copy !req
71. after an employment
discrimination suit...Copy !req
72. against the family's current attorney,
Barry Zuckerkorn.Copy !req
73. It'll be a long time before Barry Zuckerkorn
calls anyone a homo again.Copy !req
74. You know, I am really happy
that you two are in agreement...Copy !req
75. but we're not getting rid of Barry.Copy !req
76. He's like family,
and you can't fire family.Copy !req
77. Yeah, I know.
Hey, Maeby.Copy !req
78. Maeby, where have you been?Copy !req
79. You left me at home.
You do remember you have a daughter, right?Copy !req
80. Uh, yes, of course we remember...Copy !req
81. and we were worried sick,
young lady.Copy !req
82. She's fine. Our daughter's all right,
everybody, so...Copy !req
83. - You said you didn't want her to come.
- I said I didn't want you to come.Copy !req
84. - Oh, that makes more sense.
- Now she's going to think
we're totally self-involved.Copy !req
85. I can fix this.
Buster's probably still in the lobby.Copy !req
86. Let me go see if I can't get him
to give me the part of Adam.Copy !req
87. - And I'll see if I can get some money
from my mom.
- Lupe.!Copy !req
88. There are some juice glasses
on the sofa table.Copy !req
89. Mama, I'll help you clean up.Copy !req
90. There are some salad plates
on the piano.Copy !req
91. Wow. What a party.
You make it seem so effortless.Copy !req
92. What do you need money for?
A divorce?Copy !req
93. No, Mom. Tobias and I
are doing fine, thank you.Copy !req
94. - It's my credit card debt.
- Forget it.Copy !req
95. Fine. I'll ask Michael.
He'll give it to me.Copy !req
96. Maybe if you get him drunk.
It's the only way he'll give money...Copy !req
97. to someone he calls
a "stay-in-bed mom."Copy !req
98. - He said that about me?
- I thought it was harsh.Copy !req
99. But, you know, he thinks
you're completely irresponsible.Copy !req
100. A stay-in-bed mom.Copy !req
101. Probably because you don't work,
and you're lazy.Copy !req
102. His words.Copy !req
103. - I can't believe him.
- I know.!Copy !req
104. just when you were
getting along so well.Copy !req
105. They've got to be kidding me.Copy !req
106. Michael's brother Gob, meanwhile...Copy !req
107. had missed the meeting that morning
after being delayed by his girlfriend Marta.Copy !req
108. - English, please.
- I love you.Copy !req
109. Great. Now I'm late.Copy !req
110. And while Gob
took his girlfriend for granted...Copy !req
111. Michael was learning Spanish
to get closer to her.Copy !req
112. That is not something I can bring to my boss.Copy !req
113. Unfortunately, the one tape
he could find was oflittle use to him.Copy !req
114. Are you going
to the complimentary breakfast?Copy !req
115. - That'll get her hot.Copy !req
116. Well, if it isn't the boy
who lives under the stairs.Copy !req
117. - Hey, Gob.
- What are you doing, learning Spanish?Copy !req
118. Nope. It's, uh... It's something for work,
so, yes, uh, yeah.Copy !req
119. Meanwhile, Buster
was trying to get George Michael...Copy !req
120. Meanwhile, Buster
was trying to get George Michael...Copy !req
121. to take his place as Adam.Copy !req
122. I don't know, Uncle Buster.Copy !req
123. - Well, you don't have the "frontspiece" yet.
- "Frontspiece"?Copy !req
124. Look, I don't want to go through a whole song
and dance with you. You're going to love it.Copy !req
125. You just can't do anything that violates
the original painting, like giggling or itching.Copy !req
126. They do allow some nervous crying,
but you can tell they don't like it.Copy !req
127. And Maeby was teaching
her parents a lesson for forgetting her...Copy !req
128. Who knows how long I'll be gone?Copy !req
129. when she spotted George Michael.Copy !req
130. Nice pecs. Got a kickin' bod.Copy !req
131. Thus, George Michael found a compelling
reason to keep the muscle suit on.Copy !req
132. { Ringing]Copy !req
133. Law offices of Barry Zuckerkorn.Copy !req
134. It's Michael Bluth for Barry.Copy !req
135. - { Whispers] I'm not here.
