1. - (farts)
Oh, for the...Copy !req
2. - That's disgusting.
- (chuckles): Me?Copy !req
3. You're the one
that's covered in farts.Copy !req
4. And why couldn't you
put on some clothesCopy !req
5. - before we left the village?
- What, seriously?Copy !req
6. You think I'd be caught dead
dressed like a Nazi?Copy !req
7. Those old cannibal women
had washed and foldedCopy !req
8. your regular clothes.Copy !req
9. Well, it's also hard to go backCopy !req
10. after you taste
the freedom of the coconut.Copy !req
11. Master coconut!
- Nobody gets that!Copy !req
12. You know what I don't get?Copy !req
13. The fact that you're not
really a goddess?Copy !req
14. I was gonna say fractions.Copy !req
15. I was gonna say
fractions.Copy !req
16. I don't get why
she's even with us.Copy !req
17. - I'm here because...
- Because I say so.Copy !req
18. So end of story.Copy !req
19. In return for which...Copy !req
20. (quietly): I split the idol
with you 50/50.Copy !req
21. I... wait, no.Copy !req
22. I-I'd split it with you 50/50.Copy !req
23. - It comes out the same.
- Yeah, but— what, wait, what?Copy !req
24. You, me and the idol
makes three.Copy !req
25. What do you say?Copy !req
26. - Wait, what are they saying?
Nothing.Copy !req
27. No, what are you talking about?Copy !req
28. - Nothing!
- Okay!Copy !req
29. - God!
- There are no gods!Copy !req
30. Will you idiots hold it down?Copy !req
31. - (creature snarling)
- (gasps)
- Mon dieu.Copy !req
32. Jesus, loud much?Copy !req
33. Are you trying to attract
apex predators?Copy !req
34. Oh, please.
I just wiped outCopy !req
35. a literal goddamn boatload
of Nazi stormtroopers.Copy !req
36. Doesn't get much more apex
than that.Copy !req
37. All right, Mr. Tough Guy.Copy !req
38. You don't have
to chuckle menacingly.Copy !req
39. What? I wasn't.Copy !req
40. Holy shit, look! There it is.Copy !req
41. Okay, so, just so we're
all on the same page,Copy !req
42. we're walking
into an active volcano.Copy !req
43. Well, that's where
the idol is, so...Copy !req
44. I was double-checking, Noah!Copy !req
45. I don't know why
you make me so furious.Copy !req
46. For me, it's his face.Copy !req
47. (sighs) Oh, come on.Copy !req
48. - Put your backs into it.
- (grunts)Copy !req
49. If I put my back in any more,Copy !req
50. it's gonna come
gooshin' out my front.Copy !req
51. Oui, c'est impossible.
I give up.Copy !req
52. - How French.
- You know...Copy !req
53. So what? We just sit hereCopy !req
54. and wait for a clue
from a goddamn thrush?Copy !req
55. - (scoffs) Thrushes.
- Uh, what are you talking about?Copy !req
56. - Like at the portal of Erebor.
- Uh...Copy !req
57. Jesus, dummy, in The Hobbit.Copy !req
58. - The what?
- Wait, what?
- Seriously?Copy !req
59. Holy shit, that's right.Copy !req
60. He's been on this crummy island
four years,Copy !req
61. so he's never heard
of The Hobbit.Copy !req
62. Which, as we all know,Copy !req
63. was published
just last year in 1937.Copy !req
64. So, what is it?
A motion picture or...?Copy !req
65. - (groans loudly)
- Damn it, bird!Copy !req
66. - It's a book.
- It's the book.Copy !req
67. It's got dwarves.
It's got goblins.Copy !req
68. It's got wizards.
It's got, um...Copy !req
69. - Hobbits?
- Hobbits!Copy !req
70. Huh. You guys don't really
strike me as readers,Copy !req
71. especially of fantasy.Copy !req
72. That's because
you're an asshole.Copy !req
73. Might I make a suggestion?Copy !req
74. I know what you're
gonna say, Mother,Copy !req
75. but even if we had enough people
to act out the book,Copy !req
76. we don't have time.Copy !req
77. - Yeah, it's long as shit.
- I don't see that as a negative.Copy !req
78. - I don't know. All those songs.
- Eh.Copy !req
79. Well, as stupid as this is,Copy !req
80. I was going to suggest
pulling on the door.Copy !req
81. Goddamn it.Copy !req
82. - Mm-hmm. -Whoa! -Goddamn.Copy !req
83. Lucky guess.
Okay, let's see here.Copy !req
84. Um...Copy !req
85. - (screaming)
- Jesus Christ!Copy !req
86. - Noah!
