Arrested Development 1x16

Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar

Jane Lynch as Cindi Lightballoon • Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Maggie Lizer • Amy Poehler as Gob's Wife • James Lipton as Warden • Michael Paul Chan as Judge Ping

Michael attempts to have a one-night stand with an attorney whom he doesn't know is not only blind, but the prosecutor who is trying to put his father in jail. Also, Gob gets married on a dare, Maeby pretends to be a girl with a made up disease, and George Sr.'s admirer turns out to be an undercover SEC agent who has truly fallen for him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...

2. and the one son who had no choice...

3. but to keep them all together.

4. It's Arrested Development.

5. The local colleges are on spring break...

6. and things are heating up in Newport Beach.

7. George Michael was off from school for two weeks...

8. and was enjoying spending time with his uncle.

9. I'm intercepting some telepathic energy...

10. that's telling me it's the eight of diamonds.

11. That's amazingly close.

12. Gee, I got it wrong. Well.

13. I guess you won the shirt off my back.

14. - Okay, that's amazing. - It's the queen of diamonds.

15. No, no, no. I had... But if that had been the actual card...

16. I'm pretty sure I'd be almost too blown away.

17. You know, it's a new trick, so I'm still kind of tweaking my nipples...

18. - The presentation was great. - Hey. Whoa.!

19. What's going on here, huh? George Michael, you should get to school.

20. No, we're off for two weeks. Gob's teaching me some new tricks.

21. Spring break! { Grunts] It's my favorite holiday.

22. Nothing gets me more excited.

23. I can see that. You might wanna button that shirt up.

24. No, I'm good. Anyway, listen, Michael.

25. I need the yacht.

26. I kind of made a commitment.

27. One year earlier, Gob had appeared...

28. on a youth-oriented music network...

29. when they did a segment on "Spring Break: Newport Beach."

30. Now that I've gotten your attention...

31. I'd like to announce that one year from today...

32. I shall make that beautiful yacht disappear.

33. Wow. He's amazing.

34. He hasn't done it, and you're holding a four of spades in your hand.

35. I don't care. I'm loving the ride, you know?

36. - How are you gonna do it? - Well, you've got two weeks off.

37. - You're about to find out.

38. Maybe we'll meet a couple young coeds along the way.

39. - How young is too young for you? - That's not gonna happen, okay?

40. There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't gonna be any magic.

41. It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you.

42. - And you don't even realize it. - Michael, I'm a magi...

43. I see what you did.

44. You're not dressed yet? I thought you were working for me today at the office.

45. You guys stay open during spring break?

46. We're not Orthodox. But don't worry about it.

47. Kitty's coming back, and it's just in time.

48. Although she's caused nothing but problems since she's worked for me.

49. - Kitty, isn't that your phone?

50. No, I'm on the phone with your dad. That one's your line.

51. Kitty, these are not the files I asked for.

52. Oh, then I don't know what I shredded.

53. Have you had a chance to type up that report yet?

54. - No, I have been Googling your father. - So I've heard.

55. { Chuckling]

56. She's been out for two weeks with this chest thing...

57. but she's had no problems cashing the checks I've been sending her.

58. Speaking of which, have we gotten anything from Nana?

59. Buster got a perforated heart and Gob got that receding hairline...

60. but you and I pretty much dodged the bullet.

61. No, I meant in the mail. She usually sends checks for Maeby's birthday.

62. There's been cash coming in? Have you been holding out on me?

63. No. No, I've been investing it.

64. Let's face it. I'm better with money than you are.

65. - Better at spending it. - Okay, I tell you what.

66. I'll take you down to see Nana if you split the money with me 60/40.

67. - 55/55. - Deal.

68. Sounds like you guys are getting more than you think.

69. We should go now before your dad gets back.

70. - No need going halfsies with him too. - Right.

71. In fact, Tobias had gone to prison...

72. to research the role of Frightened Inmate #2 for a film.

73. This came at a bad time for George Sr...

74. who was in a conflict with a prisoner named White Power Bill...