- Barry's not here. Can I give her a message?Copy !req
136. Tell her she needs to whisper
a little softer next time...Copy !req
137. and I'm not paying
for this phone call.Copy !req
138. I am not a girl, you bow-tied...Copy !req
139. Go on. Call me something.
I'm redoing my kitchen.Copy !req
140. That's it.
I've had it with this jerk Barry.Copy !req
141. I'm going to make Mom sit down with Wayne
whether she likes it or not.Copy !req
142. - You're the jerk.
- Did I just wake you up?
I didn't know you were home.Copy !req
143. No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day.Copy !req
144. Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael...Copy !req
145. that she tried meditating
to calm herself...Copy !req
146. but ended up taking
a two-hour angry nap.Copy !req
147. Yeah, this suitcase
should be big enough.Copy !req
148. Where is all this coming from?
I thought we were getting along.Copy !req
149. Yeah, so did I. And now I hear
you're telling our mother...Copy !req
150. that I'm completely irresponsible
and a stay-in-bed mom.Copy !req
151. That doesn't even sound like me.Copy !req
152. That sounds like Mom
or Bruce Vilanch.Copy !req
153. - Could be Bruce Vilanch.
- Then why would she say it?Copy !req
154. - Because we're getting along.
- Because we're friends again.Copy !req
155. You gotta remember Mom
typically has nothing in her system...Copy !req
156. except a bottle of vodka
and an estrogen pill.Copy !req
157. Speaking of which...Copy !req
158. Michael and Lindsay proceeded to drink...Copy !req
159. and air their grievances
about their mother.Copy !req
160. She's always trying to get me to admit
that my marriage isn't working.Copy !req
161. - And how's it going with you and Tobias?
- It's not working.Copy !req
162. And that's why I wanted her help
with my credit card debt.Copy !req
163. I'm trying to take at least some of
the pressure off this marriage.Copy !req
164. And if anything, it's worse
now that we're sharing a bedroom.Copy !req
165. You guys were not
sharing a bedroom before?Copy !req
166. Well, the cutoffs
aren't exactly a turn-on.Copy !req
167. - What's the deal with the cutoffs?
- You've got to promise not to tell anyone this.Copy !req
168. - Okay.
- He's a never-nude.Copy !req
169. Is that exactly what it sounds like?Copy !req
170. Tobias suffered
a rare psychological affliction...Copy !req
171. of never being able
to be completely naked.Copy !req
172. Excuse me.
Do these effectively hide my thunder?Copy !req
173. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I need you to be
completely undressed.Copy !req
174. I am completely undressed.Copy !req
175. - I thought he just liked cutoffs.
- Me too.Copy !req
176. What about you?
What's going on with your love life?Copy !req
177. Have you even met anyone
since your wife?Copy !req
178. That is the one subject
I am not eager to talk about, Lindsay.Copy !req
179. I love Marta.Copy !req
180. - Mom's housekeeper?
- Gob's girlfriend.Copy !req
181. - Oh, my God.
- Yeah.Copy !req
182. Listen. You're a great guy,
and if she doesn't see that...Copy !req
183. - then someone else will.
- You know what else, Lindsay? You're great.Copy !req
184. And I'm gonna move some money around
if it's gonna help you get out of debt.Copy !req
185. - No, Michael.
- Yeah.Copy !req
186. The hell with Mom. And here.
Mom's never gonna get between us again.Copy !req
187. The next day, Buster,
having pawned off playing Adam...Copy !req
188. went to Lucille 2 to ask her out
for Christmas Eve.Copy !req
189. That is terrific 'cause I got
two tickets to the pageant!Copy !req
190. { Clears Throat]
My... My mother's going to be there.Copy !req
191. And George Michael was trying to pass...Copy !req
192. - as a more muscular boy than he actually was.
- One hundred.Copy !req
193. One hundred?
I had you at 10.Copy !req
194. I did some earlier in the day. It's a running total.
So what's with the suitcase?Copy !req
195. It's a little test
to get my parents to notice me.Copy !req
196. You ever get the feeling
like no one even sees you?Copy !req
197. I've got a really good body, so... no.Copy !req
198. Hey, gang. What you doing?Copy !req
199. - Just packing up. Packing it on up.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
200. Listen, can I talk to you alone
for a moment?Copy !req
201. - I'll leave you two alone here.