- Yeah?Copy !req
87. (chuckles)
You're on point, buddy.Copy !req
88. Wunderbar.Copy !req
89. Those damn fools are going
to lead me straight to the idol.Copy !req
90. (sniffs) And themselves
straight to hell.Copy !req
91. Are you crazy?Copy !req
92. It's pitch black down there.Copy !req
93. Noah, if I have
to ask you again,Copy !req
94. - it's gonna be in the form
of a shove.
- But... (grunts)Copy !req
95. What the...?Copy !req
96. No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
97. Noah, go open the door.Copy !req
98. How? I can't even see
my hand in front of my face.Copy !req
99. Well, then I guess
you can't see my fistsCopy !req
100. swinging around
like a goddamn windmillCopy !req
101. - as I walk toward you, so...
- (arms swinging)Copy !req
102. - (punch lands)
Ow!Copy !req
103. Oh.
Goddamn it!Copy !req
104. Did I get you?
What do you think?Copy !req
105. Seriously?
God, moron.
- (Cheryl laughs)Copy !req
106. Oh, come on.
I was trying to hit Noah.Copy !req
107. For the love
of God, will...!Copy !req
108. There is no— Ow!
- (punch lands)Copy !req
109. Now will someone
open the door?Copy !req
110. Okay! God!Copy !req
111. I think the floor did that.Copy !req
112. Well, it should make this
a lot easier.Copy !req
113. What, a floor that when you step
on it random shit happens?Copy !req
114. Yeah, so I guess,
everybody, watch your step.Copy !req
115. Uh, that's it?Copy !req
116. Um... watch your step
and shut up?Copy !req
117. - Yeah. Thanks.
- Okay.
- Real mature.Copy !req
118. Oh, and I guess
try not to bunch up.Copy !req
119. Sauf toi Doudou,
reste à côté de moi.Copy !req
120. Doudou? (gasps)Copy !req
121. - (all exclaiming)
- What's happening?
- Doudou!Copy !req
122. Oh, it's just like the ponies.Copy !req
123. (laughs): Oh, man!
That's hobbit as balls!Copy !req
124. We must go back.
We cannot just leave Doudou.Copy !req
125. Well, not to split
hairs, but he left us, so...Copy !req
126. - (rumbling)
- Jesus Christ!
- Oh, no. What?Copy !req
127. Noah, what the shit was that?Copy !req
128. Well, I'm not a volcanologist,
and glad of it, am I right?Copy !req
129. But the Mua Mua were always
talking about how TarakoCopy !req
130. was way overdue to erupt.Copy !req
131. - (sighs)
- Bad news.
- Great.Copy !req
132. Oh, how would a bunch
of cannibals know?Copy !req
133. - Oral tradition?
- And, you know, technically,Copy !req
134. - now you're all cannibals, so...
- I had one little kebab.Copy !req
135. What were we supposed to do,
insult them?Copy !req
136. - Plus, I was pretty hungry.
- Can we just pick a direction?Copy !req
137. Well, they're both
pretty well lit.Copy !req
138. - I say we turn back.
- Quel choc.Copy !req
139. - Then go. Nobody's stopping you.
- Fine.Copy !req
140. Quoi?Copy !req
141. - (speaks French)
- So left?Copy !req
142. Okay, and was it just me,
or when that big rumble happenedCopy !req
143. was everybody for a second like,
"Oh, my God, Smaug"?Copy !req
144. - Yes! Right?
- Who?Copy !req
145. - Oh, my God.
It's like...Copy !req
146. He's got no frame of reference.Copy !req
147. Smaug, dickhead!Copy !req
148. The fire-breathing dragon
who lives under the mountain.Copy !req
149. - (rumbling)
- Whoa.Copy !req
150. - Goddamn it.
- (gasping)Copy !req
151. So, when you say
"way overdue..."Copy !req
152. I don't know, ten years? 10,000?Copy !req
153. So, either way,
probably not great.Copy !req
154. Ugh, look.Copy !req
155. It's a dead end.Copy !req
156. Damn it, I said
we should go right.Copy !req
157. No, you didn't.Copy !req
158. Well? Okay, so let's
double back.Copy !req
159. No, look,
I think there's a door here.Copy !req
160. Where?Copy !req
161. And some crazy
cannibal cartoons.Copy !req
162. (gasps) Petroglyphs.Copy !req
163. - (gasps) What do they say?
- Um... uh...Copy !req
164. - Noah!
- Okay.Copy !req
165. It says, "This is the temple
of the fire god Tarako,Copy !req
166. "guarded by the tupua.Copy !req
167. There's a powerful curse,"Copy !req
168. which the Mua Mua already
told me about, so, uh...Copy !req
169. (laughs) That's pretty good.Copy !req
170. - What?