75. a conflict Tobias inadvertently helped him solve.

76. I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.

77. But didn't you come here to research the nature of fear?

78. I can't think of a better teacher than White Power Bill.

79. He's like a master's course unto himself.

80. So you think I'm a coward.

81. There's only one man I've ever called "coward".

82. That's Brian Doyle-Murray.

83. No.

84. What I'm calling you...

85. is a television actor.

86. Ouch.

87. And so, Tobias remained in prison...

88. - as Lindsay and Maeby arrived at Nana's. - { Knocking]

89. Remember, she's a very old woman.

90. We're going to get in, get the cash and get out.

91. Is this who I think it is?

92. { Together] Nana!

93. Unfortunately, the woman who now lived there was not their Nana.

94. A fact that took Lindsay and Maeby an hour and a half to ascertain.

95. Go! Go! It's not her! Drop the photo album!

96. - We're not in the photo album! - Drop the pie!

97. { Panting]

98. And Michael arrived at work to find Kitty.

99. Hey, Kitty, how are you feeling?

100. Much better. Man, I was really stuffed up there!

101. Up here, Michael. Up here.

102. Why'd you have to get sick now? What was the rush?

103. In fact, it was the previous year's spring break...

104. that was responsible for Kitty's rush...

105. when the makers of the popular video series...

106. Girls With Low Self-Esteem, chose not to include her.

107. Okay, we got all the good stuffhere.

108. Let's just say I'm looking forward to a more successful spring break.

109. - "Break"? You were just out. - That was my sick leave.

110. - This is vacation. - No, you're not going on vacation.

111. Oh, yes, I absolutely am.!

112. If you need me, I will be at Senor Tadpoles...

113. - having a margarita made in my mouth. - No, no. Hey.

114. Kitty, there will be no margarita in your mouth.

115. Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita in my mouth!

116. Spring break! { Whooping]

117. - Up here, Michael. Up here. - Put the shirt back down and keep on moving.

118. You're fired.

119. I work for your father. You don't have the hiring and firing power.

120. I absolutely do, and you're fired.

121. I don't think your father is gonna be very happy about this.

122. But take a good look, 'cause it's the last time!

123. That's the seventh nipple I've seen today.

124. And Michael was called to the prison.

125. What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty.

126. - First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power. - I do.

127. - And I had to. She's crazy. - That's why you don't fire her.

128. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.

129. Dad, she's incompetent. She's completely unprofessional.

130. Look, she just came back from sick leave, uh, with these...

131. Oh, my God, you paid for those, didn't you?

132. You got carried away. Hell, I've been so corrupted by my power...

133. that I even enjoyed firing my own twin brother.

134. You should have seen his face when he was begging me not to.

135. Well, he's my twin brother. I can show you.

136. { Crying, Mumbling]

137. { Laughing]

138. It was funny. But, you know...

139. Kitty had access to all kinds of information.

140. God knows what she poked her nose into.

141. There's enough evidence on this boat to put me away.

142. The only real thing I have...

143. Oh, God, there's nothing to hold on to down there.

144. - You're like a boy. - What's wrong with you?

145. All these books are cooked!

146. { Sobbing]

147. - I'm sorry. I gotta do my job. - And I gotta get out of prison.

148. Next time someone threatens me, I may not have a son-in-law to offer.

149. I can't come in here all the t..."Offer"?

150. I may not have a son-in-law to offer me counseling.

151. You know, he should have stayed a shrink. He's very gifted, you know.

152. In fact, Tobias had even produced a videotape...

153. but its brief success was due to its misleading name.

154. Once this was discovered, all but 10 of the videos were returned.

155. Hire Kitty back, okay? For the company. No, no.

156. For me, Michael. { Crying]

157. - It is kind of a funny face. - Oh, come on, now.

158. There's just absolutely no purse that will go with this outfit.

159. You've got a little pocket there, Annyong.

160. Annyong.

161. - That's not getting old.