- Oh, no, George Michael, I meant you.Copy !req
202. Maeby, can we have the room?Copy !req
203. So, as you know, I was hoping
to play Adam in this thing...Copy !req
204. and I want you to know
that I am not threatened.Copy !req
205. You know, I'd be happy
to let you play Adam.Copy !req
206. Give me the suit.
Give me the suit.Copy !req
207. I'm actually wearing it right now,
and I can't tell you why.Copy !req
208. You're wearing it right now?Copy !req
209. I have to wear it all the time.
You'd never understand.Copy !req
210. Oh, please.
I'll never under...Copy !req
211. I'll never understand...
that you can never be nude?Copy !req
212. I understand more than
you'll never know.Copy !req
213. Yikes.Copy !req
214. Michael finally arranged
a meeting with attorney WayneJarvis.Copy !req
215. Looking for a more professional approach
to our representation.Copy !req
216. Well, I'm a professional.Copy !req
217. - I'm serious, and I'm a professional.
- That's fantastic.Copy !req
218. - So how long have you been practicing...
- I also don't like small talk.Copy !req
219. I find that unprofessional.
Why should I be billing you for small talk...Copy !req
220. when I'm enjoying it
as much as you are?Copy !req
221. Then this must be a freebie
'cause I'm having a ball.Copy !req
222. { Chuckles] When you're ready
to get serious, give me a call.Copy !req
223. No, no! No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm serious. I'm ready.Copy !req
224. Good. If you retain my services,
I will get your father out of jail...Copy !req
225. and we will be countersuing
before the end of the year.Copy !req
226. We're gonna get this company's name
back to where it started.Copy !req
227. - Or hopefully higher.
- I didn't say that. Don't hold me to that.Copy !req
228. I won't, and I appreciate that
to a wonderful degree.Copy !req
229. My mother is on her way up here...Copy !req
230. and she's resistant
to the idea of hiring a new attorney.Copy !req
231. If she even sees you,
she probably won't come in the room.Copy !req
232. I shall duck behind the couch.Copy !req
233. - What a pro.Copy !req
234. - Michael.
- Hi.Copy !req
235. I need to get the money
to get your father out for the pageant.Copy !req
236. Actually, that's not why
I called you here today, and I'm not doing that.Copy !req
237. I gave that money to Lindsay
to pay off her credit card debt.Copy !req
238. - What'd she do, get you drunk?
- No, we just, uh, well...Copy !req
239. We did drink a little bit.
How'd you know that?Copy !req
240. Because that's what
she said she'd do.Copy !req
241. I said you wouldn't give her the money,
and she said, "He will if I get him drunk."Copy !req
242. Probably because she thinks
you're a cheap bastard.Copy !req
243. Oh. Her words.Copy !req
244. She set me up?Copy !req
245. All that stuff about her marital troubles
and Tobias being a never-nude?Copy !req
246. A never-nude?
I thought he just liked cutoffs.Copy !req
247. How do you treat somebody
in your own family like that...Copy !req
248. lying and deceiving and saying anything
just to get your own way?Copy !req
249. - So what did you want to see me about?
- Hmm?Copy !req
250. Oh, um, there's a big bowl
of candy in my office.Copy !req
251. - Why don't you go eat it?
- WayneJarvis, attorney at law.Copy !req
252. I have a responsibility to tell you
that there is no candy in this office.Copy !req
253. Lindsay.Copy !req
254. - What are you doing here?
- I had to get away from Marta.Copy !req
255. If I have to smell another meal of fish,
rice and mango, I'm gonna kill somebody.Copy !req
256. - Now Michael's learning Spanish.
What's up with that?
- Oh, who knows?Copy !req
257. He won't get your father
out of jail for a night.Copy !req
258. - He's bringing in a new attorney.
- New attorney?Copy !req
259. And he's learning Spanish?Copy !req
260. He's hiding something.Copy !req
261. And I intend to find out what it is.Copy !req
262. Do yourself a favor.
Get him drunk.Copy !req
263. { Scoffs]
Barry.Copy !req
264. I see you're getting closer
to our attorney.Copy !req
265. Well, I just want you to know
that I won't be needing your help after all.Copy !req
266. My brother Michael came through
as he always does and as you never do.Copy !req
267. Whatever it takes to get your relationship
with that never-nude back on track.Copy !req
268. - Michael told you that?
- He couldn't wait to.Copy !req
269. And later,
while Michael was meeting with Wayne...Copy !req
270. My thing with Tobias was a secret
like you stealing your brother's girlfriend!Copy !req
271. - I open up to you, and you run and tell Mommy!
- Excuse me.Copy !req
272. Outside, please.
Thank you. Pardon us.Copy !req
273. Like it all wasn't just lies to get me to pay
that debt. Isn't that why you got me drunk?Copy !req
274. - I got you drunk.
- Mom told me about your little plan.Copy !req
275. - What plan? I had a great time last night!
- So did I!Copy !req
276. - Then why are we yelling at each other?
- Mom.Copy !req
277. - Unbelievable.
- She did it again.Copy !req
278. - All right. We've got to teach her a lesson.
- Hmm.Copy !req
279. Excuse me, Wayne, my sister and I were
outside having a business discussion...Copy !req
280. and we were wondering
if there's some sort of legal way...Copy !req
281. that we can humiliate our mother.Copy !req
282. Something shaming, something public.Copy !req
283. I've used one adjective to describe myself.
What is it?Copy !req
284. Professional.Copy !req
285. So how are we going to screw Mom?Copy !req
286. - Maybe we can get Barry to help.
- Forget it.Copy !req
287. I think I was right about them all along.
You know Barry's taking Mom to the pageant?Copy !req
288. - On a date?
- Yeah.Copy !req
289. Ugh! If Dad could see her
on a date with Barry, he'd go crazy.Copy !req
290. Which would allow us to hire Wayne.Copy !req
291. How do you feel about staying in debt
just a little bit longer?Copy !req
292. So they decided to spend
the money Michael had promised Lindsay...Copy !req
293. to get their father out for the pageant,
where he'd catch his wife with Barry.Copy !req
294. Maeby, too, continued to try
to teach her parents a lesson.Copy !req
295. Okay, so I printed the fake airline ticket
from my computer.Copy !req
296. If my parents miss this,
I really might go to South America.Copy !req
297. - That says "Portugal."
- That's right.Copy !req
298. Maeby's parents didn't find the ticket,
but Gob did...Copy !req
299. "Portugal."Copy !req
300. which confirmed his suspicions.Copy !req
301. Gonna live it up down old
South America way, huh, Mikey?Copy !req
302. And Buster finally gave in
to Lucille 2's wishes.Copy !req
303. You ready to show me off
before God and the whole world?Copy !req
304. It's not my dad's reaction
I'm worried about.Copy !req
305. And George Michael finally saw the painting
he was going to be re-creating.Copy !req
306. ? [Hip-hop]Copy !req
307. And then what "frontspiece'meant.Copy !req
308. George Sr. got his 24 hours of freedom
as the pageant finally began.Copy !req
309. You know, I saw you do this when I was a kid.
I was so impressed.Copy !req
310. You know, you were
so still and godlike.Copy !req
311. It was at that moment
that I knew I would be a dancer.Copy !req
312. Glad I could make a difference.Copy !req
313. Michael and Lindsay searched the crowd
for their mother and Barry...Copy !req
314. so they could revel in the public shaming
they had engineered.Copy !req
315. - Mom, what the hell are you doing?
- But instead they found her with Wayne.Copy !req
316. I don't have to answer that.Copy !req
317. I don't know which one of you
I'm more disappointed in.Copy !req
318. No, it's Wayne. Wayne...Copy !req
319. - I have needs. I am a man!
- Hey, watch...Copy !req
320. What's the difference?
Your father doesn't care about me.Copy !req
321. Barry tells me he's not even trying
to get out of prison.Copy !req
322. - Mom, he's here. Dad's here.
- He's here?Copy !req
323. - Yeah, he's here.
- Why did you do this?Copy !req
324. - We were trying to teach you a lesson.
- You idiots.!Copy !req
325. - If he sees me with Wayne...
- We'll be stuck with Barry.Copy !req
326. I shall duck behind
that little garbage car.Copy !req
327. Guy's a pro.Copy !req
328. And now, ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
329. Michelangelo's
The Creation of Adam.Copy !req
330. And George Michael made his debut...Copy !req
331. Hey, that's my... Yikes.Copy !req
332. - breaking the pageant's cardinal rule.Copy !req
333. How dare he!Copy !req
334. Oh, stop booing!
There's nothing wrong with it.Copy !req
335. There are dozens of us. Dozens!Copy !req
336. Buster arrived with Lucille Austero...Copy !req
337. and naturally assumed the yells of disgust
were directed toward him.Copy !req
338. - What is wrong with you?
- What's wrong with you?Copy !req
339. Buster?Copy !req
340. Oh, God! I'm sorry.Copy !req
341. I'm sorry, Lucille.
Yeah. Lucille.Copy !req
342. Ma, I'm sorry!Copy !req
343. Man! That old lady has really
done a number on you, hasn't she?Copy !req
344. But George Michael wasn't
the only problem with the painting.Copy !req
345. - Where is God?
- There is no God!Copy !req
346. There goes my credit card payment.Copy !req
347. Dad! Dad!Copy !req
348. Hey! Dad!Copy !req
349. - Excuse me.
- Dad!Copy !req
350. - Hey, Dad, get back here!
- No! I'm not going back!Copy !req
351. Dad, come here!Copy !req
352. - Dad!
- Michael, I'm onto you.Copy !req
353. The Spanish lessons, the lawyer.Copy !req
354. - If you're heading for Portugal, it's due south!
- What? No, it isn't.Copy !req
355. Dad, you're not gonna outrun me
in that dress.Copy !req
356. - Let go! For God's sakes,
I'm not even wearing a jock.
- Dad, are you going too?Copy !req
357. No one is going to Portugal, you idiot!Copy !req
358. Lindsay and I broke Dad out of jail for a day
to catch Mom on a date.Copy !req
359. Your mother is on a date? Oh.Copy !req
360. Dad!Copy !req
361. - Oh, oh.
- { Buzzing]Copy !req
362. - Dad?
- And so, many in the Bluth family...Copy !req
363. gathered together
for Christmas Eve... at prison.Copy !req
364. - Hey, where'd your muscle suit go?
- Wait. You knew?Copy !req
365. Yeah.Copy !req
366. I took it off.Copy !req
367. You did?Copy !req
368. You have made some
tremendous strides today.Copy !req
369. Ever get the feeling
like you don't even matter?Copy !req
370. Only when I'm around my children.Copy !req
371. You reach a certain age, and you have
to practically scream to get noticed.Copy !req
372. They turn you into a monster,
and then they call you one.Copy !req
373. I don't think you're a monster.Copy !req
374. And I think you're a lovely girl.Copy !req
375. You know what?Copy !req
376. I think you and I
ought to spend more time together.Copy !req
377. Yeah.Copy !req
378. - That'll drive them crazy.
- Exactly.Copy !req
379. And Michael was forced to, once again...Copy !req
380. call in the counsel of Barry Zuckerkorn.Copy !req
381. Thank you. Thank you
for coming down on Christmas Eve.Copy !req
382. Oh, it's like any other day,
except that I bill double.Copy !req
383. So, they're not filing charges.Copy !req
384. I got them to call your flee from justice
"religious expression."Copy !req
385. - This is a lawyer.
- Yeah, he's... he's very good.Copy !req
386. You're gonna have to forfeit that bond.
I was way off about that.Copy !req
387. Thanks again, Mikey.Copy !req
388. - Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.Copy !req
389. Are all the guys in here, you know...Copy !req
390. Oh, no, no, no.
Not all of them.Copy !req
391. Yeah. It's never the ones you hope.Copy !req
392. - Hope?
- Think.Copy !req
393. - How'd it go?
- Well, the bad news is you're in debt again...Copy !req
394. and we never busted Mom,
and we're stuck with Barry.Copy !req
395. The good news is we've been asked
never to participate in the pageant again.Copy !req
396. - Well, at least we're still pals, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
397. That's not really doing it for me this time.Copy !req
398. Yeah.Copy !req