- What does it say?Copy !req
171. Well, it's a pun; it makes
a play on the word for "curse,"Copy !req
172. but also the word for "soup,"Copy !req
173. but it's more like
a stew, I guess.Copy !req
174. Like, uh— Oh.Copy !req
175. We don't really have a word
for it in Engl— Ow!Copy !req
176. We do have a word for it!
"Stew"!Copy !req
177. Does it say
how to open the door?Copy !req
178. - Yeah, it says push.
- Idiot.Copy !req
179. Wait, so...Copy !req
180. do we want to talk about
this curse, or— What?Copy !req
181. - Huh.
- Well? Where's the damn idol?Copy !req
182. - Um, Noah?
- I don't kn— Ow!Copy !req
183. Then what the hell
good are you?Copy !req
184. I got us in the door, didn't I?Copy !req
185. I think it's safe to assume
we would've tried pushing on it.Copy !req
186. Maybe eventually, but...Copy !req
187. No, no, it's got to be here.
Come on, help me look.Copy !req
188. - Okay.
- Okay, yeah.
- All right.Copy !req
189. Well, if you find a bar,Copy !req
190. I'll take a Mai Tai,
hold the fruit juice.Copy !req
191. - What the...?
- What?
- Uh...Copy !req
192. Whoa! Look! Check it out!Copy !req
193. - Is it a bar?
- Why would it be a bar?Copy !req
194. Why wouldn't it?Copy !req
195. This whole place is like
a prehistoric Trader Vic's.Copy !req
196. Ooh, I think her
totem pole did it.Copy !req
197. Uh, actually, totem poles
are indige— Ow!Copy !req
198. Holy shit! Pam, sit on that one.Copy !req
199. Reynaud, sit on yours!Copy !req
200. Okay, uh,
lady whose life I ruined.Copy !req
201. Oh, my God, I forgot about that.
(chuckles)Copy !req
202. - It's working.
- Look at that.
- Voila!Copy !req
203. Noah, Princess,
come on, go, go, go!Copy !req
204. Holy shit.
It's a giant emerald.Copy !req
205. Wait a minute,
do emeralds glow in the dark?Copy !req
206. No, but uranium does.Copy !req
207. - What?
- Uranium?
- Seriously?Copy !req
208. I bet uranium's worth a jillion
times more than emeralds.Copy !req
209. - Sterling, wait!
- What?Copy !req
210. It's radioactive.Copy !req
211. Oh, of course.Copy !req
212. That's what the whole
"death soup" thing was about.Copy !req
213. - Goddamn it, Noah.
- Jesus, Noah!Copy !req
214. The Mua Mua legend says
anybody who touches the idolCopy !req
215. starts puking and shitting blood
and then, uh, melts.Copy !req
216. Now you tell us?Copy !req
217. - Also, ew.
- Come to think of it,Copy !req
218. I don't know how anybody
could've carved it.Copy !req
219. Why would those cannibals
let us come all this wayCopy !req
220. to find the damn thing
if they knew it would kill us?Copy !req
221. I really can't stress how much
they hate white people.Copy !req
222. Even after we ate
Nazis together?Copy !req
223. Oh, yeah. I bet they're laughing
their well-toned asses off.Copy !req
224. Well, then they're
not really our friends.Copy !req
225. - Wow.
- Had to be said.Copy !req
226. Okay, so how do we
get it out of hereCopy !req
227. without shitting
ourselves to death?Copy !req
228. - We can roll it.
- I don't know.Copy !req
229. - Lead!
- Uh, lead?
- Um...Copy !req
230. - So stupid.
- Like when you get an X-ray.Copy !req
231. Hey that's right, lead's
a natural radiation shield.Copy !req
232. Hey, he's right.Copy !req
233. - He's right?
- Yeah, you heard the man.Copy !req
234. Ugh!Copy !req
235. So where are we going
to find enough leadCopy !req
236. in this place to wrap it up?Copy !req
237. - (gun cocks)
- (all gasp)
- What?Copy !req
238. Perhaps I can help.Copy !req
239. No, thank you.Copy !req
240. - Merde!
- (screams)
- (squawks)Copy !req
241. - (grunts)
- Ugh.Copy !req
242. We got company! Late. Stupid.Copy !req
243. - (grunts)
- Hey, Fritz!Copy !req
244. You got company.Copy !req
245. (sighs) Goddamn it.Copy !req
246. You are powerless
against uber-Fuchs!Copy !req
247. So, hey, after we
get out of here...Copy !req
248. You think we're gonna
live through this?Copy !req
249. (chuckles) Why wouldn't we?Copy !req
250. - Reloading.