162. - Where's Nana? - I sent her on a wonderful cruise.

163. You just missed a wonderful call from her.

164. She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw.

165. She gained 10 pounds... there's so much food on that boat.

166. She's up to 74!

167. It's wonderful, just wonderful.

168. In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.

169. She tried pesto for the first time.

170. Can you believe that?

171. Ninety-two years old, and she never tried pesto.

172. Lucille feared that the family would come after the inheritance if they found out.

173. Was she on the phone, Annyong?

174. Annyong.

175. { Sighs] Emery board.

176. Isn't he great? And he goes with everything.

177. Meanwhile, Gob was adjusting to a new companion of his own.

178. That's not the end of the trick. There's a big surprise coming.

179. Take your T-shirt off, please.

180. What? Oh, you changed the trick. It's a different trick.

181. If I roll up this T-shirt, put it in this hat...

182. Gob.! Hey, George Michael.

183. Hang on. We're in the middle of something.

184. If you'll be so kind as to expose your breast, please.

185. - No, no, no, no, no, no! Hey, what the hell are you doing? - { People Shouting]

186. Dad, it's misdirection. You're supposed to keep your eye on the shirt in the hat.

187. Get downstairs right now. Come on.

188. - Buddy, what are you doing here? - I'm dying to see how he makes this yacht disappear.

189. He's not going to make the yacht disappear. I told him that.

190. It's driving me crazy. It's like a mind puzzle, an awesome mind puzzle.

191. Michael looked at his son and saw...

192. that he truly was inspired by his uncle...

193. that perhaps the boy actually admired him.

194. I gotta get you out of here. You're gonna come work with me at the office.

195. Go wait in the stair car.

196. Hey, I want you to explain something to me. I'm out looking for Kitty...

197. and I find my son in the middle of a Girls With Low Self-Esteem video.

198. Don't worry. He's gonna be covered with a blue dot. He approached me.

199. And as for Kitty, I think you're crazy to have fired her.

200. Who knows what kind of information she has?

201. He's my brother, and he's never even said "Good job."

202. I just want him to love me, you know?

203. Wow, you get really girlie after, huh?

204. Yeah, she definitely knows way too much. Well, go get her. It's the holidays.

205. - I'm sure she's down at Senor Tadpoles. - Right.

206. Having a cocktail made in her mouth. All right.

207. I'm gonna go take care of that. In the meantime, stay away from my son.

208. Wow, Michael, I'm really hurt.

209. It's family. What's more important than family, Michael?

210. - This yacht? - Of course not, Gob.

211. You'd make the deal? Because I'd sign off on that right now.

212. I stay away from your son, : you let me use the yacht.

213. The holidays really brings out the best in you.

214. Well...

215. Meanwhile, Tobias found his experience as a therapist...

216. was helping him deal with his new cell mate.

217. Yes, but where does the hate come from, Bill?

218. - What causes it? - TheJews, I guess.

219. Sure. But I think you need to look deeper.

220. I think these are issues of self-esteem.

221. I know what it's like. I know how it feels...

222. to have a father, or, in my case, a father-in-law...

223. who doesn't respect you.

224. "Anyhoo," we have very little time...

225. before this, uh, 4:00 pounding you promised me.

226. I'm gonna take a shot at something and say...

227. that I think you hate White Power Bill.

228. - I hate you! - You hate White Power Bill.

229. - I hate the government! - You hate White Power Bill.

230. - I hate my father! - Recreation. All prisoners, one hour.

231. - Go get 'em.

232. I hate White Power Bill.

233. - I got a prisoner down.! Prisoner down.!

234. - You killed him. - Well, l...

235. Like Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead.

236. - All hail Dorothy!

237. And at an elegant restaurant, Michael asked Kitty to come back.

238. Who are you asking back, Michael? Me? Or these?

239. I want you all back. I want the whole gang. Okay? Please, Kitty?

240. I'm trying real hard here, you know.

241. Can we just make believe that none of this ever happened and just start fresh?

242. Michael, of course I'll come back.

243. 'Cause I never really left...

244. because we both know that you can't fire people.

245. No, I did fire you, and now I'm hiring you back.

246. You don't have authority over me.

247. - They don't have nachos here. - You know what? Why don't we forget it?

248. Because I've been trying to be very, very generous to you...

249. and you don't respect me, so I'm firing you, okay?

250. - You are fired. - All right, Michael.

251. But I know where things are and you don't...

252. and you are asking for a whole world of trouble.

253. If you're threatening me, you're gonna be very sorry.

254. - Are you threatening me? - Yeah, that's a threat. I'm threatening you.

255. Did you hear that everyone? Michael Bluth is threatening me!

256. I've gotta get out of here. I'm a part of the story.

257. I can't be a part of the story. I can't be a part of the story.

258. Say good-bye to your company, Michael.

259. - And say good-bye to these. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

260. 'Cause it's the last time.

261. A woman shows all during a fracas at a local restaurant, sources say.

262. George Michael was working harder than ever over his spring break...

263. filling in for the now twice-fired Kitty.

264. Look at us working together. You get the hang of this...

265. and this could be your summer.

266. I don't know, Dad. I really wanted to see Gob's magic show and...

267. No, you don't. Isn't this much more fun, working with your Dad?

268. - It's just, there was some other... - You gonna get that?

269. - Thanks, Laura. - Good afternoon. Bluth Company.

270. Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop?

271. George Michael. I thought you were, um...

272. When's that voice gonna drop? Where's Kitty?

273. I think Dad fired her again. He wants to talk to you.

274. I don't wanna talk to him. I made my decision, and that's that.

275. Oh, you heard? Yeah. All right.

276. - What did he say? - If I clean it up, it's not really a sentence.

277. And so, George Sr. made another call.

278. Kitty's on the loose. I need you to make something disappear for me.

279. just some books in that cooler marked "Maddas."

280. - Great. - George Sr. hung up...

281. confident that his problems would finally be taken care of.

282. Hey, LittleJustice.

283. You, uh, painted your shoes red.

284. Call me the Tin Man. I'm a Friend of Dorothy's now.

285. - And she wants to see you. - And back at the office...

286. Lindsay arrived with her daughter and her mounting suspicions.

287. Mom says she sent Nana on a cruise.

288. You're still on this? How much was in those birthday cards?

289. It's not about the money, Michael. It's about Nana.

290. I think Mom sent her to a nursing home...

291. some gray, windowless room... against her will.

292. - So what was it like out there today? - Nice. Sunny.

293. Wow.

294. So, how do you think Gob's gonna make this yacht disappear?

295. Well, I'll be working here, so I guess I'll never know.

296. The only real way to find out how it's done...

297. is to sneak on the boat while he does it.

298. But if he makes it disappear, won't everyone see me standing there?

299. Let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement was.

300. Anyways, if it was me, that's what I would do.

301. I wanna check out Mom's financial activity.

302. Call her banks, maybe run a hospital search.

303. It's gonna mean a lot of hard work, but I'll put somebody on it.

304. George Michael.

305. Where is George Michael?

306. In fact, at Maeby's suggestion...

307. George Michael was off to visit his Uncle Gob.

308. Hi, Uncle Gob. I came by to see...

309. if you need any help with your magic show.

310. - Great. - I think it's so great that you're doing this.

311. - I'm prepping right now. - How'd you get my Dad's permission?

312. Suddenly, Gob remembered the promise he had made...

313. to stay away from Michael's son.

314. None of your damn business. Get the hell out of here.

315. - What? - You don't have the magic in you!

316. You never did! You don't have it here!

317. So take a look. It's the last time you're gonna see these.

318. - { Quietly] Sorry, kid, more than you'll ever... - What?

319. - Beat it! - As Gob was forced to send away someone he loved...

320. - George Sr. was forced to visit...

321. someone he had once tried to shove out of a moving car.

322. - Welcome. - You're Dorothy?

323. I thought the two of us could talk, man-on-man.

324. I'm afraid I'm serious.

325. I bought you.

326. - Remember to let it steep for five minutes. - Oh, dear God.

327. I've been in this family for 16 years...

328. and I don't think we've ever had a conversation.

329. - I'm not gonna discuss this. - You hate me.

330. Yeah, I do hate you. You took my daughter...

331. my precious little girl... and moved her away...

332. and now I'm here, and I am afraid I will never get her back.

333. Afraid. You're afraid.

334. Fear has turned into hate.

335. So Frightened Inmate #2 isn't frightened at all.

336. He's angry. He's a crabby old coot...

337. and he needs love...

338. - just like everyone.

339. Get your... { Beeps] hands off of me.

340. Shh. Don't be scared.

341. ? { Singing]

342. ? { Continues]

343. And on the beach, the show was beginning.

344. Any magician can make the queen of diamonds disappear...

345. but what about a whole boat?

346. Mom, have you seen George Michael?

347. We just got here. I couldn't find my keys.

348. - I can never find anything in here. - We love you!

349. Where once there was a yacht, now there is naught!

350. { Cheering Continues]

351. - All right. So how'd you do it? - Michael, a magician never reveals his...

352. I sunk it! I sunk the yacht!

353. At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up, and I don't see it anywhere.

354. My heart was in my throat when that curtain came down and... { Laughing]

355. - You sank the yacht? - Shh!

356. - You sank the yacht? - Shh!

357. - You sunk a $700,000 yacht? - $900,000 worth of insurance on it.

358. And got rid of the evidence. How about a "good job"?

359. Seeing a window of opportunity, Lucille made a startling announcement.

360. - Nana was on that yacht! - What?

361. - You killed Nana.! - She's lying.!

362. Nana wasn't on that yacht. She's fine.

363. - She's been dead for six months. - Lindsay had learned this information...

364. - For about six months. - when she spoke to the family's personal banker.

365. Later, fearing that Lindsay was onto her...

366. Lucille went to the bank herself.

367. There must be somewhere I can put this money where it can't be touched.

368. I suppose you could keep it in your purse.

369. Very funny, but I'm not carrying a purse.

370. Where's the money, Mom? I want the money.

371. You can't have it. It's in a trust fund for Annyong.

372. - Annyong. - No one can touch it but me...

373. and I retain control of it until he's 18.

374. I don't know what's more offensive... the fact you didn't tell us...

375. about our grandmother's death or that you sunk a $ 700,000 yacht.!

376. Stop lecturing me. I just lost my mother.

377. I'm so glad George Michael wasn't here to see any of this.

378. Maeby, where is George Michael?

379. Um, well, if he's not here, I'd just have to say he's probably on the yacht.

380. On the yacht?

381. In fact, George Michael had boarded the yacht.

382. But when he saw the evidence of Gob's lifestyle...

383. he realized that this perhaps was not the life he wanted.

384. While Kitty went in search of retribution...

385. in the form of the files in the cooler.

386. George Michael's a good kid. I'm sure he's at the office.

387. Right. I told him to stay away from you.

388. - I told you to stay away from him! - I tried. I told him to get out.

389. Bluth Company. George Michael speaking, not Kitty.

390. - Thank God you're there. - I don't need a real spring break.

391. I really think I am much better off here alone in this office.

392. Michael realized what he had done to his son...

393. so he came up with a solution.

394. - You're fired. - Really?

395. Can you fire people?

396. Yeah. Go have a spring break.

397. Thanks, Dad.

398. Are you sure you're gonna be okay without Kitty?

399. Don't you worry. She'll turn up.

400. On the next Arrested Development.

401. Lupe makes a startling discovery.

402. Oh, so that makes Annyong 18.

403. And Michael finds himself in the middle of the search...

404. for a missing Kitty.

405. Well, we have a restaurant full of people saying...

406. that you threatened Kitty the last time she was seen.

407. How does anybody even remember this?

408. - She showed her knobs in the steakhouse, sir. - She...