- Firing!Copy !req
251. What the...?Copy !req
252. Goddamn it!Copy !req
253. It's not often
you find a primitive peopleCopy !req
254. who understand the callback.Copy !req
255. (gasps) Oh, crap,
I got to rewrite my thesis.Copy !req
256. Son of a... (grunts)Copy !req
257. - (trigger clicking)
Ha-ha!Copy !req
258. How do you like them apples?Copy !req
259. - (all gasping)
- Shit!Copy !req
260. Ow! I don't like
those apples at all!Copy !req
261. Right?
Could things get any worse?Copy !req
262. Maybe I am a goddess.Copy !req
263. - Ow!
Thank you!Copy !req
264. Was ist los?Copy !req
265. Holy shit, look!Copy !req
266. - (all gasping)
Well, shit!Copy !req
267. Check it out, lava.Copy !req
268. Oh, I wonder if that's
what the petroglyphs meantCopy !req
269. by "death soup."Copy !req
270. Oh, yeah, kinda makes sense.Copy !req
271. I mean, if you think ab— Ow!Copy !req
272. Guys, come on.
That's dangerous. (gasps)Copy !req
273. (laughs) Yes, fools,
cower before me.Copy !req
274. Just like the world will cower
before the German ReichCopy !req
275. - once we have the idol!
- Says who?Copy !req
276. Says mein Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler!Copy !req
277. The idol is pure uranium!Copy !req
278. And with it, we will construct
a WunderwaffeCopy !req
279. with the power to destroy
entire cities!Copy !req
280. - Oh, typical.
- Of what?Copy !req
281. I don't know, Nazis?Copy !req
282. Oh, for the—
Will you do something?Copy !req
283. Like what, play
"Dem Bones" at him?Copy !req
284. Oh, great, now that's
stuck in my head.Copy !req
285. Was ist...? Ugh!
Verdammt Scheidreck...Copy !req
286. - Look, he's empty, too!
- Well, yeah, but...Copy !req
287. He's still a giant robot.Copy !req
288. - Seriously?
- Yeah. Look at him.Copy !req
289. So, you're not gonna
do anything?Copy !req
290. Well, I'm no good to us dead.Copy !req
291. - What good are you alive?
- (gasps)Copy !req
292. Ja!Copy !req
293. And what do you think
you're doing?Copy !req
294. I have company.Copy !req
295. - Goddamn it!
- Well...Copy !req
296. Pam!Copy !req
297. (laughs maniacally)
Hyah!Copy !req
298. - (Archer screams)
No!Copy !req
299. Sterling!Copy !req
300. That was your plan?Copy !req
301. - It worked, didn't it?
- I mean...Copy !req
302. Get off me, you fool!Copy !req
303. - Shut up!
- (grunts)Copy !req
304. Somebody do something.Copy !req
305. I will go for help!Copy !req
306. Merci, asshole!Copy !req
307. Not a problem.Copy !req
308. (gasps)
Archer, it's too heavy.Copy !req
309. I cant hang on!Copy !req
310. - (all gasp)
Hang on!Copy !req
311. No, that's what I'm saying.Copy !req
312. I'm saying it like
"give me a second."Copy !req
313. - Yeah, I get that, but...
- Jesus Christ,Copy !req
314. - will you shut up?
- Nein, nein, nein!Copy !req
315. What are you doing?Copy !req
316. Sending you...Copy !req
317. Sterling!Copy !req
318. - ... to hell! (grunts)
- (Cyril screaming)Copy !req
319. - Sterling!
- (all gasp)Copy !req
320. Oh, for the love of God!Copy !req
321. (grunts)
This actually weighs the same.Copy !req
322. I... realize that, idiot.Copy !req
323. Oh, I'm the idiot?Copy !req
324. - I mean...
- What? Wait. No, no, no.Copy !req
325. Archer, no! Hang on.Copy !req
326. Oh, hey, princess.Copy !req
327. Listen... listen,
if we ever meet again...Copy !req
328. - Sterling, no!
- (all shouting)
- Please!Copy !req
329. just remember this.Copy !req
330. We were this close to banging.Copy !req
331. No, we weren't.Copy !req
332. Yes, we— Whoa!Copy !req
333. - Sterling!
- Archer!Copy !req
334. This close.Copy !req
335. (clicking dry tongue)
Ah. Ah, ah.Copy !req
336. Oh, for the—
Come on, seriously?Copy !req
337. What, you couldn't find
a snow globe?Copy !req
338. Oh, quit your bitching.Copy !req
339. Good morning... Mother!Copy !req
340. Shut up.Copy !req
341. Made in Georgia.Copy !req
342. Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBHCopy !req